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How to Work with Resistance in Play Therapy: 4 Approaches for Reluctant Clients · Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

• 0:02
  Cathi Spooner: Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 0:04
  Cathi Spooner: A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services.
• 0:14
  Cathi Spooner: We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play.
• 0:23
  Cathi Spooner: I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives.
• 0:33
  Cathi Spooner: So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families.
• 0:47
  Cathi Spooner: Hey there.
• 0:48
  Cathi Spooner: Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 0:56
  Cathi Spooner: And today we're gonna talk about something that comes up a lot.
• 1:00
  Cathi Spooner: We talk about this in my new membership when we do our consultation calls, that's Play Therapy Elevation Circle.
• 1:09
  Cathi Spooner: And then my higher level consultation program for people pursuing their registered pre play therapy credential, and that one's Play Therapy Academy.
• 1:20
  Cathi Spooner: This question comes up a lot.
• 1:23
  Cathi Spooner: It comes up in trainings.
• 1:24
  Cathi Spooner: It comes up in, in my membership programs.
• 1:29
  Cathi Spooner: So I thought it would be a good topic for this week's livestream episode and podcast episode.
• 1:37
  Cathi Spooner: So whether you're watching the livestream replay or you're watching live, um, or listening to the podcast, this is something that I hear a lot, which is my clients ref parents are refusing to schedule or I can't get care parents to schedule with me.
• 2:00
  Cathi Spooner: And then you're kinda in your head, you're like, oh, these parents are so hard to work with.
• 2:06
  Cathi Spooner: They're refusing.
• 2:08
  Cathi Spooner: They're resisting.
• 2:09
  Cathi Spooner: My client is refusing.
• 2:11
  Cathi Spooner: My client is resisting.
• 2:14
  Cathi Spooner: We all have these on our caseload.
• 2:16
  Cathi Spooner: We've all had them on our caseload, and so I thought it would be uh, helpful topic for this week's episode.
• 2:27
  Cathi Spooner: So for those of you who are watching live, I would love to know who's here.
• 2:33
  Cathi Spooner: So if you will go ahead and post in the comments, whether you're watching on Instagram or you're watching on YouTube or LinkedIn.
• 2:45
  Cathi Spooner: I would love for you to post your name in the comments where you're from, what population do you work with, what play therapy model you use.
• 2:55
  Cathi Spooner: We're gonna talk a little bit about that today when it comes to this topic, because I think it's something that it gets overlooked a lot to be honest, when I, I talk to a lot of people who contact me about my membership programs and this comes up a lot, so that's what we are gonna talk about today.
• 3:18
  Cathi Spooner: Raise your virtual hand if you have ever gotten those phone calls between sessions from parents frantically leaving you a message, about all the things that are going wrong.
• 3:34
  Cathi Spooner: Or you're getting the emails or you're getting the texts.
• 3:39
  Cathi Spooner: These are typically the same parents who you've tried to come in, get to come in for a parent only session, or maybe you're doing those five minute check-ins.
• 3:49
  Cathi Spooner: They're never five minutes at the end of the session.
• 3:52
  Cathi Spooner: Um, I call those drive through parent meetings like you're driving through to McDonald's.
• 3:59
  Cathi Spooner: Um.
• 4:02
  Cathi Spooner: Or maybe you have a client who is doing the same thing week after week after week, or maybe you're, you're trying your best directive play therapy activities, and your client is not having it.
• 4:20
  Cathi Spooner: They are not interested, they don't wanna do it.
• 4:25
  Cathi Spooner: So if you've had those, that is what we are talking about today.
• 4:31
  Cathi Spooner: Because these, these cases can feel you, make you feel drained, feel like you are not doing a good job, wondering if you're the right person for the job.
• 4:44
  Cathi Spooner: Maybe thinking you should secretly refer them or privately in your head you were wishing you could just work with the kids and not the parents, and that would make your life easier and you wouldn't feel frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, and burned out.
• 5:02
  Cathi Spooner: Today, I wanna give you some tips to help you create some shift when you're working with these clients.
• 5:11
  Cathi Spooner: So that's, I'm gonna share a little bit of my, um, some insights that from neuroscience and attachment theory.
• 5:21
  Cathi Spooner: I'm gonna share some things that I've learned after almost 35 years in the child and adolescent field.
• 5:30
  Cathi Spooner: Um.
• 5:31
  Cathi Spooner: So let's get started for today.
• 5:34
  Cathi Spooner: So that's what we're talking about today, for those who are joining us, we're talking about how to work with resistant with resistance in play therapy, and what are some approaches for these reluctant clients.
• 5:50
  Cathi Spooner: The first thing I think we need to focus on is shifting our language.
