Latest / CLEAR Performance Coaching / Podcast #18 - CLEAR Performance Coaching - QUICK START - Be Curious - Full Version (Audio)

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Podcast #18 - CLEAR Performance Coaching - QUICK START - Be Curious - Full Version (Audio) · CLEAR Performance Coaching

• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: This is where leadership leads performance practical.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: So you can step in and show up on purpose every day.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: We want to welcome you to the next episode of the Clear Performance Coaching Podcast, where we help ordinary leaders like you and us become great coaches who create extraordinary results.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Ken Vaughn.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Sam Bracken.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm Rick Timlick.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for investing some time.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: We're going to talk about the last category of cards, the quick start cards today in the clear performance coaching cards.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: And specifically, we're going to talk about the be curious cards.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: But just to lay this out, we're going to talk about being curious this time.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: In the next podcast, we'll talk about coaching in the gaps of the day, the scenes of the day.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, when you're around somebody talking, how do you do it?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Coaching is about solving problems.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: We want to recognize the impact of effort.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: And number six, as a coach, five, be present and focused.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: And six, help unleash talent.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's where we're going.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: In this card, we're specifically going to talk about be curious.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'll tell you, this is one I struggle with a lot for all kinds of reasons.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, Sam and Rick, tell us why you think this be curious card and this approach is so important.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'll jump in.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: To me, if the whole system had to fit on one card, I love this card.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: Curiosity over telling is the core move of clear coaching.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's the moment you ask instead of answer.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: Because when you ask, you hand the thinking and the ownership back to the person you're coaching.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think everything else we've covered is downstream to me of this one behavior.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why for me it earns the first slot in the quick start.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_04: You can't coach without being curious.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_04: You can't be an effective coach without being curious.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_04: And my mantra here is understand before you act.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_04: And you can't understand if you're not being curious, and you're not, and if you're not shutting your mouth when they're talking, there's a problem, right?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_04: And part of this thing is just to be present with people, to be curious and be present with them.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_04: Don't be on your phone, don't be looking past them.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_04: This is Dr.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_04: Covey, Stephen Covey's his whole seek first to understand, then be understood.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: And the question here is as a coach, we need to listen with the intent to understand, not listen to respond, not listen to teach or listen to tell.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_04: We need to listen to understand.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_04: And what happens is you go slower at first.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_04: I mean it really slows the pace of things down.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: But in the long run, you go way faster because you don't make assumptions and you don't make mistakes because you understand.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_04: So this is a fabulous thing that I absolutely love to do.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: And if you are naturally curious, we can teach you to be curious.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_04: Because if you're not committed to being curious, you will not be an effective good coach.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, just on that last point, Sam, to hit that home.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: Curiosity requires zero preparation, zero skills, zero time, zero permission.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: It is the easiest thing for leaders to get into once they have the desire to do it.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: This reminds me of a couple things.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: One of my favorite quotes, frankly, in all the world, is by Edwards Deming.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it's because I work with a lot of train a lot of middle and frontline leaders trying to be more effective coaches and executives as well.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: But he said this if you want to understand cause and effect in any job, you got to talk to the person standing within 12 feet of the job.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that makes sense, actually.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: Except here's the problem.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Many times you're coaching someone where you've done that job, maybe for 10 or 20 years, and you were an expert at that job, and you know everything about that job.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: You'll forget more than they'll ever know about that job.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so you walk in not curious, you walk in, want to tell them what to do.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Here's how you fix it, and you're given a lot of advice.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And frankly, if we're completely candid, how well do any of us take advice from anyone else?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: They just gave us great advice.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: They did this job for 20 years.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: We know they're great at that job.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's why they got promoted twice since then.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, people go, whatever, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're not great at taking advice.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And why is it we're so willing to give advice?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: And curiosity is the opposite of that.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's understanding.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'll tell you one time when I did it well, because I've done it poorly a lot of times.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: My wife, about 15 years ago, took over a large organization with several hundred people.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: And she came home from that and said, Hey, I got a couple thoughts about what I need to do, but I got a couple big concerns I have.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And for whatever reason, maybe it was I was just tired.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: I just listened.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't give any response, I didn't give any advice.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Okay, listen, listen, good points.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I was on to the next thing.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then I thought about it for a day or two, and I had a really great idea to solve one of her two big issues.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And for whatever reason, when I saw her after work, I said, So how's it going?