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Living Without Fear - When Life Feels Too Heavy - Start Here | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

• 0:12
  Hi, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to the 113th solo
• 0:18
  episode. I'm Esther Berkey, author of
• 0:21
  Living Without Fear and Co creator of the Amazon bestseller
• 0:25
  Inspired Journeys. You might be going through
• 0:29
  something, or simply needing a moment to pause, to breathe, to
• 0:35
  feel seen. Whatever brought you here, I'm
• 0:39
  honored to be with you. And if today's episode speaks to
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  you or brings someone to mind, please pass it on.
• 0:49
  Let's keep spreading hope. And if you want to stay close,
• 0:55
  subscribe to my newsletter or connect with me on YouTube.
• 1:00
  Your presence, your heart, your time, they mean the world to me.
• 1:06
  Thank you for being here. And today I'd like to talk about
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  how you can coach yourself if you're going through challenging
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  times. If nothing is working, you might
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  have a hard time at your work, with your colleagues, with your
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  boss. You might be in discussions with
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  your partner because your relationship doesn't satisfy you
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  or your partner. You might be in conflicts with
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  your family, with friends, whatever makes you sad,
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  depressed, angry, desperate. I know exactly how you feel.
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  I've been there. My whole life had been a huge
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  struggle before I learned to coach myself.
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  I felt exactly how one of my friends felt today when I called
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  her. She was so desperate she didn't
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  want to live anymore. Her life seemed like a long
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  battle to her, she said. I've been happy for only a small
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  percentage of my life. The rest has been a huge
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  struggle. Her family had always been
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  against her. Her children and her ex-husband
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  treated her as if she was mentally ill.
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  I could feel how everything seemed so dark in her life.
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  She didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, and she
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  believed that disappearing silently from this world will be
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  the only option. I've been there as well many
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  times. I would have put an end to my
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  life if I had had a safe and easy solution.
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  So I suggested to my friend that I could drive over to her or she
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  could come to my place and stay a couple of days at my house.
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  And I also told her that I didn't want to lose her.
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  Saying goodbye to my mom 3 months ago had been already
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  enough for me. The longer we talked, the more
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  cheerful my friend became. She started talking about the
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  funny pictures she took this morning at the station and at
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  the end she agreed that we would stick to our plan to go for a
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  hike together the next week, because at the beginning of our
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  call she wanted to cancel our plan.
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  And then she also told me that she was so grateful that I had
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  felt she needed this call. Her situation and her state
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  reminded me so much of my own in the past.
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  How many times had I felt so desperate because I thought
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  exactly the same way as my friend did today?
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  And you might feel the same way some days as well.
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  I remembered how I did it back then, how I went down the rabbit
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  hole, how I ended up in this negative spiral, how I felt
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  deeper and deeper. At the end I felt so down I
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  could only cry and most of the time I felt so much self pity
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  that I cried even more. This has been soothing as well,
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  but I would not like to go back to those dark places anymore.
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  So how can you coach yourself in those moments?
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  And what do I do today in order not to fall in this rabbit hole
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  anymore? One important thing is not to
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  allow myself to go back to my past and remember all the
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  similar situations that had me make feel miserable and stack
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  them one after the other and prove myself that my whole life
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  had been miserable until now. This is such a dangerous game.
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  It doesn't help, but it makes everything worse.
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  What I do instead Today I ask myself, what makes me so angry,
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  so sad, so desperate at the moment?
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  What is it that this little girl in me needs right now?
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  Does it need to be seen? Does it need to be understood?
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  Does it need to be hugged? Does it need to hear that she's
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  good enough, she's lovable, and that the things she does are
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  totally right, although other people around her say the
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  opposite? And then a third thing.
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  Stay in the present and ask myself what can I do right now
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  to change the situation? What can my contribution be that
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  something changes to the better? Do I need to speak the truth?
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  I'm probably afraid of the way. Or do I need to step up and do
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  something I've never done? Or do I need to tell myself,
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  let's wait, let's be patient, let's see what happens?
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  What is crucial is that you have already the answer inside you.
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  The only thing is that you don't trust yourself.
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  You don't dare to trust yourself because you haven't had trust in
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  yourself for your whole life. But believe me, deep inside you
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  have to knowing what is right and what is wrong and you know
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  exactly what you need to do. And sometimes it also helps me
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  when I tell myself this situation won't last forever.
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  One day it will be over. I don't know yet when, and it is
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  challenging to be in this situation, to stand it with all
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  the emotions it brings with it. But I need to go through it.
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  There's no other way. I need to accept it as it is.
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  This was, for example, the situation when my mom had broken
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  her other leg and she didn't recover from it but just wanted
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  to die, and it went on for nearly four months until she
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  could peacefully leave this world.
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  I could not change anything. I needed to fully accept the
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  situation as it was. Another thing that also always
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  helps me is to start writing down all the things I'm grateful
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  for in my life. I forced myself to go on a
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  search for the beautiful things in my life.
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  At the beginning, it is probably challenging because I need to
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  shift my focus from the negative to the positive.
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  And I tell you, you don't have to find big things that you can
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  be grateful for. Just take the tiny little things
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  you see around you, see around you in the room you're in, or
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  from nature if you're outside, or just a nice cloud or a ray of
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  sunshine. You can always find something
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  tiny. Tiny but beautiful.
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  And now you stack those beautiful things one after the
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  other. And as I said earlier, I used to
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  stack all the negative things from my past life and I felt
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  more miserable from minute to minute.
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  Have you done that as well? But now or the next time you
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  feel desperate, you will stack. You will start stacking all the
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  beautiful moments in your life and you will feel totally
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  different. And this is what I mean by
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  coaching yourself. You don't run the old usual
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  program and you end in a rabbit hole, but you take yourself by
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  the hand and you consciously start a different program, a new
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  program, and it will bring you a totally different result.
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  Are you with me? Will you remember those steps
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  when you will feel miserable next time?
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  I do hope so. And if you need help with
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  changing your state and getting a different result, let me know.
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  I'm very grateful to guide you because I know myself.
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  It is important to have a coach who gives you the tools to take
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  yourself by the hands and bring yourself to a better place.
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  Thank you, dear listener, for spending your precious time with
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  me. You're amazing and you're a gift
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  to everyone who crosses your path.
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  If no one has told you this today, let me say it.
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  You're worthy, you deserve to be loved, and you matter.
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  Have an amazing day and I'll talk to you next week.