Latest / The Diva Details / 100 Traits, 35 Essentials: What Women Really Want in a Man

Transcript

100 Traits, 35 Essentials: What Women Really Want in a Man · The Diva Details

0:01
Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details,
0:05
where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
0:10
From love and sex to wellness and reinvention,
0:14
we keep it raw, real, and powerful.
0:17
No filters, no limits, just fearless conversations
0:22
to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva
0:26
Mia and Diva Kat.
0:32
Well, hello, this is Diva Mia. And today we are going
0:36
to go into something a little bit different. We're going to break down the top
0:40
100 things that women may be looking for in a man. And this is a
0:43
list that before anyone starts hyperventilating over the number 100, this is not
0:47
a demand that one man arrive with every quality perfectly installed
0:52
in them. This is a list including core requirements,
0:54
serious deal breakers, strong preferences and bonuses.
0:58
Those categories are interchangeable. Women are often accused of having unrealistic
1:03
standards, but wanting honesty, loyalty, intelligence,
1:06
emotional maturity, affection, financial responsibility, and reciprocity
1:11
is not really asking for too much. The real problem begins when we confuse preferences
1:16
with requirements or claim something is non-negotiable and then negotiate
1:20
in a minute once we feel chemistry with someone, or we
1:24
change our are non-negotiables. A man can be handsome, successful,
1:27
charming, and exciting while still failing the qualities
1:31
required for a healthy relationship. Because chemistry is one
1:35
thing, connection is another. And you need
1:39
to be able to connect as well as find out if they're a genuinely good
1:42
man. They may just not be compatible with you. A red flag,
1:46
a personal preference, and basic incompatibility are 3 different
1:50
things. As we go through the list, I want you to ask yourself 3
1:54
questions. What do I truly require? What will immediately disqualify someone?
1:58
And which qualities would be wonderful but are essential?
2:03
And for all the men out there, 'cause I know I have a lot of
2:05
male listeners, we're gonna go through the list that men want for
2:09
women on Friday. So this is not designed as a designing
2:13
a perfect man. It's about understanding what creates attraction, what creates
2:17
compatibility, and what creates enough trust and stability
2:20
for love to survive after the excitement of the first few months wear off
2:24
or after the honeymoon timeframe. This is the list to see if you are
2:28
truly compatible and can last long-term with a partner. Let's get
2:32
into it for women because really what men want and women want in the very
2:36
beginning is about the same. What they think they want and what they should probably
2:39
do is stop compromising. The bare minimum is, is the basics.
2:43
Sometimes women forget about just taking the bare minimum and they allow people
2:48
in their lives that they shouldn't. One of the first things is I noticed
2:51
that the top 5 things for men and women
2:56
are almost exactly the same. I'm going to go over those real quick and then
2:59
we're going to just go through the women list. And then on Friday, we'll go
3:02
through the male list so you guys know what women are looking for. And the
3:04
reason you'll want to know this is because if you're in the dating, dating realm,
3:09
you want to make sure that you have the qualities that women
3:13
are looking for. Women want to make sure that they have the qualities that men
3:16
are looking for. Here we go. Number 1, and this is on both lists,
3:19
okay? It's not sexual attractiveness. It's actually honesty.
3:23
Women want a man that's honest. And they, their number 1 requirement is
3:27
honesty. And here's the thing. Men want honesty
3:31
number 1 as well. That's number 1 for men.
3:34
Women want honesty. Men want honesty. Number 2 is loyalty.
3:38
Women want loyalty. The number 1 or the number 2 for men is also
3:42
loyalty. I think there's some honesty and loyalty problems out
3:45
there in the dating pool since it's number 1 and number 2 for both men
3:49
and for women. Number 3 for a woman is physical and emotional
3:53
safety. Physical and emotional safety. That's not number
3:57
3 for a man. Number 4 is respect. Respect is
4:00
number 4, but it makes number 5 for a man. So women want
4:04
respect, men, it comes in number 5. Then number 5 for a woman
4:09
is emotional maturity, and number 5 for a man is emotional stability.
4:12
Very similar, but those are the top 5.
4:15
We're going to go back and we're going to go through their core relationship requirements.
4:19
These core relationship requirements, that's your bare minimum, ladies.
4:23
If they don't have these, you're going to walk away typically from a relationship.