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing about that one thing?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: For once in a blue moon, I didn't tell her what to do.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, I had this epiphany at work today.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, what if I did this and this?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought to myself, that's exactly what I was gonna tell her.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I was elated that she'd figured out her own, she didn't need me to tell her.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, how well did she do with it?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: She did great because it came out of her.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was her idea, it was her plan.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now, frankly, I just got lucky here that I didn't just tell her what to do.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I just got frankly lucky.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't that I was intentional all those years ago about being curious.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: If I'm vulnerable here, this is a space that I struggle the most with when I'm stressed.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: Now, I love curiosity, I'm naturally a curious person, but when stress comes in, I go directly to action-oriented direction, dictatorship kind of movements.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: But curiosity is the one thing that to me has proven to be more powerful over time.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, if you guys have ever seen the kids animated cartoon, I think it's called Upside Down about the different feelings and emotions.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so yes, yeah.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: What's known in psychology is there are three emotions or three feelings that actually can rewire the brain.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: Gratitude is one of them.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: When we remain in a grateful state, our brain can actually literally rewire positively.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: Awe or wonder, awe is a state, and curiosity is a state.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: And the more that I remain in curiosity, the more that my brain rewires towards potential growth that we talked about in the last episode and things like that.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: But I know that seek first to understand, that was what I struggle with the most, you know.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_03: Again, especially as pressure was high.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I and to me, it was because it was the most costly.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: I had to make fast decisions, I had to make sure things were moving.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: There was a lot of things I felt I had to do, and because it was costly, I put a blind eye to it saying, I'm gonna carry everybody with me and just move forward.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_03: And it wasn't effective and it wasn't sustainable.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: It's interesting when you say that, Rick.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_04: I am an old dude, right?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: So and I've been through a lot of things and I have a lot of experiences with that.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_04: And in my and here's the biggest challenge that most people are gonna have when they're coaching.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_04: Within 10, within three to five minutes when you're discussing things with people, you know what to do as a coach.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_04: Like I know within two minutes, man, I know the fix of all the challenges people bring to me.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I can't tell them.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_04: I refuse to tell them, and it makes them mad.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: I won't tell them because when I tell them, they don't do it.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_04: But when I use curiosity and I challenge them, they actually now, because I know what to do, I steer them, I might guide them a bit, but it has to come from them.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_04: Otherwise, they won't do it, they won't take inspired activated action.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: They need to do it, right?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_04: And so we're gonna, especially when you're a new coach, because you know a lot of stuff, right?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_04: And you want to be a coach, and that's a good thing.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_04: But you're gonna want to tell people what to do.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_04: And there's a time for correction, but the time isn't when you're starting out finding out what problems, what challenges people are facing.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_04: So curiosity is something that allows you to get some space to help them come up with a solution.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_04: And we can guide them toward that solution through prototypes, but that's later.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_04: But curiosity here, you're gonna just want to tell them what to do and just don't do it.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_04: We want you not to do it.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_04: Don't tell them what to do because people don't do, people do what they want to do and they don't do what they don't want to do.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_04: And when's the last time someone told you what to do and you were excited about doing it, you automatically resist when someone tells you what to do.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_04: You're like, forget that.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_04: You can go sit on a pot somewhere and I'm gonna do what I want to do because I'm gonna have I'm free, and and we just need to understand that dynamic.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_03: We want to land that point home strongly because some of the people that are listening to us are new coaches.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: And the thing that you're saying that I completely agree with is telling is faster and it feels like leadership.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_03: It feels like we're leading when we're telling, because most of us got promoted because we had the answers.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_03: It's the habit that got us the job, but it's the habit that's gonna cap our team and their growth, right?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds me my youngest son took over when he got out of engineering school.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: He was engineering and went to work at a tech company, and he said something that was interesting.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: He said, I'm working in an organization where everyone's as smart as me.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: They were all tech people, they were all top of their class in college and so on and so forth.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Now, this is an important point to remember, son, because you're used to being the smartest guy in the room, or one of the smartest people in the room.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And if you come across that way, people are not going to share with you what they're gonna do, their thoughts, their perspectives, their viewpoints.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: They're gonna let you run as long as you want, fast as you want, until you fail.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, how about if you just say, hey, how about we get all the collective minds working together here?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really the idea because you said something interesting in the last webinar.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: I wrote it down.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Are we helping or are we rescuing, right?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: As a coach in this situation, we're not here to rescue them.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: We're here to help them.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And rescuing them is telling them exactly what to do.