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Transcript

Bittisode 014: King Charles' Disastrous Disguise · Who Did What Now With Katie Charlwood

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You're listening to an airwave media podcast. Hi everybody, and
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: welcome to Hooded. What Now? The history podcast that's not
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: your history class? Betty soodes the little bits of history
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: that don't quite fit anywhere else with me your host,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Katie Charlewood, history harlot and reader of books. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: yes yes. I am feeling very regal this week as
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I sit and a Powerpuff Girl's snuggie and a crown,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: because everybody deserves a crown. I'm a firm believer of this,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Like everyone should have like a crown or tiara because
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: they're just fun. They're fun and they make you feel
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: nice and pretty and all the other good stuff with it.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Like I think I actually gave I did I didn't
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: think I did do it. I gave a crown to
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: one of my friends, my friend Shanna, my favorite smut peddler,
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  Speaker 1: and I gave her a crown just because and she
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: was so happy, like she really she was very happy
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  Speaker 1: to receive it. But like it just give the person
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: that you care about a crown and ortiara. Honestly, it's
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: just great. It's just a wonderful, wonderful thing and you
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: can wear it. Anywhere. You can wear it to the shops,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: you can wear it in the garden. You can wear
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: eating cereal like there's nothing to stop you. You can
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: wear a crown while watching the Crown Like. You can
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: just do that, There's no rule against it. It's just
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: like a fun way to be says me, who's again?
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: And a pair of puff like snuggie. There was this
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: cute Powerpuff Girls like backpack and I love it and
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I would use it, but I feel like my little
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: girl would steal it from me and I wouldn't have
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the heart to like keep it. I'd have to let
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: her have it because I'm an adequate parent. I'm all right,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I have exciting news. I bought an electric toothbrush.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, oh yes. So I've had issues with you know,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: gums and teeth and stuff like that. Part of it's ADHD,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: part of it was a result from issues during my
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: pregnancies and stuff like that. So stuff hasn't been super
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: and I am trying to kick start myself back into
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: like a good routine. And I normally use like bambootooth bushes.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: That's kind of my deal. I prefer them, actually, But
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, I really need to just
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: like really get myself into this because I'm trying to
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: take better care of myself because if I am rushing
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: my teeth, my kids are brushing their teeth, and it's
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: just a bad way for us all to take care
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: of each other. And if it works, it fucking works,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. But I did see a water flosser.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: It was on like a technology and list of things
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: you should own. A water flosser it like shoots a
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: jet of water into your mouth and flosses your teeth
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: for you. This is how you can tell I'm a
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: fully grown adult because I get excited over a flossing
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: machine because, like I always have trouble with floss itself.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I think it's a sensory issue, but I feel like
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: shooting water dorightly into my mouth seems fine to me. Okay,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: but I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, quit your
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: jibber jabber in fact me, in fact you, I will
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: because the coronation is happening this weekend of King Charles
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: the Third. So I thought, well, that's happening. Why not
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: regale you with the tale of from one Charles to another,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: you know, and go all the way back to King
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Charles the First of England and Scotland, and I guess
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Ireland or whatever in La and Wales. Geez, I Forgobert Wales.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Like that's really funny, like because Great Britain I think
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: existed at that point. And I King Charles the First
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: of England. He reigned from sixteen twenty five to sixteen
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: forty nine. And you're probably thinking, geez, that's not a
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: long rain at all. You're right, it's not. So Charles
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Charlie boy, he did a couple of fun things. He
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: dissolved parliament, he you know, forced the country into a
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  Speaker 1: civil war, you know, just just fun friendly things. Turned
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: a kirkyard into an open door prison. So hmm, not
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: not really the most efficient of leaders. See. The thing
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: about Charles is quite like Henry the Eighth, he wasn't
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: supposed to be king. He was the spare, you know,
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  Speaker 1: so there was an heir and a spare and that
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  Speaker 1: was Charles the First right, so he was never meant
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  Speaker 1: to rule. And in fact, when James the First, James
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the sixth of Scotland, James the First of England became
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: like the King of England when they moved down to England.
