Latest / Bean and Superbad / Red bull and Blue chews or an interview with @bill_pettifer

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Red bull and Blue chews or an interview with @bill_pettifer · Bean and Superbad

0:02
Now back to the greatest show no one knows about.
0:04
I agree this is the BS show. You're welcome.
0:17
We're here with comedian Bill Pettifer and I want to say also
0:20
on the new GEICO Caveman show. Yes, yes I am.
0:23
Doing a few commercials lately. Somebody's watching me.
0:26
Yeah, it's good work. Yeah, it's good work.
0:28
You know, It pays well. It keeps me.
0:30
GEICO Caveman. And I get to keep my beard long,
0:33
so that's always a plus. They pay you to keep it long.
0:36
Yeah, it's a part of the contract.
0:38
They were actually talking to me the other day and they're like,
0:40
if you shave even a piece of that, it's over, you're done.
0:43
You'll need a lawyer to get you out of the contract.
0:45
Do you? Do you do?
0:46
Do you have a whole like a beard bit?
0:49
No, I don't have a beard, bit the closest I get is probably
0:52
the Charles Manson thing. That's why that.
0:54
Counts. I get it does.
0:55
That's a beard bit. That is a beard bit that counts
0:58
because that's kind of like. Besides the swastika in his
1:01
forehead, the beard is probably the next identifying marker for
1:04
Charles Manson. You're.
1:05
One bad Ash Wednesday away. I'm one bad Ash Wednesday.
1:10
Have you ever? When's the last time you shaved
1:12
your beard? It was actually about six or
1:17
seven months ago. Oh, that's it.
1:19
Really. Did we miss him during?
1:22
No, it might have been even before that.
1:23
Maybe it's been a year now. It's been.
1:25
At least a year. So you've had babyface.
1:27
So I shaved it. I have a babyface.
1:28
I have a very babyface and it throws people off.
1:31
Like I wanted to go in and start like signing my name up for the
1:34
open mics. As someone else As someone else.
1:36
William Pettifer. But then do my material, like
1:39
keep doing my bits, and someone would be like this fucking guy
1:41
stealing from Bill. Like Bill?
1:43
Yeah. I'd say I'm going on vacation.
1:44
And you shave and then. Like soon as Bill leaves on
1:46
vacation. I had to grow it back, though,
1:49
because people were, like, completely appalled by it.
1:51
Someone flat out called me ugly. They're like, you're very ugly.
1:54
And I was like, oh, thank you. That's really kind of you to do.
1:57
Yeah. I was getting I can't grow a
1:59
beard. Yeah, this is like this is like
2:01
a month. This is.
2:03
That's a month. Yeah, it's like, wow, it's not
2:04
bad. Have you ever tried to push it
2:06
for? Like a year I have.
2:08
And it doesn't. Come in it it does eventually
2:10
not good. Though it's not.
2:12
It blends with your hair just like has this nice blend.
2:15
That's why I try to keep it. Yeah, yeah, 'cause I have a baby
2:17
face too. If I shave, I look ridiculous.
2:19
Right. It's not great, right?
2:20
Right. Do you, do you get, do you shave
2:22
the cheek area? No.
2:24
OK. So it just doesn't grow very
2:25
thick. I don't no, it's I only get I
2:27
only get sideburn into like here.
2:28
OK, I could I could look like I was the mutton chops from the
2:31
1700s without an issue. I get bad cheek hair.
2:34
Like I had somebody the other. So they were literally they were
2:37
like someone was asking. They're like, who is one of your
2:39
favorite comics tonight? And they go the guy with the the
2:42
beard hair, that's all the way up here.
2:43
And I was like, dude, that's how I'm known as.
2:45
Old Billy cheek hair. Old Billy cheek hair over here.
2:48
But that's not that bad. I had, I remember it was two
2:51
months ago. Someone's like, oh, hang on.
2:52
So you got a piece, you got to like a little hair on your
2:54
forehead and it was in my forehead.
2:56
Oh, they yanked it. It's like.
2:57
Yeah, cuz I just thought it was a piece of hair on my forehead
2:59
and I didn't. Know it was a hair.
3:01
Sticking out of my forehead and I'm like, that's not good.
3:03
Why is there a hair growing out of the center of my forehead?
3:05
You're getting hair everywhere cuz you're getting old.
3:07
That weird speak is. Coming down, yeah, it's usually
3:10
growing. Back but now it's coming down OK
3:12
if it. Drops.
3:12
Yeah, No, I've always said that, No.
3:14
No, no, it's going back all the way.
3:15
It's. Just also coming forward, the
3:17
view is, the hair is. The hair doesn't.
3:18
I don't know where to go. Yeah, it's so funny.
3:20
I kind of want, I kind of want to see you with the shaved
3:23
without a beard. Now you don't.
3:25
You don't. I kinda do.
3:25
I have a picture of it somewhere.
3:27
I'm not gonna show it to you at this exact moment, and I'm
3:29
definitely not gonna shave my face on this podcast.
3:32
Do you think you get book glass? If I shave my face, yeah, yeah.
3:35
But we all gotta shave our faces in solidarity, and I say that
3:38
with the least amount. Of I definitely.
3:40
Can't we get to put all of our facial hair on you?
3:43
No. Oh yeah, with glue.
3:46
Do you grow? Different colors, do you?
3:48
Grow any facial hair at all. I just shaved.
3:50
It's been sick. Actually I did just.
3:51
Shaved today. So I just shaved so I do get
3:54
hair here. I can't grow hair on like one
3:56
side of my face. Are you a neckbeard guy?
3:58
Do you? Do I do get mad neckbeard?
4:00
Yeah. The neck.
4:01
Well, actually just in here, I don't get like the down, the
4:04
down the down here. Like Jay.
4:06
Like old. That's right, Old Jimmy
4:07
neckbeard over there. There was a football player,
4:10
Andrew Luck back in the day and everyone used to call me Andrew
4:13
Luck because he had a neck beard.
4:15
Oh my God, and it. Was like bad like he had his
4:17
neck beard was 10 times longer than your beard beard.
4:19
That's so crazy. I can't grow in the middle.
4:22
I got the reverse Hitler. Reverse.