• 5:58
  Cathi Spooner: So when you use the word resistance, you are typically talking about, um, when you use the word resistance, you're typically already kind of blaming them in your, in your head.
• 6:16
  Cathi Spooner: You're, you're thinking they're like trying to have power and control.
• 6:22
  Cathi Spooner: And they don't want to.
• 6:24
  Cathi Spooner: So we kind of secretly in our head blame them.
• 6:28
  Cathi Spooner: Or when we're talking about them to maybe a colleague, we're talking about, we're using the word, oh, they're resisting or they're refusing.
• 6:40
  Cathi Spooner: Which is really in our head we're, we're blaming the client.
• 6:46
  Cathi Spooner: So what I would propose, first and foremost, just as a general rule, just don't even use those words ever.
• 6:55
  Cathi Spooner: When you're talking about clients, when you're talking about parents or caregivers of clients, don't even use those words like that.
• 7:02
  Cathi Spooner: Those two words are not part of your vocabulary, you are going to change the word to reluctant.
• 7:12
  Cathi Spooner: You can already see the difference.
• 7:16
  Cathi Spooner: I mean, you can feel the difference inside.
• 7:18
  Cathi Spooner: They're resisting.
• 7:19
  Cathi Spooner: They're refusing, versus they're reluctant.
• 7:23
  Cathi Spooner: Reluctant then kind of shifts your mindset to figuring out, oh, okay, well why are they reluctant?
• 7:30
  Cathi Spooner: What's going on with their reluctance?
• 7:34
  Cathi Spooner: And here's what we know, they probably don't feel safe for, for some reason.
• 7:41
  Cathi Spooner: And that's, that's the mystery that has to be solved.
• 7:45
  Cathi Spooner: What's going on that they aren't feeling safe yet.
• 7:50
  Cathi Spooner: And the other question is.
• 7:53
  Cathi Spooner: What do they need in order to feel safe?
• 7:56
  Cathi Spooner: So those are just the, that little word shift changes your mindset and helps you look at things a different way.
• 8:06
  Cathi Spooner: And I always think of it like, uh, DBT.
• 8:09
  Cathi Spooner: So any of you.
• 8:12
  Cathi Spooner: Raise your virtual hand if you love DBT.
• 8:16
  Cathi Spooner: So I'm a play therapist and I still love DBT.
• 8:19
  Cathi Spooner: I feel like those can go together when you're using, um, a directive model with the older kids.
• 8:25
  Cathi Spooner: But I also, I look at DBT as a way, uh, like a mindset shift in and of itself.
• 8:33
  Cathi Spooner: And so with DBT, like you can, you can look at them.
• 8:39
  Cathi Spooner: It's acceptance and change, right?
• 8:41
  Cathi Spooner: That's the basic dialectic for DBT, acceptance and change.
• 8:45
  Cathi Spooner: Acceptance is my client is doing the best that they can at any moment in time, they're doing the best that they can.
• 8:55
  Cathi Spooner: Even with the maladaptive behaviors, even with the things that set them up to fail.
• 9:03
  Cathi Spooner: Acceptance is my client is doing the best that he or she can or they and change.
• 9:12
  Cathi Spooner: They can do better, right?
• 9:14
  Cathi Spooner: So willing hands, half smile.
• 9:18
  Cathi Spooner: I've been using that one a lot at work lately just because I've been dealing for, with some challenging situations myself at work.
• 9:25
  Cathi Spooner: And so I, I use my DBT skills willing hands, half smile, and it makes such a difference.
• 9:32
  Cathi Spooner: I do that every time.
• 9:33
  Cathi Spooner: I'm like, like now I'm just doing it again because I like the way that it feels inside when I do that.
• 9:40
  Cathi Spooner: So acceptance and change, shift your mindset.
• 9:46
  Cathi Spooner: They're reluctant, so figure out why, what's going on and what do they need in order to feel safe.
• 9:55
  Cathi Spooner: The second thing that I think is important to think about from the very beginning, and I see this happens a lot, that play therapists, especially new play therapists, and in the beginning I did this too.
• 10:11
  Cathi Spooner: I just learned along the way, through experience and after lots and lots of frustration that I need to get clear about my expectations and I need to clearly communicate those.
• 10:27
  Cathi Spooner: 'Cause I can remember this was years ago, I can remember just being so frustrated.
• 10:34
  Cathi Spooner: I tried to be so accommodating to this parent, single parent, getting family members to help out, bringing my client, her child to play therapy sessions and, client was really young, and so I was really trying to be accommodating and supportive.
• 10:56
  Cathi Spooner: Nothing was working.
• 10:57
  Cathi Spooner: I could not get this mom, uh, maybe I got this mom to schedule with me once.
