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IT'S NOT YOU · The Karen Kenney Show

• 0:01
  Karen Kenney: Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I am so happy to be here spending a little time together. And this episode I'm calling this sucka, it's not
• 0:13
  you, it's not you. And consider this like a little love letter from my hat to the hat of my fellow writers, musicians, creatives, people who are trying to put good things out
• 0:29
  into the world, helpful things out into the world, people like entrepreneurs, people who are trying to be of service in some way. The help is, you know, just the creative people
• 0:40
  who feel like they have some sort of a calling or something to offer the world to help their fellow beings or whatever. This is just a little love letter, and why I'm
• 0:54
  calling it. It's not you. Is there's going to be a pot two to this, but this is pot one. It's not you. And let me just tell you a little bit of a story to drop this into
• 1:06
  into place and to maybe make make sense. Um, so my sweetie, okay, many of you know my sweetie, my my husband, Chris Lester, is a professional musician. He's been, you know,
• 1:20
  playing live and doing, I mean, he's been playing music, like, started making sounds as a little drama when he was, like, three years old, and then he switched over to
• 1:29
  bass, and then he switched over to guitar, and he, you know, whatever, he can play a bunch of things. And he's also a singer and a songwriter and a producer. So he's wicked
• 1:36
  talented. He really pours himself into his craft. He works hard at it. He's a professional, you know? He's like, he's like, fantastic. Now, my sweetie does
• 1:47
  several different things. So throughout the course of a week, like just this past week, okay, he played some solo gigs at like, local restaurants, pubs, whatever. And then
• 1:57
  he had some larger shows, some bigger shows. So sometimes he'll play on really big stages, like he's played, like he plays with his band, the doc desert eagles, which is an
• 2:08
  incredible eagles, if you like the band, The Eagles, it's an incredible Eagles tribute band. And they'll play places like Hampton Beach, casino ballroom or aura in Portland,
• 2:18
  or travel around the country, you know. And sometimes he'll play rooms with like 700 people. Sometimes he'll play rooms with like 1500 plus people. Sometimes he'll be in a
• 2:29
  local buy. You know what I'm saying? He's torn around. He's played with everybody from Carole King to Sully Erna of God smack to like, you name it. You name it. He's like,
• 2:40
  he's been around, right? Okay, but there's a reason why I'm telling you all this. So think about this some. Some nights, he'll be on stage in front of, let's say, one of the
• 2:51
  big rooms, the the casino ballroom, 1500 people, and he'll be up with with his band, he'll do sing, blah, blah, blah, and he'll get like, standing ovations. The people are
• 3:01
  just like, Oh my God. Like clapping, going crazy, spotlights, the whole big should do, right? And then this same incredibly talent person can play in a local bar, let's say,
• 3:13
  right, a local pub restaurant, whatever you want to call it, and he'll be in the corner playing and singing and doing what he does, and there will be people who keep their back
• 3:25
  to him, who don't pay attention, who never clap, who never acknowledge him, don't leave a tip, like whatever. And it's fascinating, because it can be really easy now, if my
• 3:38
  sweetie wasn't aware of the the dynamics of this, and part of what I think is the dynamics of this are two very important things, which is the people and the place.
• 3:50
  And the reason why I'm sharing this with you, dear listener, because maybe you fall into one of those categories, and like as a creative or a writer or whatever. But this
• 4:02
  can also apply to you in your relationships or you in your family of origin, and I'm going to break that pot down in a minute, so stay tuned. But it could be really easy for
• 4:16
  my sweetie to get discouraged, to feel dejected, to feel like rejected, to feel like what he was offering wasn't good enough, because the people in those pubs are
• 4:27
  like not clapping or not paying attention. And now, now that's that's a rare thing these days, right? But when you break down the elements of why it might be okay, the
• 4:37
  people who are going to one of those big shows, they had to find out when the show was. They had to be interested. They had to buy a ticket. They had to get some skin in
• 4:50
  the game, right with their cash, their time, their energy, their resources, and they had to show up. And then they have to be present and available to the magic and the sound
• 4:59
  that is. Coming towards them, and those are the people who are like your people. They're in the audience. They are there to see you. They see you. And even if it's their first
• 5:10
  time at this gig, let's say a friend invited them to this show. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna connect the dots. So stay with me, right? Maybe, if you're a first time person in the
• 5:19
  audience, but you're there, and you're like, holy shit. That's like, Pat badger from extreme. That's this guy from steel hot. That's like, Oh my God. This guy's like,
• 5:27
  teaches at Berkeley. Oh my god. These guys are professionals. They're fantastic. This show is fun. And then all of a sudden, you're there, standing ovation, clapping, so
