Latest / Doug Has Questions / Episode 48: Sandy Corbari; Finding Family After Six Decades of Questions

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Episode 48: Sandy Corbari; Finding Family After Six Decades of Questions · Doug Has Questions

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_05: Hi, my name is Doug.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks for tuning into my podcast, Doug Has Questions.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_05: I was born and raised in Haynes, Alaska with two former educators and parents.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_05: I got out of education, went into retail, and my sister and I grew up in a retail store that now includes clothing, groceries, and sporting goods.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_05: Over the years, had a chance to meet people from a variety of different backgrounds, and I have a lot of questions for them.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_05: Now I get to ask them.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome to this episode of Doug Has Questions.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_05: Today my guest is Sandy Korbari.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: You got it.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks for joining us, Sandy.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_05: Coming up here from Bend, Oregon.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_05: Spend a little sunshine time in Haynes.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_05: Doug, do we thank you for the sunshine we're having outside right now?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_05: Did you bring that with you?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: No, no.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: We had bad air quality.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: The fires everywhere.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_05: So nobody in Haynes would have known that.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_05: You could have you could have taken credit for the sunshine.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: Nice to come up here with fresh air.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_05: Well, before we get any further, and I forget, we got we got your get you your mug.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_05: It's not filled with anything.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_05: You're gonna have to fill that with what whatever beverage of choice you have in the future.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_05: Coffee.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Coffee, no doubt.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, thank you.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_05: You bet.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks for joining us.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_05: So we get we're gonna go into your backstory.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, you have a connection to Hayes that not I don't think a lot of people know about.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_05: And with a previous guest of ours, but we're gonna save that to the end.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_05: First, we need to get the Sandy story.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_05: Are you ready for that?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_05: Where do you want to start?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_05: Let's let's start growing up growing up in Oregon.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: I grew up in Oregon.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: I was born in Portland.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_05: Good.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um moved to Astoria at three months old.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: And then lived in Roseburg, Oregon for eight years, and then moved up to Salem area.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: Grew up there on a farm.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_05: So which when you're when you're thinking about to your younger days in Oregon, a lot of outdoor activities?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_05: You're more kind of a bookworm athletics?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely outdoors.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely athletics.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, like the uh my um parents.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I guess.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_05: And you can you're you're tiptoeing around, but we'll let everybody know.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_05: So when you moved to Astoria at three months, it was because you were adopted, right?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_05: Correct.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_05: And so your adoptive parents.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: My adopted parents, yep.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, like I said, Astoria, Roseburg, back to the Willamette Valley.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then um fourth grade.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: We uh looked they bought a farm, 20, 28 acres in the Willamette Valley, which if anybody knows the Willamette Valley, you know, everything grows, it's kind of like Haynes, you know.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_05: Um then they what were they growing on the farm?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh, they had um hay, uh alfalfa hay, and then just the pastures for the cattle, cattle and horses, pigs, chickens.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_05: So you were you a horse horse girl?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: I was a horse girl.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_05: Were you doing the like the horse shows and everything, the dressage?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I did do no, right did um uh 4-H, did Western Pleasure um for no, I think maybe five years, and then you know, boys trump horse.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: Boys became more like just you know, stayed out back.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_05: So that does work both ways because usually, you know, guys are into certain things and then girls come in the picture and all those previous interests kind of fade to the wayside.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, that's what happened.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_05: So you didn't find a cowboy to I actually did.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_05: You did?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_05: So you could you got both.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_05: I married a cowboy.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_05: You married a cowboy.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_05: Well, yeah, so you got the horse life and the guy.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: And a good one too.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_05: And a good one.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, perfect.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um, yeah, so I was definitely an outdoors kid for sure.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like I never I was, in fact, my adoptive mother, she'd be like, You never want to be, you know, in the house in here with me in the kitchen, which was true because I was always outside, you know, with that horses or um cu because we live out in the country, I have really fond memories of like taking my softball, you know, and throwing it up on the roof of the barn okay to catch because there was nobody else to play catch with.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_05: Um and uh so no siblings.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, but he he was he didn't really want to he didn't want to play catch with the sister?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, how about because I would nail him, so yeah, um he he learned pretty quick that to go the other way.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_05: Sister's got an arm.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: So I definit I like I said, rode horses, played sports.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: I part started playing sports probably in fifth grade, and then was active the rest of my life.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_05: What what were the key sports?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_05: Softball.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um softball, one of them.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, softball, and then uh um that basketball in middle school.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: I played basketball and softball all through high school, and then played softball in my 20s, like Premier League or whatever it's called.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: And then um about 25, I started running um and doing triathlons and triathlons.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_05: So you running and then you're doing triathlons?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_05: Like Iron Man triathlons?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, just like small triathlons.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_05: What would you consider a small triathlon?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like a three-mile run, 15-mile bike, and whatever, however many meters swim.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's swim, swim, bike, run.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: Swim bike run.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: What the heck?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_05: And then um those were just Oregon-based?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_05: Did you travel for any of those?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: No, uh uh no.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's just all Oregon based around central Oregon, yeah, and then um just kept running.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I still kind of run.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, I don't know if you want to call it running anymore.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's my pace is so slow that let's call it a jog.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_05: But um well, you're still getting out there and doing it, yeah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, yeah, no, I've always been apt to for sure.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: I um let's see, what's I was 39 when I ran my first marathon, and um, I think I've done four marathons.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um 43.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: I started venture racing with some girls, some gals, friends.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_05: How long so venture racing?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_05: I know I think most people know what a marathon is.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_05: Describe venture racing.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: Is that where you're climbing mountains at the same time, or is that yeah, you do like um they say, Oh, you're gonna be you're gonna be biking, you're gonna be running, you're gonna be rappelling, you're gonna be doing, you know, these five different activities, but you don't know in what order or where you're going.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: And so, uh, and then when you do it with a team, you have to stay together.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and it so you're only as fast as the slowest, you know, yeah person.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_05: Um how many on a team?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: There were three of us.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_05: Three of them.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_05: So you have to you have to know all the orientary and compassing and all that yeah, repelling.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 7:18