• 11:04
  Cathi Spooner: And then, could not get it to happen again.
• 11:08
  Cathi Spooner: And I used my best rapport building skills.
• 11:14
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and nothing could not.
• 11:16
  Cathi Spooner: And then I was getting so frustrated and I found myself being really blamey in my head and getting kind of angry, not to the client if this is like, when I was thinking about it.
• 11:30
  Cathi Spooner: And I thought to myself, well, hold on there, Cathi Spooner.
• 11:33
  Cathi Spooner: I talk to myself sometimes.
• 11:35
  Cathi Spooner: What, what's going on?
• 11:37
  Cathi Spooner: Why are you so mad?
• 11:40
  Cathi Spooner: And then I, I identified, okay, well this person's not coming in.
• 11:45
  Cathi Spooner: And then I thought to myself, well, clients don't know how this works.
• 11:51
  Cathi Spooner: I think in the mental health profession, we often assume, because we do it every day, every day, all day long, year after year, after year, this is what we do.
• 12:05
  Cathi Spooner: But our clients don't do that.
• 12:08
  Cathi Spooner: Parents don't do that.
• 12:10
  Cathi Spooner: Parents don't know how this works.
• 12:13
  Cathi Spooner: You're the expert.
• 12:14
  Cathi Spooner: They're whether or not you feel like the expert, you're the expert and they wanna bring their child because you said you could fix this.
• 12:24
  Cathi Spooner: Didn't you say that in all your marketing?
• 12:26
  Cathi Spooner: Put that on your Psychology Today profile.
• 12:29
  Cathi Spooner: Put that on your website, said you could fix these things.
• 12:32
  Cathi Spooner: So in their mind, they're bringing their child for you to fix things.
• 12:38
  Cathi Spooner: And they don't know how it works and they don't understand stand their role.
• 12:45
  Cathi Spooner: So when I got honest with myself about that, I thought, holy cow, I have been blaming and I have not made this clear.
• 12:58
  Cathi Spooner: So I, I'm kind of chasing after them trying to get them to do what I want.
• 13:05
  Cathi Spooner: But I've never really communicated what the expectations are because I wasn't clear with myself, what the expectations were.
• 13:17
  Cathi Spooner: So I think this is something that gets overlooked a lot.
• 13:23
  Cathi Spooner: We talk about this a lot in my membership programs, which is you have to get clear.
• 13:32
  Cathi Spooner: There's two things you have to be clear about.
• 13:34
  Cathi Spooner: One is your expectations, and the other thing is, your play therapy model.
• 13:41
  Cathi Spooner: You have got to have a model that you are working from.
• 13:45
  Cathi Spooner: It's your GPS.
• 13:48
  Cathi Spooner: It's what tells you what you are doing in every stage of the change process.
• 13:55
  Cathi Spooner: It's what tells you what to look for and what to do in the sessions.
• 14:03
  Cathi Spooner: So getting clear about expectations and providing structure, the structure being your expectations, as well as what play therapy model are you using?
• 14:18
  Cathi Spooner: Your play therapy model helps you understand where you are in the change process and how are you applying your model, right?
• 14:28
  Cathi Spooner: Your model is only as good as your ability to apply it because theory and application are connected and sometimes feel like they are miles apart.
• 14:45
  Cathi Spooner: Like we have our theory, but how do you actually apply that?
• 14:50
  Cathi Spooner: And to me that is the beauty of, um, the consultation we do in a membership programs.
• 14:58
  Cathi Spooner: Like I, I'm about to, um, open up registration for my new membership program, Play Therapy Elevation Circle is coming up.
• 15:08
  Cathi Spooner: And I have a webinar, which I'm gonna talk a little bit more about at the end.
• 15:13
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're really feeling stuck, then I have a free webinar coming up next Monday, August 11th.
• 15:21
  Cathi Spooner: So you, you're, I'll tell you more about that one.
• 15:25
  Cathi Spooner: Um, but this, this is something we talk about a lot.
• 15:30
  Cathi Spooner: What are your expectations and what is your play therapy model?
• 15:34
  Cathi Spooner: So your expect expectations are what, how?
• 15:38
  Cathi Spooner: What are your expectations about how often you're gonna meet with clients and why?
• 15:45
  Cathi Spooner: I feel like if you're working with kids, you need to meet with them weekly.
• 15:48
  Cathi Spooner: If you wanna gain any traction for change, a week is a long time for a kid.
• 15:55
  Cathi Spooner: So explain why.
• 15:57
  Cathi Spooner: Parents often want to do every other week, and sometimes you may end up doing every other week, but every other week is part of the discharge process where you are scaling back the scaffolding.
