Latest / The Awareness to Action Enneagram Podcast / Connecting with Enneagram Type Twos Through Coaching

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Connecting with Enneagram Type Twos Through Coaching · The Awareness to Action Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  Welcome
• 0:01
  back
• 0:01
  to
• 0:02
  another
• 0:02
  episode
• 0:02
  of
• 0:02
  awareness
• 0:03
  to
• 0:03
  Action
• 0:03
  Enneagram
• 0:03
  podcast.
• 0:04
  Mario
• 0:04
  is
• 0:04
  already
• 0:05
  yawning,
• 0:10
  Which
• 0:10
  makes
• 0:10
  my
• 0:10
  adjective
• 0:11
  just
• 0:11
  not
• 0:12
  work
• 0:12
  at
• 0:12
  all.
• 0:20
  Don't
• 0:20
  take
• 0:20
  it
• 0:21
  personal,
• 0:21
  Creek.
• 0:22
  My
• 0:23
  name
• 0:23
  is
• 0:24
  Creek.
• 0:25
  I
• 0:25
  have
• 0:25
  this.
• 0:25
  I
• 0:26
  have
• 0:26
  this
• 0:26
  gift
• 0:26
  for
• 0:27
  being
• 0:27
  able
• 0:27
  to
• 0:28
  sleep
• 0:28
  anytime,
• 0:28
  any
• 0:29
  place,
• 0:29
  and
• 0:30
  so
• 0:30
  we
• 0:31
  better
• 0:31
  keep
• 0:31
  this
• 0:31
  moving,
• 0:32
  or
• 0:32
  you're
• 0:32
  going
• 0:32
  to
• 0:33
  lose
• 0:33
  me
• 0:33
  here.
• 0:35
  Well,
• 0:36
  my
• 0:36
  name
• 0:36
  is
• 0:37
  Craig,
• 0:37
  and
• 0:37
  I'm
• 0:37
  with
• 0:38
  Mario
• 0:38
  Sikora
• 0:39
  and
• 0:39
  Marie
• 0:39
  Jose
• 0:40
  Munita,
• 0:40
  who
• 0:41
  are
• 0:42
  ebullient,
• 0:43
  apparently
• 0:44
  not
• 0:44
  Mario.
• 0:47
  But
• 0:50
  God,
• 0:50
  already
• 0:51
  undermining
• 0:52
  me,
• 0:52
  and
• 0:52
  I
• 0:52
  didn't
• 0:52
  even
• 0:52
  get
• 0:53
  to
• 0:53
  the
• 0:53
  intro,.
• 0:55
  Which.
• 0:56
  Would
• 0:56
  not
• 0:56
  be
• 0:57
  what
• 0:57
  A2
• 0:58
  does.
• 0:58
  And
• 0:59
  that's
• 0:59
  what
• 0:59
  we're
• 0:59
  talking
• 1:00
  about
• 1:00
  today.
• 1:00
  Yeah.
• 1:01
  A2
• 1:01
  would
• 1:02
  not
• 1:02
  yawn
• 1:02
  in
• 1:02
  your
• 1:02
  face.
• 1:03
  Is
• 1:03
  that
• 1:03
  what
• 1:03
  you're
• 1:03
  saying?
• 1:03
  As
• 1:04
  soon
• 1:04
  as
• 1:04
  you
• 1:04
  start
• 1:04
  talking.
• 1:04
  Yeah,
• 1:05
  probably
• 1:05
  not.
• 1:05
  Probably
• 1:06
  not.
• 1:06
  Yeah.
• 1:09
  All
• 1:09
  right.
• 1:09
  So,
• 1:10
  yeah,
• 1:10
  we're
• 1:10
  talking
• 1:10
  about
• 1:11
  coaching
• 1:11
  twos
• 1:12
  today.
• 1:14
  Let's
• 1:15
  start.
• 1:15
  Mario,
• 1:16
  to
• 1:16
  keep
• 1:16
  you
• 1:16
  awake,
• 1:17
  why
• 1:17
  don't
• 1:18
  you
• 1:18
  tell
• 1:18
  us
• 1:19
  what.
• 1:20
  What
• 1:20
  does
• 1:21
  it
• 1:21
  mean?
• 1:21
  Striving
• 1:21
  to
• 1:22
  feel
• 1:22
  connected.
• 1:23
  Yeah.
• 1:24
  So
• 1:24
  that
• 1:24
  is
• 1:24
  our
• 1:25
  definition
• 1:25
  of
• 1:26
  what
• 1:26
  a
• 1:26
  2
• 1:26
  is.
• 1:27
  And
• 1:28
  again,
• 1:29
  for
• 1:29
  us,
• 1:29
  we
• 1:29
  always
• 1:30
  look
• 1:30
  at
• 1:30
  this
• 1:30
  adaptive
• 1:31
  strategy.
• 1:32
  How
• 1:32
  does
• 1:32
  a,
• 1:32
  you
• 1:33
  know,
• 1:33
  person
• 1:33
  get
• 1:33
  their
• 1:33
  needs
• 1:34
  met?
• 1:34
  And
• 1:34
  so
• 1:34
  for
• 1:34
  the
• 1:35
  two,
• 1:35
  they
• 1:35
  get
• 1:35
  their
• 1:36
  needs
• 1:36
  met
• 1:36
  through
• 1:37
  connecting
• 1:37
  to
• 1:37
  other
• 1:37
  people.
• 1:38
  Now,
• 1:39
  the
• 1:39
  reputation
• 1:40
  of
• 1:40
  the
• 1:40
  twos
• 1:41
  is
• 1:41
  that
• 1:41
  they're
• 1:42
  helpers,
• 1:42
  right?
• 1:42
  They're
• 1:43
  always
• 1:43
  looking
• 1:43
  out
• 1:43
  to
• 1:44
  do
• 1:44
  things
• 1:44
  for
• 1:45
  other
• 1:45
  people,
• 1:45
  and
• 1:46
  they're
• 1:46
  always
• 1:46
  putting
• 1:46
  other
• 1:46
  people
• 1:47
  first.
• 1:47
  And
• 1:47
  all
• 1:47
  these
• 1:48
  sort
• 1:48
  of
• 1:48
  things
• 1:49
  not
• 1:49
  always
• 1:50
  necessarily
• 1:50
  true.
• 1:51
  Right.
• 1:51
  Some
• 1:51
  do
• 1:51
  and
• 1:52
  some
• 1:52
  don't.
• 1:53
  The
• 1:53
  helping
• 1:54
  kind
• 1:54
  of
• 1:54
  comes
• 1:55
  as
• 1:55
  a
• 1:55
  way
• 1:56
  of
• 1:56
  connecting
• 1:56
  very
• 1:57
  often.
• 1:58
  This
• 1:58
  is
• 1:59
  not
• 1:59
  to
• 1:59
  say
• 1:59
  that
• 1:59
  there's
• 1:59
  always
• 2:00
  an
• 2:00
  agenda
• 2:01
  behind
• 2:01
  the
• 2:02
  two's
• 2:02
  helpfulness.
• 2:03
  Sometimes
• 2:03
  they
• 2:03
  do
• 2:03
  it
• 2:03
  just
• 2:04
  because
• 2:04
  they're
• 2:04
  a
• 2:04
  good
• 2:04
  person,
• 2:05
  but
• 2:05
  they
• 2:06
  want
• 2:06
  to
• 2:06
  know
• 2:06
  that
• 2:06
  they
• 2:06
  have
• 2:06
  an
• 2:07
  emotional
• 2:07
  bond
• 2:07
  with
• 2:08
  people.
• 2:09
  So
• 2:09
  their
• 2:09
  way
• 2:09
  of
• 2:09
  interacting
• 2:10
  with
• 2:10
  people
• 2:11
  is
• 2:11
  to
• 2:11
  pay
• 2:11
  attention
• 2:12
  to
• 2:12
  them,
• 2:12
  to
• 2:12
  notice
• 2:13
  them,
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  recognize
• 2:14
  them,
• 2:14
  to
• 2:16
  look
• 2:16
  for
• 2:16
  their
• 2:16
  needs
• 2:17
  when
• 2:17
  it's
• 2:18
  appropriate.
• 2:20
  So
• 2:20
  it's
• 2:20
  all
• 2:20
  about,
• 2:21
  I
• 2:22
  feel
• 2:22
  okay
• 2:23
  if
• 2:23
  I
• 2:24
  feel
• 2:24
  like
• 2:24
  you
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  I
• 2:25
  have
• 2:25
  some
• 2:25
  sort
• 2:26
  of
• 2:26
  emotional
• 2:26
  bond.
• 2:29
  I
• 2:29
  just
• 2:29
  can't
• 2:29
  stop
• 2:29
  about.
• 2:30
  I
• 2:31
  mean,
• 2:31
  thinking
• 2:31
  about
• 2:31
  the
• 2:32
  line
• 2:32
  behind
• 2:32
  you,
• 2:33
  Mario.
• 2:36
  Yes,
• 2:37
  folks,
• 2:37
  I've
• 2:37
  been.
• 2:37
  I've
• 2:37
  been
• 2:38
  trying
• 2:38
  to
• 2:38
  train
• 2:38
  these.
• 2:39
  These
• 2:39
  boomers
• 2:40
  how
• 2:40
  to
• 2:40
  be
• 2:40
  camera
• 2:41
  ready.
• 2:41
  And
• 2:42
  Mario's
• 2:43
  finally
• 2:43
  starting
• 2:43
  to
• 2:44
  put
• 2:44
  the
• 2:44
  line
• 2:44
  behind
• 2:44
  his
• 2:45
  head.
• 2:45
  But
• 2:46
  now.
• 2:46
  But
• 2:46
  now
• 2:47
  Maria
• 2:47
  Jose's
• 2:47
  obsessing
• 2:48
  has
• 2:48
  been
• 2:49
  off
• 2:49
  and
• 2:49
  aiming.
• 2:51
  If
• 2:51
  I
• 2:51
  move.
• 2:52
  Yeah,
• 2:52
  exactly.
• 2:54
  You
• 2:54
  know.
• 2:55
  Yeah.
• 2:57
  And.
• 2:57
  And
• 2:57
  in
• 2:57
  Maria
• 2:58
  Jose's
• 2:58
  defense,
• 2:58
  she's
• 2:59
  not
• 2:59
  a
• 2:59
  boomer,
• 2:59
  but.
• 3:00
  But
• 3:00
  I
• 3:00
  am.
• 3:00
  Oh,
• 3:01
  okay.
• 3:01
  All
• 3:01
  right.
• 3:02
  Careful
• 3:02
  there.
• 3:03
  Fair
• 3:03
  enough.
• 3:03
  She's
• 3:03
  not
• 3:04
  even
• 3:04
  close
• 3:04
  in,
• 3:04
  in
• 3:05
  fact,
• 3:05
  so
• 3:05
  she's.
• 3:06
  Yeah,
• 3:06
  she.
• 3:07
  She
• 3:07
  missed
• 3:07
  it
• 3:08
  by,
• 3:08
  you
• 3:08
  know,
• 3:08
  10,
• 3:09
  11
• 3:09
  years.
• 3:10
  Okay.
• 3:11
  All
• 3:12
  right,
• 3:12
  Mar,
• 3:13
  do
• 3:13
  you
• 3:13
  have
• 3:13
  any
• 3:14
  non.
• 3:15
  One
• 3:15
  things
• 3:15
  to
• 3:15
  add
• 3:16
  to
• 3:16
  this
• 3:16
  conversation?
• 3:19
  So.
• 3:19
  So
• 3:19
  as
• 3:20
  Mario
• 3:20
  was
• 3:20
  saying,
• 3:20
  too
• 3:21
  sort
• 3:21
  of
• 3:21
  striving
• 3:21
  to
• 3:21
  feel
• 3:22
  connected.
• 3:22
  And
• 3:24
  they
• 3:24
  do
• 3:24
  help
• 3:25
  sometimes.
• 3:25
  It's
• 3:26
  not
• 3:26
  like
• 3:26
  some
• 3:26
  do,
• 3:27
  some
• 3:27
  don't.
• 3:27
  I
• 3:28
  think
• 3:28
  that
• 3:30
  probably
• 3:31
  everyone
• 3:32
  helps
• 3:32
  once
• 3:33
  in
• 3:33
  a
• 3:33
  while.
• 3:33
  But
• 3:34
  sure,
• 3:35
  twos
• 3:36
  sometimes
• 3:37
  use
• 3:37
  it
• 3:37
  as
• 3:37
  a
• 3:37
  way.
• 3:37
  Even
• 3:38
  I
• 3:38
  help
• 3:38
  people
• 3:38
  sometimes
• 3:40
  use
• 3:40
  it.
• 3:40
  As
• 3:40
  a
• 3:40
  way
• 3:40
  to
• 3:41
  connect,
• 3:41
  and
• 3:42
  they
• 3:42
  do
• 3:42
  other
• 3:42
  things
• 3:43
  in
• 3:43
  order
• 3:43
  to
• 3:43
  connect
• 3:44
  as
• 3:44
  well.
• 3:44
  So
• 3:45
  they
• 3:46
  build
• 3:46
  rapport
• 3:47
  quickly
• 3:48
  or
• 3:48
  easily.
• 3:50
  Sometimes.
• 3:51
  They
• 3:52
  are
• 3:52
  good
• 3:53
  at
• 3:55
  noticing
• 3:57
  positive
• 3:58
  things
• 3:58
  about
• 3:58
  people
• 3:59
  and
• 3:59
  letting
• 3:59
  them
• 4:00
  know
• 4:00
  they
• 4:00
  see
• 4:00
  it.
• 4:01
  They
• 4:01
  are
• 4:01
  nurturing.
• 4:03
  They
• 4:03
  are.
• 4:05
  They
• 4:06
  have
• 4:06
  this
• 4:07
  ability
• 4:07
  to
• 4:08
  make
• 4:08
  other
• 4:09
  people
• 4:09
  feel
• 4:09
  close.
• 4:11
  It
• 4:11
  can
• 4:11
  be
• 4:12
  through
• 4:12
  nicknames,
• 4:12
  the
• 4:13
  way
• 4:13
  they
• 4:13
  speak,
• 4:13
  how
• 4:14
  they
• 4:14
  touch
• 4:14
  you.
• 4:16
  It
• 4:16
  can
• 4:18
  show
• 4:18
  up
• 4:18
  in
• 4:18
  different
• 4:18
  ways,
• 4:19
  but
• 4:19
  it's
• 4:20
  all
• 4:21
  attitudes
• 4:22
  and
• 4:22
  behaviors
• 4:23
  that
• 4:24
  make
• 4:24
  them
• 4:25
  feel
• 4:25
  connected
• 4:25
  to
• 4:25
  other
• 4:26
  people.
• 4:28
  Yeah.
• 4:29
  On
• 4:29
  the
• 4:30
  downside,
• 4:31
  you
• 4:31
  were
• 4:31
  just
• 4:31
  waiting.
• 4:32
  Some
• 4:32
  of
• 4:32
  the
• 4:32
  behaviors.
• 4:33
  Oh,
• 4:33
  no,
• 4:33
  I.
• 4:34
  I'm
• 4:34
  just
• 4:35
  trying
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  move
• 4:35
  us
• 4:35
  along
• 4:36
  here.
• 4:36
  That's.
• 4:36
  That's
• 4:36
  all
• 4:37
  so,
• 4:37
  so
• 4:37
  helpful.
• 4:38
  Yeah.
