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Why Do Narcissists Want To Control Everything and Everyone Around them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why do narcissists want to control everything?
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  And by everything I mean everything.
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  The insurance and outs of their lives.
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  The insurance and outs of their kids lives.
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  The insurance and outs of their parents, their friends lives,
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  their significant others, everything around them.
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  Why is control so damn important to narcissists and toxic people?
• 0:23
  That's what we talking about today, y'all.
• 0:26
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist, and welcome to a
• 0:30
  hype episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:50
  Oh yeah, let's get a hype. Oh, hype I am.
• 0:56
  I appreciate y'all being here today.
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  Y'all so narcissist and toxic people alike.
• 1:02
  Control is important to narcissist.
• 1:03
  Let's just go ahead and get it out the way.
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  Let's go ahead and get the the elephant in the room.
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  The the six, the the, the 10 ton elephant in the room.
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  Let's get that out the way. Narcissistic people love being
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  in control. They just do That's that's an
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  important aspect of the life of a narcissistic person to be in
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  control of everything that's going on around them.
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  Everything I would say when I say everything y'all, I
• 1:26
  absolutely positively mean everything.
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  My office is outside the police. My office is literally beside
• 1:33
  the police office. Y'all and some of y'all will
• 1:35
  find out when y'all come on the podcast because my podcast
• 1:38
  registration link is in the comment section.
• 1:40
  I mean, in the description, every video, if you want to be
• 1:41
  in the podcast virtually or in person, podcast link is in the
• 1:46
  description of every video now. But yeah, y'all, control is
• 1:50
  everything to a narcissist. But why is it so important?
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  Why was it so, so many narcissists seek out control?
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  Because drum roll, we didn't have it in our childhoods.
• 2:03
  We like this is me speaking from personal experience and the
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  experience of me talking to other narcissists as well,
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  right? We lacked so much control over
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  our own circumstances in our youth that we crave it in
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  adulthood, crave it. We craved it in our youth.
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  But as you know, children, kids, teenagers, damn near teenagers,
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  preteens cannot advocate for themselves.
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  Like we are in custody of our parents until we get to a
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  certain age and then we can get set free, I guess most times.
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  But when we are kids, we're under their, we're under their
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  rule. We're under the rule of
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  narcissistic toxic law, right? We're under their rule.
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  So you see what I'm saying? It makes sense.
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  We can't do anything about it, so we have to be under their
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  control. We can't control anything.
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  Our comings and goings, our ups and downs, our lefts and rights,
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  our financial situation, how our hair looks, how our clothes are.
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  We cannot control anything. We lack control over anything in
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  our lives and it sucks. It sucks.
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  I remember being young, craving that control, wanting control so
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  bad, but not being able to get it because I was a damn kid.
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  I'm a kid. What can I control as a child,
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  as a kid, what can I control in these circumstances, in these
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  situations? What I have no control.
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  It's like I'm powerless. I'm powerless to do anything in
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  these circumstances, in these situations, right?
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  So as I'm growing up, I'm the, the, the, the hunger for control
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  and power is growing. The older I get, the more
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  control that I want. The older I get, the more
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  control that I seek. You see, I want it so bad
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  because I liked it when I was growing up because so many
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  people had control over me. Not just my parents, my
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  teachers, my the older, my older cousins, my grandparents,
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  everybody who is older than me had control over me.
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  I hated it with a raw seething passion.
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  And now as I'm growing up, as I'm getting older, I want it.
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  So when I get into relationships, you're not going
• 4:00
  to tell me what the hell to do nothing at all.
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  This is why you see so many narcissists.
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  Their job, the job turnover rate is so high because they don't
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  want, they won't, they won't control over everything that
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  they do everything. You don't get to tell me what to
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  do because I'm me. And I know that sounds ignorant.
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  I know it sounds counterintuitive, but you don't
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  get to. You don't get to tell me what I
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  can and what I cannot do because I am me, right?
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  This is the mentality that you will face when you're dealing
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  with the manipulative, narcissistic, toxic ass person.
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  This is what goes on. This is what goes on behind the
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  scenes. Narcissistic people, toxic ass
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  people. This is what we do now.
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  This is what happens, right? This is what happens.
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  So I, so I, I say that to say this, This is why narcissists
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  want so much control. This is why nothing ever.
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  Well, you can give them control over everything in your life and
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  they will still ask for more. You can give them control over
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  every single aspect of your life and they will still ask for
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  more. They can have a control over
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  every single aspect of their lives and they still won't be
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  satisfied. And This is why you get to that
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  point where nothing makes them happy.
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  Nothing makes us happy. We're trying, we're fighting
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  tooth and nail, claw, teeth, everything to try to find
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  happiness somewhere and we can't find it because we're lose.
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  We're lost. We're lost in the sauce.
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  We are absolutely lost. So narcissists want that control
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  because they, it makes me feel in charge, right?
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  It makes so again, we it makes me feel in charge, but it also
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  allows me some the the feeling of temporary safety.
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  Me being in control allows me the feeling of temporarily being
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  safe. It is is it protects me from
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  shame. Me being in control protects me
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  from from me being in control protects me from a lot of
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  different things. It just does like I don't have
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  shame, don't have rejection. I control what do I control the
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  insurance and outs of what comes into my life and what goes out
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  of my life. I'm in control of that, right?