• 16:12
  Cathi Spooner: And this is how I explain when these things come up.
• 16:16
  Cathi Spooner: I, I explain the reason to help parents and caregivers understand the reason you have these expectations.
• 16:27
  Cathi Spooner: What are the expectations you have for parents and how often you're gonna make meet with parents and, and what's the reason for that?
• 16:36
  Cathi Spooner: What's their role and why are they so crucial to the change process?
• 16:41
  Cathi Spooner: You wanna explain all of that.
• 16:43
  Cathi Spooner: This is also where your play therapy model comes in, because depending on your play therapy model will influence how caregivers or parents are involved in the process.
• 16:55
  Cathi Spooner: So when you're explaining expectations, you also wanna explain your play therapy model and how that works.
• 17:04
  Cathi Spooner: The third thing for overcoming resistance or reluctance is really, I like to use a neuroscience and attachment lens.
• 17:17
  Cathi Spooner: I feel like any play therapy model, you can plug in neuroscience and attachment theory in that, in that model.
• 17:28
  Cathi Spooner: And so if we look at things from an attachment standpoint, a neuroscience standpoint, we know that in order to engage in the change process, clients need to be feel safe.
• 17:44
  Cathi Spooner: They need to feel, because what we're asking them to do is to come in and change.
• 17:49
  Cathi Spooner: And change is uncomfortable.
• 17:51
  Cathi Spooner: And children come in, they don't know you.
• 17:53
  Cathi Spooner: They don't know how this works.
• 17:54
  Cathi Spooner: Parents come in, they don't know you.
• 17:56
  Cathi Spooner: They already feel like failures.
• 17:59
  Cathi Spooner: Because something is wrong with their child.
• 18:01
  Cathi Spooner: So they already come in feeling like they've done something wrong and they, they might be carrying a lot of shame and guilt about that, which of course is not gonna make them feel safe, and they're sure you are thinking the exact same thing, even though you're probably not.
• 18:23
  Cathi Spooner: So we know from neuroscience and attachment theory, if we're encountering a client who's reluctant or parents who are reluctant, then let's use neuroscience and attachment theory and make sense of that.
• 18:37
  Cathi Spooner: And if we do that, then we're making sense of it by, by coming to the realization that they're probably not feeling safe.
• 18:46
  Cathi Spooner: We're asking them to change.
• 18:48
  Cathi Spooner: So the first thing that we're gonna work on is how to create rapport.
• 18:55
  Cathi Spooner: A lot of play therapy models, I would even say mental health, like even when you're working with adults using adult models, congruence for unconditional positive regard and empathy is key.
• 19:10
  Cathi Spooner: So congruence is a really fancy term for saying, internally and externally, I connect with this experience.
• 19:21
  Cathi Spooner: So, um, and I'm, I'm fully present in the moment experiencing internally unconditional positive regard for my client and empathy, and then it kind of comes through my presence with my clients.
• 19:38
  Cathi Spooner: I'm fully present and so we'll get out of congruence.
• 19:42
  Cathi Spooner: We have to recognize when that happens.
• 19:45
  Cathi Spooner: If you're interested in more about congruence, I've talked about that in previous episodes, so you may wanna pop back and listen to or watch some of those episodes that I did on congruence.
• 20:01
  Cathi Spooner: We know that, that it's really important to create that safe space.
• 20:06
  Cathi Spooner: Being attuned to our clients so that we can read their cues in the moment also helps us to adjust and shift and make sense of what's happening in the sessions.
• 20:22
  Cathi Spooner: Then based on your theory model, your play therapy theory model, that's gonna influence what, um, how you make sense of where that child is in the change process, what stage of play therapy they're in, and what are you gonna be doing in that session.
• 20:41
  Cathi Spooner: So first is create that sense of safety and maintain it throughout the change process.
• 20:50
  Cathi Spooner: Especially when you come to those points where there's some, um, challenges going on.
• 20:58
  Cathi Spooner: Again, notice I'm not using the words resistance or using.
• 21:03
  Cathi Spooner: I'm gonna shift that to challenge and then I'm gonna go back to, okay, so what is this?
• 21:09
  Cathi Spooner: I'm gonna get curious about it.
• 21:11
  Cathi Spooner: What's this reluctance that's happening, creating this challenge right now?
• 21:18
  Cathi Spooner: Let me see if I can figure out what that is.
• 21:21
  Cathi Spooner: And your play therapy model is gonna influence how you make sense of that, and what are you gonna do?
• 21:30
  Cathi Spooner: The, the last thing, the fourth thing that I think makes a huge difference.
• 21:38
  Cathi Spooner: Is the power of community.
