Latest / Only Bombs! Comedy Podcast / ONLY BOMBS! 20: Cuzzin Paul

Transcript

ONLY BOMBS! 20: Cuzzin Paul · Only Bombs! Comedy Podcast

0:00
Only bombs only only bombs Yeah, so I want to
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I want to start it off I wanted to tell you like
0:44
I know we kind of talked about it like outside
0:45
But I want to talk I want to tell you man that
0:48
um that this is a super special episode this
0:51
being Episode 20 and the reason why that is so
0:56
special is I have like this thing that that I
1:00
wanted to pull up a little statistic from It
1:04
is from podcasts or podnews .net. And this was
1:09
written in May of 2025. And there's a statistic
1:13
about podcasts in specific. It says many industry
1:17
sources report that 90 % of podcasts don't make
1:20
it past three episodes. And then of the 10 %
1:24
that do make it past three episodes, 90 % of
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those podcasts don't make it. past episode 20,
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and what makes that so special is that this is
1:33
episode 20, and I just wanted to say thank you
1:36
so much for being that way. I really appreciate
1:38
it, brother. No problem. It's all about that
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dub. That dub, that 20. Yeah, I wanted to get
1:46
you one because, so, when I saw you live, when
1:49
I saw you with Marcus Monroe, right? That was
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the first time I saw you. I think what I really
1:53
liked a lot was that, now normally, normally
1:57
you can kind of, like, watch a comedian and you
2:00
know it's like, all right, is this gonna be good
2:02
or is this gonna be like, shit, like you know
2:04
within the first few seconds. But what really,
2:06
what I loved about you was one, your stories.
2:08
I love your stories. I see the direction that
2:10
you're going in. And then two, I love the expressive
2:14
gratitude that you showed. Like you just, you,
2:18
you know, you thanked the crowd for being there
2:20
and then you said that, you know, you guys are
2:23
gonna see me in the future and thank you for.
2:26
Thank you for being here since the beginning,
2:27
I think, was something like you said. Yeah? Yeah.
2:30
And I thought that was just so cool that you're
2:34
also acknowledging that you have a future in
2:38
this. You know what you want to do and everything.
2:41
And that kind of resonated with me. And I was
2:43
just immediately like, dude, I not only want
2:45
to get you on, I want you to be 20. I appreciate
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that. Because I feel like we kind of share the
2:50
same kind of sentiment of success, of just not
2:54
giving up. Yeah, there ain't no quit here. Yeah.
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I'm from Philly, man. Yeah. I mean, ain't no
3:00
quit in Philadelphia. Well, tell me about that,
3:02
man. It's a hunger, it's a drive. If you're supposed
3:06
to do something, you just do it. And as you heard
3:13
on stage, but I share this story whenever I'm
3:16
in front of a definitely a new crowd or a new
3:19
fan base. The only reason that I even levitated
3:24
towards actually getting on stage was my brother,
3:28
First Lieutenant Demetrius Montez Friesen Army.
3:32
Me too, bro. He hit me on April 8th, 2011. He
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was like, are we talking? Because my birthday
3:38
is April 9th. His birthday is April 10th. We're
3:41
three years apart. Oh, happy belated. Thanks.
3:43
So he called me to wish me happy birthday. He's
3:46
in Afghanistan. It's this weird number. You probably
3:48
have seen him. You know what I'm talking about,
3:50
that pop up on the phone when you call from overseas.
3:52
Yeah. At first I didn't answer, but something
3:54
was like, pick up. So I picked up and I'm talking
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to him. We busted up for like 20 minutes. That's
3:59
the last 20 minute conversation I ever had with
4:00
my brother. So through that conversation, he's
4:04
like, yo, I really think you need to just throw
4:07
your hat in the ring and just try doing standup
4:09
comedy. He's like, you're the funniest person
4:10
I've ever met, Paul. You can make a room full
4:14
of people that's crying just bust into laughter
4:19
and forget about the sadness that's in the room.
4:22
Yeah. So I thought about it and then I hit up
4:26
a couple people in the city of Philadelphia because
4:28
I was a party promoter. I was actually at an
4:31
event that I plan on bringing to Austin called
4:34
the Get Familiar Tour, which is something where
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I would go across the city. And if you are a
4:38
new artist, hip hop, comedian, R &B, whatever,
4:44
people need to get familiar with you. So we're
4:45
touring around the city, Get Familiar Tour. So
4:48
I was actually at the venue. setting up when
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he called for that and He said it I start rolling
4:56
and I had it literally set for it was a Should
5:02
have been May 12th, I believe or May 13th Because
5:07
I believe it was the winners that he passed away
5:09
May 10th of 2011 The idea was for me to go on
5:14
stage record it mmm put it on YouTube and then
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I could send it to him so he could see it. Even
5:20
if I sucked, I was going, you know, just show
5:23
him like, yo, I tried my hand at it, you know.
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All right, I'm gonna have to do this. You know,
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that was my mindset. But then on May 10th, and
5:31
this is crazy, because you see what I just did
5:33
with the phone. You see how I was like, yo, I
5:34
gotta go get it. I never cut my phone off. Like,
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I never cut my, since I've had a cell phone,
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I've never really just cut it off. On May 10th,
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I had done so much work in party promoting and
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doing all this stuff late night on May 9th, going
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into May 10th. I was so tired. I actually cut
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my phone off. So when I cut my phone back on,
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I had, I think it was 20 voicemails. Oh, wow.
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I had text messages coming in. I was crazy. And
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when I finally called my mom, she's like, get
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here to his wife's mother's house on the other
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side of Philadelphia. So we're in Austin, so
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just think, I had to drive from South Austin
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to like Georgetown. But I had to pick up my little
6:28
brother on the way, because it's three of us.
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So I'm on my way to go pick up my little brother.
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And when I got my little brother, he's like,
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yeah, mommy been trying to get in touch with
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you, whatever, whatever. And I'm like, yeah,
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I was like, I don't know what's going on. And
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I think we got about 10 minutes from the door
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and I looked at my brother in the face, my baby
6:44
brother, and I was like, If they tell us that
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Demetrius has passed away, I need you to just,
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both of us, we just gotta stand strong for mom
6:53
and dad. That's what we gotta do right here,
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right now. Because I felt it. As I got closer
7:00
to the house, I felt it. So when we got there,
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the soldiers that still were there presenting
7:11
the flag, the folded flag. to my mom, my dad,
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his wife, and his son. And mother -in -law. And
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when I walked in, I saw it, and I was just like,
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damn. So mentally, I wasn't even thinking about
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comedy. I'm just thinking about my family and
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everything. We had to fly to Fort Knox. Well,
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no, we actually had to go to Dover, Delaware,
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Dover Air Force Base, and to see them roll my
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brother in what looked like a bread truck. And
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that little metal -looking casket thing, but
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he stepped on an IED, so we don't know what he
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looked like, anything. Only one person in my
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life knows what he looks like, and that's my
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best friend Marv, because that was his job in
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the military to not only look at stuff like that,
8:01
but file it. That was his position in the military,
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so he's the only one who knows what my brother
8:09
actually looked like after the fact, outside
8:12
of his his group of soldiers that he led or whatever.
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And that story gets crazy because that's the
8:18
first time I've seen that many grown ass men
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cry because the story goes, my brother, obviously
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first lieutenant, he's ahead, they're driving
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and he told everybody stop. He felt weird. He
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goes to step out. He goes about, I think they
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said it was about maybe 60 feet out. The IED
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goes off but it triggered about 40 other IEDs.
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So had they all driven, it's everybody versus
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him. So the ultimate sacrifice as a soldier,
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you protected your people, but you know what
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I mean? So you know, I've had my days. So when
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I get on stage, I tell that story about my brother
8:58
to not only bring you in, but to let you know
9:00
like, yo, I'm doing this seriously. Like this
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is for real. Like being funny, being the light
9:09
in the room, being that positive energy. That
9:12
show that you actually saw me on shout out to
9:14
Marcus Monroe and the young ladies that went
9:17
up as well as uh The other guy I don't know his
9:20
name not gonna lie When I was brought on that
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show it was only supposed to be three of us will
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be me the dude and Marcus Monroe The promoter
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got nervous and he added the two young ladies
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because he said he'd never seen me perform like
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what did you book me for? If you're gonna get
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nervous, so that's why I opened And then I was
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cut to what? I think I did five. Yeah, I felt
9:44
like five minutes. But I did a five that was
9:48
like, I chopped like four different parts of
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tens to do the five. I went straight to the funny,
9:53
the funny, the funny. The funny, the funny, the
9:56
story, the funny, the funny. And I got off. Because
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that joke about the Viagra, I know that's a killer.
10:02
Like that kills no matter where I go because
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nobody's thinking of it nobody nobody even derives
10:08
that answer or what's going to be said I actually
10:10
had an older lady who uh, I was finishing out
10:14
a show one time I was doing like kind of like
10:15
the check spot And she was she wanted to go to
10:18
the bathroom because she sat in the front row
10:20
She didn't want to leave the front row empty.
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So she sat there and when I dropped that joke,
10:25
she peed on herself So after she peeled herself,
10:28
after the show, she's like showing me, her daughter's
10:30
like, she's not getting in my car. I was like,
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you better put a tile down for your mom. She's
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like, no, she's getting an Uber. I'm like, no,
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no Uber driver on her pissy ass and they got
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damn car. Like, I'm saying like, we don't make
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enough money. And then, you know, we can go into
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that too. Cause since I've been here in Austin,
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I'm the Lyft driver, 2 ,600 rides, bro. I am
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literally working on a coffee table book full
10:54
of stories. from Lyft Rides, bro. So that's what
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you're doing right now, is it Lyft Riding? Yeah,
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we talk about almost two to three times a week.
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That's how I met the promoter that booked me
11:07
for the show. No shit. I took him home, we was
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rapping, and we're talking, and I just had him
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in the back, just cracking him up, which again
11:13
is like, dude, you know I can do this, but I
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have people who literally follow me on Instagram,
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follow me on the Facebook, who were riders, who
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were like, yo. You funny shit bro, like I've
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had people crying in the car I've had people
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like Calling people like you're listening with
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this dude is saying like I told my wife I was
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like, yo I should have like I should have had
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a camera up from day one That captured all it
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cuz I didn't think it was gonna go like this
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cuz that yeah my first couple of rides I ain't
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gonna lie. I was like, you're these awesome people
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weird as hell coming from Philly. This is different
11:48
This is a different batch of individuals. I can't
11:51
even imagine. Like, this is a different batch.
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But then you realize it's like, okay, it's a
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little New York, it's a little LA, it's a little
11:57
bit of the South, it's a little bit of the Midwest,
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you know what I mean? So depending on where they
12:01
tell me they're from, I kind of know where I
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can go with the jokes. I love, I love the maggots
12:08
when they get in the car. I love it. Because
12:11
you, ooh, I'm about to give you. It's going to
12:13
be crazy. Oh, this is going to be rapid fire.
12:15
Because you're a leader. Yeah. Your leader has
12:20
set up the pins and I've got a bowling ball that's
12:22
about this big. And I'm about to just push it
12:25
down the lane. I'm getting a strike. And no matter
12:27
how you feel at the end of it, I got you. Because
12:32
everything, you know, like we all know a great
12:34
deal of stuff that they believe in is WWE made
12:39
up. And they're riding with it, because if you
12:42
really think that Hulk Hogan could beat the Ultimate
12:45
Warrior, you're crazy. On a given day, without
12:49
the cocaine, Ultimate Warrior probably would
12:51
have killed Hulk Hogan. Without the cocaine.
12:53
Without the cocaine. Now, on the cocaine, he
12:55
might be a step slow, but without the, you know.
12:57
I mean, he might get charged up somehow, though.
13:00
He's going to get it. He's going to get it. Give
13:01
him a red bull, and it's over for you. Yeah.
13:03
So, yeah, man, like, I can't. See myself losing
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at comedy and the reason I actually decided to
13:12
take it full force outside of my brother was
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I was doing I was doing artist management hip
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-hop R &B spending thousands of dollars in studios
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getting songs done and going to record labels
13:25
and taking me ends and I Saw myself as you know
13:30
without the baby oil in the rape charges. I was
13:32
like puff daddy, man I was trying my best to
13:34
get this thing going But those artists, they
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didn't want to listen, but I'm spending my money
13:39
and I'm using my time. So I told myself, like,
13:43
yo, if you could put all of this time, effort,
13:47
energy, and money into somebody else, might as
13:50
well put it into yourself. And if you lose...
13:53
then you just stand in the mirror and yell at
13:55
yourself versus yelling at some individual who
13:57
truly don't care, because they done went in the
13:59
studio and dropped their song and they out in
14:01
the street know whatever they want. They don't
14:02
really give a damn if you throw away. It sounds
14:05
to me like they didn't understand the position
14:06
that they were in. A lot of them didn't. A lot
14:08
of them don't. And a lot of them don't have success
14:10
now because of, you know what I mean? I actually
14:13
had an artist. So everybody who's seen the movie
14:18
Wicked now, there's a song in there called Popular.
14:21
I literally, do you remember when Cable used
14:23
to have just the music channels that just played
14:26
music? It was like, so one morning, I don't know
14:29
what I was doing, but I was flipping, and the
14:31
song Popular came on. And I heard it, and I went
14:36
out throughout the day, and I can still hear
14:38
it. So then I found out what the song was, and
14:41
I took it to the producer guy, and he was a producer
14:43
artist, kinda like Kanye, and he flipped it into
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this. Dope -ass track and we put it up on my
14:50
myspace. This is how long ago i'm talking on
14:51
myspace dude atlantic records A and r heard it
14:57
and was like yo, I want to take a meeting Whoa,
15:01
so i'm excited. I call him like yo, bro We got
15:05
a meeting with atlantic I need you to be here
15:09
at this time today is not the day to be on your
15:12
bs i'm near It's called 19 at the Bellevue in
15:18
Philadelphia. You're overlooking the city. You're
15:20
up top. Beautiful. I done set this up. I'm paying
15:24
for lunch, everything, whatever, whatever. Yeah,
15:26
you're ready to go. Never shows up. No shit.
