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United We Stand pt1 · The Volume Shift

• Deion: Welcome back to the volume shift, where we bridge the gaps between genders, race, etc. I'm Buck Doctors the Doctor Without the Doctrine. Jhalil: And I'm Ja Lell, urban activist slash blacktivist. And today we got a special Deion: And we very delayed it. Jhalil: we got a special team on here with us today. So, you know, we ain't even gonna introduce them. We want we want y'all to hear for y'all selves. So who we got with us today, y'all? Tya Moore: All right, we'll do our normal show intro. You start, Star. Star: Can I answer question first? You mean just special like unique, not special like Ed. Right. Deion: Mm-hmm. Sunny: Thank you, but already starting. Already starting. Jhalil: Yeah. Star: Let's just be clear. Okay. Tya Moore: See you later. What's up? We warned you. We warned you. Jhalil: Like unique, no, no, unique for sure, for sure. Star: All Tya Moore: Alright, Star: right. Tya Moore: so we'll do our regularential. Go ahead, Star. Deion: that's waiting. That's Star: Hello guys, I'm Mrs. Starhart. Sunny: And it's your girl funny. Tya Moore: Hey y'all it's your girl Ty aka Arthur T and this is main character in Speed the Fuck This is. Well we show you Star: And this is main character energy package. This is funny because it's like Sunny: This is Main Character Energy Podcast. Super Doll. Tya Moore: what it means to be the main character. Sunny: That part. Yeah, we Jhalil: They sound like us on the intro sometimes. Sunny: Nah, it's different 'cause 'cause Tya Moore: We usually get it right. I Sunny: we be in person. Tya Moore: didn't tell them that we was going to do that, so they wasn't ready. Normally when we do her Sunny: Yeah. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: on the show, Star: No, not only that, sometimes when you're on like devices, some people have like a little delay. Tya Moore: Also the layer. Sunny: Yeah. Star: You ever be singing a Deion: Yeah, yeah. Star: song while you on the phone and a person try to sing the song too and it's like you off key, but they really not? It's like a little delay. Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: Nah, they probably really are. Deion: Mm-hmm. So Sunny: believe that Deion: which y'all what y'all join us about? Tell us about y'all podcast. Sunny: Let me know. Tya Moore: So our podcast, what we all have in common is we have main character energy, which is different than main character syndrome. Main character energy just means like you're not in competition with anybody, you don't have a problem with sharing the spotlight. When it's your scene, it's your scene. So always give the example of Boomerang. Like there was side scenes with David Ollagray or Martin, but you always knew that Eddie Murphy. Marcus Graham was the main character, even if you didn't see him. So you don't always have to be seen the main character. It's just who you are. Your energy just gives main character all the time. So what we do on the show Deion: Yeah, Tya Moore: is, that's what we say. We showing you what it means to be the main character because that's what we are all the time. Sunny: That part. Tya Moore: And anybody we allow to come on the show has to have main character energy as well. Deion: Hello. You got the new before. Jhalil: Okay, okay. That's what's up. Can't have that boring energy trying Sunny: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: to visit the sisters. Get up out of here with that. Tya Moore: Nah, man, we don't do boring, Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: You will feel left out if you come on Sunny: We too loud to be born. Tya Moore: the show and be boring. I'm telling you, you'll feel left out. Like, Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: we won't be laughing at your jokes or nothing. Like, come on. You gotta come on here and be funny. Yeah. Star: We got chairs, like if you wanna be a chair, something that's people just sit on that's just there? Like, no. Sunny: Yeah, all in. Star: If you come in, you know, show up. Deion: Yeah, Sunny: As your best self. Tya Moore: Bring your energy. Star: Okay. Tya Moore: We bring energy Deion: So I get Tya Moore: out of people though. Sunny: De definitely do. Definitely they do. Deion: So As we stated, right, like we we bridge in the gaps between gender. Tya Moore: Hey, shout out to Bridget and Gat. That's another podcast we link with. Deion: Genders, race, sex and all of that type of stuff, right? Like we try Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: and like be the middleman to to conversations that need to be had. You know what I Tya Moore: Okay. Deion: mean? Like we feel like a lot of people been getting their information third party and then the two be ended up arguing. Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: So like for example, right, like when Africans come here, They got that thing about us and we got this thing about them, but we never had a conversation. You know what I mean? Like whatever they getting is from their media, whatever we getting from our media. You get what I'm saying? So you know, we wanted to create the show for that purpose. You know what I mean? And and obviously j you know, tonight we we kinda on genders. And you know, it's always a heavy gender war. Jhalil: Mm hmm. Deion: And I and I feel the same way though. Tya Moore: Not in my world. Deion: I feel the same way though, like information is generated from like other people and not the the two parties where we able to really talk. You know Tya Moore: Right. Deion: what I mean? Like and understand each other. So how we start the show is the first segment we do a volume check. Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: So I want everybody to like give me a volume check on like what's the What's the loudest thing in like y'all life right now that that may need a value check on it? Tya Moore: that might need a value or volume. Deion: Volume. Tya Moore: Okay. Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: Yeah, we also like all right, we Star: This is the loudest we Jhalil: had them conversations where it's like we get people to look at what everybody else not saying. Like we wanna see what's in the mind of the people who saying it too. Like we not just gonna get on here and be like, well yeah, this is perfect. This is per like we wanna get to the point of like what what board Tya Moore: Nah, we don't do that at all. What the? Jhalil: No, no, not y'all. I'm just saying in general, like we like Tya Moore: you Jhalil: the like tackle the things that we don't always talk about out loud. You Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: feel me? Like we get into those type of things. Tya Moore: yeah, so we gonna work out great. Cause that's what our show is about. Yeah, we should be, yeah. Deion: Mm-hmm. Go ahead. Show your main energy. Tya Moore: Main character energy. Main character energy. Deion: Motherfucker. Yeah, man. You know you know in Philly we shorten everything up. You're Tya Moore: Listen, I got you. I Jhalil: Yeah. Tya Moore: got you. Something that I need to turn the volume up on. Deion: Or like a a value. Star: Damn. 'Cause he said the loudest thing in g in your life. Tya Moore: All the loudest. Deion: And you might need a you might need a volume check on it, like you get me? Tya Moore: that I need to turn it down. Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: Hmm. Jhalil: Could there be a distraction, Star: Boom. Jhalil: it anything. Star: Kids going back Tya Moore: and Star: to school. Cause now I Tya Moore: lord. Star: gotta get up early. Cause I gotta make sure you get the school. I gotta make sure you got school clothes. I gotta make sure you got I school, turn it down. I can't wait. I can't wait the next summer. I'm sick of it for sure. Deion: Yeah. Already you ain't even get out you ain't even Jhalil: Peace. Deion: get out the summer yet. Sunny: Summer cost too much. Summer costs too much. Them sum at some summer can't cost. Star: I do no not for I'll pray the price just to get another hour of sleep. Another Sunny: Yeah. Deion: Yeah, we're Star: hour of sleep is priceless. Tya Moore: my god. Star: Okay? Deion: Yeah. Star: And then high school start earlier than middle school. Sunny: yeah, yeah. They Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: Yeah. Sunny: switched the times up, yeah. Star: In as further. And I like she can't catch the bus because if she does she gotta be outside when it's dark. Sunny: yeah. Star: This school shit Yeah, why do I got feel like I'm in school too? Sunny: Mm-hmm. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: my god, you got four more years. Anyway. Jhalil: I ain't gonna lie, that's definitely a volume check. I don't like that getting up super early Tya Moore: Ha ha ha ha. Jhalil: in the morning and shit. Deion: Let me ask y'all though too though, Sunny: I'm an early bird, I'm used to it. Deion: like in the vein of this drawing, in the vein of helping, right? Like what can we give them that would be a volume switch? Like how how can we like give them a different perspective that would allow them to ease that noise, you get me? Star: A Uber gift card. Tya Moore: enough. Jhalil: Hey yo, she quick witted Sunny: I'm done. I'm done with her as a whole. Star: That's no for real. That's what I need. Jhalil: too, like. Tya Moore: Order beer early. Sunny: Nah, I would say I would say that the biggest thing I Star: man! Tya Moore: Yeah, go to bed early so you won't be tired. Sunny: for for my daughter, she not going to bed early. Star: Sacrifice sitting on my porch drinking my wine when it is quiet Sunny: You're not going to be Tya Moore: Yes! Star: in the house and it's quiet on the block because Tya Moore: Yeah Star: this girl gotta get an education. What see, that's what I'm seeing. Tya Moore: Yes, that's part of being a parent. I did my time. You have to do your time. And you did your second time doing your time. Sunny: No do but you know you do you can do. Star: But I'm doing a time with her. Tya Moore: That's your second time doing your time. Anyway. Sunny: But you know what you can do the to ease that, Deion: Mm-hmm. Star: The boy was a little easier. Sunny: you can either do one or two things. I I did with my daughter. I made her responsible for getting up on her own. So Deion: Give me a second, you know. Tya Moore: Yeah, there you go. Sunny: I she she she had to set Star: That she does. Sunny: her alarm. She had to set her alarm and get herself up. And yeah. Yeah, even that, get yourself out at night. Tya Moore: Get all her stuff out tonight. All she gotta do is grab it and go out the door and you ain't ain't gotta get up. Sunny: Yeah. Star: All right, so two things. She does get herself up on her own. And I'm gonna be honest, the same thing, like, but this week, being as though she gotta be to school earlier, it's still gonna be me waking up to make sure I can hear that she's woke. That's number one. And number two, let's all be honest. Putting yourself up at out at night is like having pencils. After the first week, we lose that. Deion: Do you need it? Star: You don't after the first week, Tya Moore: I don't know, bitch. Star: nobody cares about the they don't have no pencils. They keep needing new pens and all of that after the first week. And the first week everybody wanna show up as somebody who they not responsible, organized. That's not come on now, let's be for real. They keep their pencil, Sunny: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: Take it one week at a time. Star: they keep their pencil sharpened and all of that stuff. At night they sharpening their pencils, they laying out their clothes. Deion: Yeah. That's a lot. Tya Moore: Take it one week at a Star: After a week, ain't nobody doing that no more. Sunny: Yeah. Star: That's that's how Deion: Yeah. Star: we done. Deion: That was you know. Tya Moore: They would if you make it a racine, that's something that they had to follow. Star: No, the shower part is the routine. That's the only Deion: Taken Star: thing they do at night. And and you wanna know why I agree with it? Cause Deion: So you can lose it, right? Star: I don't out in my head, I'll be like, this is what I'm gonna wear tomorrow. And then I wake up and try to and be like, never mind. I'm switching up. Tya Moore: But she wear, if she wear the uniform then she not gonna do that. Star: She don't wear uniforms either. That's why it's so different this year. She don't even wear uniforms. Tya Moore: Aw, damn. I don't know. I can't help you. Deion: Yeah, well. Tya Moore: not wearing uniforms is crazy. Now that's crazy. Deion: hopefully you know you take Star: Can we get a moment of silence for the uniforms? Sunny: mine don't wear uniform either. Deion: it. Hopefully you Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: take in like, you know, w what's been given like, you know what I mean? And not add more on to yourself. Tya Moore: Yeah, just come up with a routine that works for everybody. Deion: Yeah. So what y'all got? Star: Tiger, you remember episode Sunny: So I got Star: two? Wingin' it. Tya Moore: What? Winging it, yes. Sunny: Yo, I'm done with you. I'm done with you. No, I would say for me, it would be negativity. I need to turn the volume down. I feel like it's a lot of negative out, out and about. Not necessarily in my space, but that I see around. Like somebody, when you go talk to somebody, it it's just not positive. And I understand people go through stuff at life, but when you talk to like for me, I turn I feel like me turning the volume down and like not sitting in with like if I talk to you and you always have a negative outlook and just always just unhappy or or miserable, I gotta remove myself from you because I don't want that. Like I'm I'm a happy person by nature. Yes, I go through stuff, but even when I go through stuff, I'm not in a negative head space. Right? So I feel like for me turning the volume down on on negative vibes and nothing that's positive, I gotta re and for me the solution is removing myself. Even when I even when somebody that you care about, you gotta I gotta remove myself because I don't need that negativity raining down on my happy parade. Cause then it seems like I'm just Not really I don't know. Like you you know, it it can kind of drain you. So I don't want that for me, so Deion: I Jhalil: That's a good one because energy is magnetic. Like we talked about that a few episodes ago too. It's like if you always around certain energies and and all this moodiness, everybody mad as shit. Like how can you expect to be happy? You know, so it's like, yeah, we do gotta learn how to separate ourselves. That's a good one. Tya Moore: That's right. Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: Yeah, brings up my fight and flight reflex. Yeah. Yeah. And plus it it brings out that fight and flight. Like I'm always gotta be on my guard and I just wanna chill. Deion: don't know. You You think like, You think you any type of negative at all? Tya Moore: Hmm. Sunny: Like I can I have those moments but I'm it's not daily or it's not consistent. Like when you talk to me, I may be having a bad day that day. So that day, yeah, I'm not in a good headspace. But those are those older days I like to be kinda off to myself. Like if I'm not in a good space, I'm not trying to be around people. So I don't wanna bring their energy down. So more often me, I like I'm at work, I'm in my cube. I'm not out talking to people. If I'm home, I'm I'm in my room because I'm not in a space where I wanna be entertaining with people knowing that I'm in not Not a great place. And me f for Deion: Yeah. Sunny: for me, sleeping is is like a thing for me. It's like, okay, I'm not really feeling this today. I'm going back to sleep, wake up and see what happens. and it's Star: Wake up and try again. Sunny: Yeah. Type of thing. But like I I know that I had those days, but I'm talking about like you, you I I'm I don't know if you guys have been around people, you know, some people that you be around, you talk to them like, I'm doing bad, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, okay, well, here's some solutions, blah, blah, blah. And next thing you talk to them again, I'm I'm just like, come on. Not gonna have a happy a happy memory all like not not one good thing to say today at all. Yeah, I can't be around that. Yeah. Or or just walk away. Like I said, remove yourself. Tya Moore: So that's when you gotta hang up Jhalil: Yeah, all that problem stacking and all that. Tya Moore: Like I mean is that simple that's what you gotta hang up you understand Sunny: Like you don't never have nothing good to say, you don't Deion: But do y'all think like y'all think like as humans we we got that we got that you got that option to do that? You do? Tya Moore: Yes, I've learned to do it very well because I used to deny it and I realized how much it was draining me. So, you know, I got like big red. My office hours from now on, Sunny: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: it's only a certain amount of time. My phone be on do not disturb after a certain time. You know what mean? I I'm so big on that right now. What? Star: Can I ask after what time? Can I ask you Sunny: Yeah. Star: after what time does your phone go and do not disturb? Tya Moore: So it's on Do Not Disturb while I'm working and it's on Do Not Disturb from like 10 o'clock to seven in the morning. Sunny: Yeah. But even but even so it does Star: So from ten to seven and then from seven to nine. Tya Moore: from eight to five thirty. Star: Your phone is never on Do Not Disturb. That's all I gotta say. Tya Moore: You Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: And yeah. She said you're lying, that you're you're a stone cold lie. Tya Moore: No, so the thing about Do Not Disturb, like I can still see the notifications is that whoever I don't want to get through to me can't unless I've allowed them to. And that allows me to Star: So it's always on do not disturb. Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: have control of who is in my space and who isn't. You know what I'm saying? Star: You just pick when you you just pick what disturbances you wanna tend to. Because anytime I send you Tya Moore: Here you go. Star: a message, it's on do not disturb. It's like Taya has her notification silence. Sunny: A yeah. Deion: I'm like, I'm like though if if we if we wasn't like if we ain't had control on like being here, how Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: do we have control on like when we help and don't help and all of these different things, Tya Moore: Because you just say no. Deion: it feel a Sunny: But you have Deion: lot it feels like arrogant as humans to say that. And it's like, let me finish, let me finish my statement. Yeah. Tya Moore: No it doesn't. Listen, I got a book. My self-care workbook. I'm sorry. I apologize. Deion: So you know what I mean? Like it it feel like that. And I'm just asking like, you know, for you, Sonny. Like Sunny: Do I what? Deion: do you think like it the the disturbance come from because you not in align with that? You get what I'm saying? Sunny: Yeah, so so so I'm not in line with whatever is going on? Deion: No, like aligned with as humans, we got a duty. So if people come into our lives, it was like we ain't designed that to happen, but we got stuff for other people to help them as humans, right? Like Sunny: Yeah, yeah. Deion: so you might be disturbed because you're busy in life and you like I don't feel like being bothered with that, but it's like that person Tya Moore: Thank Deion: probably need help and guidance or Sunny: Yeah. No, but that's Deion: whatever. So I'm asking like, do you think like the way you were saying you felt could come from like not aligning with that and like looking at it like, you know, like like how you looking at it, Tya Moore: Okay. Deion: you know, like it's a disturbance rather than something else. Tya Moore: Okay. Sunny: Well, I don't f so I I guess for me, at I I wouldn't say like so if if somebody's 'cause I've been around and I help people, like we talked about this on our podcast podcast. You c you you e even when I'm at my worst, if if I can help you, like genuinely help you, I'm I'm gonna help you, right? That's not to me that's not necessary a disturbance. I'm me I guess my my my take from that is basically by me saying, you know, sometimes energy it takes your energy. It's like you know, like you have people around that Tya Moore: Thank Sunny: I I've either helped and like just you know how you find people that just wanna stay in like they they they thrive off of chaos or just Deion: Mm-hmm. Sunny: being in in a in a state of misery, right? So I could be putting Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: Thanks. Sunny: your life to help you, right? And I'm like not forcefully giving you or not forcefully trying to help you, but I'm here. I'm offering a a way a light at the end of the tunnel and you're not taking it, right? So with me consistently. trying to pour into you and you pouring it out because you you rather stay in in in that state. So for me, if if I feel like that's what's happening and I know I'm genuinely trying to pour pour into you and help you and you just can't, you're not ready to receive it because that's that's the thing. Like peop people say they want help, but they're not necessarily reads ready to receive help. Or may may not be able to receive the help that you're trying to how and how you what help is like to you, right? So they can't receive it properly. So it's like I'm not going to pour pour all like even though I'm trying to pour into you, I'm not gonna pour so much that I've I've I lose me in the process. And now I'm in the same mind state that you are in because I've given you everything I have and you still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and now I have nothing to give you or myself. So for me in those situations, I feel like I don't like the negativity because if if if Joe Schmo, if you got six people trying to help you in six different ways and you still Stagnant and not necessarily taking these opportunities to help you, what am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to see keep keep doing it because you put them on life. I am trying to help you. But when you ready, holler at me. When you're ready to be out of that, holler at me. But I can't sit here with you on a on a day-to-day basis, day in and day out, having you pour your negativity into me because it's like you said, that energy is gonna drain mine. So now we both negative and we ain't accomplishing nothing. And I'm not helping you. I'm just walling in walling in it with you. So Tya Moore: Thank you. Jhalil: More Sunny: I can't give you that energy, especially with my own personal stuff I got going on. I can't do that. And like I said, I I told you at the top of this. Deion: I see that sound like that sound like like say if we said that same thing to God. Jhalil: little Sunny: Mm-hmm. Deion: Like that's what it sound like. Tya Moore: Thank Sunny: That's a plus side that I ain't got because I I don't like I can't like I like like I said, I I get where you're going with it. No, I I totally I I'm glad I'm not because I c I couldn't. Star: Sonny Sunny said God forgives I don't Tya Moore: You Jhalil: No rue. You said big dog gotta help me, like it's subjective. Like Sunny: Like he he he he's gonna be there even when we don't want it. But even but even Tya Moore: Listen. Star: Then he said, God Sunny: if if if if but Star: forgives, I don't. Sunny: even if you want to take it there. God done like tie and them can attest to this. God I done been through some stuff in my life since I met them. They they didn't Star: Yeah, for sure. Sunny: see me walk through some stuff. And I God was trying to tell me this. I seen the red, orange, blue, all the flags, and I was just like, No, I'm gonna fix it. I know I can make it. I didn't know I got I see the potential. I'm here for it. I'm a stick body. And I went through hell. Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: And when I tell you I went through hell, I went through hell only to get disrespected at the end, like to the utmost, to the umpteen power, disrespect, right? And I was at my lowest for me to finally see what God had for me and what I got now is is not even close to that. Deion: That's what I'm saying though. I imagine those people, Sunny: And I'm in a better faith because of it. Deion: those people that you saying that same thing about. Star: Why are you trying to bridge the gap between people miseraby misery Sunny: Yeah. Star: and high happiness? That ain't a a gap that people want to bridge. Deion: It's beautiful, ain't it? Sunny: Even but even when I was going through it, I wasn't I wasn't pouring negative into nobody. Tya Moore: Wait, can I say something? Hold on y'all, Deion: It's beautiful though, right? Tya Moore: can I say something? Deion: No, no, I'm not saying that, but I'm saying what you projecting when you telling your story, I hear it right back. Like everything you saying that somebody else would be saying, is like you saying the same thing. You get what I'm saying? And for me, I'm like, the only battle in life is you versus you. Tya Moore: Hmm. Deion: So when you putting other people in in their place, it's just you really versus you. So Tya Moore: Mmm. Sunny: Yeah, but like I but like I know that because I don't like I say, even when I was through my worst of storms, I've been through many of I still wasn't Deion: Mm-hmm. Sunny: a I I still wasn't draining people of their stuff. Yeah, I would like I would I would internalize a lot because I don't want to give you my essentially my burden and for me to always be coming to you with the same story seven, fifteen, eleven times and you telling me how to how to like, hey babe, you know, this is what you gotta do. Now you know I love you, I'm trying to help you. And I'm just not getting it because I like for me. That was comfort for me, right? So I had to be in a space to mentally receive what I was what Tya Moore: . Sunny: I was getting from people that love me to to know that this is not something I need to do. This is not something I should be doing. Like I this healthy is healthy and like I and mental health is is crazy. I sat down and had to go start going to therapy. Like, let me just go on here because I can't keep giving all my stuff to to these people or I can't just like they I got people watching me go through it. And they're telling me and I'm just still going through it. And I now the only difference was I wasn't talking to them. Like not I was talking to but I wasn't putting my trauma or or my stuff onto them, if that makes sense. I was still happy go lucky, but they also Tya Moore: Thank you. Sunny: knew I was going through it. Deion: Mm-hmm. Sunny: So that's the difference. That's that's where I'm coming from a place up, 'cause it's people that go through shit that that that wear well, you won't even say it, they get good at I got good at masking. I wasn't coming to you every day. Deion: But ain't no that's what I'm saying, ain't no difference. We all connected. So everything you going through, like you saying, if I talk to the same people you took saying that to, they got that same story too. You get what I'm saying? Tya Moore: Okay. Okay. Deion: So I understand how we will want to disconnect from certain things. Sunny: Mm-hmm. Deion: But it's all connected. Like you get what I'm saying? Like. Sunny: Yeah. Deion: You know, every day we walk on earth but we don't think about gravity. You get what I'm saying? Like we don't think about the voodoo. Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: Yeah, that's the good one. Deion: We don't think about voodoo or spirit and none of that. You know, voodoo being Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: Yeah. Star: I think about Voodoo Dale, I do. Tya Moore: It's one. Deion: just the the hitting. No, no, Sunny: Yeah. Jhalil: shit. Deion: because I I say that because I feel like our lives is for our lives. So everything that happened Tya Moore: perfect. Deion: for your life is for your life. But if you looking Tya Moore: Thank Deion: at the people, then you're not gonna see what it is for you. Tya Moore: Thank Sunny: Yeah. Deion: You get what I'm saying? Like so you know, I just say that yeah. I'll just leave it at that. Tya Moore: Thank Deion: But yeah, I appreciate you like, you know, being open to discuss like Sunny: Yeah. Deion: Ty, how about you and shit? Like, what's your what's your job? Tya Moore: So this is what I wanted to say just to add to that first No, I see cuz Deion: I'm sorry, yeah, yeah. I thought we were. Tya Moore: like I heard I hear you and then you stop so I thought you was stopping so I'm sorry about that Deion: No, go ahead. Tya Moore: When we're on virtual sometime is harder, but anyway, I used to be mrs. Fix it, right? I had a divorce mrs. Fix it and the reason why I say that is because you'll get broken by trying to fix people And then people just look at you as broken. Like you said, you know what mean? It's all connected. It comes back around. But they know what I say is I'm a selective saver. Even one of them is going through anything. They could call me at any time. You want to know why? Because I know they don't want to go through what they're going through. I know they're only calling me because they're going to listen to me. You have some people who want to be stuck because being anything else, they don't know how to do. Those are the people I'm going to do not disturb for. Cause that I'm not, can't waste my energy on. You know what I mean? It's not saying I don't care what's going on with people. I care about all my friends. I care about all my family. I care about people in general. This part of the reason why I do podcasting is cause indirectly I'm always trying to help people. Especially with the gender war telling women to be soft, everything, right? But I got to help people in a way now that doesn't break me. Cause I did all this, I didn't do all this work to fix me to go back and get broken again. You know what I'm saying? And there's a way to help people without breaking yourself. And a lot of times people don't know how to do that. So until you can do that, you're not going to really be able to help nobody. Cause now this is the broken helping the broken. And you don't ever want that to be the case. You know what I'm saying? So that's, that's how I look at it. You know, I will help anybody. You Deion: Well, you know the Tya Moore: know what I mean? I say stuff all the time. I wrote a book about my life to help people. I wrote a self care workbook journal for men and women. to teach men and women about practicing self-care every single day. So I do all these things to help people that does not break me. Because I can't get broken again. You know what I mean? It was a lot of work to get to the point that I'm at now. I'm not willing to go back. I'm always willing to help, but not at the expense of breaking myself. So I think the balance of that is important. You know what mean? And to me, that's still doing a guy's work. That's still using the gift that he gave me to help people. Jhalil: Yeah, some people will try to use you for your kindness, you feel me? And that shit had you burnt out. So I I feel both of y'all, like I ain't gonna Tya Moore: Yeah, listen. Yeah. Jhalil: lie, like I I Deion: No Jhalil: definitely feel ya. Deion: When you go to work, like, how much stuff get on you the do do you ever quit? Do you quit your job? Tya Moore: No, I've been in 20 years. Deion: And you put up with Sunny: Yeah, my job is not stressful at all. I love I actually left one title to go to another title just so I wouldn't be Deion: Yeah. And y'all put up with whatever and y'all still stay there and finish the course. Sunny: That's 'cause we gotta pay the bills. We don't have the luxury of not of of quitting that. I mean, 'cause we quit every we quit every job that that bothered us or something we we had a problem with. Tya Moore: Well, actually, no. I don't. Deion: Right. So you know that's what I'm saying. So we don't put the same we don't put the same yame on humanity like treating each other with that same manner, like you get what I'm saying? Tya Moore: No, I treat my job the same way. If something about it is stressful, I'm going to figure out a way for it not to be. And like I said, I've been there for 20 years. had my times, you know, during that time when I was going through that journey, everything bothered me, this and that. Now it's like, I can figure it out. I know how to stop and decompress. I know how to process this and say, okay, cool. But if Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: it got to the point... where it stress me out every single day, I will be out at this age, no question. Cause that's Deion: Mm-hmm. Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: the place I'm at in life is anything that is disturbing my peace cannot be in my vicinity. Sunny: Therefore. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: It just can't. And that's a job. I'm not attached to nothing. I'm not attached to nothing. Jhalil: I've already Sunny: No, that that part 'cause like I said, I took a Tya Moore: I don't care what it is. Sunny: Yeah, I left a unit I was in for seven years Deion: Yeah. Sunny: because I had to deal with toxicity for for like the last Star: So it's on. Sunny: two. And I was like, and I was like, listen, y'all, y'all gotta fix it or I'm out. Like I was the longest one in that unit. And they didn't fix it. And they thought I was they thought I weren't gonna leave. I'm like, no, I'm out. Deion: Yeah. Sunny: And I left. And and my and they always say, Hey, you wanna come back over here? No, I'm good. I like I'm I'm at peace with what I'm doing now. I'm less stressed. I gotta go home and deal with. My son on a day-to-day, I don't need to come to work fighting battles. I'm not doing it. I I want to place a piece and that's what you do. Like you could compromise because at the end of day, if if like I said, if we left every job that did us that made us mad or bothered us or stressed us out, we would never work and we wouldn't be having to pay our bills and everybody be on public assistance stressing Tya Moore: I don't know. Sunny: about crumbs. I did that. I I was homeless and I was on welfare. Three hundred dollars a month. That wasn't doing shit with it with with it with a two-year-old. So that's not an option for me. So yes, I'll take. a little stress at work so I can pay my bills. But like I said, my pay is very well and I'm not in the unit I was in because it was stressing me the hell out and I left. So like I'm Tya Moore: All Sunny: at I'm at the same job. I've been there fifteen plus well seventeen years and I like it. But I had to leave in the in the area I left, I loved it. I just didn't love the the management at the time. So I I had to go. Deion: Yeah. I don't want y'all to quit y'all jobs or nothing like Sunny: no, I'm not Tya Moore: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Sunny: no, I'm unless you got stacks Star: I'm not gonna lie. Jhalil: Real rap y'all thugging, like y'all going hard. Sunny: of money to help pay my bills, I ain't quitting Tya Moore: No, listen right Sunny: none of them motherfucking things. Tya Moore: damn D.I. Sorry, I received Star: He making every point to make entertain Deion: Mm-hmm. Star: the negativity positive. So he like, so y'all gonna give with your job if it's negative there. So y'all gonna divorce your spouse if it's negative there. So you gonna pet your mom out if she's having a bad day? Deion: Yeah, Star: And you know what? Yes, we're gonna do all those things. Tya Moore: Yeah. Sunny: no. Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: Yeah yeah. Tya Moore: No. Sunny: I Deion: Mm-hmm. Sunny: ain't put my mama out. Tya Moore: So the thing is, Star: Mom, you gotta go. Tya Moore: I'm out of survival mode. So that's what you hear. That's the talk you hear from me. I'm out of survival mode. I live a soft life and I'm single and I live a soft life. Huh? Deion: Yeah. You heard what else that I was doing? Jhalil: Sterry Wildland, she talk about put everybody out. Tya Moore: Yeah, I'm never solved life. I'm not in survival mode. Star: I don't have to take this. Tya Moore: So like I Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: said, that doesn't mean I won't help people, but not at the expense of disrupting my, this life I built for myself. No, that's not gonna happen. But the thing I need to turn my volume up on is losing weight. Deion: Mm. Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: What you mean you need to turn your volume up on it? Tya Moore: I mean, well, on the effort to lose weight. Deion: Okay. Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: But what's the volume check though, the making you go that way? Jhalil: What's making you feel like that? Tya Moore: I can't wait! Deion: That's what I'm saying. So you look at the thoughts of yourself is making you feel that way? Or outside stuff. Tya Moore: No, not the thoughts of myself, the scale. The scale is making me feel the way he does. Deion: But I'm saying like you as a person, if you don't notice that, you don't you Sunny: It'd be my dream for me. Deion: don't mind it. But what's making you feel like, all right, well, at this point I'm gaining too much weight, like that don't just come up. Tya Moore: Yeah, I'm gaining too much weight. Like my knees hurt because it's too much weight on my knees. Deion: Okay. Tya Moore: you know, I got like acid reflux stuff like that, you know, whenever you go. Yeah. So Deion: health thoughts. Okay. Tya Moore: like now I'm gonna tell you this, right? I used to have weight insecurities like big time, right? Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: That's not the issue now. You know I'm saying? It's not about, I hate how I look or, know, I hate myself because I'm big or none of that. I just know I've gained a significant amount of weight and we've been transparent on here. It's not really because of food. It's hormone. You know what I'm saying? Deion: Mm. Tya Moore: Which is very difficult. Like this weight just comes out of nowhere. Like I don't even eat that much or anything. Like it's crazy. And only then they'll tell you when you go to the doctor is, get on Ozympic. I'm not really feeling that. You know I'm saying? I'm not really feeling. Right. So I'm just trying Jhalil: Yeah, don't don't do that shit. That's bullshit. That's a trap. Tya Moore: to. you know, figure out different ways to combat this. So that's my, you know, that's what my focus is on right now. Deion: He said you're not eating as much, but like, are you eating good? Tya Moore: I mean, I don't eat perfect, but I don't eat horrible. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I could probably eat better, but even like when they do your blood work and all this stuff, they're like, it's not coming from food. It's, you know, the levels. You know what I'm saying? Deion: But if they put in hormonal shit in the foods. Tya Moore: Deal. Deion: You know what I mean? Like so I don't know when you say that. Jhalil: And they they tainting the good shit nowadays too. Tya Moore: Yeah, but- Jhalil: It's like so Sunny: Yeah, that's the the the the good food ain't no better either. Tya Moore: That's what I'm saying, it doesn't Sunny: They out here just spraying our spraying the the the the the produce with miscellaneous stuff. So it it could be it's a number of things. So I I feel you for for me, it's my genes. My genes tell me I gained weight. I'm like, okay. So Tya Moore: mean, and then the crazy thing is I gain weight, right? But I can still fit on my clothes. It's weird. I don't know. I Deion: So good work. Tya Moore: can fit my clothes from two years ago, but I gain weight. I don't know. I don't get it. You know what I mean? Deion: You said you could do what? Tya Moore: I said I can still fit on my clothes from two years ago, even though I gain weight. I don't know. Deion: all right. I thought you said you still could stand on your toes. I don't know why I heard that. I don't know Tya Moore: Nah, I can't do that no more. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: why I heard that. Like what the fuck? Sunny: Yeah, what the hell is on your mic? What is Tya Moore: I can't do that no more. I can't stand on my toes no more. Deion: She's Sunny: what's going on your mic that you hear some standing on toes? I haven't heard that all season. Tya Moore: I don't know. Jhalil: Yo, that's that's the ultimate skill right Deion: It sounded like don't try to say it like that on sounding like. Jhalil: there. I don't think nobody can do that shit. Tya Moore: Hey man, I used to do it, I can't do it no more. I barely Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: can, you know, I ain't got no Megan needs no more even, because I can Sunny: Listen. Listen. Tya Moore: get down there, but once I get back up, you know, I need help, so. Sunny: Man, I dropped something on my floor the other day Star: Okay. Sunny: and I got down and I like, Jesus, fix it. All right, listen, we got to get this together. Tya Moore: man, I drop something on the floor sometimes if I don't really need it, it just stay there because no. But Jhalil: Yeah. Star: Yeah. Deion: Yeah, Sunny: Yeah, here's yeah. Deion: I'm sorry, though, you was were you finished? Tya Moore: no, I keep it real. Like, you know, a lot of women are struggling right now, you know, with the same thing. Menopause, perimenopause, whatever. lot of women, you know, over 40 are struggling. Star: Exactly. Tya Moore: The weight just comes out of nowhere. It's mood swings, it's brain fall. You can't remember anything. Like, it's a lot. you know, happening. And that's the other reason why I gotta move the way I move now, because every single day I'm just trying to make it. So I don't have a whole lot of room for nonsense. Like I got room for people who's actually coming and wanting a solution. I don't have room for people who just don't want to, like they just want to be stuck and just want to hear themselves talk. That I don't have room for. You know what I mean? So that's what I mean when I say Jhalil: Yeah. Tya Moore: like, you know, you got your own stuff. Happening like I'm just being real like this. is a different life. You know what mean? You can't remember nothing You understand you talking about starting to forget Jhalil: that's a that's a great point. Tya Moore: miss it is like my memories to be great It's not good anymore. You know what mean? And you know, Jhalil: Yo, but before we move on, right, I wanna ask you a question, Taya. like Tya Moore: Yeah? huh. Jhalil: cause you see like all the beef that we got going on, I think it's like due to us not understanding that about each other. You feel me? Like men not understanding Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jhalil: that about women and like our our spouses, our moms, or like you feel me, and and vice Tya Moore: There you go, Jhalil: versa. Like we don't we don't think about those things because it's not apparent in our lifetime and you know, the Like the information is not just readily available is Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: us putting us against each other. So like how you think that's like how you think that we can help as far as like with dealing with our spouses and our like our females and stuff that's going through these things? Like how like what you think would be beneficial f from us? Tya Moore: listening, doing research on methods that can assist with alleviating some of these things, maybe even going to the appointments with them. You know what I'm saying? That's one of my biggest things being single with some of the health stuff I had to go through. I had to go through it alone. You know what I'm saying? And sometimes men can be there. They might think of a question you don't think of. They might say, what about this? What about that? So basically, just to support, right? And even putting it on women, women being honest and transparent enough to say what I just said. A lot of them will not. Jhalil: Yeah. Tya Moore: They'll just walk around with attitudes. They'll just walk around and say, don't feel like it and never communicate what exactly is going on or even try to do anything about it. Again, being transparent, I'm on a hormone replacement because I ain't walking around with no mood swings. I ain't walking around crying for no reason, staring at the wall. Like it was bad. So I feel better now in that room. So I think that's how you can help your spouse. Just by doing the research on it because a lot of men don't know. You just thinking, she got an attitude for no reason or she Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: just tired for no reason. Whole time, it's hormone. You know what I'm saying? Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: So it's like just getting to the bottom of it instead of thinking it's a reflection of you or she just don't care or Sunny: Time the yeah. Tya Moore: whatever the case may be. So I think that's how a spouse could help their spouse that may be going through these things. Sunny: Yeah, just had that conversation too. Jhalil: I appreciate that. Deion: Now what if now what if the what if the spouse don't know herself how to explain it, like where we can go from there. Sunny: Well, you know the age that like age where it could it could start. Like I like even like when we talked about this Tyre, like I don't like I'm about to be forty two, not too far from Tyre. So I know that any day that this could happen. So like me and my s me and my mate, we talk and I'm like, so you know, I'm at up in age, so this thing these things can start happening, you know. But like I feel like me, I overcommunicate. So like he just he just gonna know everything anyway. But like just to have them be aware and then you gotta have somebody like like Ty said that's empathetic, that's just there to support and understand. I know friends that went through it, didn't know how to explain it or or even did explain it, right? And the guy just was like, cause that can change your whole mood. You don't even some people could lose their sexual appetite. So you, you, Tya Moore: Bambino, yeah. Sunny: you like, I ain't had sex in six weeks. And like she like, listen, I don't know what you want me to do. Like ain't ain't nothing nothing right now. Ain't nothing happening right now for me. Like, and like most guys ain't ain't trying to hear what you mean. This we we on week six. They not now you count on the days and she feeling horrible because she can't do that for you. And the worst and then Deion: Thank you. Sunny: then your mind goes to is you gonna cheat because I'm sitting here going through these different emotions, this imbalance, going through this change of life, like I did like this women go through this, your mama went through this, your grandmother, like sisters, everybody's going through this. So it's nothing that you never heard about, but now I'm experiencing it in a relationship and it's and it's a difficult thing to kind of go through, let alone being single. Deion: Yeah, where Tya Moore: So I see in this podcast where the girl was, Deion: Well Tya Moore: the lady was saying that a lot of people are getting divorced at, Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: you know, during this time, like 41, 42, 43, because of the perimenopause. Because the men can't handle it or the women are not, you know what mean? Like both hand in hand. So I feel like that's part of it. The women is like, what I'm going through. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: You just gotta deal with it. Like when we talked about on episode seven, male postpartum depression, right? And I was like, people don't think men have male postpartum depression, but they do. Y'all just don't like to call it that because they ain't carry the baby. That's why I'm saying it. Listen, exactly. There you go. There you go. Jhalil: Yeah, I was depressed in the motherfucker. I ain't knew what was going on. I said, yo, I'm trying everything. This shit not working. Like, is it me? And like, you know, us, we Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: natural problem solvers. Like, we like the like really handling the text, everything Sunny: Yeah, but it's not something it's it's not something highly talked about. Tya Moore: Bye. Jhalil: that's going on in our family to make sure shit is cool. So it's like Tya Moore: I don't know me. Jhalil: that's that's where we probably do go wrong. And I ain't gonna lie, is we always trying to problem solve, but sometimes we don't ask the right questions, bro. Right. And sometimes it's like Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: And that's on both Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: ends, women too. You know what I mean? A lot of women Jhalil: Yeah. Tya Moore: be like, he should know. He should understand. But you ain't tell him. Out of mind, reader. Jhalil: How? We like we yo. Sunny: And even if and even if you do tell him he he if if he don't really understand, 'cause sometimes you do just some things you're just not gonna understand because you're not a female. You're just not going to to get it. And and it's like in fact, I can tell you Jhalil: Yeah, give us an example, like give me an example, you me? Tya Moore: Right. Deion: People that I Sunny: something to I'm blue in the face, if you don't necessarily comprehend what I'm saying, you you Deion: Yeah, no, really. Sunny: won't know it. It's almost like it's almost like when you when you battle in depression. Some people can't describe that. Like you just going through it. You don't know why you're going through it. Some of that. And like Tya Moore: Alright. Sunny: how do I how do I explain that to you? And like People get this idea that depression looks like I'm sad, I'm just miserable and then stressed out. And look, I masking it like I do it. I mask a lot. I just be happy as hell. And like you what you mean you're depressed? Deion: Yeah. Sunny: Like I'm going through it. You don't even know. Like, but I'm not outwardly expressing that to you. I go home and like one of my things my my therapist told me was to stop sleeping. Cause that's what I did. When I'm really depressed, I get in my bed and I go to sleep. And Deion: Yeah. Sunny: that's what I do. It's not something you're gonna see because you're not you're not with me every day. Jhalil: Mm. Tya Moore: Mm-mm. I've had insomnia for 20 years. Sunny: And I said that's what made me go to therapy because I felt like my son was living living my depression with me. So I was like, I g I I gotta start taking Tya Moore: Nom nom. Sunny: him outside more. I'm I'm over in in the house going through it like because I'm outside working, functioning as an actual human being all day. But when I come home, I'm in the house and he's staying in the house with me because I don't want to be outside. I don't want to do people. I can't. I gotta be able to, you know, designate that. So like it's one of those things that if you don't underst if you don't have the capacity to really understand what I'm talking about, you never experience it. Some of them saying some people don't experience that, so you don't know. Tya Moore: Right. Right. And it's still affecting the Sunny: You don't know what that looks like. And it's hard. Deion: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: And that's Deion: Yeah, Tya Moore: man too. Like at the end of the day, he can understand or whatever, but we got to figure something out because I'm still suffering in this instance as well. You know what I mean? Like if your wife can't have sex with you, you know what mean? You're not getting sex. If your wife is tired all the time or got an attitude all the time, you have to deal with that. And a lot of times, that's why I use the postpartum example. It'll be like, well, you got to deal with it because I'm a woman. No, no. We got Deion: Mm. Tya Moore: to figure this out so that we both can be, you know, happy and peaceful in this situation as well. think a lot of people think like men should just be, just go along with these things. You know what I mean? No, we have, that's why I believe that divorces are happening because they're not communicating about it. And the man is probably just getting frustrated. Like I can't live like this. Right. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: So. You know, that's why I think the disconnect is right. Yeah. Jhalil: It's very hard. It's very hard. Cause like even like, you know, dealing with our spouse too. We gotta deal with home. We gotta deal Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: with like people on work sites and and like our day-to-day Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Yep. Jhalil: life. Like we got a certain like image and and persona to hold up in the community, not just in Tya Moore: Bye. Jhalil: in house. Like it's young boys around our way that we gotta be a certain way for just so they they understand the way too. It's not just about our Tya Moore: Right, right. Jhalil: lineage. So it's like sometimes we do get lost and then sometimes women get lost, but that's why we haven't Tya Moore: Bye. Jhalil: this conversation. Like and I'm happy that y'all kept it transparent and like really Tya Moore: Alright. Jhalil: giving us like really like good alternatives and things that we should try so we can understand each other. 'Cause all this like East Coast, West Coast beef shit, is not getting us nowhere. Like we gotta be thorough. Like Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: No. Jhalil: we need y'all. Like, you feel me? Like Tya Moore: You see how that ended? Sunny: is definitely to love on each other more. Yeah, we definitely need well I think what we need to Jhalil: Who where is right? Sunny: learn is to love on each other, be empathetic to people. Even if you don't necessarily understand, being empathetic is a b is is like one of the biggest things you could do. And like even like 'cause like one of the things, you always want to relate. Sometimes you just can't relate. And like even with even with postpartum, Tya Moore: Yeah. Sunny: what looks like postpartum in the female looks di may look different in the male. It's not the same. Everybody deals with things differently. Tya Moore: Right. Right. Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: So Jhalil: Yeah, we going to work more, we doing more, we trying to like Sunny: Even if I say I'm going through this. Tya Moore: Right. Star: Postpartum not even the same within females though either. Like females, I didn't even know it was different types of postpartum depression, like postpartum anxiety, postpartum psychosis, postpartum OCD, like all these different types. So it doesn't look the same in nobody, let alone a male and a female. Tya Moore: Your point. It doesn't. So it's different levels of, some people got a low level of it like, the baby doesn't like me. You know what I mean? And then some people can't get out of bed for weeks. So it looks different Jhalil: Yeah. Tya Moore: in everybody, but I think the male postpartum is one, having to deal with everything that comes along with the female having a postpartum. You know, even the idea of being a father now and everything that comes along with that, you have to mentally prepare your mind the same way, because you both are parents. You know what I mean? So I, cause I think that people think, it's just, he didn't carry the baby. He carried everything else though, right along with you. So his feelings are as valid as yours. They're not less valid simply because he didn't carry the baby. Deion: Yeah Sunny: Exactly. Like that's like that's like even having a miscarriage. If the women say, well, you don't understand. He he lost a kid too. Like he he was excited about this kid. He he was right there Tya Moore: Mm, mm, mm, mm-hmm. Sunny: with you. And now it's y'all whatever y'all y'all hope for is no longer. So even though while you going through it, you gotta be mindful to check in on him. make sure he's Tya Moore: Yeah. Sunny: good, make sure he, you know, how does he feel about it? Having those con having those uncomfortable conversations that people don't have and and especially with us black and brown folk, right? We we Tya Moore: Yeah. Sunny: with us, we don't it's a lot of stuff that we don't talk about in our households, let alone with each other. I don't I mean, I I know a lot of guys that don't have certain conversations with their boys. Like us some of us, I mean some of us females don't have conversations with our girls about certain things we go through. But like you just never know who been through it, who can help you, who help guide you through that, and just you know, walk you through that and like just communicate with each other because it's it's y'all both mourning, right? Y'all both going through going through it together. And that's why when when you get sick kids or stuff like that, terminally ill kids and parents break up because they don't know how to talk to each other 'cause they both dealing with it separately. And it's like if we just come together, it will we'll be so much better for and so much stronger for it. And like I feel like we just need to level each other Star: Okay. Sunny: and be really empathetic and and be understanding and hear each other out. Whether what what I'm going through doesn't look like yours, we can both Tya Moore: Okay. Sunny: talk about it and kind of work through it together. Jhalil: Okay. Tya Moore: I think the other issue is there's an outdated concept that men don't have feelings. It's outdated. You know what mean? That's always been the thing. Right? Right. It's always been the thing. Men don't have feelings. So. Jhalil: Yeah. Because we be feeling like a motherfucker. Like I be heard about some shit. I call my boy, like, damn, bro. Yeah, we we definitely do. Like, yo, man. And yo, we appreciate that. Star: If they might have more feelings. Tya Moore: for sure. But it has to be a safe space Star: I think it's I think it's so outdated because it's so sad that to me Tya Moore: for you. Yeah, lot of, yeah, we ain't talking about those kind of feelings. Star: it's more women that don't have feelings than men. Like it's like it flipped. Men didn't used to just show their feelings. Now the females want to be out here acting like they don't care, and men are being starting to try to be more comfortable showing their feelings. Tya Moore: National. Star: It flipped the it flipped around. Tya Moore: That's true. Very true. Jhalil: Yeah, we definitely trying. Like we trying to be Sunny: And then they get called sassy and then and then they get called Jhalil: better dads, trying to be better husbands, all that shit. Like we really trying. Sunny: sassy or or or gay. And that's a narrative we need we need to get rid of too, because you can't tell a man that you want him to be emotionally Deion: See Sunny: available and and emotional, be be allowed to be vulnerable with you and then you call him sassy or gay because he got emotional about some shit. Like this shit is crazy. Yeah. Jhalil: You call me a bitch ass nigga, I'm hurt. You call me a bitch ass nigga, Deion: That's what I'm saying, like Star: Yeah. Jhalil: I'm like, damn. Deion: Y'all y'all don't see Sunny: It's crazy work. Deion: it y'all don't see it as like a war against us. Sunny: It's a war against us all. Tya Moore: So listen wait a hold on Right, so that's Jhalil: Both sides though, like both sides were. Tya Moore: why I want to talk about right they all know I don't do gender wars. I feel like equally Both sides got work to do right, but I think it stems from this competition of who hurt who more and every time something happened It's like one for the men one for the women the men hurt women more The women hurt men more and this is what happens all day long. I think it is intentional. I think social media elevated it to a level it probably would have never got to if it was not for social media. And I think it was done on purpose. The world knows that if we're beefing with each other, we can't come together and we can't be successful. We need each other. Men are the leaders of society. Period. Deion: We can't we can't we can't put that shit on social media like that's just a platform. I I understand I understand what you're saying. You're Tya Moore: No, I said that elevated. I'm not saying that that's it. I'm saying that elevated. Yeah. Deion: saying you're saying the people on social media, not social media itself, like Yeah, yeah. You Tya Moore: Right, like you got the rage bait clips and you know what All that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Deion: but I I but that's what I'm saying, like It seemed like we don't never like target the instigator. Tya Moore: Huh? Deion: We just deal with what the instigator give us. You feel Star: Yeah. Deion: what I'm saying? Like a lot of stuff that men and women come to the table with is somebody else's alleology. Tya Moore: I agree. Star: Dust fakes. Deion: You get what I'm saying? So it's like we sit here arguing about what a man is and what we think a man is, or what or women thinking like what they think a man is and all of this, or what a woman is, however it go, you feel me? But We don't stop to be like, that's not our battle. Like if we Tya Moore: I agree. Deion: if we all believe in like God and this in the stories and everything, like then we set on our position. Tya Moore: Right. Deion: And I think the only argument coming from is like when you don't accept your position. Tya Moore: I I agree with that. Harlan. Yeah. Deion: You get what I'm saying? Star: Yeah. Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: So a lot of that stuff just interferes with, and to me, is it's really not a black and white, it's like the devil versus God. Tya Moore: Hmm. Deion: You get what I'm saying? Like, he he Star: Spiritual worship. Tya Moore: Hmm. Deion: it the devil might be working through all kinds of people, just like Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: God worked through all kinds of people. Tya Moore: Right. Deion: You feel what I'm saying? But it seemed like the volume is a little louder on the devil's side. You get me? Like every. Jhalil: Yeah. Especially right now. Right. Tya Moore: That's a fake. Deion: Yeah, like all the conversations I hear is like people nagging about stuff and I'm like, damn, they Tya Moore: Mm. Deion: allow that to like be in the midst of their relationship and and get it all muddy and and split y'all up. Like this not even your stuff. You get what I'm saying? Like. Tya Moore: Right, I agree. But, Star: But wait, can't you can't you Tya Moore: no. Star: can't you look at it like this? Because you said the the devil is like they the loudest. But isn't the saying the weakest person in the room is always the loudest person in the room? Maybe the devil is louder because the devil is ultimately losing. So it's trying to be louder to overpower that is losing his power. Deion: It gotta stay relevant. You absolutely right. Like, and that's the only Star: Yeah, yeah. Deion: way. But that's why I say like we carry it too though. That's Tya Moore: Right. Deion: why we gotta dig inside ourselves and separate that motherfucker. You feel me? Cause like, you know, on the everyday as human shit. I got some devil shit. You know Tya Moore: Right. Deion: what I mean? I got I got my guy shit too. Like, and I'm trying to make that the louder. Tya Moore: There you go. Deion: You know what I'm saying? Noise and and it's only happening in hindsight and in my maturity. When I was a young boy, Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. No, shout out to you. Deion: like it was it was all double, you feel me? Tya Moore: Listen! Sunny: What star say it? A Hill King? Tya Moore: A HILK KING! That's Star: That's a hell Tya Moore: a HILK Star: kid. Tya Moore: KING right there. Jhalil: real sick. Tya Moore: That's what we call that. Even if you can recognize that, that's all it takes because healing is inevitable. You'll be like, I'm healed, healed. Nope, you missed something. So that's my thing. You're always healing, right? But the reason why I said social media elevated it because conversations like this don't make it to the algorithm. You rarely see any Jhalil: Yeah. Tya Moore: conversation of people speaking against the gender war going viral. You see Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: the gender war going viral. You don't really see conversations about it. You know what I'm saying? Jhalil: If we was beefing, come on. This should'd be cragging. Sunny: This should be this this will be a a double click. It'd be it'd be poppin' poppin'. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: People will scroll right past us because we're talking about something they don't want to hear. Star: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: The word that a lot of people don't like is we're holding people accountable. We're holding Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: men and women accountable as being responsible for the gender war. It's not one gender responsible for Sunny: Yeah, plus their out their algorithms too. Tya Moore: the gender war. Star: Yeah. Sunny: Yeah, and and plus the way social media is, it it's your algorithm of what you watch. If if you Tya Moore: Right. Right. Deion: There we go. Sunny: if you hearing Sue bash dudes up left and right, and that's all you sat there and watched that whole content, that's all your content about the flow is. So it it it goes like you you used Jhalil: Yeah Sunny: to social media, somebody break up, right? Now they 'cause you our our cellphones listen to to us. It break up. Now everything is you, you, you better without him. It'll it'll It'll be all and then you start posting them because it's in your and you start believing like you may have been the problem, but now you saying Joe was a problem and Joe wasn't a problem, it was you, but that the algorithm is catered to you. So if you're not I wanna say educated, but if you're not in in in like mindedness with real last conversations and not just batch wars, you're not gonna get no content that that's gonna give you real ass conversation unless that's what you're looking for. Jhalil: Yeah, that's that's why we chose the harder bad or Tya Moore: And I don't really hear these conversations in real life. Jhalil: like what you say, sus? I'm sorry. Tya Moore: don't really hear these conversations in real life. Maybe I just don't be like, you know what saying? Like when I'm going places and talking to people, like off of social media, these aren't the conversations that they're having. I'm seeing black, healthy marriages, black, healthy relationships, or, you know, people that don't care for the gender war. You know what I mean? That's why I feel like it's intentional and it was done intentionally. On social media where everybody is, where everybody, like every time it's like a celebrity situation. The gender wars start back up again. Like when Megan Thee Stallion and Klay broke up. my God. Now y'all going to add it with each other over two people y'all don't even know. You know what I'm saying? That's what Jhalil: None of us know, like Star: Yeah, that was insane. Tya Moore: I'm saying. And I'm like, damn, this shit ain't never going to end because like every time something happened, here we go again. Jhalil: And that shit had us be like that shit had people beefing, beefing, like, no, you did like, but that's why that's exactly why we chose to have a platform where it's like we speak on the shit that's untouched. Like where Sunny: Yeah. Jhalil: people not, you know, where people not having these Tya Moore: Yeah. Jhalil: type of conversations, like we not just taking the easy route. Cause we can get on here and talk Tya Moore: Mmm. Jhalil: shit, talk thorough and and all of this shit that's not helping us. Tya Moore: Right. Jhalil: But no, we Tya Moore: Right. Jhalil: are ready to attack the things that, you know, that bring us closer together so we can really build shit. Like and we can really get an understanding. So like I ain't gonna lie, we we fuck with main character energy. Like I ain't gonna lie, like for sure, for sure, like. Sunny: That's what's up, that's what's up. Tya Moore: Ayyyy Like that's our whole thing. You know, we all over 40. We all moms. We all been through a whole lot of stuff. You know what I'm saying? And we just trying to bring those