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  So this happens. So I want to be in control of
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  every single aspect of my life because I crave it because I
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  need it so damn badly. I need it.
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  I need to be in control. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, just think about it like that.
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  You really truly dealing with a person that's fearful of every
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  damn thing that can go wrong in my life.
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  So many things that went wrong in my life, well, because I was
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  out of control. Now I want things to go right.
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  And in order for things to go right, I have to do it like
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  this. In order for things to get
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  better, I have to do it like that.
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  In order for things that I, in order for things me to feel
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  safe, I have to be in charge. Point blank period, point blank
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  period, exclamation point, question mark, exclamation
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  point, question mark. A lot of wildness in there,
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  right? So this is what we're going to
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  face. This is what you're going to
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  face as a person dealing with the narcissist.
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  This is who and what you're going to face as well.
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  And I know it could be a frustrating dynamic because like
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  Lee, I'm giving, I'm, I try to give them control over
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  everything and nothing seems to make them happy.
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  Nothing will ever make them happy, y'all?
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  I feel like it's one of the things you have to understand
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  and nothing will ever make this person happy.
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  You can relinquish control over everything.
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  You can give them financial control.
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  You can give them physical control.
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  You can be a slave to this person and they will still ask
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  for more. Imagine doing everything this
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  person wants to do, right? And they still go out there and
• 7:34
  cheat on you. You'll be like, what the hell?
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  What the helly? What the helly Peterson?
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  What the Hallie Burton? Hallie Burton, You know what I'm
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  saying? You'll be singing that song.
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  You will. You'll absolutely be singing
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  that song. It's going to absolutely make
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  you lose your mind. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely
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  going to make you feel a desert type of way because you
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  understand it. And it's also just because you,
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  let me say this right here, just because you understand it
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  doesn't mean it's going to bring you any type of peace, right?
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  Just because you understand it doesn't mean it's going to make
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  you feel any better. Because I think that's when
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  people get frustrated as well. Just because you understand
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  something doesn't mean you're going to feel better about it,
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  right? Just because you understand it
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  doesn't mean you're going to be like, you know what, I feel
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  great right now. I feel amazing, right?
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  Understanding they can help you heal, but it's not going to be
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  the it's not going to be the, the it's not going to free you
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  like you wanted to, right? Understanding this type of stuff
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  can absolutely help you heal, but it's not going to free you
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  like you wanted to completely. Because once you understand it,
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  you have to take action. Because I don't know what action
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  looks like y'all for you in your situation.
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  Action Action in a toxic relationship is going to look
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  different for every single person.
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  Seriously. Taking action in a toxic
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  relationship dynamic is going to look different for every single
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  person that is taking action. What does action mean to you?
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  What does action look like to you?
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  Sometimes action means leaving, right?
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  Sometimes action means you're staying because you feel stuck.
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  But so but you're taking control of what you can control because
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  narcissists want control over everything is going to make it a
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  lot of times it's going to make it harder for you to leave this
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  relationship dynamic if you're not like, say, if you don't have
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  your ducks in the row. So sometimes taking control
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  means you could understanding what you have control over, the
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  narcissistic person is going to control, try to control
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  everything, but you have to understand what you actually
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  have control and power over, right, Right.
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  Sometimes it can help to write this type of stuff down.
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  Y'all write it down. What's the problem writing it
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  down? To me, there's I don't think
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  there's an issue with writing something like that down.
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  I don't think there's an issue with writing things like that
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  down. I really truly don't.
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  But again, I'm in a different space.
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  I have a personality disorder, right?
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  But I've, I have a personality disorder, but I've also dealt
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  with a ton of narcissistic people.
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  Y'all know, I've been dealing with narcissistic people my
• 9:48
  whole life and when I encountered them in real life, I
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  think so many people, right? Like I think so many people get
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  into these scenarios where like it's just crazy.
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  I am going to so many people, but this is what a mind is,
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  y'all. Narcissists want control by any
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  means possible. Sometimes they look, sometimes
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  they'll take control through physical force.
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  Sometimes they take control through other means, right?
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  It can be physical force. It could be, like I said, it
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  could be physical force. It could be emotional.
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  It can be, it can be financial. They will or all of the all of
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  the above, damn near. They, some of them will leave no
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  stone unturned when it comes to dealing in these situations,
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  right? Some of them will leave no stone
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  unturned, but that's the mentality, that's the mindset.
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  That's the how it goes when you're dealing with an
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  emotionally or sometimes physically abusive,
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  manipulative, narcissistic person.
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  This is what we have to understand, y'all?
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  It really truly is anyway, y'all thank y'all for maybe to the end
• 10:48
  of this video. Y'all know I got love for
• 10:50
  appreciate every single one of y'all again y'all, I'm about to
• 10:52
  revamp my channel membership, so all my channel members I'm about
• 10:55
  to revamp it here in a little bit ask some new tiers.
• 10:57
  I have my support group. They're still available.
• 11:00
  My course. My video series is out.
• 11:02
  I have a video series called finding your why.
• 11:05
  Stay tuned to the to the end of the video and find out more
• 11:07
  information about that hit that subscribe button if you haven't,
• 11:09
  and it's always y'all. It's always middle.
• 11:12
  Illness is out. Peace.
• 11:14
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  hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 11:18
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 11:19
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net,
• 11:23
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• 11:26
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• 11:29
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• 11:31
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 11:33
  later. Peace.