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157: Why It's Never Too Late to Change · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome back to the Heart of Life show. I'm Kelly Siegel. Today's guest is Dana Grant. She's a dear friend of mine. She's an international master life and business coach, sought-after keynote speaker, global retreat leader, and co-founder of Cauliflower Foods. With multiple accolades like Chico's Entrepreneur of the Year in 2017 and 18, and Grow Tech Fest panelist in 2019, Dana brings decades of personal transformation, business acumen, and spiritual wisdom
• 0:53
  her work, her journey from trauma to triumph, including conquering a debilitating illness and building a multimillion dollar company fuels her mission to help people align with their intuition and unlock their full potential. She is an overall amazing badass. I'm proud to call her friend and you guys are going to enjoy her. Welcome, my dear friend.
• 1:15
  Oh, I'm so I always love jamming with you. We have so much fun. It's like I couldn't wait for this. It's like I get to play with Kelly this morning at 8 a.m. California time. But the craziest thing about you is you're just like the ageless wonder. I know your real age because you just celebrated a big birthday and you just look gorgeous. So welcome to the show. Happy day. And I love you very, very much.
• 1:37
  We're here today to talk about the new book. And by the way, the title is fantastic. Some of the freaking quotes that you have in it, you were born worthy, it's your birthright. Energy always tells the truth. You can't bend or reshape energy. It is what it is. We'll never rise above our definition of our worthiness. Oh, Dana, tell me about the book. Tell me what made you write it. Oh gosh, Kelly, that's, you know, I had been wanting to write a book for a long time. What I thought I would write was a cookbook.
• 2:06
  And then a cookbook was published with Cauliflower Foods. And I'm like, maybe I won't do a cookbook right now. Maybe I'll do a book on life and love and what lights people up. And it morphed into something I did not anticipate, which was more of a teaching book. So the book is based on the principles of 14 universal laws that I chose. I mean, the universal law of vibration is...
• 2:27
  is where everything is in movement all the time. Everything is moving all the time. And like you said, energy cannot be destroyed. It cannot be, it only can transfer. It can only move. So we're always in movement. We're always in flow. We get to decide what that looks like. So I chose 14 universal laws of 14 stories that I've had. They're hard stories to read.
• 2:51
  I've not had an easy life, but that's why I'm doing what I do. I want people to know their transformation is possible. You can utilize this and transform your life with simple and keep it simple with simple tools.
• 3:05
  A little more of your story is you had a radical awakening at 50. And I swear to you, when I was preparing these questions, I'm looking, I'm like, oh, my God, somebody, something is talking to me right now. I'm 49. I'll be 50 in a couple of months. Tell them not to steal too much of the book, but what happened at 50? And then what were the patterns that were keeping you stuck? I think that when you come out of a dysfunctional family.
• 3:31
  Chaos follows. So I could just say the first 50 years of my life were frigging chaos. Fight, flight, the five stages that maybe I regulated in the fight or flight. But I was constantly and, you know, I think this is what made me a really good negotiator. You know, I worked for the NFIB in the United States Chamber of Commerce as one of their top negotiators for over a decade. And I think what made me really well is I could take on anything.
• 3:54
  And arguing was a way of life for me. Negotiating was a way of life for me. You know, and it was a trauma response. So I was really good at it. But when I woke up, it was, you know, it was something so simple, Kelly. I literally went into...
• 4:11
  return a teapot, an electric teapot that was broken at God Chalks. It's not even, I mean, God Chalks is even here anymore. But I went in and this salesperson was no match for me, but I didn't realize that's where I got my power. And I crushed her. You know, she said, no, you have to send it to the company, da, da, da, da. And I'm like, no, I was going to win that day. I always won.
• 4:31
  I had an unbreakable record as a lobbyist, but I didn't realize I did that in every area of my life. So I got the teapot, I walked away and I turned back. I turned back and she was sobbing and somebody was holding her. And I said, I will never I will hear I will never do that again.
• 4:51
  And it wasn't that I was so cruel or so, but I was so dominant. There was so much masculine energy to win because what I really was, was powerless. And that's how I got my power was winning, winning, winning. So that trauma bond was broken. And at 50, I'm like, where do I go now? What do I do? I can't ever go back to doing that. And that's when the real work was started.
• 5:12
  Now I know why we're great friends. Our story is exactly the same. Oh, yeah. What that is for me, I'm going to speak for me, and this literally is wielding away from me right now, is that was the only sense of control that I have, was my will to win will overpower your will to not win, and then I would leave a path of destruction, which is exactly creating our childhood all over again.
• 5:41
  And the trauma bonds, let's let it continue. Unless we identify the core wound, our core fear is going to show up over and over again. And, you know, it is our inner child is just unhealed wounds. Whatever version of us that shows up that's unhealed is going to continue to lead the show. So whenever it shows up, I have to build this bond and trust. And this is what I teach. We go back and we my biggest thing is, does it feel like love? And do you trust me? Because, frankly, I didn't trust anything.
• 6:09
  And it's not the grown woman. It's the child. Maybe the 15-year-old had trauma. The six-year-old shows up a lot. And I have to say, hey, do you trust me? All the stories that she created to survive didn't work anymore. And I had to deconstruct and rebuild. And your world gets very small when that happens because all of a sudden friendships fall away. All the things that you've built into play...
• 6:34
  that have supported this life no longer fit. And I always say, when you're in transition, get ready to have things fall away, to make space for the new version of you where there's just freedom, freedom to feel. I don't think I ever gave myself freedom to feel, freedom to think clearly, challenge.
• 6:55
  How many times, and I'm speaking for me, how many times was the universe, God, whatever you believe in, showing you that you needed to change before you finally changed? Before you finally looked and said, I have to, was it at that moment? How many times before, looking back, because hindsight's 20-20.
• 7:12
  Oh, Kelly, that is such a great question. You know, people need to hear this because they look at my life and they say, you've had such a blessed life and you come to. I got smacked down so many times that I remember being in my bathtub once curled up and I'm like, Jesus, take the wheel. I can't do it. I mean, every decision I made was a train wreck.
