Latest / Rock My Finances / Soul Sister Series: What are Little White Lies and are they harmful? Episode #10

Transcript

Soul Sister Series: What are Little White Lies and are they harmful? Episode #10 · Rock My Finances

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Unless specifically indicated otherwise. The content expressed or my views only,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and not necessarily those of Life Pro Asset Management LLC.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: The content presented is in no way in investment advice, solicitation,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: or an offer to sell securities or investment advisory services.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: The material is provided for general information and educational purposes
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: based upon publicly available information and sources believed to be reliable.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I cannot assure the accuracy or completeness of these materials.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: As such, the information in these materials may change at
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: any time without notice. Reference to these discussions about IELs
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: and annuities or fixed insurance products. Investments on fixed insurance
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: products are different from investments on the stock market. Any
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: guarantees provided by a fixed insurance product cannot be assumed
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: to be guaranteed for any other investment.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Welcome to de Rock my Finances show on k FORHD
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: in finance joint powerhouse Jenifer Jos CDFA CMC and Private
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Wealth Advisor, as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: control and confidence with your money, your way. It's not
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: find out now here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, so glad you're back to join us. I'm
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: just gonna bring on the Soul Sisters right now. Come
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: on down. We got Karen, Peterlan Denise. You've seen it before,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: and if you haven't, go check out our other episodes
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: in our Soul Sisters series. We probably started out pretty professional.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: We're now in pajamas and I have zero makeup, only
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: a little little births bees lip color because I looked dead.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Other than that, we are here, all authentic, truthful self.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: We love to dish. We love to talk about everything.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: This group of beautiful ladies. We have been together for
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: many years now. We text on a daily basis. We
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: are even getting videos now. Marco Pauloin we meet once
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: a month virtually. We get together for our retreats. So
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: we know each other pretty well. Good, bad, and the ugly.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Really try not to call them on stuff that they
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: don't want to be called onto. But I just got
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: told that I would anyways, and they might be right.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I just know myself, So stay tuned, and if you
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: are live with us, please jump on, ask questions, dish
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: with us, or comment one our maizing engineer, Thank you one,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: we love him. He will put it flashing on the
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: screen and somebody will take that over. So anyways, glad
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: to have you. Today is little white lies. I know
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: no one has done that. We've never told lies. We
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: are one pet One's already shaking her head with that
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: little cute smirk. How adorable is that? Oh No, I'm
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: June Cleaver. I don't know.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Missus Brady compared to Oh my god, right.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: What is missus Brady's name? Marcia's mom?
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Me?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Right? Little trivia here.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Carol, Carol, I'm more like Bewitch's mother.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: And do we're gonna call you? And I freaking love that.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I kind of feel like the animals when I'm not
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: opposed to Okay, tangent, Okay, So today is on little
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: white lies? Do we tell them? Do we tell them
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: with certain people? How do we feel when they tell them?
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Are we trying to make the conversation flow or trying
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: not to embarrass someone? Do little white lies? Do big
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: white lies? And where do they turn from white to
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: brown or blue or whatever? So I made all that
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: crap up right there. Okay, So definition of little white
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: lies and the Wikipedia and all the stuff that I
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: looked at is just part of society and the social
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: norm of trying to be sociable without trying to be
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: polite and not you know, being awkward in a social
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: social situation. I get that. Do I look fat in
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: the stress? No, you look amazing. I wouldn't say you
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: look amazing if you didn't look amazing. So maybe that's
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: a gender thing. If you can think of one little
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: white lie that you remember telling, Oh, that's a good one.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: Got so far back right, yesterday, five minutes ago, whatever,
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: I don't remember.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm trying to think myself. Anybody have
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: one that they can remember?
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, can you say that again?
• 4:41
  Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I think I'm freezing up a little bit.
• 4:43
  Speaker 6: I might have to pop out pop back in again.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and when was the last time you told a
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: little white lie? What was it? Yeah, you're gonna have
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: to pop out, Denise, see ya, go ahead, Peter Lane.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: At least at least you froze on a great smile.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, on the pros.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: I'll be thinking about that question.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I'll be right back. We love technology. Okay, what's your
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: what do you remember?
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Well, it's it was kind of it's kind of a
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: heavy subject.
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: I fed we love mom and my mom and told
• 5:19
  Speaker 5: her that I would be going to confession.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, not a little white lie.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: It's probably a mortal lie.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: It's probably more of a black lie.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: It's like just laughing in the background, like not to
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: as they that.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: Is not.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: That's true. I guess I don't.
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: I can't remember when I told a little white It's
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: because I mean, I mostly talk to people who are
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: I'm close to, so I don't really lie to you guys,
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: at least not that I remember.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, so here's a question. Can you lie by omission?
• 5:57
  Speaker 7: Yes?
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: Sure, don't you think Karen? Absolutely? Yeah? Yeah, absolutely? Is
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: it technically a lie?
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Right? Is it technically yeah? We're deciding it is now
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: so we can be the judge injury. You're in a relationship, Karen,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: tell me any like you would probably have an experience
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: of telling little white lies.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Everybody sees this except Kelly right.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Right in the past, all of your millions of men
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: and all your hundreds of relationships. How about one, Oh,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: something really nasty, But I won't I'll text you guys
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: that because it's really hilarious.
• 6:45
  Speaker 8: You know, it's this, you know, it's like it's not
• 6:49
  Speaker 8: it's not you know, like it's not specifics, right, and
• 6:54
  Speaker 8: it's like.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Was it good for you? Honey?
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it was great, Thank you, Petland, thank you.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: I don't lie about that ship.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: It's either you know, I mean, it's if you're if
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: someone's going to ask that.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Kind of question, then you're going to get the answer.
• 7:13
  Speaker 8: Well no, but I mean it's like, well that that
• 7:16
  Speaker 8: tells me a lot about that person, Like, well, it's like,
• 7:18
  Speaker 8: you know, you should know if it's good for me.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, because I can't. They're not mind readers,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: but they don't have to be mind readers.
• 7:28
  Speaker 8: Well body readers, right, No, I mean pay attention.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah like that.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, so here's one for you. I did this a
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: lot in my last marriage.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: And you don't get to answer the question.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: This is gonna spark her. This is gonna spark her
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: too long. Gong. He would always ask me where do
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: you want to go eat?