15:30
So what did AR do? He ordered champagne or all
15:33
this stuff on me, because he pissing and wasting
15:36
his time. Yeah. So I wound up with like a $300
15:40
bill and nothing moving forward. Then when he
15:44
finally contacted me two days later, he like
15:46
I had to pick my son I'm like I ain't trying
15:48
to hear that bro You supposed to grab your son
15:50
and bring him to the meeting so they see you
15:52
need yeah this it's a life changing thing right
15:55
there but the deal is this and and Let's just
15:58
be honest because I've had this conversation
16:00
with successful and unsuccessful people For the
16:02
reason that they are unsuccessful a lot of people
16:05
are afraid of success when it's staring in your
16:07
face Yeah, you realize like yo, I've got to go
16:10
in this direction at this speed and I really
16:14
gotta do it, they're gonna probably see my flaws,
16:17
they're gonna see what I lack, they're gonna
16:19
see that I BS sometimes and I'm not gonna be
16:23
able, that shit scares people. And when I sat
16:27
there with that young man and I looked him in
16:29
his face and I could tell like, yo, you are afraid
16:31
of success. But I'm actually glad it only cost
16:34
me, honestly I think, I think I dropped about
16:40
30 grand in the dude. in a matter of two years,
16:43
like 30 racks in the dude in two years. But when
16:46
I say great, like he made, I could play songs
16:49
for you right now from dude. And you'd be like,
16:51
yo, that could be on the radio today. I know
16:54
it, but you wouldn't get it out of him. You wouldn't
16:58
get it out of him. Karma type situation. I'm
17:03
flying back from LA and I'm tired as hell. So
17:06
I'm like, you know, shout out to Red Bull. Y
17:08
'all need to give me a sponsorship. Arizona green
17:11
tea Pretty much right. So I I brought up I don't
17:16
know if it's been the PA you ever been to Philly
17:17
before Pennsylvania at all? Um, I've just been
17:20
through there Florida. So have you ever heard
17:22
of Wawa? Oh, yeah Buffalo chicken wrap. So there
17:26
you go. Boom. I go into Wawa and I grab a Red
17:29
Bull and I come to the counter and I hear long
17:33
time no see and I look up and it's the artist
17:37
Yeah, is he working the cash register? He's working
17:39
the cash register now Let me let me promise this
17:41
story cuz I gotta make I got I gotta show his
17:43
hair for fucking knew it I'm in there now if
17:46
you look under the table right now, you see the
17:47
sneaker game bro. Like I do kicks I'm in the
17:50
J Balvin rainbow Jordans That all the young boys
17:56
in the store looking at my feet. I Got the jewelry
17:59
on I'm decked out, but I just came from LA So,
18:02
you know if you're in LA, you gotta kind of like
18:03
you got a little bit of money I'm not gonna act
18:05
like I'm rich But damn it, I gotta at least look
18:08
the part. I'm smart enough to understand that
18:10
Hollywood is make -believe, so god damn it, this
18:12
is my costume. That's it. I get back to Philly,
18:15
I'm in there, I'm in that, and he's looking at
18:17
me, and he like, long time no see. And I'm like,
18:21
you act like that was my fucking choice. Mm -hmm.
18:25
Man, bring me up for my Red Bull and a Reese
18:27
Cup. Let me get the fuck out of here. Like, can
18:30
I get your number? You don't need my number.
18:32
And guess what? My number never changed. This
18:36
is how I know that I've been doing good business
18:39
for the past 20 years. I've had the same cell
18:43
phone number. Nice, nice. And a lot of people
18:47
that can say that. You could clip that part right
18:50
there and make that some, I've had the same phone
18:53
number for 20 years. So I'm talking exes, I'm
18:57
talking chicks I didn't work with, I'm talking
18:59
guys that I try to do business with. That when
19:01
they tried to jump into a lane that I wasn't
19:03
comfortable with, I was like, no, I'm good. I
19:06
never, I'm not running from anybody. Damn. I'm
19:09
either Paul Friesen or I'm cousin Paul, or I
19:11
was missed out on order or whatever you want
19:12
to call me, whichever nickname you came in on.
19:16
But I'm still the same guy and I feel solid about
19:19
it. I don't lie. I don't lie. Let me tell you
19:23
why. Three words. Can't remember shit. Yeah.
19:26
It's not. into a story form where I can actually
19:30
tell you what I was wearing, where I was at,
19:32
the time that was on the clock. And then on top
19:37
of that, who the fuck are you for me to lie to?
19:39
Let you make the decision. Yeah. Towards what
19:42
I'm about to say. Yeah. Why lie to you when I
19:46
can just be straight up honest and then I'll
19:48
get a hopefully straight up honest answer from
19:50
you. Now we can come together and either agree.
19:53
Disagree or agree to disagree right and then
19:55
we move forward happily. I Don't lie to people.
19:59
I don't try to take advantage of people I'm just
20:04
a straight -up and down Individual. Yeah as the
20:07
shirt says as a shirt says can you see what it
20:10
say? Let's see. Can you see what it say? Oh,
20:12
I can see what it said No, wait, wait, come on
20:15
Be you oh be you all day that's it dude, that's
20:22
it That's it. There we go. That's it. Be you.
20:26
Be you. I love it. I coined it. I phrased it.
20:29
If you take a look on my Instagram, on my Facebook,
20:32
on my YouTube, the couple of videos I do have,
20:35
you'll see this big ass logo on my chest like
20:37
the Superman ass. If I get on that stage and
20:40
I start talking about, yeah, I was working out,
20:42
you're gonna be like, you lying motherfucker.
20:45
But when I do the joke about when I did work
20:48
out and I was in that bitch using this machine
20:51
like crazy and the dude walked over like, you
20:53
know that's for your legs. No, motherfucker,
20:54
I didn't know it was for my legs. That's probably
20:56
why my back hurt. Like, I didn't know, I didn't
20:59
know. I was at a raggedy gym, all the stickers
21:02
was removed off the device to show you shit.
21:06
And I really was in there like, I was getting
21:08
it in. And my man was like, yo, you know that's
21:11
for your legs, right? No. As a matter of fact,
21:15
I didn't. I sure didn't, but my arms do feel
21:17
a little more buff than they did when I came
21:19
in here. I'm good, man. Now I know why they was
21:23
$5 .99 a month. No instructions. So me, lies,
21:30
deceit, doing people dirty. It's not in my blood.
21:35
It's not in my energy. It's not like who I ride
21:39
alone 93 % of the time. Yeah outside of the lift
21:44
ride some 93 % of time. I'm alone I won't be
21:47
looking over my shoulder wondering if especially
21:50
when I was in Philly Jersey, Delaware Baltimore,
21:52
Maryland DC, Virginia Atlanta I got time to be
21:58
looking over my shoulder man. So whatever whatever
22:01
we came to terms We either can do it, we can't,
22:05
oh yo, something came up. I really can't move
22:07
in that direction right now. Is there a way that
22:09
we can postpone it? Is there a way that we can
22:12
do it differently? Whatever it is, I'm willing
22:14
to talk about it. Let's communicate. Yeah. At
22:18
the end of the day, if we can't, listen, I'd
22:20
rather tell you ahead of time so that you can
22:22
make the necessary adjustments so that you can
22:25
get it done versus... Leads you on all the way
22:29
to where now it becomes tension. Now there's
22:32
a problem. Now I'm an asshole. But most people
22:36
know when they can't. If you told me right now,
22:40
AP, I need you to do a two hour show. Straight
22:43
comedy, make them laugh every 12 seconds. No.
22:47
That's not it's not gonna happen that way I probably
22:50
can get you every 25 seconds the way I tell stories
22:54
But I'm not gonna tell you every 12 like I'm
22:56
not I'm not the set up punch set up punch set
22:59
up punch set up punch guy Yeah, I'm not that
23:01
guy now when I had the opportunity to be that
23:03
guy I tried it and I bowed out real quick. Like
23:07
you know what? I'm gonna keep working on my 10
23:09
,000 hours, which is what I'm doing Yeah, because
23:12
some people are asking like P you've been in
23:14
this you've done this. Why are you not? The comedy
23:18
game needs more individuals who, honest to God,
23:24
wanna put the footwork in. I don't mind going
23:27
to an open mic. It's the gym. I'm working it
23:30
out. I'm working it out. I need to know if I
23:34
say it in this voice versus this voice, if I
23:36
move to the left, to the right, if I stand center
23:39
of the stage, what's the best way I'm gonna get
23:41
the laughter as well as the... the reaction that
23:45
I actually want. You know, I've watched, and
23:49
this is a testament to being in Philadelphia,
23:52
the laugh house, where, shout out to my guy Ture
23:56
Gordon, amazing gentleman, man. I know people
23:59
have their stories about him, but he has to kind
24:02
of be the way he is because he understands that
24:04
people will take advantage and try their best
24:06
to just, you know, use an MFM. So he doesn't
24:10
allow that, and I get it. So that's probably
24:12
why me and him Connect and we feel the way we
24:14
feel about certain things But to Ray Gordon is
24:18
the reason you have Kevin Hart Okay, Kevin Hart
24:22
went in Kevin Hart wanted to be called little
24:26
Kev the bastard. He looked at Kev said I'm not
24:28
calling you that wish your name Kevin Hart they
24:33
started coming down doing different things somebody
24:36
saw him in that particular spot Boom, we have
24:40
Kevin. So I've been around to Ray For years i've
24:43
watched him i've watched buck wild i've watched
24:46
kevin i've watched spank i've watched so many
24:49
comedians god rest his soul there was a comedian
24:51
by the name of sugar bear who I actually used
24:53
to work and promote shows with um richie redding
24:57
out of philly uh Man, well really not out of
25:00
philly, but his comedy career. I guess really
25:02
blew up in philadelphia. Um Shoot I can think
25:06
of dark child young lady this little woman standing
25:09
about this tall will command a room of 10 ,000
25:14
soldiers if you let her. That's how good she
25:16
is. And I watched her do it at a show that we
25:20
had together. Guy Russell, my man Chris Cotton,
25:24
who if you Google him, he passed away a few years
25:28
ago. When I tell you MTV did tributes for this
25:33
brother, like that's how funny he was. He worked
25:35
with a lot of writers. He wrote for a lot of
25:39
people. He did a lot of work. But I've watched
25:42
all of these guys, all these people perfect the
25:45
craft. I feel like I would be disrespectful if
25:49
I just decide to be like, yo, I'm funny. Book
25:53
me now just because I'm funny. No. This is a
25:57
business. This is a skill. You should be thorough
26:01
at it. You should be able to do it. Turn it on,
26:03
turn it off, whenever, however, whenever. And
26:07
that's what I saw all of those individuals I
26:09
named. we're able to do. I feel like where I
26:13
am right now, in the state of comedy, for myself,
26:16
for my mind, for my brain, for my brand, I feel
26:19
like I can cut it on, cut it off, but I haven't
26:23
put in enough leg hours, personally. And I want
26:29
them. I want to, you ever watch or play like
26:33
NBA Live, like story mode or scene it? So like,
26:37
okay, so what they'll do is you'll create the
26:38
player, and it'll be like you're in high school,
26:41
play a couple games, but in the fans you'll see
26:44
added 3 ,000 fans, added 2 ,000 fans. That's
26:47
how I feel about this. Like when I left that
26:49
stage from Vulcan, I think I added 35 new followers
26:55
on Instagram. And you know, like I know, it was
26:59
probably 100 people in there. That's a nice little
27:02
chunk. And then on top of that, at the end of
27:05
the show, Marcus is right there doing his thing.
27:08
I'm just standing at the front, and all these
27:11
people walking over to me like, the one guy I'll
27:13
never forget. Bro! Fucking been to a lot of shows,
27:19
man. I'm gonna fucking tell you. I'm gonna fucking
27:21
tell you. The way you started this shit, your
27:26
energy, man, I've never fucking seen, you know,
27:28
most of the time people open a show. Fucking
27:31
ass, man. They're fucking ass and you're like,
27:34
oh shit, here's the opener. He's fucking garbage.
27:38
But you man, fucking top notch. I was looking
27:42
like, appreciate you. I mean, I know what I can
27:46
bring to the table. And I honestly, I felt a
27:49
little disrespected that they added two extra
27:51
people. Like I was ready to do the 20 minute,
27:57
John, that I had prepared. I was ready. And then
28:01
when I was told that I'm cutting down to five,
28:03
but this the business. This is the business.
28:05
I've seen it. I've been through it before. And
28:09
I was like, all right, well, fuck it. Go out
28:11
there and do what you do. You know what I mean?
28:13
Glad I am. Spend no money on an outfit or a haircut.
28:16
You know what I'm saying? So. I mean, yeah. I
28:18
mean, things are good that you got up there.
28:20
You know what I mean? And then you're building
28:22
a rapport. That's it. So I imagine that, you
28:24
know, they'll probably think of you for. bigger
28:26
shows and everything. Is that your first time
28:28
at Vulcan? That's my first time at Vulcan. I've
28:31
done Velveeta a couple of times. Shout out to
28:36
Velveeta, man. The couple of times I did Velveeta,
28:40
they put me on after like the super darkest comedian
28:46
or comedian like twice. It was two different
28:49
people. But I'm talking like pedophilia jokes.
28:52
I'm talking great robbing jokes. I'm talking
28:55
there was 20 people, 30 people in the room. And
28:58
then by the time I got on stage, it was me and
29:01
the bartender, because everybody left. Was that
29:03
bad? Yes. Oh my god. Yes, both times. That's
29:07
a good old Austin recipe. Yes, it is. So I told
29:11
them the next time I come, I need to go up like.
29:13
third right i don't like if it's a show you can
29:17
believe me last because i know like at a show
29:19
you'll have better stock of comedians but lord
29:23
have mercy man like you know after somebody talk
29:26
about screwing a dog and stuff like that i don't
29:29
even really want to go on stage i don't even
29:31
want to touch that mic Y 'all need to disinfect
29:34
this mic, it's dirty. Did you ever been to Open
29:36
Mic where they had like three or four people
29:39
who talked about that very same thing? Just like
29:42
fucking animals. So I've been here for two years.
29:44
I've been in Austin for two years and then my
29:46
two years of being in Austin, the first year
29:49
I was just creeping in. I would look on the comedy
29:53
Instagram, Austin Comedy, whatever it is. I would
29:57
go in there and I was just creeping the rooms
29:59
and just watch because I was like, all right,
30:01
let me see what the sound is for here because
30:04
I felt like kind of like New York you have so
30:08
many people coming into the city right and out
30:11
of the city and there's so many uh as they call
30:13
them transplants here I didn't know what the
30:16
voice was and I didn't want to get up there and
30:19
I hate to call it this but you know do what they
30:23
term as black comedy because it's like no a story
30:26
is a story no matter if it's coming from a white
30:27
person or a black person right you've driven
30:29
a car You've had a wife, you've had friends with
30:32
dogs, like no matter what, how I tell a story.