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's spoon feeding them.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And frankly, if it's an emergency and it's a safety situation that someone's about to get hurt, absolutely.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: You don't let your child walk out in the street.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And most of the time it's not that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time it's not that.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time it's not that immediate action required.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Let's give them a chance to learn and to grow.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: I love on the card it's on the bottom half of the front card it says, listen with all your senses.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Actively listening.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: The old saying, are you listening to understand or are you listening to respond?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Too many times a leader, I'm guilty of listening to respond.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or the ghost, listening to respond.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: They don't need your response right now.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: They just need you to understand.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: You're bright, articulate, you'll figure it out.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Just listen and be completely open to understanding, to feeling, show interest, be curious.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: It opens the door for them to trust you, which is important.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: It says it opens the door for them to trust you and for you and gives you the need to understand about the situation.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: What are your thoughts about that?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sam, you do this every single day.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm gonna tell you this is one of the hardest things to learn how to do is to listen with all your senses.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_04: Because people will say words that may mean something to somebody, and it's not what they mean at all.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_04: So you gotta listen past the words, you gotta look at the verbal, the body language, use your senses, the tone of the words, use your eyes to see their body language.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: Because you could say something like, Yeah, you look beautiful today.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, Okay, that didn't come off right.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_04: So when we tell you to be curious with all your senses, I have this famous thing I do all the time, and I do it just to mess with people.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: And every single person that I coach knows this.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: When they say, How you doing, Sam?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_04: I say, Words can't express my joy.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_04: And and if I'm having a bad day, I say, words can't express my joy.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: And if I'm having a good day, I say, words can't express my joy.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_04: And I do it just to mess with them because they don't know, they can't tell.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_04: And then some of them say, when I'm like, like I've had this chronic crap going on for a few weeks, and and I say, words can't express my joy.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_04: They say, Well, your body's sure giving it away, your body's not expressing joy, and they call me out on it.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: I love it because it it's teaching them how to listen with all their senses.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_04: Now, this is again, you got to practice this because the words people use aren't necessarily what they mean.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_04: And most of the time it's straightforward, right?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_04: They use a word, we have an understanding of the word, the intention is the intention.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_04: But sometimes people can't put in words how they're feeling, what they're thinking.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: So we need to be in tune to all of that so that we can get that trust, that inner personal trust.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_04: Now say that quote again because I'm gonna use it.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_04: Words can express my words cannot express my joy when people ask you how you're doing.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_04: Words can't express my joy.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'll give you a work example of where this went well with curiosity.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: So I was working with a it's a major utilities company in Germany, and they were doing lots of geothermal work.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: And when they would drop the motor and pump and everything down into the well, they were having problems with it, and so they'd have to pull it all up, strip it apart.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: And each time they did this, the approximate cost was about$250,000 just to pull it up and repair and drop it down again.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: And if you're doing it multiple times, you can see how fast it adds up.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: And so I was facilitating the group of people brought together to resolve this problem, and it was led by a chief engineer, and everybody started talking about convergence on a possible solution.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: And the engineer was like, No, that will not work.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: No, he was adamant.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: Now, at one point, he was so frustrated because everybody was aligned on the solution.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: He left, literally left.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, I'm done.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: Now he would go have a smoke break.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: So he comes out from his smoke break, comes back into the room, and he's like, You guys are exactly right.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: That's what we need to do, and we need to proceed now.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: And so I had to ask him, I was like, what happened in between the smoke break?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: And he said, I wondered if it would work.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_03: I got curious.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: I got curious if that solution was potential.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: Now, what happens in his brain is curiosity is a dopamine state.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: When curiosity is activated, the brain's reward circuitry fires, and that increases a heightened learning state.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: So as he became open to the solution through curiosity, he was able to see the solution in a different way that validated it was the right solution to go through, and they were successful in solving the problem.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: What a great example! This idea of just taking a little break mentally and saying, wait a minute, get emotion out of here, get ego out of here, and really think through what is it people are really saying.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that is easy to say, sometimes hard to do, right?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: To get ego out of the way.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: What one of the things we all three say all the time, and it's easy to say, sometimes it's hard for us to do, is best idea wins.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the idea turns something on its ear, and we're like, I don't like it being on my ear, right?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like that.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: Then okay, what is the outcome?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'll tell you what our outcome is simply here.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal at Clear Performance Coaching is to help millions of leaders become more effective coaches.