• 5:35
  glad that you're there. You're participating, and you're rewarding the creativity and the artistry, and you're recognizing, holy shit, these guys have
• 5:45
  really put in the time and the effort and the energy and the money or whatever, to create this incredible show. And there's an exchange that's happening there, because the
• 5:55
  people in the audience are the right people at the right time, in the right place, and they're getting it now. Plunk, plunk, the same really talented musician or musicians
• 6:06
  into a local like pub or restaurant or whatever, where number one the restaurant is the one hiring them. So these people do not have to buy a ticket. They may not even know
• 6:17
  that there's live music at this place. They're just going there to watch TV, because sometimes you'll be a musician playing in a bar, and there'll be like, 18
• 6:26
  TVs around you, and people are like, looking over your head or looking over your shoulder. They're not there to see you, or they're playing Kino, because there are
• 6:34
  restaurants that have, like, gambling stuff in them, so they are not there to see that person. They have no skin in the game. They're not invested, they're not
• 6:43
  interested. They might from listening. Just happen to you know, that happens a lot, you know, but there'll be people that you know didn't know my speedy was going to be
• 6:55
  playing them by the end of the night. They're a fan, and they're like, where's your schedule, and when can we see you? And how can we find you know, and that's really
• 7:01
  cool, too. They they become converted, right? Not because my sweeties trying to convince them of anything, but they hear it, and they're like, on board, and they're
• 7:09
  like, yes. But there's a major difference between those two experiences, between putting your artistry, putting your creativity, putting your offer, putting your
• 7:18
  service in front of people who get it, who understand who you are and what you do, who want it, right? Who like to support live music, or like to support your craft,
• 7:32
  whatever it is that you as a person, is offering, and people who just don't get it. They don't get it, they can't see it, they don't want it. They're really different the
• 7:43
  people in the places where you're sharing your offering, whether it's your business, your service, your music, your stories, your you know, whatever it is, your talent, you
• 7:55
  might have a really different experience, and it can be really, really easy, because a lot of times artists and creatives are highly sensitive people. It's what allows us
• 8:09
  to take a look at the world and create art from it, is that we feel things, and we see things, and we think about things, and then we try to take what, what's happening, and
• 8:18
  create something from it. We are meaning making machines, right? And so it can be really easy when you are trying to put something out into the world, and it's not
• 8:28
  getting a response, and it's not getting like the respect, right, the reaction, or the return, as they would say in business, the ROI, the return on investment, you're
• 8:39
  like, Oh my God, I've poured all my heart and soul and time and energy into this thing, and the people just aren't responding. And whether it's you're sending
• 8:49
  emails to your list, or you're sending a podcast out there, or, like, let's say it was somebody's birthday and you handmade a gift for them, or you baked a meal for
• 8:59
  somebody, or whatever, and you know, you know what you've poured into it, but it wasn't the right audience, man. They the right person or the right place or the right
• 9:09
  time. They just could not appreciate it. And you know, it's not that. And this is the part I really want you to to listen up, like, really lean in and listen to what I'm
• 9:18
  saying, my sensitive, dear, hearted, creatives.
• 9:23
  It's not that what you are creating or offering, it's not that it's not valuable or that it's not worthy or that it's not worthwhile. It's a matter of who you're
• 9:33
  putting it in front of, and their capacity to appreciate it and receive it, and their capacity to see you and appreciate you. It's also sometimes a matter of their priority,
• 9:48
  and sometimes it's a matter of how they identify and see themselves. And I'm going to dive into that in a little bit as well. And you know, there's a story, you know,
• 9:59
  somewhere. In the Bible, it's probably in the Gospel somewhere. I don't know, Matthew, John, Luke, maybe I don't know. I don't want to take a bat. I don't want to take a bad
• 10:08
  guess, right? But there's like, a phrase that, like, Jesus says, like, something like, Don't cast your pearls before swine, right? And I don't know the exact wording,
• 10:18
  but it's something like, because they'll just trample all over it. They'll just, like, take their little hooves and go do because they don't even know what they're
• 10:26
  being offered. And then I think the second part of that is they might trample it, or they'll get angry. They might trample it, or they get angry. To me, the trampling of
• 10:38
  these things that you're putting before people, your pearls, your writing, your music, your your business office, your meal that you've created, the gift that you like,
• 10:48
  whatever it is, the the love you are trying to extend somebody in a relationship, right? Again, whether it's your family of origin or your chosen family or your friends, right?
