Latest / Authentic Living / Creating Good Social Health Through Connection Part II with Pete Bombaci

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Creating Good Social Health Through Connection Part II with Pete Bombaci · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:35
  Our interview last week was so good that we decided to turn it into a 2 part series.
• 0:40
  If you missed last week, you'll find the link in the show notes.
• 0:45
  It's not mandatory that you listen, but we wanna make sure that you don't miss out on this
• 0:50
  amazing conversation.
• 0:53
  Hi, everyone.
• 0:53
  It's Roxanne Durgesh of authentic living with Roxanne.
• 0:56
  Today, I have a special guest that's decided to come back and spend some great time with us.
• 1:01
  That's Pete Bombace.
• 1:02
  And he's with the Janwell project.
• 1:04
  And we've been talking about connection, I think throughout our time in the last 18
• 1:11
  months, but I think his conversation with me was so special that I thought we needed to kind
• 1:17
  of come back in talk about it again.
• 1:18
  It's not something that we need to talk about just where when I wanna say we were in
• 1:23
  desperate times, but to really look at the ongoing actions that you take, and him and I
• 1:29
  were talking just before we got online with what are you gonna do actually do, to actualize
• 1:36
  the steps that we talked about.
• 1:37
  I should talk to that friend.
• 1:39
  I should take that step, you know, to say hi to my neighbor who's just lost someone.
• 1:43
  What are those steps?
• 1:45
  So when you come and you see a coach or a therapist, or even if just pick somebody in
• 1:51
  your life that you connect really well with,
• 1:53
  Yep.
• 1:53
  And try to kind of think what is it that that person does to allow me to feel so good?
• 2:01
  And then say what is it that I am doing to allow that space?
• 2:05
  Oftentimes people think it's outside of themselves.
• 2:08
  But it could be that, you know, I often say you should have a friend that makes makes you laugh
• 2:13
  uncontrollably.
• 2:14
  You should have a friend that makes you kind of, you know, if you want somebody to give you
• 2:20
  hit you between the eyes, that's that friend.
• 2:22
  You have the other friend that's, you know, you know, the existential kind of person.
• 2:28
  You have the person that maybe can help you through kind of practical kind of solutions
• 2:32
  either in family and business.
• 2:34
  We all need different kinds of connections at any given point.
• 2:38
  So if I want to laugh, I'm not gonna call the person that's gonna be talking about
• 2:42
  existentialism because I don't wanna talking through through the pandemic, really, right
• 2:46
  now.
• 2:46
  I want somebody to tell me a really good joke so I could forget about the pandemic.
• 2:50
  And I think that's what I try to say to people is they often say, well, you're so nice.
• 2:55
  I go, yeah, I'm nice.
• 2:56
  I said, but not everybody's gonna think I'm nice.
• 2:59
  You're allowing me to be nice.
• 3:00
  So what is it that you're doing if you think I'm being nice to take it in, because I have
• 3:06
  been with people that have not allowed, their space to take in what I'm giving to them, to
• 3:12
  start to really think about that, is it that I, you know, I when you smile, I smile, or is it
• 3:18
  that, when I compliment you do you think about saying something?
• 3:23
  Is it that I listen in a certain way that you really, really like?
• 3:26
  And start to think about that because I think and then on the converse, let's let's be blunt.
• 3:32
  Think of someone that really you you find it hard to be around And that kid will give also
• 3:38
  give you information about what disconnection is about and the things that maybe you want to
• 3:43
  try to work, against
• 3:45
  I think a part of this is, or I wanna ask the question is what role do you think fear it
• 3:52
  plays in this?
• 3:53
  Because you know, we we've built a world and and these things are part of it, which is, you
• 3:59
  know, we now live in a world where we're watching people live human highlight reels
• 4:03
  every day.
• 4:04
  And depending on how much time you spend on social passively scrolling through all your
• 4:09
  friends, the Kardashians, the jenners, the celebrities, the you know, you could start to
• 4:14
  feel that you weren't good enough.
• 4:16
  Mhmm.
• 4:17
  And so, you know, when I when I go to see Roxanne who is and I'll say this, you know,
• 4:22
  paid as a coach or a therapist.
• 4:24
  You're paid to be there for me.
• 4:27
  Yeah.
