Latest / Cry It Out Loud: Navigating Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss & Pregnancy After Loss / Taking Control!

Transcript

Taking Control! · Cry It Out Loud: Navigating Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss & Pregnancy After Loss

• 0:10
  Cry It out loud a podcast, by chasing the rainbows with your
• 0:18
  host Bernice Quisenberry. This week's podcast episode is
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  called Taking Control, and it's with Bree and B.
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  Hey, Bree, thanks for joining me on video.
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  Of course. See you.
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  You too. Yes.
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  So we are here today because we are going to be discussing and
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  you know, putting ourselves out there about, you know, what it
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  was like after the traumas of losing our babies and then
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  having to return to everyday life and how we wanted to then,
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  you know, take control of different aspects of our life
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  and things that I never noticed or thought that I would need to
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  control or felt like I needed to have control over to basically
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  give myself that Peace of Mind or, you know, to basically make
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  sense of something that didn't make sense, you know, during the
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  traumatic events of everything with losing Brooke, right.
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  And. We had just went through, yeah,
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  'cause we just went through trauma and it was completely out
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  of our control. Like, every aspect of it was out
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  of our control. So suddenly we find ourselves
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  wanting to, like, grab on to any type of control that we can
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  possibly find to give ourselves some kind of stability and not
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  feel like we're spiraling. It is.
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  It's that stability and grounding almost, you know, like
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  taking reins and and anything that we can like you said,
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  because we were so just that whirlwind like it was a a
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  tornado. Spinning.
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  Yeah, yeah, literally spinning out and you know, finally just
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  getting some grounding. I guess that's that really is
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  the best way to say it. And you're so right.
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  And I think the the number one thing for me that I really
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  started to realize was when I didn't have everybody in my
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  family, my son and my husband, in the house with me and our
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  dogs. And if somebody was out of the
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  house, I felt like something bad was going to happen. 100%, yeah.
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  For that's just happened to me. It's OK.
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  I'm so I'm eight years out from Emma and 10 years out from
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  Landon, and I went away this weekend out of town.
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  I left my So my oldest went on a youth retreat with the church
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  and my husband and youngest stayed home.
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  So we were all in three locations.
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  I for four days I was away. I had to like.
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  I mean I just had constant anxiety.
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  It just weighed on me and it's like I want all my ducks home
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  where I can visually see them and I just when I got home and
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  everyone, like I was tracking them on an app to see where they
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  are and make sure they get where they're going.
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  Like even if my husband and daughter were just going down
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  the street to a restaurant like I was tracking because I was
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  obsessing over the fact that I had no control because they're
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  out of my sight and I can't control what's happening.
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  And like, I remember getting home Sunday night and we were
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  all in the same room and I. Finally felt like I.
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  I breathed for the first time like I just went and I really
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  like I was like thank you like we're all here and we're safe.
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  But I think it all stems from, you know, the trauma of my
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  losses and just not having any control over that situation and
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  like and so whenever I'm faced with another situation that I
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  have 0 control over, it's like it's it sparks the trauma all
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  over again. No, 100% I I agree with you and
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  then like you said because you are in so many different
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  locations and not that like we want to go to worst case
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  scenario but from our trauma from our grief, you know we
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  already like as a parent went through one of the worst
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  nightmares that a parent can go through.
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  We don't want to have to relive that again or or see, you know,
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  us lose another one of our children.
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  And realistically, like, I think if we're all together at least,
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  like if something happens, we're all together then.
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  But if we're not and we're all in different areas and you're
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  hours away, it's also saying, too, 'cause you're out of your
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  comfort zone. You know, you're out of your
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  house, which is our comfort. Safe space or should be, you
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  know, And then also away from, for me, being away from my
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  husband, because he really was my comfort during that time
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  because I felt like him and I were, you know, even if we had,
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  you know, some issues after losing Brooke and things like
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  that. But we were connected because we
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  were the ones that knew Brooke. And, you know, we're her
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  parents. And, you know, I felt like he, I
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  never really had to explain myself with him when I was
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  grieving. Like he just knew what I was
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  going through. And he could, you know, even if
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  he didn't or he wasn't grieving the same way he at least like,
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  understood where I was at. And being away from him and
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  having that, or having him be able to explain to people like
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  This is why she's upset. That's why she needed to step
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  away having him as my cheerleader, you know?
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  And your voice when you can't speak like when you don't, you
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  know you're not able to speak and he's like your your comfort
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  blanket and and your voice all at the same time And then when
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  that goes away you're you're left with and that's that is
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  kind of how I feel with my husband too.
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  Like you know he's my comfort. He's he's my steady.
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  Like I I feel off when we're not together and and and it's not a
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  good feeling. Yeah, like security.
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  I mean, you really do feel that sense of.
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  Yeah. Just that secure and comforting
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  from him. Yeah, absolutely.