• 10:58
  Sometimes you're trying to Office, something from the hot and they're like, ping, ping. Like, what they're doing, this cross arm thing, like the Wonder Woman, like little
• 11:07
  bracelets that could, like, you know, deflect bullets. Well, people, a lot of times, will deflect what's good for them. They'll deflect love. They'll deflect the
• 11:15
  thing that they actually need. Going back to what I said, because it's a matter of their priorities, there are times when people are like, Yeah, I don't want to do the work on
• 11:25
  myself. Now imagine like being in my shoes, right? As an example, like being a spiritual mentor, being a yoga teacher, being somebody who office like, you know, somatic work,
• 11:37
  like yoga and Thai Yoga massage, you know, somebody who offers the spiritual, the mental and the emotional work of spiritual mentoring, subconscious reprogramming, neuro
• 11:47
  like practical neuro neuro science or neuro plasticity. You know, who brings in conversational hypnosis and integrative change work? And I have all these things,
• 11:58
  and I'm saying here, world here. I'm offering you this here. This is how I help. This is how I serve. This is how I spread love in the world, like here, and it's like
• 12:09
  crickets. Now it can be really easy. And trust me, you can ask my sweetie, you can ask my best friend, there have been times when I'm like, just crying, just crying,
• 12:21
  going, like, what I'm trying to offer, these things and like, why don't people want it? The world? And I would say the world just doesn't want what I have to offer. And
• 12:30
  they'd be like, it's not true. My sweetie would be like, sweetie, because he calls me sweetie. He's like, sweetie. It's not you, it's the wrong audience. It's not the right
• 12:41
  people. They don't get it, and it's not, it's like it's not their priority for a lot of people working, quote, unquote, working on yourself, working to transform patterns
• 12:54
  and habits and old stories that are keeping people stuck and in their shit and suffering and miserable, and they're staying in these marriages or these jobs or these
• 13:03
  relationships or these patterns of consciousness, right, the ways that they're choosing, the decisions that they're making. You know, they're suffering, basically, but
• 13:13
  we've normalized it, or it just isn't a priority. Hi Toby pajamas, sorry little I just saw Toby crawl out from underneath the if you're watching this, you can see him. He
• 13:26
  just popped out in his little hidey hole where he was taking a nap. So cute.
• 13:31
  Um, so it might not be their priority to like work on themselves, or to, you know, get to know themselves better, to understand themselves better, to know why they do what
• 13:41
  they do, and think what they think and believe what they believe, and say what they say, and the stories they tell about themselves or others, the ways that they
• 13:49
  trip themselves up and self sabotage and can't feel inner peace or happiness or satisfaction, right? They get everything they thought they wanted, and it's still
• 13:58
  they're not happy, right? So they don't understand, first of all, that they could even use what you're offering. They don't self identify as somebody who needs that
• 14:10
  kind of help. You know, Have you ever known somebody where you look at them and not this is not in a condescending way, and this is not in a judgmental way, a mean way, or
• 14:21
  anything. And you just think, wow, it might really help that person to talk to somebody, and whether that's a therapist or a coach or a pastor or a spiritual mentor or whoever,
• 14:31
  right, they could really use some new perspective, uh, learn some learn some tools to shift their mind right, from fear to love, to learn how to to be with to make
• 14:42
  sense of maybe some things that have happened, and like, get some support and have an unshaming Witness, you know what I mean. And but if you were to mention to them
• 14:51
  getting help, they would kind of be like they'd get pissed at you. And it goes back to that right Don't cast your pearls before swine, because they might trample them. Get
• 15:00
  angry. And people can get angry for a couple of reasons. One, they're like, don't tell me that I need help. I don't need therapy. You need therapy. You're the one who has issues.
• 15:09
  You're the one who needs help. Like, don't judge me, like, whatever. And so they may not self identify as somebody who could benefit from what you have to offer. You
• 15:21
  know they might not understand like, they don't prioritize, they don't make reading like, let's say you're a writer, and they're not people who make reading a priority.