• 4:27
  And and I wonder what role and and this is, again, this is part of the general message is,
• 4:33
  hey.
• 4:34
  You build those deep meaningful connections that remove the fear with time.
• 4:39
  Time together with people.
• 4:41
  And and unfortunately, you know, they have what they have with you is, an exchange and and and
• 4:46
  by no means, I'm a big coaching fan.
• 4:49
  And frankly, I think I do it on the side for a lot of people, but, you know, to coaching, but
• 4:56
  you get paid to do that.
• 4:57
  And what we're trying to say to people is, hey.
• 5:00
  You know, you can do these things, but you need to invest the time and find that one person or
• 5:06
  two people that can be that support network when you're not with your coach.
• 5:11
  And what you can't do that if you only reach out to them once a year, you know, that's gonna
• 5:15
  take
• 5:16
  Well, and I I think that's important to talk about.
• 5:18
  And let's talk about that.
• 5:19
  Let's talk about what I would say is in my professional career, most people had came to
• 5:24
  see me though having a rough time never felt truly loved.
• 5:28
  Right?
• 5:28
  So that's deep, and I know but really all of us wanna feel like we matter.
• 5:34
  And, unfortunately, if you've not had that experience, right, you know, if I feel that I'm
• 5:40
  I don't matter.
• 5:41
  I go through the world with that shield believing that I'm not important to anyone.
• 5:46
  Right?
• 5:46
  And I'm fearful because maybe I didn't have that good of a of an upbringing.
• 5:51
  And I don't think I'm I'm worthy enough to receive And I often say to people, it doesn't
• 5:57
  matter where you came from.
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  You know, that's unfortunate if any of us had stuff happen when we were growing up, Yep.
• 6:04
  But you can give it to yourself now.
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  You can completely, you know, start to recognize what is it that I'm thinking I need
• 6:12
  right now that I'm not receiving.
• 6:14
  So it could be a kind word.
• 6:16
  It could be sitting in silence and listening to a piece of music that absolutely lights up your
• 6:21
  mind.
• 6:21
  It could be getting outside, like you said, and going for a walk and taking things in.
• 6:26
  It's about replenishing yourself first which unfortunately a lot of people think I gotta go
• 6:32
  to someone else, and I think it's a concurrent thing, like, from, you know, all the years of
• 6:38
  doing this kind of work.
• 6:40
  I can go to Pete each time if I haven't figured out some basic, basic things about what some of
• 6:47
  the fundamental things are that rock makes Roxanne happy.
• 6:51
  So to start to think about what is what little thing could I do for myself?
• 6:56
  What maybe it's just being hunger in my in my head and writing that out and realizing how
• 7:01
  badly I I speak to myself.
• 7:03
  I wouldn't speak to my worst enemy like that.
• 7:05
  But I talked to myself like that.
• 7:07
  And I think it's starting to do those types of things.
• 7:10
  You can, you know, and it's it's you could learn a lot of this just by being by yourself
• 7:15
  as well, but then going out and trying it with someone else.
• 7:18
  Like, you know
• 7:19
  Oh, Roxanne, you and I again, you know, and I think some people misinterpret what the mission
• 7:24
  of the Genwell project is at times.
• 7:26
  It, you know, they they sense that our whole statement is all about.
• 7:30
  You must get out and connect with other people.
• 7:32
  Yeah.
• 7:33
  You know what?
• 7:33
  That's an important part of your health, but so is exercise, so is eating well, and so is
• 7:39
  working on yourself.
• 7:40
  And connecting with yourself.
• 7:42
  And so for some people, getting out and connecting with other people may give you the
• 7:47
  motivation and in to recognize, hey.
• 7:50
  I can be better for myself.
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  And, you know, somebody meets you has a conversation and says, yeah.
• 7:55
  You know what?
• 7:55
  I really worked on myself.
• 7:57
  I do need to do a little more self care.
• 7:58
  I need to do some inner work.
• 7:59
  I might need to do some mindfulness, some morning gratitude, some, you know, whatever
• 8:05
  you're going to do.
• 8:07
  But for other people, they need to start with them first and then go out and make those
• 8:11
  connections.
• 8:12
  And so our message is never it's only about social connection.