  unknown: Yeah.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_05: How do you probably how do you train for something like that?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, when you're you have raising a family working, it was not easy.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_05: You got a family and training for this adventure race.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_05: After doing marathons and triathlons and everything, yeah.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_05: Most people would look at that and ask, how neck does she find the time for that?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, we you know, mostly running and biking and you know, keeping your strength up.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: And then when we could when you go to the rock climbing gym and do some repelling, um, we just had to pick and choose, you know.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like obviously we weren't, you know, that repelling wasn't our strong, strong suit, you know, because um, but it was it was a hoot.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: It was a hoot.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: We did um like a nighttime uh adventure race, um headlamps on and riding our bikes, and um yeah, this it was good.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: It was good.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_05: We did that how how long were these races?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_05: Like 50 miles, uh 30 miles.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_05: If you're talking about you doing it at night, I'm assuming you're starting the day and everything.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like 20, 25 miles, you know, some of it was um oh, there was a one race that we did during the daytime where you had to swim out.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: They had the little ducky kayaks, you know, and you'd have to we had to swim out to them, climb in it, and then kay around the lake.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then um once we got to shore, there was like a big mud pit, and um, you had to have your kayaks above you.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um, they couldn't touch the mud or be disqualified, and you had to crawl through the mud.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_03: So we did like we tied our kayaks together and then held them up above, and then like inchworm our way through the mud, and then we had to go through an obstacle course, and then we had to get on our bikes and ride, I think, 15 miles.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that had to be uncomfortable as hell.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_05: It is there like some under summer shower getting on the bike.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: You rent you know clean off cleaned off and yeah.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_05: Who who dreams of things like this?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_05: Somebody that's just and you didn't you did this for fun.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: We did, yeah.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_05: What do you what do you think that says about you that you're crawling through mud trying to keep your kayak from getting it for fun?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: In your 40s, I now I know where it came from.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_05: Now you know where it came from.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_05: Well, that good point.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, point taken.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_03: And that was probably that was short-lived.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: I think maybe three, three years.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_05: That was in your 40s when you're doing that, yeah, yeah.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then just continue to to you know exercise.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: And then um on my 50th, I did uh full pedal paddle race by myself, which was like a kind of a bucket list thing.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_03: So pull puddle paddle.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so you downhill ski and then cross country, Nordic ski for five miles or whatever it was, and then bike down the mountain 25 miles, and then run five, and then kay, maybe I don't know, by half a mile, and then sprint.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_05: Where's that at?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_05: Is that in?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and we I I would think that you would have a ton of people signing up for that.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_05: There is a ton of people that that sounds a lot more fun than crawling through the mud with a kayak.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: And you get the whole gauntlet of you know, you get the real series of the athletes, and then you get the people like me that are just like, oh, I'm gonna go.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_05: So is that like a springtime right at the end of the ski season where that happens?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_05: Middle of May.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_05: Still doing, are they still doing that?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_05: That's still a big thing.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so that was sort of my athletic life, I guess.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_05: So going back going back to high school, what how old were you when you met your husband?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_05: Was that a high school dance?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_05: Was that college?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, I met him at the sisters at the rodeo dance.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: So uh I was 19.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: He was 23.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_05: So right out of right out of high school.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_05: And were you going were you in college at that time?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, community college, yeah.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_05: And you were studying to be what?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't really know.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: Business.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: I I was sort of a lost soul when it came to that.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: I just finished it two years and called it good.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: And then what do you I got married at one twenty?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: And um growing up, don't you know?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: And um got married at 20.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: And then um moved to Ben.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: And um during the recession of the 80s, early 80s.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: So that was kind of tough.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: And we've been working ever since.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_05: What when did you start off doing when you got married, you and your husband moved to Ben?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_05: What's his name, by the way?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_05: Tim.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_05: Tim.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_05: So you and Tim moved to Ben.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_05: What what's Tim doing for work and what are you doing for work at that point?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Ben is not Ben was not the town it is now.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um, there was there was not a lot of opportunity.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I did a few uh odd jobs, ever for Mount Bachelor in the accounting department, ever for bank, and um then I went to work for uh at the the mill.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and then I made my way, I was in like production, and I was like, no, this is not for me.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I made my way into the office and worked there for 10 years, and my husband worked at the mill.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then you know, pretty soon we after 10 years, we nine years we'd had enough uh like was too ebb and flow.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_05: And uh especially because then you're kind of getting into the early 90s, and that was a lot of spotted owl stuff too.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_05: And so the timber industry in Oregon was there's a lot of issues with that at that point in time.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, like we were both getting laid off, and uh it just wasn't we wanted more stability than that.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_05: And you have kids by this time?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh no, not yet.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_05: Not yet.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, just just check and see the family situation.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: Nope, we waited 10 years uh on purpose.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yep, and then uh let's see, how'd that go down?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: I had a job offer and left the left the mill right after our son was born.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think he was eight months old.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: Little baby in a new job.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: Uh what was I thinking?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_05: You're thinking you want to take care of your new baby.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's what it was, yeah.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: I took a$2 an hour wage cut, but I knew it was gonna have more stability.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_05: So you were you were looking long term on this.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_05: You you were willing to take that short-term hit, yeah, knowing that long term this was going to be the better option.
• 14:14
  unknown: Right.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_05: Was your your husband was still working at the mill at that time?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: He was, yeah.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: And then he he got an offer to work at the garbage company shortly after I got mine, started my new job.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: But we both felt, you know, like uh, it's a lot of change in a short amount of time with a eight-month old, yeah.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: So um he waited on that and was able to actually get hired.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_03: He worked for the garbage company for 30 years.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_05: Dang.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_05: That's a hell of a career there.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he has some stories.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I can only imagine.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, stories, yeah.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_05: So what what were you doing this time?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_05: It might what was your new job?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_05: Is that in the office too?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, in um wealth management.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_05: Wealth management, yeah.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: I worked for was Dean Witter at the time.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I remember that.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_05: Do you?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_05: I remember those advertisements.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then um Morgan Stanley bought out Dean Whitter and I were fair, and that's a whole other story, and then went to uh RBC Royal Bank of Canada.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and uh then to I mean Dia Davidson or I retired.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so 33 years in the wealth management arena.