• 15:31
  They're not somebody who's interested in really learning or growing. You know what I mean? So it can be really easy, though, when your environment is not reflecting back to
• 15:42
  you that what you're offering, oh, my god, can you hear him screaming that what you're offering is of worth or a value, and it can really be easy to confuse what you're
• 15:54
  offering with you. So if people aren't, quote, like, let's say you're an entrepreneur, and it's like people aren't, quote, unquote, buying, or you're not, as
• 16:03
  they would say, getting new clients, or your funnel is not, like, whatever, all this stuff, right? And you're like, I've invested all this time in this and this and this, and
• 16:13
  now I'm putting it out there, and nobody's signing up for my event, or nobody's coming to my class, or nobody's downloading my PDF, or like, nobody's opening my emails, nobody,
• 16:23
  nobody's listening to my podcast. And it can be so easy to get to start discouraged. And this is why it's one of the reasons why a lot of people, I mean, the success rate of a
• 16:36
  podcast. It's why there are so many podcasts that people start, they get under less than like, 10 episodes, and they quit. And there's a reason why Apple podcasts, when
• 16:49
  you think about like, where people put their podcasts out to be distributed to like, where people can listen to it, there's a reason why Apple, Apple will not let you
• 17:00
  upload unless you already have at least three episodes in the can because they want to see that you can actually do more than one one that you will get some skin in the
• 17:10
  game. But a lot of people start and stop. A lot of people quit and give up because they feel like they're not getting back the energy or the effort or the attention or
• 17:24
  whatever that it's not it doesn't feel like an equal exchange, because you know you're like again, you're pouring your hat out, or you're standing in the corner with your
• 17:32
  guitar, singing, doing all this stuff, and it's just that it's not the right people. It's not you. Sometimes it's just not you, it's just not the right people, and it's not
• 17:45
  the right place, and sometimes it's not the right time. And I'm sharing this with you because it's important that we can start to tell the difference between like we don't
• 17:57
  want to waste things of value, okay? You your time, your energy, your resource, right? I don't think what your love ever really gets wasted. I think your love is
• 18:08
  something that can always be beneficial, even if the other person doesn't get it yet. But we don't want to waste things of value on those who won't appreciate them, who
• 18:17
  might get angry by your offer of the thing. But there can also be times where, if you're trying to share something, or just be yourself and shine your light right in front
• 18:29
  of people who themselves are jealous or insecure or envious or competitive or like wicked ambitious, and those people who don't think that there's enough to go around. You
• 18:42
  know, there'll be times when you could be like you could be offering the best thing in the world. You could just be out in the world being yourself, and somebody else is
• 18:51
  going to get annoyed, triggered, angered, pissed off, whatever, just because you are alive and breathing. And I tell this funny story that I was at an event one time, it
• 19:01
  wasn't my event. I was there as a participant, and I was out in California. I had flown out there for the event, and I was in a group coaching program or whatever. And
• 19:10
  so we would do these every, like six months, or whatever it was. We would do these events where all the members of this coaching program would, like, fly in and get
• 19:18
  together, and we'd have a blast. And it was at the end of the program. It was like a year long program, and we were wrapping things up, and at the end we were all
• 19:28
  hanging out in this big room, and we were sitting in a big circle, and people were sharing and talking, and then, you know, playing music and hugging, and everybody was
• 19:35
  saying goodbye, because we were flying back to our different, you know, where areas, where we lived, and whatever. And I'll never forget, I'll never forget it was so funny,
• 19:44
  like, I had all these people who were like, we were all hugging each other and like, oh my god, I love you. I'm gonna miss you. This was so great, so fantastic. I'm so happy I
• 19:51
  get to spend this weekend with you. And then all of a sudden, this one woman came up to me, and she's a little bit younger than me. Pretty, like, young, smart, whatever, and
• 20:02
  she comes up to me, and she like, kind of grabs me by the arms, like she's standing in front of me. And she kind of like grabs me by the arms, and she just goes like this.
• 20:09
  She blurts out. She literally just blurts it out, I was hugging one of our coaches, and I got done hugging her, and then she came over to get her hug. And then she turned around
• 20:18
  and saw me. She grabs my arms, and she just go see this, oh my god. Oh my god. Like you trigger me so much. You trigger me so much. Like all weekend, like every time I see you,
• 20:29
  like you trigger me so much. I was just like, standing there, like, like dumbfounded, like, just kind of laughing, like I was smiling, and I just kind of
• 20:42
  laugh, because I'm like, Ah, like, she just hot potatoed me. And I'm like, I don't want to catch this. I don't even know what you're loving at me. And I'm like, I'm like, Okay.
• 20:51
  And she's like, huh, but like, I realized, you know, it's not you, it's like, it's me. Like, I gotta, like, I gotta, you know, I gotta work on my silly and I'm like, Oh my
• 21:00
  God. I mean, I said hi to this person. I was friendly to this person. I had never really, probably talked in depth to this person, whatever. And I'm thinking, Oh my God. Like,
• 21:12
  I'm just over here being me, and they're having their own whole reaction over here. And it was very clear to me, I'm like, That's not you. I'm like, It's not you, it's
• 21:24
  not you, that's, that's it's not you. You can't help how other people are responding or reacting, right? And so, like I said, Don't cast your pearls before swine.