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And I knew that he loved Italian and I would
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: always process my of Okay. I like Thai food, I
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: like Indian food, I like Mexican food, I like Japanese food.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I like everything. I'm over Italian, right, But I would
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: never say that because he didn't like any of those.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So my little white lie would be sure, we can
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: do Italian. I know, you know, I'll find something there,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: when in reality, I'm like, I'd really like to go
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: get some pat Tai right now or something. So I
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: call that a little white lie. What do you think? Codependent?
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: Little is she?
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: Yes? And yes, shut up? Shut up, you asked, Yeah.
• 8:35
  Speaker 8: It's not speaking your truth, right, and you're putting you know,
• 8:40
  Speaker 8: the other person's.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: And there's the only way I'm putting someone else's knees
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: before your own.
• 8:44
  Speaker 8: Obviously we do that as humans sometimes it's like it's
• 8:47
  Speaker 8: not all about us all the time. But you know,
• 8:49
  Speaker 8: when ask this specific question like that, it's like if
• 8:52
  Speaker 8: they really want to know, which he probably really did
• 8:55
  Speaker 8: want to know, right, like, well then that's a whole
• 9:00
  Speaker 8: that's a conversation for you all to have.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm single, Well, but you know what I mean.
• 9:06
  Speaker 8: It's like it's like do you know, it's like do
• 9:08
  Speaker 8: you really want the answer to that or do you
• 9:10
  Speaker 8: want me to say Italian?
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Oh and that's a great statement, right, do you want? Yeah?
• 9:16
  Speaker 8: Because I mean, then then you can be honest and say,
• 9:18
  Speaker 8: but yeah, I mean it was that? Was that a
• 9:20
  Speaker 8: little white lie? Probably because deep down you really wanted
• 9:23
  Speaker 8: sushi or something else, right, you.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Know, so being the question, well that's what okay? So
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: then that that actually does lend All of this lends
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: to what I read is little white lies are normally
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: in social activities not to make someone else feel awkward.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: So it's not necessarily with us because we're close and
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: we can say it, or maybe even a relationship because
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: you should be able to say it. But in a
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I go networking, so networking or conferences or church or
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: rotary or something like that, maybe we're more prone to
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: little white life of maybe acquaintances or people that we
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: don't know. Does that make sense, hmm?
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Maybe maybe when.
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: I was younger, when I was younger, maybe you know,
• 10:15
  Speaker 5: now it's kind of if I have to lie at
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: this age, you know, two acquaintances, I'm doing something wrong.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: That makes sense.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with that.
• 10:29
  Speaker 8: I agree with that too, especially if someone asks you
• 10:33
  Speaker 8: a very direct question and that's where you said, like,
• 10:37
  Speaker 8: well lying biomission, and it's like sometimes it depends on
• 10:40
  Speaker 8: the question though, and there's there's so many variables to that, right.
• 10:43
  Speaker 8: It's like and you can praise the question, right, and
• 10:46
  Speaker 8: if someone says, oh, do I look fat in this dress?
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: You know, it's one of those touchy questions, and it's like, well, honey,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: you look fat all the time, but that dress is awesome.
• 10:58
  Speaker 7: Was going to come up with it as an example
• 11:01
  Speaker 7: because I was thinking about that with In the past,
• 11:05
  Speaker 7: I have told people, yeah, they look great, and I
• 11:09
  Speaker 7: would never do that now Now I'm one hundred percent honest,
• 11:11
  Speaker 7: and I would say, well, it's probably not the most
• 11:13
  Speaker 7: flattering thing that you have in your closet. Or I
• 11:16
  Speaker 7: might say, you know, know, your butt doesn't look big
• 11:19
  Speaker 7: in that dress or that pair of pants, but the
• 11:22
  Speaker 7: camel toe you got on the trade the pants for
• 11:27
  Speaker 7: something else, girlfriend, because we're not going to be seen.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: The public life.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Oh and by the way, change your lipstick color. Oh
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: my god, I've said that to people I actually have.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I have.
• 11:39
  Speaker 7: I have a friend who does not have a flattering
• 11:42
  Speaker 7: lipstick color on her. It's her favorite one. And I
• 11:46
  Speaker 7: went there because I felt like.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: She still talked to you. Oh you just grows, that's hilarious,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: but you still.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: Talk to you. Denise oh darn.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, we gotta take pictures of this. This
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: is freaking hilarious.
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: Am I still yeah, caused a pregnant paw called a
• 12:25
  Speaker 6: pregnant pause?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not on video? All all right, yeah you do,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: because you're freaking hilarious.
• 12:40
  Speaker 6: I'm like, that's called a pregnancy pause.
• 12:45
  Speaker 8: No, it is, Okay, everybody, Simon says, Simon says.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Denise said, oh my god, that is hilarious. Okay, all right, so,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: oh lord, yeah that's better.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: She really freeze that way.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: That is so awesome. I'm sure everybody else on the
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: podcast is bored as hell, but we're having a whtch.
• 13:15
  Speaker 8: Remember what mothers used to say that, you know, don't freeze,
• 13:18
  Speaker 8: freeze that way.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: There you go it.
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: The wind will change and you're feel freeze that way.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I love it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, So, since we are all perfect and we're old
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: as hell and we don't lie anymore and we don't
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: have any white lies and we're ready to tell the truth,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: you guys are making this boring as hell. So now
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: let's dive into a little bit deeper. Just lies in general.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Do you know that one person? Okay, let me even
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: back it up a little bit exaggerating the truth. Do
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: you have that one friend that exaggerates. Okay, my mom
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: was a huge exaggerator. She's adorable and she was Pollyanna,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: which is why she's ninety she'll be ninety one and
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: she's still alive, kicking an happy hell because she's Polly Amna.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: She doesn't play in this world of reality of all that,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: and so the way she would exaggerate, I find myself
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: doing the same thing. Right, I'll say something to my kids,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: only to my kids, and Journey will say that, ah,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: so not true because I'm like, oh, it'll be fine,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: that's great. No, that's not a brown recluse spider. You're
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: gonna be totally fine, totally brown recluse spider hospital event
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: and everything. But no, it's fine, You're gonna be fine.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: So how about exaggeration. Do you experience that? Do you
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: recall doing it? Does anybody in your life do that?
