Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / I’m Not the Kind of Mom I Thought I Would Be

Transcript

I’m Not the Kind of Mom I Thought I Would Be · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:03
SPEAKER_01: Okay, rewind the clock with me.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: Back to the time before you were a mom.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: Did you ever say I would never?
0:11
SPEAKER_01: I can't believe.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: How could she?
0:15
SPEAKER_01: But then, after your first kid you found yourself saying, No one told me.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: They don't do what I say.
0:23
SPEAKER_01: I am not the kind of mom I thought I would be.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: Before the baby arrived, I bet you pinned the perfect nursery setup on your Pinterest board.
0:32
SPEAKER_01: You may have even written out your ideal birth plan.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: And did you also envision the dreamy snuggles in the new IKEA rocking chair?
0:40
SPEAKER_01: But then your budget ran out.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: Your birth did not go how you wanted.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: The baby wouldn't sleep like the book said.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: And then there are all those people up in your business telling you what to do and what not to do.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: And yet, when your child laughs for the first time, being a mom is the best thing ever.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: And then your baby responds with a smile and sleeps through the night.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: They become the best eater on the block, and your friends call you the potty training guru.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: You are rocking motherhood.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: Up and down, ebb and flow.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: And then comes the toddler stage, or the elementary years, and then the tween years.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: And those teenage years, ouch.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: But you learn to adapt, and it works for a time.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: It works until it doesn't.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: You lash out irrationally, you are overcome by fear, you hide and you medicate your embarrassment.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: You lose track of your real purpose and you act like this whole mom thing depends on you.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: But today I have some really great news.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: That ideal vision of motherhood you once had, well, it just wasn't the whole picture.
1:57
SPEAKER_01: God needs it all.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: He needs all your fears, all your failings, and your brokenness.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: Because if messiness is not on the radar, then faith doesn't have to be either.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna trust in your human ability, resources, and capacity?
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Or will you place radical trust in a very capable God?
2:21
SPEAKER_01: Today I'm going to continue the conversation we started last week, and I'm gonna shine a light on the ideal self.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: In today's episode, I'm gonna just scratch the surface, but I believe the content today is going to provide the empathy that you've been craving and the practical help to flourish in motherhood.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: First, we're gonna talk about the core issues behind your limiting beliefs, and then I'm gonna share the top nine lives moms believe.
2:49
SPEAKER_01: And of course, I'll give you a next step that you can take today.
2:54
SPEAKER_01: But first, I realize that this content may hit some of you at a vulnerable time, and I want you to know that I'm here for you.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: As a certified faith-based Enneagram coach, I help moms like you overcome the frustration, overwhelm, and self-hatred that you might be struggling with.
3:12
SPEAKER_01: I would love to chat with you on a Zoom call, free of charge.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: You can learn more at simplyholhearted.com or at the link in the show notes.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I help you navigate the overwhelm and frustration of motherhood through faith, Enneagram, and simple plans.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: As a faith-based Enneagram coach, I champion you to love your mothering style because you are the mom your kids need, even when you don't feel like it.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest, overwhelmed and frustrated by motherhood.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
3:55
SPEAKER_01: He helped me turn the challenges of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my self-awareness, and my family.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: Each episode of this podcast provides perspective through story, wholehearted purpose, and simple plan so you can discover how to love your mothering style and be confident that you are the mom your kids need.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
4:33
SPEAKER_01: Get ready to be encouraged and empowered while you listen.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to start with the good news.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: God is actually waiting for you to realize that you aren't God.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: He wants you to know that human perfection is a myth, and this is not his desire for you.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: If we go back to the garden, as in Genesis, and we read about the pinnacle of creation, God set all of the universe in place without any expectation of mankind possessing knowledge for all things.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: God did not desire that human beings be like him.
5:16
SPEAKER_01: He desired a relationship with his creation.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: He desired to lead us, and he desired fellowship.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: The not so good news.
5:34
SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately, Satan's tactics and his taunts for idealism and perfection to be like God, well, they worked with Eve.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: And Satan is still using these mind games with us today.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Let's read about it in Genesis 3.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: In verses 5 through 6, it reads, God knows that your eyes will be open as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: The woman, Eve, was convinced.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: She saw that the tree was beautiful, and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: So she took some of the fruit and ate it.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: Then she gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it too.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: So what does this have to do with your life today and with motherhood?
6:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, you work hard to be like God.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Your idealized self is a delight to the eyes, and because you desire to appear wise, you take the bite of the ideal fruit and you share it with others.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Let me give a brief illustration of what this looks like to indulge and to share in idealism.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Every week, Karen, and sorry, Karen, it's just a good name to use, right?
6:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, every week Karen shares the ideal fruit at church.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: She walks in the door all done up with her cutest outfit just shipped in by Stitch Fix.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: Yet she is barely holding it together after yelling at her kids in the van on the way there.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: She's put on her mask of success and achievement over embarrassment.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: And when others ask her how she's doing, she puts a smile over the shame and proclaims the goodness of God.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: Unknowingly, she entices others to the idea of perfection through her perfectly curated and filtered Instagram posts about her Sunday rituals.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: She compares herself to the room of women and yet flaunts progress, knowledge, and accomplishments at the lobby of church to cover her feelings of lack.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: There is no trace of authenticity because the fear of being found out runs deep, and instead she firmly secures her personality mask of accomplishment.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Shame, embarrassment, and the lie that she doesn't measure up holds her captive to the false idea that she needs to have it all together.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: But what Karen doesn't understand is that we all fall short of the glory of God.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: The ideal picture of motherhood is not something to be grasped.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: There is freedom and authenticity, and her shortcomings are normal.
8:11
SPEAKER_01: And the Lord loves all that is behind the mask.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: Now let's get back to the good news.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: The ideal you, that one that you've perfected in your mind, the one that you had in your mind before there was kids, well, it's not as strong as the actual real you.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: The ideal mom is one who has it all under control.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: But human control is only a false sense of control.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: God created you to have radical vulnerability and dependence on Christ's free gift of mercy in order to be able to get through this life.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: To realize that you can't do this mom life or any sort of life without him, you have to come to the end of yourself.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: And the only way you can adequately reflect the Lord is to quit trying so hard to be like him and instead allow Christ's transforming work of mercy to work in you for your good and his glory.
9:13
SPEAKER_01: So today I'm gonna shine a light on the top nine lies moms believe, and then I will speak the word of truth, which I pray will replace your lies and rule your spirit, mind, and body.
9:27
SPEAKER_01: Alright, lie number one.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: I'll never be good enough.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: You yelled, you slammed the door, you lost it with your kids again.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: You did exactly what you tell your kids not to do, and you tell yourself, I'm a bad mom, I'll never be good enough.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: Lie number two, I'm not worth treating myself with kindness and care.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: You've given your all once again.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: You're exhausted and spent, so you find yourself face in the cupboard.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Specifically, you're looking at the shelf which holds all your red line food.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: The Oreo package is already open, but not yet emptied of its contents.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: You give into the desire to soothe your weariness, and your moment of indulgence doesn't leave a crumb behind.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: And once again, you've known you've blown your desire for healthy soul care.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: You tell yourself I'm not worth treating myself with kindness and care.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: Lie number three.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: I've tried and failed.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: This time it was going to work.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: You knew it in your heart.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: The sleep schedule, the new routine, the potty training, the method your girlfriend swore by, but it didn't.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: There must be something wrong with you or your child because it wasn't a first-time success.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: You tell yourself, I'm a big fat failure.
10:45
SPEAKER_01: Lie number four.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: I should be more like you go to the play dates late, not five minutes late, more like halfway through.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: Your kids are acting out the minute you pull up, their Cheerio-stained PJs are still on, and you realize you dressed all wrong for this group of friends.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: You can only see what's missing, and you tell yourself, I should be more like them.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: Lie number five.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: You wake up Monday morning with a niggling sense of dread.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: You tried to get some alone time this weekend, but your husband's fishing trip took longer than planned, and the kids' soccer games were back to back.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: And church, all those people who wanted to talk after service, you feel so drained, and you tell yourself, I don't have enough energy for my kids.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: Lie number six.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Good moms must just be born that way, and I am not one of them.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: He fell again.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: And and you didn't see the big pothole in the middle of the road, and now this.
11:53
SPEAKER_01: You berate yourself for letting him get to the middle of the road to begin with.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, it wasn't totally the middle of the road, but you really should have seen it coming.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: It's what you do.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: You prepare for the worst and have a plan ready to go.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: You tell yourself, somehow God messed up when he allowed me to be a mom, because good moms are born this way, and I fall crazy short of the standard.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: Lie number seven.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: My circumstances won't allow me.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: I am so limited.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: The pregnancy test has to be faulty.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: You can't understand why there are two distinct pink lines on the stick.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: You finally just got your body back, you just started a new project, and your occasional independence has been such a welcome relief.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: With this news, you know you're just adding one more human to the mix and it will limit your freedom.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: You tell yourself that your circumstances won't let you pursue your dreams.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Lie number eight.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: I am not in control, and I feel so out of control.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: They did it again.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: You wonder how you could have let them do this to you.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: They promise not to break your trust.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: You gave them the benefit of the doubt, and they betrayed the freedom you gave them.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: This is it.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: You are not letting them get any wiggle room.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: They will not be allowed out of their room or out of your sight for a long time.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: You tell yourself that you are going to do whatever it takes to not feel out of control again.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: Lie number nine.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: My kids are too loud, crazy, intense, needy.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: Your kids feel like a constant disruption to the serenity of your home and your mind.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: You wonder if God made a mistake when he made you their mom.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: You tell yourself that your kids are too much and that you are not sure that you can handle them anymore.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay, were those a little hard to hear?