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: Not a few, not a thousand, not a hundred thousand, but it's millions of leaders become more effective coaches just by practicing some of these things, learning from these things.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: And our podcast, these first 40 or 50 podcasts are just about the cards, but there'd be a whole lot more topics to talk about it.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: But how do we help you in your small business, in your large business, and whatever it is?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: How do we help you be a more effective coach?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's just separating ego from facts and feelings and really getting down to what's going on.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_04: I think you need to listen past the words often.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_04: And this is an art to listen past the words, because words are just only like a two-dimensional way of communicating, right?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_04: There are other ways that people communicate.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_04: And if we can look past the words, and and being present allows you to do this.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_04: Now, this is really an important, I would call it a watch out.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_04: You need to be present with people when you are being curious.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_04: There is nothing more offensive, in my opinion, than bringing this into a conversation and then do and do this kind of classic, right?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: It's the most offensive thing on the planet.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_04: What you're saying to them nonverbally is they don't matter and they're not worth your attention.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_04: We can never afford to let have anybody feel like they're not worth your attention and your presence, right?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_04: And just being present with a small amount of curiosity can open big doors because leaders, all of us are very dizzy and we want to run fast and shallow all the time, because a lot of res a lot is required of us.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_04: But to slow down, to be present, look past the words, try to connect with the emotions and feelings with understanding.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_04: And when you have high emotion, meet that high emotion with high understanding.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_04: Because the emotion will reduce.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_04: And then you can introduce and separate feelings from facts, and then you can actually help people, right?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_04: Understanding the feelings and taking direction from the facts.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_04: This matters big time.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_04: And it's the simple thing that you can do immediately.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: You don't need a PhD or like master's degrees or high education around industrial psychology or MBA or like the educations that we have.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_04: You just need to be curious, looking past the words and be present with someone.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_04: Because yeah.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to build off of that because sometimes if I think of the new coaches and those that are working with us, we give them cards.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: Now, a tool that we also give them, if I am reading off of a card, Sam, it could be to what you're saying.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, Rick's not present, he's reading off of a cart.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: We've built the practice gym.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: And that practice gym allows them to practice the skill of curiosity, if that's the leadership challenge they're facing, and they can rehearse it and do the reps before they have that meeting.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Because here's what's happened to me I get into the meeting and I get triggered, and right away my emotions are high, right with their high emotions, and now I'm not effective.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: But if I can practice beforehand so that I know confidently how I'm going to help coach that employee, I can have my emotions a little bit lower.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: And so our super coach is designed for exactly that.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: How do you stay present in the moment of the conversation?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you practice it.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_04: You practice to staying present.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_04: And this works with employees, it works with customers.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_04: And this idea of curiosity solves so many problems, y'all.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_04: It's not even funny.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_04: It solves so many problems.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_04: It saves you a lot of time and energy.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_04: And the super coach helps you practice practice and go through scenarios that really helps people here.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to share one more thing on that because I think it's important for leaders to know, especially those that are like me, that are just wired for high direction, you know, high productivity and go.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: Pressure and unsolicited advice, and we've said this earlier, it reads as a threat to people.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's a status threat, not a physical threat.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_03: What it's saying is your status is here and mine is here.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: And cortisol is going to rise.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: Creativity and critical thinking are going to drop.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's the thing that runs opposite to what we really want.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: When we ask for thinking, that's a different status reward.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: When we engage people through curiosity, what we're doing is we're eliciting their thinking.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: We're eliciting their status as an employee of importance.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's the same conversation topic, it's opposite neurochemistry and purely based on delivery.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't, as Sam said, it doesn't take an MBA or a PhD to do.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: We just actually have to step in with some good questions.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_04: I really love that insight.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_04: That's very powerful.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_04: And you'll notice I'm sort of the street coach.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_04: And then we have guys like Rick and Kent that have other talents, but we are all in alignment.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_04: I teach you things because they work.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_04: I know it because I've been coaching for 30 years and it just works.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_04: Rick teaches you things and explains the biological stuff, right?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_04: He and he explains why they work, right?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: And then Ken just puts a bow on it and makes it makes it all work, right?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: So it's fabulous.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know what's funny about that?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'll just tell you a very quick related story.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_03: I I struggle with all the woo-woo, nana, fruity stuff, especially my younger years, that I've come to accept in my older years.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'll give you one simple example to illustrate your point and related to nervous system being heightened.