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: Does it drive you crazy?
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: I have had people in my life who do that.
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: I am usually accused of understating what's going on.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Example, please, well, like, if.
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: Something's going on with me that doesn't feel good, you know,
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: I don't lie, I just understand. I credit that to
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: my British upbringing. We you know, I mean if you
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: say I don't feel well, to say you don't feel
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: well means you don't feel well.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Otherwise one wouldn't say they don't feel well. So, you know, yeah,
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: I kind of.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Just went to England there for a moment. Okay, Karen, exaggeration.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Do you haven't have been in your life that exaggerates?
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm dating a fisherman.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: This way.
• 15:43
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, I mean so yeah, there's sometimes there's a
• 15:51
  Speaker 8: little bit of you know, like to emphasize a point.
• 15:55
  Speaker 8: You know, I have people in my life and I
• 15:56
  Speaker 8: think I'm sure I've done it as well, you know.
• 15:59
  Speaker 8: Sometimes of you know, I know I have you know
• 16:03
  Speaker 8: where it's like like over exaggerating to try to make
• 16:05
  Speaker 8: a point, or.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to think of an example. I know you're
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: gonna ask for examples. I'm like, I have any examples.
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: But is it that we that we It sounds like
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: exaggeration because we're trying to communicate a feeling.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: More than a fact, more than a data point.
• 16:25
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, that's that actually probably, yeah, Because you know,
• 16:28
  Speaker 8: it's it's so funny. I think one of the words,
• 16:30
  Speaker 8: one of the things that kind of drives me crazy
• 16:32
  Speaker 8: when people say literally and it's not literal.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: That's a whole grammar thing. We can go off on
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: that tangent.
• 16:38
  Speaker 8: But the sky was literally purple, Like no, no, it
• 16:44
  Speaker 8: wasn't purple.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you ruined that for me. You know,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going to ruin something for you.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Oh don't you like about my output? Go ahead, tell me.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: It's not you.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: When they say I'm going to be a hundred percent
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: and honest, what do you are you normally eighty percent honest?
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: Like what the hell? I'm gonna be?
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: Like?
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: What is? That's so cute? So I get it. So
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: literally now I'm gonna be texting you every time.
• 17:11
  Speaker 8: Literally literally, So now i'm literally from your ass.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: That's great, Yeah, exactly.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I'm bored. So you know, hey, no one's talking to
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: me this early in the morning, and so I got
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: to talk to somebody. That's hilarious. Okay, Denise is back.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: They're boring, they never lie, they're perfect, they are and
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I can barely hear you.
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: So I'm still trying to figure this out.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: We got you, though, we got you, So you just
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: let us know when you're ready to chime in. All right,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: last of time. Second, because I can't I can't hear you.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Guys can.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Use ear pods.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: I've got my ear pods in.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, you got that electronic stuff that's not good for you.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Let's have that stretch.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: I'm kidding.
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: Turn it, eh, turn, We hear you really well.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we hear you.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Okay. So exaggerating, Okay, So this is when to me,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: it becomes a problem when you can't trust what they say.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm a big dysfunctional childhood growing up with trust
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: issues and codependency and all of that. So when you
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: don't say, think and do the same thing, I start questioning.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: So when you're maybe exaggerating or a little white lying to me,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: that lends. And then you go and do something completely
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: different than what you just told everybody that you like
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: or don't like. And then you like, I'm a vegetarian,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: you eat a steak. Oh my god, my trust is
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: totally blown with you. That brings up all my oh
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: there are line sex shit kind of thing. So that's
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: kind of why I thought it would be a good
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: topic because it does lend into our previous topics. Go
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: check out the other episodes. Just saying with the integrity
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So, Denise, are you here.
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: I'm with you.
• 19:16
  Speaker 6: Hopefully you guys can hear me.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: What was your little last your last little white lie?
• 19:22
  Speaker 6: Oh my god, I was so focused on getting back
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: into this call.
• 19:25
  Speaker 7: I didn't even think about my last little white eye.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: Off the top of my head.
• 19:32
  Speaker 7: Though I would think if I were to pick a
• 19:35
  Speaker 7: little white lie, it probably has to do with not
• 19:38
  Speaker 7: hurting somebody's feelings.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: Okay, so.
• 19:44
  Speaker 6: I got one, which is awful because I hate lying.
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: It's like my big core.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Thing, which is so different than the rest of us
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: So oh my gosh.
• 19:54
  Speaker 7: Yeah, you guys love it and feed off of it
• 19:56
  Speaker 7: and lie in my face every damn day.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: Right, No for me, little white I don't know what
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: you cover already, but little.
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: White lies could be a slippery slope.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: I don't like them.
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: It doesn't feel good whatever I say. One like people
• 20:10
  Speaker 6: that know this about me.
• 20:11
  Speaker 7: I worked really hard to go to math, so I
• 20:14
  Speaker 7: wouldn't tell a little white lie.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, which we can go back to. But I.
• 20:22
  Speaker 7: Listened to my niece playing the violin recently, a brand
• 20:26
  Speaker 7: new song for her, and so the little white lie
• 20:31
  Speaker 7: would probably be you know, at the end of a performance,
• 20:34
  Speaker 7: you clap and you say, oh.
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: My god, that was amazing, that was so good. I'm
• 20:38
  Speaker 6: sure I said something to that effect, even though it
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: might not have been so good, like it'll be better
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: once she's had time to practice it. But I'm also
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: not wanting to crush her her feelings as she's learning, right,
• 20:54
  Speaker 6: I want her to keep playing, and she loves playing
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: for Auntie.
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: So I want that.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Perfect example of a little white lie because it's not
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: meant to do any malicious Oh god, it's literally just
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: to be something positive. So that's the true definition of
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: the little white lie. Now let's go into what you said,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: which we really like, the slippery slope. How is that
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: a slippery slope?
• 21:19
  Speaker 6: Well, I think it can be a slippery slope because
• 21:21
  Speaker 6: I think, I think, well, I know, my definition of
• 21:26
  Speaker 6: a little white lie would probably be very different from
• 21:28
  Speaker 6: all of yours and everyone else.
• 21:30
  Speaker 7: In my world, right, all my family, my friends and clients,
• 21:34
  Speaker 7: even people that I know, And.