4:27
For a woman, I'm going to give you 15 things that are core for most
4:30
women. Number 1 is honesty. We just spoke about that. Number 2 is loyalty.
4:35
Number 3 is physical and emotional safety. Number 4
4:39
is respect. And number 5 is emotional maturity. Now I know
4:42
there's a lot of emotionally immature men out there, but if you're
4:45
not hitting those top 5, then you
4:49
may have bumps along the road in the relationship. You know,
4:52
number 6 is trustworthiness, meaning that you can trust them
4:55
when you're not around. That's trustworthiness. Number 7 is
4:59
kindness, and number 8 is consistency.
5:03
Number 9 is romantic and sexual attraction.
5:07
That's pretty high for a woman, romantic and sexual attraction. Number 10
5:10
is clear communication. So this is what women are looking for,
5:13
our top 10 in men. It shouldn't be too hard to get these
5:17
areas, but you know, sometimes in dating it can be challenging.
5:21
Number 11 is we're looking for reciprocity.
5:25
Number 12 is personal accountability. So if they make a mistake
5:29
or if a guy makes a mistake, is he taking accountability or is he deflecting
5:33
or blaming the other person? Emotional availability.
5:37
Does that mean if you're— do they open up to you?
5:40
Are they vulnerable? Will they have conversations with you?
5:44
And number 14 is compatible core values.
5:48
So this might be politics if it's big for you, religion. It depends
5:52
on what your core values are. You know, morals, values, ethics, those tend to be
5:56
core values. Do you guys match? Then number 15 is healthy conflict
5:59
repair. So number 15, if you get into an argument, are you working
6:03
on resolving the conflict in a healthy way or is it a fight?
6:07
Women don't want to fight. They want actually healthy conflict repair. Those are the top
6:11
15 core relationship requirements. Ladies, I don't know
6:15
if those resonate with you, that those are the things you're looking for in a
6:19
man as your top core requirements. But if they don't have them,
6:22
why are you sticking in a relationship that doesn't give you the basic 15 bare
6:26
minimums? Because that's what a core relationship requirement is. I think sometimes we
6:30
settle after we have chemistry and we stick around longer than we should when we're
6:34
not even getting the basics. Next, we're going to go over the common
6:37
deal breakers. Okay. These are deal breakers that when they
6:41
happen, most women will walk away. So guys, if you're listening
6:44
to this, don't do these things. Because when it happens,
6:48
women just tend to walk away or it breaks the relationship
6:51
in irreparable ways. Number 16 shouldn't be that,
6:55
you know, it should be obvious to everyone is infidelity
6:58
or attempted infidelity. So that's having sex with another partner or
7:03
emotional infidelity, just basically cheating on your partner.
7:07
That's number 16. So that's the, basically the number one reason why people
7:11
break up is infidelity. Number 17 is violence
7:14
or intimidation. So if you're getting violent or trying to intimidate the person you're with,
7:18
a lot of women will just walk away. So realize that violence and intimidation
7:22
doesn't last for most women. Number 18 is chronic lying.
7:26
I think that kind of ties into number 16 too, because most people that have
7:29
infidelity are also chronic liars. So 18 is chronic liars.
7:33
19 is sexual pressure or coercion.
7:35
Sometimes men are pressuring women to have sex. Sometimes it's the
7:39
women are pressuring the men, but sexual pressure or coercion is
7:43
number 19, and it's a deal breaker. For a woman if they feel like they're,
7:46
they're getting violated. Uncontrolled addiction. So men, if you have
7:50
an alcohol problem or a drug addiction, that's number 20.
7:53
It's a deal breaker for a lot of women. Number 21 is misogyny. Now I've
7:57
seen men that are very respectful to their women, but boy, when they get with
8:01
their guy friends, they are very misogynistic. Watch what you say to women because
8:05
they don't like to hear the misogyny. We don't. It's, we've, we've done a lot
8:08
to come this far in civilization. It doesn't make sense to be so misogynistic.
8:13
Number 22 is when a man has contempt for a woman. So if you have
8:16
contempt for a woman or you give them dirty looks, that's number 22. Some women
8:20
will walk away for that. 23, excessive jealousy or control.
8:25
If you're trying to control a man or you're constantly getting jealous,
8:28
that's number 23. But honestly, if you're at that point in your relationship,
8:32
there's probably something else going on, ladies, and you probably already walked away.
8:35
Number 24 is financial irresponsibility or exploitation.