• 15:27
  unknown: Yeah.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_05: Impressive.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_05: Started off a sawmill, working at a sawmill, and up in wealth management.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_05: Did you ever imagine that when you were sitting at in the office at the sawmill or when you were in the production, that at one point you were gonna be working for a wealth management company?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: No, I just knew that I want didn't want to be in production.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_03: You know, in the I think it was like the you were cut cutting cutting wood, you know, like the uh molding and stuff, you know, and okay.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean things happen for a reason, so it you know propels you to go on to the next thing.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but so you took a so the the thing I like about that is you took a$2 an hour wage cut, knowing in your mind that whatever you were doing next was going to be more stable, when you were doing there.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_05: And then by taking that leap, by taking that gamble, taking that pay cut, it led you to a 33-year career at wealth management.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_05: Like, but you didn't know that at the time.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, and that's and that's I think that's really cool when people just take that leap of faith that I I have faith in my abilities, I have faith in my myself and my family.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna take this step and we're gonna see where it goes.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_05: And then what it turns out like that, I think that's awesome.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then I um let's see, I was doing in the I was like at the entry-level position at in wealth management, and then um the operations manager was getting ready to retire, and uh they asked me if I wanted the job, and I just like like yeah, yeah, I can make more money.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like that was my motivator.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_05: I can make more money, make more money, take care of my family.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like that was uh I didn't have the experience, but I guess they may had faith in me, you know.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_05: How long had you been working there by that?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh maybe maybe a year.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_05: Wow, that was so you impressed them in a very short period of time.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_05: I something, I don't know, and maybe they couldn't find anybody, I'm not sure, but I'm um sometimes it's they can't find anybody, but usually when you're getting a promotion like that, it's they they see something in somebody and they want to invest in that person, and it looks like you're paid off for it.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, I I was yeah, it was it was good.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: It was a lot of work, you know, being operations manager, not knowing anything.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_05: We talked about your one son being born.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_05: How many, how many kids do you have to just one?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_05: Just the one.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, he was born in January of '93.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so he's 33 now.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_05: 33 years old.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_05: And what's he do?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: He's a paramedic um fireman in Eugene.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Eugene Springfield.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: If in fact he worked the duck game today.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_05: That was a close one.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_05: I did not think the duck, I did not think that game would be uh one touchdown.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: That was we had a couple moments.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_05: As a husky fan, I was rooting for the ducks to lose.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_05: I don't sorry.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry to break that to you, but yeah, yeah.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_05: Don't I don't like the ducks.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I would have I would have been much happier if they would have lost.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_03: But they're number two.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: Should I remind you of that?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_05: No, I'm well aware of where they're at.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they're and I know they've been kicking my husky's ass the last few years too.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_05: That's why it would have been pleasurable for me if they would have they would have lost.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_05: Because I think they're gonna I think they're gonna beat us again this fall.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're going through that pain.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_05: Are you the inju in Eugene?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's like the right after Thanksgiving, I think.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_05: I've had I've had friends invited me down from that game.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_05: But yeah, if it if it ends up happening, I'll look you up.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_05: We'll we'll hang out in that game with me and my purple and gold.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_05: All your friends will be clean, what the hell?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_05: Come on, Sandy.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_05: Why why are you hanging out with his knucklehead?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_05: Look at what he's wearing.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_05: You didn't know any better.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_05: I'm I'm hoping that you have a bad day right after Thanksgiving when the Huskies are playing the ducks.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_05: We'll see.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think it's gonna happen, but yeah, we can always wish, right?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: Duck likes to bet, you could probably bet him on the game.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: That was the duck about the ducks, uh huh.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_05: So that that gets us to what we're talking about.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_05: So when what age were you when you realized that you were adopted?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I was um eight.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: Eight grade third grade, third, third grade, yeah.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_05: What did what did that mean to you at that point in time when you and and did you did your adoptive parents tell you that?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_05: Or how did that how did that come about?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: No, I was watching uh a a TV show, and the little boy in the show thought he was adopted.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I I remember looking over at my um adoptive mom and I said, was I was I adopted?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like any kid would do.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: And she said, Yes.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I jumped up and went to the bedroom and I was crying.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't I didn't really know what it meant.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: The only thing I mean, I was watching the show and the little boy was upset, so I think that's why I was upset.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_05: You thought you'd be upset about it.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: And um I'm I'm eight years old.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: And life just be boped the lawn.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: I never gave it another thought.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I would I would say like probably every decade every decade I had more questions, you know, as I matured.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like, oh, you know, I wonder who the who were my you know, birth parents, and you know, and then you you know, boys, horses, and all that come along, you know, you know, forget about that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: You're a kid, like yeah, it's not a high priority.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but yeah, each decade it sounds like probably the reason it wasn't is that your adoptive parents took really good care of you.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_05: You had a great upbringing with them.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I I did, yeah.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_05: And so is it as you started trying to figure out, like you said, every 10 years, was there ever a concern on your part that by looking into this that it might cause pain to your birth parents?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's a big fact.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_05: Did did you have a did you have that conversation with them?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um no.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_05: That was just something you kind of kept hidden and yeah.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: I well, I would I would ask a question, but it wasn't really received that well, you know, I think that generation.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it was them.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I just kind of learned to, you know, do it my do it do it myself in the background, you know.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_05: Like um, what kind of things were you doing in the background?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_05: Try and figure that out.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there wasn't actually a lot, you know, because there we didn't have the internet.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you didn't have 23 and meat and all these other you didn't have the DNA.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's probably 18, 19 years ago.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: I went to apply for my passport.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: I had to have my birth certificate.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't have a copy of it.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_03: So I called the state.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I was, of course, at work and I do three things at once.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_03: And he's and I remember he said, you know, you have a a live birth certificate too.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_03: Would you would you like both of them?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, Yeah, yeah, sure.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: Send it.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, send it my way.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_05: True.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_05: What we talked about this before we got on here recording this, but Fairwell, what's the difference between a birth certificate and a live birth certificate?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: Your live birth certificate is your actual birth.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the the date, the time, the weight, the hospital, your your your birth parents, you know, on the on the, you know, both both um the all their information.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then you have a I guess they just call it a birth certificate.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: And it's just a condensed version, and it has your adoptive parents' names and I think the place of birth and just the the minimum.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: It's like half the half the half the half the information.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_05: And so but so at three months, that birth certificate, they they put your adoptive parents on that.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: And um, yeah, so I uh yeah, yeah, I'm just like it worked, like, yeah, send it my way, you know, paid for it.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I didn't forget, but I kind of lost track.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: And it came in the mail, and my um husband and stud were skiing that day, and I was home.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: And um I opened it up and I was like, Oh, oh, I'm gonna open up my birth certificate.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm all by myself.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I, you know, you're opening like so there's some anxiety for you.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_05: Do you think that's because you you still had those thoughts that you were adopted?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you knew you were adopted, your birth mother.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so you're but oh now I was gonna like open up chapter one, you know, by filling out the birth certificate.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I didn't know.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you know, I would no idea what what I was gonna find.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I was home by myself.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_05: Did you did you think about waiting until somebody else was home?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: No, I I couldn't wait.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I couldn't wait.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: And uh that's crazy.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: I can't imagine that yeah, it was it was wild.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I opened it up and um it had my uh birth mother's information, and then it had no information on the father's side.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: And she was born in Texas, and I was like, Texas, like there was a lot of places that I because you think about all these scenarios in your head when you don't know, you make up your own story.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, Texas, hmm, that wasn't that wasn't on my list of things that I thought.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_05: That wasn't in the mental scenario, yeah, yeah.