• 21:40
  Speaker 6: There could be gray area, right in terms of all
• 21:43
  Speaker 6: agreed you guys already all agreed about Okay, great, well, okay,
• 21:47
  Speaker 6: So here's an example because this came up for a
• 21:50
  Speaker 6: friend of a friend she was dating this guy, and
• 21:53
  Speaker 6: she asked the typical question.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: No, this is not me.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: You guys will know this.
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: I'm nothing. I share my shit like I'll share you
• 22:00
  Speaker 6: my stories like I'm all been booked with that stuff now.
• 22:03
  Speaker 7: Right, Like there was a time I kept it all hidden,
• 22:05
  Speaker 7: but not anymore.
• 22:07
  Speaker 6: But this friend, her name starts with an S, but
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: she's a friend of a friend who started a data
• 22:12
  Speaker 6: man and asked the typical questions that you ask when
• 22:15
  Speaker 6: you start dating, right, I've shared this.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: With some of you, I think before.
• 22:18
  Speaker 7: She asked, you know, do you have a girlfriend, are
• 22:21
  Speaker 7: you rooming with anyone?
• 22:25
  Speaker 6: Are you seeing other people? Are you married? Are you divorced?
• 22:30
  Speaker 7: She asked all those questions and he said no to
• 22:33
  Speaker 7: every single question. And then when she later found out
• 22:37
  Speaker 7: that he was married but separated, and she confronted him
• 22:44
  Speaker 7: on that, he said, and this is what justified it
• 22:47
  Speaker 7: in his mind, making it a little white lie as
• 22:49
  Speaker 7: opposed to a full blown manifestent like a full blown lie.
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: Well, you never asked me if I was separated, so
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: I never lied to you, by buddy, which is well,
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: which I know. I don't know if you guys talked
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: about this, but mission, right, Like, like to me, that's
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: a bye bye, it's a hell yeah goodbye. But she
• 23:08
  Speaker 6: dated him for a long time because she assumed that
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: the question she asked him.
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: He was being truthful about and so like that to
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: me is a lie.
• 23:19
  Speaker 7: It's not a little white lie, right, But it's just
• 23:22
  Speaker 7: some people maybe that is.
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: And that's my point, Like, where do you draw the line?
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Point?
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: That's a great point.
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: Well, I mean there's something to be said for if
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: two people are showing up with the intention of dating
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: and you're asking each other, if they're otherwise committed in
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: any particular way, it's a prime opportunity to be honest
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: about one's relationships past, present, or future.
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: We all know what.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: We're there for. So if we're gonna, if we're gonna you.
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: Know, peel the onion or split hairs, then there's something
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: going on beyond you know, yeah, right.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Sure, that right, deliberate, Yeah, that's that's deliberate. But you know,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: I want to suggest, is that the distinction if.
• 24:03
  Speaker 6: It's deliberate or not, because maybe that's it.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: No, oh, that's matter.
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: I can see you guys, now, Okay, yeah, I didn't know.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: I like what Peelan said if you know they're asking,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: you know what she's freaking asking. Yeah, so if you
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: know what she's asking, you need to tell the truth.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: You know somewhere inside of you that you're lying inside
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: of you that's a lie.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: But see, that's how I feel about little white lies.
• 24:29
  Speaker 6: To me, that's it's still a lie and it doesn't
• 24:31
  Speaker 6: feel good.
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: Well, I don't think any of us are a disagreeing
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: in disagreement with that.
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah, none of us has.
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: Said that when the little white lies are okay, I
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: think they still feel shitty. We're still we're still lying
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: to somebody, you know, primarily ourselves, it may even be.
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: And so here's something I want to throw out there,
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: the lie, the little white lie, even if it is
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: a little white lie, we're actually primarily, I think, lying
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: to ourselves, because we'll tell ourselves that we're doing it
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: to save someone's feelings. True, I'm afraid that nine times
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: out of ten, or a high percentage out of ten,
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: we're doing it because we don't feel like dealing with what.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Everything else is going to be.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Exactly, and we don't want to we want to hurt
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: their feelings. They're asking the question, they're not asking the question.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: For you to lie. They're asking the question because they
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: want to know, but do they go.
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: But we do want to take the time to go
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: through the whole process. It's just easier just to because
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: it doesn't hurt anybody, you know, and so on, so.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Right, and so we're really saving.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I'm not talking about use. You're the exception to all
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: have you.
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: No, I'm not the exception. I'm just filtering. Thank you though.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: That's funny.
• 25:40
  Speaker 6: But I think you know, there are times when there's
• 25:43
  Speaker 6: a question that's posed and there's not a question that's posed, right,
• 25:48
  Speaker 6: And so that might be a difference because I do
• 25:51
  Speaker 6: make a very conscious point and maybe other people listening
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: do as well. I make a very conscious decision when
• 25:58
  Speaker 6: someone's asking me a question as to whether or not
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: I'm going to how like how I'm going to answer
• 26:03
  Speaker 6: it because I don't want to feel stuck in a
• 26:06
  Speaker 6: lie or trapped in a like For me, it feels
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: like it feels awful, Like we've talked about that, right,
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: it feels I feel guilty.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: I don't want that, and I.
• 26:14
  Speaker 7: Don't want to be trapped in a lie or stuck
• 26:16
  Speaker 7: in a lie like that line does not feel good,
• 26:19
  Speaker 7: And so why would I want to put myself into that.
• 26:21
  Speaker 6: I'd much rather.
• 26:24
  Speaker 7: Digest the question and answer it in a way that
• 26:27
  Speaker 7: feels better.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I have no time for that.
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: Well, and we don't have to get stuck in the lie.
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: We can get stuck in the question. We can read
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: the question and ask the question and answer the question
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: we'd rather be asked.
• 26:39
  Speaker 8: That's right, right, So going back to the so going
• 26:42
  Speaker 8: back to the original question, like what that I that
• 26:44
  Speaker 8: we kind of talked about is like, you know, does
• 26:46
  Speaker 8: my butt look at big in this stress?
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Or whatever? You can just rephrase the question to say, so,
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: what is it that you.
• 26:53
  Speaker 8: Actually want to know? What do you actually ask me?
• 26:55
  Speaker 8: Are you asking me about your butt? Are you asking
• 26:56
  Speaker 8: me if you look good in this stress over all?