• 4:38
  On
• 4:39
  the
• 4:39
  downside
• 4:39
  here,
• 4:40
  they.
• 4:41
  Number
• 4:41
  one,
• 4:42
  they
• 4:42
  can
• 4:42
  have
• 4:42
  issues
• 4:42
  with
• 4:43
  boundaries.
• 4:43
  This
• 4:43
  is
• 4:43
  the
• 4:44
  thing
• 4:44
  that
• 4:44
  we
• 4:44
  most
• 4:45
  frequently
• 4:46
  encounter
• 4:46
  in
• 4:47
  working
• 4:47
  with
• 4:47
  twos.
• 4:48
  It's
• 4:48
  these
• 4:48
  issues
• 4:48
  around
• 4:49
  boundaries.
• 4:50
  Either
• 4:51
  they
• 4:51
  violate
• 4:52
  other
• 4:52
  people's
• 4:52
  boundaries,
• 4:53
  or
• 4:54
  they
• 4:55
  allow
• 4:55
  other
• 4:55
  people
• 4:56
  to
• 4:56
  violate
• 4:56
  their
• 4:56
  boundaries.
• 4:57
  Right.
• 4:58
  They
• 4:58
  don't,
• 4:58
  you
• 4:58
  know,
• 4:58
  stand
• 4:59
  up
• 4:59
  for
• 4:59
  themselves.
• 5:00
  They
• 5:00
  don't
• 5:00
  put
• 5:00
  limits
• 5:01
  on
• 5:01
  people
• 5:01
  who
• 5:02
  expect
• 5:02
  things
• 5:02
  from
• 5:03
  them.
• 5:03
  And
• 5:04
  they
• 5:04
  can
• 5:04
  demand,
• 5:05
  you
• 5:05
  know,
• 5:07
  to.
• 5:07
  To
• 5:07
  be
• 5:08
  recognized,
• 5:08
  to
• 5:08
  be
• 5:09
  appreciated,
• 5:09
  to
• 5:09
  be
• 5:09
  embraced
• 5:10
  in
• 5:10
  some
• 5:10
  way.
• 5:11
  So,
• 5:12
  again,
• 5:12
  there's
• 5:13
  always
• 5:13
  some
• 5:13
  negative
• 5:14
  things
• 5:14
  to
• 5:14
  all
• 5:15
  of
• 5:15
  these,
• 5:15
  a
• 5:16
  few
• 5:16
  more
• 5:16
  things
• 5:16
  on
• 5:16
  the
• 5:16
  positive
• 5:17
  side,
• 5:17
  just
• 5:17
  to,
• 5:18
  you
• 5:18
  know,
• 5:18
  to
• 5:19
  be
• 5:19
  fair,
• 5:20
  this
• 5:21
  ability
• 5:21
  to
• 5:22
  recognize
• 5:23
  people
• 5:23
  and
• 5:24
  to
• 5:24
  remember
• 5:24
  the
• 5:25
  humanity
• 5:26
  of
• 5:26
  people
• 5:27
  is
• 5:27
  really,
• 5:27
  really
• 5:28
  important,
• 5:28
  especially
• 5:29
  in
• 5:29
  organizations.
• 5:30
  Right.
• 5:30
  Because
• 5:31
  twos
• 5:31
  have
• 5:32
  this
• 5:32
  way
• 5:32
  of
• 5:32
  being
• 5:32
  able
• 5:33
  to
• 5:33
  say,
• 5:34
  hey,
• 5:34
  let's
• 5:34
  remember
• 5:34
  that
• 5:35
  we're
• 5:35
  dealing
• 5:35
  with
• 5:35
  people
• 5:36
  here.
• 5:36
  And
• 5:37
  let's
• 5:37
  remember
• 5:37
  that
• 5:37
  these
• 5:39
  feelings.
• 5:39
  And
• 5:39
  let's
• 5:39
  remember
• 5:40
  that
• 5:40
  these
• 5:40
  people
• 5:40
  have
• 5:41
  needs.
• 5:42
  And
• 5:43
  that's
• 5:43
  a
• 5:43
  good
• 5:43
  reminder.
• 5:44
  Right.
• 5:44
  Because
• 5:45
  if
• 5:45
  we
• 5:45
  don't
• 5:45
  have
• 5:46
  somebody
• 5:47
  to
• 5:47
  remind
• 5:48
  us
• 5:48
  of
• 5:48
  those
• 5:48
  things,
• 5:49
  it's
• 5:49
  easy,
• 5:50
  especially
• 5:50
  when
• 5:51
  we're
• 5:51
  not
• 5:51
  connected
• 5:53
  to
• 5:53
  them
• 5:54
  or
• 5:54
  interacting
• 5:55
  with
• 5:55
  them,
• 5:55
  very
• 5:56
  often,
• 5:56
  to
• 5:57
  forget
• 5:57
  about
• 5:57
  this.
• 5:58
  And
• 5:58
  what
• 5:58
  you'll
• 5:58
  see
• 5:58
  in
• 5:59
  organizations
• 6:00
  very
• 6:00
  often
• 6:00
  is,
• 6:01
  you
• 6:01
  know,
• 6:01
  an
• 6:01
  organization's
• 6:02
  a
• 6:02
  big
• 6:02
  place,
• 6:02
  and
• 6:03
  you
• 6:03
  don't
• 6:03
  interact
• 6:03
  with
• 6:03
  a
• 6:04
  lot
• 6:04
  of
• 6:04
  people,
• 6:04
  and
• 6:04
  so
• 6:04
  they
• 6:04
  can
• 6:05
  just
• 6:05
  feel
• 6:05
  like
• 6:05
  kind
• 6:05
  of
• 6:05
  statistics
• 6:06
  for
• 6:06
  you.
• 6:07
  Okay.
• 6:07
  So
• 6:08
  the
• 6:08
  two
• 6:08
  Reminds
• 6:09
  us
• 6:09
  of
• 6:10
  the
• 6:10
  humanity
• 6:10
  of
• 6:11
  people,
• 6:11
  which
• 6:12
  is
• 6:12
  why
• 6:12
  you
• 6:12
  see
• 6:12
  a
• 6:12
  lot
• 6:13
  of
• 6:13
  them
• 6:13
  in
• 6:14
  human
• 6:14
  resources.
• 6:15
  You
• 6:16
  see
• 6:16
  a
• 6:16
  lot
• 6:16
  of
• 6:16
  them.
• 6:17
  You
• 6:17
  see
• 6:17
  a
• 6:17
  lot
• 6:17
  of
• 6:17
  them
• 6:17
  in
• 6:18
  sales.
• 6:18
  You
• 6:18
  see
• 6:18
  a
• 6:19
  lot
• 6:19
  of
• 6:19
  them
• 6:19
  in
• 6:19
  marketing.
• 6:19
  You
• 6:20
  see
• 6:20
  a
• 6:20
  lot
• 6:20
  of
• 6:20
  them
• 6:20
  in
• 6:21
  any
• 6:22
  kind
• 6:22
  of
• 6:22
  role
• 6:22
  that
• 6:24
  interfaces
• 6:24
  with
• 6:25
  other
• 6:25
  people.
• 6:26
  So
• 6:26
  part
• 6:26
  of
• 6:26
  working
• 6:26
  with
• 6:27
  twos
• 6:27
  is
• 6:28
  working
• 6:29
  on
• 6:29
  the
• 6:29
  different
• 6:29
  things
• 6:30
  associated
• 6:30
  with
• 6:30
  their
• 6:31
  connecting
• 6:31
  points.
• 6:32
  Maria
• 6:32
  Jose,
• 6:32
  can
• 6:33
  you
• 6:33
  start.
• 6:33
  Start
• 6:34
  us
• 6:34
  off
• 6:34
  with
• 6:34
  connecting
• 6:35
  points?
• 6:35
  Sure.
• 6:35
  So
• 6:36
  the
• 6:38
  two.
• 6:40
  The
• 6:40
  two
• 6:40
  connecting
• 6:41
  points
• 6:41
  are
• 6:41
  point
• 6:42
  eight,
• 6:42
  striving
• 6:43
  to
• 6:43
  feel
• 6:43
  powerful,
• 6:44
  and
• 6:44
  point
• 6:45
  four,
• 6:46
  striving
• 6:47
  to
• 6:47
  feel
• 6:47
  unique.
• 6:49
  Point
• 6:49
  eight
• 6:49
  is
• 6:50
  the
• 6:50
  support
• 6:50
  strategy.
• 6:51
  It's
• 6:53
  things
• 6:53
  they
• 6:53
  do
• 6:54
  that
• 6:54
  reinforce
• 6:55
  their
• 6:56
  desire
• 6:57
  to
• 6:57
  feel
• 6:58
  connected.
• 6:59
  So
• 7:01
  it
• 7:01
  creates
• 7:02
  this
• 7:03
  kind
• 7:04
  of,
• 7:04
  like,
• 7:04
  additional
• 7:05
  force.
• 7:07
  Twos
• 7:07
  can
• 7:07
  be
• 7:08
  a
• 7:08
  bit
• 7:08
  forceful
• 7:09
  and
• 7:10
  kind
• 7:11
  of
• 7:11
  almost
• 7:12
  make
• 7:13
  you
• 7:15
  get
• 7:16
  their
• 7:16
  help
• 7:17
  or
• 7:17
  their
• 7:18
  point
• 7:18
  of
• 7:18
  view
• 7:18
  or
• 7:19
  what
• 7:19
  they
• 7:19
  think
• 7:20
  it
• 7:21
  will
• 7:21
  be
• 7:21
  good
• 7:21
  for
• 7:21
  you.
• 7:22
  So
• 7:23
  that
• 7:24
  attitude,
• 7:24
  it's
• 7:25
  what
• 7:25
  we
• 7:25
  call.
• 7:26
  And
• 7:26
  then
• 7:27
  it's.
• 7:31
  So
• 7:31
  there's
• 7:31
  something
• 7:31
  about
• 7:31
  the
• 7:32
  two
• 7:32
  that
• 7:33
  it's.
• 7:35
  They
• 7:35
  want
• 7:35
  to
• 7:35
  connect.
• 7:36
  They
• 7:37
  want
• 7:37
  to
• 7:37
  do
• 7:37
  things
• 7:38
  for
• 7:38
  other
• 7:38
  people
• 7:39
  so
• 7:39
  that
• 7:39
  they
• 7:39
  can
• 7:40
  do
• 7:40
  so,
• 7:41
  and
• 7:41
  they
• 7:42
  honestly
• 7:43
  think
• 7:43
  that
• 7:44
  it's
• 7:44
  for
• 7:44
  your
• 7:44
  own
• 7:45
  good.
• 7:45
  They
• 7:46
  honestly
• 7:46
  think
• 7:47
  that
• 7:47
  it's
• 7:47
  what
• 7:47
  you
• 7:48
  need.
• 7:48
  If
• 7:49
  you
• 7:49
  don't
• 7:50
  take
• 7:50
  it,
• 7:51
  they
• 7:51
  might
• 7:52
  push
• 7:52
  harder.
• 7:54
  And
• 7:55
  that's.
• 7:57
  I
• 7:57
  don't
• 7:57
  know,
• 7:58
  sometimes
• 8:00
  breaks
• 8:00
  other
• 8:01
  people's
• 8:01
  boundaries,
• 8:02
  as
• 8:02
  Mario
• 8:02
  was
• 8:02
  saying,
• 8:03
  or
• 8:04
  makes
• 8:04
  them
• 8:05
  more
• 8:05
  demanding,
• 8:07
  like
• 8:08
  they're
• 8:08
  hoping
• 8:08
  that
• 8:08
  you
• 8:09
  will
• 8:09
  take
• 8:09
  care
• 8:09
  of
• 8:09
  them
• 8:10
  back.
• 8:12
  So
• 8:13
  it's
• 8:13
  kind
• 8:14
  of
• 8:14
  that
• 8:14
  forcefulness
• 8:16
  that
• 8:16
  comes
• 8:16
  with
• 8:16
  these
• 8:17
  eight,
• 8:17
  but
• 8:18
  it's
• 8:18
  like,
• 8:18
  if
• 8:18
  you
• 8:19
  don't
• 8:19
  love
• 8:19
  me,
• 8:19
  I'll
• 8:19
  make
• 8:19
  you
• 8:20
  love
• 8:20
  me.
• 8:20
  I'll
• 8:20
  make
• 8:20
  you
• 8:21
  connect
• 8:21
  with
• 8:21
  me
• 8:22
  somehow.
• 8:25
  And.
• 8:25
  And
• 8:26
  that
• 8:26
  forcefulness
• 8:26
  is
• 8:27
  not
• 8:27
  just
• 8:27
  in
• 8:27
  negative
• 8:27
  ways.
• 8:28
  It
• 8:28
  can
• 8:28
  be
• 8:28
  in
• 8:29
  positive
• 8:29
  ways
• 8:29
  as
• 8:29
  well.
• 8:30
  And
• 8:32
  Twos
• 8:32
  can
• 8:32
  be
• 8:33
  real
• 8:33
  dynamos.
• 8:34
  And
• 8:34
  I.
• 8:35
  I
• 8:35
  think
• 8:35
  it
• 8:35
  often
• 8:36
  surprises
• 8:37
  people
• 8:38
  when
• 8:38
  they
• 8:38
  start
• 8:39
  to
• 8:39
  see
• 8:39
  the.
• 8:40
  The
• 8:40
  more
• 8:41
  assertive
• 8:42
  and
• 8:42
  more
• 8:42
  dynamic
• 8:43
  and
• 8:43
  the
• 8:44
  more
• 8:46
  impactful
• 8:49
  behaviors
• 8:50
  and
• 8:50
  elements
• 8:51
  of
• 8:51
  the
• 8:51
  two.
• 8:51
  Right.
• 8:52
  They.
• 8:52
  They
• 8:52
  come
• 8:53
  across
• 8:53
  as
• 8:53
  these
• 8:53
  nice,
• 8:54
  sweet,
• 8:54
  you
• 8:55
  know,
• 8:55
  caring
• 8:55
  people.
• 8:56
  And
• 8:56
  you
• 8:56
  start
• 8:56
  to
• 8:56
  assume
• 8:57
  that
• 8:57
  this
• 8:58
  person,
• 8:58
  you
• 8:58
  know,
• 8:59
  it's
• 8:59
  kind
• 8:59
  of
• 8:59
  a
• 8:59
  pushover
• 8:59
  or
• 9:00
  whatever.
• 9:01
  But
• 9:01
  they
• 9:02
  often
• 9:02
  have
• 9:02
  a
• 9:02
  lot
• 9:03
  of
• 9:03
  spine
• 9:03
  and
• 9:04
  a
• 9:04
  lot
• 9:04
  of
• 9:04
  assertiveness
• 9:05
  and,
• 9:06
  you
• 9:06
  know,
• 9:06
  a
• 9:06
  willingness
• 9:07
  to,
• 9:08
  you
• 9:08
  know,
• 9:08
  kind
• 9:08
  of
• 9:09
  stand
• 9:09
  their
• 9:09
  ground
• 9:09
  and
• 9:10
  to
• 9:10
  push
• 9:10
  for
• 9:10
  the
• 9:10
  things
• 9:11
  that
• 9:11
  they
• 9:11
  think
• 9:11
  are
• 9:12
  right.
• 9:12
  Yeah.
• 9:13
  And
• 9:14
  sometimes,
• 9:14
  like,
• 9:15
  the
• 9:15
  more
• 9:16
  negative
• 9:16
  aspect
• 9:16
  of
• 9:16
  it
• 9:17
  is
• 9:17
  that
• 9:18
  they
• 9:18
  feel
• 9:18
  like
• 9:19
  a
• 9:19
  martyr.