• 21:40
  Cathi Spooner: I, I really, since I've been doing these membership programs, Play Therapy Academy and also my newer membership, um, registration is opening soon for that one if you're interested.
• 21:52
  Cathi Spooner: Um, but one of the things that I've learned, 'cause I I did a beta launch, back in March.
• 21:59
  Cathi Spooner: So we've had that program going for a little while and it's beta version, and I see this in there as well.
• 22:06
  Cathi Spooner: The power of community, the power of coming together when you're feeling stuck.
• 22:14
  Cathi Spooner: When you're feeling lost, maybe you're not sure what to do.
• 22:18
  Cathi Spooner: Maybe you're curious like, Hey, I'm running at ideas.
• 22:21
  Cathi Spooner: Help me out here.
• 22:23
  Cathi Spooner: You don't have to figure it out all on your own.
• 22:27
  Cathi Spooner: Nobody can do this job alone.
• 22:30
  Cathi Spooner: You can never really figure it out all on your own, 100% of the time, year after year, after year after year.
• 22:41
  Cathi Spooner: I, I've been working with kids and families for probably 40 years now.
• 22:47
  Cathi Spooner: First as a special education teacher for kids with emotional problems in an elementary school, self-contained setting.
• 22:56
  Cathi Spooner: Then I went, did a brief, um, brief job.
• 23:03
  Cathi Spooner: I think I, I lasted almost a year back in the late 1980s as a, uh, residential.
• 23:10
  Cathi Spooner: I loved working with the, the teenagers.
• 23:12
  Cathi Spooner: It was just not a very healthy program at all.
• 23:17
  Cathi Spooner: It was a very unhealthy program.
• 23:19
  Cathi Spooner: This is back in the late eighties.
• 23:22
  Cathi Spooner: Um.
• 23:23
  Cathi Spooner: As a, as a residential staff, which was, I love that experience, but it made me realize I, I really wanted to be a therapist.
• 23:30
  Cathi Spooner: So then got me into, um, becoming a child and adolescent therapist and I. I still need help.
• 23:40
  Cathi Spooner: Like I listen in the community when we meet for our consultation meetings, which are struck, you know, structured we'll, we'll do the staffing.
• 23:50
  Cathi Spooner: We'll figure out what's going on, and then we'll figure out a plan.
• 23:55
  Cathi Spooner: I get ideas one, I even hear other members of the community share their insights, especially the new people.
• 24:04
  Cathi Spooner: You guys don't give yourself enough credit like you got into this field because you have some good intuition and the the insights that you have to give are, are really good.
• 24:21
  Cathi Spooner: So in a community we have, we have people newer to the profession.
• 24:28
  Cathi Spooner: People with, I would say moderate exper, you know, length of experience and then very, very seasoned people.
• 24:36
  Cathi Spooner: Coming together, you get such a well-rounded, I always say kind of a 360 view of the problem.
• 24:44
  Cathi Spooner: We can look at it and identify like what's going on, and then figure out what's the reason that's happening, the play therapy sessions or working with parents and then what, what is your play therapy model?
• 25:01
  Cathi Spooner: How can you apply that?
• 25:03
  Cathi Spooner: What would that look like?
• 25:06
  Cathi Spooner: And then help, help clients to move forward.
• 25:10
  Cathi Spooner: I, I also think being in a a community helps you to stop second guessing yourself all the time, like leaving a session wondering, did I do the right thing?
• 25:21
  Cathi Spooner: Do I need to refer this client to somebody else because I'm not doing a good job and I might be making things worse?
• 25:28
  Cathi Spooner: When you're part of a community, also starts to build your confidence.
• 25:33
  Cathi Spooner: One, you can see what others are doing, so you learn from others and what they're working on, and then how that applies to your client.
• 25:43
  Cathi Spooner: But also you realize you have a lot more wisdom.
• 25:47
  Cathi Spooner: You get support in order to have more confidence so you have less burnout.
• 25:54
  Cathi Spooner: And um, plus you also have a place when you're, you know, having a hard day and, you have your community of play therapists who get it, you don't have to explain play therapy.
• 26:08
  Cathi Spooner: You can talk to your community.
• 26:10
  Cathi Spooner: They can say, hey, this thing happened.
• 26:12
  Cathi Spooner: I'm feeling really kind of down about this, and we all kind of support you and give you virtual pats on the back and tell you, actually, you probably were doing better than you thought you did.
• 26:25
  Cathi Spooner: But also celebrate your, your wins.
• 26:28
  Cathi Spooner: Like we get just as excited.
• 26:30
  Cathi Spooner: Ask any play therapist to show you their playroom.
• 26:33
  Cathi Spooner: We are all about that.
• 26:35
  Cathi Spooner: We get so excited about, you know, like new activities that you found or like how you're rearranging and setting up your playroom.