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: So then I immediately um sat down at the computer and started looking her up.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: And like it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, because I knew you know she'd probably been married.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: So whoever I was looking for would have a different last name.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how do you where do you even start?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like where, like, and I I like I could feel myself going way down that rabbit hole.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_05: So you had her name that she put on the birth certificate, probably her date of birth and where she was born.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_05: And that's those those three things is what you had to search for at the time.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: And that I was born in Portland.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_03: Born in Portland, but it threw me because um I was born in Portland, but she was from Texas.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_05: And I couldn't figure out like, you know, like what happened between born in Texas and giving birth and forth, like yeah.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_03: Literally, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack, and I was like, I don't, I just don't have time and the energy for this, you know, because working and raising kids and doing all the things, adventure racing or whatever.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I just didn't, you know, and it wasn't like it wasn't the highest priority, yeah, you know.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_03: But I always thought about it, but at that time in my life, it wasn't the highest priority.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_05: So when your husband and son g came back from skiing, did you like, hey, look what we found out.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_05: Was there a family conversation about that, or did you just kind of put that in a session?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: I saw my husband, um, and our our son was too young, he wouldn't have cared.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_03: It was middle school, I think.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: So uh he was oblivious.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_03: But um, Tim and I just talked about it and it wasn't much to talk about at that point, you know.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_05: I like I said, I was searching on the internet for a couple of days, but is he encouraging you to giving you ideas on how to search for this, or was he just kind of leaving this to you?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: He was just leaving it up to me, yeah.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_05: Because he didn't really like he he I He had you, it didn't matter where you're probably his thought, I'm guessing, is like I got Sandy here.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: I mean he couldn't really relate.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: He he he had his he knew he knew his parents knew who his birth parents were, so I mean it's supportive, but he couldn't relate.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: So, um so yeah, then I just I just pretty much tabled it because I was like, I just don't have the energy, you know, like how far do I want to take this when I keep hitting a brick wall?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_05: So did you you wait another 10 years and then bring it back up, or how long was it before you took another stab at it?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it was in 2021.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so that was probably I don't know, 70, 18 years.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_03: It was a while.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_05: So it was a long time before you've had that live birth certificate and then you started looking again.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_05: And what what prompted that?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_03: So we were uh we were my husband and I were remodeling our house in 21, and um I was cleaning out the you know, the walk-in closet with all the paperwork and everything.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_03: I came across my birth certificate.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and I said, Hey, I'm gonna I'm gonna take a break.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna, I'm gonna run like totally spontaneous.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_03: I go, I'm gonna take a break.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna run downstairs and um look up, look up Janie's name.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_03: And I went downstairs and I put in her name and her obituary popped up.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_06: What?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh, this is her.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_03: This is her, because it had her date of birth and it had the town that she was born in in Texas on her obituary.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_05: And that matched.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_05: Totally.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_05: Totally matched.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_03: I do 100% know that was her.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_05: How how much earlier was the obituary?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, I think it was maybe oh, 10 years before she had passed before.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_05: And like oh my gosh.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_05: How did that hit you that you found your birth mother, but you'll never get the chance to meet your birth mother?
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I was just um at that moment I didn't think about it.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was just happy to kind of have piece of the puzzles.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_03: A piece of the puzzle.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it hit me later, but um, at that moment it it didn't.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_03: It was just like, oh my gosh, look what I love.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_03: Tim's upstairs.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Tim!
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then um she had both of her boys were listed in the obituary.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_03: And then I was like, okay, now you got a clue with social media.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_03: I think I can, I think maybe I might be able to figure this out.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, and thank heavens for social media.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's the positive.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_03: And um I found both of their profiles, and then I saw that they were communicating with each other.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_03: So then I was like, okay, there's a connection between these two.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I looked at their profiles, and they were both um had listed um, they were the same town from the same town.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_03: So then I I knew.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_03: Then I did some hardcore stocking, you know, on hardcore stocking.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_05: You could you could have said research, could have no or stock of these suckers.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: And um, and then I I found um one of the brothers on my birth mother site on LinkedIn.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: And this went on like two months went by before I had the courage to do anything.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like my girlfriend and I were walking, and I was like, I think this is I think this is my brother.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: She's like, oh my gosh, yeah, I can see the similarities.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I um I reached out to him and I just said, you know, I I think we have a similar, I think we have a relative.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_03: Can't remember exactly how I phrased it, but I was I treaded lightly.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_05: You just sent a message to social media too.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_05: On LinkedIn, yeah.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_05: On LinkedIn.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_03: And then says said, you know, um I was born in Portland, Oregon on May 19th, 1962.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: And on my birth certificate says Janie Warwick.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and and you know, I said if I've gone down this path, I I apologize, you know, because I didn't want to come off as a creeper.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_05: And um says the woman who was stalking him for two hours before she reached out.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_03: So he he messaged me back pretty quickly.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, within maybe uh I want to say maybe it was an hour.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it was on a Saturday, thank heavens, because I wasn't at work.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: And he said, You're my sister, I've been looking for you for 10 years.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh, my gosh.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_05: Oh wow.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_05: So he knew.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because so your mom had told him right before she passed, like three days, I think, three or four days, as the story goes, before she passed.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh wow.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_05: So he was expecting a call.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_05: He was hoping for a call, probably not expecting a call.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Well, he was looking for me through um uh ancestry and 23andMe.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I had never I hadn't done that.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_03: I hadn't done 23andMe or Ancestry.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_03: I just didn't have I didn't had didn't have the desire at that time, you know.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_05: Um when when that was his reaction, how did that make you feel?
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_03: Oh overwhelmed?
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was I can't even imagine.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, it was it was um yeah, it was overwhelming.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_03: And um, and he was great.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_03: I uh we uh then we emailed back and forth that evening, and then he said, Can I can I call you tomorrow?
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Yeah.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_03: And uh so we'll call you like at one o'clock.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_03: And this was thank heavens on the week, all on the weekend.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, we have I was like cleaning the house like a crazy lady, like trying to keep myself busy and looking at the one o'clock before.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I can't imagine the anxiety before that call.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and he he called at one o'clock, uh-huh.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_03: And he was he was just as nervous.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but we started chatting and um we chatted for two hours, chatted, and then um I said, Oh, I don't I don't have any information on my birth father, and he said, Um, well, um, mom, my Janie, mom, um she uh her best friend, you have to remember this name.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, her best friend, um uh Auntie Trish, we call her, said I call her Auntie Trish.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: She she she has a lot of information.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_03: They grew up together.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_03: I think Auntie Trish could help you with that.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_05: Auntie Trish is the secret weapon is yes, yes, but just wait.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and um, so he he got her number and he got a hold of her.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_03: He hadn't talked to her in a while, but he got a hold of her, and um, you know, were you are you willing to talk to Janie's daughter?
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_03: And she was great, she's just like, yes.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: So the I learned real quick to not do these calls during the week.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I can imagine.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's a lot to process.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that'd really throw you for a loop during the work week.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_05: How'd you how'd you sleep at night after after having that with my with my mental process?
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_05: I know something like that, it'd probably be three or four days at least before I got a decent night's sleep.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_05: Just oh yeah, all the different permutations that are in your mind on meeting him, talking to him, just all the different family.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, it's just uh it's overwhelming.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: Just overwhelming, and um, but in a good way, but it's still overwhelming.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_03: So then um the following week, and I called um Auntie Trish, and I had my tablet out because it says you take notes like that.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_05: Take a notes on this, yeah.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_03: And and and she was great.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_03: She told me about Janie and um um she'd you know how she when she came to powers and and whatnot, and uh answered all my questions and just chatted about it.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_03: And then um I said, Well, um who I said, I don't have any information on my birth father.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_03: She goes, Oh, I know who your birth father is.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I've got pen ready, right?