• 9:20
  I
• 9:20
  hate
• 9:20
  that
• 9:21
  word.
• 9:22
  It's
• 9:23
  a
• 9:23
  martyr.
• 9:24
  I
• 9:24
  would
• 9:24
  say
• 9:24
  martyr.
• 9:25
  But
• 9:25
  anyway,
• 9:28
  so
• 9:29
  they
• 9:29
  feel
• 9:29
  like
• 9:29
  they're
• 9:30
  making
• 9:30
  sacrifices
• 9:31
  for
• 9:31
  other
• 9:31
  people
• 9:32
  and
• 9:33
  are
• 9:33
  not
• 9:33
  being
• 9:33
  acknowledged
• 9:34
  for
• 9:34
  it.
• 9:35
  So,.
• 9:38
  And
• 9:38
  this
• 9:38
  is
• 9:38
  when
• 9:39
  you
• 9:39
  can
• 9:39
  see
• 9:39
  the
• 9:39
  real
• 9:39
  negative
• 9:40
  side
• 9:40
  of
• 9:41
  the
• 9:41
  forcefulness.
• 9:42
  Right.
• 9:42
  Because
• 9:43
  it
• 9:43
  can,
• 9:44
  you
• 9:44
  know,
• 9:44
  they
• 9:44
  can
• 9:44
  lash
• 9:44
  out
• 9:45
  because
• 9:45
  nobody
• 9:46
  likes
• 9:46
  to
• 9:46
  be
• 9:46
  a
• 9:46
  martyr
• 9:47
  for
• 9:47
  too
• 9:47
  long.
• 9:48
  Right.
• 9:48
  They
• 9:48
  might.
• 9:48
  It
• 9:49
  might
• 9:49
  feel
• 9:49
  good
• 9:50
  to
• 9:50
  play
• 9:50
  the
• 9:50
  martyr
• 9:51
  for
• 9:51
  a
• 9:51
  while,
• 9:52
  but
• 9:52
  nobody
• 9:52
  wants
• 9:53
  to
• 9:53
  burn
• 9:53
  at
• 9:53
  the
• 9:53
  stake,
• 9:54
  you
• 9:54
  know,
• 9:54
  indefinitely.
• 9:55
  So
• 9:55
  they
• 9:56
  get
• 9:57
  forceful
• 9:57
  in
• 9:58
  order
• 9:58
  to
• 9:59
  not
• 9:59
  have
• 9:59
  to
• 9:59
  feel
• 9:59
  that
• 10:00
  way.
• 10:01
  Yeah.
• 10:01
  The
• 10:02
  neglected
• 10:02
  strategy
• 10:03
  is
• 10:03
  trying
• 10:03
  to
• 10:03
  feel
• 10:04
  unique.
• 10:05
  And
• 10:06
  it's
• 10:07
  what
• 10:07
  they
• 10:07
  kind
• 10:07
  of
• 10:07
  avoid
• 10:08
  because
• 10:08
  they
• 10:09
  believe
• 10:09
  that
• 10:09
  it
• 10:10
  goes
• 10:10
  against
• 10:11
  striving
• 10:11
  to
• 10:11
  feel
• 10:12
  connected.
• 10:13
  So
• 10:13
  if
• 10:13
  I'm
• 10:13
  too
• 10:14
  unique,
• 10:15
  it
• 10:15
  feels
• 10:15
  like
• 10:18
  kind
• 10:18
  of
• 10:19
  isolated,
• 10:20
  and
• 10:21
  that's
• 10:21
  the
• 10:21
  opposite
• 10:22
  of
• 10:22
  connected.
• 10:23
  So
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  want
• 10:24
  to
• 10:24
  have
• 10:24
  things
• 10:24
  in
• 10:25
  common.
• 10:25
  I
• 10:25
  want
• 10:25
  to
• 10:26
  be
• 10:26
  connected
• 10:26
  to
• 10:26
  you.
• 10:26
  But
• 10:27
  on
• 10:27
  the
• 10:27
  other
• 10:28
  hand,
• 10:28
  I
• 10:29
  see
• 10:29
  how
• 10:29
  other
• 10:30
  people
• 10:30
  are
• 10:30
  getting
• 10:31
  recognition.
• 10:32
  I
• 10:32
  see
• 10:32
  how
• 10:32
  other
• 10:32
  people
• 10:33
  are
• 10:33
  getting
• 10:34
  attention
• 10:34
  that
• 10:34
  I'm
• 10:35
  not
• 10:35
  getting,
• 10:37
  and
• 10:37
  I
• 10:37
  feel
• 10:38
  almost
• 10:38
  envious
• 10:39
  about
• 10:39
  it.
• 10:40
  So
• 10:41
  it's
• 10:42
  like
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  would
• 10:43
  like,
• 10:43
  I
• 10:43
  wish
• 10:44
  I
• 10:44
  had
• 10:44
  that
• 10:45
  thing
• 10:45
  that
• 10:45
  other
• 10:45
  people
• 10:46
  do.
• 10:48
  And
• 10:48
  I
• 10:48
  want
• 10:49
  people
• 10:49
  to
• 10:50
  pay
• 10:50
  attention
• 10:51
  and
• 10:51
  focus
• 10:51
  on
• 10:51
  me,
• 10:52
  but
• 10:53
  not
• 10:53
  too
• 10:53
  much
• 10:54
  that
• 10:54
  it
• 10:54
  will
• 10:54
  drive
• 10:55
  people
• 10:55
  away.
• 10:56
  So
• 10:57
  they're
• 10:58
  kind
• 10:58
  of
• 10:59
  ambivalent
• 10:59
  about
• 11:00
  it.
• 11:01
  And
• 11:01
  they
• 11:02
  can
• 11:02
  show
• 11:02
  it,
• 11:02
  as
• 11:03
  we
• 11:03
  all
• 11:03
  do
• 11:03
  with
• 11:03
  a
• 11:03
  neglected
• 11:04
  strategy,
• 11:04
  when
• 11:05
  we
• 11:05
  are
• 11:06
  kind
• 11:06
  of
• 11:06
  feel
• 11:07
  safer,
• 11:08
  but
• 11:08
  then
• 11:08
  when
• 11:09
  it
• 11:10
  feels
• 11:10
  like
• 11:10
  it's
• 11:11
  putting
• 11:12
  our
• 11:12
  connection
• 11:12
  in
• 11:13
  danger,
• 11:13
  we
• 11:13
  kind
• 11:14
  of
• 11:14
  contract
• 11:15
  and
• 11:16
  try
• 11:16
  to
• 11:16
  get
• 11:17
  away
• 11:17
  from
• 11:17
  it.
• 11:20
  Yeah.
• 11:21
  The
• 11:21
  four,
• 11:22
  which
• 11:22
  we
• 11:23
  talked
• 11:23
  about
• 11:23
  last
• 11:24
  time,
• 11:24
  is
• 11:24
  always
• 11:25
  emphasizing
• 11:26
  how
• 11:26
  they're
• 11:26
  different
• 11:26
  from
• 11:27
  other
• 11:27
  people.
• 11:28
  And
• 11:29
  that's
• 11:29
  not
• 11:29
  a
• 11:29
  great
• 11:29
  way
• 11:30
  to
• 11:30
  establish
• 11:31
  connection.
• 11:31
  Right.
• 11:32
  You
• 11:32
  know,
• 11:32
  I
• 11:32
  don't.
• 11:33
  When
• 11:33
  I'm
• 11:33
  trying
• 11:33
  to
• 11:33
  establish
• 11:34
  connection
• 11:34
  with
• 11:35
  someone,
• 11:35
  I'm
• 11:35
  trying
• 11:36
  to
• 11:36
  find
• 11:36
  similarities.
• 11:37
  I'm
• 11:37
  trying
• 11:37
  to
• 11:37
  find,
• 11:39
  you
• 11:39
  know,
• 11:39
  shared
• 11:39
  experience
• 11:40
  or
• 11:41
  shared
• 11:41
  perspective.
• 11:43
  So
• 11:43
  I'm
• 11:43
  not
• 11:44
  emphasizing
• 11:44
  how
• 11:45
  I
• 11:45
  am
• 11:45
  different.
• 11:45
  In
• 11:46
  fact,
• 11:46
  to
• 11:46
  do
• 11:46
  so
• 11:47
  seems
• 11:47
  counterproductive
• 11:48
  to
• 11:48
  the
• 11:48
  two.
• 11:49
  So
• 11:49
  instead,
• 11:50
  I'm
• 11:50
  going
• 11:50
  to
• 11:50
  look
• 11:50
  for
• 11:51
  things
• 11:51
  that
• 11:52
  we
• 11:52
  have
• 11:52
  in
• 11:52
  common,
• 11:52
  and
• 11:53
  I'm
• 11:53
  going
• 11:53
  to
• 11:53
  emphasize
• 11:54
  those.
• 11:54
  Oh,
• 11:54
  I
• 11:54
  do
• 11:55
  that
• 11:55
  too.
• 11:55
  Oh,
• 11:55
  I
• 11:56
  do
• 11:56
  that
• 11:56
  too.
• 11:56
  Oh,
• 11:56
  yeah.
• 11:56
  I
• 11:57
  love
• 11:57
  that
• 11:57
  show,
• 11:57
  you
• 11:57
  know,
• 11:58
  those
• 11:58
  sort
• 11:58
  of
• 11:58
  things.
• 11:59
  And
• 11:59
  it
• 11:59
  can
• 12:00
  start
• 12:00
  to
• 12:00
  look
• 12:00
  like
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  two
• 12:02
  doesn't
• 12:02
  have
• 12:03
  their
• 12:03
  own
• 12:03
  agenda
• 12:04
  or
• 12:04
  their
• 12:04
  own
• 12:05
  perspective
• 12:06
  and
• 12:07
  that
• 12:07
  they're,
• 12:08
  you
• 12:08
  know,
• 12:08
  just
• 12:08
  kind
• 12:08
  of
• 12:09
  going
• 12:09
  along
• 12:09
  with
• 12:09
  people
• 12:10
  to
• 12:10
  blend
• 12:10
  with
• 12:10
  them.
• 12:11
  Now,
• 12:11
  again,
• 12:12
  as
• 12:12
  they
• 12:12
  get
• 12:12
  comfortable,
• 12:13
  they're
• 12:14
  much
• 12:14
  more
• 12:15
  comfortable
• 12:16
  expressing
• 12:16
  who
• 12:17
  they
• 12:17
  are.
• 12:18
  But
• 12:18
  that
• 12:18
  initial
• 12:19
  attempt
• 12:19
  to
• 12:20
  connect
• 12:21
  is
• 12:21
  going
• 12:21
  to
• 12:21
  be
• 12:21
  much
• 12:21
  more
• 12:22
  focused.
• 12:23
  It's
• 12:23
  going
• 12:24
  to
• 12:24
  be
• 12:24
  much
• 12:24
  more
• 12:24
  focused
• 12:24
  on
• 12:25
  avoiding
• 12:26
  differences
• 12:27
  and
• 12:27
  emphasizing
• 12:28
  similarities.
• 12:31
  Interesting.
• 12:34
  When
• 12:34
  do
• 12:34
  you
• 12:35
  feel.
• 12:40
  Maybe
• 12:40
  this
• 12:40
  is
• 12:40
  an
• 12:40
  impossible
• 12:41
  question,
• 12:41
  but
• 12:41
  just
• 12:42
  kind
• 12:42
  of
• 12:42
  whatever
• 12:42
  comes
• 12:42
  to
• 12:42
  mind.
• 12:43
  But
• 12:43
  when
• 12:43
  do
• 12:43
  you
• 12:43
  feel
• 12:43
  like
• 12:43
  they
• 12:44
  start,
• 12:44
  you
• 12:44
  start
• 12:45
  to
• 12:45
  notice
• 12:45
  that
• 12:45
  they
• 12:45
  start
• 12:46
  becoming
• 12:46
  more
• 12:46
  comfortable
• 12:47
  talking
• 12:47
  about
• 12:47
  themselves
• 12:48
  and
• 12:50
  not
• 12:50
  so
• 12:51
  much
• 12:51
  on
• 12:51
  the
• 12:51
  other
• 12:51
  person.
• 12:54
  Well,
• 12:55
  I,
• 12:55
  so
• 12:56
  I,
• 12:56
  I
• 12:56
  want
• 12:56
  to
• 12:57
  be
• 12:57
  careful
• 12:58
  because
• 12:59
  a,
• 13:01
  you
• 13:01
  know,
• 13:01
  a
• 13:01
  lot
• 13:01
  of
• 13:01
  this
• 13:02
  thing,
• 13:02
  a
• 13:02
  lot
• 13:02
  of
• 13:02
  this
• 13:02
  has
• 13:03
  to
• 13:03
  do
• 13:03
  with
• 13:03
  levels
• 13:03
  of
• 13:03
  maturity,
• 13:04
  right?
• 13:04
  Or
• 13:04
  degrees
• 13:05
  of
• 13:05
  maturity.
• 13:06
  And
• 13:06
  so,
• 13:07
  you
• 13:07
  know,
• 13:07
  we
• 13:07
  don't
• 13:08
  like
• 13:08
  talk
• 13:08
  about
• 13:08
  levels
• 13:09
  of
• 13:09
  health,
• 13:09
  but
• 13:09
  one
• 13:09
  could
• 13:10
  think
• 13:10
  of
• 13:10
  it,
• 13:10
  you
• 13:11
  know,
• 13:11
  as
• 13:12
  them
• 13:12
  being
• 13:12
  psychologically
• 13:13
  healthy
• 13:13
  or
• 13:14
  not.
• 13:15
  If
• 13:16
  they
• 13:16
  are,
• 13:18
  if
• 13:18
  they
• 13:18
  are,
• 13:22
  if
• 13:22
  they
• 13:22
  are
• 13:22
  under
• 13:23
  a
• 13:23
  lot
• 13:23
  of
• 13:23
  stress,
• 13:23
  if
• 13:24
  they're
• 13:24
  immature,
• 13:25
  they're
• 13:25
  going
• 13:25
  to
• 13:26
  be
• 13:26
  talking
• 13:26
  a
• 13:26
  lot
• 13:27
  about
• 13:27
  their
• 13:27
  needs
• 13:28
  and
• 13:29
  what
• 13:29
  I
• 13:30
  need
• 13:30
  you
• 13:30
  to
• 13:30
  do
• 13:31
  to
• 13:31
  help
• 13:32
  me
• 13:32
  meet
• 13:32
  them.
• 13:33
  Right.
• 13:33
  And
• 13:34
  so
• 13:34
  you'll
• 13:34
  see
• 13:35
  that
• 13:35
  emphasis.
• 13:35
  So
• 13:35
  it
• 13:36
  can
• 13:36
  start
• 13:36
  early
• 13:36
  on
• 13:37
  at
• 13:37
  immature
• 13:38
  levels.
• 13:39
  It's
• 13:39
  kind
• 13:39
  of
• 13:39
  in
• 13:39
  that
• 13:39
  mid
• 13:40
  range
• 13:40
  of
• 13:40
  maturity
• 13:41
  where
• 13:42
  you
• 13:42
  start
• 13:42
  to
• 13:42
  see
• 13:43
  this,
• 13:43
  you
• 13:44
  know,
• 13:44
  not
• 13:44
  wanting
• 13:45
  to
• 13:45
  talk
• 13:45
  about
• 13:46
  how
• 13:46
  I
• 13:46
  am
• 13:46
  unique.