4:24
Yeah, so destined to not be Hitler.
4:27
Which is good. Because I can't grow hair there.
4:29
I'm the anti Hitler. Of all the.
4:31
Places I like to say every morning I go, yeah, I'm not, do
4:34
not grow hair there. If my hair grows there, I shave
4:37
it off immediately like. Trying to grow the Hitler but
4:40
it's. Just no, I can't.
4:41
I can't see. I can't.
4:43
Maybe we put a little of that. What is that?
4:45
Grow. Yeah, the little grow.
4:46
Take some hems. Little the hems.
4:48
Oh, some hems. You get some boner.
4:49
Pills too. Is that what you're going to
4:51
say? Yeah, a little rub.
4:52
The Rogaine here. That'd probably burn your face
4:55
so bad. You see the hymns now they have
4:57
the they have the the pair with the erectile dysfunction.
5:02
The. Ed with lasting longer with the
5:05
weight loss it was Olympic styles.
5:07
All in one they have. A4 pack now that they're
5:09
advertising on their pro so. OK, I was getting nervous that
5:12
it was an all in one. It was.
5:14
Just too much. It was a big fat pill, Yeah.
5:18
The power and the problem I have.
5:20
I will be a man again. Don't they have like the dumb
5:23
too? Yeah, they got the boner gum.
5:26
Boner. Gum boner like hair growth.
5:29
What do? They want you to.
5:31
Chewing gum. Hair boner.
5:32
Hair growth. Yeah.
5:34
Donnie, like the man, just. Wants you to be hard all the
5:37
time. Yeah, they want you to get your
5:38
Dick hard like it's and, and God bless them for doing it.
5:41
You know, like they're keeping us hard.
5:43
Keeping Dicks hard. They're keeping Dicks hard.
5:45
Keeping us. Hard.
5:46
Have you guys taken a blue chew? Feels like I take called.
5:49
I have to take. Him I love a blue.
5:50
Chip, you had one of those? Yeah.
5:52
Do you order them online? You can.
5:54
Where do you get yours? I have.
5:55
I have a buddy who gets them and sometimes he'll just drop me.
5:57
Off without ordering it online. I don't order those.
6:00
He puts like about 10 in a sandwich bag and I meet him in a
6:03
Publix park. Yeah.
6:05
Yeah, it's pretty good. You guys make like we got to
6:08
make a dummy algorithm, so it doesn't know any of us are
6:10
getting that. And so like you just pile all
6:13
the. Terrible shit getting it because
6:14
they're trying to push it to everybody regardless of
6:17
algorithm. Yeah, you know, everybody gets
6:20
Bluetooth, so. How does it seems like it does?
6:24
How does the blue chew work? Is it actual gum and you just
6:26
chew the gum? So the particular ones I've
6:29
gotten are like like a chalky kind of tablet.
6:34
So like a like a Tums? Yes, like.
6:36
A. Boner Tums 100% Somebody called
6:39
Karma. It comes in its own individual
6:41
little baggie. Like it's it's it's own
6:44
individual little baggie, right? You pop that bad boy in, it does
6:47
not work right away. It's not immediate.
6:49
What's the delay? Are we talking 30 minutes?
6:53
30 minutes might be long, it might be 20 minutes, really 20
6:56
minutes, honestly. And you get this weird, like you
6:58
get this weird sensation in your nose.
7:00
OK it. Starts there, you get boner.
7:02
Nose, but that's how you get boner nose.
7:03
You start no, that's when you know it's coming and then it's
7:06
yeah, it's on you're. Gonna start running post this.
7:08
Yeah, you start to. We're not gonna be.
7:10
We're not gonna be able to post this anywhere.
7:13
OK, cool, now the we're. Saying.
7:15
Though that it's. Medical term boner.
7:17
Yeah, it's not. Yeah, boner nose.
7:19
Boner. So it's just a sensation.
7:21
So it's a sensation and then it starts to kick in.
7:24
Yeah. And then that bad boy is good to
7:25
go. For how long?
7:26
For a while, like 8 hours. Strong.
7:29
Hold on. Is it like the Cialis where it's
7:32
waiting for you to be ready or is it like the Viagra where?
7:34
You're so they have both. They have both.
7:36
So whichever 1 you get is kind of yeah, they got two different
7:40
kinds. There's blue chew, super blue
7:42
chew. Here's the thing.
7:43
Super Saiyan Blue Chew. Is is you get really good hang,
7:48
great hang and it and even when you're done, I don't know, it's
7:52
still there. You know what I mean?
7:53
Like it's rocking. I would instantly panic attack
7:56
myself into the four hour erection.
7:59
I would instantly be like, Oh my God, four hours.
8:01
It's like mushrooms you. Know what you don't need?
8:03
Blue chew. We could just give you the
8:06
psycho semantic reaction from like an aspirin just telling you
8:09
that it's blue. This is a blue.
8:11
Chew and. I didn't eat it hard for 8 hours
8:13
to. Be in the hospital.
8:14
For an aspirin. So I did this one night.
8:18
Where? I had the blue chew, I had the
8:21
blue chew and I was going to use it with my lovely lady.
8:25
So I ate the blue chew. We were out.
8:27
We were at a bar and is. It the first time you didn't
8:30
know it was like a. 15 minute puncher in the face, man.
8:32
No, no, no, no, no. This is this is like the the
8:34
100th time, though, it was like the third or fourth time.
8:37
And so I, I take this blue chew, right?
8:40
And I'm like, OK, we're going to be good.
8:41
And then she's like, I got to get out of here.
8:43
I can't hang out tonight. I got to go and I was like fuck.
8:47
So now I just have this blue chew in me and I got to leave.
8:49
Does. She know you took the blue chew?
8:50
Or she did not. I like to.
8:51
I like to keep it a mystery. That was like a thing.
8:53
You're like, hey. Babe, I took the blue.
8:55
Chew we shoot up tonight. They're rolling the dice.
8:57
They know they do. That so I so I go and I leave
9:01
and I stop at a gas station and I get a Red Bull.
9:04
I love a Red Bull. OK, right, Red Bull and a blue
9:06
chew not thinking that's some red, some red, some redders and
9:09
bluers. That's what they say they.