conversations. And the one thing I don't care about is the label Sunny: think I'm the only grandma? Tya Moore: pick me. Cause you know women get labeled pick me. Most of our fans are not females. You know what I'm saying? It's because they don't like. when we talk about male postpartum depression, because now it doesn't only allow that to be a female thing. We don't feel like it is. You know what I'm saying? When we talking about, you know, trauma bonds, and that was our last episode, you know, that we did with Slice about, you know, you got trauma Sunny: Yeah, yeah. Tya Moore: bonds in your life. You know what I mean? Because some people only connected to somebody because there's a trauma bond. There's literally nothing else, you know what mean, going on. If you healed the dead tomorrow, they'd be gone. So, you know I'm saying? So we have those kind I mean, you know, we say funny stuff or, You know, we try to have a balance because, you know, you still want it to be entertaining. But Jhalil: Right. Tya Moore: there's a lot of subject matters that we've had that you have not Sunny: Like real real conversation. Tya Moore: seen on any other female podcast. And Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: that was part of it. Like you don't just want to be a typical female podcast. You know what I'm saying? So or a Star: Right. Tya Moore: Red Pill podcast in general. That's why people speak so negatively about podcasts, because they think it's all about the gender war. All they do is beef. All they do is, you know what mean, argue. And we've been having males on our show since like episode, almost every episode we had a male on the show. So, you know, Sunny: Yeah, almost every episode, yeah. Thank yeah, of yeah, yeah. Tya Moore: yeah. Jhalil: Then they give like they give other cultures and people on the outside all this ammunition Star: yeah. Uh-huh. Jhalil: to be like, that's how black people think. Like and then it's like, Tya Moore: Right. Jhalil: no, bro, y'all absolutely wrong. We think about all of this shit. Like we get put in the center and put in the spotlight, that's not really what it is. Like, this Sunny: Yeah. Jhalil: really what it is. Like Tya Moore: I mean, if you could destroy the black family, listen, America is winning. You Star: Yeah. Tya Moore: know what mean? And they've been doing that for ages. they let us Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: off the plantation, were so, no, since the plantation, they've been destroying black families. You know what I'm saying? Sunny: Since the plantation, yeah. Tya Moore: And now they're finding different ways to do it. And we just gotta be stronger than that. You know what I mean? Sunny: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: That's how I feel about it. I think. When both sides can say we heard each other and work from there, then it can work. Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: Until people stop, no, you heard me, no, you heard me, you know heard me, black man heard black man, until that stops, it's going to continue. Jhalil: gonna keep beef. Deion: It's kinda it's kinda hard like you know slave Sunny: Yeah. Deion: slavery did a number on us. Like the time. Tya Moore: Mmm, mmm, mmm, and it's... Sunny: And we and we and we haven't recovered from that. Like we still we we still somewhat in Deion: It's real true. Sunny: in that mindset of of a lot of things, we still stuck in a sense. Like it's Tya Moore: Mm, yes. Deion: No, you didn't use Sunny: and it's crazy 'cause like even like you could think about the stuff they went through back then and if we still like like we we we've been like we even cla created the Black Lives Matter movement and it's still we we like we still shown to this day. Like we we still shown to this day that our our lives don't matter. We're we're like, you know. We got peop black Jhalil: Yeah, yeah. Sunny: people hanging from trees and and and then they saying, it's suicide. Like this like we this isn't it's nothing. Like we we got Nolan Wells. It's we still don't know what's going on with that. They they still walking that a walking that around and so many things. And it's like we we got Tya Moore: No, no, no. Sunny: I wish, but like at this rate, it's it's it seemed like I don't I don't wanna say it's getting worse, but it's not. Like it's no matter what we're doing, it's still they still trying to put us back a peg. Tya Moore: So I'm gonna give y'all a deep thing, right? Huh? I'm sorry, go ahead. Deion: Let me let me ask y'all let me ask y'all this job real quick though. Like a serious Jones like Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: Are y'all asceptive to like the individual individuality of a woman now? Or like do y'all think like the submissive position of the traditional, let's say traditional woman is is what should be happening right now. Tya Moore: Well, I don't really feel like those are two different things. You can be an individual and still be submissive, because submissive to me just means, you know. Star: I was about to say what's the difference? Deion: talking about traditional like you wouldn't be able to be sitting here on a podcast with us talking to men. So no, you can't do what you individually want to. Tya Moore: yeah, nah, nah, mm-mm. Mm-mm. Nope, nope, nope. Individu. Sunny: No, but see here's the thing. I don't even think in this time, like in this it like and I said this on our podcast, the this time or this economy, like it it realistically, it'll be a bunch of black men struggling. Because this this economy alone is not is not fit for one person o Tya Moore: Yeah, y'all can't do it by yourselves. Sunny: one yeah, a one income household. Like if if it was I could see Deion: If we was in control, then yeah, it would make sense, but Sunny: Because is is and and unfortunately that's not that's not a reality. Tya Moore: Right. Here you go. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: But we're not in control. Yeah. Tya Moore: Well, so when you said like, wouldn't be sitting on this podcast, let me tell you something. I ain't dealing with nobody that tell me that I can't podcast. Because me podcasting is not going to affect my role in your life. And you're not going want to be with me if I can't podcast. Because this is what I do. And I've been doing it for a really, really, really long time. You know what I'm saying? And that's right. And you would not want to Jhalil: He could be sitting right there next to you. You good? Tya Moore: be with me if I can't do it, because now I'm going to be unhappy. This is a part of who I am. Deion: So I do you you feel like you a new woman? Y'all are new women. Tya Moore: Y'all do! Deion: 85 and up. Tya Moore: I do feel like we're new women. Deion: Eighty five minutes. Sunny: Eighty five and up. I'm eighty three. I'm eighty three baby. Tya Moore: So, no, I'm 81. Deion: Eight in three. Star: I'm eighty three. Deion: Eighties. All right, eighties and up. Sunny: But I just Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: I mean Deion: Y'all feel like now y'all Tya Moore: I'm a new woman. Deion: knew y'all feel like now y'all new women or what when y'all was raised by your mom, did Tya Moore: Yeah, I feel like now I feel like I'm a new woman. Right. Deion: y'all feel like that's how y'all was gonna be? And now Sunny: I raised in a two parent household. Deion: it's different. Tya Moore: that I feel like that's how I was going to be. I was raised in a house with my grandparents and my mom. this is the thing. I feel like I'm a new woman because I have a lot of that, but I also still have my own life too. You know what I'm saying? I would know how to balance it all. I think people used to feel like it had to be one or the other, right? So let's take Savannah James, LeBron James' wife, right? So she said like a week ago that, Her daughter said, mom, I want to be just like you. She said that terrified her because all this time she's never used her voice. She was never confident in giving her opinion. She just, LeBron James wife. You know what I'm saying? And everybody was praising her for that, but the whole time that wasn't who she wanted to be. Now she got a podcast, she talking every week. You know what I'm saying? So at the end of the day, I think that back in the day, people made women feel like you only supposed to want to be a wife and a mother. and nothing else. But what has been shown is that you can do it all. One does not have to, you know, replace the other two roles. You can do it all. Sunny: Yeah. That's balance. Yeah. And I feel like Jhalil: That's that's real rate. And I agree with what you said too. Like it would be it like that's the reason now I feel like it's it's so much struggle. Cause it's like, all right, yeah, like you know, a man can run the whole show or whatever, but like I run a Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: business with my wife, you feel me? And it's like certain certain Tya Moore: Yeah. Jhalil: certain spaces, certain conversations and all of that, like I can't that's like you feel me, I can't get in those realms 'cause they look at me a certain way. So it's like Tya Moore: There you go. Right. Jhalil: Certain like Queens can get in a spot where Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: kings can't always get. So it's like that partnership that boosts us to the top in this day and age. Like if this was back Tya Moore: I loved it. Jhalil: in the day and I just worked at the factory and made a hundred Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: thousand, hundred twenty and back in back in those days, cool, but it's not that now. You see how like everything raised in price, but not wages. So it's like Sunny: And even back then it was a struggle. Even even back then it was a struggle. The the Great Depression had people going up trying to find different different jobs and people were struggling. Even with the one income back then they were struggling. They just was that's that's Tya Moore: I don't know. Jhalil: Yeah, yeah. Sunny: what it was, so that's what they were doing. I feel like too, as like to to more to tie his point, like you could do a lot of stuff. Like I was raised in a two parent household, I saw two people work and do do what they needed to do to maintain the household. I know that that's that's that's something I I I want for me. And currently we're you know, we go we be we in that we in that realm. We working in you know, doing life together. But I do feel like I in this day and age, like you that was now if if a woman wants a man with money, right, that she does not want to work, it's seen that she's a gold digger, she's after his money, right? So and and like even like when when me and my me and my boyfriend talk, like God forbid something happened to him. If it was a one income household. God forbid something happened to him. What are we supposed to do? Get on social services when now I'm an able body and I could work? Like, so it it balances it out. And like, I don't want to be in a work workforce at 60 because he got sick and now I gotta figure it out because his pension ain't ain't gonna last us the rest of our lives. And we got kids to raise off the college and stuff like that. So like why? I mean, like I said, in this in this economy in this year, or even even beyond this year, years prior. I don't think that that's feasible right now because like we talked about on our show, like if if something happens to you, we we're gonna struggle. Or I'm gonna watch Tya Moore: Thank Sunny: you struggle to make sure we can ends meet because I wanna be this woman that's just in the house being taken care of. I mean, Tya Moore: you Sunny: I mean, realistically with some people like that, yeah. Not me. I'm I'm I'm a worker, but I've been working since I was seventh grade. I don't I don't know how to sit down. Like I just I just work. Tya Moore: Yeah, me either. Sunny: So for me, it it wouldn't be feasible. Deion: So even with even with your even with your ch your child, like you wouldn't wanna be twenty four seven? Sunny: No, because un so like to put a for the parents who can do it, even Star: You said B with her child 247. Sunny: even parents can do it. It's it's it's one of those things that if you can do it, you can do it. I I've raised him for the most part on my own. I don't have the luxury of sitting at home and on top of that, I I need breaks. Work is a break for me. I can decompress and talk to real people and then come back and and and and be able to show up for him the way I need to show up for him. This is why I said go back to when I said I left the one stressful job. the long stressful title that I had to go to a different title so I could be less stressed because I have to deal with him. I can't take no days off. So when he's not having a good day, it doesn't matter if I'm not having a good day. I still gotta show up the way I need to show up for him and help him. So I don't need to be stressed where like I said, I was in a place of depression. I had to step out of that I had to take first time to take a back seat. I had to get help so I can still can help my child. So no matter what I'm going through, I still need to be there for him and like You g you gotta find the balance and the balance for me was taking a less stressful title and so I can show up for him how I needed to show up for him. And if for me right now, I can't. I would not work. I would not be able to not work. Well, I would probably be able to not work and be there for him. But even still he going to school. What I'm gonna while he's at school? Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: So I will I w I like to be productive. So me working, I I now my work schedule works for him. I can put him on the bus and I can come back and get him. I'm good. And work with him throughout the day and and I got him all weekend I survived. But like, yeah, no, being at Tya Moore: and. Sunny: home twenty four seven, I would be I didn't even stay home for bonding leave when I had him. I like, Okay, I'm ready to go back to work. I don't I'm just sitting here. He just sleeping, I ain't got shit to do. I mean ain't I just gotta feed him and and clothe him and wash him up. But like he literally sleeping all day. Like what am I I got I gotta go back to work 'cause this just not who I am to sit there. Deion: I feel ya, I feel your energy. Sunny: Yeah. Like I love that baby. Tya Moore: You know what's weird? Jhalil: I can't I can't sit home for twenty four seven either. Like I can't Sunny: Like, I love him. Jhalil: just do it. I I can't do it period. Like so I Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: wouldn't expect like my spouse or a woman to just be like, all right, well, in this day and time to just no, you sit Sunny: Yeah, I went out of work. Jhalil: in the crib, I'ma make everything. Like I'm cool with it. Right. Sunny: Yeah. I went out for work for two weeks and still was bored, like, what the hell? And my hand was I had surgery on my hand and I was out of work for two weeks. I like, Okay, no, I gotta go back to work. This is this is crazy talk. Deion: So y'all think this concept is this Jhalil: Born is Deion: concept was man-made and not God made. Sunny: It it it probably was God made, but like I said, we we talking past past biblical times. We we talking past times when women ain't have n nothing. But at the same time, a lot of them women that was dealing with that or not not a lot of them, but most of them were probably getting ass beat. Tya Moore: that. You want to know why? Because God gave us these gifts. He ain't just Sunny: That part too. Tya Moore: giving them to you not to use them. So I don't know about that. I don't know about that. That's a good question but I feel like God gave women, know, lot of these women who are doing things and still wives, He gave us these gifts. God given talent. You know what I'm saying? And who are you not Deion: Yeah yeah. Tya Moore: to use it? So I don't know. That's a good question though. Sunny: If if God made me Deion: Yeah. Now Sunny: a house a homemaker, then that's what I was supposed to be all my life. But he ain't make me that way. I've been moving since I was since I got I got a job at at in the seventh grade. Jhalil: Sheez, that's crazy. Sunny: I've been working Tya Moore: No Sunny: ever since. I took three years off of working and it was stressful. Jhalil: But man, God cooked Tya Moore: Me too. Jhalil: you, huh? Sunny: He took me to work and I'm a worker Tya Moore: I'm good, I am. Sunny: being. Deion: I mean, you was born into your family that ultimately was already set and then that happened with you. You get what I'm saying? But like we I mean like if we take it back to like the beginning of what we understand, right? Or what they've been trying teach us is that women women had to fight for voting and all of that stuff, even bla Tya Moore: I'm gonna go. Deion: even the white women wasn't inclusive in in the main world. Sunny: Nie. Tya Moore: Right. That's what the feminist movement was about. Deion: You get what I'm saying? So so that's what I mean, like that type of dictatorship, like Men that try say like that came from God and then they