30:35
Now I do get what they could possibly be talking
30:39
about, but it's like, I'm not even in that category.
30:42
I'm treading the line of an individual who writes
30:45
a book and I want the left, the right, the upstairs,
30:49
the downstairs, the middle. I want everybody
30:51
to read it. I don't just want one particular
30:53
thing. I'm in there and I'm watching and I'm
30:57
sitting in the back of the room sometimes and
30:59
I'm just like, damn, I feel for the bartender
31:02
who has to hear this shit and make no money because
31:06
half of them broke as fuck so they're not spending
31:08
no money at the bar. You don't even care that
31:12
you tip or give a tip to these people, you know
31:15
what I mean? Then I get booked for a show at
31:19
La Cantina, Flamingo, Flamingo Cantina, something
31:22
like that. Shit, I don't even know where that
31:23
is. Right on six, right? So I get booked for
31:26
this show, I go, I spend $35, I didn't know the
31:30
parking situation downtown, so I'm on the parking
31:32
lot, I spend like 30 something dollars a park.
31:35
I get to the show and the promoter goes, man,
31:40
you know when it rain in Austin, people don't
31:42
come out. I'm like, no, when you don't promote
31:45
anywhere, people don't come out. So it was me
31:50
on the stage, the three musicians for the show
31:53
that he was having. two bartenders, and he like,
31:58
yo, you wanna come outside and help me give away
32:01
flyers? I wish I would do exercise at night after
32:03
I spent $30 apart. Like, I'm not coming out here
32:07
to walk. The people on 6th Street already know
32:09
where they're going. And you can't change they
32:11
mind with this little square piece of paper that
32:13
you shouldn't even have anymore, because you
32:17
should have promoted the hell out of this thing
32:18
to the point that you know you're gonna get 50
32:21
people in the door. You know you're gonna get.
32:24
But the problem that I'm seeing in Austin when
32:27
it comes down to that and it comes to these comedy
32:29
shows and these open mics and all this. They're
32:32
just letting damn near anybody promote. They're
32:35
just damn they're letting anybody get on stage.
32:38
They're just damn near allowing anybody to say
32:40
anything. You don't want any tension. And it's
32:43
like, yo, it's OK to tell somebody. No, not the
32:46
night with that. Yeah. You're going to kill the
32:48
crowd that I do have. And I want I need them
32:50
to come back. I need I need this 20. to all tell
32:54
one person, that's an extra 20, and then that
32:56
20 to tell three people, that's 60, and build
32:59
this thing to where, all right, now if we have
33:02
200 people in the room, 10 % of that 200 might
33:06
want to hear them dark jokes. And if that 20
33:09
people leave, we still got a crowd. Yeah, yeah.
33:14
I do get what you're saying about promoting specificity
33:17
of the specific kind of show, right? I do like
33:20
barking. what I do with barking is I just kind
33:25
of like, I consider it like a warm -up. Like
33:28
when I go out, like I'll just sit there and I'll
33:30
just be spittin' just jokes. You know, just like
33:33
freestyle and just like whatever. And there was
33:36
one time, it was at Narbar. I don't know if you
33:38
ever performed at Narbar. I've heard of it, I
33:40
haven't performed it. Yeah, it's like a freakin'
33:42
punk rock kind of place. It's just like, it's
33:45
sort of like gloves are off, just fuckin' just
33:48
go. Just go crazy, right? And so they were like,
33:51
yeah, man, we'll give you a few minutes if you,
33:53
you know, bark for us. And I was like, yeah,
33:55
sure. So I go in a bark, you know, for a while
33:57
and I got a bunch of people in. And then oddly
34:00
enough, they had like one of those crackheads
34:02
who who kind of like latched on like for some
34:05
reason and just liked my jokes. And so he started
34:07
pulling people in too. Right. And then so we
34:11
go in and there was like maybe like 30 people
34:13
that started with nothing. And then and then
34:16
when I went in, everybody knew me. because I
34:18
was barking. There you go. So they were just
34:20
automatically loose. And that's what an opener
34:23
does. That's what somebody who you set, you're
34:26
setting the stage as an opener. Yeah. I would
34:28
love to actually be able to be on tour with somebody
34:32
and I'm just the opener. I wouldn't have a problem
34:35
with that for a year. Who would you go on tour
34:37
with? Man, listen, almost anybody, honest to
34:41
God, anybody. I'd do any of the guys from like...
34:44
Pause because I know what the Internet's gonna
34:46
do with that Yeah, I would go I would go on tour
34:51
with any of the gentlemen from like the 85 South
34:55
show I love Carlos Chico being DC young fly.
35:00
I love their energy. There's a young cat mojo
35:03
Brooks I like the way he he does things, you
35:06
know I'm saying in relation to the comedy and
35:09
his bits and his his timing and even his crowd
35:11
work I'm blocking on his name right now, but
35:16
there's there's a heavier gentleman that wears
35:18
a hat he sits on the on on on like a stool and
35:23
he does a lot of crowd work and I actually it's
35:26
crazy. I can't think of his name right now, but
35:28
uh Somebody, I was in the airport and somebody
35:30
thought I was him and I'm like, no, it's not
35:32
me, bro. And I actually gave him my card, like,
35:35
no, I'm Cousin Paul, I'm not, dang, what is it?
35:38
His name gonna pop up in the middle of the, like,
35:40
the rest of us talking. It's always like that.
35:42
I'm gonna throw it out there. But, uh, if Cedric
35:46
the Entertainer was to ever go on tour, I would
35:48
love to open up. Oh my gosh, he was great. Somebody
35:50
like, uh, my good guy, D .L. Hughley, who I...
35:55
I met DL a few times, one particular time in
35:59
Atlantic City, New Jersey. I go to his show,
36:01
and then after the show, I'm a firm believer
36:04
in just walk in and act like you belong. So I
36:07
literally just walk backstage and act like I
36:09
belong. And the next thing I know, I'm sitting
36:11
down there smoking cigars with DL Hughley. He
36:13
done kicked his shoes off. We're talking comedy.
36:15
We're talking life. We're talking everything.
36:17
And then he starts talking. This was 2020. 18?
36:26
Dang, did y 'all talk about the kings of comedy?
36:28
2017, 2017, 2018. Did we talk kings of comedy?
36:33
Nah, we just, like, I was just doing what I was
36:35
doing, just shooting the shit. And he was like,
36:38
yo, just keep getting on stage. And he kept,
36:40
he also said out of his mouth, do those open
36:43
mics, do those free shows, just continue getting
36:47
the time. If you're going towards this 10 ,000
36:49
hours that they say you need to be a pro at most
36:51
things, All of these minutes count, and you can't,
36:55
you don't count the hour it took you to get there,
36:57
because you didn't do any jokes, you're not on
36:58
stage. But like, every time I do a show, I did
37:03
five, I did 10, I did 15, I did 20, I did five,
37:05
I did seven, I did three, I did this, that, and
37:07
the third. Like the first time at Velveeta was
37:09
three minutes. I flew all the way from Philadelphia
37:12
to here for three minutes, and then there was
37:14
nobody in the room left, but hey, I gotta clock
37:17
these three minutes. I had a good time doing
37:20
it, and... They're actually still following me,
37:23
but it was a lady by the name of Alicia and her
37:26
husband from New Zealand. They were left in the
37:30
back and they followed me when it was over on
37:32
Instagram. So they've been following me ever
37:34
since, you know what I'm saying? So, you know,
37:37
while obviously you want to add 40, 50 people
37:40
per show, if the promoter is not getting 50 to
37:44
100 to 300 to 600 people in a room, your odds
37:47
are very slim to none of doing that. You know
37:49
what I mean? And just before we cut that down
37:53
on the promoters here, I need promoters in Austin,
37:57
Texas to understand. And if you have 3 ,000 Facebook,
38:00
Instagram, friends, only 10 % of them are really
38:04
paying attention to what you're doing. And then
38:07
out of that 10%, 10 % of 3 ,000 is 300. Out of
38:11
that 10%, that 300 is gonna see over 100 ,000
38:14
things before the date of your show. So you have
38:18
to actually remind them damn near daily. They
38:22
might call it spam, they might call it whatever,
38:24
but as a good buddy of mine who I was able to
38:28
sit and listen to Shaquille O 'Neal talk, it
38:30
was like a business meeting for I think HP and
38:36
Shaq was talking about advertising on the call.
38:39
We have to put it in front of people as much
38:42
as possible. It does not matter. The more they
38:44
see it, the more they'll remember us. Now, I
38:47
want you to think about that. Shaquille O 'Neal
38:49
is in how many commercials right now that you
38:50
can count. You probably would lose all your fingers,
38:53
all your toes, probably if you can't point. Because
38:55
he's everywhere. And why? Because he understands
38:58
that the more I'm in front of you, the more you'll
39:01
support what I'm doing. Didn't he do a commercial
39:03
with the General Auto insurance? General Auto.
39:05
He's now doing Home Depot. Not Bricklink, Invicta.
39:11
He's a part owner of that. Reebok. He's owner
39:13
of that. His retail group owns all the rights
39:17
to Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe. No shit. I
39:21
didn't know that. I know he does shit with Walmart.
39:24
Walmart, Papa John's, Rogaine. I don't know if
39:28
that's true. No, it's not Rogaine. It's not Rogaine.
39:32
Damn, what is it? What is it? What is it? Icy
39:34
Hot. I see your back. Yeah, uh the sleep study
39:38
now because he has sleep apnea Like it's like
39:41
yo, he he was like i'm dying, but I still gotta
39:44
make money You know what i'm saying? Like i'm
39:47
dying in my sleep. I don't really sleep but when
39:50
I do sleep i'm dying in it, but How can I make
39:54
money off of me dying in my sleep and now boom?
39:57
Yeah, you know what i'm saying? And then uh,
39:59
he has the chicken spots You know what i'm saying?
40:02
Uh, I didn't know about that. Yeah, you got like
40:04
the barbecue chicken spots That's why he's always
40:06
some barbecue chicken like that Like he the man
40:10
knows how to make money. Yeah, you have to put
40:12
yourself in front of people So here's the deal
40:14
if you are a promoter in the city of austin if
40:16
you are a promoter in the united states of america
40:18
If you are a comedian if you are a musician if
40:21
you are a clothing designer If you are a realtor,
40:25
whatever you do Continue putting yourself in
40:29
front of as many people as possible. Why? They
40:32
have to see you to remember you. There's too
40:36
many impressions going around. You say, hey,
40:39
I'm having an event on May 29th of 2026. And
40:43
today is April the 26th. That's too many days
40:47
gone by for me to remember that you said that
40:50
one thing. But if you did a video today, and
40:53
you did another one on Monday, then another one
40:55
on Wednesday, and every Monday and Wednesday
40:57
all the way to the show, and or you sold tickets,
41:01
and or you gave away something, and or you came
41:04
creative with, hey, maybe posting jokes or clips
41:07
from the musicians or whatever that you're doing.
41:10
If you're selling houses, you're putting up beautiful
41:12
pictures of the house, whatever it is, now you're
41:15
embedding memories, and when you embed memories,
41:18
people will come. That's just my little having
41:21
a degree in marketing. This is a small part of
41:23
my life. So with your degree in marketing, let's
41:27
say somebody's following you around personally.
41:31
If somebody's following you around, what would
41:33
be the most surprising thing about you that they
41:35
would find out? I'm willing to help damn near
41:38
anybody without a fee being attached to it. I
41:42
want to see people win, man. If I could see this
41:47
podcast, jump from just being known on Instagram
41:51
to now you are being streamed on YouTube, to
41:54
now you're being streamed on Netflix, to now
41:57
you're being streamed on, you know, one of the,
42:01
I say Barstool Sports. And I'm able to help by
42:06
just pushing, pushing, pushing. Yo, tune in,
42:09
tune in. What does that hurt me? Right, yeah.
42:12
if you actually are giving great content, good
42:15
situation, good energy, then now people will
42:18
look at me like, yo, we can actually listen to
42:20
Cousin Paul because when he does give information,
42:23
it's decent information. But if I saw your product,
42:29
your business or whatever still needed some help
42:32
to be placed in front of the masses, well, let's
42:36
work on that first. I am the type of person who,
42:40
if you do a squiggly circle, is like, yo, this
42:44
is what you started with. Don't worry, we can
42:47
get it to a full circle where it connects at
42:49
some point. You gotta work towards that. Again,
42:52
that's putting in hours. That's putting in the
42:53
work. That's learning the craft. That's figuring
42:56
it out. That's earning your talent. Earning your
42:58
talent. A lot of people feel like, oh man, I
43:00
woke up this morning and I made the lady at the
43:03
doctor's office laugh. I'm gonna be the next,
43:06
no you're not. She probably was like, his breath
43:10
stinks, he don't know it. Like you have no idea.
43:12
It takes work, you know. It's a lot of work.
43:15
How has your jokes evolved throughout the years?
43:21
Very first large show, Philadelphia. There was
43:27
600 people in that room. 600 person room? 600
43:29
people in that room. Who was the headliner? The
43:32
headliner was Smokey Suarez. Smokey Suarez? Out
43:35
of, I think he's out of Philly, but he works
43:37
a lot in New York. Oh, okay. Wow. Holy shit,
43:41
that's a lot. So I did the show that I was supposed,
43:44
no, no, no. I didn't do the show that I was supposed
43:49
to do when my brother got, when my brother was
43:51
killed. And then fast forward May to June, Father's
43:57
Day weekend, me and my dad and my brother go
44:00
to the grave. lay some flowers for my brother,
44:03
then we go to dinner. I was asked to do like
44:06
an open mic that night at a place called Mill
44:09
Creek Tavern in Philly. So the guy was like,
44:13
well, you know, I know you didn't do the first
44:15
one, but if you want, you can have five minutes
44:17
on this. I'm like, all right, cool. So I show
44:19
up. This is actually, I think this was still
44:21
on, I believe that show was still on YouTube.