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: And um, she said, Oh, it's Joe Anderson.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_05: Joe Anderson.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, okay, and I was like, Oh, okay, you know, and she told me about him and whatnot, and we finished up our conversation.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um, of course, I looked him up as soon as I got off the phone.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and um, he had passed, and there was a like a four-paragraph obituary with a photograph, and he was he was um native, and I was like, Oh, wow.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_03: I I you know there's a lot a lot of scenarios I thought about, but I you know, I I tan pretty well, but yeah, I don't know, didn't think that was part of the equation, yeah.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I kind of had to sit on that one for a while, and then I think I had texted um Rich, my half-brother on my mom's side, um, kind of some of this, and um so then I decided to do ancestry.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah, so um I didn't do 23andme, but I I I'm kind of a researcher and like which one's better, and it everything led me to ancestry, and so um I did that, and it it, you know, you you spit, I don't know if you've done it, but you sit in a vial and then you send it off, and um it it took about six weeks, I think, to get the you know, get the um results back.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_05: Oh what was that weight like?
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_05: Uh you know, I I So was that another one where you just kind of nailed it in and kind of forgot about it?
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't forget, but I was just you know, like, oh it'll cut it'll show up.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like I just yeah.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_05: And um so uh So dur did before you go down that run, before during the sign, did you meet did you have a conversation with your other brother too?
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_05: Because you said there was the two brothers that were talking back and forth.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_05: Had you had a conversation with him too, or I I can't I think so.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_03: I can't remember.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_03: And did you it was a brief conversation, I think.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_05: Did you end up meeting with both of them while this was going on, or was that a later?
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_03: It came later, but I have met them in person, yeah.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this the last five years have been a lot.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_05: Can't even imagine.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I can't even imagine trying to process it.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_03: All good, but it's been a lot, yeah, yeah.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_05: Um gained like a couple new families, yeah.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_05: Just like boom, yeah, I got siblings, yeah.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like parents everywhere, parents everywhere, nieces and nephews, and just oh my gosh.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_03: Then I got my results back from Ancestry, and you know, you I had downloaded the app, so you know, you get the ding every time you get a new family member, you know, hits you get a ding in your phone, you know.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_05: And um, I've since fixed that, but yeah, you is that just a setting, or you just said I don't want to know about any more family.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, give me a couple of weeks to process that.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I got enough.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so uh but I'm at work when my results come in and I looked at them and it came back and it um, you know, it has it has like a chart, so it shows you your highest DNA down to your lowest.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_03: And um my results came back, and I looked at work, I was at work, and it showed um the a 50 50% DNA match with a person whose initials were DH.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_03: And the person, and then that person's profile was managed by Karen May Clark.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, okay, Joe Anderson is not DH.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_03: No, that would be J A.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh boy.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_03: I called my husband, I'm like, I think we might need a couple bottles of wine.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_05: There's a lot to process right here.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I went home that evening and he was on his pad and I was on my computer.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um, because I'm of like, I want to know for sure.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's if it's 50%, it can only be um a parent or child.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_05: Those are the only yeah, that's the only ones.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I knew it wasn't Janie.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_05: And you did you knew you, I I'm pretty certain you'd remember if you had another kid.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_03: D H.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: That's my birth father.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_03: And then below that, below, below um his initials, there was uh um two more Hesses.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_03: Gary Hess and Don Hess.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_05: So they had so we're we've got to let the cat out of the bag.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_05: It's Doug Hess is your dad.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_05: Because everybody anybody watches this knows Gary and Don.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_05: So but but his is his just showed us DH, but the others had their full name on there.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: How's that?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's a question you have to ask someone else.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_05: Well, well, we'll ask him.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_05: But so now you know that you've got Hess's in your bloodstream here.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_05: Where'd you go?
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_05: Did you go talk to Gary or Dawn first?
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_03: I found um Dawn on social media.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_03: And she was very active at the time.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_03: And um I found her on social media and I messaged her on Instagram.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_05: And what was that message like?
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, I think I'm your big sister.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_03: I was I kind of the same.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_03: It was the same thing.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_05: Same thing, Viral.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, with ri with with Rich.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_03: I just said, hey, you know, I um I did did um Ancestry and a few um Hess folks came up with uh with matches.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_03: And um I was born, you know, in Portland, but May 19, 1962.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_03: And she said, Oh, tell me more about yourself.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: And and she's like, Oh, my, my, my dad, and and she said, He has got three other brothers, and uh we kind of went back and forth, you know.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, she was kind of testing the testing the waters and yeah, and um who is this crazy lady D have and we say and I didn't realize that Alaska's on a different time zone, so I think I was messaging her like 6 30 in the morning or something.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like, get your ass out of bed and uh we we messaged back and forth, and then um I sent her a screenshot of the DNA, yeah, and she said, That says that my dad is your dad.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's a look alike.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_03: And uh so then she she said, Do you mind if I call dad?
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_03: I was like secretly going, like, yeah, that's what I was hoping for.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_03: And um yeah, she called them, and you'll have to hear that side of the story, but um yeah, we're gonna hear that side of the story.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_05: So the so the way I heard about this is I interviewed your dad in August of 25.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_05: He was my first official interview for the podcast.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_05: And as often does, life happened, and we didn't get it, was Thanksgiving at 25.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_05: Thanksgiving Day is when the first episode aired.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, right.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_05: Like I think it was a week or so later.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_05: I'm coming back from visiting friends in Seattle area at CTAC.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_05: Doc and Karen are on the same flight as I am.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_05: The flight ended up being a total train wreck, but we won't go into that.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_05: And he starts talking.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_05: Oh and I'm like, who's this Sandy lady?
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_05: She seemed really excited about hearing this story, but who in the heck is this?
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_05: It's like I'm up.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_05: We're sitting in the in the in the lounge at or at the gate at CTAC.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh huh.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_05: And Duck starts telling me, he goes, You got you won't believe this, my daughter.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, Don or Tammy.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_05: He goes, No, Sandy.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like, who the hell's Sandy?
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't I had no idea about you.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_05: And he was just like, he was just, and I was like, Duck, next time Sandy comes to town, we need to have her on to tell a story.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_05: To tell your story.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_03: And now we're gonna take a break and but I'm gonna tell you about Auntie Trish first.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_03: Can I tell you that?
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, tell Sandy Trish.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so who led you to Joe Anderson, who wasn't your actual dad.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have started down that road.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_05: You wouldn't have started going that road, yeah.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_03: Auntie Trish is Karen's stepsister.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_05: Wait, what?
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_05: Get up.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my gosh.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_03: I know it's a lie.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_05: There's a lot of connections here, isn't there?