8:39
If you're not good with your money, 24, women will walk away if you can't
8:43
take care of your money because women want to have stability as well and security
8:48
and Financial security is part of security. Number 25 is secretive online
8:52
behavior. This is the emotional cheating, the constantly thumbing
8:55
up your exes, constantly messaging and dropping into women's DMs and
8:59
talking to other women is the reason why women will break up with men.
9:02
An unresolved relationship with their ex is number 26. So if you're still
9:06
talking to your ex and communicating with them, or it's creating conflict in
9:10
your current relationship, that's number 26. 27 is love bombing
9:14
or manipulation. A lot of women know when they're being manipulated
9:17
or if you're love bombing or if it's just too much. They feel like it's,
9:20
you can't be trusted when you do something like that. So that's number 27,
9:24
followed by 28, which is chronic anger. Chronic anger. If you're angry
9:28
all the time or you have fits of rage, women will walk away for that
9:32
just because you never know if it's going to turn violent. And 29,
9:35
disrespect towards her children. If you're not respecting
9:38
her children and you want to be in a relationship with this woman, she's just
9:41
going to walk away. Number 30 is recklessly endangering her health.
9:44
Now recklessly endangering her health can be related to infidelity because
9:49
that's reckless endangerment. She did not approve of you to sleep with
9:53
someone else and you brought that person back into the relationship. Every person
9:57
you have an affair with recklessly endangers her health. Number 30,
10:00
I don't blame them. Or if you drive too fast or you drive
10:04
drunk or you do things that maybe you're a drug
10:07
addict, anything that can endanger her health is number 30. Number 31 is incompatible
10:12
definition of monogamy. Women, you guys need to match
10:16
your definition of monogamy. And that should be a discussion that you have early on.
10:19
If you guys say you're exclusive in a relationship, you need to define exclusivity
10:23
these days, believe it or not. For a lot of women, it means that
10:27
you're just with one person. That's, that's the definition of monogamy.
10:30
Whereas sometimes other people believe that, you know, you can still flirt
10:34
with other people. You can still be talking to people online. But the
10:38
problem with that is it tends to be a slippery slope, which tends to lead
10:41
to affairs anyway. But you guys need to come to a definition of monogamy that
10:44
works for both of you. 32 is refuse to accept accountability.
10:48
Now we did have accountability before, but if you will refuse to
10:52
accept accountability, that's a, that can be a deal breaker, but it was also part
10:56
of the core relationship. Chronic instability. Can you hold it
11:00
down? Are you constantly going through crisis after crisis?
11:04
That's number 33. And 34 is refusal to define
11:08
or commit to the relationship. So if you're wishy-washy,
11:11
sometimes women will put up with it for a little bit, but then they walk
11:14
away because they just They don't want a wishy-washy guy. It looks like you
11:17
have an attachment style that is dismissive avoidant or something.
11:21
Number 35, fundamental incompatibility with life goals.
11:25
It's funny that these are deal breakers. And it may be
11:29
that, you know, your life goals are to retire by the time you're 40 and
11:32
they want to work until they're 60, or you want to start traveling at
11:36
40 and they don't want to, or something like that. There can be life goals
11:40
that are incompatible. Now the next 36 to 80, I'm going to go fast
11:44
because those are strong preferences, but the top 35 we just went through.
11:49
Men, if you're, if you don't have those basic 35
11:53
listed and feel free to write them down and I'll probably post somewhere
11:56
the list, but if you don't have the basics down, you have
12:01
a higher chance of losing an important partner to you. So here's some
12:04
of the preferences that women also enjoy. Now I think
12:08
men were expecting women to say, I need a 6'2, I need a, you know,
12:11
a guy with 6 figures, I need All this other stuff. Those weren't on the
12:15
first 35. If you notice, none of that was there. So men
12:18
keep saying that women are too demanding and they want all of this,
12:22
but those weren't deal breakers. Those weren't core requirements. And the core
12:25
requirements and deal breakers are there for most women. So if you can knock
12:29
out the first 35, then the others are just preferences. All right.
12:33
I'm going to go quick. I'm going to do 36 is intelligence,
12:37
37, Competence, 38, financial stability,
12:41
39, ambition or purpose, 40,
12:44
confidence without arrogance or cockiness. Don't get your ego
12:48
involved. 41, sense of humor, 42,
12:51
affection, 43, empathy,
12:54
44, generosity, 45, reliability,
12:58
46, initiative. So make sure to take initiative. 47,
13:02
sound decision-making, because you are supposed to be a leader.