• 7:32
  I've lost houses. I bankrupt. I've had millions, billions go through these fingers because I didn't think I was worthy. I would hand things off and trust other people. Trust didn't live in here. Externally, I would say, I trust you. Will you take care of me? Because I needed to be taken care of. Now I take care of me. And being born and intuitive. Now, this is a real flip.
• 7:53
  you know, I felt like a freak most of my life. It's like, I know what I know, what I know about people. And can I be a believer and still believe that? So there was a real, you know, challenge for me. So now I've incorporated that in and I trust me. I trust the things that I see. And this is what makes me,
• 8:12
  really good at asking questions because I could already see where people are going. And I'm like, are you sure you want to go there? It just, you know, I don't give them the golden ticket, the answer, but I ask better questions because God gives us free will. And we, we have the right to change anything up anytime we want. Being in this business of going through that I'm going through it right now. I just, just before you came on, I was talking to my producer and he's listening to this and I'm like, man.
• 8:34
  Right now, our relationship is the only relationship, vendor relationship. And he's a friend of mine, so I want to be very kind of. That is working. And somehow, someway, I know it's me. And if I had to put my finger on it, it's the trust. I have always trusted myself to get myself out of any situation. But what I haven't been able to do is really, truly place. You're talking about energy. By releasing and allowing and saying, you got me.
• 9:02
  I don't know what it is about my relationship with my producer. I think he's, I know it's, he's a man of faith. He's just been honest and he's just been all in from day one. I just trust him. And it shows. And I trust, it seems like I trust my team and I do. But all of a sudden, just everything is resistance right now. And I'm like, what is going on? I'm sure you did the same thing because we grew up the same life. What did you do to fight? Did you let go and just let God a hundred percent? Because that's what you hear everybody saying.
• 9:31
  Oh yeah. And you see behind me, trust the process. We could, we could plug a million things in there. Um, that, that means when I get resistance, I know just by, like you said, how many times did it take you when there's resistance? Now I know to lean in, not lean out. I asked better questions. I say, Oh, isn't that interesting? I don't take ownership of it because where our energy goes, we buy that experience. Yeah.
• 9:53
  And, you know, and I literally could fill up mansions of experiences I bought, taking on other people's experiences. So the fact that now I observe I am a master people watcher. I watch. I listen. And let's face it, as a lobbyist, I never listened to anything. I was ready to attack like a bulldog because I wanted to win in order to get power. I don't need to win anymore.
• 10:16
  I don't need to prove. I just listen and navigate and pivot and say, ah, there's resistance there. What do I need to know? What is that? So right now in your life, what is that resistance teaching you? What do you need to know? What is showing up? And what is it you're most frightened of? Because let's face it,
• 10:36
  We could say, I'm not, I'm fearless. I'm not frightened of anything. I'm scared to death of some things. I could lie and say, I'm afraid of nothing. Well, I trust everything, but there's things I lean into. I mean, right now, you know, I'm ending a 30 year marriage, you know, and I think that when that started and then I stayed five extra years to stand by him through some, it's tumultuous. I mean, there were some big things. There was an, an enormous, I found out an enormous amount of adultery for 25 years. And I was in such shell shock.
• 11:04
  You know, he forfeited his medical license. There was so much that my mind could not compute what had taken place because Kelly, I trusted this person. See, this was the big awakening. All of my trust was in him. I would say, this is my rock. This is my person. I would say it all the time. This is my person.
• 11:25
  So that fight, the last five years, I am now my person. I now trust me. Now I observe and I realize he's just a man who made some terrible mistakes, is probably hurting terribly, but you know, we don't hang on, we let go and we rebuild. And you know, what's frightening is,
• 11:41
  I don't know what the future looks like, but the fact of the matter is, even if you think you know, you do not know. You do not know. Control is an illusion. Thinking that you have it all mapped out is an illusion. Everything we think to be true is an illusion. And so I just sit back and I have such a deep faith and trust. I don't care what my bank account says. I don't care what's going on in my life. I'm like, oh, this is working for me, not against me. And that sounds so simple. But I know through control.
• 12:10
  60 plus years of life that everything has shown up to move me into where I need to go. Nothing is working against me. Every single person that's betrayed me and boy, did I call in betrayal. I'm so grateful for now because I learned so much. If you allow yourself to take the lesson and not the violation.
• 12:32
  You know, we get stepped on all the time. You know, we get it. You know, there's times where we think, oh, I want to speak at that event. And they don't ask us. They ask someone else. They're like, ouch. No, not ouch. I wasn't meant to be there. I just transmute energy like this. Because if we're thinking about it, you know, Tesla, I love the math. You know, I love math. I'm such a math geek. I love math.
• 12:52
  working with the energy of what has been created. And if we think about it, Tesla said that three, six, nine was in every single equation that was high vibrational in the universe. Three, six, nine was found that that number everywhere. So what he did was a three, six, nine theory, which three means body, mind, soul, past, present, future. Six means harmony and balance. Nine means God connection.
• 13:18
  The 369 means we get a manifestation statement. We write out, we just declare what we want. And that's where people get stuck. Oh, let me think about it. Let me overthink about it. Let me dig up that treasure and think about it. Keep it simple. Keep it simple.
• 13:33
  Just claim something, put a stake in it. And then three, six, nine, three in the morning, six in the afternoon, nine in the evening, you repeat it. It opens up, it raises your vibration. And the universal law vibration is connected to every universal law out there. If you want to be on the playing field, you better raise your vibration for what you want. And you can just manifest till the cows come home and nothing's coming.
• 13:54
  You might as well just get a cowbell and ring it every day and say, hello. You said, keep it simple. I was just said to myself this morning, why it is so simple. Why am I making it so hard? The one thing that I find impossible to do is to just trust the process, not continuously pound forward, be patient and allow everything to work. Because your story is, I have to work really hard to get this.
• 14:22
  I haven't paid my dues. This is what I need to do. Or we start looking at someone else and think, well, look how long it took them. It's going to take me to just stories. You know, 95% of our life, you know this, you do this work. 95% of stories, 5% is what we tend to take on. I clear the stories and I mean, I clear the playing field. Those stories do not serve me. The money stories, my parents' stories, generational stories, mother stories, father stories, friend stories, all their stories don't serve you.