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I was told breathe from deep in my diaphragm and big belly breaths, and that calms your nervous system.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: And that's all that was ever explained to me.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, that is the biggest horse garbage I've ever heard.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: Now somebody said, Rick, what happens is you're forcing the carbon dioxide out, and carbon dioxide suffocates the brain, and you're bringing in fresh oxygen, and that fuels the brain.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, that makes perfect sense.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna start belly breathing from now on.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: There are a couple of really powerful questions on this card, and I love this one, and I can see Sam doing this every time he meets somebody.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: What has become more clear to you since the last time we met?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: So they're really asking to share it's kind of a win.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: What are they learning?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: What excuse me, what are they understanding?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then tell me more about it, right?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: I like the idea of the folks those questions.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds me of something I heard Stephen Covey say years ago.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: He said talking about difficult conversations.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: He said, So I think what you're telling me is, and he used that as a bounce back to the person, and I talk about that a lot.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't use it nearly as much as I should.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: But when someone you're having a conversation with someone and you're feeling like you're understanding, you've been curious, you feel like you're understanding, so then and they've stopped, then you can come back with something like, so I think what you're telling me is, or something, you know in other words, you're feeding it back to them.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I find when I feed it back to people that they have one of three answers.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: One, you're right, two, you're wrong, or three, you're right, and there's something else, right?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: And rarely is it the first one, you're 100% right.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you got it 100%.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: Usually it's you got some of it and there's something else, right?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: What a lot of people want to say is, but, and we're trying to break ourselves up, but it's you got this and there's something more, and that's what we really want to get for them.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: What do we get right?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: And what do we need to adjust or add to?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then you continue the curiosity, you continue them sharing with you.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you got this and this, and okay, yeah, we're tracking, and there's this and this, and now you've gotten some more information, so it's a way midway through to see if you're really tracking with them or not.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not, they'll tell you that no, you totally missed it.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you, sometimes I totally miss it.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking, I'm sure God we're talking about this because I'd have gone off thinking this, and it's actually that, and then we would have had a real problem if I was off in this way.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: This is what you're describing, Ken's, is uh I'll say a master move that that I try to use with those that I coach.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: What I find that leaders who are first learning how to coach, they'll ask the question, and they'll get uncomfortable in either the silence or the first answer.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's just sitting with it to your point long enough.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: And then maybe you say that question, you said, Hey, did I hear you right?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: Here's how I'm tracking it.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: And then asking kind of one question more starts to flush out so much more richness.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_03: But we typically want to stop at the first question, answer, solve, and move forward.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: And yet there's so much there that's probably underneath the tip of the iceberg as we use that analogy.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_04: So here are my three favorite, here's some word tracks.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_04: My three favorite questions.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_04: How's it going?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_04: What's up?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_04: And then next, tell me more.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_04: Tell me more about that.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_04: And then the next one is what is so what's up?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_04: Tell me more, help me understand.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_04: And here's my favorite question.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_04: Because by then you get them talking.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_04: And then my favorite question, is there anything else?
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_04: And and what I find is that you can it really helps move curiosity along.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_04: Like these are little, it's a little cheat code, right?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: How's it going?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_04: What's what's up?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_04: How's it going?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_04: Tell me more, help me understand.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_04: And then, is there anything else?
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's fantastic.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I can't tell you how many times this pattern is funny in our household when I'm getting ready to go on a business trip for a couple days.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: I spend time with each of the kids one-on-one.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: And invariably, one of them, I'll start with a few of those questions, Sam, the start, and they'll start talking.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I can sense that there's more.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_03: And so I say that, what else is going on?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: Or give me some more context, or something like that, like the last question that you asked.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_03: And then that's when the flood opens up, right?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: And that's when the real sharing happens.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_03: And it's almost like the first few questions you've said earns me the right to be listening with them.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: The last question says, okay, you've now earned the right.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna share.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it opens the gate.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I say, and what I call it is not repeatable, but I say let them gripe it out, gripe it out, get it all out, get all the griping and complaining out, get it out.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_04: Because once it's out and they stop complaining or they stop griping, then we can take them through a process to say, what are you gonna do about it?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: In the end, once you understand and you go through all this process of understanding and you pinpoint and you demonstrate you understand, then you've earned the right to say, what is it you will do about it?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_04: What action will you take?
