Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Do Narcissists Always Try To Make You Feel Small?

Transcript

Why Do Narcissists Always Try To Make You Feel Small? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Why are narcissistic people so intent on trying to put you
• 0:04
  down, so intent on trying to make you feel bad, so intent on
• 0:10
  trying to make you feel this small or this big?
• 0:15
  Really perspective, right? Why are why are they so intent?
• 0:19
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:20
  Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
• 0:22
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself, and we're going to hop
• 0:24
  right into another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:28
  Yes, y'all seriously? I, I, I heard a phrase the other
• 0:32
  day that said a, a, a rising tide lifts all boats.
• 0:37
  That's how narcissistic people do.
• 0:39
  Instead of a rising tide, they sink.
• 0:42
  They, they, they pull the plug on a bathtub.
• 0:45
  They, you know, if you pull the plug on a bathtub, everything
• 0:48
  else sinks to the bottom except for me, 'cause I'm holding on to
• 0:51
  the edge over there, right? Just imagine a narcissist
• 0:54
  holding on to the edge and sitting over there while
• 0:57
  everything else sinks. That's what is that's what
• 1:00
  that's what they do. This is exactly what
• 1:01
  narcissistic people do. They want to put you down in
• 1:05
  order to make themselves feel bigger, right?
• 1:11
  They want to put you down in order to make themselves feel
• 1:14
  better. That's I mean, that's the Simply
• 1:16
  put, that's the way it goes right there.
• 1:17
  Y'all Simply put, that's literally how it goes.
• 1:20
  Like as a narcissist, I have a big ego, right?
• 1:22
  You know, and most narcissists, I would say have huge egos, not
• 1:26
  just me, not just Lee Hammock, y'all.
• 1:28
  Most narcissists have these huge inflated egos, so to speak.
• 1:32
  So if my ego is this big, I need to keep it there.
• 1:37
  It's a huge, it's a huge ego, but it's also fragile at the
• 1:41
  same time. So imagine having a fragile ego,
• 1:44
  a huge ego, but it's being fragile at the same time.
• 1:47
  So if you come into my life and you are doing good and I'm
• 1:51
  feeling bad, the easiest way for me to feel good is to push you
• 1:57
  down, is to put you down, is to pull the plug on the full
• 2:01
  bathtub and all the toys go down.
• 2:05
  I'm hanging on the edge, remember?
• 2:06
  So I'm still up here even though I haven't done anything
• 2:11
  differently, even though I'm at the same level that I originally
• 2:15
  was. You have sunk lower because I
• 2:18
  pulled the plug on the bathtub and you were in the water.
• 2:21
  You see what I'm saying? That's what happens.
• 2:23
  That's the easiest way to put it right there, y'all.
• 2:26
  And This is why you get a lot of narcissistic people who do it
• 2:29
  like this. And I know, I know a lot of
• 2:31
  people just like, well, Lee, the easiest way for you to feel
• 2:34
  better is to put somebody else down.
• 2:36
  Wouldn't the easiest way to feel better be to work on yourself?
• 2:39
  Yes, realistically, that's the easiest way, right?
• 2:44
  But if you're dealing with a narcissist, that is not the
• 2:47
  easiest way to a narcissist. It's easier to change you than
• 2:52
  it is to change me as a narcissist.
• 2:55
  It's way easier to change you than it is to put any time,
• 3:01
  effort, energy, work into changing myself, into working on
• 3:05
  myself, into doing anything like that, because that makes me feel
• 3:09
  better. I know a lot of people don't
• 3:11
  like to hear that when I say that.
• 3:12
  Oh, like Lee, that sounds crazy. Yeah.
• 3:14
  Yeah, I understand how crazy it sounds.
• 3:16
  I said it right. I know how foolish it sounds
• 3:19
  because it came out of my mouth, but that's how a lot, a lot of
• 3:22
  narcissist minds work right there.
• 3:24
  They put you down in order to pick themselves up.
• 3:27
  That's literally how it goes. I need to feel better.
• 3:30
  I want to feel better. And the quickest, easiest, most
• 3:33
  efficient way for me to do that is to attack you.
• 3:36
  You know what I'm saying? That's literally it right there.
• 3:39
  I know a lot of people out there just like Lee.
• 3:41
  This sounds crazy as hell. Like why can't they just work on
• 3:43
  themselves or just come talk to us and maybe we can help them
• 3:46
  with their issues? Narcissist will look at you like
• 3:51
  you're crazy for doing it. Like you want to talk about my
• 3:54
  issues. If I tell you about my issues,
• 3:58
  that means you can use them against me.
• 4:02
  I know that sounds foolish, but if I tell you about my issues,
• 4:05
  if I tell you about the stuff that I have going on, if I tell
• 4:08
  you about how my mind works and what's what I'm struggling with,
• 4:12
  that means that you can use that type of stuff against me.