• 26:46
  Cathi Spooner: Like we get super excited about that.
• 26:50
  Cathi Spooner: So, uh, to me that's the missing ingredient that we don't talk about a lot is the power of a play therapy community.
• 26:59
  Cathi Spooner: And I say play therapy specific because it's a community of child and adolescent therapists who get it.
• 27:07
  Cathi Spooner: You don't have to explain play therapy to them.
• 27:10
  Cathi Spooner: They get it and they can jump in right away and help you, um, get unstuck where you're feeling stuck.
• 27:21
  Cathi Spooner: So that is it for today.
• 27:23
  Cathi Spooner: Let me do a quick recap.
• 27:26
  Cathi Spooner: Today we are talking about how to work with resistance and play therapy for approaches to help reluctant clients.
• 27:36
  Cathi Spooner: First thing is really reframing resistance as reluctance.
• 27:42
  Cathi Spooner: Just throw out, refuse.
• 27:46
  Cathi Spooner: Throw out, resist.
• 27:49
  Cathi Spooner: Don't even use those words in your vocabulary anymore when you're talking about your clients.
• 27:55
  Cathi Spooner: Um, shift to reluctance.
• 27:59
  Cathi Spooner: And when you shift to reluctance, you're gonna look at things differently.
• 28:02
  Cathi Spooner: You're gonna look at what's going on and how can I help my client?
• 28:09
  Cathi Spooner: So if they're reluctant, they're not feeling safe.
• 28:14
  Cathi Spooner: Change.
• 28:14
  Cathi Spooner: We invite them into the change process.
• 28:19
  Cathi Spooner: It's painful.
• 28:20
  Cathi Spooner: Change is hard.
• 28:22
  Cathi Spooner: It, it brings up all our insecurities, all those lies we tell ourselves in our heads that makes us feel shame and guilt and unworthy and unacceptable.
• 28:37
  Cathi Spooner: And, we are new to our clients.
• 28:41
  Cathi Spooner: They don't know us yet.
• 28:42
  Cathi Spooner: We haven't built that rapport.
• 28:44
  Cathi Spooner: So resistance is really about reluctance.
• 28:50
  Cathi Spooner: I would add, including when you get to that middle change really deep into the change process.
• 28:57
  Cathi Spooner: Change is painful.
• 29:00
  Cathi Spooner: So, if you're hitting some challenges where your clients are kind of struggling, then it's, if you look at it and frame it as reluctance, then you're gonna look at, okay, what's going on here?
• 29:15
  Cathi Spooner: What's happening that is activating not feeling safe or activating this reluctance?
• 29:24
  Cathi Spooner: And then what can I do to help them work through this?
• 29:29
  Cathi Spooner: Acceptance and change.
• 29:31
  Cathi Spooner: If we think about DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Acceptance and Change, our clients are doing the best that they can at any moment in time and they can do better.
• 29:42
  Cathi Spooner: But in order to do that, they have to be safe.
• 29:46
  Cathi Spooner: So the the other equally as important thing, um, so.
• 29:52
  Cathi Spooner: Point number two, strategy number two, or feedback, suggestion number two, whatever you wanna call it, is be clear first and foremost with your expectations.
• 30:08
  Cathi Spooner: Be clear with yourself.
• 30:11
  Cathi Spooner: What are your expectations?
• 30:14
  Cathi Spooner: How do you want this to work?
• 30:18
  Cathi Spooner: How do you work?
• 30:21
  Cathi Spooner: Be clear with yourself, because then you have to communicate that to parents or caregivers, and you need to explain the reason for those expectations.
• 30:34
  Cathi Spooner: Part of that expectation is what is the role of parents in the change process?
• 30:41
  Cathi Spooner: And so that will translate into, how often are you meeting with them?
• 30:46
  Cathi Spooner: What are those meetings gonna look like, and what is the reason those meetings are critical for success to happen?
• 30:58
  Cathi Spooner: How often are you gonna meet with the child?
• 31:00
  Cathi Spooner: How, how long are your sessions?
• 31:03
  Cathi Spooner: What happens if they miss a session?
• 31:06
  Cathi Spooner: Do you charge for missed appointments or no-shows?
• 31:09
  Cathi Spooner: How much time do you require to cancel an appointment?
• 31:16
  Cathi Spooner: Those you need to be clear with yourself about, and then you need to communicate those.
• 31:21
  Cathi Spooner: The other thing is, what is your play therapy model?
• 31:25
  Cathi Spooner: You really need to be clear with yourself first, what play therapy model are you going to be using and what is the reason for that and what is that gonna look like?