• 45:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm trying to process all this.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_03: You need a we need a flow chart.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we need a flow chart on how everybody's connected.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think I pretty well have it straight in my head after five years.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_05: I don't I don't know if I'm ever going to get straight in my head.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_03: Get a whiteboard.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_05: Get a whiteboard we can.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_05: Your your family tree's got branches going everywhere.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I I've I I found out through all this that I'm fifth generation Oregonian.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_05: Instead of being Texan.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_05: Five generation for a while you thought you were Texan.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_03: I suppose there's part of me that part of you is still Texan.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_05: How did you did you ever find out from your brothers how your mom's story on getting to Oregon and what age she was?
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_05: What what was that aspect of it?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_03: So you I think I think she was nine or ten.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um and her mother had passed, and her father couldn't handle being a father.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_03: And she had older siblings in Oregon in Powers.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_03: And her older siblings brought her to Oregon.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_05: Brought her to Oregon.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_05: And they raised raised her there.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, which is wild in itself.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_03: But I think heavens for Auntie Trish.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_05: Auntie Trish?
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_05: Aunties are always awesome.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_05: I I've I've I've got a few that have been amazing over the years.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_05: Always gonna like your aunties.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_05: They are they usually lead you in the right direction.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, she was definitely a pivotal, pivotal person in the story for sure.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_05: It's wild.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_05: So are you are you ready to bring in your dad and continue the conversation with Duck?
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_05: Do it.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_05: We're gonna take a short break and we'll bring in Duck.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome back to Doug has Questions.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_05: We now have our our first guest from the podcast, Duck Hass, joining us and Sandy's dad.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_05: How you doing, Duck?
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_05: Good.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_05: So you get if I'm following this right from what Sammy's telling me, what you've told me before, she's found out through ancestry and talking to Don.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_05: You're her dad.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_05: Did Don did you call him or did Don call?
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_04: Who Don Don Ellen called Dane Ellen called you?
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we were down in Park Earth, Arizona.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_04: And Don calls and she said, Dad, are you sitting down?
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, Well, yeah, what?
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_04: She says, I found your other daughter.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_05: And she said what was your thought process when you still have what the heck?
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_04: And then uh she said, uh Janie Warwick?
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, Janie Warwick.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_04: And Karen says, Did you sleep with Janie Warwick?
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_04: I said, Well, yeah, just a couple of times.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_05: So going back to Janie Warwick, from what you told me, that was when you were in the Air Force.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_05: Because when we talked to you, you were going from Korea, right, to Florida.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_05: Florida.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_05: And you had a short pit stop in Oregon.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_04: I got home in uh September 1961.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_04: And Janie had broke up with her boyfriend, and I was very well known and talent from football and basketball and whatnot.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_04: She was a pretty old girl, and I was a dumbass young boy.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_04: But we hooked up for a couple of nights, and then I went over on the Rogue River to work the rest of my leave.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_04: I had like a 30-day leave.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I went over on the Rogue River at work, so I didn't really see her after that.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_04: And then my brother Gary, he uh wanted to go to Florida with me, so we drove to Florida, and I finished out my tour.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, so you you had no knowledge at all, no inclination that you had another child out there.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_05: No, no.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_05: So what what was like what were those feelings going through your head when Don Ellen calls you, he's like, hey dad, you've got another daughter.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, well, it was hard.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you I can imagine.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you've it's a responsibility to have a child that you never knew.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_04: And yep, yeah, it was tough, and it was tough on Ma.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_03: Because she it was tough on everybody, yeah, yeah.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_03: So it was such a huge adjustment for everybody, our spouses, yeah, you know, kids, grandkids, you know, like everybody.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_05: That's one of those as you go through life and you you know, you have your kids, your kids have kids.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_05: It's it's a little bit at a time that you're gaining family.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_05: You have a marriage, you you gain that little bit at a time.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_05: This is for for all of you, this is a a lot of people in the circle like that.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, it was huge.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_04: I and I do have to say, moment, I have a mixed family, Karen and I.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but they have all accepted Sandy.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's been fantastic, really.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_05: I can tell that just by the way everybody talks about each other, that it's going very smoothly.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but when when you got it when you're Don's telling you this, are you like, do you have a phone number?
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_05: Did you want to reach out right away?
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_05: Did you want to take some time?
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_04: Uh she said, Dad, do you want Sandy's phone number?
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_04: And I thought a little bit, I said, Yeah.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I did call her that day.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well uh she called Don called me back, and she and I were chatting.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_03: We talked Don and I talked for three hours that day.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_03: And as we were talking, I my phone like beefed a couple times, but I was so intent on my uh and then Don's like, oh, dad's trying to call.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_03: And and then I realized that he was trying to call me, dude, and Don and I just kept talking.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_03: They're still talking, they're still talking.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then I um hung up and I was still in my pajamas.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like it by this time it's noon.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_05: And um I'm hoping it's again it's on the weekend.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_03: So you know, yeah, not this is why they texted her earlier.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_03: And so the text and then phone calls and then duck calls.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_03: Well, he left a message.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_03: I I hadn't eaten, I still have my pajamas, and I I told my husband, I go, Oh my god, holy cow, I go, I gotta go, I gotta go take a shower, I gotta eat some breakfast or something.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, You can you can't wait because you gotta call in right now.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh okay, yeah, you're right, I do, and called Edmund.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_04: We talked for an hour, yeah, yeah, and and it uh transpired into she came to Parker.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_05: How how long after that first phone conversation before you were Parker?
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was um uh th about three weeks.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, wow, yeah, and were you guys did you guys have other phone conversations between that?
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_05: And you guys talked to him pretty regularly, catching up, yeah, yeah.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and and and texting and send each other pictures and I was texting with Dawn too a little bit, and um yeah, and she she ended up flying it down and Dawn now up yeah, okay.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_04: So they were both there and fired her and and uh it I got it right away.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_04: Uh what's you know yep, great, yeah, yeah.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_05: Well, just this is the first tonight's the first time I've met you, Sandy.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_05: And like we're talking during the break, you remind me a lot of Don Ellen and just your personal I can see where there would be they'd be peasing upon very quickly.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, there's no doubt about that.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, um, so my flight was delayed by a a a lot, and um I was getting, I mean, I mean I was stressed just going to meet my new my birth family, yeah, and then my flight was actually end up being like 24 hours, it got delayed.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_03: By this time, I just I was like spent.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_03: And Dawn texts me, she goes, What kind of wine do you like?
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, A lot.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_03: And then we, you know, we met that we met in the airport and everybody's hugging, and you know, it's this overwhelming fun thing.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then we get out the car and she hands me a Ren Solo cup at a site.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: These are my pizza.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_03: These are my people.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_01: These are my people.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm my people.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_05: Airline tra any kind of travel delay sucks, but I can't imagine you've already got all this anxiety of going to meet your whole other family, yeah.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_05: And then, oh we, yeah, let's just delay that a little bit longer.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_03: But I I I think it was kind of a blessing because I I I was so over all of it by the time I walked into the airport, I was just like, oh, I just want to see him.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, uh, so I it was like a blessing disguise that that that happened, even though it was pain.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_05: Have you met Tom and Tammy and everybody?