• 4:15
  That's absolutely what that means right there.
• 4:17
  You can absolutely use that type of stuff against me.
• 4:20
  You can absolutely hurt me and harm me in any way that you so
• 4:23
  choose. You can absolutely punish me.
• 4:26
  Well, Lee, why would Lee, why would they think that we would
• 4:28
  use that type of stuff against them?
• 4:31
  Because that's what they would do.
• 4:32
  Guys, Simply put, that's what they would do.
• 4:37
  They, you and you probably have experienced, you probably have
• 4:39
  experienced this with that narcissistic person in your
• 4:41
  life. You have told them something,
• 4:44
  you have shared a deep dark secret with them.
• 4:47
  You have gotten open, honest and vulnerable with them.
• 4:49
  And guess what? They've used it against you
• 4:51
  later on haven't they? Like they in an art when y'all,
• 4:54
  when y'all get into an argument, y'all start arguing or
• 4:57
  something, they bring up the secret, the deep dark secret
• 5:00
  that you have told them. That's what happens.
• 5:02
  They Brent you Brent like you start talking, you start just
• 5:05
  trying to heal or whatever the case may be.
• 5:07
  And then they bring it up. Y'all get into an argument and
• 5:10
  then all of a sudden this deep dark secret or this trauma that
• 5:14
  you've experienced, this hurt, this harm that has happened to
• 5:17
  you. They bring it up in passing and
• 5:20
  use it against you. They weaponize your pain and
• 5:22
  your trauma against you. And that's why that why a lot of
• 5:25
  Times Now you don't tell them stuff anymore.
• 5:28
  So because a lot of narcissists assume that you are thinking the
• 5:32
  same way that they are thinking, a lot of narcissists assume that
• 5:36
  they are going to go out there because a lot of narcissists
• 5:38
  assume this type of stuff. They are not going to share
• 5:41
  stuff with you because they think you're going to use it
• 5:43
  against them because vulnerability makes them feel
• 5:46
  weak. Me being vulnerable, me being
• 5:48
  open and honest makes me feel weak, makes me feel tiny, makes
• 5:52
  me feel extremely small. So I don't want to be vulnerable
• 5:55
  to you. I would rather put you down.
• 5:58
  This is what y'all think about it.
• 5:59
  Think about it is I know that a lot of y'all have been having a
• 6:01
  good day and out of nowhere you're a narcissistic person,
• 6:05
  the narcissistic person in your life, out of nowhere, they start
• 6:08
  a huge argument. Out of nowhere you'll be like
• 6:10
  wait, what the hell? You're having a good day.
• 6:12
  Everything is silent. Y'all are just chilling right?
• 6:15
  Then out of nowhere here comes an argument and you're like,
• 6:18
  wait, what the hell? What we arguing for?
• 6:21
  Like what, how do we, how do we even get to the how do we even
• 6:24
  get to this point right here? How, how, how are we what, what,
• 6:27
  what, what happened? And you're confused as hell.
• 6:30
  Your feelings are hurt. You feel bad about the
• 6:32
  situation, right? This is what happens.
• 6:35
  This is the, the space that so many people are falling into.
• 6:38
  I promise you, right? I promise you, like they bring
• 6:44
  you down because they're feeling bad about a certain situation.
• 6:50
  Let me say it like this as well. When you're doing good, like
• 6:53
  when you have something that you want to celebrate.
• 6:55
  Imagine this scenario right here.
• 6:57
  You were doing good, right? You're feeling good about
• 6:59
  something. You have something that you want
• 7:01
  to celebrate or bring to the bring to the forefront, right?
• 7:05
  Something is going on in your life and you want to celebrate
• 7:07
  it. You want to bring it to the
• 7:08
  forefront. You like, yeah, I need to bring
• 7:10
  this to the forefront right now, people.
• 7:11
  I need to share this with the world.
• 7:12
  I'm I just got a promotion. I just graduated.
• 7:15
  I just made more money. I just won something.
• 7:18
  I want a prize. I want to look, I want a
• 7:20
  competition. I did something right And then
• 7:22
  all of a sudden you shared it. You shared this with your
• 7:25
  narcissistic partner and now y'all are in an argument like
• 7:29
  you simply just shared a victory that you had in your own
• 7:32
  personal life and now you're arguing and you I know you're
• 7:36
  like, wait, what? How did this wait?
• 7:39
  How the hell did this become an argument?
• 7:41
  How did we, how did we get here? Right?
• 7:44
  I know y'all wait, how? What are we arguing for?
• 7:49
  What are we arguing about? Like I just shared AII just
• 7:54
  shared a victory. I just shared a promotion, I
• 7:56
  just shared a celebration. It's my birthday.