13:48
SPEAKER_01: I know.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: They were a little hard to read.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: So how do you interrupt these patterns of thinking?
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Which lie do you identify most with?
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Most likely you have allowed one or more of these thoughts to circle in your mind for years.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: And these stubborn problems require creative responses, and God wants to show you that He is able, that His ways are better, that His words are better.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: Now, while I can't provide shock and surprise to disrupt the circles of limiting beliefs, I can offer words of truth.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: It'll be up to you to write, speak, and believe what is true.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: And most likely, you will have to do this on a regular basis.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you post them on a mirror, by your kitchen sink or even your dashboard to help you snap out of the pattern that you've found yourself stuck in and begin to tell yourself a new story.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: I would love for you to tell yourself God's story for your motherhood and how He created you to be the mom your kids need.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: The enemy wants to take you out, but God's power is greater than anything that wants to take you out.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: So don't succumb to the lies that hinder you.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Yes, the Enneagram has helped me shine a light on these limiting beliefs, but it's the gospel message that gives you the truth to liberate your spirit, mind, and body for wholehearted motherhood.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: If I could sit across the table from you, we might identify a few of these hangups and lies that you've been telling yourself for way too long.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: You would be able to unpack your story with some tears, but mostly relief and relief that you aren't the only one.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: And I would sit there without judgment, completely understanding how you feel.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal: by investing in God's word and allowing it to do the work as you give it authority in your life, you will be able to carry freedom because you carry the authority to speak the word of God in an accessible way.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: You have the authority outside of the church, you have the authority to do this in your home, in your car, or even as you sit on the toilet hiding from your kids.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: Remember, come back and play this part of the episode anytime you need a friendly voice reminding you of what is true.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: And when you have a note card to write down these truth statements your heart needs to hear, you can play them back at half speed.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: I don't promise that that's gonna not sound weird, but hopefully it'll be slow enough that you can write them down.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: So when all you hear is, I'll never be good enough, read Galatians 2.20.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: My old self has been crucified with Christ.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: So I live in this earthly body by trusting the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: When all you hear is, I'm not worth treating myself with kindness and care, read 1 John 4.16.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: So we have to know and believe that the love God has for us, God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: When all you hear is I've tried and failed, read Lamentations 3.23.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: Great is his faithfulness, his mercies begin afresh each morning.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: When all you hear is I should be more like well, read Romans 12.4.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: Just as our bodies have many parts, and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ's body.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: And when you hear that there is not enough time, energy, or resources, read Philippians 4.19.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: And the same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: When all you hear is good moms are just born this way, and I'm not one of them, read John 15.16.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: You didn't choose me, I chose you.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for using my name.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: When all you hear my circumstances won't allow me, read Ephesians 2.10.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: For we are God's masterpiece.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: He has created us anew in Christ, so we can do the good things that He planned for us long ago.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: When all you hear is I'm not in control or I feel out of control, read Psalms 33.18.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: But the Lord watches over those who hear him, those who rely on his unfailing love.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: And when all you hear is my kids are too whatever, well, read Isaiah 26, 3.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Here's the deal.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: You could walk away from this episode and do nothing about what we talked about, but instead, I hope you let the truth of the gospel minister to you.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: Only the Lord can satisfy the ache you feel.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: He speaks to the longing and he sees you.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: I hope that you'll write down your true statement as a reminder that God says who you are in Christ, and then you can pass along the truth to others.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: Remember, the Enneagram shines a light on the relationship between the best version of you and the worst version of you.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: It gives insight to your distorted beliefs and unconscious strategies, which hinder the full expression of who God designed you to become.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: So together, with God's help, you can be the wholehearted mom that you long to be.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: I am super thrilled to have you on this journey.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: And just to let you know what to expect, this special series will be airing every Monday with a focused Enneagram topic and action steps to help empower you in your motherhood.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: And if you happen to miss episode one of this series, just go back to episode 186 of the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: That's what you're listening to, hopefully you know, and you can get the full beginning of the Enneagram guide for moms.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: I'll link to the specific episode in the show notes.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: And friends, don't keep good things to themselves.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: Share this special series with your mom friends so they can experience freedom right along with you.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: And for my faithful, simply wholehearted podcast community, you can still expect stellar interviews throughout the season and the fifth year of this podcast.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: I've got some amazing conversations headed your way and a special episode to celebrate our fourth anniversary next month.
20:37
SPEAKER_01: Remember, you are the mom your kids need.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: Continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for the wholehearted life you desire.