13:05
48, protectiveness without control. Meaning if they
13:08
are at a place that they could be threatened, a man steps in. So protectiveness
13:12
without control. 49, support for her success, not just for
13:16
yours, support for her success. 50, curiosity.
13:19
51, strong conversational ability. 52,
13:23
sexual compatibility. 53, physical attraction.
13:27
54. So, you know, physical attraction is not till 53, guys.
13:31
Wow. I would have put that a little higher for me, but nonetheless,
13:34
54, good grooming, 55,
13:37
physical health and fitness, 56,
13:40
domestic competence, meaning that you know how to handle
13:44
domestic issues as well as the household, 57,
13:47
genuine friendship, 58, patience,
13:50
59, resilience, 60, adaptability,
13:54
61, direct communication. 62,
13:57
listening skills. 63, appropriate vulnerability.
14:02
64, secure relationship behavior.
14:05
65, healthy boundaries. 66,
14:08
personal independence. 67, teamwork.
14:12
68, practical problem solving.
14:15
69, compatible lifestyle. 70,
14:19
compatible spiritual or religious beliefs.
14:22
71, compatible political beliefs. 72,
14:25
social confidence. 73, compatibility with her family.
14:30
74, compatible parenting values. Now this is probably for
14:34
someone that is going to have kids or maybe still has kids in the household.
14:38
75, time available for relationships. Do you even have time?
14:42
76, punctuality. 77,
14:44
cleanliness. 78, romantic effort. 79,
14:48
expressing appreciation. And 80 is commitment to personal
14:53
growth. So those are the 80. And as you notice, we didn't even talk
14:56
about height or weight or clothing style or education.
15:01
And it's so funny because I think a lot of men think that those are
15:04
non-negotiable for women, but they're not. They're a preference, but it's not a
15:07
requirement. So if you're a man out there and you're wondering, get your
15:11
top 35 down for sure. And then the others are just preferences.
15:15
As long as you're loyal and you're honest
15:19
and you're respectful and emotionally mature and trustworthy,
15:22
you've already got the top 5 going for you. If you make
15:26
the woman feel safe, then even better. But all of those top 15
15:30
and then the top 20 after that for the common deal breakers, you've got to
15:33
get those down pat if you want to date in this world right now,
15:37
especially if you want to have a long-term partner. All right. The last
15:40
20 I'm going to go over, I'm going to go over pretty quickly too,
15:42
but it's going to be shocking because I think the last 20, which are kind
15:46
of a bonus and individual preferences, They're the ones that men focus
15:49
on. They're not focusing on the first 15. And that's the
15:53
sad thing is the first 15 are more important. But these are just bonuses that
15:57
if you have them, great, but it's usually not a requirement. So 81 is
16:01
preferred height. So a lot of people say, oh, I have to be 6 foot.
16:04
No, 81 is preferred height. You could be shorter as long as you're
16:08
a good guy and you have values and morals and ethics and all the loyalty
16:12
and honesty and respect your woman. Number 82,
16:15
personal style. Number 83, education. 84,
16:19
professional accomplishment. Have you succeeded? 85,
16:22
social influence or status. 86,
16:25
compatible travel preferences. 87,
16:28
your ability to cook. 88, interest in music or dancing.
16:33
89, shared hobbies. 90,
16:36
adventurous. 91, cultural interests.
16:39
92 is Community involvement.
16:42
93, strong friendships. 94, healthy family
16:46
relationships. I think that should actually be higher, but 95,
16:50
spontaneity. 96, compatible texting habits.
16:54
97, geographic proximity. Wow.
16:58
So women don't even care if you're near. They care way more about your honesty
17:02
and your integrity. 98, preferred age range. And we
17:06
also don't care about your age. 99, practical or mechanical skills. And 100
17:10
thoughtful gestures. So that's the list.