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  Speaker 1: They left Charles behind, like they just fucking left him. Anyway,
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  Speaker 1: That is not the point of today's bitysod. The point
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: of today's Buysoude is you know, more of a glowdown scenario.
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  Speaker 2: Frankly, he's a bit of a dick, right, So he's
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, he's an arsehol to his wife for such
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: a long time, you know, he removes all of her
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: sort of her entourage and gets some sent away, and
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: he you know, gets really pussy when.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: He takes advice from people the Parliament don't really agree
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: with because the Parliament's goilled like Puritans and Royalists and
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: everything else, and he wants everyone to act like Catholics, which,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: you know, considering the turmoil that's been happening over the
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: last few you know, decades, not really the best of
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: ideas really. So he causes issues in Scotland, which is
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: there's a Covenant and these Presbyterians they want to just
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: pray and do whatever they want to do. They want
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: to have the right to their religion, you know. And
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Charles he believes in the divine right of kings. So
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: he's like, no, I'm right, you have to follow me
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: like I am you know here because God put me
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  Speaker 1: on the throne like divine right of kings. So he
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: gets mad at these covenanters, right, and he puts them
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: effectively in this open air present, like there's a fight.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: They lose, Charles wins. Charles puts the survivors into present
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: and it's an open air present. So basically he puts
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: them in a field next to a graveyard right in Edinburgh,
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  Speaker 1: and they of these bread rations which are so fucking
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: tiny that people are dying of you know, starvation and malnutrition,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: and then the diseases start because they're out in the open,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: there's no fucking protection from anything, and then they just
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: start dying off. So this is already not a good
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: look for Charles, right, So he's already pissed off the Scots.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: The Scots are madam, and then he continues to piss
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: off the English, so he taxes, even though they're not
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: as taxed as much as other European countries, the taxes
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: are being raised in Britain and English people are just
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: not having it, but just not having it. They're mad
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: that he's married Catholic, a French Catholic, which is they're
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: probably just more mad that she's French, honestly, I swear
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  Speaker 1: at this point and things just don't go well. So
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: when after he's dissolved Parliament a bunch of times, the
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Parliament basically put in this rule they started voting, and
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: that they were gonna that they couldn't be dissolved by
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: the King on a whim basically, and yeah, yeah, So
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: one thing leads to another, and this results in a
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: civil war. So you got the Roundheads, which are led
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: by Oliver Cromwell, who is a cunt, and then you
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: had the Royalists or the Cavaliers, depending on how you
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: want to phrase him. I think cavaliers sounds more fun.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: But Charles wasn't fun, and Oliver Cromwell would be as
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: miserable as sin. But sinning isn't allowed under Crommellian rules.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So that's its own a it's its own little kittle
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: of fish. So between the Roundheads and the Cavaliers, there's
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: this fucking power struggle. So there's this power struggle. It's
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: between the monarchy and the Parliament, and they're just trying
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to be the alpha, right, They're trying to be the
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: big boss. They're trying to see who has like the
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: authority to rule the land, because you've got the Parliament,
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  Speaker 1: who feel like they have earned this power, even though
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  Speaker 1: most of it's fucking inherited. So and then you have
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: the king again, who believes that he has been placed
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  Speaker 1: upon the throne by God himself, like he believes it
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  Speaker 1: is his like spiritual fucking jury to be there. Right,
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  Speaker 1: So you've got the Parliament and you get the King
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  Speaker 1: and they're all just our souls and they're fighting. And
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: then you've got the taxes. The people are being taxed again,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: not as harsh as other countries in Europe, but they're
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  Speaker 1: being taxed. He's raised the taxes because he has to
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  Speaker 1: fund wars and other such expenses, and so people are
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: getting pissed off because they think they're being unfairly taxed.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: In Furnish, there was some weird taxes in there. And
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: then you've got this whole land dispute situation. So basically
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: land was being given out and provided to people, and
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: people weren't really happy with that because they felt that
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: some people were getting more than others and it wasn't
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  Speaker 1: fair because of course, this is a situation where things
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: are fair. And then of course we have religion, the
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  Speaker 1: daddy of them all, because for quite a lot of