9:10
Need to make like white chew, which in case you took a blue
9:13
chew and then the chick's like Nah you can grab a white chew.
9:17
Oh, this is not a bad idea because you you take that blue
9:20
chew. They have to down a Red Bull,
9:22
right? The Red Bull worked and I'm
9:24
driving home from Tampa and after a while I'm starting to be
9:28
like, my heart hurts. My heart physically hurts.
9:32
Oh, that's not. Good.
9:33
I start thinking I'm like maybe I need to pull over like I'm
9:35
having and I realized I've mixed energy drink and blue.
9:39
Chew you mixed a Red Bull and a Blue.
9:41
Chew and a blue chew, which you get it.
9:42
Great purple purple comet. Yeah, my Dick turned purple.
9:46
That was what happened. It was tough.
9:49
It was a really like I. Start having a panic attack like
9:52
there comes a heart attack. And I'm driving down into, yeah,
9:56
I should. That's not a bad.
9:57
Idea die though. That's how you do.
9:59
They come, they, you've. Got a heart?
10:00
Attack and they get. To the window, the autopsy.
10:03
That probably happens all the time.
10:05
I have no idea what's going on. That probably regularly occurs.
10:08
You know what, they probably have the suppressant on hand.
10:10
Yeah, they got the white chips. Narkon.
10:11
Yeah, you're right in. Yeah, dude, I was on 75.
10:16
I was on Interstate 75 for like an hour just thinking I was
10:18
going to die. Like pulled legit pulled over.
10:20
No, I didn't pull over. I I thought I trucked along, but
10:23
I was getting, I was getting close because it started like my
10:25
chest physically hurt and I was like, never again will I mix
10:29
these two. White shoes are only carried by
10:31
EMTs. They're not available for
10:33
commercial use. Open up, not.
10:34
Available over the counter, Yeah.
10:35
Well, you know, that's how they do it.
10:38
That's how they, if you have the, the, the erection that
10:41
lasts too long, they they take a big needle and they, they jab
10:45
it. Like a balloon.
10:46
Like a balloon and then they pull the blood out.
10:49
That's the blood, because all the blood 4.
10:51
Hours you have to do that because.
10:53
You have permanent damage. Wow, so like they just
10:55
legitimately, yeah, do the off insect repellent commercial on
10:59
you. Yes, nice, you're forever hard.
11:02
Not anymore. It's like don't feed after
11:04
midnight if you don't kill your boner after 4.
11:06
Hours. You're forever hard.
11:10
Gremlin bone if. You told me to kill your.
11:12
Bone every four hours. Please call it exercise.
11:14
Or modeling. Yes.
11:17
Oh my God, yes. Listen, you have to use it.
11:21
You have to use it. Otherwise you are, Yeah, because
11:23
if you don't use it, you're you're in for a wild ride The.
11:26
PTSD you would have if you took the blue chew all that happens.
11:30
You feel like you have a heart attack.
11:31
It's been more than four hours. They have to stick a a remover
11:34
into you and now the next time you have to, you're like, I
11:36
don't even. Is it worth it though?
11:38
Even you know. As Miss Yellow would say, let me
11:43
work. Call my lady though.
11:46
Right. Like almost like now you start
11:47
relying on it. So you have to be no, he is
11:51
right about this. You have to be very.
11:53
I like to break a blue chew in once a month.
11:57
Just to. Just give them a good round, you
11:58
know what I mean cuz. When your girlfriend go, hey,
12:01
look, look, hey look, it's been great.
12:02
It's been fine. But like all of us, every once
12:04
in a while it's like. It's great.
12:05
It's really like, yeah. Now you're pushing rope.
12:08
Like why are we pushing rope? Do you want to know when you're
12:11
taking the blue chew? Like what if somebody just like
12:13
gave it to you and you didn't know like a?
12:15
Roofie slipped me a blue chew somebody.
12:17
Slipped you a blue chew. I wouldn't be that mad.
12:19
That's like. But if it was once a month, I'm
12:21
saying your normal routine but you don't know when it's coming.
12:24
I still wouldn't be that mad. Right, exactly.
12:26
It's literally. The inverse of a roofie.
12:28
It's preparing to roofie someone.
12:30
You've got to take your. Roofie.
12:32
It's a self roofie. No, but the best time to do it
12:35
would be on a night out and he's 100% drinking a Red Bull.
12:38
We just he's not a good idea. Not a good plan.
12:42
Yeah, they'd have to. Yeah, you got to.
12:44
No, it'd be fine. Oh.
12:46
My God, I can't see. I, I know dudes who would go
12:48
take it and do comedy. Like they wouldn't even go fuck.
12:50
They would just go do comedy. I wanna, I wanna blue chew.
12:53
For anxiety so that I can get on stage and not worry.
12:56
About it? Well, blue chews are for
12:58
anxiety. Do they have anxiety blue shoes?
12:59
On no, that's. Just what?
13:00
That's what it is. For yeah, that's so you don't
13:03
feel. Cuz you're nervous so you can't
13:04
get bricked up right? But you take that bad boy, it's.
13:07
Keeps right away cuz it blows open.
13:09
The doors. Yeah, you.
13:11
Instead of all the blood rushing your head.
13:14
Maybe that would help with anxiety as I have a huge.
13:16
Your heart can't race if it's all going to your Dick.
13:18
That's right. No, listen, he's not wrong about
13:21
this. This is scientifically accurate.
13:24
So you're saying to break the stage, right?
13:25
I need to pop a blue chew, correct?
13:27
Yeah. Just don't time it wrong, just.
13:30
Don't time it wrong sounds. Like sounds like a nightmare.
13:35
Yeah, you're already having trouble as it is.
13:37
A blue chew would not. I would.
13:38
Be down heart attack alley, I would be there.
13:40
Of course there would. Be no we got to do the red Red
13:43
Bull, blue Chew. Podcast we should we should do
13:46
that one of these times. A purple comet.
13:48
We all down. A purple comet.
13:50
You put it in the Red Bull. Like a drug.
13:53
You told me not. To I'm doing a purple comet
13:55
tonight. It's like a, it's like a 5 loco,
13:58
you know, you get a four. Loco.