• 8:16
  Although social connection is the root of every illness cause and crisis in society.
• 8:21
  If we go.
• 8:21
  It gets you out it gets you out of your head.
• 8:24
  If I'm down and depressed and I see you and you're smiling, I'm thinking, why is he
• 8:29
  smiling?
• 8:29
  And then before you know what?
• 8:30
  I'm smiling.
• 8:31
  I wanted to connect and I wanna talk to you.
• 8:32
  Right?
• 8:33
  So I'll you're right.
• 8:34
  I think it's like a yin and a yang kind of thing.
• 8:37
  You know,
• 8:37
  if I'm down, I'm probably not gonna wanna brush my teeth, put on my dress, and get outside, But
• 8:42
  if I do all those things and then I connect with somebody, then all of us said, I think,
• 8:46
  wow, I feel better now.
• 8:48
  I want more of that.
• 8:49
  So I think it's It's a combination.
• 8:52
  Or I call you that morning when you wake up and you're not feeling yourself and I go, hey,
• 8:56
  Roxanne.
• 8:57
  How you doing?
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  What's going on?
• 8:59
  Hey.
• 8:59
  What's your day looking like?
• 9:00
  Hey.
• 9:00
  You got time for a coffee this afternoon.
• 9:02
  I really wanna talk to you.
• 9:03
  I wanna sit down with you, and now you've started off your day feeling so great.
• 9:06
  And all of a sudden you go, well, I got something to look forward to.
• 9:09
  Somebody actually cares about me.
• 9:11
  Somebody wants to see me.
• 9:12
  Somebody wants to have coffee with me.
• 9:15
  Because I'm at because I matter.
• 9:17
  That's exactly
• 9:18
  If we go back to that basic thing, that basic fundamental, as human beings, we all want to be
• 9:24
  scene.
• 9:25
  We want all wanna feel like we're important to somebody.
• 9:29
  Like, it doesn't and if if people are going through, the world feeling like I don't matter
• 9:34
  to anyone, right?
• 9:36
  If they're alone, if they don't have the connections, if they're an introvert, if
• 9:40
  they're suffering from depression, if they've lost their job, if they're getting a diagnosis
• 9:44
  of, you know, something detrimental, you know, even more so, what what does the what does the
• 9:50
  body the body wants us to shut down.
• 9:52
  We go into, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna detach, which makes us feel worse versus if you
• 9:58
  kinda go towards soon as you open up in any way, you feel better.
• 10:03
  The things I wanna capture about the scenario that you created in in waking up in the
• 10:07
  morning.
• 10:08
  Number 1, is helping people recognize that they could do some work themselves.
• 10:12
  So no question, you know, you might need to do some inner work and and and that's something
• 10:17
  and and you might need to reach out to somebody else because you know that that's the starting
• 10:21
  point for you feeling better.
• 10:23
  But the second part of our message general project is always about, hey, the power of an
• 10:29
  outreach, the power of you calling up somebody who you think may not be doing so well who may
• 10:35
  be struggling.
• 10:36
  They're not having a crisis.
• 10:37
  You know, this is called situational anxiety.
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  They're going through a divorce.
• 10:40
  They're they've just lost a job.
• 10:42
  They got they failed an exam, you know, when we think of young people, think of the thousands
• 10:47
  of different situations that happen in our lives when stuff just doesn't go the way that
• 10:51
  we want.
• 10:52
  And if we can recognize in each other that maybe things aren't going so well in Roxanne's
• 10:57
  day today that if I just sent her a text, more importantly, I picked up the phone and called
• 11:02
  her, or I said, hey.
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  Let's go have a coffee.
• 11:05
  We all need to recognize that this is a an issue that humanity faces and that every one of
• 11:11
  us is part of the solution by picking up and and thinking about other people and what we can
• 11:17
  do to make their lives and their world better right now, but maybe for this week, maybe for
• 11:22
  this month, and maybe for their entire life.
• 11:25
  So if I wanted to do more in my community, right, let's say I'm listening to this and I'm
• 11:29
  like, you know, okay, I'm gonna try to make a difference based on the concepts you're talking
• 11:36
  about with the general product.
• 11:37
  What what kind of steps would you suggest I take?
• 11:40
  Wow.
• 11:40
  This is so here's the first thing I would do.