• 27:00
  Speaker 8: And are there you know, what are your thoughts about that?
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: That's a different question.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Do you have to plant the only dress you bought?
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: You look amazing?
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: But are we doing the same thing that the guy
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: who answered the question exactly the way he wanted to
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: is doing.
• 27:19
  Speaker 8: No, because he's not asking the question what is it
• 27:22
  Speaker 8: that you really want to know? What she really wants
• 27:24
  Speaker 8: to know is are you truly available? Are you truly
• 27:28
  Speaker 8: free and single? Do you have anything else going on
• 27:31
  Speaker 8: in your world?
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: You would have said yes to that because in his mind.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Maybe maybe maybe not, maybe are you legally right?
• 27:39
  Speaker 8: Like are you legally bound to another human?
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: Like? And if he's separated, he might have still said.
• 27:44
  Speaker 8: Yes, Well, then he's an ass well because in his mind,
• 27:47
  Speaker 8: in his mind, but in his mind, in his mind,
• 27:51
  Speaker 8: he may feel like he's available.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: He does, yeah, you know, sure he does.
• 27:54
  Speaker 8: Yeah, but she yeah, that's I mean, but that's they
• 27:58
  Speaker 8: are legally and that situation, they are still.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Legally married legally.
• 28:02
  Speaker 7: You're absolutely right, right, And so the point of this,
• 28:05
  Speaker 7: too is you get to learn from it. You get
• 28:08
  Speaker 7: to learn from it and move forward on how you
• 28:10
  Speaker 7: ask certain questions that's right or like you like, to
• 28:14
  Speaker 7: your point, Karen, to your point, Karen, you're you're you're
• 28:17
  Speaker 7: dressing the friends, like, why are you asking? What specifically
• 28:22
  Speaker 7: are you looking for? And we've done this before and
• 28:25
  Speaker 7: I've done this with other friends. Are you wanting me
• 28:28
  Speaker 7: to provide you advice right now? Or are you wanting
• 28:31
  Speaker 7: me to be a listening ear right, because they're very
• 28:33
  Speaker 7: very different. Yeah, hold the basket, hold a bucket, right,
• 28:36
  Speaker 7: same kind of thing? Are you wanting me to compliment
• 28:39
  Speaker 7: you and fluff you so we can go out.
• 28:41
  Speaker 6: Are you you know, blow smoke up your butt where
• 28:44
  Speaker 6: you have dinormous spot that looks horrible and.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: You have done that for me. You remember that singles
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: event we went to and Wanta Creek at the Marriott.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I said, I need to know I look good right now?
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you are amazing. I'm okay, good, that's good.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Is the only dress I have? Okay. So here's the
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: question for that is how do you file your taxes?
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: I are you single? Are you single?
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: Married?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Filing jointly? Are you? That's how you know if they're
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: married or not?
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I know how you file on I know that exactly.
• 29:28
  Speaker 7: Funny because I was like, well this is funny because
• 29:31
  Speaker 7: I put in the turbo tax I put divorced, but
• 29:35
  Speaker 7: it switches it and makes me single.
• 29:37
  Speaker 6: So I'm like, well, that's not really what I put in.
• 29:39
  Speaker 6: And I've gone back to check. Did I put in
• 29:41
  Speaker 6: single a category?
• 29:45
  Speaker 8: But a lot of people what a lot of people.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: Ask about that?
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: But you know what, I stopped putting in divorce because
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: that's irrelevant anymore. I'm not divorced just because I was
• 29:56
  Speaker 5: married once. I'm single, right, that's right, you know.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: And it's like, just refused to put that.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Single.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's okay.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: That's so funny Denise that you was like you would
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: go back to check.
• 30:12
  Speaker 6: I don't think.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 30:17
  Speaker 6: It's so angraged. You ladies have no idea. Maybe you're
• 30:20
  Speaker 6: starting to Okay, then I want was like church Scouts family.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: In there.
• 30:31
  Speaker 6: Thou shalt not lie.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: That's Catholic for sure, totally burn in hell if you lie.
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: I was a big liar when I was a kid,
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: so I am doomed.
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: Man.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Did you do your work?
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, let's let's let's go back to childhood. We
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: all lie in childhood.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Not according to my mom. No, not.
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: According to my mom, I was the only one who
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: was a problem child out of all all the children
• 30:59
  Speaker 5: she had renew.
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, she's.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: My dad. I have to say. That is the one thing.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: In fact, I said it at his memorial. That is
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: what I learned from him was always honesty is the
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: best policy. And I tried to do that with my
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: kids as well. Like when there'd be a moral dilemma,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: you know, they would come to me and I'm always like,
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: if you can't tell the truth, then you tell them
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: you can't contribute to the conversation, like always, always, always,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I don't feel good, I'm going to do this instead
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: instead of I don't want to go down at whatever.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Just always so so when people don't do that. So, okay,
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: here's a good one.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Is that one of the reasons you're so outspoken, Jennifer,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: do you think.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, crazy, crazy? Yeah, and younger. I mean, you guys
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: know me now, guess I'll you know, put a thing
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: a T N T at my you're in the twenties.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, oh my god, I was crazy. I was crazy.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: So I learned how.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: To temper it temp and not.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Be friends with people who don't understand that I'm going
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: to be honest, like, don't in fact that boss.
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: I can't be friends with people who are liars. I
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: can't do it.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: No, yeah, not even liars, but lying by a mission Pollyanna,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I call my mom. I love her to death. But
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: always looking at the bright side and not looking at reality.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: It's not deep, not going deep, staying superficial. Everything's wonderful.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: The sun's out, the trees are green. Yeah, and you're
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: facing foreclosure, like let's you know, like whatever it is,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: but there's and I you know me and if you
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: don't go check out the other episodes of Law of
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Attraction plug plug plug. We definitely want to stay on
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: the positive side of the stick for sure, like that's
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: always and there is relativity, yeah, yeah, real positivity. If
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not really positive, you guys and you ladies know,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to come to you and say, okay,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: about a rough couple of weeks, I'm down. I can't
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: get out of the dumps whatever it is, Like, that's real.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: But someone that's always happy.