14:00
And a five hour energy, you know.
14:04
And you're like, dude, you're 37 years old.
14:05
Yeah. You can't be doing that.
14:06
You can't be doing that right now.
14:08
Yeah, you'll start to like, once you start getting those stressed
14:10
out hard things, you're like, how old?
14:11
I'm getting too old to do any of this stuff.
14:14
Start looking at your hands now. Use your old man hands now.
14:20
My blue two days are over my. Blue 2 mixing days are.
14:26
Over. Yeah, Yeah.
14:27
I used to party real hard back in mind.
14:31
So yeah, you've never taken 1 before you got on stage.
14:33
No, never before I go on stage. But you know people.
14:36
But, you know, people that have done it, yeah.
14:39
Have they told you? Yeah.
14:40
Like they're like, dude, yeah, they took it.
14:43
Did I know that they were doing it?
14:44
Yeah, yeah. They get hard on stage flat out
14:48
and they hate it real quick. No, he just came up to me and I
14:52
remember specifically because he was kind of like rubbing like
14:54
this. And that's like the sign that
14:56
someone's done something, you know what I mean?
14:58
He just. Told you he was.
15:00
Very intense about it. He's like, dude, I had a fucking
15:02
blue tube before I got out of here.
15:04
He. Just told you that to make up
15:05
for him actually being hard. Yeah, no, I'm not turned on
15:09
blue. Tube blue tube was a mistake I
15:12
accidentally I thought I had. Time I'm rubbing my nipples to
15:14
calm down. I don't like it.
15:16
He was very intense. It was a very aggressive OK.
15:20
See, I would you guys then if you're doing stuff like that,
15:22
you guys should have like pill roulette where you're like, in
15:25
my hand, I have a blue chew. It's like an aspirin, you know?
15:30
Yeah. And you're like, who knows?
15:34
Right, you just reach in. I don't know how I can't do.
15:38
Do you ever get anxiety from being on stage?
15:40
Yeah, of course. Really.
15:41
Seriously. Yeah, still this like every
15:43
time. Yeah, particularly in some spots
15:45
more than others if. You're hosting, not if you're
15:48
like featuring or or headline or something like that, like what
15:51
if you're just? Hosting.
15:52
Hosting. Yeah, seriously.
15:53
Because you got to go out. There's like, you know, they're
15:56
they're kind of like they're not, they're a little ready for
15:59
the show, but they're still kind of pensive.
16:01
There's no yeah, right there. There hasn't been any.
16:04
We've worked from the technicals to the other side and I've seen
16:06
you have to deal with crowds that are just not ready to laugh
16:10
at anything. Not you.
16:12
I mean like it doesn't. Matter.
16:13
Sure, sure, sure. Sure.
16:14
What do you do in that situation?
16:17
Carry on, because I'm. Learning 'cause I'm trying to do
16:20
all this. So I'm, I'm genuinely curious,
16:21
like how do you take that when you come out with a joke and
16:23
you're like, and the crowd just they're just a garb, They're
16:26
just. They're just not a happy crowd.
16:28
They they don't like you or whatever The thing is.
16:30
Those nights where you've seen like, it doesn't matter.
16:33
You have to soldier forward, Yeah.
16:36
You can't let them break you like you can they.
16:39
And it happens. I still do it sometimes where,
16:41
like, if it's not going well, I'll catch a little bit of the
16:43
feelings and you'll start to see it in my mannerisms that I'm
16:46
starting to fall apart a little bit.
16:47
But you got to like. How do you but how do you do
16:49
that? How do you focus up?
16:50
Did you like how many years have you done it?
16:52
Three years now. Three years now, OK.
16:54
That's still relatively. Right.
16:56
It's so young. Yeah.
16:58
I mean, that's obviously you're not ten year veteran, but you're
17:01
also not a rookie, but it's. It's still pretty fresh and it's
17:06
hard. You like, you literally have to,
17:08
at least for me, I have to go, don't you?
17:10
I have to mentally be like, don't, you're fine.
17:13
Everything's OK. Even if this doesn't go well,
17:15
nobody laughs at anything. You.
17:17
Would have anxiety disorder or anything.
17:18
Do you have like any normal panic attacks or anything like?
17:21
That I do have a bit of anxiety. I don't know if I would say it's
17:24
anxiety disorder. I will get a panic attack from
17:27
time to time, but it's usually related to finance.
17:30
Blue Chews and Red Bulls. Blue chews and Red Bulls, yes.
17:35
That's the name of this episode, by the way.
17:37
And Red Bulls. Pretty good.
17:41
So do you just you can think yourself back out of the?
17:44
Yeah, because you kind of have to.
17:46
I mean, you could go up there and let them break you and do
17:49
that. Is there a different OK, so
17:51
let's say you're hosting compared to like, what would be
17:53
your difference to your hosting and the crowds not feeling it to
17:57
where you're the feature? You've already heard the the the
18:01
pre stuff, the trailers or whatever.
18:02
You don't hear them laugh. The host comes out and you don't
18:04
hear them laugh. And now they're getting ready to
18:06
introduce. You is the feature.
18:08
Yeah, like now you're in the. Middle.
18:09
You've already had at least one person go before for you, and
18:11
it's Dead Room City. I still have that that thing
18:14
that a lot of people, comics will do, and it's in your head.
18:17
You go, I got this. Yeah, I know exactly what they
18:19
want. I'm going to make them laugh.
18:21
OK, it's like a challenge, so. No matter what you're like,
18:23
yeah. You're just.
18:24
Your Goku, you're like, this is. Fine.
18:26
And then you go out there and you eat big plates of shit and
18:27
you're like, Oh yeah, that's right, I don't have.
18:29
This, yeah, I do not. I do not.
18:31
And here's The thing is, like when you're hosting, it's your
18:33
job. So I'm I'm try, I am trying to
18:35
figure out how to get them to enjoy.
18:38
Like I'm not just going, oh, they don't like comedy.
18:40
They don't like me and then just moving on, right?
18:43
And being like and waiting for the clock to end.
18:45
You know, I'm still trying to like find the avenue.