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  Number 1 is I would follow our social plat forms.
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  We're on social media.
• 11:47
  So we're on LinkedIn, Twitter, instagram, Facebook.
• 11:50
  We got a YouTube channel because what we do each and every day is we prompt you to think
• 11:55
  about that.
• 11:56
  And what we wanna do is get it to be top of mind.
• 11:59
  We want people to be more conscious about the power of human connection and more intentional
• 12:04
  in making it happen.
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  So first off, let's help people.
• 12:07
  Let's coach people to to be, more proactive in in making social connection happen you know,
• 12:14
  for some people, that'll be all they need.
• 12:16
  Number 2, on our social channels, we give people those tips, tools, and ideas, and you
• 12:20
  can head over to our website.
• 12:21
  We have a long list of of suggestions on how you might get started.
• 12:25
  Because for some people, when you're in a rut, when things aren't going the way you wanted,
• 12:29
  sometimes we can't even think beyond that for barrier of, well, but how how would I even
• 12:35
  start connecting with other people?
• 12:37
  So find out those ideas from our website, from our social media pad and then our from our
• 12:43
  social media pages.
• 12:44
  And then finally, we have our general weekends, which as you know, we spring and fall.
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  We talked about it a little bit earlier.
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  You know, on our weekends, now you have an excuse.
• 12:53
  On these weekends, you have an excuse to go to your neighbor, your friend, your colleague,
• 12:57
  your classmate, and say, hey, I wanna get connected, but I'm not and and this is what we
• 13:02
  we are almost like an excuse and this is we are an excuse.
• 13:06
  We give you permission and you can go to a friend and say, hey, this weekend's gen well
• 13:11
  weekend.
• 13:11
  They tell me that we're supposed to connect because it's good for us.
• 13:14
  And so I thought I'd reach out to you.
• 13:16
  If somebody does happen to say, hey.
• 13:19
  You know what?
• 13:19
  I'm too busy, then they're not really rejecting you.
• 13:22
  They're rejecting the ID of, hey, I wanted to make you better and me better, happier and
• 13:26
  healthier.
• 13:27
  And and for that reason, it's kinda deflective so that that fear of rejection may not be as
• 13:32
  large.
• 13:33
  For people, but there's also, you know, in in those weekends, they're done at times of the
• 13:38
  year when people struggle seasonal transitional by transition by research is when people
• 13:43
  struggle the most.
• 13:44
  We've just come off of our slower summer pace.
• 13:47
  Half the world is away somewhere camping doing something traveling, doing whatever they do on
• 13:53
  vacation, and now we've come back.
• 13:55
  And in September, now we're streets are busier.
• 13:58
  Traffic's busier.
• 13:59
  Kids are back at school.
• 14:01
  There's agendas for work.
• 14:02
  Everybody there's more programming even in COVID.
• 14:05
  Now we still things are starting to ramp back up and it's just before we go back into the
• 14:10
  darker colder days of the fall and winter.
• 14:13
  We need to help people build these healthy connection habits right now.
• 14:17
  So that these are the relationships that will sustain them as they go through the next 4 or 5
• 14:21
  months.
• 14:22
  And then again, we do it in May that when we come out of those, darker colder days, we give
• 14:28
  you an excuse to make it happen again in the springtime.
• 14:30
  And so you know, my tips to them is, you know, use our information, use our tips, use our
• 14:36
  excuse of general weekend to go out and make it all happen.
• 14:39
  And I have one more.
• 14:41
  And I and I'm terrible for running on when you and I chat Rock fans.
• 14:45
  That's okay.
• 14:45
  That you give you give me a lot to think about when you when you go on like this it's it's
• 14:50
  from a different perspective as well, and I'm sure it does the same for the listeners.
• 14:53
  Yeah.
• 14:53
  So the final one is volunteering.
• 14:57
  If you are struggling, you know, 1st and foremost, the message to everybody is, hey, if
• 15:01
  you know somebody who's struggling, reach out to them, those conversations can be a life
• 15:06
  changer.
• 15:06
  But number 2 is if you're just having a a a bad day, do something for somebody else.
• 15:12
  And I think volunteering is one of the greatest ways.