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: British history, religion has come into it and it's been
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  Speaker 1: causing chaos ever since. And because there's this massive conflict
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  Speaker 1: right between you know, Protestants and Catholics, and it's it
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  Speaker 1: just bollocks as everything up. And then you've got the
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  Speaker 1: Church of England itself, right, which loads of people are
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: just unhappy with in general. But then you've got Charles
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  Speaker 1: as the head of it, who, let's face it was
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: a bit more Catholic leaning than he should have been,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: as you know, the head of the Church of England,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: which has a you know, Protestant church. And so all
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: this bubbles up and adds up and leads to the
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: English Civil War. So the final part of the English
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Civil War is the Siege of Oxford, and it was
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: technically like three sieges in one. And so there's basically
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  Speaker 1: Royalists side and the parliamentarians are outside and they're sieged,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: they're being sieged and and it becomes less of like
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: a battle scenario and more like a political one. See,
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  Speaker 1: this is all because the king decided to set up
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  Speaker 1: his own parliament, the King's Oxford Parliament, and it was
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: January of sixteen forty four. Am I saying this was
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: a good idea? No, absolutely fucking not, because quite a
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  Speaker 1: lot of people in Oxford were roundheads. They did not
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: support the king. I mean it was like, financially a
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: really good idea to be there. Yes, So the King
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: he's in I think christ Church, and then the Queen
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: she's over in Merton. And you know, Oxford University is
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: it's happening, it's still going and it's not really been
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: affected that much by this, which is fucking hilarious. And
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I think both of the Prince Charles and James they
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: get like these honorary degrees because of course they do,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: because of course they fucking do. But anyway, by the
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: time May comes around, m yeah, things are not looking well.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: They're dealing with these skirmishes and barrels that don't really
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: do anything or help them in any way, and it
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: gets to the point where they have to shit or
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: get off the pot. So they realize that if the
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: city is besieged, they don't have enough supplies to last
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: more than a fortnight. They've got two weeks if that,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: and that's if they're lucky, right, So the King says,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: fuck this for a game of soldiers, and he decides
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: it's time to get the hell out of Dodge. And
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: they come up with a clever rose. They pull a
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: sick Freed and roy obviously, and they create a diversion.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: So the king has an army march into a part
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  Speaker 1: of Oxford, kind of distract the roundheads, right, and so
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: King Charles, Prince Charles about two and a half thousand musketeers,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: a bunch of like aristocracy and fucked on horses. Clearly
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: they you know, they escape, they leave, and it's June
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: at this point, so they were not exactly under cover
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: of darkness. They're like leaving at night, and there are wagons,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: there are just stuff. He's bringing stuff with him, and
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: none of the roundheads notice, none of the parliamentary forces
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: clocked that's happening, clearly fucking not. So there are more
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: battles and more skirmishes and other shit that happens, and
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: basically they end up sieged again in Oxford. And on
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: the twenty seventh of April sixteen forty six, the Royalists
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: are losing, the Roundheads are closing in and Charles he
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: needs to leave because Oxford is literally a couple days
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: from being under roundhead control. Like Charles the first is fucked.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: He's absolutely bollocked right, So he has no choice but
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: to try and escape. But he is the king. He
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: can't bring an entourage, he cannot you know, have anything
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: about him that makes him look like the king. So
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: again another careful ruse, another shneaksh shnake plan. Is he
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: decides or someone else decides at one point, well, a
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: decision is made, right, a decision is made for him
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: to dress like a servant because this is the third
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: and final siege of Oxford, and once that's taken over,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Charles has done for He's being captured, so he has
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: to escape. He needs to change his look, and so
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: they give him a haircut. So not only do they
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: cut his hair back, but they chop off his love lock.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: It's like a little braid, a little plat plat however
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: you wanna call it. It's down like the left hand side,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: and it's worn as a sort of sign of devotion
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: for someone. It makes me think of the Jedi. I
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: can't help it, it just does, because it's just a thing.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: So they chop that off because it's very distinguished. You
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: know his portrait has it distinguished? No distinct? God, what
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: is it with me? And wants today? Yes, so it's