18:49
But if you you can't find it, you can't find it.
18:51
OK, sometimes. Plus I look like this and I
18:55
don't, you know, see. That's The funny thing, and
18:57
that's not even an insult to Thing.
18:58
I've seen him come out on stage, not open his mouth, and the
19:01
crowd start laughing. Yeah and yeah.
19:04
People with softer skin that aren't designed to be in this
19:06
game would not like that. But I feel like as a comedian,
19:09
you're like, oh, thank. God.
19:10
Well, the name. They're already and.
19:11
You're in the name. How?
19:12
The name and. Then you come out, which I
19:13
don't. I'm just like like a normal dude
19:15
but they instantly start laughing and it's like pedophor
19:18
ha ha. Ha, right, right.
19:19
That that joke is kind of my temperature joke.
19:21
That's like my feeler gauge. The name joke?
19:24
Yeah, that. Doesn't.
19:25
Go well from the beginning to even the end.
19:27
Yeah, I did at the end the other night.
19:29
Yeah. And it it does like a.
19:30
Closer and it worked, yeah. Yeah, it's almost even sometimes
19:33
better where kind of like I build up to it.
19:34
I gain their trust a little bit to do that bit.
19:36
I mean, it's not super offense. They're like waiting for you to
19:39
say something. Making fun of my name.
19:41
That's the thing, we've talked about this before.
19:43
You've managed to take. It's something that is super
19:45
taboo and can be considered, you know, raunchy or dirty or
19:49
whatever, and you've put a completely clean spin on it, but
19:53
at the same time you're hammering home.
19:56
It's a dirty. Joke, but it's.
19:57
Not right. It's like.
19:59
That's why I think it lands almost every time.
20:01
Usually under circumstances of that kind of material, people
20:03
are like, they're like, oh, you can't joke about this, This is
20:06
wrong, but. It's built into your name.
20:08
But it's built into my name so I get to do it.
20:10
It's fun, but like if I do that bit up top and it doesn't go
20:15
well. You're done.
20:16
You're set. I go, this set's probably not
20:18
going to be my best. I'm going to, I'm going to have
20:21
to search for the avenues that they want because that's.
20:24
So then then I think it's almost worth not pulling that part,
20:27
that bit out until. The end sometimes.
20:29
Till the end. Like, I guess if the crowd's
20:31
already happy and hot and you come out and they're laughing,
20:33
you don't even need to worry about pulling that one out.
20:35
So yeah, like for like a if I was coming out as a feature and
20:38
they were already hot, it'd be great.
20:39
Fire off with that right away. It's going to carry me right
20:42
into it. Oh, because if they're not hot,
20:44
then you just go. Maybe we'll just, we'll just.
20:45
But sometimes. I switch it around sometimes I
20:47
get it. And it literally is just to be
20:49
like, OK, what is what are they like, where are we at?
20:53
Where are we at? Right?
20:54
And I'm not, I'm really not a dirty.
20:57
No, you're that that's what I'm. Trying to say.
20:58
You don't come when you think a pedophile, you don't think clean
21:01
comedian, but he's also not a dirty comedian either, which is
21:05
like I'm saying, you walk a really interesting line that I
21:07
don't think a lot of people managed to do very well.
21:09
Yeah, let's hope it's a good line to walk.
21:12
I think it is. Because I'm saying no one's
21:14
going to go, oh, he's that. That clean comedian.
21:17
He's that. Clean guy.
21:18
Well, you get a dry bar special that way.
21:20
Oh yeah. Right, let's.
21:21
Say he's clean enough that he could get one of those super
21:23
clean specials, but he's also he's also dirty enough.
21:26
You're walking the line, yeah. Right.
21:29
They're like, oh, this guy, he's all clean.
21:30
We don't like it. Yeah, I've got, I've got some
21:32
dirty stuff in there and you know, sometimes I I've got some
21:34
newer stuff that I would like to start.
21:37
Let me ask you that too. So you've been doing about three
21:40
years. What's your what's your like?
21:45
What's your well, like what do you have probably total ish time
21:49
like so if you go up, you have like here's what I'm doing.
21:52
I'm I'm doing 20. That's what I'm doing 20.
21:54
Do you already like OK, I've planned this 20 out, but in a
21:57
different order. Maybe I'll try something new
21:59
tonight from this little secret set of 20.
22:01
Like how how much are you writing out your 3 compare?
22:04
You know what I mean? Like are you constantly?
22:05
So like if I was doing 20 minutes, which is about what I
22:08
would say I can do if that's going to be well, I can get to
22:12
25 like. Like you're super confident.
22:15
In I can get to 25, it's going to be, you know, there might be
22:18
some ups and downs in there. But yeah, I kind of, I kind of
22:21
have the the set order. I will rearrange it if I want to
22:25
because they all kind of fit together.
22:26
So I can kind of switch them around.
22:28
And then somewhere in the middle, I usually like to try to
22:30
slip in these newer ideas. That way if they're, you know,
22:35
they suck and crowd doesn't like it, I can throw it right out and
22:38
I can move into something that works.
22:40
It's good to slip those those things in there.
22:42
That way you have something to kind of fall back on, at least
22:44
in my opinion. Do you have like how much do you
22:46
think extra? Do you have like another
22:48
unconfident 20? I don't think I have another
22:51
unconfident 20. I would say I probably have
22:53
another unconfident 10 or 15. OK.
22:58
Because, you know, sometimes you just start throwing shit away.
23:01
You start, you know, coming at things and you just, you start
23:04
throwing shit out and then you'll come back to it and you
23:06
go, why did I ever throw this out?
23:08
This is good. Then you'll go do it.
23:09
And you'll go, Oh yeah, that's exactly why I stopped doing
23:12
that. Damn.
23:13
OK. That's interesting.
23:15
That's like legit interesting. I'm trying to, I'm trying to get
23:17
a gauge on, you know, I've been, I've asked a lot because I'm
23:19
kind of curious to see how everybody approaches.
23:23
I'm not a super great writer. Like When it Comes Down to City,
23:29
which is hilarious because I want to write a novel.
23:31
It's ridiculous. But like I, I have a very hard
23:34
time sitting down in writing. Recently.