• 15:14
  Not only when you volunteer, will you be with group of people who are empathetic and
• 15:18
  compassionate and and will will certainly embrace you in whatever community it is you
• 15:23
  choose to give your time but when you actually help somebody else and you see the difference
• 15:31
  that your effort makes on somebody else, and you think that you're doing it for them until
• 15:36
  you recognize just how good it feels to you to help somebody else.
• 15:40
  And I don't care if it's at a food bank, you know, it could be at a habitat for humanity
• 15:44
  build.
• 15:45
  It could be working on a 1800 hotline for kids' help phone.
• 15:49
  It could be Whatever.
• 15:51
  The reality is when you recognize the difference that you can make through
• 15:55
  communication by connecting with other human beings, you start to really value and and
• 16:00
  recognize just how important you are to this world and that you do mean something to a whole
• 16:05
  bunch of people, all around you.
• 16:07
  And again, it gets you out of your mindset, right, because when it's when you're batting
• 16:11
  around in your head with those 60,000 thoughts where, you know, how many of them are negative
• 16:16
  and how many positive, and then you're outside of that space, then and then you're like
• 16:21
  getting a reaction based on what you're doing.
• 16:24
  That's the first thing that we say I get outside of my, you know, subjective reality of
• 16:30
  how I'm thinking, and I'm connecting because I'm giving now.
• 16:33
  Right?
• 16:33
  And there's the power of giving that opens up something with, in us within our heart.
• 16:38
  That's very, very powerful.
• 16:40
  Yeah.
• 16:40
  And
• 16:40
  then before, you know, you think, was I upset this morning or and I feel like I didn't wanna
• 16:45
  have a good day because you're ready.
• 16:47
  And, again, you're moving and you're giving.
• 16:49
  Right?
• 16:50
  Yeah.
• 16:50
  And when we get into that habit, so you go and you work that food bank and you and you come
• 16:55
  out to your point, you totally forgot that you were at a bad place this morning.
• 16:58
  You were in your own head and not being kind to yourself and you go to the food bank for a 4
• 17:03
  hour shift and you you talk to some other kind and empathetic people and you see them handing
• 17:09
  out, goods to people who are in need.
• 17:12
  And you're like, wow.
• 17:12
  Look at the difference.
• 17:13
  Look at how that lady said, thank you.
• 17:16
  47 times in the 5 minutes she stood around.
• 17:19
  Wow.
• 17:20
  This really makes it wow.
• 17:21
  This is wow.
• 17:22
  This is amazing feeling.
• 17:24
  Hey, why don't I can I come back next week?
• 17:27
  You know, and now we create a habit.
• 17:29
  Now we create a habit of purpose and meaning in our lives.
• 17:33
  And now we wake up and go, hey, I'm really looking forward to my next shift.
• 17:38
  I'm looking forward.
• 17:39
  This is This is about creating positive experience throughout the course of our lives.
• 17:44
  So if you have things that you love to do, whether it's a passion project, Whether it's
• 17:48
  learning a skill, singing in a group, playing guitar, creativity, or purpose, if you have
• 17:55
  those on a regular occasion, that helps you not only look forward to the things that are
• 18:00
  happening in the moment and the great feeling that you have and the lingering feeling of
• 18:04
  making a difference in the lives of people are chasing that passion that you have.
• 18:09
  All of that is really important.
• 18:11
  And as you keep saying, and what I keep reinforcing as well, which is This is all about
• 18:17
  getting out of here, you know, because, to your point, you know, if you said there was 60,000
• 18:23
  thoughts and what was the what was the split between positive and negative?
• 18:28
  I'm gonna say it's 90 82.
• 18:32
  And I don't mean the I don't mean the good stuff.
• 18:34
  You know, it's 98% to negative and 2% good.
• 18:38
  And and I can sit here and talk about it as you can, Roxanne, and I battle with it all the
• 18:43
  time.
• 18:44
  You know, we beat ourselves up for the bad things or the things that we wish had a
• 18:48
  happened or that we wanted to happen when in actual fact, there's a whole pack of good
• 18:54
  things that have happened that if we focus more time and attention on the good that we've
• 18:58
  either done or that have happened to us, you know, not only would we be in a better place,
• 19:03
  but we'd be sharing that positive energy with other people as well.
• 19:06
  No.