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_03: I've met Tammy Tammy and Angie.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, I have not met Tom.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then all of the grandkids I've met.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, because I went to Colorado Springs in um this summer, my husband and I, and um hung out with Tammy for a few days and met her kids and then her grandkids, so that was fun.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_05: And on the way to it to and from Haynes, you're probably stopping and seeing Don Ellen, you know.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, yeah.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_03: We celebrated Case and Spirit's birthday.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_04: She'd like to tell story.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_04: She and her husband flew up for our granddaughter Michaela's wedding.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah, and she brought it too.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so that was three years ago.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_03: I yeah, three years ago.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_03: And uh um, I think we came up here first, and then we all went down to Juno for Michaela and Cody's wedding, and Duff walked Michaela down the aisle, and then um, you know, they had those traditional father-daughter dances.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, okay.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_03: They were dancing, and then Michaela like stopped the music and grabbed the microphone, and she said, Sandy, I want you to come up here and and dance with grandpa.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_03: She said, and for those of you that know the story, you know the story, and if you don't know, that's for another time.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, she goes, I want you guys to have the father-daughter dance you never had.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh my god.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, a few tears.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh God, everyone drop.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_03: And it was great.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was, it was, it was amazing, really.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it was rank's arrived up there with the most amazing two minutes a person could have, really, you know.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and it was just so sweet of Michaela to do that.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, absolutely.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_05: That's what I was just thinking to that's her day, you know.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_05: This did but to share that both of you that way was huge.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, that's yeah, I know knowing her her whole life and everything, it doesn't surprise me that she would do that.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_05: Um, that's just the type of person she is and her mom is.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_05: But yeah, that's really cool.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_05: It was really evil.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_05: So now all the people that were there, if they watched us, they'll know what it meant.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_03: We're like, what the hell?
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, another example of Michaela's friends.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, a few people there kind of knew the story, but you know, most people are like, whatever.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that was special.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_03: And we make a point to see each other two or three times a year, I would say, at least twice.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm retired now, so I have more flexibility.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_05: More free time.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_05: So your adoptive parents, are they still around?
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um, my um adopted dad passed nine years ago.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_03: So long before this journey, my adoptive mom just passed in November.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry to hear that.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_03: But uh, I was um really uh yeah, there's so many layers of all of this, but I was really uncomfortable to tell her.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_03: I wasn't sure she was 90 at the time, and I was I just wasn't sure how she would react.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I just I didn't I was I was afraid for myself if she reacted negatively that I just it would just be too much for me.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I I waited and waited, you know, waited a year and a half.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_05: Oh wow, from when you found out, yeah.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_05: I just but I I think based on your reaction her reaction when you'd mentioned this before, I can understand why you'd be because she didn't she seemed to think, or correct me if I'm wrong, but when you had brought this out before, she kind of hurt her.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_05: You felt well, yeah.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she they like never talked about it.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_03: My whole, you know, never sat down and talked to me about it.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so it was always sort of this brush it under the rug kind of thing, you know, and so I think that's why I felt like uncomfortable to say something because I wasn't sure how we've been received.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_03: So, but I was like, I gotta do it.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_03: I can't, I can't.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm pretty open, but you know, I can't heat this, um, tiptoeing around this all the time because I was like, Oh, I'm going to Alaska.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, why are you going to Alaska?
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I've had a new man.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_03: And um, so I I my husband and I, we drove over to to Salem and I said, okay, here's a plan.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna do dinner, we're gonna have wine with dinner, and then we'll go sit down, just make sure those those wine glasses are full.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, and um, and I told her, and she was great.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_03: She was great.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, she was really happy for me, uh-huh.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_03: Which was like, oh, like that had to be a huge weight of you.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_03: Really put it all together, you know, like um, yeah, she she was she was she was great.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_03: She asked questions and I showed her pictures of them, and um, so it it was it was good.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_03: It was it was it was good.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_05: I'm happy for you that that wasn't a response that you got.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_05: And that you had the courage to tell her so you could get that response.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_03: And then like the next week or two after, she's like, Oh, have you heard from your family in Alaska?
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_03: And that was like, Oh, like, yeah, she's yeah.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that was a process, just having like two families, like two two dads.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_03: I told somebody, they're like, Oh, you know, what's that what's that like having, you know, your birth father and then your adoptive dad?
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I go, you know what?
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_03: I have enough love in my heart for two dads.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_05: And it never hurts to have more people loving us either.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it took a while to, you know, get that all through my head, you know, because there was a lot to a lot to process.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_05: What about you processing it, Doc?
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, you've got all this time and now you've got a daughter that yeah, though all those life experiences that you missed out on.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_04: And that is something that you think about.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you miss all the years like I got with the other girls.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_04: But we're making up for it.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_04: Good.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we see each other what a couple of times a year now.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I've sent in pictures like as I'm cleaning or moving, you know.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'll I'll snap pictures.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'll take a picture of a picture of whatever middle school or group, you know, whatever random pictures come about.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_04: So I Karen and I went over spent a couple of days with them in their house in Ben.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_04: And then uh they got their new house over in Mattress, and we were able to go there and spend uh couple of days with them and drive around and look at the area, which is beautiful, yes, yeah.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_04: Her son is quite a guy, yeah, and his little wife, Amelia, is a sweetheart.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_04: So it's all good.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, see you you didn't just pick up a daughter, you also picked up a grandson, too.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you gotta put it.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_05: Are there any plans to have everybody congregate at once in one place?
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_05: Well, we basically did.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_05: You already well at the wedding, yeah, that's right.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they and then they uh when I retired March 1st, my son and and husband did a surprise um party, you know, um um retirement party for me.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_03: And um I knew Duck and Karen were coming down, just they were coming through on their way down south, and so I think we said, Oh, let's go to dinner or whatever.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_03: Sneaky Pete over here, you know.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like I I text him, he goes, Oh, we're gonna go see, we're gonna go see friends.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, in bend, and we'll we'll connect with you the next day.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, whatever.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_03: And um, then I go to my party, surprise party, and I walk in, and uh my niece and her husband from from Denver and their two kids were there, which I walk in and I see them.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't seen them in years.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_05: So you didn't know this about the party?
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_05: No, so this is you and your husband are going out for dinner or something, and you walk in.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I walk in, and my my my niece and and her husband, and I was like, oh my god, and then I look over the table, and there's Duck and Karen and Don and Michaela and Cody and Kasen, and I I was like, not just Duck and Karen, but everybody.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody, yeah, and uh, and just all you know, all of my really good friends were there.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so that was cool.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then the next day everybody came to our house, our our new house.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_03: I think there were 16 of us.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and it was it was all family and then a couple good friends of mine.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and that was for me was really, really special.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_03: Having people, you know, in my house under my roof, you know.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_05: Then fun, it's gonna be a lot more fun.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_05: So I've known him all my life.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_05: I've known Karen since I was in high school when he he went down to Oregon and brought her back up here.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_05: And so having those as your as your parents now and having them in the fold, you're you're extremely lucky.