23:37
Yeah, like I'm going. To write for four hours.
23:39
No, it doesn't. It's not going to happen.
23:41
Even if I and I, I will go in there.
23:44
I'll unplug my Xbox, I'll turn my phone off.
23:47
I'll do all the things that are needed to do.
23:49
And I'll just like, lay there, I'll there, I'll sit there and
23:52
stare at the wall. Yeah, I can't do it.
23:54
That's why I'm a bad student. That's why I didn't go to
23:56
college, folks. Yeah, that's, I mean, I think we
24:00
all have a little bit of that like the writer's block kind of
24:03
weirdness where you're like, I can't just, I can't.
24:05
It comes in waves, yeah. You can't force it.
24:08
I'll, I'll just like come up with the idea.
24:10
I'll run it in an open mic. If it works, cool, then I'll
24:13
start digging into it. If it doesn't, then I'll kind of
24:15
like wait. And then things will just come
24:17
to me throughout the day. Like I'll be at my job and I'll
24:21
just be, I'll be doing something and then all of a sudden I'll
24:22
go, oh, that's, that's the line. OK.
24:24
And get that in and go, OK, I'm going to do it tonight.
24:27
But I'm going to add these new things that I've thought up, OK.
24:30
And I try not to like use any substances to assist in the
24:35
writing of that. No, no blue chews to help you
24:38
write. No, honestly, no purple
24:40
comments. I I really haven't tried it, I
24:42
maybe should, that would not be a bad idea.
24:44
Get that nose tingled. That's a funny fact.
24:46
Got trouble writing? I started doing.
24:48
I started no blue chew. Blue Chew was.
24:50
A red like Adderall for your Dick.
24:51
Some guys are like you got a, you got it is kind of a little
24:59
bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:00
Mong Wang. Mong Wang.
25:02
So guys, they think that you should do like something like
25:06
they're like, oh, you got to smoke weed while you write your
25:08
bits. And I'm like, I don't think it's
25:10
the for me, at least if I'm coming up with an idea, I need
25:15
to be sober because otherwise I'll be high and I'll go, this
25:18
is the best idea I've ever had. And it's.
25:20
Not yeah, see, I've been there. I feel like you get different.
25:24
You can still get good ideas when you're high or whatever.
25:27
You can, but it's a different kind of idea, even if.
25:30
It's good, right? Like it might not, it's not
25:33
going to be mainstream or you know what, you know what I say,
25:35
it's not going to be necessarily the right you'll.
25:37
Think it's funny? You'll think it's funny.
25:38
You'll think it's. Real.
25:40
And I have a bunch of those. But it's not going to be as good
25:42
as you are laser. Focused.
25:44
In no I I I agree. With that, I think you should
25:46
build the structure like the frame of your house sober and
25:51
then you decorate it and then yeah, you can decorate it high,
25:53
then you, then you decorate. It high, Yeah, it's a.
25:55
Good way to you get a little high, you start thinking about
25:56
OK, this might be funny to. Say, yeah, maybe throw a plant
25:59
on that wall. But otherwise I'd like to do it
26:02
sober. I prefer same with on stage.
26:05
I like a that's different. On trash obviously stage.
26:10
Trash. No.
26:10
I like to go up. I like to get a beer 10 minutes
26:14
before I go up. I have a couple of sips and then
26:16
just go up with that. Do do the beer on stage, Ryan,
26:19
right now. OK, Ryan.
26:21
'S been up and he's he struggles a little bit with anxiety like I
26:24
do, right? It's been a year since I did
26:26
open. My as bad as I do, but it's I
26:27
remember yeah, he had to do like what would you have 5-6 beers?
26:33
Yeah, Twee kept handing me drinks.
26:34
In like the span of in the span of.
26:36
One and she like handed me two and then I ordered another one.
26:40
Yeah. It was in like 10 minutes too.
26:42
He was just like. I used to do it at the
26:45
beginning. In the beginning, I would do
26:47
tequila. I would do two shots of tequila
26:49
before I went on stage. Yeah, I was.
26:52
I was. I was blasted.
26:54
I got through my set barely, but I got through it.
26:57
But that's the thing he did. He did.
26:58
He plowed through it. I don't think he knew where he
27:00
was. It's like one of those things
27:02
when. You're tired and you're driving
27:03
home and all of a sudden you're in your driveway and you're
27:05
like. How the shit?
27:06
Yeah, yeah. What is this that's?
27:08
Yeah, I went up and then saw the light and I'm like, I'm guess
27:11
I'm done. I'm done folks.
27:12
A few. Minutes later, a couple more
27:13
people go on and he's he comes up and he's like, I got to go on
27:16
soon and I'm like, no, right, you already went.
27:19
On Oh, that's right, that's. Right.
27:20
Oh, right. That's.
27:21
Right, good. Right.
27:21
Go ahead, Right? It was good.
27:23
It was good. Was like, how was it?
27:24
How was it? He's like, someone's gonna have
27:25
to drive the video. We do and it was in the old bar
27:28
so it looks like I played forever different, totally
27:30
different way. Now I can do it again and I have
27:32
two clips. Very good, yes, two totally
27:36
different places, two different places, a whole different.
27:38
I'm gonna get him to redecorate about 8 more times.
27:40
Yeah, yeah. Do you ever get nervous doing
27:43
that when you like testing jokes out at like open bars, open mic
27:46
type things? It's certainly easier at open
27:48
mic because I think at some point you mentally have to go
27:51
like, hey, this is an open mic. It's not.
27:52
Important not care at all. Yeah, I especially in the
27:55
beginning when you're trying and you don't know anybody, you're
27:58
like desperately want everything to be very good, right?
28:01
So people will like you and be your friend.
28:03
Did. You ever like just flat out
28:06
completely smash bomb open mic as you as how what?
28:10
Like I'm just trying to gaze like how many good in a row did
28:13
you have before you absolutely face planted?
28:16
I probably had one good one that did, and then it was just face
28:19
plant out to face. Really.
28:21
Yeah. And I mean, you just, you just
28:22
get better. That's the thing, Face.