• 19:06
  My first book was based on that.
• 19:08
  My first book was based on my, my difficulties that I went through and all the changes I made.
• 19:15
  And in it, what I did is I analyzed my old life, which, you know, in retrospect, I was
• 19:20
  like, what?
• 19:21
  What did you do?
• 19:21
  But now it's already out there.
• 19:23
  And then I looked at the changes that I'm I, had to take a hold of to to make a shift in my
• 19:29
  life, and I wrote about it because I wanted the average person to, you know, they see you or
• 19:35
  myself talking about these things, and people think that oh, yeah.
• 19:38
  It comes easy to them, but it it doesn't.
• 19:40
  We're human beings like everybody else.
• 19:42
  And in that book in pouring it through it, what I would hope is even if it helped one person to
• 19:47
  make changes, because I write about how it how to make changes in every relationship, and they
• 19:53
  have us a how to guide And what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna include it as a download, a free
• 19:58
  download for anybody that's gonna listen to this.
• 20:01
  Because We all need help.
• 20:02
  We all go through normal situational things.
• 20:06
  That is life.
• 20:06
  We come here to have an experience.
• 20:08
  Life is full.
• 20:10
  Life, it can be phenomenal, but life also brings us, you know, unfortunate situations.
• 20:14
  It's kind of how what we do with it to get past it.
• 20:17
  That's important.
• 20:19
  And it's like anything else.
• 20:20
  It's like going for that walk, right, or that, you know, lifting that weight a little bit.
• 20:25
  Every time you do it, it gets a little bit easier.
• 20:28
  But if you're kinda at that point thinking that it's gonna just happen for me, it takes that
• 20:33
  little step of, like you said, picking up a phone saying hello, going for that walk,
• 20:37
  knocking on your neighbor's door, you know, dropping off some cookies that you made.
• 20:41
  Those little things really start you going.
• 20:44
  And then before you know it, you're like, Wow.
• 20:47
  Things are a little bit better today.
• 20:48
  I feel better, you know, and it becomes cumulative at the more that you do it.
• 20:53
  Hey.
• 20:53
  I couldn't agree with you more.
• 20:54
  And I I will say this to you.
• 20:56
  I'm 5 years.
• 20:57
  I'm we're celebrating our 5th anniversary of Jen Well this weekend.
• 21:00
  And and and I don't make money doing this.
• 21:03
  So and we are hopefully going to create sustainability, whether it's through donors,
• 21:07
  whether it's through government, whether it's through foundations or businesses who see a
• 21:11
  role that they can play in creating a sustainable movement that helps Canadians
• 21:16
  connected.
• 21:17
  But when I launched this, I thought I was launching this movement to help everybody else.
• 21:21
  And what I've really recognized even through the global pandemic is there's been many times
• 21:27
  in my life that I've been lonely.
• 21:29
  You know, I've gone through a divorce.
• 21:31
  You mentioned that you had as well.
• 21:33
  I've got a chronic illness of rheumatoid arthritis.
• 21:36
  I've, left jobs that, you know, even though they were the greatest place is in the world.
• 21:40
  It was time for me to leave for one reason or another.
• 21:44
  And, you know, the reality is we separated ourselves from where we spent 12 hours a day
• 21:49
  and had many of the relationships that supported us in our social health.
• 21:53
  And so each one of those situations found us probably inside our own heads more often than
• 22:01
  not.
• 22:02
  And and therefore, I'm only now waking up to I didn't just start this movement to help other
• 22:07
  people deep down inside.
• 22:09
  I think I started this movement.
• 22:10
  And the reason I'm so passionate about it is because I'm learning because I'm growing as a
• 22:15
  human being and because I'm recognizing holy cow, I didn't think I'd ever been lonely.
• 22:21
  But part of it's because nobody ever even spoke about loneliness from doctors to teachers to
• 22:26
  business leaders.
• 22:27
  Nobody ever mentioned this language.
• 22:29
  And now it's from probably, I believe it's probably one of the most important pieces of of
• 22:35
  health information that we can share with anybody.
• 22:38
  They now say the research shows it's more important than exercising and eating well, but
• 22:44
  we don't have a program that's educating people on the information.
• 22:48
  So why is it that we are not giving people especially in the midst of a pandemic?
