Latest / DevQuestions with Tim Corey / 018 How Do I Overcome the Fear of Getting Fired?

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018 How Do I Overcome the Fear of Getting Fired? · DevQuestions with Tim Corey

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Dev Questions Podcast with Tim Corey.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Join us each episode as we tackle the questions you are asking about a career in software development, understanding the industry, and new technology.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you're just starting out or you want to grow stronger as a developer, this is the place to get your questions answered.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's your host, expert developer and online educator, Tim Corey.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: How do I overcome a fear of being fired?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's a scary question.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm going to pull out just two of the comments I've gotten about this to kind of highlight different pieces of this question.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: So first, Krishna said, and I'm going to read this and paraphrase a little bit to fill in some gaps, but basically I'm going to read this comment word for word.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Krishna says, I feel like I'll be fired from my job.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I talked to many of my friends who feel the same way.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: But when we checked with colleagues, they say I do a good job.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And they even award me to reflect that fact of doing a good job.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: But again, that feeling starts pouring in of I'll be fired.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Then Drew added onto that and said, I also have this fear of being fired.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's always in the back of my mind that I'm exposed for not knowing something my boss feels I should, or not doing something well enough for my boss or the company and getting fired for it.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: I am I'm thankful for the people who express this sentiment because it can feel a little intimidating to say, I feel like I'm gonna get fired.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Is that kind of almost feel like you're admitting you're not good enough?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: And as Krishna points out, no, you are good enough usually, but it's just that feeling.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about that in today's episode of Dev Questions.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the first place I want to start is that this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: When you feel like you're gonna get fired, your proactivity drops.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: You're more concerned with what people see you doing rather than what you're actually doing.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're not actually getting as much done.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that will lead towards feelings of you're not doing a good enough job.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe there should be steps taken to fix that andor letting you go.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so it can be a self-fulfilling of prophecy.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's something we need to break the cycle of.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And like Krishna pointed out, it usually is just in our mind.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you break this feeling of I'm not doing good enough?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: I might get fired.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing I want to talk about is the fact that you most likely are doing good enough.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: The problem isn't how good you're doing, the problem is the feedback.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: What feedback are you getting?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: How often are you getting that?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: How often are you realigning with your boss's direction?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Are you even aligning with your boss's direction?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: You see, if your boss wants to go this way and you're going this way, it doesn't matter how great a job you're doing going this way, you're never going to align with your boss's desires.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so, because of that, you're doing a great job and will probably get fired.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: So you want to make sure that you're aligning with your boss's uh expectations of you, with their um desires for what they want to get out of you.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the more you can align with that and the more often you course correct to that, the better off you will be.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it starts with open communication.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where you have to be open and honest and not just hide from your boss.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: If you hide from your boss, you're gonna get fired, okay?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're gonna have a good relationship.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now, every boss is different.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've had bosses that love to have conversations with me, and I've had bosses that don't want to talk to me.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so this is gonna depend on your specific situation.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: So some of this advice might work, some might not.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: You'll have to figure out what works best for your environment.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm gonna give you as much as advice as I can, and then you pick the parts that work best for your situation.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, first, open communication.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to your boss, find out what your boss expects from you.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Have a very honest conversation.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Say, boss, I want to be your best employee.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be the best employee you have in this department.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: What would it take?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: What would it look like if I was your best employee?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: What would I have to do?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where would I have to improve in order to become your best employee?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: And by couching it in those terms, you're looking at positively.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: You're not looking at as, hey boss, what am I doing wrong?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's just harsh.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's hard to hear, because then you're hearing, well, you're not doing this well enough, you're not doing that well enough.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then even if your boss was saying, hey, you're doing 80% right, there's just 20% to fix.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you ask, what am I doing wrong?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: you're now focusing on just that 20%, and it feels like a hundred percent.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: So instead, say, How can I be the best employee you have?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: What would it take?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so then you you find out what the goal is, you find out what your boss is looking for.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Every boss will be different.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Some bosses are gonna say, you know what?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I just wish that you would be able to work on your own without any interaction from somebody else.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's good to know.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: But maybe other bosses are saying, you know what, I just wish that you would read documentation and then create better documentation, or that you would have no bugs in your code.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is, that's your point B.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's your thing to aim at, that's your target.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's step one, open communication with your boss.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Where you say, okay, what's the goal?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: What do you want me to get to?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: What's your ideal employee?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can do this even before you're hired, that's even bonus.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because now you're setting yourself up for success.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know what your boss wants from you.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And you're more likely to have a great conversation at that point because it's not about what you're not doing, it's about what your boss is expecting from you.