44:26
So. I go and I do it, and I start out by, you
44:30
know, hey, this is Father's Day. This would have
44:32
been my brother's first real Father's Day, but
44:35
obviously he's not here anymore. You know, I
44:37
shared a story. So now I got everybody. So then
44:40
I go right into this material. And I got a couple
44:43
of chuckles. I got a decent amount of chuckles.
44:45
Like, the video's up, so it's not like I can
44:47
lie. What kind of jokes were you telling then?
44:49
It was about credit. I really hated my girlfriend
44:52
at the time. Yeah. Was it like just a set up,
44:55
like set up punchline? Set up punchline, but
44:57
then it was, it was, it was a few stories. It
44:59
was like, uh, my credit score is better because
45:03
of her, you know, cause she, she's showing up.
45:06
She's showing up with finance and life for me
45:08
to a point. And, um, you know, she, she, she,
45:11
she just got on my nerves. She was one of the
45:14
relationships that it was like, uh, she was like
45:17
on 12 step program to being a better man. I had
45:21
to use her as the steps to get to the top. And
45:24
then, you know, once it was all over, you know,
45:26
we kind of we kind of reconciled a little bit
45:27
as friends, but we damn sure wasn't wasn't good
45:31
at being boyfriend, girlfriend. So the jokes
45:35
were set up punch. It was about. My background,
45:40
15 years as a teacher in either the school district
45:44
of Philadelphia or private schools. Oh, wow.
45:47
And then I own daycare centers in Philly. You
45:50
own daycare centers? So I owned, 20 years. 1999,
45:52
we shut down the day that the pandemic started,
45:55
and then we never reopened. Wow. Literally, I
45:57
owned daycares. I ran centers. People in the
46:00
city of Philadelphia know me from owning daycares,
46:04
doing real estate, promoting the parties, managing
46:08
the rappers. In Philadelphia, when I would move
46:12
around, it was hard to move around without running
46:16
into somebody I knew. or somebody who wanted
46:19
to talk to me about something and it was like,
46:21
yo, I just want to have a drink tonight. Yeah.
46:24
I just want to have dinner. You just want to
46:25
relax. Just want to, you know, almost almost.
46:29
likened it to what Eminem was saying. Like, I
46:31
just want to sit with my fucking daughter. You
46:33
know what I mean? Like, I didn't have kids at
46:34
the time, but Em was like, yo, like, just let
46:37
me enjoy this moment. Did you see that thing
46:40
about him, like, where he goes and I think Haley,
46:44
it was a prom, and then he just, like, stuck
46:46
his head out just so he can watch, or no, no,
46:48
it was homecoming. He just stuck his head. It's
46:50
the only thing he could do. Yeah. Because he
46:51
was like, you know, he's so damn famous. He was
46:53
in a classroom watching on like a TV or something.
46:55
And then he just like went to go like grab the
46:57
memory real quick. I was like, it's crazy. That's
47:01
crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. OK. It got to the point
47:05
in the city of Philadelphia. And my best friend
47:07
to tell you, I had a car that had like I was
47:11
feeling myself. I'm not going to lie. I had like
47:13
logos on the car on the plate and everything.
47:16
Yeah, man. And we're at a mall. I was at the
47:19
mall called the King of Prussia Mall. This mall
47:20
is huge. Yeah, so I'm in the mall and then I
47:25
get a DM because I think I think Instagram was
47:28
really like starting to pop I get a DM and I
47:30
was like, yo, I saw your car. Where you at in
47:32
the mall? Shit. Yeah, very next day. I took that
47:37
car to the dealer traded in and got me a Nissan
47:40
Maxima. Hell yeah. It's like, yeah, I'm good
47:45
because now nobody and then I deep dark tinted
47:49
the windows that way you couldn't Because I felt
47:52
like shit, like people know who I am and where
47:55
I am. And if somebody decides that they want
47:59
to see if I'm worth what it looks like, I could
48:04
be putting myself in potential danger. You know
48:06
what I mean? And I didn't want that at all. It
48:08
was like, I don't want, you know, because while
48:11
yes, I had businesses and I had things that was
48:14
making money, what people weren't looking at
48:16
was how I was running my business. So my daycare,
48:19
for instance, 20 years out of 20 years. I made
48:23
40 ,000 do the math on that that's only 20 ,000
48:26
a year Why did I only take 20 ,000 a year? Well,
48:30
the one thing that you'll notice and know about
48:33
anybody who's a teacher What do they complain
48:35
about how much they're paid? Yeah, I made sure
48:39
that my teachers my staff Whoever was in the
48:42
building was paid top -notch that way. I wouldn't
48:45
have turnover Like everybody else because when
48:49
people are paid they happy yeah, okay I only
48:52
make 20 grand, but I also have other outlets
48:55
so it might be 20 grand from this But then I'm
48:57
going 20 grand from this and I'm going 20 grand
49:00
from that and then I'm making 40 in the school
49:02
district Yeah, I'm doing all right. I heard something
49:05
about that about a guy who did something similar
49:07
with them in his restaurant Yeah, you have to
49:10
he paid a I want to say that he actually gave
49:12
him like I think it was like 70 grand a year
49:14
or something like that You know, and it was,
49:16
you know, that's just. You probably had the best
49:18
servers. You probably have the best line cooks.
49:21
You probably have the best. And they're going.
49:23
And guess what? Because they know if I lose this
49:26
and I got to go over to over to Bob's Big Boys,
49:30
I'm going to make minimum wage. I'm going to
49:32
be treated like crap. I'm probably not going
49:34
to get the tips. I'm not going to get the type
49:36
of type of clientele. It's going to feel like
49:39
shit every day at work. You're not going to leave.
49:41
You're going to feel like, damn, I really screwed
49:43
up. Yeah. And. So for me, in business, it's always
49:48
been, take care of everybody, you're going to
49:50
be good on the back end. Yeah, I have kind of
49:53
the same mentality because I have dreams and
49:55
ideas about where I want this to go. This is
49:58
sort of like the root, but it's going to turn
50:00
into something soon. And the whole thing is to
50:04
do just that very thing, because I'm like, man.
50:07
If there's something that I'm successful with
50:11
and I'm of the success that I can bring people
50:13
with me, I'm like, I just want to bring people
50:15
with me and I want to take care of them. Like,
50:18
get people out of it because it sucks. It's an
50:21
absolute must to make sure that those around
50:25
you are taken care of if they are helping you
50:29
with your dream. Yeah. You know what I mean?
50:32
Like, lo and behold, like I said, I got here,
50:34
I'm in Texas, I'm trying to find good jobs, whatever.
50:37
And I'm gonna be real, man, I did, so far I think
50:40
it's 160 applications. I've had like 14 interviews.
50:46
Out of those 14 interviews, 10 times I was told
50:49
I'm over -qualified. I'm like, gee, a job, bro.
50:51
I just would prefer a job over doing Lyft, you
50:54
know what I mean? If I know I can make $1 ,300
50:58
a week by going to this job, then that's better
51:01
than... Fishing around for rides and trying to
51:05
make there. Yeah, we okay cool. So it didn't
51:08
work out that way then the other four I think
51:12
I probably did shoot a little higher than what
51:13
I should have but you know, it's alright I got
51:16
to the interview. So obviously you saw someone
51:18
a resume. Yeah, you know, whatever whatever but
51:20
uh The one job that really took me off though.
51:24
I go a lot to you Enterprise rental car man,
51:27
like I'm like I can't It was overqualified to
51:30
rent a car. Like I press a couple buttons and
51:32
what the hell I run their credit card. If you
51:35
think right like What told me I was overqualified
51:39
I'm like, I don't know that's fucking insane.
51:41
So but then I went into an enterprise, you know,
51:44
I'm like that's you're doing lift That's like
51:46
your whole thing, but I wouldn't I wouldn't enterprise
51:48
down in San Marcos and I saw the two guys that
51:52
was there I was like, okay, you guys one of some
51:55
college kids with no experience who really don't
51:57
give a damn and if you fire them, oh well. You
52:00
know what I mean? Disposable people. Disposable
52:02
people. I kept trying to tell people, even during
52:07
the interview, I'm like, I don't want your job.
52:09
Whoever's interviewing me, don't look at it like
52:12
I'm coming, I don't want your job, I just want
52:15
income. So that I don't have to do silly crap.
52:19
You're just trying to survive. That's it. But
52:21
I've been able to. Like literally I get the text
52:24
almost every week. You've made more than most
52:27
Lyft drivers, but I done figured out the game.
52:29
I done figured out where to go, where to be,
52:30
how to be there, and get the maximum dollar,
52:33
whatever, whatever. And I also learned how to
52:36
get the tips, cash and or on the app. I figured
52:38
out what to say, how to say it, how to keep the
52:42
car, you know what I mean? Hey, it's been working
52:45
out for me. You probably looked at my IG. You'll
52:50
see the commercial at the top for Pair of Thieves.
52:52
That came off of an Uber ride when I was working
52:54
for Uber. I literally picked up a guy, and it
52:58
was cold in Austin. And I'm in shorts and a t
53:02
-shirt. It was 70. And my man's bundled down
53:05
with a scarf on and a scully hat. I'm like, bro,
53:09
it's really not that cold. We're talking. And
53:12
I'm like so we get where you're going and he
53:13
goes, uh, yeah i'm producing this commercial
53:15
tonight today here in uh, austin and it was january
53:19
2020 um, uh 2024 2023 2024 So I drop them off
53:28
and before I drive them off I get I always keep
53:30
my car in the car i'm like yo If you guys need
53:31
any extras, let me know. Yeah, I literally go
53:34
to the next ride And my phone starts ringing
53:38
as I'm picking up the people, like they're getting
53:39
in the car. And I'm like, hold on real quick
53:41
for me. I'm talking. And when I got off the phone,
53:44
the rider was like, oh my God, you're going to
53:46
be in a commercial. They're like, yo, our main
53:49
person dropped out. Can you come? Yeah. When
53:51
you need me. They said, can you be here in an
53:53
hour? I sure can. I looked. Their ride was four
53:55
minutes. I dropped them off. There was a church
53:58
somewhere near here. It was like a Catholic church.
54:01
I dropped them off. I cut the app off. I ran
54:04
to my house. took the quickest shower, but I
54:07
hit all the hot points, got dressed, came back,
54:11
boom. I'm right there prominently in the commercial
54:14
for a pair of thieves underwear. Now I did ask
54:16
them, can I take my clothes off and show off
54:18
the underwear, but they didn't want that. They
54:20
just wanted me to catch the underwear. I would
54:22
have been like, yes. I'm like, take them off.
54:27
Dude, I love pair of thieves, man. Softest underwear
54:30
ever. They're amazing. Yeah pair of thieves.
54:32
Look at that. I keep bringing all up this fan
54:34
I made 200 bucks for like an hour worth of work,
54:38
which you know shit, you know, it's like our
54:40
work, but then The commercial actually aired
54:43
and I'm getting texts from people around the
54:45
country like yo peas that you Yeah, that's me.
54:48
That's cool. I tried I tried to tell them put
54:52
let me put a pair on they sell out Dude yeah,
54:55
there was a time at Target because I went and
54:57
I would go get like the two -pack and then and
55:00
then yeah, dude There was a time I was like man.
55:02
They're just not a target anymore, but that's
55:04
where I got him wrong Yeah, you know I think
55:06
they're at Walmart pretty much, I want to say
55:09
exclusively, either there or their website, but
55:12
that pair of thieves or something about them
55:13
underwear, man, they're freaking amazing. So
55:16
I got that commercial, and then from there I
55:19
got a commercial for, it was like a real estate
55:23
commercial, one of those. The hell's the name
55:26
of it? I've never even seen it. I know I was
55:27
there. It was funny. I was the token black guy
55:29
at this cookout. No shit. Were you the one cooking
55:32
though? No, it was Shaq. No, you weren't the
55:34
one cooking? I was just there talking. It was
55:36
like two Caucasian ladies, and I'm just standing
55:38
there. And this is pretty much what we're doing,
55:40
like this, while they're shooting a real commercial,
55:41
and we're just in the background doing this.
55:43
So we're literally saying stuff like... So where
55:45
did you get the best drink in Philly? And I was
55:48
just like, oh, you can go to the such bar in
55:50
Philadelphia. I was like, but this is our conversation
55:53
while they're shooting the real shit, but you
55:55
can't hear what we're saying because we're in
55:57
the background. But I was the black guy in the
56:01
back of this cookout. I was like, I don't care.
56:04
40 minutes of work and you make $200. I was like,
56:08
okay, cool. So my first two commercials made
56:11
me $400. I put it in the account. all of the
56:15
day. I've been, Michael Druck, if he would just
56:19
go ahead and hire me and put me on his list.
56:23
I'm Cousin Paul. I am America's favorite cousin.
56:25
I don't care what nobody says. I just need to
56:27
be cast as the cousin. I'm a good cousin, man.
56:31
I'm the guy you can talk to. I'm gonna give you
56:34
some answers. I might even just listen to you
56:36
and let you hear what you're saying, because
56:38
you probably already answered your question and
56:40
what you're saying, but because it's in here,
56:43
You can't really hear it, but once you say it
56:46
out loud, it's like, damn, I did kind of just
56:49
answer myself. Yes, you did. I'm glad I was able
56:52
to help. I'm a listening ear, man. That's just
56:57
me being me, though, because you got to be you
56:59
at all times. Be you. There you go. It's right
57:02
here. There you go. I used to do extras. I used
57:07
to be an extra or whatever. There was a show.
57:10
It was very short -lived. It was with Cole Hauser.
57:14
from Yellowstone and Anthony Anderson. And yeah,
57:20
it was, what's the show called? Oh, Kville. It
57:23
was called Kville. And in my current job, I'm
57:26
an EMT. And ironically, like I was an EMT on
57:31
the show, right? And they had this one scene,
57:34
it was like the typical scene. Foretelling, man.
57:36
Foretelling. I know, right? It's weird, right?
57:39
But they had this one scene where we had to do
57:42
the... the thing where, you know, you bust through
57:44
the hospital doors and you're running down the
57:46
hall and like, you know, everybody's like, is
57:48
he going to be all right? And all that stuff
57:50
like that. And and so we were about to do that
57:53
scene. The director yelled action. And I go to
57:57
I was in the back of the stretcher and I go to
58:00
push the stretcher and it wasn't moving. And
58:03
he was like, action. And I was like, oh, no,
58:05
I was like, what the I'm looking at the wheels.