• 21:36
  Sometimes they're going to trample on it because they don't appreciate it, they don't get it, they don't understand it. They don't identify as somebody who needs it or wants
• 21:43
  it. But sometimes they will get angry and they will have a reaction to you, and a lot of times if another person now, I mean, just let's pause for a moment and have an honest
• 21:55
  moment with ourselves. Shall we double A men hands? If you can recognize this in yourself that there has been a time where there has been a person in your life, or an event you
• 22:05
  went to, and instead of being like, really happy in the audience, clapping, some part of you was, like, having a strong reaction. I don't like them. Who do they think they
• 22:15
  she's too big for her britches? Oh, they think they're so spent, like, whatever the thing is, and the person on stage, it's like, it's not you, if you're just going
• 22:26
  about your business trying to, like, present or speak or storytell or off of something or whatever, and somebody in the audience. And look, these days, the audience is everywhere
• 22:36
  because of social media. You could just be at your house filming something with your cat and post it, and people's reactions and people's responses, I'm going to do a whole
• 22:46
  other episode on that. But look, it's not you. It's not you, and I really don't want you to stop shining your light or being bright or being the you know, the incredible
• 23:00
  you know, helper or person of service, or creative, or creator, or whatever the CO creator that you are, you know, because other people just don't get it, or they want
• 23:13
  it and they don't have it yet, so they get mad at you. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, there's a difference, I guess is what I'm trying to say. There's a difference
• 23:22
  between speaking to people who are willing
• 23:26
  to look at themselves, willing to do a little work, willing to get some skin in the game, willing to invest in themselves, willing, you know, to to want to grow and
• 23:36
  expand and all that stuff. There's a difference between speaking to the willing and the curious versus wasting time on the hot headed and the hot headed. You know, we
• 23:47
  have to be aware of this difference, and sometimes we don't. We automatically turn on ourselves, the inner critic that lives within us. You know, that voice, it tells
• 23:58
  you you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not whatever enough, you're not worthy, you're too much. This not enough that you're not you're not lovable, you're
• 24:06
  not capable, you're not whatever. It can be really easy when the external world isn't really responding in a way that you would hope to turn it on yourself and to start to
• 24:19
  kind of eat yourself alive from the inside, right from the inside out, and it can be really discouraging, especially if you're just getting started with something again.
• 24:32
  This is like a love letter from my heart to yours, like, don't give up. Now, it's important that we do do some investigative journalism a little bit, right, and take a
• 24:41
  look around. Because sometimes it's just Oh, it is the it's not that. It's not good. It's just like, maybe I need to tweak this or whatever. Like, we have to be realistic. We
• 24:52
  don't just get to walk around saying, Oh, it's it's not me, it's them. Because no, Hello, Pat too. We'll get to that. I. Um on the next episode, uh. But right now, right?
• 25:05
  You might not realize the difference between Oh, like, we just assume, like, Oh, these people are on my email list. Oh, or this person signed up for that, or this person,
• 25:15
  you know, is kind of like in my world, and so they're my audience. And it's like, no, we might not realize until we've already tried to, like, reach, reach people, like,
• 25:25
  with our offering, that we're going to be rejected, that nobody's going to raise their hand and say, Sign me up. I want in. Let's do this. I'm excited by your work. Like, I
• 25:38
  see what you're doing. It's really great. Like, you're my coach, you're my person, right? And so sometimes it can feel like you're wasting your time and your energy and
• 25:48
  your resources, and we all have to, you know, we all have to have those come to Jesus moments with ourselves when we're like, Yeah, this is just not working, and
• 25:59
  it's time to do something else. Like, I've tried everything that I know how to do, what right? And it makes me also think of that parable or story where they say, you know,
• 26:10
  Jesus couldn't perform miracles in His own hometown. And I've talked about this on other episodes. You know, I did a whole episode about how familiarity can breed
• 26:21
  contempt. You know, there are people who stop being able to see you. This happens a lot in relationships is we become too familiar with one another, and we stop kind
• 26:35
  of appreciating the person who's across from us, and whether that's your sweetie or your sibling or your parents or your kids, or whoever, your best friends. You know, a lot
• 26:44
  of times people cannot see you outside of the box that they put you in. So to a lot of Jesus's hometown, like Jesus can, like, travel to, like, other cities and towns, and
• 26:54
  he's out there healing the sick, and he's walking on water, and he's, like, performing miracles, and he's turning blood, blood into water. You know, all the stories, right?
• 27:02
  He's doing all this stuff, and he comes home and he can't he can't get anything off the ground. He can't get any Mojo rolling. He can't perform any miracles, because the
• 27:11
  people there don't have belief in faith. They just go, are like, Oh, this is the COVID kid who lives down the street with his hammer, right? This kid's nothing special.