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  Yeah. I also really had, like, bad
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  anxiety when my husband was driving or my son was driving in
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  a car with somebody and I have no idea why because, you know,
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  it's not like our daughter died, you know, in a car or anything.
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  But it was like. All around.
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  Yes. And I think like we go to like
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  and and like, accidents happen all the time.
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  We see them on the roads constantly.
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  And you know, if somebody has more than a two second commute,
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  it really freaks you out. And most accidents do happen
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  right by your house, you know. Yeah, and that's true.
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  I think those apps that show like them driving was the best
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  thing that ever happened to my anxiety, because I I can, like,
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  obsessively track without them knowing.
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  I'm like a freak. But because I know we.
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  Don't want to show? Watch.
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  I know, I know. And the other good thing too and
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  I don't know if you do this but if I hear sirens, I used to
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  before these apps came along if I heard sirens, I'm checking
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  like like are you OK. I hear sirens, you know, and but
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  I think it's that mentality of like, we're just so afraid of
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  loss because we've experienced such a traumatic loss that our
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  minds go to worst case scenario like I automatically if my
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  husband was supposed to be home at 2:20 and he's not home and
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  it's 225, I'm thinking he's in a ditch somewhere like I just my
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  brain just goes there. Yes.
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  And and you're right because we did go through these traumatic
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  losses and we do go to the worst case scenarios like we we play
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  it out because like we already were ripped of one of our, you
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  know, our children. And it's like I almost, it's not
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  that I want to think like this or anything because these are
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  automatic, right. It's like things that just make
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  happens now and it's like when's the other shoe going to drop?
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  When is the next like tragic thing going to happen?
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  When you're like pummeled, you know with loss after loss and
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  you know reoccurring losses and things like that.
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  It's like, Oh my goodness, just my when can we come up for air?
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  Yes, my my pastor calls them automatic negative thoughts.
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  Ants. Yeah, they're ants.
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  And they just like take over and.
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  And they're like. Like they're just all over you
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  and they can't. Like it's hard to get them off
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  of you because you just are constantly like your your brain
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  just goes automatically to it's it's another it's something
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  terrible it's another loss it's you know just because you know I
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  and and especially for us the our especially our first loss
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  with Landon it was so I mean they were both they were all
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  unexpected but like it was really out of the blue and and I
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  think now I am it's like I'm always peering around the corner
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  like what's coming next like what what what horrible things
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  up next you know because you just you've experienced and it's
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  kind of jaded your ability to see past you know and and not
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  assume it's going to be something negative or or
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  horrible. Well, yeah.
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  I think that, you know, after, you know, going through your
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  first baby loss, it takes away your innocence almost, if that
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  makes any sense. Because like you have that first
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  time experiencing a very significant loss.
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  And it's not that I didn't look at my grandparents as a
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  significant loss in grief, because I did, you know, I did
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  grieve them deeply and I miss them every day.
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  But it's different when it's your child and it's unexpected
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  and you know it. It's And then the events around
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  everything with it and going through medical procedures,
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  surgeries, you know, the hormones of it all.
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  Like the. Yeah, just everything.
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  Total loss of control. Yes, 100% spiraling out for
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  sure. And it you know, this also
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  brings up like I then constantly worried, like if our son or or
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  my husband had a sniffle. Where like.
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  Any kind of sickness. I was like, whoa, we need to go
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  to the doctor's immediately. We need to get this checked into
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  to the point that my son, you know, he was having some stomach
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  pains and I thought maybe it could have been maybe anxiety,
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  but like of course that we had to run the gambit of tests.
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  Because I'm not going to just settle for for a maybe anxiety
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  until we go through all of the other avenues and find that out.
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  Yep, I totally agree. And we say it so like my
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  daughter, I remember she had headaches and like my mind
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  automatically ants went to It's a brain tumor.
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  It's got to be a brain tumor. Like.
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  Would be there be. It's a brain tumor.
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  Well, but I gotta say like, I mean it's definitely so my
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  husband struggles with this too with I think it coming from the
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  losses and he he tends to go that track as well, which is not
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  a good combination for the two of us.
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  But honestly, each other, yes. It's.
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  Terrible. But it's like one of those
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  things that it has benefited us as well.
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  So like, I'm I, our viewers don't know this, but like I'm
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  currently going through breast cancer and like I, you know, I
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  found a lump last year and I brushed it off and even my
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  doctor was like, I don't think it's anything you're too young,
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  you know, no deal, nothing, no family history.
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  And like I just, I felt content with that.
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  I for once was like because it was me.
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  I think it's different with ourselves versus like our loved
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  ones. We're still not.
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  Yeah, but my husband, with these tendencies, and this is where it
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  benefited us, because I was going to cancel my mammogram.
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  I just didn't think it was anything.
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  I was content with what, you know, everyone had to say about
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  it. And he was like, I don't know.