• 22:53
  The information that they need to make better choices to stay proactively healthy.
• 22:58
  Let's stop waiting until till people get sick till they have a mental health crisis.
• 23:02
  Still there food insecure till they're homeless, till they're facing whatever crisis
• 23:07
  it is.
• 23:08
  Let's help people build community and connections before they get into the crisis
• 23:13
  because those connections in that community, and when I say community, I'm not talking
• 23:17
  geography.
• 23:18
  I'm talking, you know, the people, your network, who are the people that support you
• 23:23
  because those people will probably help prevent you from getting into some of those situations
• 23:29
  because if you lose a job, a friend might know somebody who's looking for somebody.
• 23:33
  If you get sick, you'll have the support network in place.
• 23:36
  If we go through a global pandemic, you'll know your neighbor who will knock on your door and
• 23:41
  say, hey, Roxanne, can I pick up some groceries for you?
• 23:44
  You know, if we have all these in place, that's what helps us get through, and we have to stop
• 23:49
  waiting until crises hit us before we wake up and start building, you know, the connections
• 23:54
  that make us happier and healthier.
• 23:56
  Well, you know, we can't I can say it in a better way.
• 24:00
  And, you know, I think that I've learned so much as well with myself through the pandemic.
• 24:06
  I have a friend.
• 24:07
  She lives down the street.
• 24:08
  We walked every single day.
• 24:10
  Beautiful.
• 24:11
  And, you know, and I said, I think we're psychological buddies, and we started giggled
• 24:17
  about it.
• 24:17
  And we said, I said, we solved world problems.
• 24:20
  We talked about how shitty it is to be in snow.
• 24:24
  Oh my, how lovely it is.
• 24:25
  How pretty it we talked about everything.
• 24:27
  We talked about family.
• 24:28
  We talked about business.
• 24:30
  We talked about kids every single day for an hour a half a day for the duration just
• 24:36
  recently because of the summer.
• 24:37
  We kinda, you know, got a little bit busier every single day we walked.
• 24:41
  And, you know, unknowingly, and for both of us, even though I do and I do, I was looking at it
• 24:46
  as anything other than I'm gonna just see my friend today, and I live alone as well.
• 24:52
  She lives with a family, not thinking about it, but every single day even though I'm completely
• 24:58
  connected to people online and my son comes and goes and those types of things, and I have a
• 25:03
  bubble with my family, Missusauga, I saw her every single day.
• 25:08
  And she I I said that to her, and she said, you thought you I was, but in fact, you were my
• 25:13
  bubble.
• 25:14
  Even though I had a family.
• 25:15
  Yeah.
• 25:16
  So the things that you learn about yourself that you don't know when you do get connected,
• 25:20
  it's amazing.
• 25:21
  So I I hope that people are listening to our stories and the things that we're sharing about
• 25:25
  our lives, and they realize we're human like everybody else.
• 25:28
  We all need that connection and kindness you know, throughout our lives.
• 25:32
  Yeah.
• 25:33
  Real insight behind what you just described is, you know, when we went through what when when
• 25:38
  we're going through the glow pandemic.
• 25:40
  What has been taking away taken away from us is, the casual collisions that used to happen
• 25:46
  throughout the course of our day.
• 25:48
  You know, every relationship that we have right now takes, a booking, frankly, because usually
• 25:54
  it's a, hey.
• 25:54
  Can you wanna get on Zoom at 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock?
• 25:59
  65, we just did the Canadian social connection survey.
• 26:01
  6 over 65% of the connections that we had in our lives every day were not scheduled.
• 26:08
  They were the people that you ran into when you're just out and about doing what you did,
• 26:12
  whether it was shopping in a store, getting a coffee, at the office, water cooler, lunch
• 26:17
  room, and all of those connections were wiped out of our lives.
• 26:21
  And those are social connections.
• 26:23
  Those are the ones where you run into Roxanne on the street and you go, Hey, Roxanne.
• 26:27
  How are you?
• 26:27
  Haven't seen you in weeks.
• 26:28
  What's going on?
• 26:29
  How's the family?
• 26:30
  What's, you know, how's work?
• 26:31
  You know?
• 26:31
  And those conversations are the ones that give us energy.