17:13
Everyone has a list of what they want in a partner. Some people have 5
17:17
requirements, some have 50, but that gives you a huge list. And ladies,
17:21
if you want to take that list and create a journal entry that has
17:25
what you require in whatever order, some want loyalty,
17:28
intelligence, affection, financial stability, a 6-pack
17:31
abs, perfect teeth, no wife, ex-wife drama, while others
17:35
want a lake house, but with qualities actually create a
17:38
successful relationship, which are simply preferences, and which
17:42
standards do we conveniently abandon the minute chemistry enters the
17:46
room? If you're losing yourself in a relationship,
17:49
are you forgetting your core requirements? You should have the core requirements
17:54
first. Men and women are not as different as we pretend though, because honesty,
17:58
loyalty, kindness, attraction, communication, and emotional availability
18:01
and reliability and respect, we're at the very beginning for
18:05
both sides. So if you don't have that as a man, or you
18:09
don't have that as a woman, honesty, loyalty, kindness,
18:12
attraction, communication, emotional availability,
18:16
reliability, and respect, you're going to lose out on a lot of
18:20
really good partners. Core requirements, you know, these are
18:24
the true non-negotiables. It must produce a no when it is absent. Women will walk
18:28
away if you don't have their core requirements. If someone lacks it and you continue
18:32
dating them anyway, it was not functioning as a non-negotiable. It was a preference,
18:36
or you completely diminished yourself in order to stay in a relationship
18:40
that had basic level chemistry. Men may tend to prioritize— we discussed
18:44
warmth, affection, respect, and peaceful partners. Men are not a single
18:48
species operating from an instruction manual. Every man is going to be different, but it
18:52
does give you an idea of highlights. Coming up on Friday, I'm going to go
18:55
over the men's list too that men are looking for in a woman.
18:58
Women tend to prioritize safety, loyalty, intelligence,
19:01
competence, emotional maturity, financial stability,
19:05
initiative, communication, and affection. This is where your
19:09
own story becomes powerful though, because you have qualities that you want,
19:13
yet sometimes you remain with people that don't have all those core
19:16
requirement qualities. The question is not whether we possess standards.
19:20
It is whether we enforce them. When we are lonely, attracted,
19:24
emotionally attached, or convinced that the dating pool is terrible.
19:28
Override that because you are worth more. You are worthy of
19:31
having exactly what you're looking for. So from my list of 100,
19:35
if everyone could come up with a list of 10 core requirements and that
19:39
are non-negotiable, 10 deal breakers, and 15 strong preferences,
19:43
everything else is going to be a bonus. So you only need to come up
19:47
with 35 things total. And if your current partner failed your core
19:51
requirements, why are you continuing in the relationship? Here's the thing.
19:54
A long list is not going to protect you if you feel abandoned
19:58
or if the moment someone gives you chemistry, attention, or affection.
20:01
Standards only become your boundaries when you are willing to walk away
20:05
when they are not meeting your core requirements. So I hope this helped.
20:08
I know this was quite the list that I went over, but if you can
20:12
develop your own list and your own structure and figure out exactly
20:16
what you're looking for, you'll be much happier. But remember, your core requirements are
20:20
the non-negotiables. So only put in your top 10 core requirements, the things that you
20:24
are, when you see it, you're just going to say no to it.
20:27
It'll help the dating process go much smoother for you and hopefully give
20:30
you a happier dating life and lifestyle. And you'll be much happier
20:35
in the long run with the partner you actually find and end up with.
20:38
I hope this helps. This is Diva Mia. There's your list. You can play it
20:41
back in slow-mo or fast-mo, whatever works for you. Have a wonderful day.
20:47
Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe,
20:50
and drop a comment. We love hearing from you. Visit thedivadetails.com
20:55
to connect. See you next week for more.
21:02
Diva Details podcast and website are intended solely for informational and entertainment purposes. The content
21:06
provided does not constitute professional medical, financial, or legal advice. We are not licensed medical
21:09
practitioners, financial advisors, or legal professionals. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for medical
21:13
advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any financial topics discussed are based on personal opinions and experience
21:16
and should not be considered professional advice. The content provided does not constitute legal advice.
21:19
The Diva Details and its affiliate contributors and guests are not liable for any losses
21:22
or damages arising from use of our content. The opinions expressed in the podcast are
21:24
solely those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views of any affiliated
21:27
organizations, sponsors, or partners. All facts discussed in the podcast are researched and accurate to
21:29
the best of our knowledge at the time of recording. Information may change over time.
21:31
No guarantees are made regarding the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of any statements or opinions
21:34
presented. It is the responsibility of the listener to verify any and all facts that
21:36
may influence their decision. This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and should
21:39
not be considered professional advice.