• 13:47
  Okay.
• 13:48
  It
• 13:48
  doesn't
• 13:48
  mean
• 13:48
  they're
• 13:48
  not
• 13:48
  going
• 13:48
  to
• 13:48
  talk
• 13:49
  about
• 13:49
  themselves,
• 13:50
  but
• 13:50
  they're
• 13:50
  going
• 13:50
  to
• 13:51
  focus
• 13:51
  on
• 13:51
  similarities
• 13:52
  when
• 13:52
  they
• 13:52
  are
• 13:53
  talking
• 13:53
  about
• 13:53
  themselves.
• 13:55
  Now
• 13:56
  the
• 13:56
  thing
• 13:57
  we
• 13:57
  need
• 13:57
  to
• 13:57
  remember
• 13:57
  about
• 13:58
  the
• 13:58
  Enneagram
• 13:58
  type
• 13:59
  is
• 13:59
  that
• 14:00
  the
• 14:00
  strategy
• 14:01
  is
• 14:01
  a
• 14:01
  adaptive
• 14:04
  strategy.
• 14:05
  It
• 14:05
  helps
• 14:05
  us
• 14:05
  to
• 14:05
  get
• 14:05
  a
• 14:06
  need
• 14:06
  met
• 14:06
  or
• 14:07
  solve
• 14:07
  a
• 14:07
  problem.
• 14:08
  And
• 14:09
  when
• 14:09
  we
• 14:09
  don't
• 14:10
  feel
• 14:10
  like
• 14:10
  we
• 14:10
  don't
• 14:11
  have
• 14:11
  a
• 14:11
  problem
• 14:11
  to
• 14:12
  solve
• 14:12
  or
• 14:12
  some
• 14:13
  need
• 14:13
  to
• 14:13
  meet,
• 14:14
  we
• 14:15
  don't
• 14:15
  really
• 14:15
  demonstrate
• 14:16
  the
• 14:16
  aspects
• 14:17
  of
• 14:17
  personality.
• 14:17
  Right.
• 14:18
  I
• 14:18
  mean,
• 14:18
  when
• 14:18
  you're
• 14:18
  just
• 14:18
  sitting
• 14:19
  there
• 14:19
  on
• 14:19
  the
• 14:19
  sofa,
• 14:19
  everything's
• 14:20
  good,
• 14:20
  you're
• 14:20
  watching
• 14:21
  Netflix,
• 14:21
  you
• 14:22
  know,
• 14:22
  you're
• 14:22
  not
• 14:22
  being
• 14:22
  your
• 14:23
  type
• 14:23
  necessarily.
• 14:25
  And
• 14:26
  so
• 14:26
  the
• 14:26
  more
• 14:26
  relaxed
• 14:27
  we
• 14:27
  become,
• 14:28
  the
• 14:28
  more
• 14:28
  comfortable
• 14:29
  we
• 14:29
  become,
• 14:30
  the
• 14:30
  more
• 14:31
  willing
• 14:31
  we
• 14:31
  are
• 14:32
  to
• 14:32
  show
• 14:32
  different
• 14:33
  parts
• 14:33
  of
• 14:33
  ourselves.
• 14:33
  Okay,
• 14:34
  so
• 14:34
  it
• 14:35
  really
• 14:35
  has
• 14:35
  a
• 14:35
  lot
• 14:35
  to
• 14:35
  do
• 14:36
  with,
• 14:36
  you
• 14:36
  know,
• 14:36
  how
• 14:37
  comfortable
• 14:37
  and
• 14:37
  secure
• 14:38
  does
• 14:38
  the
• 14:38
  individual
• 14:39
  feel
• 14:40
  where
• 14:40
  the,
• 14:41
  in
• 14:41
  the
• 14:41
  two's
• 14:42
  case
• 14:42
  they'll
• 14:43
  start
• 14:43
  to
• 14:43
  show.
• 14:44
  Oh,
• 14:44
  well,
• 14:44
  you
• 14:44
  know,
• 14:45
  I
• 14:45
  actually
• 14:45
  like
• 14:45
  this
• 14:46
  and
• 14:46
  I'd
• 14:46
  like
• 14:46
  to
• 14:47
  go
• 14:47
  here
• 14:47
  for
• 14:47
  lunch
• 14:48
  and
• 14:48
  all
• 14:48
  those
• 14:48
  sort
• 14:49
  of
• 14:49
  things.
• 14:50
  It's
• 14:50
  when
• 14:50
  they,
• 14:51
  you
• 14:51
  know,
• 14:51
  and
• 14:51
  then
• 14:52
  they
• 14:52
  can
• 14:52
  kind
• 14:52
  of
• 14:52
  get
• 14:52
  into
• 14:53
  this
• 14:53
  thing
• 14:53
  where
• 14:54
  if
• 14:54
  the
• 14:54
  person
• 14:55
  says,
• 14:55
  you
• 14:55
  know,
• 14:56
  well
• 14:56
  I
• 14:56
  don't
• 14:56
  want
• 14:56
  to
• 14:57
  do
• 14:57
  that,
• 14:57
  then
• 14:58
  it's
• 14:58
  like,
• 14:58
  oh
• 14:58
  geez,
• 14:59
  you
• 14:59
  know,
• 14:59
  I
• 15:00
  never
• 15:00
  get
• 15:00
  what
• 15:00
  I
• 15:00
  want,
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  know,
• 15:01
  so
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  can
• 15:01
  see
• 15:02
  some
• 15:02
  of
• 15:02
  that
• 15:03
  or
• 15:03
  you
• 15:03
  can
• 15:04
  see
• 15:04
  some
• 15:04
  folding
• 15:06
  into,
• 15:06
  okay,
• 15:07
  well
• 15:07
  we
• 15:07
  can
• 15:07
  do
• 15:07
  whatever
• 15:08
  you
• 15:08
  want
• 15:09
  again,
• 15:09
  depending
• 15:09
  on
• 15:10
  the
• 15:10
  situation
• 15:11
  and
• 15:11
  which
• 15:11
  of
• 15:11
  those
• 15:12
  behaviors
• 15:12
  is
• 15:13
  going
• 15:13
  to
• 15:13
  feel
• 15:14
  like
• 15:14
  it
• 15:15
  satisfies
• 15:15
  the
• 15:15
  specific
• 15:16
  need
• 15:16
  that
• 15:17
  the
• 15:17
  person
• 15:17
  has
• 15:17
  at
• 15:17
  the
• 15:18
  time.
• 15:19
  Yeah,
• 15:19
  I
• 15:20
  think
• 15:20
  that's
• 15:20
  a
• 15:20
  important
• 15:21
  distinction.
• 15:23
  Yeah,
• 15:27
  so
• 15:27
  I
• 15:27
  agree.
• 15:28
  But
• 15:28
  just
• 15:29
  to
• 15:29
  add
• 15:29
  to
• 15:29
  that,
• 15:30
  I
• 15:30
  think
• 15:30
  that
• 15:31
  I've
• 15:32
  seen
• 15:33
  people.
• 15:34
  I
• 15:34
  mean,
• 15:34
  twos
• 15:35
  going
• 15:35
  from
• 15:37
  not
• 15:38
  even
• 15:38
  thinking
• 15:39
  about
• 15:39
  my
• 15:39
  needs
• 15:39
  and
• 15:40
  who
• 15:40
  I
• 15:40
  am
• 15:42
  to
• 15:43
  having
• 15:43
  that
• 15:44
  be
• 15:44
  their
• 15:44
  path
• 15:45
  of
• 15:45
  development.
• 15:46
  It's
• 15:46
  like
• 15:47
  most
• 15:47
  twos
• 15:48
  know
• 15:48
  that
• 15:48
  the
• 15:49
  one
• 15:49
  thing
• 15:49
  they
• 15:49
  have
• 15:50
  to
• 15:50
  work
• 15:50
  on
• 15:50
  is
• 15:53
  getting
• 15:53
  to
• 15:53
  know
• 15:54
  themselves
• 15:54
  and
• 15:54
  what
• 15:55
  they
• 15:55
  want
• 15:55
  and
• 15:57
  going
• 15:57
  after
• 15:57
  it,
• 15:59
  asking
• 15:59
  about
• 15:59
  it,
• 16:00
  or
• 16:00
  putting
• 16:01
  their
• 16:01
  agenda
• 16:02
  first
• 16:02
  or
• 16:03
  at
• 16:03
  least
• 16:03
  on
• 16:03
  the
• 16:03
  table.
• 16:06
  Fours
• 16:07
  kind
• 16:07
  of
• 16:07
  do
• 16:08
  that
• 16:08
  naturally.
• 16:09
  It's
• 16:09
  like
• 16:10
  who
• 16:10
  I
• 16:10
  am
• 16:11
  is
• 16:12
  kind
• 16:12
  of
• 16:12
  part
• 16:12
  of
• 16:12
  their
• 16:14
  experience
• 16:16
  all
• 16:16
  the
• 16:17
  time.
• 16:18
  For
• 16:18
  twos,
• 16:18
  it's
• 16:19
  not
• 16:19
  so
• 16:19
  natural,
• 16:19
  and
• 16:20
  they
• 16:20
  kind
• 16:20
  of
• 16:20
  avoid
• 16:20
  it
• 16:21
  because
• 16:21
  it
• 16:21
  feels
• 16:22
  like
• 16:23
  it
• 16:23
  doesn't
• 16:23
  add
• 16:24
  to
• 16:24
  connecting
• 16:25
  that
• 16:25
  much.
• 16:26
  But
• 16:29
  I've
• 16:29
  realized
• 16:29
  that
• 16:30
  when
• 16:31
  they
• 16:31
  do
• 16:31
  know
• 16:31
  themselves
• 16:32
  better,
• 16:32
  that
• 16:33
  when
• 16:33
  they
• 16:33
  do
• 16:34
  identify
• 16:35
  their
• 16:35
  needs
• 16:35
  and
• 16:36
  have
• 16:36
  them
• 16:37
  met,
• 16:38
  somehow
• 16:40
  they
• 16:40
  can
• 16:40
  connect
• 16:41
  in
• 16:41
  a
• 16:41
  healthier
• 16:41
  way.
• 16:43
  So
• 16:45
  it's
• 16:45
  like
• 16:46
  a
• 16:46
  path
• 16:46
  of
• 16:46
  development
• 16:46
  for
• 16:47
  twos.
• 16:49
  So
• 16:49
  the
• 16:49
  more
• 16:50
  they
• 16:50
  neglect
• 16:52
  developing
• 16:52
  it,
• 16:54
  the
• 16:55
  worst
• 16:55
  and
• 16:56
  the
• 16:56
  opposite
• 16:56
  is
• 16:57
  true.
• 16:57
  Yeah.
• 16:58
  There's
• 16:58
  a
• 16:58
  great
• 16:59
  illustration
• 17:00
  of
• 17:00
  this
• 17:01
  in
• 17:01
  the
• 17:01
  movie
• 17:02
  the
• 17:02
  Runaway
• 17:02
  Bride
• 17:03
  with
• 17:03
  Julia
• 17:03
  Roberts
• 17:04
  and
• 17:04
  Richard
• 17:04
  Gere.
• 17:05
  Right.
• 17:05
  And
• 17:06
  the.
• 17:06
  I
• 17:06
  don't
• 17:07
  know
• 17:07
  if
• 17:07
  the
• 17:07
  character
• 17:07
  was
• 17:07
  a
• 17:08
  two
• 17:08
  or
• 17:08
  not.
• 17:08
  This
• 17:09
  isn't
• 17:09
  enneagram
• 17:09
  in
• 17:10
  a
• 17:10
  movie,
• 17:10
  just
• 17:11
  so
• 17:11
  you
• 17:11
  know.
• 17:11
  I
• 17:12
  know,
• 17:12
  I
• 17:12
  know,
• 17:12
  I
• 17:13
  know.
• 17:13
  But
• 17:13
  a
• 17:14
  little
• 17:14
  crossover
• 17:14
  here.
• 17:15
  Okay,
• 17:15
  so,
• 17:15
  okay.
• 17:16
  All
• 17:16
  right.
• 17:18
  The.
• 17:19
  The
• 17:19
  character
• 17:20
  Julie
• 17:21
  Roberts
• 17:21
  plays
• 17:22
  gets
• 17:23
  the
• 17:23
  attention
• 17:23
  of
• 17:24
  a
• 17:24
  reporter
• 17:24
  played
• 17:24
  by
• 17:25
  Richard
• 17:25
  Gere,
• 17:25
  because
• 17:26
  she
• 17:26
  keeps
• 17:27
  leaving
• 17:27
  men
• 17:27
  at
• 17:27
  the
• 17:27
  altar.
• 17:28
  Right.
• 17:28
  She
• 17:28
  keeps
• 17:28
  getting
• 17:29
  engaged
• 17:29
  and
• 17:29
  then
• 17:30
  doesn't
• 17:30
  go
• 17:30
  through
• 17:30
  with
• 17:31
  it.
• 17:31
  And
• 17:32
  so
• 17:32
  he
• 17:32
  decides
• 17:32
  to
• 17:33
  do
• 17:33
  an
• 17:33
  interview
• 17:33
  with
• 17:34
  her
• 17:34
  and
• 17:34
  of
• 17:34
  course,
• 17:35
  falls
• 17:35
  in
• 17:35
  love
• 17:35
  with
• 17:35
  her.
• 17:36
  Etc.
• 17:37
  And
• 17:37
  one
• 17:38
  of
• 17:38
  the
• 17:38
  ongoing
• 17:38
  themes
• 17:39
  is
• 17:39
  that
• 17:40
  he
• 17:40
  would
• 17:40
  ask
• 17:40
  each
• 17:41
  of
• 17:41
  her
• 17:42
  former
• 17:43
  fiance's
• 17:44
  what
• 17:44
  are
• 17:44
  her
• 17:45
  favorite
• 17:45
  kind
• 17:45
  of
• 17:45
  eggs?
• 17:46
  And
• 17:46
  each
• 17:47
  one
• 17:47
  would
• 17:47
  say,
• 17:48
  oh,
• 17:48
  she
• 17:48
  loved
• 17:48
  fried
• 17:49
  eggs
• 17:49
  just
• 17:49
  like
• 17:49
  I
• 17:50
  do.
• 17:50
  And
• 17:50
  the
• 17:50
  next
• 17:51
  one
• 17:51
  would
• 17:51
  say,
• 17:51
  oh,
• 17:52
  she
• 17:52
  loves
• 17:52
  scrambled
• 17:52
  eggs
• 17:53
  just
• 17:53
  like
• 17:53
  I
• 17:53
  do.
• 17:54
  And
• 17:54
  the
• 17:54
  next
• 17:54
  one
• 17:54
  she
• 17:55
  loved,
• 17:55
  you
• 17:55
  know,
• 17:56
  poached
• 17:56
  eggs
• 17:57
  just
• 17:57
  like
• 17:57
  I
• 17:57
  do.
• 17:58
  And
• 17:59
  so
• 17:59
  the
• 17:59
  theme
• 18:00
  was
• 18:00
  she
• 18:00
  had
• 18:00
  this
• 18:00
  realization
• 18:01
  that,
• 18:01
  wow,
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  am,
• 18:02
  you
• 18:03
  know,
• 18:03
  I.
• 18:03
  I'm
• 18:04
  even
• 18:04
  turning
• 18:05
  over
• 18:05
  what
• 18:06
  kind
• 18:06
  of
• 18:06
  eggs.