28:24
Plant like you messed up the jokes or just the crowd just was
28:26
like. It could be any number of
28:29
reasons I would. I always like to try to
28:31
attribute it to my fault. That's how I.
28:36
Am take blame. I think that's the best way to
28:38
do it because, you know, sometimes audiences do suck,
28:41
right? I mean, it's, it's just.
28:42
Any in any kind of show. Any kind?
28:45
Of show comedy, yeah. I've been to, I've been to
28:47
concerts where people sat down and nobody stood up for the
28:51
entire nobody danced, nobody got up to the front, nobody did.
28:54
They just all sat there and stared at a band, and that
28:59
happens. No, that's what I'm saying.
29:00
The the crowds you you have to depend on on them a little bit.
29:04
But I think if you start like just constantly blaming the
29:08
audience and being like, they sucked, they sucked.
29:10
It wasn't me, yeah. Yeah, you get to that.
29:12
You get to that. Exactly.
29:13
It wasn't, it wasn't my fault. You have to take some onus for
29:16
what's happening, even if it's as simple as going, hey, you
29:20
didn't read the room. These people didn't want you to
29:22
talk about the most inappropriate thing you could
29:25
think of, which happens often. You know, you gotta do, you
29:31
gotta, you gotta try to blame yourself 1st.
29:33
And then if you kind of go through the things and you're
29:35
like, OK, well, I did this and you're like, all right, the
29:37
audience kind of sucked. That happens.
29:39
OK, it's not impossible. See, yeah, no, I get so in my
29:42
head and I'm like, man, it's I wouldn't blame the audience.
29:45
I'd blame me no matter what. Yeah, blame.
29:47
Blame yourself. Always first.
29:48
That's not a problem. Yeah, I hate myself a lot.
29:50
So that's. Yeah, that's what Yeah, that's
29:53
why people do comedy, because they hate themselves.
29:56
Here's The funny thing that sometimes will happen with
29:58
comedians is that they become very aloof, at least in the
30:02
time, the small time I've done it in the summer, I've.
30:04
Wow, really? You think?
30:05
OK. They become very aloof and they
30:07
go like, I don't give a shit. You mean to like what?
30:10
A crowd will think of their. Jokes.
30:12
They're like, we don't care. We don't care about them.
30:16
Deep inside, they desperately are well.
30:18
They have to care. They get paid to care.
30:20
Yeah, well, you can talk. You hate yourself.
30:21
There's levels of it like we're writers and comedy, so we
30:24
already hate ourselves anyway. Because we write all the time.
30:26
I feel like that's taking it up one more step further, because
30:29
now I'm going to show you all my writing.
30:32
Yeah, and you got to do it. You like and it's, it's hard.
30:37
It's tough. Like it's, it's one of those
30:39
things that like when you go out there and because you're baring
30:45
yourself a little bit, yeah, you're baring yourself.
30:47
You are. Even if it's like a, if it's not
30:50
even a thing about you particularly, it's a joke you've
30:52
written about like a topic or anything like that.
30:54
Yeah. You're still like, it's almost
30:57
like bringing your mom a drawing you made, right?
31:01
And you're like, please say it's nice.
31:03
And you're just like, do you like this?
31:05
Is this nice? And anything other than it's the
31:07
greatest thing I've ever seen is gonna be devastating.
31:09
Yes. Are you putting it on the fridge
31:11
or not? Yeah, right.
31:13
Well, and then the further you get and the better the last
31:17
become and the better you become, I think you start to get
31:21
a little more desperate for a good laugh, honestly, because in
31:25
the beginning you're like, I suck and I'm not going to get
31:27
any good laughs. So any laugh is great and.
31:29
You're like chasing the laugh dragon.
31:31
But then you get to a point where you're like, OK, I need, I
31:33
need big laughs all the time or it doesn't fill the I like this
31:37
because. You're in a really interesting
31:38
spot. Like I said, three years is
31:40
good. Like most of the time when we
31:41
talk to people, it's comedians that have been comedians for
31:42
30-40 years or comedians that have done it for less than a
31:45
year. So it's like really nice to kind
31:47
of hear how how it kind of morphs.
31:50
So you're chasing the laughs now?
31:51
Yeah, and bad. Yeah.
31:53
And you got to, you definitely want to chase the last.
31:55
You got to be careful. It's like a it's a tight little
31:58
tightrope to walk, that's what. I'm saying because when you have
32:00
the bad nights, you're like but. You don't want to sell yourself
32:04
out, right? You know what I mean?
32:05
You still got, I still think you got to do what you do Because
32:09
that's like my favorite thing about comedy is we all may talk
32:13
about like the same topics, but we're all individual little
32:17
flowers. They get to have our own say.
32:20
So you have to like, I think at least for me, sometimes I have
32:23
to avoid going for the the thing that is like this would work,
32:28
but it's not me, you know what I mean?
32:30
So you only like trying to write.
32:31
No, no, like writing jokes that are true to actually yourself
32:33
because if you're even if it's something you write that you
32:35
think is funny, but it's not going to come off as Bill
32:37
Pettifer. It's just, yeah, like, it's just
32:39
like if they're going to, you know, like, because I hear it
32:41
and I go, that's not me, you know what I mean?
32:43
And then I'm thinking the audience goes inside this guy
32:46
it. Could be a funny joke if Ryan
32:47
told it, but you're not Ryan. Right could.
32:50
Write it for Ryan. And you never.
32:52
Will be, he said. Don't you forget it.
32:57
You guys could do like a weird before and after.
32:59
A little bit, yeah. The hair in there, OK.
33:01
That's me if I could grow like grow facial hair.
33:03
Before, before and after. Not survivor after.
33:05
On Survivor, kind of a situation, 30 days on the
33:08
island. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:09
Like he's castaway version of me.
33:11
Castaway, Ryan I. Thought you were going to say
33:14
before and after you take purple comet.
33:16
The. Before which is the before.
33:20
You're a man now, kid. Yeah, am I the after because
33:23
I've ripped all my hair out? No, you'd be before the three
33:27
night in a row purple comet. Band and then three.
33:30
Like Friday night, 20 minutes before the probably feel it
33:32
Sunday. After you feel it, hag you.
