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Navigating the Tides of Betrayal · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 27.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 27.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Last week I spoke about failure, taking a timeout and adjusting your game plan.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: As a six on the Enneagram, I love to have a set game plan.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: The older I get, I'm learning to be a bit more flexible in knowing it to be a fluid thing that can be adjusted, revised or thrown out if not working.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: But on the other side of that, as a coach, we call the timeouts and we use our halftime to make those adjustments to our game plan, because nothing is set in stone and can be tweaked at will.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: If only life were this way.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Have you ever been watching a TV series and someone betrayed another character Like you almost take it personally and start scheming how you can make it right or get revenge for the betrayed character.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Please don't let me be the only one.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Today I want to talk about betrayal that has nothing to do with the series, but everything to do with us.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: You see, betrayal has many forms.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: For me, I think of betrayal as losing trust in someone.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's your spouse, a friend, a co-worker or another family member.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: There are different kinds, but it always stems from a relationship.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: You see, relationships are the core of who we are as people, and so it stands to reason.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: This is where betrayal enters the picture.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: So I'd like to give you maybe my working definition of betrayal.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Betrayal occurs in a relationship when there is a violation of a contract, trust or confidence, which then produces a moral or psychological conflict within the relationship.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I want to discuss five different kinds of betrayal today and the next week I want to discuss what you can do to recover from betrayal.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: So let's jump into it.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Number one the first kind of betrayal would be a financial betrayal Like this is where a spouse or child or parent has hidden an addiction such as gambling, or maybe it's just the act of always overspending.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Number two narcissism.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: This is one of the most selfish behaviors ever, but this concerns only the person doing it.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Everyone else is wrong and they will go to great lengths to prove you wrong.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: But to the partner, this one is a slow burn because we tend not to recognize that it is narcissism, selfishness and the need for it to be all about this person is an act of betrayal.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Number three not standing up for your spouse, your friend or child in public or in front of anyone else is a form of betrayal.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Let me say this here If you are married and someone, even a close family member, says something about your spouse and you don't stand up for them, it will take years to recover from this.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Number four emotional coldness or detachment.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Being available to your partner doesn't only mean that you should be physically present, but it also means that you should be present with them emotionally.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Have you ever lived with someone whose head was buried in the sand?
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: They avoid you and they are not emotionally available for you to express your needs.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Number five last but not least, disrespect.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: If your partner begins to act in a way that makes you feel beneath them, this is trouble Treating you with the mentality that you must do everything for them.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: This is a signal that your relationship will start on a slow roll downhill and then just speed up.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Disrespect can be very subtle or very pronounced.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: There are other kinds of betrayal, but I wanted to highlight just a few.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Some of these acts of betrayal may result from a past experience that your partner experienced earlier in life and it may not be intended to hurt you, but it may be intended as a defense mechanism from being hurt again by betrayal.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: There are no excuses, by the way.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: One more thought on this your partner may be lonely or have feelings of despair.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: This can cause them to have an emotional withdrawal and a loss of connection that could lead to some sort of betrayal, especially if their needs are not being met.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: These are just a few ways betrayal can be devastating to your relationships.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: You can work through it and find healing from betrayal, but it takes a very strong commitment on your part to do so.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Next week, I want to discuss the five most important ways to work through and heal from betrayal.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: It's not an easy road, but the victory on the other side is very rewarding.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I know today's message might have hit some of you too close to home.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I know this and the dangers of not getting help, so please, if this is in any way, you please search out a therapist and talk to them.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: There is hope, and where there is hope, we can build a game plan to walk you through and get you the help you so rightly deserve and get you off the bench and back into life.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Until next week.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you.