• 33:22
  Speaker 8: Yeah, look at the bright side. I'm like, look, I
• 33:24
  Speaker 8: don't want to look at the.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Damn right side right now. I want to be one
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: in this for like about five more minutes. Don't take me,
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: don't take my wallow away right now.
• 33:35
  Speaker 8: If I heard it once, I heard a million times
• 33:37
  Speaker 8: from my mom or my grandma, this too shall pass.
• 33:39
  Speaker 8: I'm like, you know what, right now, I'm in it
• 33:41
  Speaker 8: and they need you in it with me, help you.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: That's the true.
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: Sometimes you just want someone to commiserate with, because I
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: mean most I mean, unless unless people have a habit
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: of commiserating and staying there.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: With you ladies, it's just like I just I mean,
• 33:59
  Speaker 5: we were all coach, we all you know know actually
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: I think we all pretty much know how to get
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: ourselves out of things.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: Hi, Luna, I never.
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: But even Luna sometimes will say enough is enough and
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: I'm going to bite.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: You right but exactly.
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: But what I'm gonna say is that it sometimes you
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: just want somebody to commiserate. I think one of the
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: rarest things among us for and among coaches, is just
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: permission to commiserate together, because we're never allowed to and
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: so it's like it's a no no right. And it's
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: like for my friends, I don't need my friends to
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: be my coaches unless I specifically ask. I need my
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: friends to be co commiserators so that I can kind
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: of get the energy dealt with and then I know
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: what to do because I'm always going to get back
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: to that particular level of whatever inside of me. But
• 34:51
  Speaker 5: I'm kind of going through a funk and I just
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: don't want to feel like I'm the only one going
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: through it right now. I want someone to, like Karen said,
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: come be in it with me for a minute.
• 35:00
  Speaker 7: Know.
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: So I don't know how do you guys feel about that.
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: Do you do you want your friends to you know,
• 35:05
  Speaker 5: always kind of be the coach thing, or do you
• 35:08
  Speaker 5: do you want them just to be your friend?
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: And yeah, if I want, if I if I.
• 35:13
  Speaker 8: Need a coach, I'll call one of you, or I'll
• 35:15
  Speaker 8: hire a coach cunning for that type of work. But
• 35:21
  Speaker 8: they're you know, from a friendship perspective or like a
• 35:23
  Speaker 8: life perspective, there are just times where I want somebody
• 35:28
  Speaker 8: there to who gets me, who understands, who can validate
• 35:32
  Speaker 8: my feelings, who can empathize with what I'm going through
• 35:36
  Speaker 8: and not talk me out of it or anything, just
• 35:39
  Speaker 8: be there so I can process what's going on in
• 35:43
  Speaker 8: that moment at that time, so then I can you know,
• 35:46
  Speaker 8: move on and do what's next. But sometimes it's just
• 35:49
  Speaker 8: you know, when you're in it, you have to process
• 35:51
  Speaker 8: it and you need to be in it and you
• 35:53
  Speaker 8: need to feel it in order to move through it, right,
• 35:56
  Speaker 8: And so you guys are so great with that. You know,
• 35:59
  Speaker 8: I've had this that recent experience even just dealing with
• 36:01
  Speaker 8: the crap with my cats and was like, oh my god,
• 36:04
  Speaker 8: you know, just like I can't.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: Do this one more.
• 36:07
  Speaker 8: And I'm like you know, and almost on the verge
• 36:09
  Speaker 8: of tears and the doctor's office, I'm like, I got
• 36:11
  Speaker 8: to do this again.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: I can't believe, you know, and you guys.
• 36:13
  Speaker 8: Are there, and so it's just like, okay, you get me,
• 36:17
  Speaker 8: and then I can just go okay. Now, I'm like, okay,
• 36:19
  Speaker 8: now I can go into solutions mode. What am I
• 36:21
  Speaker 8: going to do about this? I'm going to move forward.
• 36:23
  Speaker 8: But it was just in that moment I needed to
• 36:25
  Speaker 8: process those feelings.
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I mean, Karen, I mean, you're you're we
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: always call in the you know CTI naturally creative, resourcefull
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: on hole. We're all naturally creative, resourceful and whole. And
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: I mean, this is our business, this is our code,
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: is what we do. We know how to do that.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: But but at it.
• 36:42
  Speaker 6: We're good, really good at it.
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: It's a luxury of just being able to be in
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: our ship sometimes, you know, that is.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: That's the humanity, you know, our humanity. Yeah, yeah, and
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: it's okay, yeah, and it's messy.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like in this world of positivity and Tony Robbins,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: we passed that step and it's necessary to have that
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: step in order to get to the next step. And
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: I think that we're so trying to get out of whatever,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: like you said, the funk that we're feeling in the issue,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: to get to the positivity in the mantras. And then no, no, no, no,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: it's like, wait a minute, you can't until you feel
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: this f word. We have to feel where we're out.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: We don't got to stay there for days, We got
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: to stay there for weeks and months, but we have
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: to feel that in order to move forward. And I
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: think that's what's missing in this new age positivity situation
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: and speaking me personally, I don't like to feel it alone.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I did for many years because I was embarrassed or
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: scared or whatever it was. But now I know that
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: I want to have accountability. I want to have someone
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: like you said, Karen, you get me. I want to
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: have that, and to that is if I were to
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: get into another relationship. That is why I want a
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: soft place to fall and I want someone to get
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: me to be able to be that. Here's a question
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: for you, though, When we have that and then they
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: say yes, okay, like Karen, the cat thing, bet Cat,
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: all the stuff, Oh my gosh, I forget it. That's
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: so frustrating for you. I don't know how you do it? No, no, no,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: And then when we go into our or if we didn't,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: but you know, at another down the road, if somebody
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: else were to go, oh when I did that, and no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: that's not time for my stuff.
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: I hate that.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: I hate that.
• 38:51
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, and I get why people do it.
• 38:55
  Speaker 6: Now now that I why why do people do it?
• 39:00
  Speaker 7: Well, this is my own experience, So I don't know
• 39:05
  Speaker 7: what you ladies think, but I do know that we
• 39:08
  Speaker 7: are pack animals, right, we try to find similarities and
• 39:11
  Speaker 7: we try we want to be liked and you know
• 39:14
  Speaker 7: all that junk, right, like we want to be like
• 39:16
  Speaker 7: someone and whatever. So what I notice is sometimes people
• 39:20
  Speaker 7: are trying to make a connection, and that's their way
• 39:23
  Speaker 7: of trying to connect.