• 14:50
  So when cauliflower foods was, I remember buying the domain and I remember the tagline, keep it simple. I thought four fresh ingredients, keep it simple. They still, until the end of the company had that, you know, so keeping it simple and not overcomplicated, we can remember the trauma keeps it complicated and it keeps you from it separates you from what it is you want. And it's a loop that you create so you can work harder. I got to work harder. No, you don't. You have to work smarter.
• 15:20
  So the story that I'm telling myself that I'll give you, I'll share with you. Perfect example of what you're saying. And I'll share it with all the listeners so they understand. What story is Dana talking about? The story that Dana's talking about is when I think I have to work harder, push harder is because I feel like I'm that little kid who was starved, who was beaten and it was neglected.
• 15:39
  And at that point, I had never in business talked to that little boy that says, hey, you're okay. So by not working hard, I meant I was gonna starve. By not freaking jumping in and solving everybody's problems, it meant I was gonna be abandoned.
• 15:55
  And I just this morning, it's amazing how this podcast and how my life actually is aligning for me. I just said the last podcast we had somebody on with fasting, which I just said to myself, I need to fast. I literally needed to hear what Dana has to say. So those stories are lies. They're magical lies. They're not really happening. And when you buy, like you said, buy that experience.
• 16:18
  You are actually creating the environment that you're used to the familiar misery. So I want to, I just did a quick translation for the heart of the light list is what Dana was saying. I have a question up here that my people gave me and I'm like, I have to ask what it means. So when I get really stressed in this, and I am right there last night.
• 16:39
  My daughter looked at me and said, dad, let's go to crumble cookie and get sugar. And I want to go so bad, but I'm in the middle of my 500 workouts and I'm shredded right now. And I want to be absolutely shredded at 50. And I said, no, babe, I can't sugar for me is like, I need it. I crave it. And I got here. How does sugar play into your journey of emotional safety? Because I'll grab a whole bag of Jolly Ranchers and go to, so tell me my sister. Oh my gosh. You're, you're kidding me.
• 17:08
  I just ordered, you can't get Jolly Ranchers. Look at this. That's an emergency bag. And that's the cinnamon ones that you can't even buy in the store anymore. I had to order them specially. I do lemon that you can't, or I have the special order of lemon. Oh, lemon is my, oh my gosh, I love lemon.
• 17:24
  Love lemon. And I like to eat to have the apple and the cinnamon at the same time. And where did I get that? My dad drove a delivery truck. He'd get off the truck and he'd get, you know, and on summer vacations at our cabin, there'd be two boxes on the counter. And I put my little hand up there and I get an apple and a cinnamon Jolly Rancher. So there's muscle memory. There's memory here. And you know what? We would prefer the familiar, you know, hell than the unfamiliar heaven.
• 17:51
  We would prefer that because it's comforting. You know, there's a reason why we say comfort food. There's a reason why, you know, sugar for me, I used to fill up my violin case. This will really date me. I rode the bus. We'd stop, and there was a little market. I'd run off on the bus stop. I had a quarter. I'd fill up with sweet tarts and Jolly Ranchers and blow pops, always fruity candies. Into where my reeds went and my violin. Yeah.
• 18:19
  I was first chair violin in sixth grade. I played with some famous, I made two records because I practiced nonstop in my room. I had so much trouble, but I'd sit there and eat my candy and I would practice. And I mean, they would challenge me over and over again. No one ever won because, but see, candy was a huge part. So Kelly, it wasn't until about three years ago, I'm driving to my mom's ranch and
• 18:44
  And I always, I mean, literally just, you know, those dollar stores where you can get all the candy for a dollar. You walk in and you're like, Eureka. So I bought like $35 worth of all my favorite stuff. And this is the deal. It's subconscious. I'm doing this. And I don't even open it, but I realized it just was like an awakening. I purchased it and they said, oh, are you having a party? And I lied. And I said, oh yes, I'm having a birthday party. That was going in my car for safety. Right.
• 19:13
  That's how I felt safe. The candy was there as a backup. If everything went wrong, I was going to eat candy and it was going to make me feel better. You know, I just lost a lot of weight. Well, what did I feed myself while I went through the last huge trauma? Sugar.
• 19:28
  We have to understand why we're doing what we're doing. Otherwise, I don't care what program, diet, it doesn't matter until you get to the core wound of why you're feeding that and what it's connected to. We're just gonna keep repeating it temporarily. We'll disconnect. And then subconsciously, I just whipped my car into there. And then I said, oh my gosh.
• 19:51
  I never touch this candy and I really never do. Sometimes I'd have an almond joy, but I like sugar, but I didn't really want it anymore. But I did it because that was my security blanket. I was safe if I had that bag of $35 and that's 35 bags. And then I'd usually drop it off at whatever eventually or throw it away or whatever.
• 20:14
  For years, I would say, when I go to the movies, I need to have my movie drawer, I would line it up. You know, nerds, all the fruit candies, and then I go in there and pick it. I don't do that anymore. All right, let's move on. You know, it's funny, mine is opposite. So it's, I just, I'm loving sharing this, and I'm so grateful you're here. Well, a chapter of my thing is called The Candy Connection. I got that. I think it's a chapter, yeah. It's wild because I was, we never were given candy as a kid. And for me now, not having, not drinking alcohol,
• 20:43
  I need the sugar. I used to have the sugar from the alcohol. Now I need it from this. But you talked about universal, everything's universal law and everything's energy. What's the most misunderstood universal law in your opinion and why? That's a really good question. I would say intuitively what dropped in without overthinking this, the law of gender. I think people look at it as a sexual thing, a feminine masculine thing.
• 21:12
  And men don't believe they can be feminine. But our left side of our body, it's to receive. It's the feminine side. It allows us to receive and process our life force energy. Our masculine side is our right side. And that's where our life force energy, our do, let's go. All the building is over here. But over here, we tend not to say, well, I don't...