• 26:35
  They give us life because you realize that even though I haven't seen rocks in in 3 weeks or 6
• 26:40
  weeks or 12 weeks, that when I see you, you bring a smile to my face and I bring a smile to
• 26:46
  your face.
• 26:47
  And so what you did by creating there's two things you did you were creating that regular
• 26:52
  occasion, creating the habit with your friend down the street, and that's what more people
• 26:57
  needed to do.
• 26:58
  But again, we're fearful.
• 26:59
  We're locked down.
• 27:00
  There was a lot of reasons why people weren't connecting with other people, but it gave you
• 27:04
  that social time because what I see on webinars and on on normal Zoom calls is we're not taking
• 27:12
  the time to talk as human beings.
• 27:14
  When you leave a meeting at the office or when you leave a friend, you know, and I hear this
• 27:19
  from teachers a lot.
• 27:20
  The learning happens when you're standing up and walking out of the class or when you're
• 27:24
  leaving the meeting.
• 27:25
  That's when that's when connections and bonds are created.
• 27:28
  And what's happening right now is you and I'll get on an hour webinar and we'll have a
• 27:33
  conversation and about the subject or the business that we're trying to handle.
• 27:38
  And as soon as it's done, it's, hey.
• 27:40
  See you later, Roxanne.
• 27:41
  Bye.
• 27:42
  And and and the screen goes dark.
• 27:44
  And what you do is you turn around and you go, wow.
• 27:47
  I just had, an hour with people, but I'm still alone.
• 27:50
  And I'm I don't I haven't built the bonds and the connection, and this is what I think we so
• 27:56
  quickly need to get back to.
• 27:57
  And and we need to be understanding not everybody's gonna rush back to connecting face
• 28:02
  to face.
• 28:03
  This is going to be a challenge for some people, and this is why the Genwell project is
• 28:07
  more important right now than ever before.
• 28:09
  Is we need to help those that are struggling to to reach back out and get socially active.
• 28:14
  We need to help them by giving them tips, tools, and ideas people like you, we wanna
• 28:18
  champion the Roxanne and say, hey, Roxanne, did you know that the work you do is changing lives
• 28:25
  is making people happier and healthier Did we think about the multi generational, the
• 28:29
  opportunity for every person your age and my age to see a kid walking down the street and
• 28:33
  say, Hey, Jimmy.
• 28:35
  How's how things going at school?
• 28:37
  Are you happy to be back?
• 28:38
  Can we engage in a conversation?
• 28:41
  Because every one of those conversations is critically important right now.
• 28:46
  And as I like to say oftentimes when we think of giving, we think of money or we think of
• 28:50
  gifts The greatest gift we can all give right now might be the gift of human connection.
• 28:56
  And by a simple conversation, you can change not only your life, you can change the life of
• 29:02
  the people that you're speaking to.
• 29:04
  Well, what a nice, line to end on.
• 29:07
  Yeah.
• 29:07
  Is that what we need is human connection?
• 29:09
  So think of what's you can do today.
• 29:12
  And, you know, I would say with the Genwell project, definitely follow them, get the tips,
• 29:18
  you know, reach out to me.
• 29:20
  You know, I do, you know, calls.
• 29:23
  I will give you half an hour of my time just to connect with you and see in whatever way I can,
• 29:28
  help out.
• 29:30
  And, you know, thank you again so much, Pete.
• 29:34
  This initiative is needed, not just within Canada, what I would say globally.
• 29:38
  We all need to be able to have, this perspective of connection because at the end of
• 29:43
  the day, what is important but the people, that are that we surround ourselves with.
• 29:48
  And through this time, it showed us more more than ever, It has helped me, and as I'm sure
• 29:53
  it's helped you recognize what and who is important in my life, which it's it's not about
• 29:59
  things.
• 29:59
  It's about, connections, and it's about the people, that are dear, in my heart.
• 30:06
  So again, thanks so much for being here, and for everyone, if you're needing more
• 30:10
  information on me, or you'd like to have a chat, just go to chat with roxanne.com.
• 30:16
  Okay?
• 30:16
  Take care.
• 30:17
  We'll talk to you soon.
• 30:18
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
• 30:24
  healthy change.
• 30:25
  Roxanne a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
• 30:31
  roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 30:35
  We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.