• 1:04:58
  SPEAKER_05: I am very yeah, because they're they're they're they're fun, they're caring, they're loyal.
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, they're just both of them amazing.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_03: And then giving me so many gifts and just from who they are, you know?
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just who they are.
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're you can be you can be in your 60s and learn from your parents still.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm not quite 60, but I'm still learning from my mom all the time.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yep, absolutely.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and there's so many things that I'll be like, oh, now I know where that comes.
• 1:05:30
  SPEAKER_03: Because my adoption parents were they were sweet people.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_05: Uh but a little little subdued and uh not really risk takers, you know, and you know, yeah, that's not necessarily the hus uh the hus motto there.
• 1:05:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I I've always had that in me, you know.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but and uh just I always was a little different, you know, as far as being active and just the way I viewed life and like to have a good time and and my adoptive parents w weren't that way as much, you know.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um so yeah when I met all all of the husses I was like okay now I understand yeah like truly it was like this puzzle went click puzzle piece went click do you look at this because I I I would think as somebody you you you find out you're adopted you're looking there's there's this anxiety or fear about what your parents might be like yep they could be a duckess they could be somebody that's in prison doing 30 years for drug trafficking you know you you you have no idea going into this no no that's why I mean that's why each step I had to take a pause you know because I had to be mentally prepared for the good the bad and the ugly yeah you don't know what what would your advice be to somebody else that knows that they were adopted on the best way it's not going to be the best way for everybody but from the lessons you've learned going through this from finding out you're adopted over the years and finally meeting the rest of your family um what are things that it should be prepared for I um to try to let it happen organically no and don't try to don't try to make the relationships happen.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_03: It was easy with these guys but um you know just be patient be patient with everybody you know that's that's involved because it's a it's a lot and um you know there's there's lots of great podcasts that are just specifically for adoptees like there's a a podcast that um that I found that was a a lifesaver for me because they interviewed just adoptees okay and I'd listen to it every single morning getting ready for work.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_03: Because they just bring on adoptees and they tell their stories and some were good some weren't so good some were more complicated all I mean every scenario you can think of.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_05: And so that would did that help give you the strength to continue on with the process then 100%.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_05: Good 100% and they had what what's the name of it so if people if they want to listen um adoption the making of me okay and um Marty and Sam will link that in the so if people can hear if they want to they can they can find it.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and I actually went to a live podcast that they did um I think they do them a couple times a year but they had one on the west coast that I was able to go to and meet a whole room full of adopters.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_03: That yeah and that was really that was really special and also helpful you know because there's a lot of commonalities and just hearing everybody's stories.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and hearing everybody's stories I'm incredibly grateful that I have a good one incredibly grateful.
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah it so it sounds to me like you had you had the best of both.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_05: Your adoptive parents were amazing for you.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah and then when you found your birth family on both sides that they were opening and welcoming and and just great people all the way around.
• 1:09:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah I mean each person was an integral part like my my my have the other rich on on mom's side you know like he was he's he's the first person that was willing you know he I talked to him and then he connected me with Auntie Trish which is Karen's subs but and then and then um the other gal that my birth mother lived with her Linda and um which Doc and Karen are still friends with her and she lives in Arizona.
• 1:10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and we're okay we took her down to Linda's yeah yeah and so I got to hear her version of of my birth mother and she she she um lived with her uh sophomore junior senior year of school they lived together and um you know so each person has something that they bring which is fun but yeah a person that's starting that you know the journey just take your time and give yourself grace for sure what what for you duck is after going through this and finding out that you had a daughter what what sticks with you the most on if if somebody else gets a phone call and says hey I might be your son your daughter what advice would you want one of the big things is your spouse be understanding and helpful and I was very fortunate yeah that I had Karen.
• 1:11:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah this isn't the first time you've been fortunate you've had Karen yeah that's a that uh has been that been for a lot of years now that there's just one more instance am I right Karen our spouses definitely I feel like our spouses were our anchors yeah yeah I mean we've talked about that our spouses were definitely our part of our support for the first couple years I introduced him as my son-in-law and he says that's the first time I've ever been called son in law really there you go yeah he he came up that last year and he has a motorcycle and he got the motorcycle to Bellingham on the trailer in his truck and left that came on the ferry at his motorcycle and come to town and spent a couple nights and headed out rode the Alaska highway turned back to Bellingham oh cool yeah was that when when was that last year?
• 1:12:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah last year at this time yeah it was September yeah I think it kind of cold on parts of that December too bad he had good weather all the way good yeah he went to the Canada customs up here and was just a couple of miles above the customs and big bound bear to kill the road he's on a motor side didn't know whether to turn around and go back or hit the gas he went off the road yeah yeah I'm incredibly grateful for our spouses because they I know my husband had to you know I start talking about it and then start crying and you know processing all the emotions and stuff and he was very patient.
• 1:13:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah good yeah good well what what are what are we missing in this story from either one of you what are what what should I be asking you that I haven't asked you I don't know I think you've done a good job uh I just appreciate you both sharing this first of all when you told me about it in the airport I kept waiting I was I was like oh we gotta get Sandy on here I need to hear her side of the story and so thank you for joining us for this and yeah did not call me last week out yeah I was in Reno for a trade show and Sandy's gonna be here till Sunday all right so I had to reach out to Marty and Sam's like all right can we do this Saturday night like yep all right we'll get her done so thanks for taking the time oh thanks for sharing less sharing everything sorry for the technical difficulties we got started that's okay yeah I appreciate both of you guys sharing you so slash you know yes we are we can we can be patient yeah so yeah great thank you great to meet you say nice meeting you look forward to seeing you oh wait that's another thing I did I I um added test to my middle name oh okay yeah yeah that three years ago I think I think it was three years ago um and I did it so I call it our Famibursary so uh October 23rd is when Don and I connected okay um so I went down to the courthouse on October 23rd three years ago and had uh Hesses added Hess as my middle name what day of the week is August October 23rd this year look that's about the time this is gonna come out where we're looking at that anniversary that's really that's really it's Friday so the day after yeah so probably the 26th the day before your fammiversary is when this is gonna come out perfect there you go so you guys you guys can share this on your anniversary on the 23rd.
• 1:15:31
  SPEAKER_05: So that'd be great.
• 1:15:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah thanks for watching this episode of Doug has questions I hope this episode has provided some better understanding some inspiration some connection for you if it has or if you have any comments reach out to us on YouTube Facebook or Instagram thanks again for watching