• 21:34
  I'm not going to do the feminine stuff. So I think that that law right there, they don't, the balance and the equation is we must be in balance with this. And a lot of men and women, I coach, I would say, well, you know, I coach a lot of people. I hold a lot of space for masculine, even masculine women that don't give themselves. And a lot of them are attorneys and they're powerhouses. And I'm like,
• 21:57
  You're a bull in not a China shop and a whole. I mean, you're just like they think they have to go, go, go, push, push, push, do, do, do. And I think I call that in because that's what I thought, too. I had no idea, Kelly. I set records with every company. I was so far ahead. The records have never been broken, even on the federal chamber. And I thought everybody did it. I was so far ahead of the game because I thought everyone was running that race. That was trauma driven.
• 22:22
  Trauma driven. You were explaining my life to me. So you just explained to me why, why the left side of my body is always tighter than my right. Absolutely. I cannot. So I, I did a little fun thing in chat GPT. I said, based on everything you know about me, what do I need to start doing?
• 22:41
  that I'm not doing. And it said, start receiving at the same level that you give. And that's my feminine. And it's like, Oh, I'm so anytime I get massages, my left-hand side is always more knotted up. So thank you for, for, for saying that that's insane.
• 22:56
  Well, and look at how much you give. Look at how much you are of service. Look at how you show up in the world. And there, you know, we don't do anything without getting something like a shot in your arm. We get something out of it. And when you can do it without receiving anything, and you realize that you are here to receive.
• 23:15
  I mean, the universe says, hey, what do you need? Well, it says, hey, Kelly, what do you need? You know, you're on the playing field. What do you need? It doesn't say, hey, you know what? Let's negotiate that and show me what you can do for me and then I'll give back. Nope, it's not a negotiation. It is absolutely what do you need? We're an all clear. We're an all clear. And when I realized that,
• 23:37
  I went from struggling at like 80,000 and worthiness issues. And I got to work super hard and I'm not smart enough. All the stories. If I just had that law degree, everything would be okay. And all the things, all the things. But the minute I reconciled that and said, you're a frigging genius at what you do with dyslexia, with all the things. I flip sentences. I flip numbers. I do it all. And you know what?
• 24:04
  Let it rip. I don't care. If somebody wants to challenge me on that, I'll say, oh, we'll flip the numbers and you'll get it. I'm not giving that my energy anymore.
• 24:13
  Life is finite. It's short, Kelly. Yeah, dude, I know. It was Bob Proctor that just did a video. I looked it up and I shared it the other day. He's got an hourglass with sand in it. It was from 1988. And he said, every sand that goes through that you give, and the sand that goes through is your past experiences, you don't get it back.
• 24:35
  It does not build life moving forward. And I just want people to have that. I'm big on visuals and analogies. Look at that. You can't dive down there and scoop the sand back up. So like that experience you're buying, you don't get it back. We don't go to our stories and renegotiate them.
• 24:53
  We don't go back and say, I want a different outcome. We disconnect and say, what do I need to know? And this is the terror barrier. And there's a terror barrier. And we step into the newness of our life. And that means we don't know. And we have to surrender, control, and receive. And that would be your magic ticket right there.
• 25:14
  Yeah, so simple. So easy, as you said, the only thing I haven't done, really, that's what I keep saying to myself. But what I started doing is that inner child talking to him because I forgot about it in business. I do it personally, but not in business. We're going to talk about betrayal and self abandonment. But for two seconds, I want to remind everybody, this is like seagullism that.
• 25:30
  I don't know where I picked this up, but everybody says we only live once. And I always say that's bullshit. Sorry for the swearing, but it's, it is, we, we only die once we live every day. So I just had a very dear friend, uh, pass away, very young age. And I talked to her, everything was great. And then all of a sudden just not there. So yeah.
• 25:51
  Guys, live, live. It's not worth fighting and creating chaos. And none of this stuff is going to matter. And our time here is finite. So, and I just remember there's, if you're going through a tough time, there's, there's a lot of people here that love you and want to be here for you. So. Absolutely.
• 26:08
  I always say, people reach out, you know me, I'm going to answer. I don't care how busy I am. My team is going to send me and I'm going to answer that message because it matters to me. It matters to me, people holding on to the past and not thinking that they can make a change for whatever reason it is. They think if you just knew me, you would never answer this message. If you just knew me. Do you know how many people say, I've been wanting to work with you for years, but I just didn't think you'd ever take my call?
• 26:38
  What? We are all tell ourselves. Yeah, we are all on this playing field. There's no upmanship. There's no better than, worse than. That's all ego energy. Judging, better, separation. I'm no better than anyone else. I have been, if I could show people the picture of,
• 26:56
  of where I've been dragging around garbage bags in my car through my 20s, wanting to go to college, coming from an upperly mobile family and being dumped on my head, abandoned. You said over and over again. And then I abandoned myself over and over again because that was my story. That's what I knew to be true. So here, you know, I say, stay in your boat. Don't abandon yourself. I was like diving out the minute. The minute someone else saw more value in me than me, I would grab a hold of them.
• 27:24
  You're going there and I want you to keep going. So someone betrays you, treats you wrong, wrongs you, and then you abandon yourself. Talk about how those are connected and how that's a self-perpetual. That's literally what keeps people in. A self-perpetual cycle. Yeah, that cycle is not gonna end until you...
• 27:40
  value yourself. The work starts there. The value lives in here. So we are literally handing our value out. You know, I always say the book, Dr. Seuss, Are You My Mother? Are You My Mother? Are You My Mother? You know, that external need to belong. We need to belong to us.
• 28:00
  We need to love us. And I know that sounds so simple, but that process every day I check in with me every day. You know, if I, if I, if something's rubbing up against, or I'm feeling resistance, or I feel like a little niggle of hurt feelings, I'm like, ah, it's rubbing up against something. What is that teaching you? You know, I've had enormous betrayals.
• 28:21
  25 years into a marriage, I find out that this is going on. And I mean, literally my head was go, there's so much blood that rushed to my head. I didn't believe it. I just didn't believe it because this was my person. And now I hold space, this is tricky. I hold space now for what he did and how he served and how he was a good husband too. It's not either or, the ego wants to come in and say, bad man, horrible human, no, damaged man.
• 28:51
  made some terrible mistakes. He's going to live with it the rest of his life. And you know what? And the freedom is, is I get to heal and forgive and hold space for that. And if people don't understand that, then let's start back at eight. And that means we have to be accountable that everything in our world, and this is universal loss, we call in and we call it in to teach us. And people are like, how can that trauma teach me? How can that loss teach me?