58:07
I'm looking at everything. And I want to at this
58:09
time, I didn't know shit about stretchers. You
58:11
know, and I was like, what the fuck is going
58:12
on, dude? And all of a sudden the doors fly open.
58:16
They go, cut! What is going on? And Anthony Anderson,
58:19
who is right there behind me, he starts laughing
58:21
his fucking ass off because he was holding a
58:23
stretcher. I was like, dude, only one of us here
58:28
will lose our jobs, bro. I was like, dude. I
58:34
mean, you know. I was like, I'm not really an
58:36
extra. You're about to turn me into a minus,
58:38
bro. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. But yeah, no, there
58:42
was a, you know, doing that extra stuff was really
58:44
good. I got to meet Denzel Washington, and I
58:46
was the biggest of Denzel. Denzel? Denzel? His
58:48
name is really Denzel. Denzel. I didn't know
58:51
that. But because people say Denzel, he just
58:54
rolled with it. But his name is actually Denzel.
58:56
Denzel. Oh, dude, thank you for telling me. You
58:59
might actually appreciate this more than anybody.
59:01
Go ahead. Let's talk. So, dude, you'll never
59:04
believe a movie I just saw for the first time
59:07
like a month ago. All right. Hit me with it.
59:10
Training Day. That's not a bad one. It's not
59:13
a bad one. I can give you one worse than that
59:15
for myself. But tell me why you didn't see it,
59:18
then I'll tell you. It just didn't look like
59:21
up my alley kind of thing. And I think what it
59:23
was was, you remember that movie with Christian
59:25
Bale called Harsh Times? No. I'll have to check
59:30
that one out. It's just one of those LA gangster
59:32
movies. That kind of thing, just like a gangster
59:35
movie kind of thing going on. And I just never
59:37
really been appealed by that. It's just mostly
59:40
the LA thing. LA doesn't really appeal to me.
59:45
That's a good thing. Yeah, it's not a bad thing.
59:48
So training day, I guess Because of the I guess
59:52
the genre I was like, you know, I never watch
59:54
it dude. It's literally my top one of my top
59:56
five business It's an amazing movie. It's amazing
59:59
movie. I was like dude I was blown like dude
1:00:02
me and my girlfriend afterwards. We're like,
1:00:04
what the fuck was that? You're like, oh my god.
1:00:08
That movie was amazing. Like it was just it really
1:00:12
was training day is one of those I don't want
1:00:14
to call it sleeper films, but if you definitely
1:00:18
aren't a Denzel or Denzel fan, or you haven't
1:00:23
followed him, or you're just not into certain...
1:00:26
That movie gets put in a box probably with Boys
1:00:29
in the Hood or something like that, but it's
1:00:31
not that. No, it's not that. It's not that. But
1:00:33
because you see certain elements in the clips
1:00:37
in the... It'll make somebody think, ah, just
1:00:40
another gangsta ass movie with black people in
1:00:42
it. No, it's actually deeper than that. It's
1:00:44
a lot deeper than that. It is really deep. It's
1:00:46
a whole lot deeper than that. And there's an
1:00:49
appreciation for movies like that. And this is
1:00:53
something that I've learned over the past. I
1:00:55
just turned 44. And I'm thinking to myself, like,
1:00:59
I got to go back and watch a couple of movies
1:01:01
because I'm pretty sure the meanings of some
1:01:04
of the things that they're saying is some of
1:01:06
the things. that were going on are going to mean
1:01:08
something totally different to me now that I've
1:01:11
had life experience than what I saw when I was
1:01:14
18, 19, 20. I didn't know anything. It was just
1:01:19
entertainment. Oh, that's dope. Oh, look how
1:01:20
he shot him and threw him over the balcony. But
1:01:23
now it's like... See why you shot over the balcony
1:01:27
price been 30 grand on this record career You
1:01:30
better hope that you don't slip off It means
1:01:47
something different give my money after you spent
1:01:50
some money spent some time put your heart into
1:01:52
something and somebody does something to you
1:01:54
and it's like, like you can't even die regular.
1:01:58
It has to be a special death. You know what I
1:02:00
mean? We're going to feed you to the dogs, bro.
1:02:05
So my movie, and I probably would have lost my
1:02:09
black card back in the day in all honesty. First
1:02:11
off, I went to a historically black college university,
1:02:15
chain university, 1837. It's supposed to be and
1:02:19
it's a fight about it, but we're not fighting
1:02:21
about it. We're the number one HBCU in the country.
1:02:26
Like we're number one. Not like in rank or anything.
1:02:29
We were the first HBCU. So I go to HBCU and I
1:02:34
had never seen School Days. I don't think I've
1:02:37
ever seen either. Let me write that down. School
1:02:39
Days, it is D -A -Z -E, produced by Spike Lee
1:02:44
and it's all about the fraternal life. on a historically
1:02:47
black campus, as well as the politics of living
1:02:52
on a historically black, going to school on a
1:02:55
historically black campus and things like that.
1:02:57
But I had never seen it. So I get on campus and,
1:03:02
you know, the Q's, the Kappa's, the Delta's,
1:03:06
the Divine Nine, all of them, I'm seeing it,
1:03:09
but it's not resonating with me until... Maybe
1:03:13
like a year in when I finally learn their history
1:03:16
and everything. Oh, okay. This is cool This is
1:03:18
something worse possibly, you know supporting
1:03:21
or whatever I never really had an interest because
1:03:25
I have I have brothers, you know, and then I
1:03:28
have friends already and I'm not good wearing
1:03:33
one color Like yeah, I'm not trying to be a smart
1:03:37
ass But like the cues are purple and gold the
1:03:39
cabas are red and white the iotas are like Brown
1:03:43
and yellow. And then that's a whole fraternity
1:03:46
thing. Like that's their color. So now you kind
1:03:49
of pigeonholed a little bit that once you go
1:03:52
over, you kind of wear something or whatever
1:03:55
with that. So now if I want to be flying my red
1:03:58
and white new Jordans, but I'm a cue. Oh, it's
1:04:04
not even like it's gonna be an attitude or a
1:04:06
problem. Like I don't want to see that. But for
1:04:08
me, I just was like, it felt like Like what you
1:04:11
said, it felt like gang shit to me. Like, oh
1:04:14
yeah, like that's what it kind of felt like.
1:04:17
It felt like that. But here's the other part.
1:04:19
And let me, let me back up because I know I'm
1:04:21
gonna get criticized. When I went to school in
1:04:24
1999, I was 17 when I walked into college. I
1:04:28
literally graduated high school a month after
1:04:33
turning 17. So I turned 17 in April, graduated
1:04:36
high school and then I started college at 17.
1:04:39
So I'm young, I don't really like, I know stuff,
1:04:43
but I don't know shit, I'm 17. Like when I would
1:04:46
tell girls on campus I'm 17, they're like, oh,
1:04:49
I'm gonna show you some things, and boy, well,
1:04:50
I'm willing to let you show me whatever you want.
1:04:53
Right, teach me. And I was thinner, I played
1:04:59
sports, and lo and behold, when I turned 18,
1:05:05
And this is how I got into the real estate stuff.
1:05:08
When I turned 18, me and my mother was in a car
1:05:10
accident. My eighth grade year, this guy rear
1:05:13
-ended us. We were on our way to the high school
1:05:15
fair, and I hurt my knee really bad. So I didn't
1:05:18
play basketball, ninth grade year rehabbing.
1:05:22
And when I turned 18, my mother and father never
1:05:25
told me. They never said anything to me. When
1:05:27
I turned 18, my mom was like, let's go to lunch.
1:05:29
I go to lunch with my mom. And we're downtown
1:05:31
feeling like, well, how did you pick downtown?
1:05:32
I was like, nowhere to park, whatever. So I'll
1:05:34
shut up. We go to lunch. Then she goes into this
1:05:36
building. She's like, I got a meeting. I want
1:05:38
you to sit in on it. The lawyer's office was
1:05:41
my check from the accident on my 18th birthday.
1:05:45
So now I'm 18 with some money. Oh, shit, dude.
1:05:49
Back on campus with a car, money. Yeah. I got
1:05:54
influence now. I'm an original influencer because
1:05:57
now I can say, all right, well, I ain't eating
1:06:00
at the cab. That's trash. Can I ask how much?
1:06:02
Is it rude? It was like 40 grand. Damn, dude.
1:06:06
I wouldn't know what to do if I was 18. I put
1:06:08
it. I put 30 away and I took 10 and I literally
1:06:13
stretched that 10 through the last three years
1:06:15
of college. But that 30 went towards buying the
1:06:19
first property. You know what I'm saying? And
1:06:21
then from there. You played it smart. I had to.
1:06:24
I was older brother. Not only am I the older
1:06:26
brother. I've seen a lot of people lose Yeah,
1:06:29
I've got uncles who are who are fucking losers
1:06:31
like sorry like but it's the truth like I have
1:06:34
a joke right now and it's like if the Illuminati
1:06:37
was like you could be a billionaire tomorrow
1:06:39
Which uncle you want? I got him which one you
1:06:42
want me to sacrifice. I got one of those shit
1:06:45
I got no they don't like nobody missed these
1:06:48
motherfuckers like I will whatever it takes like
1:06:51
that's the joke, but it's real like because My
1:06:55
mother is a stone -cold motherfucking hustler.
1:07:01
I watch my mother work her job, do hair, sell
1:07:09
costume jewelry. During Christmas, she would
1:07:12
take a wire hanger, take the paper off, turn
1:07:15
it into a circle, take yarn, tootsie rolls. They
1:07:19
call them footsies, the different color, different
1:07:21
flavors. She would... twist them on and make
1:07:25
candy fucking wreaths out of them shits. She
1:07:29
would make about 100 of them, sell them at about
1:07:31
$20 a piece, people would custom order, oh I
1:07:33
want this strawberry, the bon bon joints, I want
1:07:36
that, or I want this. And she would get the candy,
1:07:39
she would make them, say she sold 100 of them
1:07:41
at $20, that's the two grand she's using to buy
1:07:44
her Christmas gifts. Oh damn, that's a wonderful
1:07:46
woman right there, man. She was off on Tuesday,
1:07:49
she would drop us off at school, say 8 a .m.,
1:07:52
drive from Philadelphia to New York, go to Canal
1:07:55
Street, get the costume jewelry, drive back to
1:07:58
Philadelphia, she got about an hour, hour and
1:07:59
a half, hit a couple hair salons, sell the costume
1:08:02
jewelry, then be right at the door to pick us
1:08:04
up from school. That's a hustlin' motherfucker.
1:08:07
She now has her property portfolio, we own the
1:08:12
building that we did the daycare, we took care
1:08:15
of that. She does right now mobile notary. She's
1:08:22
69. She just turned 69 April 24 20s of birthday.
1:08:26
So she's getting high on this thing called life
1:08:28
without marijuana She literally you can't stop
1:08:33
my mom from starting doing Going after a business
1:08:38
or a business idea I hear it and that's where
1:08:41
I got it from like I yeah, I learned early Nice
1:08:46
no 11th grade year I went to a high school, it
1:08:50
was called Parkway program, it was called Parkway,
1:08:53
schooled out walls. Like we were able to go off
1:08:55
campus, it was pretty much like a college situation,
1:08:58
but a high school. We called all the teachers
1:09:00
by first name. So it was Cathy, it was like,
1:09:03
this is how, this was the culture that they had
1:09:05
started back in the 60s. My uncle Warren, God
1:09:08
rest his soul, was a student. My cousin Carlton
1:09:11
was a student. So we all like, I'm family legend
1:09:14
into this thing. One morning, I'm like, yo, I
1:09:19
just want pizza today for lunch. So I like, mom,
1:09:22
can I get five dollars for pizza? I don't know
1:09:24
what the fuck was going on, but finances must
1:09:27
have been tight in the bitch, and I'm an adult
1:09:29
now, so I know. It's been moments where you,
1:09:31
five dollars, you're like, man, I ain't fucking
1:09:33
got it. Yeah. My mom walked in the room, she's
1:09:35
looking at my face. She said, you know what the
1:09:37
fuck I used to have to do for lunch money? I
1:09:39
was like, what? I saw weed. I was just like,
1:09:42
god damn. So, uh, what do you want me to do with
1:09:46
this? Because I'm fuck I'm literal like if you
1:09:53
tell me Like so am I getting the five or not?
1:09:58
So she wound up giving me like four dollars or
1:10:00
something like that And I'm like, so are you
1:10:02
asking me or giving me permission to go out and
1:10:05
shut up boy? I'm just letting you know that you
1:10:08
know, I wasn't able to just ask for money. Okay,
1:10:10
I get it. I get the point So from from literally
1:10:14
like that point forward and even though before
1:10:16
that The number one thing that I know that's
1:10:19
lacking in family and community and everything
1:10:22
is nobody's Afraid to embarrass their parents
1:10:25
anymore or their family anymore So I couldn't
1:10:28
imagine being that guy who just does something
1:10:31
so obnoxious So crazy so out of pocket to where
1:10:36
it brings embarrassment to my mother my father
1:10:39
The rest of the family, even if some of them
1:10:41
are idiots, let them be the embarrassment. I
1:10:44
don't want to be a part of that conversation.
1:10:45
Yeah. So when it came down to managing money,
1:10:48
making money, running business, doing whatever,
1:10:50
like I said, 20 years on a daycare, my mother
1:10:53
was the proprietor. She started it. I just jumped
1:10:56
into the business and helped her do everything
1:10:58
that was necessary. First off, I was the one
1:11:00
with the college degree. When you have a college
1:11:02
degree, you can be the director, you can be the
1:11:04
third and it helps you with. the system that
1:11:07
they have in place is like, OK, we have somebody
1:11:09
that's college educated running it. And then
1:11:12
it trickled down to how I selected the staff.
1:11:15
You know what I mean? So it was a whole ordeal.