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: Like how many of us know that when we say, oh.
• 39:28
  Speaker 7: My god, my back or someone else will be go,
• 39:30
  Speaker 7: oh my god, my back works too, my back, and
• 39:32
  Speaker 7: here's all my shit.
• 39:33
  Speaker 6: It's like, can I just have my back pain moment?
• 39:36
  Speaker 6: Like you always have to have it with me, you know.
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: But it's it feels like I hate it.
• 39:44
  Speaker 7: First of all, but at the same time, I now
• 39:46
  Speaker 7: feel like I can look beyond it and go, okay,
• 39:50
  Speaker 7: you're just trying to make a connection. So it might
• 39:52
  Speaker 7: be you know, I just experienced this with a grief
• 39:55
  Speaker 7: wave that I went through.
• 39:57
  Speaker 6: You know, you can bring up.
• 39:58
  Speaker 7: Grief and then like someone will else will you know,
• 40:02
  Speaker 7: almost feel like they got to tap you with oh yeah,
• 40:04
  Speaker 7: well my son tow died too, and then this person's
• 40:07
  Speaker 7: like you in I guess, But I think what it
• 40:12
  Speaker 7: really is trying to do is just it's it's a
• 40:15
  Speaker 7: person who might be trying to say I get what
• 40:18
  Speaker 7: you're feeling because I have experienced something similar or I
• 40:22
  Speaker 7: do experience it similarly, but.
• 40:25
  Speaker 6: They don't know how to say.
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: What we're talking about, like, oh man, that sucks.
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 40:32
  Speaker 7: They don't know how to be there with you in
• 40:34
  Speaker 7: the moment without bringing their stuff to the table. Yes,
• 40:38
  Speaker 7: and I know we're getting a way off topic, but no, no,
• 40:43
  Speaker 7: I feel I hear what you're saying about the grief,
• 40:46
  Speaker 7: and people definitely do that.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: I'm also going to add in there they can't be
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: with you and your feelings there, yeah, because they don't
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: want to go there and it makes them nervous and scared.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: And that's where the little white lives come in and
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: that's where they turn it into themselves and buy and
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: hijack the conversation because it's uncomfortable for most people to
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: just hold space for someone going through hell. Our society
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: is not good at that.
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't think they know how to do that.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: They don't know how to how to do that, right,
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: So they turn it around on themselves because that's what
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: they can talk about.
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: Okay, So I want to maybe here for.
• 41:29
  Speaker 6: Just a thought, maybe so many things I want to
• 41:31
  Speaker 6: respond to.
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: I think that we all do this for sure, all
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: of us, you know, go, you know, kind of go oh,
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: you know this is happening for me too, you know,
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: or whatever, or I've felt that or whatever.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: I certainly do that.
• 41:45
  Speaker 7: I never do that.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know you.
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: You're you're amazing. But I mean and and I can
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: hold space.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: I can do both.
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: But but I think I'm wondering if it has to
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: do with what is the intention and does that in
• 42:00
  Speaker 5: tension come across Is it an intention to go, wow,
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: I know what you're feeling, you know, perspective, you know,
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: see what, Let's let's compare our experiences from a kind
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: of a three hundred and sixty degree view and share
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: it together in a sense, does that help? If not,
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: If you just need somebody to listen to you, that's
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: that's great. That's good to know because then I can
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: definitely shut up. On the other hand, I think when
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: we're just when we're just sharing it's and we've all
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: done it, we all do it together too. It's like,
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: you know, we just kind of commiserate together and go, yeah,
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: this is you know, we we sort of. But but
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: then there's another way where you know, people there's you
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: just you do, like Denise said, you have the sense
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: of one upmanship, and that is that's that's an entirely
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: different thing, and they may not be meaning to do
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: that or they may, you know, so kind of what's
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: what's the intention?
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: That's that's great pick up. Yep.
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: Like always never get to have my own feelings with
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: my mom. She always like has to you know, But
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: is that my intention? I don't think that's her intention.
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: I think she's trying to connect, like Denise said, you know,
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: but but that's never how it comes across because it
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: always feels competitive.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: So now I'm going to jump in there and say, no,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: she can't hold space for you because she cannot handle
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: her daughter not being happy.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: Can handle their child.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: It's always mom's fault. So for her to be able
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: to hold space for you would be very difficult to have.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: I just did this with I just talked to somebody
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: about their dad not ever going to the hospital, not
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: doing anything, and I'm like, yeah, my dad never did either.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Like they can't handle that. They can't handle their women
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: not being This is old school thinking, but they can't
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: handle the women not being a one percent because they
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: can't fix it. They're not a surgeon, they're not a doctor.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: They probably caused part of it. They don't even want
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: to look at any of that, right, I cause a lot.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: So that's where they can't handle that, that space, and
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: it is not easy to hold space for other people
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: when you are involved with what happened.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: Well, when you suspect they think you are or whatever, yeah,
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: or you.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Think you were given without them thinking like codependence, right,
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: A codependence speaking here, I'm always involved in everything is
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: That's just my nature and that's hard. That was five
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: minutes left, Thank you on why are we talking?
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: So within the five minutes that we have left, is
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: there any poignant points that we want to make our
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: white lies. Okay, hmm, okay, they don't want to take
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: a stance.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: I think we have to decide who we're lying to,
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: ourselves or the person and why.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, So is it okay just to help somebody make
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: somebody feel better?
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: Well?
• 45:01
  Speaker 7: See, I would want to put out that everybody gets
• 45:04
  Speaker 7: to decide.
• 45:06
  Speaker 6: It's so hard, right, because I don't want to put
• 45:08
  Speaker 6: a judgment and say.
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: It's this way or that way.
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: Like everybody needs to decide what's right for them.
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: Why would he like to somebody to make them feel better?
• 45:20
  Speaker 7: Right?
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: It can't.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: That's the whole point.
• 45:22
  Speaker 8: It's not well yeah, and it's like it's not really
• 45:25
  Speaker 8: up to me to make someone feel better, Like it's
• 45:27
  Speaker 8: kind of up to them to make themselves feel better.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: Right. So I don't I wouldn't agree to that, but
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: I think.