giving it to the women like that, but Sunny: But it might not have been. Tya Moore: But it might not have been. Deion: And at the same time, it's like I understand this earth to like evolve. Sunny: Yeah. Star: Yeah, to me, it's like evolution. Deion: So even if that was the beginning, we had a time Tya Moore: Yes. Deion: where like women is necessary to everything. Tya Moore: Right. Deion: Even before this this time, women Sunny: It was women helping it it was women help helping back when we was kings and queens. It was women helping with with with Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: Yeah, very sick. Sunny: with with the civil rights movement. We was out here we was out Tya Moore: It was women helping during war times. Sunny: here doing a lot during the civil rights movement. There's a lot of stuff that women help with. Tya Moore: Right! Jhalil: Yeah, you couldn't even be a king without a queen. You feel me? So it Sunny: That part. Tya Moore: Ayy, that boy. Jhalil: was like, come on, bro. Like, yeah. Sunny: We was out here Tya Moore: Damn porr- Deion: Yeah. Sunny: doing we we was out here supporting our kings. And they w and when they fell Tya Moore: That's right. Sunny: we w we we we was we was handed the brains to to do what we needed to do. So like at the end of the day, we're your as I and that's that's the thing. I feel like most not most, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna correct myself because I have a big thing with how people say things, but some men don't want a helpmate. Like we're here, if if I'm with you, we're we're helping each other. But Mm some men like for w to be able to help women but don't want a woman to help them. It's like Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Jhalil: and I'm Deion: Right. Now let's break that down. Let's stay there. Naturally, what do y'all feel like women come with as natural and women come with natural? Like naturally, I feel like that's a natural thing. Like we feel like we gotta be needed. Like we'll I don't I don't even feel myself if I'm not needed by and I don't know if I'm programmed that way. Sunny: No, I think that's a healthy Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: way to think. Like you you you want to feel like you're you're there for a reason. That makes sense. The same way the but it's Jhalil: Exactly. Tya Moore: Right, but you Deion: Yeah. Sunny: but the same thing said about women. I don't wanna just be here. Deion: But not abusive though. Sunny: Yes. Yeah, but and Yeah. Jhalil: Yeah, not abusive like Tya Moore: So you want to feel needed, right? But that shouldn't be the only thing that fulfills you, right? You shouldn't Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: not feel needed because you need help. That's where, that's the disconnect. You're still going to be needed all the time. Deion: Yeah, yeah. Tya Moore: You might not just not be needed here. You know I'm saying? But you're Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: still going to be needed all the time in different ways. Deion: Yeah, no. Tya Moore: That's why I say when men be like, the women don't need men. We absolutely do. Even if she got money, She might need you to talk to the mechanic. She might need you to talk to, you know, the contractor that comes here. Like, there's a lot of things that a woman can need a man for that has nothing to do with money. That's why I hate these financial conversations because people think that's the end all be all. That's not, like when they talk about, I hate to bring it up, but when they talk about 50-50, Star: The the financial conversations mostly come from broke broke men though. Tya Moore: Yeah, and women, entitled women. sorry. Star: Like how I'm a gold digger and you ain't got no damn gold. Deion: You said store a shot. Jhalil: Yeah, see came out of nowhere. Star: How am I gold digger Deion: That sounds like Star: if you have no gold? Deion: some shots. A big star. They sound like shots. Star: I'm Sunny: No, but it d it it it but like I I no but it it do be it it do Star: I don't have any gun. Tya Moore: Did I say entire woman? Ooh, Sunny: be a mixture of both. It be broke broke men Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: that that that be and and this is I I feel like you're coming from a place of broke people like all right. So like if I meet you and you know I have this, like I can maintain my life, you see my life and I can maintain myself. And then you come in perpetrating that you got it like that, but then now It's it's a thing between me and you because you really don't have it. You portrayed to be one where you don't. So now you have this problem, you have this complex. Deion: In Sunny: But I also feel like it's so many Deion: That's another thing I think like the the instigator threw at us and make us fight about. Cause we don't, we don't Sunny: Yeah. 'Cause the fifty fifty conversation be be hilarious. Tya Moore: Yes. Deion: ain't no man, ain't no black men in control of the economy. So Tya Moore: Right. Deion: financially you just can't you pick you can't pick and choose how you you know I mean like I know we can look at men and be like, all right, they made it through and got some money, but If it ain't the whole shebang, it's like you get what I'm saying? Like, what we talking Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: Well, Deion: about? Tya Moore: I think that a lot of people live beyond their means, Like, if you got two people that made, what, over Star: Ho ho ho ho ho Tya Moore: $50,000, that's a lot of money. What? Star: I'm just saying like don't tell all my Sunny: What happened? Tya Moore: What? Star: business on here. Go ahead. Sunny: There you go. Come sick to death for her. Tya Moore: I'm not even talking about you. But I'm just saying in general, like, people be like Jhalil: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tya Moore: 50, like, like women will say, I'm not going 50 50. You know, I mean, that's a roommate. That's some internet stuff, right? No man that is in my house that is my man is my roommate, nor will he be looked at as my roommate, because we make around the same amount of money. And we're both contributing to this household. that his, you know, the level of respect you have for somebody should not be tied to money. And that's one of the biggest things that it is, right? The more money he got, the more you let him do. The more money he got, the more he can say this, he can say that. No, it should not be tied to that. That's the issue I had with the 50-50 Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: conversation and the whole roommate thing, right? Because I'm on my own, right? I'm paying 100 % of everything. If I had somebody paying half of what I'm paying, how much money I got in my pocket now? Jhalil: That's it better, right? That's it way better than paying all this shit by yourself. Tya Moore: On top of, I've got somebody here exactly. That's what I don't understand that people don't get. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: Now, here's an addition. I got companionship every day. I got somebody here helping me make decisions. I got more protection because there's a man in Sunny: In house balls and PP, what I'm just saying. Tya Moore: the house. On top of having more money in my pocket. Deion: Yeah. That's a win. Jhalil: 'Cause a man naturally Sunny: And that's yeah. Jhalil: gonna be like, No, I'ma handle this, I'ma handle this, I'ma handle this but then it's like, all right, it might be some additional shit. All right, you just pay the phone bill. I'll pay the mortgage, Tya Moore: Man! Sunny: Yeah, yeah. Jhalil: I'll pay the cart, I'll pay all that other shit, but just pay the mortgage or something. All right, you feel me? Get the groceries for this month. Sunny: Yeah, yeah. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: And yeah, well, and then I said the other thing is, and I always say this, right? So it's like in order in this economy for most men to be able to pay all the bills means he's working all the time. So he's paying all the Sunny: Hey, never home. Tya Moore: bills to not be in a house that he's paying all the bills for, because he's always at work. So how are y'all even having a relationship? How are y'all even enjoying each other? Then it will be, you never spend no time with me. Yeah, because I'm always at work. Deion: Mm. Tya Moore: Because you want me to pay all these bills. Sunny: Pay all these bills. Yeah. Tya Moore: Like, you know what Jhalil: Exactly. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: I'm saying? That's why I feel like the disconnect be like, how can I pay all these bills? And I work 70 hours, 80 hours because you are not working, right? And then you say, don't spend no time Sunny: Why say Tya Moore: with you. Where is the time? Sunny: And this is this is why I say in this economy and this in this life, it ain't that's not feasible to just be solely dependent on one income because that means you do you're gonna lack that Tya Moore: I'm not saying. Mm-mm. Sunny: companionship. You're gonna lack that togetherness and all that stuff that comes with that. Tya Moore: There you go. Right. Sunny: And I wanna see you. Jhalil: Yo, they gon' y'all they gonna call y'all pick me's after this episode. Y'all snap. Y'all keeping it too real. Sunny: I'm not gonna pick me. Well, mine's already picked me, so Tya Moore: That's my nickname, Pick Misha. Star: Ha ha ha. Tya Moore: Pick Misha is my nickname. Sunny: Mine's already got me, so he's stuck. And I don't need nobody to take my black ass. I'm good. And I definitely don't want to get picked. Leave me alone. Tya Moore: And I ain't trying to get picked. In reality, I'm not the type of woman that the men do pick. They want somebody that thinks the other way and they want to change them into me. But that's a whole nother conversation. Sunny: Yeah, we're not gonna yeah, but like yeah, I'm I'm definitely not a pygmy but standing on business. Well that's a well that shows what their character is then. Jhalil: I'm just saying that the women gonna call y'all that cause y'all really being transparent and keeping it real, like that shit is against the Star: They be the same woman saying Jhalil: narrative. Star: that they don't need a man and they scared to pick up a fucking dead mouse. So who cares? Sunny: no. See people. Jhalil: Right. Tya Moore: What? Sunny: I'm definitely scared to pick up a dead mouse, that's why I got me one. Okay, I got me one. I'm not doing that. I'm going I'm gonna run, Tya Moore: Yeah, me too. I ain't doing that. I'll sweep it. I'll sweep it in a dustpan, but I ain't freaking nothing about that, boss. Jhalil: Yeah. Star: Exactly, exactly. Sunny: I'm gonna scream, and I need you to come save me. That's very simple. I I'm a tomboy, Star: Exactly. Sunny: but I don't play about bugs and rodents. Come save me. Tya Moore: worry about the Pick Me title, because I feel like it stems from the fact that y'all believe that all women think the same way. You know what I'm saying? We don't all think the same way. And I think that's where the Pick Me comes from. You're assuming that I feel this way because I'm trying to get men's attention. But if when I'm offline and I'm talking to my girlfriends and I'm talking the same way, who am I trying to get picked by then? I'm me 24-7 in front of a man. Not in front of a man. So I'm not trying to get picked by anybody. I just keep it real. I got more logic than emotion. That might be why it sounds like I could be a pick-me because I don't see everything from an emotional standpoint. I also don't have entitlement. You know what I'm saying? And I'm Sunny: Mm. Tya Moore: a fair person. So a lot of women have this idea that they're entitled to all these things from men. I don't. I don't. I don't feel that way. You know what I'm Sunny: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: saying? I want a partnership. Jhalil: Yeah, and I'm just Tya Moore: That's why I used that word. Jhalil: I'm just betting on y'all too. I ain't you know, I ain't saying that's what it is or nothing like that. I'm just I'm just Sunny: Listen, mine's mine's pick me, so if I'm gonna pick me, I'll stand Tya Moore: Yeah, I know. Sunny: on it. I don't care. Call me and pick me if you want. He did pick me. He did. Tya Moore: I'm not a picnic, but you should pick me. I'm just saying. I'm Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: But are you Tya Moore: not a picnic, but you should pick Deion: like are you are you conf Tya Moore: me. Sunny: Mm. Deion: are you conflicted, Tyya, like? Tya Moore: About what? Deion: Like you want a partner but you will say that's why nobody would pick me. Tya Moore: Well, I was being facetious when I said that because I've seen a lot of men choose certain women, right? And then want to turn them into someone who thinks like me. Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: I don't know if it's a challenge. You know what mean? I don't know what it is, but I've seen that a lot. You know what I mean? And then it don't work out because that person is who they are. They don't think that way. And they're not going to start thinking that way because you think you can make them think that way. Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: So I'm not conflicted about it. You know, I have increased my self-awareness. I know who I am. I believe in what I believe in. Like I'm being a hundred percent honest with you right now. I'm not conflicted. just know that, and you know what I hear from a lot of men though? They believe that all women are the same, right? And then when they see somebody who thinks differently, it's like, nah, she ain't really like that. I get that a lot, but I really am like that. I've heard it plenty of times. Nah, you're eventually start thinking that way too. I'm not, I'm almost 45 years old. I'm still... Same, I mean, I'm better than I've ever been, but I'm saying, you know, I've never been that person. Deion: You understand it though? You understand it? Tya Moore: Understand what? Deion: While a guy would say that. Tya Moore: why he would say, yeah, yeah, yeah. I I've Deion: That's all. Tya Moore: gotten into debates with women in real life about some of this stuff, because they don't feel this way. You know what I mean? Or they'll look at me like, well, you willing to settle. To me, it's only settling if it's not something I want to do. Like, if I'm doing it because I don't think I can do better, then it's settling. But if it's what I want to do, I don't look at it as settled. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: Because when I'm tired of doing something and don't want to do something, I know how to exit stage left. Sunny: Mm. Tya Moore: So, you know, if I'm in something or I'm doing something, it's because of what I want to do. As far as even where I'm taking on a date. you went to Uncle Bobby's coffee shop on the first date? Sure did. Because I like it there. I'm an author. I like books. So it's like, you know what I mean? But to somebody else, like, no. Sunny: What work for me may not work for you, yeah. Tya Moore: Right. You should have had them take you somewhere else. He probably think you don't know Deion: No, Tya Moore: your worth. My worth ain't attached to money or where somebody takes me. Deion: Yeah. That's good. I I wanna talk about that too, right? Like, in a dating realm, Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: right? Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: I see a lot of times like a lot of profiles say, like, you know, you gotta take me on a date and stuff like that, right? Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: And I'm like, If somebody don't know you and stuff like that and they go on a date, I'm trying to understand like what's the purpose of it if you not designing it for yourself. If y'all understand what I'm saying. Tya Moore: Wait, explain designing it for yourself. Sunny: You asking about going on a date? Yeah. Tya Moore: Designing it for yourself, what you mean by that? Deion: Like to allow the man to it like, you know, courtship is like, you Tya Moore: Uh-uh. Deion: know, have a date ready, be intentional Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Deion: when you dating me. you know, all of these type of things. It feels like you p you leaving it to a man to choose on how he gonna deal with you and you giving him kind of blueprint on how Tya Moore: Mmm. Deion: to like play you with for less better words, or to like Tya Moore: god. Deion: Get with he won and duck. Tya Moore: Mm-hmm. Sunny: Well no. Deion: And instead of like instead of leading it and Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: being in control of it all. I be trying to understand Sunny: Well no, because if you ask somebody Tya Moore: Yeah, I agree. Deion: that. Sunny: No, because if you ask me out on a date, you should know where you wanna take me. By the conversation, I'm talking about we we talked for however many couple times, maybe six, seven times already. Like we got a weekend of conversating and talking and getting to know each other. If you ask me to go out with you, I'm assuming you have someplace you wanna take me, right? And I shouldn't have to tell you where to take me. I I was I'm not gonna go on on this podcast, but Talia know I went on a five hour date that this man got me in his car and didn't know where he was taking me. And like basically you could have just we could have just been talking on the phone. We ain't have to go on a date because you didn't know where you wanted take me. I'm not I'm sorry, I'm not going to tell you where to take me. I like if he Deion: Yeah. Sunny: if we're talking and we have suggestions of where we can go, we can have that conversation. But at the end of the day, I'm expecting you to pick where we're going. And like but Tya Moore: Right. Sunny: based the commentation 'cause if I if I say I'm allergic to shellfish, not that I Star: My phone got overheated. Sunny: am, then you shouldn't take me anywhere with with with with shellfish or anything that has to get selfish or something like that where it's more optional than me. If I tell you I'm vegan, you're gonna look up some vegan options or where we should go or where you wanna take me. Those are me preempting where you could potentially take me. But if you ask me, you should be telling me you should be taking me where we're going. I should not be saying we should go here. Why? 