• 27:20
  Who do you? Who does he think he is? Doesn't he know who he doesn't he know how this works around here. Don't you going around thinking, don't get too big for your
• 27:27
  britches, right? Jesus, like, keep it. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? It's like, so hysterical. But sometimes we cannot perform miracles at our own hometown too, because
• 27:39
  people have just seen you too many times. They don't understand who's right in front of them. They cannot see you. They can't appreciate it, you know. And so it can be
• 27:50
  really, really, really easy to turn in on yourself and to attack yourself, and to judge yourself, and to just give up and to stop creating because you're like, it's just
• 28:02
  not worth it, and it hurts too much when they say no, or I get embarrassed, or I feel ashamed, and I'm just not good enough, right? We start to tell ourselves this
• 28:12
  bullshit story, because it's not true. Your worth. I always say your self worth is not tied to your net worth. First of all you know who you are, who you are, is priceless,
• 28:23
  and sometimes it's just not the right audience. And I'm going to say it again, they don't get it, they don't want it, they're not ready. And they can think that
• 28:33
  if that happens, if you're perpetually trying to share with people who don't understand, who don't get it, who aren't ready, who don't want it. It's not because
• 28:45
  it's not worthwhile. It's just not the right audience, you know? And we've got to know our audience. And I've said this before, and this is particularly for writers, and I will
• 28:55
  say this also, well, I should say it's, it is. I have a soft spot for writers, being a writer, but this could you know you could be a dancer, you could be a painter, you could
• 29:04
  be a musician, like whatever. So I'm going to talk about this in two ways. Be mindful, like, know your audience. Like, know your audience. Be really mindful and careful
• 29:15
  about who you choose to share your work with so many of my writing friends who are very successful, you know, a lot of them do not show their work to anybody, right while it's
• 29:30
  in that very, I don't want to say fragile, but, yeah, that kind of fragile and vulnerable state where you could really get thrown off key if somebody comes in and
• 29:40
  starts critiquing and trying to be like smart and trying to tell you where it's wrong. You know, this is why, as a gateless writing instructor, the way that we only
• 29:49
  give loving feedback, we only tell you where the work is strong. We point out where the power is, where the strength is, where the craft is, where the goodness is, the stuff
• 29:58
  that like hits. US and lands with us and is memorable and has power, right? Because we know how easy it is to derail a creative act because you're putting your pearls before
• 30:10
  swine, you're getting feedback from people who, a, don't know what the fuck they're talking about. B, they're not readers, they're not writers, and you're just like,
• 30:18
  Oh, it's my best friend, oh it's my mom or, oh it's my sister. It's like they don't get it, they don't get it, and they don't know how to be tender during that initial
• 30:28
  creative process. We've also been and this is a whole other thing, but we've also been conditioned that what we really want the ego is trying to tell you. What you really want
• 30:40
  is to be critiqued, and you want to be told where it's wrong so you can be better. Like we believe that we want that hashness, but we don't, not in the beginning, especially
• 30:51
  so know your audience, be very careful about who you share these baby birds with. That's how I think of them, these tiny little birds that are just hatching. They're growing
• 31:03
  their wings. These little butterflies, right? They just came out of the cocoon. They're growing their wings. They're testing things out. Do not give it to the heavy
• 31:10
  handed, to the unkind, to the blind, to the cruel, to the ignorant, to the people who are not informed about this delicate intenda and powerful and important process. It's the
• 31:22
  same thing in relationships. You gotta know who is safe to share your vulnerable bits with. Not everybody earns the right. Brene Brown might have said that not everybody
• 31:35
  earns the right to hear your shameful stories or something like that, but we gotta know who's trustworthy. Of a delicate thing. We need really good listeners, really good
• 31:49
  unshaming witnesses, people who can see you and you want your balcony people. And if you haven't listened to that episode, it's balcony people and basement people, right?