33:34
Feel it deflating in a you know, you put it in the Red Bull.
33:39
Mix it around Purple Comet. Yeah, that's what you.
33:41
Do you break it up and the red? We got to circle this all back
33:44
around to that I. Mean we just did, yeah.
33:46
This is not a bad idea. I'm sure a doctor would
33:50
disapprove. I'm sure if you talk to a
33:52
doctor. I'm sure a lot of people we've
33:54
got. People on the that we can get
33:56
to. Should we get somebody to do it
33:57
with a doctor on standby to monitor what happens?
34:00
Actually, scientifically, you could.
34:01
Probably get a legit EMT to do. That Can we get somebody to
34:04
like, step into an MRI machine while they're red, purple,
34:07
commodating you? Probably just put the little
34:09
sleeve on them and check their blood pressure.
34:11
Yeah, because it's going to open your capillary, so then the
34:13
blood's flowing, and then that energy drink's going to get your
34:16
heart cranked because they're dilated, right?
34:18
You couldn't do it because of anxiety.
34:20
I couldn't do it, yeah. Anxiety I don't think Donnie
34:22
could probably handle it either. Anxiety.
34:24
I think he's the only one in this room currently that could.
34:26
Handle it. He's done it.
34:27
That's what I'm saying. But could handle and he barely
34:29
could handle. It yeah, it was, it was a it was
34:30
a scary moment, dude. A cup of black coffee and a blue
34:34
chew. Yeah, that's.
34:36
That's your memoir. Black coffee.
34:38
Cup of black coffee. And a blue chew he.
34:40
Said he wanted to write a novel. That's it, that's it.
34:44
Memoirs of my. Life brews and blue chews.
34:46
The purple Comet. Cold brews and blue chews
34:53
Mogwing too. Nice.
34:55
Now we're just we're recapping chapter.
34:56
One building. Bill, where you going to be?
34:59
Yeah, if you got. Plug plug away.
35:02
I'm sure all of you will be local, so yes, I've got any
35:07
spots coming up. Are you playing Japan?
35:09
You playing Tokyo? No, I'll be in Saint Pete.
35:12
There's a lot of great places out there, Tampa, a lot of good.
35:16
So you're comedy clubs? Out there, will you?
35:18
Tampa to Tampa to Venice. Fort Myers, I don't really get
35:21
down South, actually. I probably should more, but I
35:25
really was attracted to Tampa. Saint Pete, yes.
35:29
And I've just kind of been running that.
35:30
Stay in that area. Nice.
35:32
It's a great, it's a great area. You're going to see a lot of
35:34
young comics who are working really hard and it's good.
35:38
It's great rooms out there. Yeah, all.
35:40
Right, cool. Guys, Anything before we let
35:42
Bill get out of here? No.
35:47
Well, you want us to talk now at the end?
35:49
Yeah. Thinking about purple comments.
35:51
Thinking about purple comments. Do you want to do do an after
35:52
this? Do you want to do a little sound
35:54
healing thing? I don't know.
35:56
Boo Boo Boo. Not my first time sound healing
35:58
if I can be on. This I get my time machine I
36:00
traveled from 107 years. Ago I'm battery.
36:03
It's working. See.
36:08
There we go. Got it.
36:11
Yeah, I'm, I'm. Place place out with the theme
36:13
song. Sing the lyrics, it's like.
36:15
What's the? Theme song to.
36:19
Purple, I was a bad musician. I won't.
36:21
Play is a song called Purple Comet.
36:23
Purple Comet all in my brain. Is that a song Maybe somebody
36:28
already made Will. Keep going, keep going.
36:30
We're trying to get an advertising sponsorship.
36:33
In Red Bull, please Red Bull. We come back next.
36:39
Next time we're all in Blue Chew Red Bull merch.
36:42
Dude, if you got me, listen, if you got me a blue chew like
36:49
Adidas tracksuit. That's literally what I'm
36:52
picturing. I would wear it.
36:53
Got the symbol right here. He's drinking a red.
36:56
Bull. I would wear it everywhere I go
36:58
and on stage permanently. Permanently.
37:02
Bill, Purple Comet Peddifer. Yeah, I'm so in.
37:08
You get a codpiece for days that you just can't quite support
37:10
the. Blue Chew, guys kicking, taking
37:13
Blue Chew. My heart's going to fucking
37:14
explode. That's how you got to end every
37:17
bit, every, every, every. You're done.
37:19
All right, guys, I've been built, Pettifer.
37:20
And then you eat a blue. A walk off stage.
37:23
There's always you should bring like a little Advil and like put
37:27
it on stage with a Red Bull, like just there.
37:29
We do Red Bull and a pill, so like you come up and you're like
37:32
one second. I like to start my time.
37:35
For the both of them, they gotta be able to see the bag so they
37:38
go. Is that dude taking a blue chew
37:40
right now? Do we put it like an aspirin or
37:41
like a piece of candy? Like a Tic tac.
37:43
In the blue cheek, yeah, like. Starting your set with the blue
37:45
chew. And like a clear blue Tic Tac.
37:48
I I throwback the blue chew, I crush the Red Bull like I I down
37:53
it, I down it. Maybe I even maybe even shotgun
37:56
that bad boy. What size do you smash?
37:58
I usually do about an 8 oz. I don't like to get too big.
38:00
Yeah. Just drink half the many with
38:02
the the blue chew at the beginning and then.
38:05
And then just go what's up fuckers?
38:07
Yeah, Face. All in your beard.
38:10
It's just dripping. Who's?
38:11
Ready for a purple comment? Header for blue.
38:13
Dust on your mustache. All right, boys and girls, we
38:17
have a 15 minute. Timer.
38:18
Skinny macho man. OK, OK.
38:22
It's like a macho man did Ozempic macho.
38:24
Man, Candy Savage, this is the post.
38:26
Handy Savage. Yeah, for thanks again.
38:29
We'll get you. We'll get you.
38:30
Thank you guys so much apologizing.
38:32
No, this is a really good podcast.
38:34
I really thank you guys for having me.
38:35
I appreciate it. Good night.
38:36
You get no high fives. Yeah, yeah, Donnie and Eiffel
38:42
Tower. Yeah.