1:11:17
That's a whole nother thing. You just kind of
1:11:19
figured it out, man. This is where the experiences
1:11:22
that I've had with running business, the experiences
1:11:26
that I've had with doing stuff on the street,
1:11:29
the stuff in between of doing the clothing, because
1:11:32
I started my first clothing line in 2000. on
1:11:35
my college campus. My last year of college, I
1:11:41
didn't even take the loans. I paid it cash. They
1:11:44
thought I was selling dope. Oh, no shit. That's
1:11:47
not the first time I've heard that. It's not
1:11:49
the first time I've heard that. If you do the
1:11:53
research on Paul Fries, first and foremost, there
1:11:56
wasn't a lot of tax returns filed. Personally,
1:11:58
it was because of the job and the structure and
1:12:02
the way that I would make money outside of the
1:12:04
school district. Didn't like I was all setting
1:12:07
stuff so much that I wouldn't even I wasn't even
1:12:10
thinking about that But people would see cat
1:12:13
like this guy got something going on and he always
1:12:17
out at night And all his cars have ten He's always
1:12:21
got the new sneakers on like so people were looking
1:12:23
at me and they're like do you sell drugs? I'm
1:12:26
like, I don't sell no goddamn drugs. I don't
1:12:28
have the time for that. Like I right I've met
1:12:31
drug dealers. I know Some of the top notch ones
1:12:34
in Philly. Jersey, Delaware, Atlanta. Not my
1:12:40
calling. First off, you got to run the streets.
1:12:43
Do I look like I run? I'm not running, shit.
1:12:46
It's not my thing. I actually, and this is a
1:12:50
crazy story, but very true. Again, if it don't
1:12:52
tie to memory, I can't do it. One of my very
1:12:56
last parties before I moved over to work at this
1:13:00
nightclub. in Philly We were doing This gentleman,
1:13:07
I'm not gonna say his name, but he was turning
1:13:09
30 and he knew he's about to get life He knew
1:13:12
he was about to get life. He knew it. He knew
1:13:15
it Yeah, so he hit us up. He like yo, we was
1:13:17
told you got one of the hottest parties in the
1:13:19
city I want my people to come in I want them
1:13:22
to be free and I need 30 bottles of everything.
1:13:26
Oh shit. So now what that means is He wants to
1:13:29
pay bottle service. So at the time, Serac had
1:13:32
like three flavors, but he wanted 30 bottles
1:13:35
of each flavor. Hennessy, 30 bottles. Rose, everybody
1:13:40
wanted Rose at the time, 30 bottles. So it was
1:13:43
like 10 liquors that he ran off. He wanted 30
1:13:46
bottles of each times whatever we were charging
1:13:50
per bottle. Holy shit. I pull up. My man sitting
1:13:55
in a black Escalade all blacked out and then
1:13:57
this is the time when I had my little my little
1:14:00
Infinity joint that was you know decent too.
1:14:03
Yeah, so I pull up I parked behind him I get
1:14:05
in the truck I get inside the truck. It's a gun
1:14:07
on the dashboard motherfuckers playing scarface
1:14:11
There's 40 ,000 in cash Sitting there. God. He's
1:14:16
like, all right, that's your cover The people
1:14:20
getting in and my bottle service, right? Yeah,
1:14:24
yeah, yeah, definitely should cover right? Yeah.
1:14:26
Yeah, I Called my girl at the time the one that
1:14:29
did the jokes about and I'm like, I'm not coming
1:14:31
home. I Don't want you to like if you don't have
1:14:34
to leave the house. Don't leave the house I'm
1:14:36
not coming home because in my mind. Mm -hmm.
1:14:38
I got this 30 this I mean it's 40 and I Went
1:14:44
straight to the airport parked my car in the
1:14:47
joint and went to Avis and got a rental. Mm -hmm
1:14:52
Money in the backpack and now I'm moving in a
1:14:55
rental for like four days because I'm like I
1:14:58
don't want them to follow me say somebody take
1:15:00
the bread then it's like I owe X oh Shit, I see
1:15:07
see most people like why did you just go buy
1:15:09
the bottles? I hear you but he we did this at
1:15:12
like nine o 'clock at night So this is a movie,
1:15:15
now I got to make it till morning. Dude, it sounds
1:15:18
like training day, bro. I got to make it till
1:15:21
morning. You're making all the stops that you
1:15:22
gotta do. I get to the bank and this is how I
1:15:25
learned that you can only deposit $9 ,999 before
1:15:29
they have to send off the thing to the IRS. So
1:15:31
I literally gave her $9 ,999, boom, put that
1:15:35
in. I go over Jersey because you couldn't get
1:15:38
Rosé in Philly. because it wasn't legal in Philly
1:15:40
for whatever reason, Commonwealth, stupid shit.
1:15:43
I go over there, I put the order in, now I'm
1:15:45
giving them money, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
1:15:48
They like, yeah, we can have it all by Friday,
1:15:51
or have everything by Friday, whatever, whatever.
1:15:53
So now I still got like 20 grand left on me.
1:15:59
I go get a hotel, now I'm tired. I'm like, I'm
1:16:02
not going to, I'm not, because even if, motherfuckers
1:16:05
see my face, I wasn't. Man, I ain't sleep till
1:16:08
that shit was over. Dude, oh my God, man. Honestly,
1:16:13
I don't even think I blinked while you were telling
1:16:14
me that. I was like, dude. This is my life. And
1:16:17
people are like, yeah, you can't tell me shit
1:16:21
about party promotion, about event marketing.
1:16:24
I'm at DMX and fucking the Ritz Carlton. He's
1:16:30
sitting at the bar. Here I am acting like I'm
1:16:32
fucking rich. I'll buy him a drink. I should
1:16:34
have had that motherfucker pay but yeah, oh my
1:16:36
god, man, you I appreciate that. I'm like, you
1:16:39
really talk like that. Expo will give it to you.
1:16:41
Yeah, you really talk like that and my guy m
1:16:45
dot And and all my team PR guys will tell you
1:16:48
like I'm just me and him sitting there Literally
1:16:50
this close just talking at the bar and they like
1:16:52
you really went over there to start talking to
1:16:55
them Yeah person dude, that's badass. Oh, he's
1:16:57
a person like yeah If you look on my IG, you'll
1:17:00
see the picture of me and Paul Mooney, man. I've
1:17:03
had a two -hour conversation with Paul Mooney
1:17:05
maybe about a couple months before he passed
1:17:07
away, bro. It was the most amazing two -hour
1:17:11
conversation I've ever had in my life. What are
1:17:13
some highlights, man? What did you all talk about?
1:17:16
The people are stupid. They're dumb. They're
1:17:18
there. I love that conversation. They're there.
1:17:19
They're there. They're there. You tell the jokes.
1:17:21
Whatever you want to say. You say what you want
1:17:22
to say. If it's from your heart, you say it.
1:17:24
If it's in your heart, you say it. Damn it. If
1:17:26
it's on your mind, you say it. You don't hold
1:17:28
anything back. Your voice is to be heard. Your
1:17:30
voice is not to be held back. God damn it. Don't
1:17:32
you hold your voice back. I was looking like,
1:17:35
I promise I won't. I promise. I promise I won't
1:17:37
hold it back. And I'll stay true. I'll stay honest.
1:17:41
And I want this to work. Like I want this to
1:17:43
work. And this was like, I'm like year four,
1:17:46
maybe five in this. The stint and the time that
1:17:50
I've taken to do this is a gentleman by the name
1:17:53
of Brad Trackman. I don't give him much credit
1:17:55
because I don't feel like he did anything. But
1:17:58
the one thing he did was be the facilitator of
1:18:01
a comedy class. And me having to go every week
1:18:05
and do the writing and do whatever, even though
1:18:08
He never showed like he was interested in anything
1:18:11
that I was saying or whatever. When it came time
1:18:15
to set up who was gonna headline that class show,
1:18:19
it was me. With a standing O, you know what I'm
1:18:23
saying? It was me that wound up getting booked
1:18:25
by helium after that. It was me, you know what
1:18:27
I'm saying? And then my sister, Patrice DeVoe,
1:18:30
at But Is She Funny, she will fucking tell you.
1:18:34
We worked our asses off and you can see it in
1:18:36
everything that she's doing right now. You know
1:18:38
what I'm saying? Like she's killing Virginia,
1:18:40
DC, Maryland, L .A., been overseas, like she's
1:18:45
a fucking beast. And when people ask, like at
1:18:48
one of my shows in Atlantic City, I sold out
1:18:51
Atlantic City twice, Tropicana Casino twice,
1:18:54
me, footwork, on the ground, promoting, doing
1:18:57
shit, like twice, sold that shit out. matter
1:19:00
of fact how many people were talking we're talking
1:19:03
400 plus on the first one shit the second one
1:19:08
was 340 because we used the smaller venue yeah
1:19:11
and it was on black friday were you aware of
1:19:14
austin and like austin's comedy scene back i
1:19:17
wasn't aware of it until we came down here for
1:19:20
so my wife is from austin uh -huh that's how
1:19:22
we ended up in this area okay um she's born in
1:19:27
port other texas moved to austin raised in austin
1:19:31
went to Texas State, then went to St. Edward's,
1:19:34
and then we met while she was finishing her doctorate
1:19:37
at the University of Pitt. But we met in D .C.,
1:19:40
which is crazy, right? I do like D .C. though.
1:19:43
D .C.'s fucking amazing. So when we came down
1:19:49
for, so we got married. And then three months
1:19:53
after that, her brother walked her down the aisle,
1:19:54
because her father passed away when she was a
1:19:56
kid. Her brother walked her down the aisle, and
1:19:59
then her brother wound up having a heart attack
1:20:01
and dying. So we came down for the funeral. When
1:20:04
we came down for the funeral, I was in the middle
1:20:06
of doing some work with a couple of comedians
1:20:10
in Philly. And Austin had come up. So because
1:20:14
I knew he was coming here, I just looked it up.
1:20:16
And that's how I found that Velveeta Room spot.
1:20:19
That I did for the first three minutes. Oh nice.
1:20:21
So like we're gonna be here for about a week
1:20:23
anyway because of the funeral Yeah, i'm just
1:20:25
gonna like I might as well just do something
1:20:27
because there's nothing that I can do They already
1:20:29
had like like the funeral stuff kind of squared
1:20:32
away and what's gonna happen So i'm here as the
1:20:36
buffer to my wife and her emotions and plus she
1:20:39
whatever she needed to get out She needed to
1:20:41
do with her family if she need me, she know hey
1:20:44
pete. I need you and all right i'm here And she's
1:20:47
like yo go go tell your jokes go do whatever
1:20:49
like she knows Paul her husband Paul and cousin
1:20:53
Paul two different worlds like yeah, I mean Paul
1:20:56
Friesen is All this stuff don't matter Yeah cousin
1:21:00
Paul all this matters like I'm the the alter
1:21:03
ego is that yeah, I get it the other guys more
1:21:07
more more relaxed that's where you know the Provider
1:21:10
cigars come in the play shout out to Brian I
1:21:13
mean, that's where the liquor comes in the play.
1:21:15
I'm big on the bourbons and stuff like that Nice
1:21:18
cousin Paul smoke a little we sit back zone out
1:21:21
and they go Tell you do you think two hours worth
1:21:24
of jokes? Yeah, make it super funny So yes, we
1:21:29
yeah that the Austin scene popped up then Then
1:21:34
when I got here everybody and their mama that
1:21:38
I would say hey, yeah, you know, I do stand up
1:21:40
whatever whatever Have you been on kill Tony?
1:21:46
Yeah, yeah, and I had to look it up. Yeah, I
1:21:48
look it up What the hell is killed Tony's and
1:21:50
I'm looking up and I watch a couple of them.
1:21:53
Mm -hmm And I don't care if I catch flag for
1:21:55
this I really don't give a shit the only black
1:21:58
people I see move on kill Tony the great black
1:22:02
people I'm not gonna do that. I can't do that.
1:22:06
That's my folks We have issues just like any
1:22:09
other culture has issues and I'm not gonna make
1:22:12
My money off the back of our issues to a point
1:22:16
that I'm not helping Now what I say helps us
1:22:20
move forward then I'll say it but if I'm just
1:22:22
going Yeah, stop on our no. Do you think you
1:22:26
can just go on there and maybe change that? I
1:22:28
don't think that their culture is going to allow
1:22:31
that. I think I'll be wasting my damn time. So
1:22:33
I might as well continue doing what I'm doing.
1:22:35
Staying positive in my community. Bringing forth
1:22:39
the things that I do have in mind. Because there's
1:22:44
things that I've already done in Philly, Jersey,
1:22:48
Delaware. Making sure I'm accurate. Philly, Jersey,
1:22:52
Delaware. And then I kind of want to bring, I
1:22:55
want to bring here. I've been looking for the
1:22:58
people here who put together certain cultural
1:23:00
events and things. And I found that. On the east
1:23:04
side, there's like a couple of libraries and
1:23:06
a couple of places on that side. I don't have
1:23:09
specific names. I have a bunch of stuff written
1:23:10
down at the house, but I'm going to start plugging
1:23:13
myself into them because the number one thing
1:23:16
that I do is a cookout that I started when I
1:23:20
was doing something similar to this during the
1:23:22
pandemic. I had a buddy, me and him, we set up
1:23:25
our Instagrams, we would go top to bottom on
1:23:27
the Instagram, and we did this show called Difference
1:23:29
of Opinion. And from that show, we would highlight
1:23:33
a small black business in Philly, because nobody
1:23:37
could actually do business during the pandemic.
1:23:39
So it was like, all right, if we have 1 ,500
1:23:41
people watching this, if I put this up on the
1:23:44
screen, hey, this is by Cousin Paul, you can
1:23:47
follow him at such and such and such, this and
1:23:48
that and the third. Boom, boom, boom. And then
1:23:51
at the end of it, when you load it up on Instagram,
1:23:54
you could do your blur. We would tag them in
1:23:56
it. We noticed that these businesses started
1:23:58
getting people following them, people supporting
1:24:00
them. So like you said, I didn't know about the
1:24:05
20, but on our 30th show, we did an actual black
1:24:11
business cookout. And it wasn't even about being
1:24:15
black. It was taking people from the red. Black
1:24:19
which is business terminology. Why is black Friday
1:24:23
the biggest holiday because business trying to
1:24:25
go from red to black But what happened was we
1:24:27
started moving this this thing and it you know,
1:24:30
we did it the first year We did the second year
1:24:32
and then when I went to do it the third year,
1:24:34
it was decent then the fourth year I had some
1:24:37
Caucasian people get upset. Why is it black and
1:24:40
it's like It's not that, go back to the tail
1:24:44
end, like you came in and I understand what you
1:24:47
see, but there are some white folks on this list.