• 18:07
  I
• 18:07
  like
• 18:08
  to
• 18:08
  connect
• 18:09
  with
• 18:09
  these
• 18:09
  other
• 18:09
  people.
• 18:10
  And
• 18:10
  so
• 18:11
  her,
• 18:12
  you
• 18:12
  know,
• 18:13
  her
• 18:13
  healing
• 18:14
  was
• 18:14
  to
• 18:15
  go
• 18:15
  off
• 18:15
  on
• 18:15
  her
• 18:15
  own
• 18:16
  for
• 18:16
  a
• 18:16
  while
• 18:16
  and
• 18:17
  figure
• 18:17
  out
• 18:17
  what
• 18:17
  kind
• 18:17
  of
• 18:18
  eggs
• 18:18
  she
• 18:18
  really
• 18:18
  liked.
• 18:20
  She
• 18:20
  did
• 18:20
  the
• 18:21
  Rocky
• 18:21
  drink
• 18:21
  them
• 18:22
  out
• 18:22
  of
• 18:22
  the
• 18:22
  glass
• 18:22
  in
• 18:22
  the
• 18:23
  morning.
• 18:23
  Right.
• 18:25
  I
• 18:25
  love
• 18:25
  raw
• 18:25
  eggs.
• 18:26
  That's
• 18:26
  her.
• 18:26
  That's
• 18:26
  my
• 18:27
  favorite.
• 18:27
  No,
• 18:27
  she
• 18:27
  didn't.
• 18:30
  No.
• 18:30
  But,
• 18:31
  you
• 18:31
  know,
• 18:31
  it's
• 18:32
  a
• 18:32
  cheesy
• 18:32
  example,
• 18:33
  but
• 18:34
  it
• 18:34
  does
• 18:34
  illustrate
• 18:35
  that.
• 18:36
  To
• 18:36
  your
• 18:37
  point,
• 18:37
  Rios,
• 18:38
  the
• 18:38
  two
• 18:38
  has
• 18:38
  to
• 18:39
  say,
• 18:39
  no,
• 18:39
  wait
• 18:39
  a
• 18:39
  minute.
• 18:39
  I
• 18:40
  need
• 18:40
  to
• 18:40
  find
• 18:40
  out
• 18:40
  what
• 18:41
  I
• 18:41
  like
• 18:41
  I
• 18:41
  need
• 18:42
  to
• 18:42
  find
• 18:42
  out
• 18:42
  what
• 18:42
  I
• 18:43
  need.
• 18:43
  I
• 18:44
  need
• 18:44
  to
• 18:44
  find
• 18:44
  out
• 18:44
  who
• 18:46
  and
• 18:46
  then
• 18:46
  feel
• 18:47
  comfortable
• 18:47
  asserting
• 18:48
  that
• 18:49
  and
• 18:49
  realize
• 18:50
  that
• 18:50
  just
• 18:51
  because
• 18:51
  I'm
• 18:51
  standing
• 18:52
  up
• 18:52
  for
• 18:52
  what
• 18:52
  I
• 18:52
  want
• 18:53
  doesn't
• 18:53
  mean
• 18:54
  I'm
• 18:54
  going
• 18:54
  to
• 18:54
  necessarily
• 18:55
  lose
• 18:55
  connection.
• 18:57
  In
• 18:57
  fact,
• 18:58
  it
• 18:58
  makes
• 18:58
  better
• 18:59
  connections
• 19:00
  because
• 19:00
  now
• 19:00
  you're
• 19:01
  connected
• 19:01
  with
• 19:01
  the
• 19:01
  real
• 19:02
  me
• 19:02
  instead
• 19:03
  of
• 19:03
  the
• 19:03
  fake
• 19:04
  me
• 19:04
  that
• 19:04
  pretends
• 19:04
  not
• 19:05
  to
• 19:05
  have
• 19:05
  needs
• 19:05
  or
• 19:06
  pretends
• 19:06
  to
• 19:07
  like
• 19:07
  a
• 19:07
  kind
• 19:07
  of
• 19:07
  egg
• 19:07
  that
• 19:08
  I
• 19:08
  don't
• 19:08
  like.
• 19:09
  Yeah.
• 19:09
  And
• 19:09
  it's
• 19:10
  not
• 19:10
  only
• 19:10
  the
• 19:11
  fake
• 19:11
  needs,
• 19:11
  but
• 19:14
  so
• 19:14
  when
• 19:14
  I'm
• 19:14
  not
• 19:14
  expecting
• 19:15
  someone
• 19:15
  else
• 19:15
  to
• 19:16
  take
• 19:16
  care
• 19:16
  of
• 19:16
  my
• 19:16
  needs,
• 19:17
  to
• 19:17
  first
• 19:17
  of
• 19:18
  all
• 19:18
  figure
• 19:18
  them
• 19:18
  out
• 19:19
  and
• 19:20
  then
• 19:20
  satisfying
• 19:21
  them,
• 19:22
  you
• 19:22
  should
• 19:22
  know
• 19:22
  what
• 19:23
  I
• 19:23
  want.
• 19:23
  Yeah,
• 19:24
  of
• 19:24
  course.
• 19:24
  I'm
• 19:25
  guessing
• 19:25
  yours.
• 19:25
  You
• 19:26
  should
• 19:26
  guess
• 19:26
  mine.
• 19:30
  I
• 19:30
  do
• 19:30
  not
• 19:30
  become
• 19:31
  demanding,
• 19:31
  which
• 19:32
  is
• 19:32
  the
• 19:33
  kind
• 19:33
  of
• 19:34
  blind
• 19:34
  spot
• 19:35
  of
• 19:35
  the
• 19:35
  two.
• 19:36
  I
• 19:36
  kind
• 19:37
  of
• 19:37
  expect
• 19:37
  people
• 19:38
  to
• 19:38
  take
• 19:39
  care
• 19:39
  of
• 19:39
  me
• 19:39
  just
• 19:39
  as
• 19:40
  I
• 19:40
  take
• 19:40
  care
• 19:40
  of
• 19:41
  other
• 19:41
  people
• 19:42
  and
• 19:44
  make
• 19:44
  them
• 19:45
  feel
• 19:45
  and
• 19:45
  pay
• 19:46
  for
• 19:46
  it.
• 19:47
  And
• 19:48
  it's
• 19:48
  not
• 19:49
  something
• 19:49
  that
• 19:49
  I
• 19:49
  want
• 19:50
  to
• 19:50
  do
• 19:50
  or
• 19:50
  decide
• 19:51
  to
• 19:51
  do.
• 19:51
  It's
• 19:52
  just
• 19:52
  what
• 19:52
  happens
• 19:54
  if
• 19:54
  I
• 19:54
  take
• 19:54
  care
• 19:54
  of
• 19:55
  my
• 19:55
  own
• 19:55
  needs.
• 19:56
  Then
• 19:58
  we
• 19:58
  have
• 19:58
  a
• 19:58
  healthier,
• 19:59
  more
• 19:59
  mature
• 20:00
  relationship.
• 20:01
  We're
• 20:01
  not
• 20:01
  guessing
• 20:04
  or
• 20:04
  making
• 20:04
  somebody
• 20:05
  else
• 20:05
  guess.
• 20:05
  We're
• 20:06
  just
• 20:06
  saying
• 20:07
  what
• 20:07
  we
• 20:07
  want.
• 20:08
  Yeah.
• 20:10
  So
• 20:10
  we
• 20:10
  mentioned
• 20:11
  it
• 20:11
  a
• 20:11
  few
• 20:12
  times.
• 20:12
  Different
• 20:12
  ones,
• 20:13
  but
• 20:13
  like
• 20:13
  strengths
• 20:13
  and
• 20:14
  weaknesses
• 20:14
  that
• 20:15
  you've
• 20:15
  found
• 20:15
  when
• 20:16
  coaching
• 20:16
  twos
• 20:16
  that
• 20:17
  you
• 20:17
  tend
• 20:17
  to
• 20:18
  end
• 20:19
  up
• 20:19
  focusing
• 20:19
  on.
• 20:21
  So
• 20:21
  I.
• 20:22
  I
• 20:22
  encounter
• 20:23
  a
• 20:23
  couple
• 20:24
  of
• 20:24
  things.
• 20:25
  So
• 20:25
  the
• 20:25
  boundary
• 20:26
  issue
• 20:26
  is.
• 20:27
  Is
• 20:27
  a
• 20:27
  big
• 20:27
  one.
• 20:27
  Right.
• 20:28
  Either
• 20:29
  not
• 20:29
  setting
• 20:29
  my
• 20:29
  own
• 20:30
  boundaries
• 20:30
  or
• 20:30
  not
• 20:30
  respecting
• 20:31
  other
• 20:31
  people's
• 20:32
  boundaries.
• 20:33
  The
• 20:33
  other
• 20:33
  thing
• 20:34
  is
• 20:35
  emotionality,
• 20:37
  particularly
• 20:38
  in
• 20:38
  the
• 20:38
  corporate
• 20:39
  world,
• 20:40
  it's
• 20:41
  not
• 20:41
  a
• 20:41
  place
• 20:42
  in
• 20:42
  general
• 20:43
  where
• 20:43
  emotionality
• 20:44
  is
• 20:44
  really
• 20:45
  embraced.
• 20:46
  So,
• 20:46
  you
• 20:47
  know,
• 20:47
  you
• 20:47
  kind
• 20:47
  of
• 20:47
  have
• 20:47
  to
• 20:47
  be
• 20:48
  a
• 20:48
  bit
• 20:48
  more
• 20:48
  objective,
• 20:49
  bit
• 20:50
  more
• 20:51
  self
• 20:51
  controlled.
• 20:52
  And
• 20:52
  I
• 20:52
  have
• 20:53
  seen
• 20:53
  twos
• 20:53
  really
• 20:54
  struggle
• 20:54
  with,
• 20:57
  you
• 20:58
  know,
• 20:58
  feeling
• 20:59
  their
• 20:59
  feelings
• 20:59
  in
• 20:59
  public.
• 21:00
  Right.
• 21:01
  And,
• 21:01
  you
• 21:01
  know,
• 21:02
  and
• 21:02
  that
• 21:02
  can,
• 21:02
  even
• 21:03
  though,
• 21:04
  you
• 21:04
  know,
• 21:04
  as
• 21:04
  a
• 21:05
  society
• 21:05
  we
• 21:06
  want
• 21:06
  to
• 21:06
  see
• 21:07
  people
• 21:07
  doing
• 21:07
  that,
• 21:08
  but
• 21:09
  in
• 21:10
  certain
• 21:10
  environments,
• 21:11
  it
• 21:11
  can
• 21:11
  give
• 21:11
  the
• 21:12
  implication
• 21:12
  that
• 21:12
  they
• 21:13
  lack
• 21:13
  control.
• 21:14
  Right.
• 21:14
  That
• 21:14
  they
• 21:15
  lack
• 21:15
  strength
• 21:16
  and
• 21:16
  seriousness,
• 21:17
  which
• 21:17
  is
• 21:17
  not
• 21:18
  really
• 21:18
  true.
• 21:19
  Just
• 21:19
  because
• 21:20
  they're
• 21:20
  emotional.
• 21:21
  Yeah.
• 21:21
  I
• 21:21
  just
• 21:21
  want
• 21:22
  to
• 21:22
  be
• 21:22
  clear
• 21:22
  that
• 21:22
  it
• 21:23
  doesn't
• 21:23
  mean
• 21:24
  that
• 21:24
  everything
• 21:24
  is
• 21:25
  rational
• 21:25
  and
• 21:25
  we
• 21:26
  cannot
• 21:26
  be
• 21:26
  emotional.
• 21:27
  I
• 21:27
  think
• 21:27
  that
• 21:28
  what
• 21:28
  we're
• 21:28
  talking
• 21:28
  about
• 21:29
  here
• 21:29
  is
• 21:30
  a
• 21:30
  more
• 21:31
  histrionic
• 21:32
  way
• 21:32
  of
• 21:32
  showing
• 21:33
  emotions.
• 21:34
  It's
• 21:34
  kind
• 21:35
  of
• 21:35
  acting
• 21:35
  out
• 21:36
  more,
• 21:37
  which
• 21:38
  sends
• 21:38
  the
• 21:38
  message
• 21:39
  that
• 21:39
  they're
• 21:39
  not
• 21:40
  in
• 21:40
  control.
• 21:41
  There's
• 21:42
  nothing
• 21:43
  wrong
• 21:43
  with
• 21:44
  sharing
• 21:45
  your
• 21:45
  emotions,
• 21:48
  but
• 21:48
  here
• 21:48
  it's
• 21:49
  more
• 21:50
  acting
• 21:51
  out
• 21:51
  or
• 21:51
  in
• 21:52
  a
• 21:52
  more
• 21:52
  histrionic
• 21:53
  way.
• 21:54
  And
• 21:55
  I
• 21:56
  will
• 21:56
  say
• 21:56
  that
• 21:57
  again,
• 21:57
  it
• 21:57
  depends
• 21:58
  on
• 21:58
  the
• 21:59
  emotions.
• 21:59
  I
• 21:59
  mean,
• 21:59
  I.
• 21:59
  I
• 22:00
  remember
• 22:00
  years
• 22:00
  ago
• 22:01
  having
• 22:01
  a
• 22:01
  client
• 22:01
  who
• 22:01
  was
• 22:02
  a
• 22:02
  very
• 22:02
  senior
• 22:03
  leader,
• 22:03
  and
• 22:03
  she
• 22:04
  was,
• 22:04
  you
• 22:04
  know,
• 22:05
  on
• 22:05
  the,
• 22:07
  you
• 22:07
  know,
• 22:07
  the.
• 22:08
  The
• 22:08
  leadership
• 22:08
  team
• 22:08
  of
• 22:09
  a
• 22:09
  business
• 22:09
  unit.
• 22:10
  And
• 22:11
  she
• 22:11
  would
• 22:11
  cry
• 22:12
  about
• 22:12
  things.
• 22:12
  Right.
• 22:13
  She
• 22:13
  would
• 22:13
  cry
• 22:14
  in
• 22:14
  their
• 22:15
  staff
• 22:15
  meetings
• 22:16
  when
• 22:16
  things
• 22:17
  got
• 22:17
  emotional.
• 22:18
  And
• 22:18
  it
• 22:19
  just
• 22:19
  made
• 22:19
  everybody
• 22:20
  really,
• 22:20
  really
• 22:20
  uncomfortable,
• 22:21
  you
• 22:21
  know,
• 22:21
  because,
• 22:22
  you
• 22:22
  know,
• 22:22
  particularly
• 22:23
  the
• 22:23
  men
• 22:24
  would
• 22:24
  say,
• 22:24
  I
• 22:24
  don't.
• 22:25
  I
• 22:25
  don't
• 22:25
  know
• 22:25
  how
• 22:25
  to
• 22:25
  talk
• 22:26
  to
• 22:26
  somebody
• 22:26
  when
• 22:27
  they're
• 22:27
  crying
• 22:27
  in
• 22:27
  the
• 22:27
  board
• 22:28
  meeting.
• 22:28
  Right.
• 22:28
  Kind
• 22:28
  of
• 22:29
  thing.
• 22:29
  And
• 22:29
  she
• 22:29
  was
• 22:30
  very,
• 22:30
  very
• 22:31
  good.
• 22:31
  She
• 22:32
  was
• 22:32
  very
• 22:32
  hard
• 22:33
  working,
• 22:33
  very
• 22:34
  aggressive.