• 32:00
  So much of finding your audience is finding your balcony people, the people who get you and celebrate you and cheer lead you and want you to succeed, and don't get weird and
• 32:10
  jealous when you're their friend and you have a hit right, a hit record or a hit book, or your course is selling really well, or your business is thriving, you'll
• 32:20
  understand right away. You'll you'll start to see people's personalities and and how they their spiritual maturity and their emotional maturity. Have have a friend, have
• 32:32
  a friend who like when you do well, notice their response, and it's normal. I want to say this, sometimes it can be normal, especially if you're in the same field,
• 32:45
  right? Whether it's a coach or musician or writer, whatever, where you one of you, right? And I'm actually just read this whole thing about a couple, both couples were
• 32:54
  writers, and the dynamic that happens when one gets success, I've seen it in actors and actresses, right? Or, I guess we call everybody actors now these days, when one of
• 33:05
  you starts to get success, like that tension, that dynamic that's created because the ego is involved, right? So we want to just make sure your balcony people are the
• 33:16
  people who, if you were getting an award or you were standing on stage, you're crossing that stage to graduate or get your PhD or your diploma, or you just won an award, or
• 33:26
  you're at a TED talk, or you're whatever it is. You're there. It's like to do your first book reading, and they're like the people that would be stomping their feet up in the
• 33:34
  balcony. They bought tickets, they paid to be there. They're cheering you on. They're swinging their jackets over their heads. They are creating a rumpus. They are
• 33:41
  creating a ruckus. They are like, making noise. That's my friend, that's my son, that's my sister, that's my sweetie. Like, yay sweetie. Like, it's inevitable if I'm
• 33:51
  ever at my sweetie show somewhere, somebody is a recording where they hear me in the background yell out, yay, sweetie. Sorry about that. Oh, my God. So we want to know
• 34:02
  who our people are. And then the last thing that I want to say about this, it's really easy when you're in a vulnerable place of thinking that what you're offering isn't any
• 34:14
  good, you're turning on yourself. You think you're fucked up, you're broken, you suck. You'll never be any good. This thing will never sell. You'll never be able to make
• 34:23
  money doing what you love. I should just give up like why? But when you're in that really vulnerable state of questioning yourself, when you are not standing in what
• 34:33
  we would call, or would call the Sanctum Sanctorum, where you are unwavering and knowing, like when you are unwavering in your faith, you know you are unwavering in
• 34:41
  your faith in the Divine, to have your back, that God is with you, your spiritual teams on the job, that you have your own inner resources, like you've got your own back
• 34:51
  when you're in your Sanctum Sanctorum, you you cannot be thrown off your game, right? But we're often not in that place, and this is why, like a. DSP, or DSP is like really
• 35:01
  important because it helps you to find that place, that unwavering, unshakable place within you. And when we can't find that place within ourselves, it's really
• 35:11
  important to have good friends around, to have at least one person who can remind us of who we are, remind us of our goodness, remind us of our strength, remind us of our
• 35:21
  light to hold us up when we get a little weak and weary of the bullshit. You know what I'm saying. And trust me, trust me. I have had those times. I have had those
• 35:31
  stretches where I'm like, I don't fucking know if I can keep doing this. Like I don't I don't even know if it's worth doing this. Does anybody even want this thing? It can be
• 35:38
  really easy to get discouraged. And this is why, like having a DSP and having a couple, this one or two if, if that's all you got people around you and to lean on, to lean on
• 35:50
  internal resources. And once in a while, get those, get those extra, like bolsters, in place of people propping you up, right? Because here's the thing, when you're in
• 35:59
  that very vulnerable place, I'm finally going to make my point when you're in that point. When you're in that very vulnerable place, it's wicked easy for the the
• 36:10
  predators to spot a slightly injured or weakened animal, right? But it's the same thing with like. Like, there are certain practices and coaches who, business,
• 36:23
  coaches, whatever, coaches who are going to see you, and they here's the thing, a lot of people don't make money unless you think you're broken and fucked up. And this is why
• 36:36
  so often they'll be like, well, I've got the three steps to making sure your funnel does whatever. Here are the seven things you need to do to make money. Here's the five
• 36:46
  whatever system to make, to grow your because as long as you think it's you and that you're up and you're broken and you're stupid and you confused and you don't know
• 36:57
  what to do, they're going to be able to make money off of you. They need you to not believe in yourself. Now I am not saying all coaches. Hello, I'm a coach, not not
• 37:09
  everybody, but just be mindful, be careful before you go to work with somebody like do a little research. Understand what it is, because those kinds of people who are not
• 37:22
  doing it for maybe it could be unconscious or subconsciously, right? There are some fantastic coaches out there, and there are some there are also some shifty
• 37:31
  motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying, and they want it to be about you. They want you to think it's about you, that you're defective, that you're broken, that you're a
• 37:40
  hot mess, that you're like murmur, because then you'll pay them money to try to figure it out and fix it. That's why I always say, like, I'm not here to fix you, because
• 37:52
  you're not broken. I'm here to walk along beside you. I'm here to share some tools that have helped me. I'm here to help remind you just how amazing and incredible you
• 38:02
  really are,
• 38:05
  right? Sometimes we do need external support. We do need resources. I wouldn't have a job if that wasn't true. We all need a little help along the way. You know what
• 38:17