• 29:19
  It can, because I've worked with people through losses that are inconceivable, that are now doing platforms and foundations, and they could have never seen it in the beginning. And we don't say, oh, it's for the best. It's going to transform you. That's not what I'm talking about. God does not give us more than we can handle.
• 29:38
  He just doesn't. And we have to drop in and hold space. And sometimes we're hanging on and we're like, and there are good days and bad days. And you know, everything's in flow. And there's some days we wake up and we're like, it's magical. And then there's days we wake up and we're like, this feels pretty dark. And then we have to say, what do I need? What do I need? I look in the mirror every day and I said, what do you need from me today, Dana? Dana.
• 29:59
  You know, two weeks ago, what I needed was to go plant my garden, shut my phone off. And I give people and my clients access to tech. Everything needed to go. I needed to go to a meditation ranch and look at tulips and sit in a chapel and pray and connect to nature. And I needed, I needed that. We have to give ourselves permission, but we think we have to be on. And if we, if we're not, it's kind of like famous people that are musicians or actors. I can't take any time off. They'll forget about me. Don't you forget about you.
• 30:28
  Let me jump in and answer one of the things that you said. You said, how is this going to help me? I always change how and why questions to what. So Heart of Life Nation, how is this going to help you? How can this help you? And why is this happening to you? Change it to what can I learn from this? And what do I need to become? And what is this...
• 30:49
  what does this, the recurring message mean? It means that, you know, Dana said she went through, like I did, signs of how we were creating this chaos in our life over and over, and we ignored it. So ask yourself what questions, not why and how. I got another note in my notes that just hit me hard because I just told you about, like home for me growing up was not safe.
• 31:16
  Oh yeah, no, I get that one. Yeah. It's like, no, not safe. I know your story. Frigging not safe. Did you have home and safety live within me? What did it mean to you? What does it mean to you now? I think that, you know, statistically, and I'm like, I, we talked about earlier. I'm like a nerd with finding out statistics and knowing information. I'm an information check. So from zero to seven, we look at our environment, our parents, our grandparents, whatever it is. And we learn.
• 31:42
  what it is we need to know. That is our zero to seven. We learn how to show up, what it is to connect or not connect. And we repeat that for the rest of our life. We call on people. So the safety, if we weren't safe, and I wasn't safe. I had an alcoholic father. I had a mom through, you know, by 22, she had five children.
• 32:01
  and attachment issues because of her generational trauma. And there's no blame here. It's not like I'm blaming my parents. I love them dearly. You know, I lost my dad at 30. He drowned and he was sober. And, you know, he built a million dollar company in an age where that shouldn't have happened at a high school graduation, you know, or a diploma. You know, all the things. I come from a long line of really...
• 32:24
  successful entrepreneurs, but a lot of trauma. I can't look at them for safety. It wasn't safe. It was never safe. I went in the world and I would try to find people that were safe. And I would say here, take my safety and make it okay. Make it better for me. And when they betrayed me, the devastation was, I mean, it was like landmines blowing up.
• 32:46
  you know, himashima, boom. Wait, why can't we find when we're hurting like that and we don't, when we self-abandon, why do we find people that aren't safe to give our safety to? How does that happen? Yeah, to teach us. And you know what? Be grateful for them. Say thank you for teaching me that valuable lesson. Some of the biggest hits,
• 33:11
  I mean, I'm not grateful for the experience of a business partnership where it broke my heart, but it taught me so much. I'm grateful for her. I was never meant to be there. Then the husband situation, my first thing was you stole my youth. You stole everything from me. No, that's not true. That was the ego coming in and the devastation. But what he taught me, I would have never.
• 33:37
  figured out my core wound and my core fear in the world was nothing is safe. You are my safety. Everything was here. So the child that needed that, and I would say she was about six, she needed that. Say, I couldn't see any of the other signs. The woman in me wasn't so happy, but guess what? Now I will not be calling in unsafe people anymore because when we heal and we start to build safety in here, which means whenever I start to feel overwhelmed,
• 34:05
  lack, scarcity, you look at your bank account or you start to get frightened about something in the world, politics, whatever it is, I breathe, I hold myself and I say,
• 34:17
  All is well. All is well in my world. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I don't make it complicated. You know, and Louise Hay, this is very similar to her mantra prayer. It's a prayer. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected by me. I don't need to seek it out there. So now what am I going to attract? If I wasn't safe, I was going to attract people. I mean, I...
• 34:42
  If I made a list, I could write a book on just the amount of people that betrayed me. And people would say, and you know, I used to be triggered by people saying, oh, your life is so messy. It was so messy. And I'd be offended by that. Like, oh, let me fix that. Let me, let me give you a different image. Oh, you're hell right. It was messy. Train wreck, bankruptcy, lost houses, trusting the wrong people, lost companies. But guess what now?
• 35:05
  That isn't going to happen anymore. And there's exponential growth on this playing field. When we trust, the universe says, oh, you're ready? Oh, you're going to trust? Oh, you're in your own power?
• 35:16
  Oh, what feels like love? You know, high vibration. And I talked about Tesla's 369. All that does is he found an equation that was in everything that was high vibrational and abundant. And he raises vibration by utilizing that. And so there's so much we can utilize. You know, there's so much I teach people that speak to their particular language. We have to upgrade our language, Kelly. Yeah.
• 35:42
  We can't keep telling the same story. Why is this happening to me? I keep calling. No, I keep calling this in because there's a version of me that's unhealed. I'm resisting because I don't know what's on the other side of that terror barrier. And that's the unfamiliar heaven. And I'm going to stay in the maze. And what your ego does is it wants you back on the same story. Let's start in the beginning. Let's figure it out again. No.
• 36:08
  You cannot take the same story and get a different outcome. We have to change. We have to have something new and newness terrifies people. It's it really is that simple. It terrifies people. I didn't even ask you this. So by the way, people and the Heart of Life Nation knows this, that you could look at your relationships and see this right away because they know this it's nothing more green or red flag ish than your relationships. If it's if they're constant chaos and.