• 22:34
  She
• 22:35
  was
• 22:35
  really,
• 22:35
  really
• 22:36
  good
• 22:36
  at
• 22:36
  her
• 22:36
  work.
• 22:37
  And
• 22:37
  this
• 22:38
  tendency
• 22:38
  to.
• 22:39
  To
• 22:40
  slip
• 22:40
  down
• 22:40
  into
• 22:41
  emotion
• 22:41
  in
• 22:42
  that
• 22:42
  situation
• 22:45
  really
• 22:45
  hurt
• 22:46
  her.
• 22:47
  So,
• 22:47
  again,
• 22:47
  we're
• 22:48
  not
• 22:48
  suggesting.
• 22:49
  Don't
• 22:49
  shed
• 22:50
  a
• 22:50
  tear
• 22:50
  when
• 22:50
  you're
• 22:51
  sad.
• 22:51
  You
• 22:51
  know,
• 22:51
  that's.
• 22:52
  We
• 22:53
  want
• 22:53
  to
• 22:53
  develop
• 22:54
  emotional
• 22:54
  intelligence
• 22:55
  and
• 22:55
  express
• 22:56
  our
• 22:56
  emotions,
• 22:57
  but
• 22:57
  it
• 22:57
  is
• 22:57
  something
• 22:58
  that
• 22:58
  can
• 22:58
  hurt
• 22:58
  them.
• 23:00
  Part
• 23:01
  of
• 23:01
  emotional
• 23:01
  intelligence
• 23:02
  is
• 23:02
  understanding
• 23:03
  the
• 23:03
  context
• 23:03
  that
• 23:04
  one
• 23:04
  can
• 23:04
  express.
• 23:06
  Yeah,
• 23:06
  yeah.
• 23:07
  So
• 23:08
  something
• 23:08
  else
• 23:08
  that
• 23:08
  we've
• 23:09
  seen
• 23:09
  is
• 23:09
  that
• 23:09
  sometimes
• 23:10
  they
• 23:11
  tend
• 23:11
  to
• 23:12
  take
• 23:12
  the
• 23:12
  support
• 23:12
  role
• 23:13
  and
• 23:13
  have
• 23:14
  a
• 23:14
  hard
• 23:14
  time
• 23:14
  leading
• 23:15
  or
• 23:15
  taking
• 23:16
  more
• 23:17
  exposed
• 23:18
  leadership
• 23:19
  positions.
• 23:20
  It's
• 23:21
  just
• 23:21
  easier
• 23:21
  to
• 23:22
  be
• 23:22
  the
• 23:22
  one
• 23:22
  helping
• 23:23
  the
• 23:23
  leader
• 23:24
  get
• 23:25
  stuff
• 23:25
  done
• 23:26
  than
• 23:26
  to
• 23:26
  be
• 23:27
  on
• 23:27
  the
• 23:27
  front
• 23:28
  row
• 23:29
  breaking
• 23:29
  eggs.
• 23:30
  You
• 23:30
  know,
• 23:32
  it
• 23:32
  just
• 23:33
  can
• 23:34
  damage
• 23:34
  connections
• 23:36
  more
• 23:36
  easily.
• 23:37
  So
• 23:37
  it's
• 23:37
  kind
• 23:37
  of
• 23:38
  safer
• 23:39
  to
• 23:40
  stay
• 23:40
  at
• 23:40
  the
• 23:40
  back
• 23:40
  and
• 23:41
  be
• 23:41
  the
• 23:41
  one
• 23:41
  who
• 23:42
  is
• 23:42
  making
• 23:43
  a
• 23:43
  particular
• 23:43
  person
• 23:43
  succeed.
• 23:45
  Yeah.
• 23:45
  And
• 23:45
  I
• 23:46
  want
• 23:46
  to
• 23:46
  be
• 23:46
  real
• 23:46
  clear
• 23:47
  to
• 23:47
  emphasize
• 23:48
  what
• 23:48
  you
• 23:48
  said
• 23:49
  there,
• 23:49
  Maria
• 23:49
  Jose.
• 23:50
  It's
• 23:50
  easier
• 23:51
  to
• 23:52
  keep
• 23:52
  connection
• 23:53
  in
• 23:54
  that
• 23:54
  situation.
• 23:55
  It's
• 23:55
  not
• 23:56
  necessarily
• 23:57
  easier
• 23:58
  to
• 23:58
  be
• 23:59
  the
• 23:59
  support
• 24:00
  person.
• 24:01
  Right.
• 24:02
  We're
• 24:02
  not
• 24:02
  suggesting
• 24:03
  that
• 24:03
  twos
• 24:04
  don't,
• 24:04
  you
• 24:05
  know,
• 24:05
  and
• 24:05
  we're
• 24:06
  not
• 24:06
  suggesting
• 24:06
  that
• 24:07
  twos
• 24:07
  never
• 24:07
  take
• 24:07
  the
• 24:08
  lead.
• 24:08
  Okay.
• 24:08
  And
• 24:09
  never
• 24:09
  take,
• 24:10
  you
• 24:10
  know,
• 24:10
  the.
• 24:11
  The
• 24:11
  chair,
• 24:11
  the
• 24:11
  head
• 24:12
  of
• 24:12
  the
• 24:12
  table,
• 24:12
  you
• 24:12
  know,
• 24:13
  so
• 24:13
  to
• 24:13
  speak.
• 24:14
  They
• 24:15
  do,
• 24:15
  but
• 24:16
  they
• 24:17
  can
• 24:17
  have
• 24:17
  this
• 24:17
  reluctance
• 24:18
  to
• 24:18
  do
• 24:18
  so
• 24:19
  to
• 24:19
  their
• 24:19
  own
• 24:20
  detriment,
• 24:21
  because
• 24:22
  I
• 24:23
  find
• 24:23
  it
• 24:24
  easier
• 24:24
  to
• 24:24
  stay
• 24:25
  connected,
• 24:25
  and
• 24:26
  it
• 24:26
  fits
• 24:26
  my
• 24:27
  identity
• 24:27
  as
• 24:28
  being
• 24:28
  helpful
• 24:29
  by
• 24:30
  being
• 24:30
  this
• 24:30
  supporter.
• 24:31
  So
• 24:31
  often
• 24:32
  they're
• 24:32
  kind
• 24:32
  of
• 24:32
  the
• 24:32
  power
• 24:33
  behind
• 24:33
  the
• 24:34
  throne,
• 24:34
  in
• 24:35
  a
• 24:35
  sense.
• 24:36
  Right.
• 24:36
  Which
• 24:36
  is,
• 24:36
  again,
• 24:37
  is
• 24:37
  hard
• 24:37
  work,
• 24:38
  and
• 24:38
  it
• 24:38
  can
• 24:38
  be
• 24:39
  a
• 24:39
  way
• 24:39
  of
• 24:39
  influencing,
• 24:41
  but
• 24:41
  it
• 24:41
  doesn't
• 24:42
  get
• 24:42
  recognized.
• 24:43
  And
• 24:43
  then
• 24:43
  they
• 24:43
  can
• 24:43
  get
• 24:44
  frustrated
• 24:44
  that
• 24:44
  I'm
• 24:45
  not
• 24:45
  being
• 24:45
  recognized,
• 24:46
  even
• 24:46
  though
• 24:47
  I
• 24:47
  chose
• 24:47
  to
• 24:47
  put
• 24:48
  myself
• 24:48
  here.
• 24:49
  So
• 24:50
  working
• 24:50
  through
• 24:52
  what
• 24:52
  do
• 24:52
  I
• 24:52
  really
• 24:52
  want
• 24:53
  here?
• 24:53
  Do
• 24:53
  I
• 24:53
  want
• 24:54
  to
• 24:54
  be
• 24:54
  that
• 24:54
  person
• 24:55
  who's
• 24:55
  in
• 24:56
  the,
• 24:56
  you
• 24:56
  know,
• 24:56
  in
• 24:56
  the
• 24:57
  big
• 24:57
  chair?
• 24:58
  And
• 24:58
  if
• 24:59
  so,
• 24:59
  how
• 24:59
  do
• 25:00
  I
• 25:00
  deal
• 25:00
  with
• 25:00
  this
• 25:01
  resistance
• 25:02
  that
• 25:02
  I'm
• 25:02
  feeling
• 25:03
  and
• 25:03
  doing
• 25:03
  it?
• 25:04
  Or
• 25:04
  do
• 25:04
  I
• 25:04
  really
• 25:05
  want
• 25:05
  to
• 25:05
  be
• 25:06
  the
• 25:06
  person
• 25:07
  behind
• 25:07
  the
• 25:08
  person
• 25:08
  in
• 25:08
  the
• 25:08
  big
• 25:08
  chair.
• 25:09
  And
• 25:10
  then
• 25:11
  let
• 25:11
  me
• 25:11
  deal
• 25:11
  with
• 25:12
  my
• 25:12
  frustration
• 25:12
  when
• 25:13
  I
• 25:13
  start
• 25:13
  to
• 25:13
  feel
• 25:14
  it
• 25:14
  that
• 25:14
  I'm
• 25:14
  not
• 25:14
  getting
• 25:15
  the
• 25:15
  recognition
• 25:15
  I
• 25:16
  deserve.
• 25:17
  And
• 25:18
  that
• 25:19
  sounds
• 25:19
  very
• 25:20
  familiar.
• 25:20
  It
• 25:20
  almost
• 25:21
  sounds
• 25:21
  like
• 25:21
  the
• 25:21
  awareness
• 25:21
  to
• 25:22
  action
• 25:22
  process.
• 25:23
  It
• 25:23
  does
• 25:24
  sound
• 25:24
  like
• 25:24
  that.
• 25:24
  Yeah.
• 25:25
  So,
• 25:25
  boy,
• 25:26
  that's
• 25:27
  an
• 25:27
  ebullience
• 25:28
  segue
• 25:28
  there,
• 25:28
  Greek.
• 25:29
  Hey,.
• 25:31
  So
• 25:32
  talk
• 25:32
  to
• 25:32
  me
• 25:32
  about.
• 25:33
  For.
• 25:33
  For
• 25:34
  this.
• 25:34
  For
• 25:34
  that
• 25:35
  particular
• 25:35
  client
• 25:36
  that
• 25:36
  was
• 25:37
  crying
• 25:37
  in
• 25:37
  the
• 25:38
  boardroom.
• 25:38
  What
• 25:39
  was
• 25:39
  the.
• 25:39
  What
• 25:40
  was
• 25:40
  the
• 25:40
  process?
• 25:40
  What
• 25:41
  was
• 25:41
  the
• 25:41
  awareness
• 25:41
  to
• 25:41
  action
• 25:41
  process?
• 25:43
  Shut.
• 25:43
  Stop
• 25:44
  it.
• 25:46
  Quit
• 25:46
  being
• 25:46
  a
• 25:47
  baby.
• 25:58
  So
• 25:59
  it's
• 26:01
  what
• 26:01
  it
• 26:02
  came
• 26:02
  down
• 26:02
  to
• 26:03
  was
• 26:04
  what
• 26:05
  it
• 26:05
  is
• 26:05
  exploring
• 26:06
  what
• 26:06
  it
• 26:06
  was
• 26:06
  that
• 26:07
  she
• 26:07
  was
• 26:07
  feeling
• 26:07
  frustrated
• 26:08
  about.
• 26:09
  A
• 26:09
  lot
• 26:09
  of
• 26:10
  what
• 26:10
  she
• 26:10
  was
• 26:10
  feeling
• 26:10
  frustrated
• 26:11
  about
• 26:12
  is
• 26:12
  that
• 26:12
  she
• 26:12
  didn't
• 26:13
  feel
• 26:13
  that
• 26:13
  she
• 26:13
  and
• 26:13
  her
• 26:14
  team
• 26:14
  were
• 26:15
  being
• 26:15
  recognized,
• 26:16
  that
• 26:17
  they
• 26:17
  were
• 26:17
  not
• 26:18
  seen
• 26:18
  as
• 26:18
  important.
• 26:19
  And.
• 26:20
  And
• 26:20
  so
• 26:21
  her,
• 26:23
  you
• 26:23
  know,
• 26:23
  when
• 26:23
  she
• 26:23
  did
• 26:23
  grow,
• 26:23
  I
• 26:24
  mean,
• 26:24
  it's
• 26:24
  not
• 26:24
  like
• 26:24
  she
• 26:24
  did
• 26:24
  it
• 26:24
  all
• 26:25
  the
• 26:25
  time,
• 26:25
  right?
• 26:25
  But
• 26:25
  when
• 26:26
  she
• 26:26
  did,
• 26:27
  it
• 26:27
  was
• 26:27
  growing
• 26:28
  out
• 26:28
  of
• 26:28
  frustration
• 26:30
  of
• 26:31
  her
• 26:31
  people
• 26:31
  not
• 26:31
  being
• 26:32
  recognized.
• 26:33
  So
• 26:33
  we
• 26:33
  worked
• 26:34
  on
• 26:34
  building
• 26:35
  their
• 26:35
  reputation,
• 26:36
  right?
• 26:36
  You
• 26:37
  know,
• 26:37
  ensuring
• 26:37
  that
• 26:38
  people
• 26:38
  knew
• 26:38
  what
• 26:39
  they
• 26:39
  were
• 26:40
  accomplishing,
• 26:41
  being
• 26:41
  sure
• 26:42
  that
• 26:42
  people
• 26:43
  understood
• 26:43
  why
• 26:44
  they
• 26:44
  were
• 26:44
  important,
• 26:45
  that
• 26:45
  sort
• 26:45
  of
• 26:45
  thing.
• 26:46
  So
• 26:46
  it
• 26:46
  wasn't
• 26:46
  so
• 26:47
  much
• 26:47
  about,
• 26:48
  hey,
• 26:48
  you
• 26:48
  just
• 26:48
  gotta
• 26:48
  stop
• 26:48
  crying.
• 26:49
  Right.
• 26:50
  But
• 26:50
  what
• 26:50
  are
• 26:50
  some
• 26:51
  of
• 26:51
  the
• 26:51
  things
• 26:51
  that
• 26:51
  bring
• 26:52
  this
• 26:52
  out
• 26:52
  in
• 26:52
  you?
• 26:53
  Because
• 26:55
  the
• 26:55
  reason
• 26:55
  people
• 26:56
  will,
• 26:57
  in
• 26:57
  this
• 26:57
  sort
• 26:58
  of
• 26:58
  situations,
• 26:59
  have
• 26:59
  that
• 26:59
  kind
• 27:00
  of
• 27:00
  reaction.
• 27:00
  Look,
• 27:01
  some
• 27:01
  people
• 27:01
  just
• 27:02
  cry
• 27:02
  for
• 27:02
  whatever
• 27:02
  reason,
• 27:03
  right?
• 27:03
  But
• 27:03
  for
• 27:04
  her,
• 27:04
  it
• 27:05
  was
• 27:05
  this
• 27:05
  frustration
• 27:07
  of
• 27:07
  not
• 27:07
  getting
• 27:08
  my
• 27:08
  point
• 27:08
  across
• 27:09
  and
• 27:09
  not
• 27:09
  knowing
• 27:10
  what
• 27:10
  to
• 27:10
  do
• 27:10
  about
• 27:11
  it.
• 27:11
  And
• 27:12
  so
• 27:12
  by
• 27:12
  figuring
• 27:13
  out
• 27:13
  how
• 27:13
  to
• 27:14
  get
• 27:14
  her
• 27:14
  back,
• 27:14
  point
• 27:14
  about
• 27:15
  and
• 27:15
  know
• 27:15
  what
• 27:15
  to
• 27:15
  do,
• 27:16
  it
• 27:16
  minimized
• 27:17
  the
• 27:17
  crying.