• 31:37
  Cathi Spooner: Because your play therapy model is what is guides you through the change process and helps you make sense of what to do in each stage of play therapy and the reason you need to do that in each stage of the play therapy session.
• 31:55
  Cathi Spooner: When you're clear about your play therapy model, you can also communicate that to parents and caregivers, why you're doing what you're doing, and why do things work the way that they work.
• 32:08
  Cathi Spooner: What's the reason for that?
• 32:09
  Cathi Spooner: Because your play therapy model is gonna be like your GPS and help you understand how to get through all of those things.
• 32:18
  Cathi Spooner: And when you hit those road bumps.
• 32:20
  Cathi Spooner: Um, or hit those roadblocks or then it'll, your play therapy model's gonna help you figure out what to do to move forward.
• 32:32
  Cathi Spooner: So be clear about your expectations, be clear about what play therapy model you're using and the reason for that.
• 32:41
  Cathi Spooner: And then you need to clearly communicate that to caregivers and to clients.
• 32:49
  Cathi Spooner: Strategies for overcoming reluctance really is if you look at this from a neuroscience and attachment standpoint, anytime you hit any reluctance, it's an indication of your client's not feeling safe.
• 33:05
  Cathi Spooner: Something just got activated.
• 33:07
  Cathi Spooner: What is it?
• 33:10
  Cathi Spooner: And consider the possibility of not feeling safe.
• 33:14
  Cathi Spooner: And what do you need to do in order to create safety?
• 33:17
  Cathi Spooner: Because pain is, uh, change is painful.
• 33:20
  Cathi Spooner: I got that backwards.
• 33:21
  Cathi Spooner: Change is painful.
• 33:23
  Cathi Spooner: It's gonna activate things.
• 33:25
  Cathi Spooner: It's gonna activate, um, maladaptive patterns of behavior.
• 33:35
  Cathi Spooner: And then what's the reason that maladaptive behavior got activated?
• 33:42
  Cathi Spooner: Your play therapy model is gonna help you understand that.
• 33:45
  Cathi Spooner: It's gonna explain that, and then it's gonna help you understand what to do.
• 33:49
  Cathi Spooner: If you're looking at this from a neuroscience and a, and, neuroscience and attachment framework, then we're gonna automatically go to safety and security.
• 34:02
  Cathi Spooner: What just happened and how do we reestablish that?
• 34:07
  Cathi Spooner: Or how do we establish that in the beginning?
• 34:09
  Cathi Spooner: And then in the, in the nitty gritty, deep down change process, what are we gonna do to reestablish that?
• 34:18
  Cathi Spooner: If something has, um, ruptured that safety.
• 34:25
  Cathi Spooner: And then the fourth thing is the power of a play therapy community.
• 34:31
  Cathi Spooner: I really think we don't talk about this one enough.
• 34:34
  Cathi Spooner: I, and I've, I've noticed such a difference in, myself when I had a play therapy community or even it was just like a friend, like way, way, way back I was, I had learned my play therapy model.
• 34:51
  Cathi Spooner: I had gotten my registered play therapy credential and I was still struggling,'cause now I didn't have the support and I kind of, and I was the only play therapist in my, my community.
• 35:06
  Cathi Spooner: And there were like 200,000 people in the community and that like quite a few therapists, I was the only play therapist that I knew of until I met my friend, and then she and I were, it.
• 35:22
  Cathi Spooner: So we were kind of a, a support for each other, and that made such a difference to work through.
• 35:30
  Cathi Spooner: And then I, I created, this was way, this was back when I lived, uh, on the East Coast.
• 35:36
  Cathi Spooner: And then I, I had a, um, I created group practice and we only did play therapy, so we kind of created our own little community there.
• 35:49
  Cathi Spooner: But I saw a difference in the quality of play therapy services that I provided and that the therapist in my group provided.
• 36:00
  Cathi Spooner: 'Cause we did a lot of consultation and then, then I moved across to the other side of the country here in the United States and I, I had nothing.
• 36:09
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and then I, uh, so I, I noticed a niche and I, I started doing some consultation and then creating community.
• 36:18
  Cathi Spooner: And what I've noticed in the memberships is just the quality of play therapy that is being provided.
• 36:28
  Cathi Spooner: And you can see that when, when they, when that their play therapists do their case presentations or, we'll, we'll staff those.
• 36:39
  Cathi Spooner: You can see the confidence in their voice.
• 36:43
  Cathi Spooner: You can see the confidence in their feedback and the wisdom that's happening.
• 36:50
  Cathi Spooner: And so I, I think, um, it, the power of having a play therapy community really is important because you, you get support.
• 37:04
  Cathi Spooner: You don't have to do it alone.