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can get those expectations out in the open, then everybody understands them.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if your boss lays out the expectations, your future boss lays out the expectations, and you go, I'm never gonna do that, then you've already decided, you've already identified this isn't the right position for you.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: For example, I've had interviews where I asked some questions and found out that what they were really looking for was a person who worked 60, 70, 80 hours a week.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: That is their expectation up front.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not gonna do that.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I have a family, I have a life, I believe in that work-life balance.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I have the opportunity to choose that as well.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because some people don't have that opportunity, but I do.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not gonna choose to have an imbalance in my life if I could help it.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so by finding out that expectation, I didn't take the job instead of taking the job and then never meeting the standard, in which case my coworkers wouldn't be happy and my boss wouldn't be happy.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the first thing is to know your, know your your point B, know your point that you're aiming towards, and then having that communication with your boss as well.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Don't just guess.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Don't just ask somebody else.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Ask your boss if at all possible.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Ask the person who's doing the judging.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because then you get it right from their mouth, and you put in their mind that you're thinking about it, that you're trying to get there.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's point one.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Point number two is check in often.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's a balance here.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to check in so often that your boss gets frustrated that you're always in their office.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's not a good thing.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: But if you can check in every week, every two weeks, every three weeks, and say, hey, I am doing this.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Is this more in line with your ideal employee?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Am I making progress towards that?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Or how about this progress?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Is that what you're thinking about?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: This does, again, two things.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, it aligns your um direction so that if you know point B is here and you're kind of pointing this way a little bit, you bring it back towards point B.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're you're focusing back towards the goal instead of kind of veering off the path a little bit.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: When my dad taught me to drive, one of the things he taught me was that you look down your lane and kind of focus at the middle of it.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you focus on the left or the right, you tend to drift.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: You tend to get out of your lane.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so you want to focus on that middle and going down the middle of the road.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what you're trying to do here.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're trying to focus on the middle of what your boss wants, the the ideal point, and not drift to the left or the right of that point.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: So by communicating with your boss and keeping track of that, you're gonna better align and better realign yourself back to that goal.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: But it does a second thing as well.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that is it's one more touch point with your boss that says, I am doing my best to be your best employee.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: That changes perception.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because a person who let's just take two employees, they work identically, they produce the same amount of work equally, whatever that is.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just say it's a widget factory, and both produce 100 widgets a day.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: If the boss looks at one and doesn't know what they're thinking, but maybe sees them at one point on break, your boss might think, Man, I see that person, they seem to be on break all the time.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: I wish they'd work more.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: They feel it feels like they're lazy.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: But then he looks at the second employee, and he's had three or four conversations about how to improve creations of widgets.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And he knows that employee has brought it from 60 widgets a day up to 100.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Even if he sees that same person on break, he knows, man, they're probably just recharging, ready to get back into it.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: I know they're working hard and improving their numbers.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so that perception in your boss's brain changes as your boss knows your circumstance.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: So the more you communicate with your boss, the more the boss knows what you're doing instead of assuming what you're doing, the better.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: Again, you don't want to overload your boss.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's a balancing act here, but you don't want your boss to get to your review and go, what were they doing this past year or this past whatever time period it is?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want that.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: You want your boss to go, oh, you know what?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: They've been working at being the best employee possible and they've gone from here to there.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: It may not be the entire way to best employee ever, but they've made progress.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I know they've made progress because you've talked about it.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, now your boss is looking at that as growth.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Growth is positive, growth is good.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Now your boss looks at this in a positive manner.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, you know what your boss is looking for, and you know that you're growing, and you know your boss knows you're growing, and that your boss is pleased with your growth.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: That helps you feel like you're going the right direction, and it combats the fear of I'm gonna be fired.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because it comes down to this if you think you're gonna be fired for what you do, or you feel like that pressure of I'm not good enough, I'm not doing enough, part of that is a lack of communication, a lack of understanding what other people are thinking.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens often, and I know my brain doesn't all the time, is your brain fills in the gaps with assumptions.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not careful, those assumptions are negative.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: So if I haven't talked, let's just say I I tell a joke over text.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is really hard.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: You tell a joke over text, and it's it's a an edgy joke.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: You tell that joke and you hear nothing back.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: You don't hear any response from the person you texted it to.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: What goes through your mind?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: For my mind, what goes through it is oh they didn't take that right.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: They misinterpreted that.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe, maybe they got offended by that.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, maybe it just they thought it was stupid.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe any those those negative thoughts can go through my mind where I'm I'm putting I'm filling in the gap of a lack of knowledge with assumptions and negative assumptions at that.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what happens when you're feeling like you might be fired, is you're filling a gap with your negative assumptions.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now, that can make you feel bad.