• 45:34
  Speaker 8: That you know, if you know, if the truth does
• 45:38
  Speaker 8: more harm than good, then that's something to consider, right.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: And what's good? What's hard?
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Why is it your thought of what's good and
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: what's not?
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: Well? I mean yeah, I mean if if I there're.
• 45:52
  Speaker 9: All whole people judgment, yeah yeah, Well, but again I
• 45:57
  Speaker 9: think it depends on who are you talking to because
• 46:00
  Speaker 9: you know, yes, but it's like, you know, is somebody
• 46:03
  Speaker 9: in the the mental state to accept what I might
• 46:09
  Speaker 9: say or are they.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: Not in the you know, is that going to be
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: more harmful to them?
• 46:14
  Speaker 7: Right?
• 46:15
  Speaker 8: And so I think it just it's just going to
• 46:17
  Speaker 8: require a deeper dialogue or more questions.
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: I think.
• 46:20
  Speaker 8: I don't I don't think that it's a it's a
• 46:22
  Speaker 8: blanket yes or no. I mean, I know that's not
• 46:25
  Speaker 8: what you're looking for.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: But no, that's great.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: There's so many variables, right, and there are.
• 46:31
  Speaker 7: Yeah, for me, I feel like it has to do
• 46:34
  Speaker 7: with who. It might have to do with who you're
• 46:37
  Speaker 7: talking to. Who this person is, right, Like if it's
• 46:39
  Speaker 7: Joe Schmoe comes up to you off the street asking
• 46:42
  Speaker 7: a question like, you know, hey, can you.
• 46:47
  Speaker 6: Pay for my gas?
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: It's like, I'm not going to sit and have a conversation.
• 46:52
  Speaker 7: Well, you know, technically I can pay for your gas
• 46:54
  Speaker 7: because I have the money in my purse, but I'm
• 46:56
  Speaker 7: choosing not to pay for your gas because.
• 46:59
  Speaker 8: Of X y Z.
• 47:00
  Speaker 6: I might just go no and move on.
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: But that's a little white lie.
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: Like I can pay for his gap, or I can
• 47:07
  Speaker 6: give him five bucks or whatever, but I'm going to
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: be more mindful. I'm going to be more thought I'm
• 47:15
  Speaker 6: going to think about it more. If it's people who
• 47:17
  Speaker 6: I who really.
• 47:18
  Speaker 7: Mattered to me, you know you guys and family and like,
• 47:22
  Speaker 7: that's going to be more important for me to think about. Well, gosh,
• 47:26
  Speaker 7: if I say something or don't say something, is it
• 47:30
  Speaker 7: going to affect or hurt them or even myself? Like
• 47:32
  Speaker 7: you got you has probably discussed you know how things
• 47:35
  Speaker 7: hurt yourself.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: We have not discussed that, and we can't now because
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: we have two minutes left. I'm going to give you
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: all permission and tell me the absolute truth, no matter
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: when I ask, no matter what's happening, I always want
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: to know your truth, even if you.
• 47:47
  Speaker 6: Said just going to suggest that.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: For a month is going to hurt your feelings? Right now,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: do you still want to hear my truth?
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: Like, and that's a fair question. That's a fair question.
• 48:01
  Speaker 8: And then allow someone to say yes or no, because
• 48:03
  Speaker 8: I will.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: Say no if I'm in that vulnerable state that I
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: don't care what you think. I just need you to
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: hold space for me and tell me how amazing I
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: look in this dress even though my ass was big.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: So right, we want to be able to do that.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: I love that. Okay, Last thoughts, Peedeln.
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: I love being able to tell somebody the truth. So like,
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: like say an example, for Denise's niece, maybe you didn't
• 48:29
  Speaker 5: sound great.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: Maybe you don't say that that you sounded great.
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: Just as an example, maybe we say, gosh, I can
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: really hear how hard you've worked on it, you know,
• 48:37
  Speaker 5: or something, so we again we can change the question
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: to be really, you know, in whatever the instance is, and.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: Any of that.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: I love how you're playing right now. That is so
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: awesome how you're playing right now.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, Karen that I was going to actually say the
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: same type of a thing.
• 48:51
  Speaker 8: You know that we actually have the ability to shift
• 48:54
  Speaker 8: our answer in a way that is positive and reinforcing
• 48:59
  Speaker 8: without being so specific to say, you know, to lie.
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: To some line. My gosh, you're amazing. You should be
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: you know, you should you should be on tour, you know.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: As an example, right, you can tell me that anytime.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Final thoughts.
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: Final thoughts.
• 49:19
  Speaker 6: I think for me personally, it's been really important for
• 49:23
  Speaker 6: me to grow in my own personal growth of seeing
• 49:28
  Speaker 6: who I am right now and how important it is
• 49:30
  Speaker 6: for me to tell the truth, whether they're you.
• 49:33
  Speaker 7: Know, like not to try to do what we're talking
• 49:37
  Speaker 7: about instead of doing the little white lives, because it's
• 49:40
  Speaker 7: helped me be more in integrity and more authentic for
• 49:43
  Speaker 7: myself being, me being more honest and bringing in deeper
• 49:47
  Speaker 7: connections even when things are.
• 49:49
  Speaker 6: Hard to say, you're stel good about cultivating a community.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: Jennifer, your turn, No, that's perfect.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: Tell the truth, screw the white lies. Tell the truth.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: You might want to ask before you tell them, but
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: you got to tell them the truth. Forget the white lies.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: It doesn't do anybody any good. It doesn't build connection,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: doesn't remote relationship, brings up walls, don't do it. Next
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: thing is we're in our pajamas because we like to
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: be in our pajamas. This is my hair thing on Instagram.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: I don't always look like this, Actually I kind of do.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: And then I wanted to explain that's why we are
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: being authentic, truthfully, honest, and no white lies here. Awesome,
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: Love you, love you, love you. Check out the other
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: episodes and I hope you all can say I rock
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: my finances because there ain't no lies in my house.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: subscribe to the Rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer four pm Eastern one pm
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: Pacific every Thursday right here on K four HD Radio
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: and Talk for TV. It's not about the zeros, It's
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: about the F word. Feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait to
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: explore with you next week. Until then, let's all say
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: I rock my Finances