• 27:18
  Yeah.
• 27:19
  So
• 27:19
  it
• 27:19
  wasn't
• 27:19
  so
• 27:20
  much
• 27:20
  about
• 27:20
  connection
• 27:20
  in
• 27:21
  that
• 27:21
  case.
• 27:21
  Right.
• 27:22
  So,
• 27:22
  you
• 27:22
  know,
• 27:22
  usually
• 27:23
  what
• 27:23
  we
• 27:23
  look
• 27:23
  at
• 27:24
  with
• 27:24
  the
• 27:24
  awareness
• 27:24
  to
• 27:24
  action
• 27:25
  process
• 27:25
  is,
• 27:27
  you
• 27:28
  know,
• 27:28
  for
• 27:28
  example,
• 27:28
  it's.
• 27:29
  It's
• 27:29
  a
• 27:29
  lot.
• 27:30
  It's
• 27:30
  a
• 27:30
  lot
• 27:31
  more
• 27:31
  clear
• 27:32
  when
• 27:32
  it's
• 27:33
  an
• 27:33
  issue
• 27:33
  of
• 27:33
  boundaries.
• 27:34
  To
• 27:35
  work
• 27:35
  with
• 27:35
  the
• 27:35
  awareness
• 27:36
  to
• 27:36
  action
• 27:36
  process,
• 27:36
  or
• 27:37
  when
• 27:37
  people
• 27:37
  struggle
• 27:38
  with
• 27:38
  boundaries,
• 27:38
  we
• 27:39
  help
• 27:39
  them
• 27:39
  see,
• 27:40
  okay,
• 27:40
  what
• 27:40
  does
• 27:41
  healthy
• 27:41
  connection
• 27:42
  really
• 27:42
  look
• 27:42
  like?
• 27:43
  Okay.
• 27:43
  We
• 27:44
  assume
• 27:45
  that
• 27:45
  connection
• 27:46
  means,
• 27:47
  you
• 27:47
  know,
• 27:47
  I
• 27:48
  need
• 27:48
  you
• 27:48
  to
• 27:48
  need
• 27:49
  me
• 27:49
  and
• 27:49
  you
• 27:49
  need
• 27:49
  to
• 27:49
  need
• 27:50
  me
• 27:50
  back
• 27:51
  sort
• 27:51
  of
• 27:51
  thing,
• 27:52
  whereas
• 27:52
  we
• 27:52
  start
• 27:52
  to.
• 27:53
  Or
• 27:53
  that
• 27:54
  I
• 27:54
  don't
• 27:54
  have
• 27:54
  boundaries.
• 27:55
  Okay,
• 27:55
  how,
• 27:55
  you
• 27:56
  know,
• 27:56
  if
• 27:56
  I
• 27:56
  put
• 27:56
  up
• 27:56
  limitations
• 27:57
  on
• 27:58
  people
• 27:58
  and
• 27:58
  what
• 27:58
  I'll
• 27:59
  do
• 27:59
  for
• 27:59
  them
• 27:59
  and
• 27:59
  what
• 28:00
  they
• 28:00
  can
• 28:00
  expect
• 28:00
  from
• 28:01
  me,
• 28:01
  well,
• 28:01
  then
• 28:01
  I'll
• 28:02
  break
• 28:02
  that
• 28:02
  connection.
• 28:03
  Now,
• 28:04
  what
• 28:04
  happens
• 28:05
  in
• 28:05
  that
• 28:05
  situation
• 28:06
  is
• 28:06
  they
• 28:07
  get
• 28:07
  frustrated
• 28:08
  eventually.
• 28:09
  Nobody
• 28:10
  can
• 28:10
  stand
• 28:10
  to
• 28:10
  have
• 28:11
  their
• 28:11
  boundaries
• 28:11
  violated
• 28:12
  all
• 28:12
  the
• 28:12
  time,
• 28:13
  so
• 28:13
  they
• 28:13
  tend
• 28:13
  to
• 28:14
  explode.
• 28:15
  They
• 28:15
  tap
• 28:16
  into
• 28:16
  that
• 28:16
  more
• 28:16
  negative
• 28:17
  eight
• 28:17
  Stuff,
• 28:18
  and
• 28:18
  they
• 28:18
  explode.
• 28:19
  And
• 28:19
  then
• 28:19
  what
• 28:20
  they
• 28:20
  do,
• 28:21
  they
• 28:21
  sever
• 28:21
  the
• 28:22
  connection
• 28:22
  that
• 28:23
  they're
• 28:23
  working
• 28:23
  so
• 28:24
  desperately
• 28:25
  to
• 28:25
  maintain.
• 28:26
  So
• 28:26
  in
• 28:26
  that
• 28:27
  case,
• 28:27
  the
• 28:27
  awareness
• 28:27
  to
• 28:27
  action
• 28:28
  process
• 28:28
  is
• 28:29
  I'll
• 28:29
  have
• 28:29
  better
• 28:30
  connection
• 28:30
  to
• 28:30
  people
• 28:31
  if
• 28:32
  I
• 28:32
  have
• 28:33
  better
• 28:33
  and
• 28:33
  more
• 28:34
  mature
• 28:34
  boundaries
• 28:35
  that
• 28:35
  I
• 28:35
  am
• 28:36
  constantly
• 28:36
  monitoring
• 28:37
  and
• 28:38
  constantly
• 28:38
  adjusting
• 28:39
  in
• 28:40
  order
• 28:40
  for
• 28:40
  the
• 28:41
  circumstances.
• 28:42
  Yeah,
• 28:43
  I.
• 28:43
  I
• 28:43
  mean,
• 28:44
  I
• 28:44
  could
• 28:44
  see.
• 28:44
  And
• 28:44
  maybe
• 28:45
  this
• 28:45
  wasn't
• 28:46
  how
• 28:46
  the
• 28:46
  situation
• 28:47
  went,
• 28:47
  but
• 28:48
  I
• 28:49
  do.
• 28:50
  Twos
• 28:50
  are
• 28:51
  big
• 28:51
  advocates
• 28:52
  for.
• 28:53
  I
• 28:53
  mean,
• 28:53
  those
• 28:53
  underneath
• 28:54
  them.
• 28:54
  And
• 28:54
  I
• 28:54
  could
• 28:55
  see,
• 28:55
  like,
• 28:56
  you
• 28:56
  guys
• 28:56
  deserve,
• 28:57
  like,
• 28:58
  I
• 28:58
  feel
• 28:58
  con.
• 28:58
  My
• 28:59
  connection
• 28:59
  is
• 28:59
  threatened
• 29:00
  because
• 29:00
  you
• 29:00
  guys
• 29:00
  deserve
• 29:02
  to
• 29:02
  be
• 29:02
  seen
• 29:02
  and
• 29:03
  valued
• 29:03
  for
• 29:03
  what
• 29:03
  you
• 29:04
  do.
• 29:05
  And
• 29:05
  that's
• 29:05
  frustrating.
• 29:06
  So,
• 29:06
  I
• 29:06
  mean,
• 29:06
  like,
• 29:06
  maybe
• 29:07
  that's
• 29:07
  not
• 29:07
  what
• 29:07
  was
• 29:08
  happening,
• 29:08
  but.
• 29:09
  Yeah.
• 29:10
  Yeah.
• 29:11
  Well,
• 29:11
  should
• 29:11
  have
• 29:12
  been
• 29:12
  better
• 29:12
  off
• 29:12
  with
• 29:12
  you
• 29:12
  as
• 29:12
  a
• 29:13
  coach
• 29:13
  in
• 29:13
  that
• 29:13
  situation,.
• 29:13
  I
• 29:14
  was
• 29:14
  gonna
• 29:14
  say,
• 29:15
  but.
• 29:21
  All
• 29:21
  right,
• 29:21
  so
• 29:22
  let's.
• 29:22
  Let's
• 29:22
  keep
• 29:22
  moving
• 29:23
  here.
• 29:24
  The
• 29:24
  accelerator.
• 29:28
  Sometimes
• 29:29
  it's
• 29:29
  very
• 29:29
  evident
• 29:30
  when
• 29:32
  what
• 29:32
  Mario
• 29:33
  was
• 29:33
  saying
• 29:33
  happens.
• 29:34
  It's
• 29:34
  like
• 29:36
  I
• 29:36
  don't
• 29:37
  assert
• 29:38
  my
• 29:38
  boundaries,
• 29:39
  and
• 29:39
  then
• 29:39
  I
• 29:39
  explode
• 29:41
  and
• 29:41
  that
• 29:42
  connection
• 29:42
  is
• 29:43
  over.
• 29:44
  Sometimes
• 29:44
  it's
• 29:45
  a
• 29:45
  lot
• 29:45
  more.
• 29:45
  It's
• 29:46
  more
• 29:46
  subtle,
• 29:47
  and
• 29:47
  I
• 29:48
  kind
• 29:48
  of
• 29:48
  start
• 29:49
  avoiding
• 29:49
  people,
• 29:50
  or
• 29:50
  I
• 29:52
  kind
• 29:52
  of
• 29:52
  pull
• 29:53
  away
• 29:55
  so
• 29:55
  it's
• 29:55
  less
• 29:55
  perceptible,
• 29:57
  the
• 29:57
  loss
• 29:57
  of.
• 29:57
  In
• 29:58
  connection.
• 29:59
  But
• 29:59
  when
• 29:59
  they
• 29:59
  see
• 30:00
  it,
• 30:00
  they
• 30:00
  realize,
• 30:01
  huh,
• 30:02
  so
• 30:03
  I'm
• 30:03
  not
• 30:04
  taking
• 30:04
  care
• 30:04
  of
• 30:05
  my
• 30:05
  boundaries,
• 30:05
  but
• 30:06
  then.
• 30:06
  Because
• 30:06
  I
• 30:07
  want
• 30:07
  to
• 30:07
  take
• 30:07
  care
• 30:08
  of
• 30:08
  the
• 30:08
  connection.
• 30:09
  But
• 30:09
  now
• 30:11
  I
• 30:11
  am
• 30:12
  getting
• 30:12
  away
• 30:12
  from
• 30:12
  this
• 30:13
  person
• 30:13
  because
• 30:13
  I
• 30:13
  don't
• 30:14
  want
• 30:14
  to
• 30:14
  be
• 30:14
  around
• 30:14
  people
• 30:15
  like
• 30:16
  this
• 30:16
  or
• 30:17
  people
• 30:17
  who
• 30:17
  do
• 30:17
  that,
• 30:19
  or
• 30:19
  I
• 30:19
  don't
• 30:19
  want
• 30:19
  to
• 30:20
  be
• 30:20
  exposed
• 30:20
  to
• 30:20
  this.
• 30:21
  So
• 30:22
  it's
• 30:22
  both
• 30:23
  things.
• 30:23
  I
• 30:24
  can
• 30:24
  just
• 30:25
  finish
• 30:26
  or
• 30:27
  seize
• 30:27
  the
• 30:27
  connection,
• 30:28
  or
• 30:28
  I
• 30:29
  can
• 30:29
  just
• 30:29
  pull
• 30:29
  away.
• 30:30
  And
• 30:32
  they
• 30:32
  don't
• 30:33
  realize
• 30:33
  that
• 30:33
  they
• 30:33
  are
• 30:34
  doing
• 30:34
  that.
• 30:35
  In
• 30:35
  order
• 30:35
  to
• 30:35
  stay
• 30:36
  connected,
• 30:39
  I
• 30:39
  need
• 30:39
  to
• 30:39
  set
• 30:40
  some
• 30:40
  boundaries.
• 30:44
  Yeah,
• 30:44
  so
• 30:45
  we
• 30:45
  have.
• 30:46
  We.
• 30:48
  You
• 30:48
  all
• 30:48
  have
• 30:49
  accelerators
• 30:51
  for
• 30:51
  each
• 30:51
  point
• 30:51
  in
• 30:51
  the
• 30:52
  Enneagram.
• 30:52
  So
• 30:52
  what
• 30:52
  would
• 30:53
  be
• 30:53
  the
• 30:53
  accelerator
• 30:53
  for
• 30:53
  point
• 30:54
  two?
• 30:56
  It's
• 30:56
  cognitive
• 30:56
  empathy.
• 31:00
  So
• 31:01
  twos
• 31:02
  have
• 31:03
  a
• 31:03
  natural
• 31:05
  tendency
• 31:07
  to
• 31:09
  feel
• 31:10
  empathy,
• 31:11
  but
• 31:12
  many
• 31:12
  times
• 31:12
  they're
• 31:12
  just
• 31:13
  projecting
• 31:13
  what
• 31:13
  they
• 31:14
  think
• 31:14
  you
• 31:14
  need
• 31:15
  instead
• 31:15
  of
• 31:17
  really
• 31:17
  noticing
• 31:18
  or
• 31:18
  understanding
• 31:19
  what
• 31:19
  the
• 31:19
  other
• 31:20
  person
• 31:20
  truly
• 31:21
  needs.
• 31:24
  So
• 31:24
  the
• 31:25
  exercise
• 31:26
  here,
• 31:26
  the
• 31:26
  accelerator,
• 31:27
  is
• 31:29
  just
• 31:30
  try
• 31:30
  to
• 31:30
  understand
• 31:30
  what
• 31:31
  the
• 31:31
  other
• 31:31
  person
• 31:31
  needs.
• 31:32
  You
• 31:32
  can
• 31:33
  have
• 31:33
  a
• 31:34
  really
• 31:34
  good
• 31:34
  guess,
• 31:35
  but
• 31:35
  check
• 31:36
  with
• 31:36
  the
• 31:36
  other
• 31:36
  person,
• 31:38
  confirm
• 31:38
  that
• 31:39
  that's
• 31:39
  what
• 31:39
  they
• 31:39
  truly
• 31:40
  need,
• 31:41
  and
• 31:41
  not
• 31:42
  just
• 31:43
  feel
• 31:44
  what
• 31:45
  the
• 31:45
  other
• 31:45
  person
• 31:45
  needs.
• 31:46
  You
• 31:46
  might
• 31:46
  be
• 31:46
  really
• 31:47
  wrong.
• 31:48
  You
• 31:48
  might
• 31:48
  kind
• 31:49
  of
• 31:49
  be
• 31:49
  forcing
• 31:50
  things
• 31:50
  on
• 31:50
  people
• 31:51
  that
• 31:51
  it's
• 31:51
  not
• 31:51
  what
• 31:52
  they
• 31:53
  need.
• 31:53
  And
• 31:53
  sometimes
• 31:54
  they
• 31:54
  need
• 31:55
  you
• 31:55
  to
• 31:55
  be,
• 31:56
  I
• 31:57
  don't
• 31:57
  know,
• 31:57
  stronger,
• 31:58
  or
• 32:01
  they
• 32:01
  need
• 32:02
  you
• 32:02
  to
• 32:02
  set
• 32:02
  a
• 32:03
  Boundary
• 32:03
  and
• 32:03
  not
• 32:03
  just
• 32:04
  give
• 32:04
  them
• 32:04
  everything
• 32:05
  they
• 32:05
  want.
• 32:07
  Yeah.
• 32:07
  It
• 32:08
  really
• 32:08
  is
• 32:08
  about
• 32:08
  reading,
• 32:09
  you
• 32:10
  know,
• 32:10
  with.