• 36:37
  then you need to heal because it's just God keeps sending you the same thing over and over and over again. That was me until I finally looked and said no more. And then, and the ego wants to make you wrong. There is no right or wrong. You know, it's like, Oh, you're doing it wrong. You're doing it. You're not doing it wrong. You're doing it. Give yourself grace, enormous grace, because you're doing the very best you can. And I go back to versions of myself that were train wrecks.
• 37:01
  And I said, I love you the most because you are a train wreck. You did your very best. You did. And people are like, you did. You should have known better. You should have known better. Yeah. Well, yeah. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. I love those. I love those. Coulda, shoulda, woulda doesn't live in my world. You know? It's still...
• 37:17
  That's the, just as I coach people, that's a dead giveaway is how their relationships are. And I look at it and I just go, I don't care what else is going on. I can tell that things are chaos in your life. And they're like, what do you mean? And then they, oh, you don't understand. They start going in and I just feel for them because I've been there. Because when you had your epiphany and I'm getting to a specific question, because we got to get there is I would remind you that you probably really started living at 50 and
• 37:41
  You look gorgeous. You look, you're going to, you're going to live a long time because you're healthy. So how good does it feel to live in your full woman-ness now? And then go backwards and tell me the couple of the modalities that you did to finally heal that. Everybody knows what I did. Hypnotherapy, EMDR therapy, plant medicine. I've done it all. What, first of all, how good does it feel? And then work it backwards and say, this is what you did.
• 38:08
  Well, you know what? I was doing a women's retreat in Italy, and that was about a year and a half ago in October. I was 80 pounds heavier. I didn't even realize I had done it. You know, when I met you, I was in that state, and I just abandoned my... But I also didn't shame myself. I loved myself through the gain and the loss. And before, it was like I had to be skinny because it was about control.
• 38:36
  And I fought to get back there. But when I realized that that was not going to work anymore at this age, that I was required to heal that version of me, I was required to love that version of me. I lost the weight. I tripped three times in Italy and Venice on my VIP retreat. It was a disaster. For me, I was exhausted. My ankles were swelling up and I'm like,
• 39:00
  I didn't recognize myself in the pictures. And I'm like, it did not stop me from speaking and doing and building. I did it. I didn't hide. But I'm going to say I could not maintain it. So I recognized you cannot build the life you want in this state.
• 39:16
  It's time, it's time to, it's your final rodeo to build health. And so I looked at, I didn't know what a healthy life looked like. I had cycled a hundred miles a day forever to look good. And I loved my bike, my road bike. Everything was about image and
• 39:34
  It wasn't about that this time. It was about health. It was about nurturing these legs that got damaged through illness and medication and, and how best can I support this next big chat? And it was like Benjamin Butlin. I mean, I'm going to tell you, I just kept reversing, reversing my joints, reversing. Everything just started working for me where, I mean, literally, I mean, I do though. What, what, what did you change? What'd you do?
• 40:00
  Well, I've always been a big water drinker. I've never drank alcohol. You know, I think that my dad was an alcoholic. I think the gift. So, you know, there's a theory that someone that has done that, you know, we say it's genetic. What happened for me and for some of my family, it was. But for me, my father, and this is where I'm grateful there, too, gave me the gift of
• 40:21
  that I was never going to do that because of what I saw. I was terrified of alcohol and drugs. I was terrified. But then I marry a practitioner and then I take medication because guess what? I trusted him and it was safe. And that almost killed me. Whole nother story. But the fact of the matter is, is I leaned into health. I upped my water. I cut out.
• 40:38
  my number one go-to sugar, no sugar for six months, lost 50 pounds by no sugar, no whites, no potatoes, no white rice. I stuck with protein and veggies, the things I knew to be true. I created a company called a cauliflower pizza crust. I abandoned all of the things I loved. I grew up loving vegetables, growing them. I grow vegetables again. And then I was growing them and giving them away. I didn't want to eat them because it's like, well, that's
• 41:03
  Doesn't taste like sugar. And so I rebooted my system and my taste buds. I'm going to tell you, they were so jacked up. My body was jacked up. My eyes were swollen. I'd wake up. I wasn't sleeping well. And all of a sudden everything started to regulate and you can kind of hear it. You know what it's like to work out. And you're like, shh, shh, shh.
• 41:21
  I started walking. People think you need to spend all this money at the elimination diet. I said, I know what to do and I can start here and then I'll build from there. Now, on last Saturday, I did a dance class. I'm walking the Camino in September, which is a lot of miles and Spain and Portugal. And I can't wait for that. But I needed to be...
• 41:44
  In shape for that. So everybody I'm interviewing lately, and I just wrote this in the new book, Happier Than Life. It's the physical mastery. So I always say you look good, you feel good, you do good. And then, because you look in the mirror and you like what you see, then you're like,
• 41:59
  Then you're going to start working on your mind. So that's the mental fitness. So physical mastery, mental fitness. And I got to tell you, when I met you, you had built a cocoon around yourself and you were slowly coming out that butterfly. And I could see it. And that's why we became friends when we did. And now you're full bloom, girl. I think I can't. I go to see the computer and I see joy and happiness and energy.
• 42:27
  But we have to give ourselves permission for that. And we have to give ourselves permission to be in the cocoon. We have to give ourselves permission. We're not all in the same place. And age just doesn't frigging matter. I coach women that are in their 80s that are rocking it, top executive coaches. And I'm looking at them and thinking,
• 42:46
  things are changing kelly yeah no it's wild you can and it's all free too you can go to dana you can go to kelly you can jump on youtube and get any i can go to rabbit holes of free coaching for free but i'm gonna if you listen to this podcast again you you we worked in lots of gems and i'm gonna give a couple more so for me magic happen
• 43:06
  to release when I forgave my parents. When I said, I forgive you because you did the best you could with what you had. They're human. So what role did forgiveness play in your healing journey? Because it was for me, it was everything. And you go, how can you forgive somebody who's so awful? You know, I did it for me, not for them. You know, we hear this a lot. I think that people get tripped up around this.
• 43:32
  My chapter in my book, The Universal Law of Forgiveness, was the hardest one because it's not a one and done. I had to revisit and revisit and revisit different versions of it. I had to also let go of what was done. If I could not let go, if I'm recycling and this is what we do, we think we forgive it and they're like, well, you did this. We save it in our back pocket for a rainy day.