1:24:50
We're trying to get more, bring them to me. We
1:24:54
were charging $35 per spot, which is unheard
1:24:57
of to vend. In Philly, I had a park, I think
1:25:05
it was six baseball fields worth of space. What
1:25:09
and then on the other side was the football field
1:25:12
so that's a hundred yards this way and yeah that
1:25:15
way We had all that grass. I gotta feel I want
1:25:19
to feel this I want I want vendors all over this
1:25:22
joint. So we literally talking about festival
1:25:25
That's pretty much what I was putting together
1:25:27
on the low Wow, dude First year was 60 people
1:25:32
the second year was 150 people the third year
1:25:35
was 220 vendors no shit By myself. By yourself?
1:25:43
By myself. I couldn't find a team of people who
1:25:47
would come on board and actually do the work.
1:25:50
My dad was out helping me pick up trash. My mom
1:25:53
would come out. My aunties, I would also do food
1:25:57
for nothing. We would make food. You want a hot
1:26:01
dog? You want a hamburger? You out there? But
1:26:03
the purpose of it was have the vendors. It was
1:26:06
always on Father's Day weekend. Most people forget
1:26:08
about fathers. So it was like, all right, you
1:26:10
got the park. Y 'all can set up a barbecue on
1:26:13
this side. But at the same time, over here, we
1:26:16
got music. We have bounce houses. We have vendors.
1:26:19
You can come over. So by year three, I want to
1:26:22
say 30 % of that park was people who were set
1:26:26
up with their families. Then we had the bounce
1:26:29
houses in the middle. And then right here we
1:26:32
had the 220 vendors. I linked that with Citizens
1:26:35
Bank. They did first time home buyer classes.
1:26:39
No, Quality Real Estate in Philadelphia did first
1:26:41
time home buyer. Citizens Bank taught people
1:26:45
in the community the variations of checking and
1:26:50
accounts for your money. Because most people
1:26:53
only think checking and savings was way more
1:26:55
than that. even if you don't have a lot of money,
1:26:58
you need to at least know like, hey, when I get
1:27:01
my tax refund check for $8 ,000, maybe I should
1:27:05
put four grand this way versus I get a tax refund
1:27:09
check for eight grand. You don't have no kids,
1:27:11
do you? I do. You do? So you never seen, you've
1:27:14
seen a check that was, your face was like hell
1:27:17
no. You never seen a refund? Right now, no. Right
1:27:20
now, no? Okay. Yeah. Well, I've seen people,
1:27:23
especially with me running daycares, They get
1:27:25
nine grand ten grand bags. They got two three
1:27:27
kids and what they do with that money You pour
1:27:31
again in a month and a half. Yeah, you know,
1:27:34
yes it away But if you understand how banking
1:27:36
works if you understand how stocks work if you
1:27:38
understand how putting money away and just closing
1:27:41
your eyes on it and walk off You know if you
1:27:44
understand New York life insurance and stuff
1:27:46
like that You know when they put this money into
1:27:49
these accounts if you're doing $20 a week from
1:27:52
out of your paycheck that you will not miss No,
1:27:55
people act like you'll you will not miss it But
1:27:57
if you've done that since you were 20 25 30 on
1:28:01
up and you think about hey This money's going
1:28:04
in this account. Well, you actually don't think
1:28:06
about it and then you check it ten years later.
1:28:08
It's like Wow, I Shit I got I got 40 grand sitting
1:28:14
here that I didn't even you need got 40 in your
1:28:17
checking but you Because of investors that were
1:28:19
made when your behalf. Yeah but I had to teach
1:28:24
and bring these things to the community. And
1:28:30
that was where I was getting a lot of the questions
1:28:33
about, what do you do? How do you get your money,
1:28:36
Paul? And I'm like, this, this, this, and this.
1:28:38
I've never sold dope. I sold marijuana one time,
1:28:42
one time. A friend of mine left a bag in my car
1:28:47
and it was a lot. And he was already on his plane
1:28:51
back. He's like, man, damn, I was supposed to
1:28:53
drop that off at my house. I was like, you want
1:28:54
me to take you there? He's like, no, man, you
1:28:56
can have it. And I'm on campus, and it's literally
1:28:58
like we would have this event called May Weekend,
1:29:02
which is kind of like a spring homecoming. So
1:29:06
I'm bagging it all up. I'm like, well, look,
1:29:08
there's about to be about 8 ,000 people on the
1:29:10
campus. Somebody going to want some weed? Yeah.
1:29:13
That weekend. I sat on the hood of my car and
1:29:17
people would send people over and boom, boom,
1:29:19
boom, boom, boom. Damn, dude. By the end of the
1:29:20
day, I had about, I probably was way shorter
1:29:23
than what I was supposed to be, so I let you
1:29:25
know I'm not a drug dealer. I want to say I might've
1:29:28
made like two grand, but he was like, yo bro,
1:29:32
that was probably like $10 ,000 a week. I didn't
1:29:35
know. People was like, yo, these the fattest
1:29:36
bags I've ever had. I don't goddamn know. No
1:29:39
shit. I just was trying to get them out. Want
1:29:44
no stems, want no sticks, want no seeds, you
1:29:46
know what I mean? Oh my God. So then when it
1:29:49
came around like that next year, it's like, nah,
1:29:51
that was a one -time thing. Ball slam. Yeah,
1:29:53
that's never happening again. Never happening
1:29:55
again. Damn, dude. It was a fire sale. It was
1:29:57
a fire sale. It was a fire sale. But outside
1:30:01
of that, I've never. I sold drinks Thursday,
1:30:03
Thursdays. Oh, yeah? Out of my dorm. I did do
1:30:06
that. I did do that. I'm guilty of that. Yeah.
1:30:10
But I was 19. I had gone down. It was a store
1:30:15
in Delaware called Tally Ho. And the young lady
1:30:18
there was fond of me. She thought I was cute.
1:30:21
She knew I wasn't 21. And this is when Hypnotic
1:30:23
first came out. Everybody in my home wanted Hypnotic
1:30:27
and Hennessy. So I would go. I would get five
1:30:30
bottles of each. And on Thursdays, my shots were
1:30:34
coming like it was like a little plastic tube.
1:30:36
Put them in there, boop, boop, boop. Five dollars
1:30:38
a tube. It's a college campus. Was that actually
1:30:41
any good? Like hypnotic? I've never, I've never
1:30:44
had it. You know what's funny? I don't think
1:30:45
I've ever had it either, but I just, I sold it.
1:30:48
Yeah. But see, I listened to Biggie, never get
1:30:50
high on your own supply. Like, so it wasn't for
1:30:54
me, it was for them. It wasn't, it wasn't for
1:30:56
me to taste it. Nah, I did taste hypnotic by
1:30:58
itself. Yeah, it tastes like smurf piss. I don't
1:31:00
give a damn. Smurf piss. It was just blue shit.
1:31:02
Dude, I don't know. It just never looked like,
1:31:04
I don't know. I was like, I just never wanted
1:31:06
to try it, you know? Like, I've tried Hennessy
1:31:09
before. That shit was like too much for me. I'm
1:31:13
not really good with liquor. My craziest drink.
1:31:16
Shout out to my brother Marvin. 99 bananas and
1:31:21
151. We used to call it a 250 shot. 99 bananas
1:31:25
and 151? A rum? Yeah. You take two of those.
1:31:30
Dude, that's insane. And I promise you, you dancing
1:31:34
all night. Yeah, like it just it just take over.
1:31:37
It would take over your body. You're a flaming
1:31:40
banana I tried I tried one of those When I was
1:31:44
about 35 and my life was upside down after half
1:31:48
the shot I'm surprised you still don't have a
1:31:50
hangover, bro. After my half the shot. My life
1:31:53
was upside down 151 151 and now if I drink 151
1:31:58
it's got to be Don Q because I actually was able
1:32:00
to go to Puerto Rico and go to the story I see
1:32:04
how they make everything out of there, man. I
1:32:07
don't drink no other rum. Outside of Zacapa 23,
1:32:11
when it comes to rum, I'm Don Q all the way,
1:32:14
man. Yeah, I remember when I was a teenager,
1:32:16
it was a Bacardi. Trash. Garbage. You know it
1:32:20
now. Garbosh. You know it now. But back in the
1:32:23
day, man, that's what we were trying to get our
1:32:25
hands on was Bacardi. Yeah, Bacardi was the name.
1:32:28
It was the name. It was Bacardi. It was Bacardi.
1:32:31
I like the bat. Definitely a great logo. Definitely
1:32:35
a great logo. The Don Q isn't any of the super
1:32:39
greatest logos. No, it's literally just the name.
1:32:41
It's a Q, but they make the best stuff. That's
1:32:44
funny that I just used the word, man. First time
1:32:46
I ever cursed in life was doing my spelling words.
1:32:50
You ready for the word? What's the word? Garbage.
1:32:53
Garbage I just kept saying garbage garbage And
1:32:56
I would call it that's garbage. Yeah, but nobody
1:32:59
called it for like almost a year, right? Yeah
1:33:03
garbage, yeah garbage. Yeah, I remember growing
1:33:05
up my siblings You know when you have like a
1:33:07
younger sibling, you're always trying to fucking
1:33:09
make them curse Yeah, you know by saying shit
1:33:11
and you figure out like oh man, they're saying
1:33:13
something bad You start to exploit that, you
1:33:14
know, so then you make them yell it. I don't
1:33:16
know man That's how I used to do when I was a
1:33:18
kid Mine I'm the oldest. Oh, yeah, so you understand.
1:33:22
Yeah, how many under you three? Yes, I had two
1:33:25
I had two and my middle brother man Demetrius.
1:33:28
God rest his soul, bro. Like he was he was Super
1:33:32
mild manner. Yeah, but he goes zero to a hundred
1:33:35
like that whereas though I'm more Alright, man,
1:33:38
like I don't really like to fight. I can I have
1:33:42
yeah, I don't have a problem with it Yeah, but
1:33:45
if I can avoid it for I don't like touching men
1:33:48
That's first off. Yeah, it's too like cuz I'm
1:33:52
a big guy been a big guy my whole life Even when
1:33:54
I was playing football basketball, whatever.
1:33:56
I'm a big guy always had broad shoulders People
1:34:00
like to grab so then it turns to a wrestling
1:34:02
match. I watch wrestling. I like wrestling. Yeah
1:34:06
you know, not in a homo way, but it was like,
1:34:09
oh, it's kind of like the gay shit I saw, because
1:34:11
it was like, why these dudes humping on each
1:34:12
other like that? Like, when Yokozuna would put
1:34:15
his face in his ass and people feel like, that's
1:34:17
gay shit, dog. You licking ass, you don't even
1:34:19
realize it. There are some pretty suggestive
1:34:22
moves. Yeah, like, you know what I mean? So I
1:34:24
never really cared for that. But my brother,
1:34:27
man, God rest his soul again, man. Like, we used
1:34:31
to catch the bus in Philly to school every day,
1:34:33
except the bus, public transportation. My brother
1:34:36
had like this narcolepsy shit, man. He'd just
1:34:38
fall asleep as soon as he sit down. He'd fall
1:34:41
asleep. So now people throwing shit at him, trying
1:34:45
to throw stuff in his mouth. You know how it
1:34:47
sounds like to sock somebody at 8 o 'clock in
1:34:50
the morning? We got kicked off the bus once.
1:34:53
We had to walk almost four miles. There's no
1:34:57
cell phones. We're talking 96. No, we're talking
1:35:01
93, 94. Cause I went to high school in 95. Yeah,
1:35:06
93, 94, we, it was no cell phones, no pagers.
1:35:09
So we get kicked off the bus. We just got to
1:35:11
make it to school before they mark us absent.
1:35:14
You know what I'm saying? Then call the house
1:35:16
and say we didn't come. Or tell them that we
1:35:18
was late. Cause now we got to explain why we
1:35:21
late. Again, didn't want to be an embarrassment
1:35:23
to our parents. So now we four miles from school
1:35:26
with backpacks on trying to like run down certain
1:35:29
blocks to get to the school. It was crazy. Yeah,
1:35:31
I remember the stories. Me and my brother could
1:35:33
tell if he was still here, man. Like it was it
1:35:36
was wild or like somebody would say something
1:35:38
to him and he just pop them. So now we're fighting
1:35:42
like we got to fight. And then I have. Twenty
1:35:47
seven female cousins, my grandma had 10 kids.
1:35:51
No way. This is back when you could have 10 kids
1:35:54
and survive on the planet. Yeah, right. She had
1:35:57
10 kids and out of all of her kids, we're the
1:36:00
only set of three boys. Like my dad didn't have
1:36:02
any girls. As much as he wanted one, he just
1:36:03
never had. So now when I'm around them, I have
1:36:06
to protect them. So when guys would say certain
1:36:09
things, now I got to pop this thing. It's on.
1:36:12
Yeah. And we're talking 29th and Girard in Philadelphia,
1:36:16
so that's kind of West Philly, where it was rough.
1:36:19
I'm coming from, I lived in, it's called Logan,
1:36:22
but then I went to school in Mount Airy, which
1:36:24
is, they had lawns. It's a whole different, like
1:36:28
there was no, I grew up in a concrete jungle,
1:36:31
but then I go to school where they have lawns.
1:36:33
My mom wanted us to have the better education,
1:36:35
and I appreciate her for that. That's why she
1:36:37
was a hustler, man. Hustler. Taking care of you.
1:36:39
But yeah, man, like, I had to fight so much,
1:36:43
so like. Yeah. You ever had a battle? Like battling
1:36:47
neighborhood kids? That shit rang out one time
1:36:50
with my family, like my siblings. Dude, it was
1:36:53
like I was just walking down the street, man,
1:36:55
with me and this dude. Oddly enough, his name
1:36:57
was Logan. That's kind of funny that you said
1:36:59
that, actually. I'm not even joking, dude. And
1:37:02
dude, me and Logan were just walking down the
1:37:04
street. And we used to walk our kid siblings
1:37:07
home. We're coming home from school. Me and Logan
1:37:10
were in the same class and everything. And so,
1:37:12
dude, we get right around the corner, and we're
1:37:15
just like, where the hell are these damn kids?
1:37:16
We look, dude, one of them is about to throw
1:37:18
a rock at the other. And they're just, all of
1:37:20
them are battling. We're like, what the fuck
1:37:23
did we miss, dude? So I'm sitting there trying
1:37:25
to run around and break it up. I was like, dude,
1:37:28
I had never seen no shit like that before in
1:37:30
my life. Kids are throwing dirt at the house.