  I'm saying, but be mindful of the intention, like, really tune into when you get when you're going to hire somebody. Like, like, what's this all? What's this really all
• 38:29
  about? Because it's a very vulnerable thing to be willing to put down your dukes, to stop putting on the Tough act, and to recognize, like, oh yeah. Like, I do need
• 38:42
  some help to be willing to identify yourself as somebody who could use somebody else's services, as somebody who could benefit from joining somebody's group, like the nest, or
• 38:53
  working one to one in the quest, you know, my spiritual one to one mentoring program for people to get to that place. Some, some stuff has to be going on. And they want to
• 39:04
  be able when you're already kind of vulnerable and raw. You don't want to be told, Oh yeah, you know what? That's right. You are fucked up, you, you are broken, you,
• 39:13
  you, I'll help you. I'm the only one who convicts you. You need this. It's like, no, no, no. This is about reminding you of the resources you already have, maybe sharing
• 39:23
  some tools and resources you didn't have because nobody's taught you yet, like, hello, hello, double A man hands. I I've had to go first in my own life, because there
• 39:32
  was a lot of things that nobody taught me, and I had to figure some things out, and now my one of the ways that I spread love is turning around and helping other people to
• 39:43
  understand, like, oh man. Like I have these patterns, I have these behaviors. Like I have these habits, I have these stories, I have these ways of thinking and being and
• 39:52
  like I, you know, helping people to understand themselves better, so that they can make different choices because they want. To make different choices, right? So
• 40:02
  they can start to maybe have different outcomes in their lives, in their relationships, so that they can start to heal and forgive themselves and forgive
• 40:10
  others. You know, I think this work that we do, you know, on ourselves, is some of the most important work there is to ever do in this lifetime. And it is amazing to me how
• 40:22
  many people don't make it a priority. And it can be really easy for me to slip into like, oh, I guess nobody wants what I'm what I'm offering, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 40:36
  And I have to keep reminding myself, I know this work is valuable. I know this work makes like it changes lives. I know because I did it too. So again, love letter from my
• 40:51
  heart to yours. Writers, creatives, coaches, mentors, entrepreneurs, anybody who is working for yourself and trying to offer something original or creative or inspired,
• 41:03
  it's not you. Sometimes it's just not you. It's just not the right audience, it's not the right people, it's not the right place, and it's not the right time. And so much of
• 41:16
  this work is trying to figure out, like, who is the like, Where are the people? Where are they? And what do they need, and what do they want? That's that's a whole other
• 41:27
  that's a whole other thing. But this also isn't a free pass to just put the blame out there, because that's what I said. Sometimes we gotta have a really honest look in the
• 41:40
  soul mirror and say, Okay, where do I need to adjust or tweak things or whatever? But don't abandon you. Don't abandon the truth of your own artistry. You know, I guess is
• 41:53
  the final thing that I'll say so many coaches, and I understand, I always say I would probably have a lot more money if I would just do it the way that the quote
• 42:03
  unquote influences or business quote unquote experts or coaches said to do things. But so many of those ways of doing things are just the icky to me, like not interested. Don't
• 42:16
  want to do it. Do not like it. I've never. I'm just, I shouldn't say never. I'm not the kind of person that likes to go out into the market and find out what everybody wants and
• 42:27
  then go create that thing. I just don't do things that way. Maybe I would be a lot wealthier if I did right. Maybe I'd have I always say I'm rich. I might not be super
• 42:38
  rich or rich financially, but I am rich in a lot of other ways, and I'm the kind of person that I like to create from, where the muse or the divine or my own little brain,
• 42:52
  right? My idea creation is guiding me. I like to move from an inspired place, like based on what is my story to tell? Not go out there and go like, Oh, I see Janet doing
• 43:05
  X, Y and Z, maybe I should create that program. Or Everybody loves hot yoga or this, or stretchy like, whatever. I'm just used making examples, right? Everybody loves
• 43:14
  this. Or Everybody loves that. I should go do that. It's like, no, the divine has given you your own individual curriculum. We have our own assignment. And these days, people
• 43:27
  really are starving for realness and authenticity and genuineness, and people who are creating like, listen to the call of your own heart. Go in. Spend some time with
• 43:40
  yourself. Get quiet and know what is yours, and don't give up. I'm walking along beside you as a fellow creative This is a love letter, again, from my hat to yours.
• 43:52
  Sometimes it's not you. I believe in you. I see you. I'm celebrating you. I'm cheering you on. And I hope you have some people local and close to you, who can hug you when
• 44:05
  things get scary, who can bolster you up your balcony. People, it's so important because it's so easy in this world to be told that you're not good enough, you're not
• 44:17
  smart enough, you're not whatever enough, right? And it's just not true. Who you are is who you are is worthy and enough and lovable and loving and capable of loving
• 44:31
  others. You can do this. Okay? So thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning in. You can find all the different ways to work with me right on my website. Karen kenney.com
• 44:42
  everything from local yoga class to working with me one to one to joining the NES, my spiritual group program, my coaching program. It's fantastic. And so many fun
• 44:51
  people, and we'd love to have you. So thank you for tuning in. Wherever you go. May you leave yourself and the other P. People and the animals and the place and the
• 45:02
  environment better than how you found it wherever you go, may you and your presence and your energy and your love and your creativity be a blessing, and may it be
• 45:16
  received well. May you find the right audience. Bye. You.