• 44:00
  We're going to bring it up and say, yeah, well, that's all great. But you know what? Remember this? You know what? Exactly. I forgive my mom. She did her very best. Does it take away...
• 44:11
  what I perceived, my filter, what I perceived and what I heard. Did she mean that? Probably not. Did I receive it? Yeah. I mean, it altered my life, but I forgive her because she did her very best. She had five kids before 22. I mean, and lied to my dad. My dad thought she was much older, you know, and she looked like Elizabeth Taylor. She was gorgeous. And I'm thinking, you know, everything about her. I look at her now and I admire her. She's done incredible things. Is she perfect? Oh, no.
• 44:38
  Oh, no. But I also look at her pain. I look at all of it. And then I look at my dad, too. And I think I love you. I love you. And I'm thankful you gave me the gift of never, ever, ever, ever, ever picking up alcohol. And there I am surrounded by it. Alcoholism. And I call in a lot of it as well. I coach a lot of it. And I just did a sobriety summit where I spoke. But this is the deal, Kelly.
• 44:58
  If we look at it as a gift, what did you give me? My mom, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing and be able to change so many lives had I not lived that life with her. It is our choice to heal. We chose to heal. Our greatest power is the right to choose. We could sit there and lick our wounds, visualize blaming everybody here. I'll just do a cigarette, blaming everyone, a beer. Yeah, they made me and life is there. You see those people out there.
• 45:27
  You know, and you're like everywhere, everywhere. Or we're like, oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Everywhere. And then we're like, oh, wait a minute. I have the right to choose. It's my greatest power. Why would I give that up? Why would I give that up? So we're getting up against it. I want to I want to sneak in a few more questions. And one of them is very pointed. And I'm only asking this out of love because I want the people to hear this. Have you forgiven your I believe he's your ex-husband now, right? Have you forgiven him?
• 45:50
  It's soon. It'll be, I think, final in September. And I delayed on filing. That's a big story. I had a hard time letting go. I had a hard time with that. I'm picking up. I'm your friend, and I'm saying this in love. I'm picking up a still little bit of... You know what? This is the first time I've talked about it. I can edit this out if you want. No, no, no. People need to know. I want you to understand something. I'm picking up a little bit of animosity. There's no right way. There's no wrong way. I made myself wrong. I made myself...
• 46:19
  I hold space for both. In order to do that, I heal the version of me that now, it's like, you know, we say we're unstoppable. Yeah, I broke that final connection of needing someone to save me. And my belief system was as long as he was there, I was safe. And then when I found out this doesn't feel like love or safety, I had to get my head around pieces of that. There was love there too, but he did his very best.
• 46:48
  You know, he wasn't capable of giving more, but yes, I, I forgive him. And you know what? My book originally was going to be all about the atrocity and the violation and the stories of what happened, which were, I'm never going to share their mind blowing. I'm never going to share them out of respect for him. Every time we talk, it's so quick. You know, here's an unknown thing. I'm sure you went through this. I think one of the most cathartic things is to write a book about your life.
• 47:12
  I cried so much and let so much go that I thought I'd healed just by writing the words on the thing. That's why you got to journal people. So what's your favorite way to shift your vibration in real time if it gets off?
• 47:27
  I love to stop. I love clapping my hands because it actually generates your heart chakra. You know, I believe that everything should go through the heart. The heart only knows harmony. The soul only knows harmony. If people can identify that everything else is the ego negotiating with you and they're over there negotiating and struggling. So basically what I do is I, even in between clients, you know, I'm...
• 47:52
  People call me a workaholic. I'm so frigging blessed that I get to get up. I love getting up at 3 a.m. I love my meditation. I love that connection. I love working around the globe. It's like, it doesn't feel like work to me. You know, I'm just lit up. I'm thrilled they found me. I'm always in awe. Like, how did you find me? Oh, I listened to a podcast in Australia and you said you hit a wall and slid down it and I just had to find you. And I'm like, really?
• 48:16
  So you never know what's going to move someone. And, you know, maybe right now they need to know this. Breath work is important. I breathe. I hydrate. I make sure that I'm taking care of myself, that I'm drinking protein through the day. It's a slippery slope to, you know, to just lean on. I clap my hands, which, boom, opens up the heart chakra. I make sure that I'm processing there. And I say, does this feel like love? Not let me overthink it.
• 48:41
  Overthinking is the number one thing people do to keep them, and I'm going to say it, stuck. People are never stuck. Situations are. They're thought processes. And they're thought processes, just a pattern. And your life is following the pattern. Just identify it. Step back. Say, oh, isn't that interesting? And identify it.
• 49:00
  And there's a huge step right there. And we want these quantum leaping. We want to quantum leap continually. And just one step at a time. I didn't lose this weight overnight. Felt like it. But it was one step at a time. You saw me out there walking in the wind, the rain. I stayed consistent. You know, I say we don't have a commitment problem. We have a consistency problem to the wrong commitment. You know, so stay consistent to the commitment that you want. But get very clear on that. Because the...
• 49:29
  your life is going to follow whatever you're committed to. Oh, we're consistent. Well, everybody's consistent, but just consistent on the wrong thing. Yeah, to the wrong commitment. Yeah, I was like, wow. I was consistently freaking with my alcohol, but now I don't know. Yeah, exactly. I was consistent with my, so I say we don't have a consistency problem. We have a commitment problem. What do you want to commit to? And when you commit to it, it's not a one and done. It's not a one and done.
• 49:50
  recommit, have grace. Say, you know what? It took me this many years to get here. I'm going to have some grace and what's getting in my way and who's getting in my way. And what am I attaching it to? What am I making this mean about me? So sometimes stories come in and I can make it mean something about me. And it always goes to, they didn't like me. I'm not worthy. It used to. Now it's like, it wasn't. You didn't like you.
• 50:11
  Yeah, I didn't like me. Exactly. I didn't think I was worthy. But now I'm like, it didn't align. It didn't align. But it will. And then people will come back. And it always surprises me. They're like, oh, I want you to speak it. And I'm like, really? I love that. That's the biggest self-aware. That's when you know the ego is out because they came back.