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: And this is really important.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_04: This is gonna be a nuance because if you don't do this, and the coach as a coach, you take it on your shoulders, you're gonna be tired at the end of every day.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_04: Keep the problems of the people you're coaching on their own shoulders.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_04: And you do that by saying at the end of a good curiosity session, what are you gonna do about this?
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_04: What's the best way forward?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_04: And notice I said, What are you gonna do about it?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_04: Not what we're gonna do about it, or what I'm gonna do about it.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, can I give you one more watch out for this that I get into?
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: I can get very good at asking the questions in a way that leads them.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_03: So, knowing that I'm trying to pack, I might ask a leading question just to circumvent all of the stuff to get them to want to open up.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_03: And invariably they feel that from me and they don't want to open up.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_03: So, as clever as I think I am, when you we talk about all of your senses, your coaches also feeling you with all of their senses, right?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so that manipulation of fast track, time out, we got to be authentic.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: The most difficult piece of all the things you said, Sam, is the last one because we're coaching people who, by definition, we're senior to, and we've had more experience than, and we've been around the block a few times, and so they go through all these things, and then what is it we naturally want to do as a leader?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: We want to tell them what to do.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's human nature.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: You want to nurture, you want to develop, you want to help instead of turning its on its ear and saying, So, what are you gonna do about it?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: What will you do?
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have struggle the most of everything we talk about with that one, with that one.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: I struggle the most.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to say, Okay, good, the answer's obvious.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do this and this.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: And you just lost them.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: You lost all the ground you gained, you lost everything you earned because you said, Oh, I now have the answer.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so smart.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of, so how are you gonna do handle this?
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: What will you do about this?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's so hard to do because it's so unnatural and natural because it's without we've built up to this.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen it and I know what to do, and I did that job for 20 years.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you what to do.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I have to keep working on it every day.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_03: Me too.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_03: I agree.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: We hope you found this valuable.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: Getting curious, being curious, getting curious.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's really, if we were to distill it down, it's just I'm trying to understand you.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: What's your perspective?
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me more.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: I love those questions that Sam talked about.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, what's up?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me more.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: Anything else we're missing?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: And help me understand.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then, so what are you gonna do about it?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna handle it?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: The first time a boss said that to me years ago, I was dumbfounded.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: What you want to know what I think?
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: I gave you because you're the one with all the experience.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm new, I'm the new kid here.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the newest leader in the planet.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: What you it was and so he said, I'm gonna tell you this time, next time, you got to come with at least two possible solutions.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: It was so grow so great for him to force me to come prepared with some ideas.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: Anything else, gentlemen?
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I want to give this last caveat that's really important.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: When you show curio curiosity and when you're asking questions, you need to authentically do this with love and concern for the person.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_04: Because you can't fake this.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_04: Your authenticity really matters here because people will feel with other senses that you're trying to manipulate or you're trying to coerce them.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_04: You can't do that.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_04: Your intention needs to be pure for the benefit of the other person.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_04: And if you understand that, it can make a big difference, makes all the difference.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_04: Matter of fact, when you have that as your intention, you can fumble through all the other stuff we talked about.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_04: It won't even matter as much, but they'll know that they're cared about and they're authentically being dealt with.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_04: This matters.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'd echo that you could be a master of technique and a manipulator of intention, and people will know, right?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_03: The formula is the other way around, a master of intention and doing your best with the technique.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'd also add that I think Sam's questions were important enough that we should put it in the show notes for anybody listening to it so that they can go try right away.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_03: We'll make sure to do that.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: And the last point I would add to me, the whole card in one move.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_03: The next conversation where someone brings you a problem, you're gonna feel the answer rise up in your throat.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna want to give it to them.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_03: Swallow that.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_03: Just ask one question instead.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_03: What have you already tried?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: And then count to five in your head before you say anything else.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_03: And that pause is gonna feel like an hour if you're anything like me.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_03: But that's where coaching starts to happen.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_03: One question, one pause, and then that's how ordinary leaders become great coaches who create extraordinary results.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_01: What great advice to put a bow on it.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wrap it up and put a bow on it, Rick.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, we want to thank you for participating with us in this podcast.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: In the show notes, we will have access to the video specific to this card.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: We'll also have access to other resources we have, and we're gonna add those questions that Sam just talked about, shared with us, so you can have them to use yourself and then share with other people.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, thank you all for being with us.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Good luck and have a fantastic week.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: Bye, everybody.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, have a great one.