• 7:59
  Usually it's Christmas. They put you down.
• 8:01
  Y'all got to be. Definitely be ready for this
• 8:03
  right here. Especially if you got a
• 8:04
  narcissist in their life in your life right now.
• 8:07
  Holiday season will be terrible for you because just think about
• 8:10
  it, if they're not in their life, what they want to be, if
• 8:13
  they're not in their life where they need to be or they feel
• 8:15
  like they should be like, like they, they don't have the money,
• 8:18
  they don't have the access, they don't have the power that they
• 8:20
  want. Christmas is probably going to
• 8:22
  be a bad season for you because they, they feel bad about not
• 8:25
  being able to provide what they think they should be able to
• 8:27
  provide. And then guess what?
• 8:28
  Because they feel bad, they inevitably take it out on the
• 8:31
  people around them. They have to put you down in
• 8:34
  order to feel better. I have to put you down.
• 8:36
  I didn't buy you a gift because we were arguing.
• 8:39
  Who started the argument? Why did y'all start arguing?
• 8:42
  Why are you arguing in the 1st place?
• 8:43
  Like look, look, look, look deep here.
• 8:45
  Look deeper in the situation. Why are you arguing in the 1st
• 8:50
  place? Who started the argument?
• 8:53
  How do we get here? They probably started the
• 8:55
  argument out of nowhere, out of like nothing happened, right?
• 8:59
  They started the argument out of nowhere and this type of stuff
• 9:02
  started to happen and started to boil down and boil down and now
• 9:05
  you're angry as hell and you're upset.
• 9:06
  You see what I'm saying? Now you don't get any Christmas
• 9:09
  gifts now that they buy now. Now they gave you the solid
• 9:11
  treatment on your birthday because y'all were arguing,
• 9:13
  remember who started the argument?
• 9:16
  Just like a rising tide, right? You know, lifts all boats.
• 9:20
  A sinking like that, you pull the plug out of the bathtub, it
• 9:23
  sinks the IT sinks all the pull all the water out of it.
• 9:25
  I gotta I'm gonna think of a better analogy, y'all.
• 9:27
  A rising tide lifts all boats is fire.
• 9:31
  And I have to compete with that. I have to compete with that.
• 9:35
  I do I have to come up with something that's going to be
• 9:36
  like a rising tide lifts all boats.
• 9:39
  Well, this is true as well. I'm going to come up with some
• 9:41
  fire and y'all going to be like, we'll leave he y'all, y'all
• 9:42
  going to start clapping for me like he did it.
• 9:45
  Damn it. He said he was going to come up
• 9:47
  with an analogy and he did it. And that damn thing was fire.
• 9:49
  Good job, Lee. That's what I expect to happen.
• 9:53
  That's what I anticipate y'all. But seriously, this, I'll say
• 9:56
  this in closing right here. Y'all, if you're arguing with a
• 9:59
  narcissist out of nowhere and they're trying to hurt your
• 10:01
  feelings out of nowhere, it's not about you.
• 10:04
  I know it. I know it sounds like a personal
• 10:06
  attack. I know they're trying to bring
• 10:08
  up all this stuff that you may have done.
• 10:11
  They're trying to hurt your feelings.
• 10:12
  They're trying to harm you in every way, shape or form.
• 10:15
  They're doing horrible things to you.
• 10:16
  They're saying horrible things to you right, but at the end of
• 10:19
  the day, it's them battling their own internal demons
• 10:23
  because they feel this big, they feel this big and they feel
• 10:26
  like, well, I got I'm battling these demons.
• 10:29
  I got to be able to defend myself.
• 10:30
  I got to be able to say this. I got to be able to say that.
• 10:33
  So you in preparation for that, just protect yourself.
• 10:35
  Y'all protect your peace, protect yourself, because like
• 10:37
  it's not about you. It's literally them feeling this
• 10:40
  big. So in order to in order to make
• 10:42
  themselves feel better, they have to pull you down.
• 10:45
  They have to push you down. They're still at the same level.
• 10:48
  Nothing in their life has changed.
• 10:50
  They're still horrible, right? They're still doing bad, but
• 10:54
  because they pushed you down, they feel a little bit better
• 10:57
  about the situation. You see what I'm saying?
• 11:00
  Anyway, y'all think I'll tune into another episode?
• 11:02
  Make sure you check out my website, mentalillness.net for
• 11:04
  all things Lee Hammock. My coaching, my courses are on
• 11:07
  there. The courses are fire.
• 11:09
  The courses are fire. Yeah.
• 11:10
  Mental illness.net for all things Lee Hammock.
• 11:12
  Hit the subscribe button if you haven't.
• 11:13
  And as always, as always, been doing this out.
• 11:16
  Peace.