• 50:28
  I want two more questions and I'm going to get you out of here because I could talk to you for hours. Fellas, we have a big male contingency. Dana, I want you to answer this and I want you to think about this for a second. What's the biggest energetic lie women are told today? That they have to do it all.
• 50:46
  That they, and I'm going to, I'm going to link that into the art of comparison. We live in a world of social media where people go out there and I work with a lot of women and a lot of math, they compare and compare. And then they, it's unrealistic what they, they don't even connect to what it is they're, they're here to do. They don't see that because they think they've got to do something or the stories they've heard.
• 51:12
  And I work with a lot of people that are, they're attorneys, they're doctors, they're professionals. They never wanted to be that. But the story they heard was you need to do this. And so they don't give themselves permission to do what it is they're here to do. I thought I had to be an attorney. And if I wasn't an attorney, I wasn't worthy. No matter what I did, it wasn't going to fill my cup. I gave myself permission to be a life coach. I can't even tell you, you're a life coach. What do you do? What? Huh? Oh, yeah.
• 51:38
  I would never hire one of those. I don't care. But, you know, it's give yourself permission to do what you love. Follow your passion, your joy. And that means discipline, too. That means you anchor in. If your belief system...
• 51:53
  is skewed, and it's someone else's stories, you're never going to give yourself permission to do what it is you're here to do. And what a travesty. Because the world needs you. You went there. Because I was going to say, because when I ask questions, I start thinking, I would say that you have to look a certain way. And then I was going to go to social media and say, when you see women...
• 52:14
  wearing the big eyelashes, the lots of makeup, wearing filters, showing shots of their breasts. It's like, you don't, you have to be emotionally intelligent in my opinion and be intelligent. And then the right people will attract to you. I don't think it has to look a certain way. There's so many people out there that it's just like Jamie Kerlima and everybody just is breaking that spell. I think you just need to be you.
• 52:42
  Love yourself. I do get people say that, well, if I had a symmetry, I'm like symmetry, look a certain way. I just had someone send me a, I get a lot of this. I just love the fact you've never had a nose job. And I'm like, what? I got the smallest nose in my, I never thought I needed one. But you know, loving ourself means we don't dissect and compare. I can't imagine not having this nose. I can't imagine not having size 12 feet. I can't imagine not having these hips, but I'm going to tell you 12 feet.
• 53:09
  I do. I have size 11. Oh, yeah. I'm going to tease you. Yeah, those sparkly boots that you said, oh, those are size 12. And guess what? I'm tall and my hips are big and I hated them growing up. You know I went to the doctors in my 20s and 30s twice and said, can we break the hips so I can be that boyfriend? And someone just said, I just had a fashion person work with me that wanted to work with me. She goes, man, I just am dying to work with you. Your waist is so tiny and those hips. And I'm like...
• 53:37
  What did you say? But it didn't trigger me. It didn't trigger me. She said, they're just gorgeous. And I'm like, I never thought they were so gorgeous. I wanted the tiny waist and the tiny hips and the big booty. We always want what we don't have. You're making my point for me. You don't have to look a certain way. I find.
• 53:53
  I find everything about you beautiful and not even just the physical. It's energy. That's what I want to ask you. I'm going to sneak in one more question because I know you're going to go there. You say energy radiates 15 feet out. What kind of energy are you walking into a room today with? Peace, power, or don't test me?
• 54:12
  Oh, I never walk in with don't. I walk in with show me the money. Show me money will follow authority. I walk in in my authority and I call in what I need. Yes, you do. I I'm building a legacy here. Money is not a dirty word. Money is something that it is our currency. It is an energy that will follow us if we believe we're worthy enough. And if we are not the authority in our life and we make someone else the authority, money is going to follow them.
• 54:40
  So I walk into the room, my authority, I will attract what I need to attract and I will connect with the right people that are energetically that see me and I see them. It's crazy. You know, when we go into a room, we just we just like, boom, we connect with certain people.
• 54:57
  It's not because of their, their beautiful. It's about their energy to speak something to us. And we're like, we need to know them. And there's something about them. It's like you and I, it's like I stood next to you. I'm like, I need to know him. What is going on? I love his story. I love where you came from. I love how you feel. I love your personal journey. I love your discipline. I want your muscles. Can you just like give me 2% of that? You know, it's like.
• 55:18
  Yes, I will give you anything. All you do is ask. We're up against it. But I got one more question about the book. And it's what do you want readers to feel after finishing the truth within the lie? I want them to I'm going to use the word grace again. I want them to forgive themselves for all the things, all the things that they've done. I want them to know there are so many modalities that there's so much available to them. If they are able to just shift their mindset, where they can look at it from a different perspective, they might incorporate
• 55:48
  or they might start walking or they might list, they might identify with my story. And I give many stories. I mean, I could have written like, well, my originally was 400 pages. We cut it down to 200 pages. If, if something speaks to them and they changed their life, boy, my job is done. I, that's what I want. I want them. I don't care. I'll turn myself inside out. I don't care what people think of me. Someone said the other day, Oh, it looks like you were a drug addict. Well, probably so. Yeah.
• 56:16
  200,000 milligrams of Demerol a month and my legs almost lost them. And yes, it was a prescription. Yes, I trusted the person. But yeah, probably so. And I'm, you know, and I'm the one that spoke about it. But I'm like, there's, I don't want them to shame themselves. Shame will kill your future.
• 56:34
  Love yourself through that. I love the version of me that didn't was so terrified of the pain, so frightened that she didn't know what to do. I go back and I love her the most because that's the one that people like to attack the most. I'm like, well, good luck. She lives back there. She she doesn't. She's not here anymore, but I'm here and on to take me on.
• 56:54
  I absolutely love this. Guys, there was so much goodness in this episode. Please share it. Please forward it to anybody that this will help. Dana is, all of her contact information will be in the show notes. I'm going to leave it with a little personal note. I'm going to, my version. You are safe, you are loved, and you are okay. And show up as the real you, and you will live happier than life.
• 57:18
  I love you all. Till next week, be harder than life. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Seagull supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit trustntm.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.