• 37:06
  Cathi Spooner: You don't have to feel like you're second guessing yourself all of the time or wondering if you're doing the right thing or, um, going into what I call the spaghetti against the wall model, uh, which is I'm just gonna pick play therapy activities and do those and hope something sticks at some point.
• 37:26
  Cathi Spooner: It's an awful feeling.
• 37:28
  Cathi Spooner: Um, and when you have the support, it does make a huge difference to learn your play therapy and model and how to apply it and then figure out what to do in your sections.
• 37:39
  Cathi Spooner: You start, you have a place where you can bring some of those really tough and challenging cases where you're feeling burned out and overwhelmed.
• 37:50
  Cathi Spooner: I probably secretly wishing you could just work with pa uh, the child and not the parents.
• 37:55
  Cathi Spooner: 'Cause usually that's where we get stuck.
• 37:57
  Cathi Spooner: But it, but we get stuck with kids too.
• 37:59
  Cathi Spooner: We can work with some challenging kids and then feel, a lot of like, you're letting your clients down, like you're not a good play therapist, and the likelihood it's that it's not very high, it's just that we can't do it alone.
• 38:17
  Cathi Spooner: And you, we can't really go to adult therapists or therapists that are using an adult model because they don't really get it.
• 38:26
  Cathi Spooner: You, you end up having to explain what play therapy is.
• 38:30
  Cathi Spooner: Then you may get the looks or they're like, oh, they're just kids.
• 38:34
  Cathi Spooner: Just play with them.
• 38:35
  Cathi Spooner: You don't, you don't get any of that because we get it.
• 38:37
  Cathi Spooner: We get what play therapy is.
• 38:41
  Cathi Spooner: We, we, we are happy with your wins and we support you with your woes.
• 38:49
  Cathi Spooner: So that is it for today.
• 38:52
  Cathi Spooner: I do wanna let you know about my free webinar coming up, so the, if you're interested, it's the, I have a free webinar coming up.
• 39:03
  Cathi Spooner: It's called How to Provide Play Therapy Without Second Guessing Every Clinical Decision, even with CH with, uh, complex Cases.
• 39:13
  Cathi Spooner: So in the webinar I'm gonna walk you through, uh, like a three part framework.
• 39:19
  Cathi Spooner: So I'll walk you through the framework and then we're gonna do a case study and we're gonna use the power of community to kind of work through that, get ideas, figure out what to do, um, to implement the, the, the framework to help you really get more confidence with your clinical decision making.
• 39:47
  Cathi Spooner: Stop second guessing every decision and wondering if you should change professions or secretly wish you could run away and not work with parents or secretly wish you could refer your hard kids to somebody else who can do it better.
• 40:08
  Cathi Spooner: So if you're interested, the webinar is on August 11th.
• 40:14
  It'll be at 5: 30 PM Pacific Time.
• 40:19
  It'll be at 5: Um, it'll be about 90 minutes.
• 40:22
  It'll be at 5: You can register.
• 40:23
  It'll be at 5: Registration is gonna close this weekend.
• 40:27
  It'll be at 5: Um, it's gonna close in a few days, so you'll wanna pop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com.
• 40:37
  It'll be at 5: That is RH play therapy training.com.
• 40:42
  It'll be at 5: Renewing hearts, play Therapy Training.
• 40:44
  It'll be at 5: Register for the training.
• 40:46
  It'll be at 5: It's free.
• 40:47
  It'll be at 5: So 90 minutes we will come together as play therapists.
• 40:51
  It'll be at 5: We will put our nerdy heads together and um, learn some, learn some skills.
• 41:01
  It'll be at 5: And if you're interested, I do have Play Therapy Elevation Circle is also, uh, registration, uh, is opening up next week as well.
• 41:10
  It'll be at 5: It's only gonna be open for a week.
• 41:12
  It'll be at 5: If you're interested in Play Therapy Elevation Circle, then head over to my website and go onto the consultation page and you can sign up for the wait list so that you get notified right away and you don't miss out.
• 41:26
  It'll be at 5: So that is it for today.
• 41:29
  It'll be at 5: Pop over to my website, sign up for the free webinar, and I will see you next week.
• 41:47
  It'll be at 5: Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 41:52
  It'll be at 5: I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families feel.
• 42:01
  It'll be at 5: If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review.
• 42:07
  It'll be at 5: Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information.
• 42:12
  It'll be at 5: Remember.
• 42:13
  It'll be at 5: Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth.
• 42:17
  It'll be at 5: Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships.
• 42:28
  It'll be at 5: If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episode.
• 42:34
  It'll be at 5: I'd love to hear from you.
• 42:35
  It'll be at 5: Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources.
• 42:48
  It'll be at 5: Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 42:52
  It'll be at 5: Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.