• 32:11
  With
• 32:12
  empathy.
• 32:12
  It's
• 32:13
  something
• 32:13
  we
• 32:13
  feel,
• 32:15
  but
• 32:15
  we
• 32:15
  can
• 32:16
  be
• 32:16
  feeling
• 32:16
  it
• 32:16
  for
• 32:16
  the
• 32:17
  wrong
• 32:17
  reasons,
• 32:18
  like
• 32:18
  Maria
• 32:18
  was
• 32:19
  a
• 32:19
  saying.
• 32:19
  And
• 32:19
  so
• 32:20
  the
• 32:20
  two
• 32:21
  has
• 32:21
  to
• 32:21
  avoid
• 32:22
  the
• 32:22
  trap
• 32:23
  of
• 32:23
  assuming
• 32:24
  that
• 32:24
  what
• 32:24
  they're
• 32:25
  feeling
• 32:26
  is
• 32:26
  an
• 32:26
  accurate
• 32:27
  reflection
• 32:27
  of
• 32:28
  the
• 32:28
  situation.
• 32:29
  So
• 32:29
  you
• 32:29
  check.
• 32:30
  Okay.
• 32:30
  You
• 32:30
  look.
• 32:31
  You
• 32:31
  look
• 32:31
  cold.
• 32:31
  Right?
• 32:32
  Are
• 32:32
  you
• 32:32
  cold?
• 32:33
  Would
• 32:33
  you
• 32:33
  like
• 32:33
  a
• 32:33
  blanket
• 32:34
  instead
• 32:34
  of.
• 32:35
  Here,
• 32:35
  take
• 32:35
  this
• 32:35
  blanket
• 32:36
  kind
• 32:36
  of
• 32:37
  thing?
• 32:38
  So,
• 32:39
  yeah,
• 32:40
  it's
• 32:40
  checking.
• 32:40
  And
• 32:41
  then
• 32:41
  we
• 32:41
  calibrate.
• 32:42
  Oh,
• 32:42
  okay.
• 32:43
  Well,
• 32:43
  Creek
• 32:43
  just
• 32:43
  looks
• 32:44
  that
• 32:44
  way
• 32:44
  sometimes.
• 32:45
  Doesn't
• 32:45
  mean
• 32:45
  he's
• 32:45
  necessarily
• 32:46
  cold.
• 32:47
  So.
• 32:50
  Yeah.
• 32:50
  Yeah.
• 32:51
  So,
• 32:51
  yeah,
• 32:51
  that's
• 32:52
  something.
• 32:52
  People
• 32:53
  stop
• 32:53
  me
• 32:53
  on
• 32:53
  the
• 32:53
  streets,
• 32:54
  actually,
• 32:54
  and.
• 32:56
  Would
• 32:56
  you
• 32:56
  like
• 32:56
  a
• 32:57
  blanket,
• 32:57
  young
• 32:57
  man?
• 32:57
  Yeah.
• 32:59
  No,
• 32:59
  that's
• 32:59
  just
• 33:00
  my
• 33:00
  soul.
• 33:00
  Thank
• 33:00
  you.
• 33:02
  All
• 33:03
  right.
• 33:03
  Any
• 33:03
  final
• 33:03
  words?
• 33:04
  So
• 33:05
  I.
• 33:05
  I
• 33:05
  think
• 33:05
  we.
• 33:05
  We
• 33:06
  always
• 33:06
  like
• 33:06
  to
• 33:06
  think
• 33:07
  about
• 33:07
  the
• 33:07
  two
• 33:07
  connecting
• 33:08
  point
• 33:10
  accelerators
• 33:11
  as
• 33:11
  well
• 33:11
  when
• 33:12
  we
• 33:12
  talk
• 33:12
  about
• 33:12
  the
• 33:12
  accelerator.
• 33:13
  So
• 33:13
  at
• 33:13
  point
• 33:14
  four,
• 33:14
  like
• 33:15
  we
• 33:15
  talked
• 33:15
  about
• 33:15
  last
• 33:16
  time,
• 33:16
  it's
• 33:16
  individuation.
• 33:17
  I'm
• 33:17
  sorry,
• 33:18
  disidentification.
• 33:19
  Okay.
• 33:20
  So
• 33:21
  with
• 33:22
  the
• 33:23
  four,
• 33:23
  it's
• 33:24
  recognizing
• 33:25
  the
• 33:25
  ways
• 33:25
  in
• 33:25
  which
• 33:25
  they
• 33:26
  compare
• 33:26
  themselves
• 33:27
  to
• 33:27
  others
• 33:27
  or
• 33:28
  they're,
• 33:29
  you
• 33:29
  know,
• 33:29
  defined
• 33:30
  by
• 33:30
  others,
• 33:30
  etc.
• 33:31
  This
• 33:32
  is
• 33:32
  also
• 33:32
  a
• 33:32
  good
• 33:32
  practice
• 33:33
  for
• 33:33
  twos.
• 33:33
  Right.
• 33:34
  Because
• 33:34
  they
• 33:34
  can
• 33:35
  often
• 33:35
  assume
• 33:36
  that
• 33:37
  my
• 33:37
  value
• 33:38
  is
• 33:38
  based
• 33:39
  on
• 33:39
  who
• 33:39
  I
• 33:39
  am
• 33:40
  connected
• 33:40
  to
• 33:40
  or
• 33:40
  who
• 33:41
  I
• 33:41
  am
• 33:42
  affiliated
• 33:42
  with
• 33:43
  or
• 33:43
  who
• 33:43
  I
• 33:43
  am
• 33:43
  a
• 33:44
  reflection
• 33:44
  of.
• 33:45
  Of.
• 33:46
  And
• 33:46
  it
• 33:47
  is
• 33:47
  a
• 33:47
  good
• 33:47
  practice
• 33:48
  for
• 33:48
  them
• 33:48
  to
• 33:48
  start
• 33:49
  saying,
• 33:49
  no,
• 33:50
  no,
• 33:50
  I
• 33:50
  don't
• 33:50
  have
• 33:51
  to
• 33:52
  be
• 33:52
  connected
• 33:52
  to
• 33:53
  somebody
• 33:53
  else
• 33:53
  to
• 33:53
  be
• 33:54
  important.
• 33:54
  I
• 33:54
  don't
• 33:55
  have
• 33:55
  to
• 33:56
  be
• 33:56
  in
• 33:56
  somebody
• 33:57
  else's
• 33:58
  shadow
• 33:58
  in
• 33:59
  order
• 33:59
  to
• 33:59
  be
• 33:59
  valuable
• 34:00
  and
• 34:00
  so
• 34:01
  forth.
• 34:01
  So
• 34:01
  recognizing
• 34:02
  that
• 34:03
  tendency
• 34:03
  to
• 34:04
  identify
• 34:05
  with
• 34:05
  other
• 34:05
  people.
• 34:06
  And
• 34:07
  at
• 34:07
  point
• 34:07
  eight,
• 34:08
  you
• 34:08
  know,
• 34:08
  we'll
• 34:09
  talk
• 34:09
  about
• 34:09
  this.
• 34:10
  I
• 34:10
  guess
• 34:10
  we're
• 34:10
  doing
• 34:11
  that
• 34:11
  next,
• 34:11
  maybe
• 34:12
  for
• 34:12
  following
• 34:12
  the
• 34:13
  lines.
• 34:13
  Right.
• 34:13
  So
• 34:14
  it's
• 34:15
  around
• 34:15
  self
• 34:15
  discipline,
• 34:16
  Learning
• 34:17
  to
• 34:17
  manage
• 34:17
  myself,
• 34:18
  learning
• 34:18
  to.
• 34:22
  To
• 34:22
  check
• 34:22
  myself,
• 34:23
  learning
• 34:23
  to
• 34:23
  practice
• 34:24
  these
• 34:24
  things
• 34:24
  that
• 34:24
  we're
• 34:25
  talking
• 34:25
  about
• 34:26
  in
• 34:26
  a
• 34:26
  disciplined
• 34:27
  way.
• 34:28
  Yeah.
• 34:28
  And
• 34:28
  that
• 34:29
  can
• 34:29
  help
• 34:29
  in
• 34:29
  things
• 34:30
  such
• 34:30
  as,
• 34:31
  I
• 34:31
  don't
• 34:31
  know,
• 34:31
  when
• 34:31
  they
• 34:32
  start
• 34:32
  worrying
• 34:32
  about
• 34:33
  everybody
• 34:33
  else's
• 34:33
  problems,
• 34:34
  for
• 34:34
  example,
• 34:35
  it's
• 34:35
  like
• 34:35
  they
• 34:36
  just
• 34:36
  need
• 34:36
  to
• 34:36
  be
• 34:36
  the
• 34:37
  ones
• 34:37
  sometimes
• 34:38
  kind
• 34:38
  of
• 34:38
  doing
• 34:39
  everything
• 34:39
  for
• 34:40
  everyone
• 34:41
  and
• 34:42
  just
• 34:42
  choosing,
• 34:43
  you
• 34:44
  know,
• 34:44
  having
• 34:44
  the
• 34:45
  self
• 34:45
  discipline
• 34:45
  to
• 34:46
  focus
• 34:46
  their
• 34:47
  efforts
• 34:47
  in
• 34:48
  some
• 34:48
  things
• 34:48
  and
• 34:49
  not
• 34:49
  just
• 34:49
  everything,
• 34:50
  because
• 34:50
  it
• 34:50
  will
• 34:51
  make
• 34:51
  me
• 34:51
  feel
• 34:51
  more
• 34:52
  connected
• 34:52
  to
• 34:52
  more
• 34:52
  people.
• 34:54
  And
• 34:55
  at
• 34:55
  the
• 34:55
  end
• 34:55
  of
• 34:55
  the
• 34:55
  day,
• 34:55
  it
• 34:56
  doesn't.
• 34:56
  But
• 34:57
  that's
• 34:57
  how
• 34:57
  it
• 34:57
  naturally
• 34:58
  feels.
• 35:00
  Yeah.
• 35:01
  Yeah.
• 35:02
  And
• 35:02
  just
• 35:02
  a
• 35:03
  reminder
• 35:03
  to
• 35:04
  everyone
• 35:04
  out
• 35:04
  there,
• 35:05
  we
• 35:05
  are
• 35:06
  on
• 35:06
  video
• 35:07
  so
• 35:07
  you
• 35:07
  can.
• 35:07
  You
• 35:07
  can
• 35:08
  watch
• 35:08
  and
• 35:08
  Save
• 35:08
  Mario's
• 35:09
  head
• 35:09
  is
• 35:09
  in
• 35:09
  line
• 35:10
  with
• 35:10
  the
• 35:10
  line,
• 35:11
  too,
• 35:13
  so.
• 35:14
  And
• 35:14
  you
• 35:14
  can
• 35:14
  also
• 35:15
  leave
• 35:16
  in
• 35:16
  the
• 35:16
  comments
• 35:16
  below.
• 35:17
  How
• 35:17
  do
• 35:18
  you
• 35:18
  like
• 35:18
  your
• 35:18
  eggs?
• 35:20
  We
• 35:20
  really
• 35:20
  want
• 35:21
  to
• 35:21
  know.
• 35:21
  We
• 35:21
  really
• 35:22
  want
• 35:22
  to
• 35:22
  know.
• 35:22
  So
• 35:25
  until
• 35:26
  next
• 35:26
  time,
• 35:27
  can
• 35:28
  I
• 35:28
  just.
• 35:28
  Say
• 35:28
  before
• 35:28
  we
• 35:29
  wrap
• 35:29
  up
• 35:29
  here.
• 35:29
  Okay.
• 35:30
  Sorry.
• 35:30
  No,
• 35:30
  I.
• 35:31
  This
• 35:31
  is
• 35:31
  an
• 35:31
  important
• 35:32
  point
• 35:32
  to
• 35:32
  make
• 35:32
  because
• 35:34
  the.
• 35:35
  We
• 35:36
  have
• 35:36
  to
• 35:36
  be
• 35:36
  careful
• 35:37
  about
• 35:37
  assuming
• 35:37
  that
• 35:38
  all
• 35:38
  twos
• 35:39
  are
• 35:39
  soft
• 35:40
  and
• 35:40
  only
• 35:41
  helping
• 35:41
  other
• 35:41
  people
• 35:42
  and
• 35:42
  only
• 35:42
  putting
• 35:43
  themselves
• 35:43
  in
• 35:43
  their
• 35:43
  background.
• 35:44
  There
• 35:44
  are
• 35:45
  a
• 35:45
  lot
• 35:45
  of
• 35:45
  very
• 35:46
  effective,
• 35:47
  very
• 35:47
  powerful,
• 35:48
  very
• 35:48
  forceful
• 35:49
  twos
• 35:50
  out
• 35:50
  there
• 35:51
  and
• 35:51
  a
• 35:51
  lot
• 35:52
  of
• 35:52
  people
• 35:52
  who
• 35:52
  don't
• 35:53
  seem
• 35:53
  like
• 35:53
  twos
• 35:54
  at
• 35:54
  first
• 35:55
  glance
• 35:56
  because
• 35:56
  they
• 35:56
  are
• 35:57
  assertive.
• 35:57
  So
• 36:00
  what's
• 36:00
  that?
• 36:01
  Or
• 36:01
  they're
• 36:01
  a
• 36:01
  man.
• 36:02
  Or
• 36:02
  they're
• 36:02
  a
• 36:03
  man.
• 36:03
  Yeah,
• 36:03
  I
• 36:03
  mean,
• 36:03
  I.
• 36:04
  Yeah,
• 36:04
  I
• 36:04
  guess
• 36:05
  the
• 36:05
  examples
• 36:05
  I
• 36:06
  used
• 36:06
  were
• 36:06
  women,
• 36:07
  but
• 36:08
  the.
• 36:09
  Yep.
• 36:09
  There
• 36:09
  are
• 36:10
  just
• 36:10
  as
• 36:10
  many
• 36:10
  male
• 36:11
  twos
• 36:11
  as
• 36:11
  there
• 36:12
  are
• 36:12
  female
• 36:12
  twos,
• 36:13
  we
• 36:13
  think.
• 36:15
  But.
• 36:15
  So.
• 36:16
  Yeah.
• 36:16
  So
• 36:16
  we
• 36:16
  want
• 36:17
  to
• 36:17
  be
• 36:17
  really
• 36:17
  careful
• 36:17
  just
• 36:18
  to
• 36:18
  make
• 36:18
  sure
• 36:18
  we're
• 36:18
  not
• 36:19
  painting
• 36:19
  the
• 36:19
  picture
• 36:20
  that
• 36:20
  they're
• 36:21
  soft
• 36:21
  or
• 36:21
  weak
• 36:22
  or
• 36:22
  ineffective
• 36:23
  or
• 36:23
  something
• 36:23
  like
• 36:23
  that
• 36:24
  just
• 36:24
  because
• 36:24
  they
• 36:24
  want
• 36:25
  to
• 36:25
  connect
• 36:25
  to
• 36:25
  people.
• 36:26
  Yeah.
• 36:27
  Do
• 36:28
  I
• 36:28
  have
• 36:28
  your
• 36:28
  permission
• 36:29
  to
• 36:30
  stop
• 36:30
  podcast
• 36:31
  about
• 36:31
  that?
• 36:32
  All
• 36:32
  right,
• 36:32
  cool.
• 36:33
  Three,
• 36:33
  two.
• 36:34
  Goodbye.
• 36:35
  See
• 36:35
  you
• 36:35
  next
• 36:35
  time.
• 36:36
  Bye.