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: That can make you change how you interact with that person or with your boss.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: So if I if someone doesn't text back to me after I say something or after I tell a joke, or after I, you know, say something that is important, then if I fill that gap with fear and and maybe it starts to turn to anger, and all of a sudden now I'm angry at this person who was just busy and didn't get to it yet and thinks it's hilarious, or thinks, you know, that really is it's concerned for my situation, or whatever the case may be, I could be ruining a relationship because I filled the gap with fear.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's best if you can fill it with trust.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's best if you can fill it with hope and with positivity, but it's hard for us to do.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: One of the ways to accomplish that though is to have good communication.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: So you know what your boss is thinking, you know what you're doing is going the right direction, and then you can tell yourself, you can fill that gap with trust, especially since it's a smaller gap.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a big open gap.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now let me take a pause here and talk to those of you who manage employees.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's the other side of this, and this is very, very important.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: You need to communicate more.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: The more you communicate, the less your employees will feel this way.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe you feel this way and then you have employees that don't make them feel that way.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the way to fill that gap is to communicate, is to talk about it.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: One of the worst corporate things that I've gone through, and it's a pretty common one, is the annual review.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's horrible.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Awful.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Stop doing annual reviews.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Reviews should happen once a month.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Reviews should anything negative for review should happen almost instantaneously.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: If you see an employee doing something that isn't in line with what they should do, don't let it fester and build.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Tell them.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Have that maybe uncomfortable conversation early.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Say, you know what, this isn't a big deal right now, but I really want you to do this instead of that.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know what?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: It probably isn't a big deal right now.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: And you can also fill that on both sides, preferably, with positives.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, you know what?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: You've been doing a great job creating widgets.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: There's one thing that I would I would like you to tweak a little bit.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that is when you're finishing up the widget, just give it a little polish before you pass it on.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I appreciate you doing, you've been getting a lot done and you're on the right track.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: I just want you to add that little polish at the end.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be take your productivity to the next level.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: You see how that little tweak wasn't that hard, wasn't that harsh, and yet you still communicate, I want you to change something.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: But what if you wait for a full year where they don't polish widgets?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then it kind of builds in the boss's mind, in your mind as a boss, where you're saying they're not polishing the widgets, they're just not polishing the widgets, and it kind of builds in anger and frustration, and I need to fire this person.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: They're just not polishing the widgets.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Why did you do that?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so don't let it build.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: When you have something you want to course correct on, course correct early.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to have annual reviews, they should be about what we're gonna do in the next year, what we're gonna work on in the next year, not negative, but positive.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: How can you how can I help you be even better for the next year?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: If you have those conversations every six months or every year, then they're now just pointing towards the future, and there is no fear and anxiety going into those meetings.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because I've been on the other side where you know what, I had no clue.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: I had no clue what my boss would say about me because we haven't we hadn't talked.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's been three months since we had a conversation, even.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what's my boss gonna say about me?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Am I gonna get a raise or will I get fired?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I've had both.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a scary place to be.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Don't be there.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're on the boss side of things, have those conversations early and build that rapport of having both positive conversations and negative in time and quickly, right when it's relevant.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're on the receiving side where you're the employee, and you can't control when your boss does reviews.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: You try to initiate, try and have that conversation early, build that line of communication, make sure that you're on the same page as your boss as far as where you should be going, and then make sure that you are checking in to make sure that you're still pointed in the right direction.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because your boss wants you to succeed.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: Now, you may have a horrible boss.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: They may be awful, they may be just a miserable person to work for.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Even if they're miserable towards you, even if they don't want to say that, even if they just want to be angry, they want people below them that get the job done.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because that makes them look good.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: So even if you can't talk to your boss, figure out what makes them look good.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Then make them look good.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: By doing so, you will put yourself in a better situation to be a viewed as a better employee, which will help you not feel like you're gonna get fired, but instead feel like you are a productive member of a team, even in a bad situation.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so that's my take.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, part of this is this comes back to imposter syndrome.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now, we talked about that, I believe, in the second uh episode of this series.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: There's I'll I'll link to it, but check out the imposter syndrome episode as well, because that's also tied in with this, because you're feeling like you're an imposter even when you're not.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: But part of this, a big part of this, is communication.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: So open those lines of communication, figure out where you should go, and then work really hard to point in that direction and make sure that your boss is approving of that.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: If your boss is liking that direction.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for listening.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: And as always, I am Tim Corey.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us for this episode of Dev Questions.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Tim is committed to making it easier for you to become a developer.
• 22:24
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• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can also send your questions to questions at iamtimcore.com.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember, you are too smart and your time too valuable to waste it making all the mistakes Tim did.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: When you're ready to learn to think and code like a professional developer, head over to Iamtimcorey.com and enroll in a course.