'Cause that means I ask you on a date. Now if I ask you, hey, you want I wanna take y'all on a date. Deion: All right. Sunny: Then I'm gonna have where we're Deion: Now Sunny: going. Deion: on your scale, right? Tya Moore: Wait, wait a second. Deion: On your scale, then If you don't like the place then where we're what what happens there, look. Sunny: If it's not like if if the food Tya Moore: You know, I'll see. Sunny: is bad and he's and this Deion: Let's try again, buddy. Sunny: Yeah, if if if if the food is like as long as get as long as he's not awful on a date Yeah. As Tya Moore: Yeah, I wouldn't get rid of somebody because they put effort into finding a place, no. Sunny: long as he's not on the phone with his ex or, you know, asking his son to send him money to pay for the date. Tya Moore: Ha ha ha ha ha! Deion: I'm talking about like you don't like the food. Sunny: That's that has Tya Moore: That's right. Sunny: that has nothing to do with him. He he he can't control the food. He tried, he gets another shot. We just not we just not go in there. Tya Moore: Yeah, no, no, no, no, Deion: He tried. He tried. Okay. Jhalil: right, bad, bad. Deion: All right. Tya Moore: He put in the effort. I don't have an intro of somebody. Sunny: Now what you do on a day is a reason Jhalil: Right. Sunny: or not whether we go on again, but you know, just don't be on the phone with the with just on Tya Moore: Yeah, I don't know. Sunny: reacts and we good. Tya Moore: iffy about that whole thing. I'm sorry. Deion: But you think but you think choosing Star: Don't be on the phone with nobody. Deion: you wouldn't think choosing your own spot where you know wouldn't be better or Sunny: No, 'cause I feel like that's that's not I need I want a man that takes initiative. I'm not about to walk you through shit the same way. If if I want something or I wanna take you somewhere, I'm gonna show initiative and say, Hey babe, I wanna I wanna I wanna take us here. You you down, give give me a day and let's go. And that means I'm asking you somewhere so then I rightfully so I'm gonna pay because I want you to go this place. But if you ask me, you should have a place where you want me to go. And whether the food is bad or not, as long as our vibe is good, we good. Star: you Okay. Deion: So so what's the limitations? What's the limitations on men not mind readers? Cause I heard y'all say that earlier. Sunny: Was not you you don't have to be a mind reader. Go ahead. Star: Wait, wait, wait. Can I say something? Tya Moore: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Star: Not all dates, not all dates, but most dates come after phone conversation Jhalil: yeah. Star: and getting to know someone. So if y'all are already talking on the phone and getting to know each other prior to the date, things are being set in those conversations that can drop hints of where is somewhere appropriate to take that person. Now I'm sure if y'all on the phone after a couple of times and she's allergic to shellfish, you not taking her to Sunny: The very last year. Star: Red Lobster. Jhalil: Yeah. That's drawling, like Star: That's crazy. I'm going to take you to a crab piece. Sunny: 'cause then that 'cause then that shows that you wasn't listening. Deion: No Tya Moore: Unless he not listening. Star: Now that would be that would be the point where I'm gonna cut you off because if I tell you I'm allergic to shellfish, why would you take me to Baltimore Harbor to the all you can eat crab piece? That mean you don't pay attention and you don't care about me. Deion: I Tya Moore: please. Sunny: Yeah. Jhalil: Trying to take you out. Like that's crazy. Deion: I'm trying to kill you. Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Or if or if you had like a real bad nut allergy. Tya Moore: Yeah! Star: But other than that, here's my thing. If it's a good vibe, I'll be in the bathroom spitting that food in the toilet coming back like, yeah! Tya Moore: Exactly. Star: was y'all saying? Putting that shit in the net, to the side. Good. Sunny: That part. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: And we gonna kiki about how bad the food was later. You Sunny: Yeah. Deion: But y'all y'all don't think Tya Moore: know what I mean? Deion: y'all don't think that's too much, though. Sunny: No, 'cause Tya Moore: What? Sunny: how can he how can he control the food? He can't control if the food bad or not. You can control your behavior on a date. You can control your actions on a date. You can't control the Tya Moore: There you go. Sunny: food. If the food is bad, listen. Deion: I'm talking to y'all like y'all could y'all could y'all could Star: Sometimes you can go to the same place over and over again and they have a bad day. Don't tell me you never had a bad Tuesday from X's. And every like, God a day that bread was not fresh. Tya Moore: Whoa! Deion: But I'm saying like y'all could y'all can turn the y'all could turn the volume down on how serious that is. Tya Moore: What? How serious what is? Deion: What y'all talking about? What we talking about? Sunny: About the about going out on the first date and and you don't know where you wanna take me and I gotta tell you. That's not doing it. We're not going on a date. Tya Moore: So listen, I don't have a problem. Deion: That's so heavy. Tya Moore: I don't have a problem with giving a suggestion. I've done it. Sunny: Yeah, suggestion is one thing, but I'm not telling you where to take me on the first date. Tya Moore: I I'm still like if somebody say do you have do you have any place in mind that you wanted to try like do you have somewhere you know you thought about going it's nothing wrong with that you know what I'm saying and then what he could do is make the reservation I'm gonna pick you up at this time so it's still initiative it's still leading it's just him also Jhalil: Right. Tya Moore: you know wanting to make sure we going somewhere that you're comfortable with you know what I'm saying but I think sometimes women Sunny: Yeah. Just don't drive around for five hours. Tya Moore: don't Women don't want to choose because you don't want to say Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: nothing that's too expensive either for your pockets. Because if I'm like, yeah, I want to go to Kitchen and Cocktails, you're going to be like, Kitchen and Cocktails is like $300. But you asked me where I wanted to go, right? So that's part of reason why they probably should choose. I I would never say a place like that. I would never say anything that expensive. But I think that's sometimes why women don't want to choose. Sunny: I'm just saying don't drive around for five hours not knowing where to go. Star: Okay. Okay. Deion: Give me Jhalil: Mm. Deion: So so how would you how would you how would you project that? Like would you look at him like all right, he got a chain on, he might do the three hundred? Or like how would you Sunny: No, that does no, that's a no, Tya Moore: No, I wouldn't do that. Sunny: nobody not all females do that. Tya Moore: I don't believe, first of all, first of all, I'm not a fan of dates. I'm not a Jhalil: Make it change we fake. Tya Moore: fan, I'm not a fan of dinner dates at all. Like, I think that is the most lamest thing that could possibly happen on a first date. I think a first date should be somewhere, it don't gotta be somewhere like that. Sunny: I'm a foodie. I'm sorry. I like food. Feed me. I'm Star: Me too! Sunny: not going to your house. Your house is not a date. Your house is not a date. Tya Moore: say his house though i didn't say that it's a whole Deion: Yeah, but Tya Moore: lot of things like i just said uncle bobby's coffee shop they got stuff you know whatever but Star: drink coffee. Sunny: Me either. Tya Moore: they got other stuff besides i don't drink coffee either they got other stuff besides coffee it's just a vibe it's just a vibe it's just a vibe you know what mean Deion: Yeah. I would tire you though like I I Jhalil: Hey y'all don't drink coffee, that's crazy. Deion: appreciate that a lot more because let's that's that's cut the games. If it ain't if it ain't about no Star: my kid. Tya Moore: Right. Deion: games, then we can meet real simple. We can meet somewhere real simple and Sunny: Yeah, 'cause I I went on a first date. We we walked through the Tya Moore: Right, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you just want to get to know Sunny: park. I went on a first date. Tya Moore: each other. Right, that's what I'm saying. Sunny: Yeah. I went on the first date with a guy, we walked through the park. It was fun. Deion: Yeah. We can see if if we need to go on a date farther, like Tya Moore: Bye! Star: When y'all walked in the park, did he bring a sandwich or something? Sunny: No, so like we we ended up I forget where the f I don't I forget what we was doing that day. Like we we hung out, I think we went bowling or something like that. And then we we walked through the I I think we walked through the park and Star: You'll be hungry though. Sunny: then then went bowling or something like that. Deion: I'm sorry, you're done. Star: Be hungry! Sunny: No, I think we I think we walked through the park and and and and Jhalil: Mm yeah. Tya Moore: Who's there in there? Sunny: just talked and then we went bowling. And it was a good day, like 'cause we didn't even have Star: wow. Sunny: to go bowling. It w it was a vibe during like the conversation was dope. Like for me, I'm a talker. I I do podcasting. Hello. But yeah, I'm a I was a talker. So we just walked through the park, Star: Yeah. Sunny: chopped it up, and then we was like, let's go do something fun. We went bowling. It was like even not even on the thought of like we just wanted to meet up 'cause you know the conversation was vibing and we ended up I was like, listen, I like to walk through the park at night. So we walked back At that part I lived like live like a a overpass where it's like by water and shit and you could see like the bridges and shit. And we just had a good vibe but we was just talking. And then we decided like look, I I called my baby sister, like, can you can you can you keep the kid longer? Keep my son longer. It was like, Yep, we went to we went bown bowling and had a good little time. Star: I'm not gonna lie though, my mind just went straight to the gunner. Like, so you was walking in a park at night. Sunny: It was like eight o'clock at night. It was like eight o'clock at night. It was like eight o'clock at night. It wasn't it wasn't late. Jhalil: And night, nice hard. You had the gap. Star: For the first time with a man. Was it o'clock in July or 8 o'clock in October? That make a difference. Sunny: It was in the summer. It was i it was in the summertime. It was in the summertime. It was like it was it was a nice little vibe and we we ended up linking up and then it was like it Tya Moore: Okay, yeah, that is still light out. Yeah, listen Jhalil: Yeah, summertime makes yeah, it makes sense. October's too cold for that. Sunny: we had a real nice conversation, then we we took it bowling. Deion: He said we we listen and we don't judge. Tya Moore: I have to say some real picnic stuff. Listen Jhalil: Me Tya Moore: y'all, listen. I need everybody to listen. These women are going out with men that they don't like. When you like Deion: Okay. Tya Moore: a man, the location is irrelevant. And that's a fact. Okay? If you like him, the location is irrelevant. I also Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: think that people are going out with each other too fast. I usually talk to people for at least two to three weeks on the phone consistently, right? There's a lot of people been weeded out by me talking to them on the phone and we never made it to a date. You know what I'm saying? So, hey man, listen, you know I got some horrible day stories, but that's one of the reasons why I have Star: Okay. Sunny: Well, I wish I would've known that before I won that five hour date from hell, but you know. I tried. Jhalil: Yeah Tya Moore: the, you know, method that I have is I don't just go out with anybody. I don't need to go out with somebody so soon. I don't need to go out with somebody to eat. You know what I'm saying? Deion: Sunny, you gotta relax. Sunny: That's what I get for being an equal opportunist. A equal opportunity dater. Tya Moore: Yeah, I don't need Deion: Yeah, Tya Moore: to use a man to pay for my food somewhere. I don't. So that's why I'm not a serial dater. Sunny: No, I definitely bring money on a date. Jhalil: Damn, Sonny Boy gonna watch this episode Deion: John. Jhalil: like damn I fucked it all up like Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: Hey man, listen, we listen I'm trying to change the narrative. yeah, we try to change the narrative. yeah, because that's what men Deion: that's that's the Star: I'm not gonna lie though, anybody watching this as a man, don't try to stay home because a lot of girls don't think that way. They go just go out with you because they hungry. Take them girls to get something to eat if y'all really wanna, you somebody you got to pay to play. That's what you're gonna have to do. Deion: Fanny. Star: I ain't going to Uncle Bobby's to read a book. You can't take them to the library. Tya Moore: because they don't like you. That's how you weed out who like you. Why y'all wanna go out with people that don't like you? Sunny: Yeah, so definitely Star: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm being honest though. If I like you, I like to be around you. But if you take me to the library in my head, I'm going be like, I can't wait to leave this library. And I like books too. But I just don't be wanting to hang in the library. Tya Moore: It's not a library, first of all. It's Sunny: Ha ha Deion: But that's it. Tya Moore: not a library, first of all. Sunny: B Deion: That's where you at, Star. You know what I mean? Like that's where you at. Tya Moore: I mean, I respect it. I'm not, I would just use Uncle Bobby as an example. I'm not saying... Star: Nah, I'll go to Sunny: No, but that might but that might be but that's Star: the library, I'll get a book. Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: more to the point of everybody's different. Star: Certain things I like to do, but I like to do those things by myself. I don't care if I love you to death, but you can't go with me. Sunny: Yeah. Star: So if I Deion: Yeah. Star: go to Uncle Bobby's, I probably won't go by myself. If you want Tya Moore: Okay. Star: to have a book date, then let's go buy the book and let's go sit and read it in the park. But love you, Sonny. Bring me a sandwich too. You can make the sandwich yourself. Actually, Sunny: No, but I had already I already had food. Jhalil: Mm. Star: get some lunch meat, some provolone cheese, and some bread because then I can get more than one sandwich. Sunny: I'm sick to death of her. I'm tired of her. No, but I feel like I feel like everybody Tya Moore: I think Sunny: everybody is different. And what works, like to more to tie his point, what works for you doesn't work for everybody Star: you Sunny: else. Like I said, some women will tell a dude, Hey, I want you to take me here. Star: you Sunny: I'm not one of those women. Take me wherever. I like I'm I'm very much a person that I'm a foodie, but on top of that, I can find something to eat anywhere I go. So I'm not I'm not extremely picky either. So I can just Tya Moore: Yeah. Star: Now that's me or like we could have a little cute little we could we could go to the market get us some lunch meat some bread have a little picnic some utch chicks the plain ones. Yeah Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: That's my favorite. Jhalil: I ain't gonna lie, Tya Moore: That's my favorite. That's my favorite. Jhalil: that's fire too. Like, especially if you got the location, the waterfall Sunny: Yeah. Star: You get the little bowl speaker out the house, bring the little speaker Jhalil: here, here. Yeah. Star: from the house. Yeah. Sunny: And I will leave a date and have I will have money for my own food and I will have money to call an Uber in in in case it gets weird. In case it gets weird, I got to go. Except for that five hour date, I didn't do that. I didn't do that right there. no, I ain't never getting left. I'll I'll Tya Moore: always. Always. Star: Thank Tya Moore: Yeah, I got less on South Street and get an Uber home. So yeah, I got to. Star: you Sunny: I'll I'll fuck somebody's car, but you leave Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: me, it's we got then no, you leave me, you leave Tya Moore: They ain't hand-ok-er. Sunny: me somewhere, Red's coming out. Sonny is no longer here. Red has checked in and signed up for whatever we got going on, and I'm petty. So please don't please don't bring Red out. Star: it Tya Moore: They handle cars. They hopped on the bus when I wasn't looking. Sunny: Mm-hmm. Deion: Let me ask y'all this, right? Do y'all Star: What kind of Like a cube? Deion: Do y'all do y'all blame Tya Moore: I'm sorry. Deion: like do y'all blame your worst drones relationship-wise on like the person or y'all believe like it was the space you was in to even accept it? Tya Moore: Me So no, so Sunny: I think it's a it's it's a mixture of both for me. Deion: To be accountable. Tya Moore: listen I say this right I Blame me Because of what even led me to be in certain situations People are who they are that person was who who they were you was he was for you guy It's always say right you also you guys will you guy right? But if I was who I am now We just that would have never happened. So that's the reason for the healing Deion: Wait even away. Yeah. Tya Moore: Like I had abandonment issues, you know what Deion: Okay. Tya Moore: mean? Because when I was six years old, my dad said he'd be back in two weeks and then I didn't see him again until I was 16. So I was that little girl for a long time in relationships. Like it was either leaving people or putting up with stuff simply because they didn't leave. Like you ever seen what love got to do with it? And she was like, I know how I feel to have your blood walk out on you. So I just can't leave Deion: Mm-hmm. Tya Moore: them. No matter what Ike was doing, she couldn't leave him because she had got abandoned and she ain't having anything to abandon nobody. So that's real. And that's where Deion: You repeat your Tya Moore: most of, you know, my situation is in. I also went through this thing that I really only probably just got over of not feeling like I'm enough. You know Sunny: Mm. Tya Moore: what I mean? I want you feel like you're enough. You do too much and Jhalil: I mean, Tya Moore: people will let you do too much. So that is on you. That is not on them. Yeah, they reap the benefits of it, but again, they are who they are. And if you wasn't trying to do too much, they couldn't have the things they did. Did the blockers fumble the football Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: or did you fumble the football? That is the quote that I live by and I ain't never Jhalil: Okay. Tya Moore: blaming the blockers. Sunny: Yeah. No, so for me, I I think it's a combination of both. I I feel like people sometimes people show up with their representative and not and not who they are, right? And Tya Moore: in this. Sunny: and at some point their their representatives show show up and you just you either gonna stay or go. For me, I was a professional lever. Like for for for for my early for my early twenties, I was a professional lever. Like what? Now I'm good. I'm out. and then I felt like I and then people used to tell me I never really work things out like how you know it's gonna work if you don't like really try to stay and work things out. And then I started staying and working shit out and and it wasn't working out. I was out here just just just living the toxicity and and loving the shit, right? and like even up to even up to recent. And like even though for for me, I blame myself because I have this crazy thing where I believe I believe in your potential. I see who you could be and you just never gonna be that motherfucker. And I like I want you to be I'm I'm gonna get you there and I was Never gonna get you there. Not not not a day in my life. But I was trying. Tya Moore: Let's just fix it. Deion: But no, no, let me stop. Let me stop you there. What i what is it in you though? Sunny: I feel like I've like I said, I feel like I'm always like I said, I this is why I said my earlier thing. I feel like I was trying to help people, be them best selves, and like I it was I was screwing myself in the end, trying to help you be your best self. And you were your best self for like a couple of minutes and then you became your worst self. Or who you actually were. Deion: That's what I'm saying. Why what what were what was in you that make you feel that way? Like Sunny: Because I s because sometimes I see me in people, if that makes sense. And like when you Deion: Okay. All right. All right. Tya Moore: 1, 2, Sunny: when you in a space and you see that and you know and I know how I am and how what I can be when I'm on my game, I I I wanna see that Deion: yeah. Sunny: in you. So like that's why I feel like in separate situations, I felt like I well a lot of couple situations, I've I saw potential and I just wanted to help, right? Whereas in one situation, They showed up with a representative. I got the representative for almost a year. And then by the time I was in love, their true self showed up. Even though I was seeing little stuff here and there, like they finally got settled and showed up. And by then I was already moved in and engaged, right? So, and then all the craziness happened, and I was just like, I'm gonna stay because I know I leave. Like I've like, I'm telling you, you if you breathe wrong, not necessarily that. That general, but I feel like I'm just saying it to say it. But if you breathe wrong, I was out. Like, you know, you made me feel a little way, I'm out. And now I'm staying, right? And I realized that in that self, I lost myself in a lot of situations. I was, like Taya said, at one point doing too much to kind of not that I like at sometimes I felt like I wasn't enough, but I I felt like I was the one that was gonna like you were leaving me because I did something, even if I didn't do something, if that makes sense. Like I w I wasn't doing Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: Yeah. Sunny: anything to to cause you to leave, but you was doing shit and I was just and you made it make me you was I I w I don't wanna people use gaslighting, but I felt like it was gaslighting. Like I was whatever you were doing, it was projected onto me and I'm trying to make you see me, even though I've been me this entire time. Haven't done anything, got no like when I'm with you, like I'm a tourist to to the bone. I'm I'm probably more loyal to the person I'm with than than I'm loyal to myself in most situations, right? So I'm just holding on to, you know, I'm I'm a stick beside him and it's just stick beside him. It's fucking me up. And I just had to get out of that. And like I feel like in those situations, it was it was me for the most I would say 95% of the time it was me. Tya Moore: Thank Sunny: And like five percent it was people showing up at their representative of me seeing the the yellow flags and turn into orange and turn into red. And I was just like, I'm gonna stick beside him because I see the potential. And that was the problem because you you showed up as one person and I got out of I knew it was bullshit because I got a peak that it was bullshit. But I was just like, No, it just was a moment. No, it w it was really who you were. So Deion: Yeah. I mean I put it I put a Tya Moore: It was who you was when you got here. Deion: I put a hundred percent on the person. Like Star: Bye. Deion: like for me, for example, right, like when I thought like I could take advantage of a a woman like she look a type of way, you get me, and I could just hit or something like that. Like I got cheated on and played. So I can't Tya Moore: Mmm. Deion: blame nothing what she did on, you know what I'm saying? Tya Moore: On her, right. Deion: My initial john set it off is how I look at it. Tya Moore: That's very true. Deion: You get what I'm saying? So I'm like, damn, like I gotta better me to better my choices. You know what I mean? So Tya Moore: There you Deion: I'm like, damn, you know. And you know, God be like, yeah, I got something for you. You feel me? Like, you wanna have Tya Moore: There it is. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: that type of attitude? You want I was just talking to bro the other day, like it's kind crazy that I I like to talk about stuff that's in me, like you feel me? Like, so Tya Moore: good. Deion: I'm the type that'll be like, Listen, bro, like like Ja, we just was having this conversation, like mena be hell bent on help helping like attractive women versus like unattractive women. Sunny: Well we don't call until we Tya Moore: Very true, pretty privileged. Sunny: we we call unfortunate looking. Let's continue. Deion: Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Jhalil: Kind of fortune they look good. Tya Moore: Pretty privilege is what you're talking about. Pretty, pretty privilege. Deion: Right. Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: And it's crazy because the opposite is like the say it again, Sonny. Sunny: Unfortunate looking folks. Deion: will give you everything and be like the perfect per partner. Sunny: They cheaters too, no. They I've listened I've dated my share of ugly people and and it They're cheaters too, but could take you. I'm listening. Deion: Why did I Sunny: Tie tie and them seen the proof. Tie tie and them seen the proof. Tie and them seen the proof. Cheat on cheat on me and broke my heart. And I'm like, how dare you? Jhalil: Yeah, fuck ugly. I don't I don't do ugly. Fuck that. Deion: You just Tya Moore: Hey man, listen, I ain't saying nothing. Star: Okay. Deion: No, Sunny, no, Sunny, you can't do that. Star: So. Sunny: Have you seen me dressed up? I look like something. You gonna do that to me? Deion: You gon' you you cut me the the correct my word and Star: Okay. Tya Moore: and then go call up somebody else. Sunny: Sorry, unfortunate looking. I've I've I've dated a lot of unfortunate looking people. I have. I'm I'm eager tools. I date Tya Moore: because she sees equal opportunities. But listen. Sunny: like if if I like you, I don't care what you look like, I like you. So you can look like Mr. Muffet or or Kermit the Frog and I'ma love you. Tya Moore: No, you can't look like Tyrone Hill. I'm not even lying. You can't look like Tyrone Hill. That's my bar. But no, like, because I got to not, like, if you're Star: you Tya Moore: going to scare me when we wake up in the morning, I can't do it. Like, you got to least not scare me when we wake up in the morning. Sunny: Love love does not scare you, Taya. Love love Star: No, can't make my time up. Jhalil: Yeah, I can't do all that either. I'm cool and unfortunate looking. Like I think we come with it. I can't do all that. Sunny: does not scare you. Love does not scare you. Love Tya Moore: Yeah, okay. Sunny: that love that little current little fraud looking motherfucker. Tya Moore: Yeah, they don't gotta be, you know. Deion: But no matter, I tell y'all this though, no matter what, it don't matter. Like I see it all the time, right? Like guys go for Sunny: Yeah. Deion: the beautiful women and then they got After a while, if your attitude and personality don't match that outer beauty, you ugly. Tya Moore: Right. Yeah. Deion: Like, so you'll have a million men looking at your girl Sunny: Fortunate looking, don't say that's not Deion: like, God damn, he got a bad one. Like I and this nigga tired of this girl. Tya Moore: Yeah. Deion: You feel what I'm saying? So it be like a little struggle with with all of those type of thinking, you know what I'm saying? So that's why I really try to disattach from all of those type of thinkings, 'cause they can really mislead you to and I'm talking from hindsight. Like I didn't I know the thinkings, I done been there, you feel me? Like Tya Moore: Yeah, at this age, it's not really about looks. Like I said, there gotta be some attraction. you can't be disgusted looking at the person. No shade. I'm just saying, you can't be disgusted when you look Sunny: I if I like you, you're attractive to me. That's all I'm seeing. Tya Moore: at the person. Like, God damn, I don't even wanna go outside with this person. Like, you know what mean? You don't wanna be like that. Jhalil: Who Tya Moore: You know what I'm saying? But it don't. Deion: But look, is that is Sunny: No, I dun I done I done Deion: that is that more Sunny: I done dated short kings to tall kings. I done dated four different votes to fine motherfuckers. I done dated them Tya Moore: Right. Yeah, yeah. Deion: But is that more Sunny: all. Deion: is that more your thinking or what you think other people will think? Tya Moore: Me? Deion: Tired. Tya Moore: Is what my thinking. Deion: Like you saying, would a would a unattract say it again, Sonny? Sunny: Unfortunate looking. Tya Moore: Mm. Deion: Right. Jhalil: Unfortunately look it. Deion: W right. Tya Moore: You Deion: Whatever that is, you know what I mean? Sunny: It's unfortunate 'cause they didn't get that they didn't sign that they didn't sign up for that Jhalil: I'm about to start saying that shit. Sunny: thing. They just got it. Deion: It's it's more like Tya Moore: my god. Deion: right or wrong though for me because what people think is right, other people can still think wrong. So beauty is like what they call it subjective. Sunny: Skin D it's only skin D. Tya Moore: Yeah, subjective, yeah. Your eyes are the beholder. Deion: It's really subjective to like somebody like Tyrone Hill. And he got kids and stuff. So Sunny: do. I probably do. What it look like? What do you look like? I'm about to Google him. Hold on, Google him. And s and see if it don't matter. I dated I dated Tya Moore: I know. He got money. He got money. Sunny: broke people that didn't look attractive or unfortunately looking. I'm about to travel on him. No, what he look like. Let me go see. I'm I might like him. Tya Moore: You know what type of hell it looks like? Look him up Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: and then say that. Sunny: Hold up. well you you seen who I dated. You Tya Moore: Sorry Tyrone, I love you dearly but baby. Sunny: seen who I dated. I would I would probably date him if if he treated me nice. Jhalil: I said, damn, Tyrrh, Tya Moore: He don't look like, no man, I ain't even gonna keep saying it. not, I don't want nobody think I'm trying Jhalil: Tyrone, skip this bro. Skip this jaw. Tya Moore: to put down black men or nothing, but I'm just, my point is there has to be something, like I'm attracted to intelligence Sunny: Ask them what them lives do. I will ask some questions. Tya Moore: first. That's number one for me. Can you have Sunny: Yeah. Tya Moore: a conversation and you know, sense of humor. Those three things are major, right? Then we get down to attraction. Then we get down to, you know, how you. move in life. You know what I'm saying? That's for me. Right? Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: I'm a sapiosexual. I'm highly attracted to intelligence, you know? But I still gotta be able to look at you. You know what I'm saying? And you don't gotta be gorgeous for that to happen. You can't just like, you know, you look at somebody like, God, can't. Jhalil: The Tya Moore: And you know, we all look ugly when we first wake up in the morning. I'm just telling the truth. And if you are, Sunny: cute when I wake up. I don't I have a look ugly all day. No what I'm saying. I'm on I'm only joking. I'm only joking. No. Tya Moore: Listen, you know what I mean. You don't look like how you look once you get yourself together is what I'm saying. Deion: Yeah. Tya Moore: And you roll over, you ever seen Mo Money and he rolled over and the woman was in the bed? That's what I'm saying. Ain't nobody trying Jhalil: Yeah, yeah. Tya Moore: to do that. That's just me for real. Sunny: babe just told me I look like a Deion: Okay. Sunny: a character from when I've washed my hair, he told me I look like one of the characters from Orange's New Black. I said, Well do I look cute? He Yeah. I said, Okay then. It's okay. As Jhalil: Yeah. Sunny: long as I look cute. Tya Moore: Because you always want to look cute at home because you are cute. I'm talking about people Deion: It's more. Tya Moore: that's not. I'm being for real. Deion: Yeah. Sunny: It's Tya Moore: You know what I'm saying? So, no. Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I just can't do it. Cause like it don't matter how much our brains in the in a in the alignment Tya Moore: Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Jhalil: and all that other shit. If if the looks not there, it's Deion: Yeah. Sunny: You know what I don't think is cute? Jhalil: cool. I don't I can't do it, Tya Moore: But you can't just