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: very distinct. The king is known to have a love lock.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: There is a portrait of him with a love lock. Okay,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: like there's we know it's there. So yeah, his beard
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: is trimmed, his hair is cut, they lose the braid,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: and yeah, they dress him up in shabby clothes. We're
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: not shabby clothes, but like not royal attire, so they
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: dress him up. He cause plays as the lowly man
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: as a servant. Right. Oh, and he even has like
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: a name for his character. He calls himself Harry, Like
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: of course he does. He's supposed to leave, and he's
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: supposed to go on like a straight where he was
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: like you know, as the crow flies try and make
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: it easy. However, he's convinced to go like just a
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: more roundabout route, so he kind of goes like towards
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: London and then he goes up a little bit and
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: round a little bit and trying to head to sort
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: of Newark. Charles is on the run. He's looking for allies,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: so he's heading towards Greater London and he's not really
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: hearing a peep, not really not really anything coming any
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: which way for him, So his options are kind of limited.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: He's got, you know, find some sort of help in London,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: some sort of ally that's one. Two go and meet
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: with the scot to you know, already pissed off at you,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: or three fuck off to France, like that's your options.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: So they are trying to head to a port. But
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: then he thinks, maybe I can ally with the Scots, right,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: and there's these clandestine deals. There's back and forth, and
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: at this point it's kind of known that Charles is
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: dressed as this particular servant, so he ends up changing
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: into like religious garb. He's now dressed like a clergyman,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: like that's where he's at now. So these deals are
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: going back and forth and they're trying to you know,
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: get some help there. And so he has welcomed into
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: a Scottish camp and they're surprised he's there, well, some
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: of them are surprised, a few people clearly or not.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: And he becomes less of how I put this, less
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: of a guest and more of a prisoner because the
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Scots contact you know, the Parliament and they're like hey, yeah,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: so we have the king you want him, and he's
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: being kept in Kilham House and uh yeah, and after
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: nine months, nine months that's how long it takes to
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: grow a human closer to ten. But that's not the point.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: After this time, there's finally an agreement and the Scots
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: exchange did you always swap? They sell them, right, They
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: sell King Charles to the Roundheads right for one hundred
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: thousand pounds and the promise of more money comment into
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: the hands, right, And so Charles gets delivered to the
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Parliamentary Commissioners in January of sixteen forty seven. And so
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: this deal that King Charles made with the Scots, right,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: because he had attempted to align himself with them, like
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: this is seen as an act of treason. But like
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: here's the thing. You know, the Roundheads would have found
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: one way or the other to you know, get rid
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: of King Charles, like they were planning. I mean, Cromwell
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: was definitely planning to love off his head, like that
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: was going to be their end game. But him deliberately
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: reaching out to Scotland is enough of like it seems treason.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: So like it was definitely enough to get rid of them,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: obviously because it did, but like, yes, it's not the
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: best of plans. It's not the best of plans, was it? Charles? Well?
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: But anyways, so ends the tale of the Escape of
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: King Charles the first. If you liked my retailing of
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: this story of this little ramble, I had, please rate
• 22:32
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• 22:35
  Speaker 1: you're on Apple podcasts, as long as you write something
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: in the review as well, it really boosts up the algorithm.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know why it's algorithm science, it's just math appartly,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: so that's great. I hope you enjoyed this. You can
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram, Twitter. I think I have a Snapchat.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I don't really use it. It's weird to me. And
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: now there's an AI thing that keeps trying to have
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: conversations with me, so that's worrying. But yeah, I'm on
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: all of the socials and I am going to be
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: in Kansas later this month. Wow. And I've got more
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: interesting stuff coming up and I can't wait to tell
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: you about it once things are locked in and in
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: the bag. And I am speaking faster, which means I'm
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: getting very tired. Yes, thank you so much. I hope
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode, and I shall be chatting to
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: you next time. There may be a bonus episode coming.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: It's all I'm saying, okay, and with that, I shall
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: bid you good night. Adios au revoir of Where Is That?
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: My friends, Bye bye,