1:37:32
I was like, what the fuck is wrong with y 'all,
1:37:34
dude? They're like this big. Yeah, I was like,
1:37:37
what is a deal terrorists? Yeah, yo, man got
1:37:42
god rest his soul man young dude named Raheem
1:37:46
Raheem was the short fat kid. Yeah, like a lazy.
1:37:49
I kind of like Biggie. It's a lazy. I Sure, he
1:37:52
was husky. He was always funky like right Yeah
1:37:55
to this day what I'm thinking is they had no
1:37:57
water in the house. Like it just couldn't yeah
1:38:00
every Friday It was like clockwork I get off
1:38:05
the bus at the crib, my man Sean, he has Sean
1:38:10
in the headlock just whooping on Sean. Every
1:38:14
Friday I had to get this kid off of him and like
1:38:16
beat the hell out of this dude. Every freaking
1:38:19
Friday. Until it got to the point one Friday,
1:38:22
I was like, you know what? I'm going down. my
1:38:26
cousins or my aunt house after school. Like,
1:38:28
I'm not even going home. Like, Sean gonna have
1:38:30
to figure this shit out on his own. And that
1:38:32
weekend, he got his ass whooped the whole weekend,
1:38:34
because it's protected wasn't there, right? So
1:38:37
I get back home, like, Sunday night, and they
1:38:40
like, yo, where was you at, man? I was just like,
1:38:44
man, I found peace of mind, bro. That is so funny
1:38:47
that that happens, like, when you defend people
1:38:49
so much and you're not there, and they get their
1:38:51
ass whooped. And then they go, where the fuck
1:38:53
were you? And it's like, dude. Dude, you had
1:38:56
six to eight weeks to learn how to box. I know,
1:38:58
man. That's plenty of time for Kung Fu, bro.
1:39:01
This dude had a guy come charge at me. We were
1:39:05
playing basketball. I actually got this cut on
1:39:07
my knee. It's like I had to have, I think, nine
1:39:10
stitches. I used to ball. Like, I could play
1:39:13
basketball. I broke my finger. Like, I was a
1:39:15
basketball head. Damn, dude. We busting these
1:39:20
dudes' ass. He got, I jumped, and dude pushed
1:39:24
me out the air, and when I fell across the thing,
1:39:28
it was like a piece of glass shipping to my leg.
1:39:31
I saw it, and I just immediately just start beating
1:39:35
the dog snot out of this dude. So now I'm limping
1:39:38
home, I get home, my mom take me to the hospital,
1:39:40
get everything, whatever. So when we get back
1:39:42
to the house, it's this lady and little boy sitting
1:39:45
on my step. and she trying to ask the little
1:39:49
boy. The little boy lied and said that I just
1:39:51
started beating on him. But then when the mother
1:39:54
saw the stitches and I told her what actually
1:39:56
happened, she was like, you push that boy because
1:39:59
you ain't no good at basketball. So I'm like,
1:40:03
now, I'm like, damn, I felt bad. I was like,
1:40:05
now you're going to get his ass whooped by his
1:40:06
mom when he get home because now she embarrassed
1:40:08
that you had her sitting on these people's steps
1:40:11
waiting for however long they was waiting. So
1:40:15
yeah, I don't think I saw that kid ever again
1:40:17
after that. He wanted to be Jordan, but he was
1:40:20
one of the mon -stars. Man, dude pushed the shit
1:40:23
out of me. I remember that. I went flying, bro.
1:40:25
That's crazy, man. Because where we was playing
1:40:26
ball, obviously it wasn't no glass, but where
1:40:28
I wound up falling at. So that was a hell of
1:40:32
a push. So appreciate it. And now I got this
1:40:34
ugly scar on my leg the rest of my life. So it
1:40:37
is what it is. But I still wear shorts. I don't
1:40:41
wear shorts. I can't wear shorts. Me, I look
1:40:44
like a meatball with like two chopsticks walking
1:40:46
around. Stop it. Yeah. You look like what you
1:40:49
tell yourself you look like. I'm a supermodel.
1:40:53
No, I really look like that, though. Even at
1:40:55
384 pounds. I'm actually down 22 pounds since
1:40:58
you saw me. It doesn't look like it yet, but
1:41:00
I'm slowly coming down, man. I'm at Crunch Fitness
1:41:02
now. Oh, hell yeah. Working it out. Good for
1:41:04
you, man. When I get to 250, everybody hide your
1:41:08
wife. I know I'm married, but just hide your
1:41:10
wife. With the confidence I got now, I get down
1:41:14
to my football playing weight, 225, 230. It's
1:41:18
game over, man. Damn, good for you, man. I'm
1:41:21
glad. It sounds like it's working out, whatever
1:41:23
it is. Just water, lots of water, more walking.
1:41:28
Doing lift and uber, I actually put on like 60
1:41:30
pounds. You sit in a car, and I would do late
1:41:32
night, so I'm drinking all these 89 cent QT big
1:41:36
cups of soda. And you don't realize, like...
1:41:39
How fast that sugar turned into weight. I know
1:41:43
what you mean, man. I got out of hand, too, myself,
1:41:46
dude. I've been doing the same thing. I've been
1:41:48
just trying to cut back. I'm going to keep you
1:41:50
accountable, and I'll ask you to do the same
1:41:51
for me, man. Yeah. You ain't losing me. This
1:41:55
ain't just one interview. We're going to do whatever's
1:41:57
necessary to get this bomb squad situation up
1:42:01
and out into the atmosphere, man, because this
1:42:04
is a dope setup, and I appreciate you even. From
1:42:08
the beginning, from meeting you that night at
1:42:11
Vulcan, just the energy you gave me was like,
1:42:15
all right, he really actually paid attention
1:42:16
to the couple of minutes, because I'm not gonna
1:42:19
lie, man, I wanted that 20. I honestly felt like
1:42:23
if I'd have got the 20 minutes, and I've had
1:42:27
this happen, so I'm telling the truth, when I
1:42:31
leave, people were ready to leave too. You know
1:42:34
what I mean? Like I've done shows where when
1:42:38
I got off, people kind of checked out after that.
1:42:42
It was like, all right, it can't be nothing better
1:42:44
than this. And then at the end of the show, they
1:42:47
would say stuff like, well, I didn't let you
1:42:50
go last. And I'm like, I don't know, you gotta
1:42:52
ask. You know what I mean? And even at that particular
1:42:56
show, I directed like four people to the dude
1:43:00
who booked me. It was like, you gotta ask him,
1:43:03
man. I don't know why I only had that little
1:43:05
bit of time. And I think the two young ladies
1:43:07
were decent. I've never told another comedian
1:43:12
that they were bad. I just feel like everybody
1:43:15
has to find their people. I think everybody has
1:43:22
to find their group. And once you find your group's
1:43:25
success, you pretty much... You were in a canoe
1:43:28
and you were on dry land. Once you find your
1:43:31
people, that's the water, and now you can paddle
1:43:34
yourself on to where you need to go. Like I said,
1:43:39
35 out of that 100, that means 65 % either. Out
1:43:42
of that 65, they didn't see me on the way out
1:43:47
and or, hey, I was funny enough to be funny,
1:43:50
but. no real interest in seeing anything going
1:43:53
forward and that's fine. I don't have a problem
1:43:55
with that. But 30 % of a room, that's a big piece
1:44:00
of the room. I don't care what nobody say. And
1:44:02
for five minutes, and only did like four. In
1:44:07
my mind, I think I only did really four jokes
1:44:10
outside of a couple of things. If you do comedy,
1:44:14
you know that you can make damn near anything
1:44:16
funny. So it was certain point like, like when
1:44:19
I spoke to the gentleman in the front about his
1:44:21
hair, like, you know, I don't really, what the
1:44:26
fuck do I know about here? But you know, hey,
1:44:30
you know, it was funny and made them laugh and
1:44:33
made him all right. He feels comfortable now.
1:44:35
Not only does he feel comfortable, I can see
1:44:37
that down that made that person feel comfortable.
1:44:39
So now I'm getting you. Now that I got you all.
1:44:42
Bang, bang, bang. Story about brother. Bang,
1:44:45
bang. All right, everybody. There you go, man.
1:44:48
Dude, there's a lesson to be learned with every
1:44:50
minute, man. Every minute. But dude, thank you
1:44:54
so much. Is there anything that you want to put
1:44:56
out before we wrap it up? Bro, outside of everybody
1:45:04
just BU, everybody else is taken. At BU, my cousin
1:45:10
Paul, the brand is alive and well. BUTshirtco
1:45:18
.com is definitely getting ready to launch. CousinPaulcomedy
1:45:23
.com is getting ready to be relaunched. I took
1:45:27
down a lot of stuff off of the internet because
1:45:31
I went to a show and I heard some stuff, but
1:45:36
I just did a show with this gentleman. And I'm
1:45:40
like, that's my jokes. You know what I'm saying?
1:45:46
Because I feel like I'm creative enough to lose
1:45:49
one or two I said I I don't know if I'm creative
1:45:52
enough to lose 30 But I really do now feel like
1:45:56
I'm creative enough to lose 30 but back then
1:45:58
so I like kind of scrub the internet a bit of
1:46:03
Shows even my one hour. I took that down like
1:46:07
because I didn't feel comfortable no Having anybody
1:46:11
take pieces of that and turn it into something
1:46:14
larger I forget the name of the movie, but it's
1:46:19
like this movie that does interviews of all these
1:46:21
comedians, and Carlos Mencilla was like, yeah,
1:46:23
I'll steal your joke. I'll just make it Mexican,
1:46:26
you know what I mean? And it works like that
1:46:28
here. If you know anything about comedy, the
1:46:31
rule pretty much is if I get it to TV first,
1:46:35
it's mine. And I've seen in New York and even
1:46:40
in LA, At these comedy clubs, you have these
1:46:42
people who write for NBC, Fox, whatever, whatever.
1:46:46
They're in the back of these rooms and they're
1:46:47
jotting. These comedians are on stage. They're
1:46:52
telling their truths. It's something they've
1:46:54
set and they develop. And now you have somebody
1:46:58
who nobody knows, but they're a writer for The
1:47:04
Daily Show or whatever it may be. And they go
1:47:08
back to work like they... Like they demand, you
1:47:11
didn't come up with that. No. But this comedian
1:47:13
won't know because they probably don't watch
1:47:16
the Daily or watch Big Bang or watch whatever
1:47:19
to notice that. Yeah. Hold up. That premise is
1:47:23
super familiar. Yeah, it's familiar. It's yours.
1:47:26
Yeah. So it happens. It happens. It sucks. Until
1:47:30
I get myself to a position where I when I say
1:47:34
something, I know that it's going to go up on
1:47:37
a platform that People will be like, yo, that's
1:47:41
Paul's. I decided like, hey, I'm not putting
1:47:44
a bunch of stuff on Facebook, Instagram, whatever,
1:47:48
whatever. Like, I'll do my corny joke of the
1:47:50
day. Half of those are probably from like a Laffy
1:47:53
Taffy I eat, so I don't care, take it. Public
1:47:57
domain, you know what I mean? But if I come up
1:47:59
with something, you'll be able to tell like,
1:48:02
yo, he came up with that, and I'm riding with
1:48:06
it. It's probably gonna be a t -shirt to go with
1:48:08
it and a hat too. You know what I mean? Hell
1:48:10
yeah, dude. I can see you doing like lift jokes.
1:48:13
Oh, I can't wait to actually. You know, like
1:48:15
lift me up or something. You know what I mean?
1:48:17
Yeah, it's about to be a whole ride share series,
1:48:20
man. Oh, that would be awesome, dude. We could
1:48:22
do two hours just sitting here and me telling
1:48:24
you stories about some of this ride. I had to
1:48:26
knock a ride share dude out, I'll tell you off
1:48:28
-air, but I had to knock out one of my riders,
1:48:30
man. Damn, dude. I had to drop him. And it's
1:48:34
crazy because I did an open mic. Yeah? and I
1:48:37
had all my jewelry on, and I was out by the domain.
1:48:41
So when I knocked dude out, because he was Caucasian,
1:48:45
I called the cops, and I was like, you, this
1:48:47
is what happened. 13 cop cars showed up. There's
1:48:53
nothing going on out there, they ain't got nothing
1:48:55
to do. So they're looking at me, and they're
1:48:58
like, I'm like, jewelry on, diamonds going, and
1:49:03
they're like, yo. Why are you driving Lyft with
1:49:06
all that on? Dude, that is funny though. Cause
1:49:09
I can't. Cause you're balling, dude. You get
1:49:14
off stage, your energy level's at like a billion.
1:49:17
I'm not going to go home and go to sleep. My
1:49:20
mom's like, just go ahead and make some money.
1:49:23
Cause they ain't pay me nothing to do what I
1:49:25
just did. So I was out there and dude said something
1:49:29
super inappropriate. The craziest part, I just
1:49:32
had surgery on my left shoulder. My rotator cuff
1:49:35
was still 100 % torn. I hit him with my left
1:49:37
hand. Dropped him. God damn. I'm right handed.
1:49:42
I'd have killed him with my right hand. Hell
1:49:45
yeah, man. He woke up and the officer was like,
1:49:49
sir. His first words were, I'm so sorry, I should
1:49:52
have never hit him. They were like, you're not
1:49:56
pressed charges. I was like, my two year old
1:49:58
daughter is harder than him. I'm good, bro. man
1:50:01
that's really nice of you that's really nice
1:50:02
of you man i should have i should have but what
1:50:05
am i gonna gain man you're just you're just spreading
1:50:07
kindness all over the place all over the place
1:50:09
all over your face that's it all right brother
1:50:13
man thank you so man this has been excellent
1:50:15
yeah it has my success to you brother um you
1:50:19
too as well man we're gonna definitely get you
1:50:21
some uh bu gear and hopefully some things that
1:50:24
you can give away as gifts to you others that
1:50:27
come in. Yeah, that would be great. That way,
1:50:29
you know, everybody get a little something. Yeah.
1:50:32
Remind them to just be you. Don't get on this
1:50:34
podcast telling them damn lies. Because we're
1:50:36
going to do the research and find out you a lying
1:50:38
mother. We're going to fish you out. That's right.
1:50:41
That's it. And that's a wrap, brother. Oh, yeah.
1:50:44
Appreciate you.