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  Nope, I don't feel good about it.
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  You need to go. And I was like, OK, so I did it
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  for him. Lo and behold, breast cancer.
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  So, you know, it's like I I think there's benefit to having
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  those tendencies to want to control situations and like get
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  the answers for things. There's a healthy balance
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  because you know, sometimes it can be, you can go to extreme
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  with it. But there are tendencies and and
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  times like with my situation and my breast cancer journey that it
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  actually saved my life that my husband felt.
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  You know, he he was so scared of losing me that he pushed for me
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  to get this done and get this test done.
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  And I did it and it saved my life.
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  Well, absolutely. And I think it goes back to and
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  we, you know, we had this last week in our episode, you know,
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  educate to advocate. And it goes back to, you know,
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  doing whatever gives you the Peace of Mind, right, Like
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  making sure that you are getting the test done because like you
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  said, you thought that your daughter had a brain tumor.
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  Like I was like, Oh my goodness, Bryson has, you know, our son
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  has stomach cancer. And like you go down those
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  rabbitals and I don't want to be that person that ignored the
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  signs. And then it does turn out to be
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  something terminal or, you know, to that point.
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  So like I, you know, all I can do is just advocate for him or
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  get him some further testing, which then gives us all Peace of
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  Mind. And if that's what it comes down
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  to, OK. And we spent money on that.
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  Yeah. But like, it's better than me
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  living in this constant worry that there's something more
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  going on and I'm not looking into it.
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  And you're so right, Brie. And I I think, you know, there
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  is that healthy balance because you know, like don't.
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  Want to be a hypochondriac either?
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  Yeah, yes, yes. Yeah, it's definitely finding
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  the balance. Yeah, 'cause it can go, it can
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  go to, you know, you don't want to be so lackadaisical that
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  you're like, whatever, you know, my stomach hurts, my head hurts,
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  no big deal. I found a lump in my bra.
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  So that's fine, you know, no big deal.
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  But then there's the other extreme of like, Oh my gosh, I'm
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  going to die tomorrow. Oh my gosh, just cancer.
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  You know, like, automatically assuming the worst case
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  scenario. And I really, I truly feel like
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  that a lot of that stems from trauma and and the traumatic
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  events that we've experienced and just the the tendencies that
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  we have now to go to other extremes all stem from that.
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  Absolutely. And I mean, I remember too, like
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  also needing to get other opinions.
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  Like I wasn't OK with just one opinion that we got about our
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  son. Like we went and got model
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  opinions. Now it was also because like,
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  you know, in that trauma, like you lose trust, or at least I
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  did, you know, I lost trust in everyone and everything because
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  I questioned everything then moving forward.
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  And you know, so for our own, like sanity and Peace of Mind, I
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  needed to hear it from multiple people, you know, in this
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  profession and also get it from specialists to be able to hear
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  that as well. And you know, I think, you know,
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  our son needed to hear that too. All of us did.
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  You know that we're involved in family because of what we just
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  dealt with and and went through, you know?
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  Yeah. And I I, I did the same thing.
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  I feel like, you know you are at the mercy of the doctors when
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  you're going through a loss and you don't have control or say.
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  And so when given a situation, I do think it's wise to get second
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  opinions. But I think we're more sometimes
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  we do it for more Peace of Mind because we're like we just want
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  to confirm that it's true and like confirm that we're going
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  down the right path And yeah, it we for sure.
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  I still do that I still seek out multiple opinions and stuff.
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  Just you just don't. I mean it's hard to put you know
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  just like with my with when I found the lump I for some reason
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  because I I honestly think 'cause it was me if it would
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  have been my child I wouldn't have settled for It's fine.
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  I settled for it for myself for some reason.
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  But my husband did not. And he was like, Nope, let's
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  let's keep pushing this and get some answers and.
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  I'm so glad you did. Yeah.
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  Uh huh. So am I.
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  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
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  And it's it's just one of those things that you know, you need
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  reassurance that you're on the right path because it gives you
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  more control because you have you have sought out those
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  answers. So yeah, I I just think it's
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  just another form of trying to control, you know, your
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  surroundings, which and it's not a bad thing, that's certainly
• 16:24
  not a. Bad thing.
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  No. And you know, I think sometimes,
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  you know, doctors can miss things.
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  They're not a higher power. They're not.
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  You're human. Not God.
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  You're human. Yeah.
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  And human error, error happens. And so, you know, as long as
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  like whatever you need, you know, to give you that Peace of
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  Mind of reassurance and like you said and and having those
• 16:44
  answers And you know, I think that it never hurts to in my
• 16:49
  opinion, I'm like I'd rather educate myself and and hear what
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  others have to say. And I like also how like doctors
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  each are different as they explain things or how they
• 16:58
  handle situations. And also then it's like, OK,
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  well, I feel more comfortable with this doctor or like this
• 17:05
  doctor, you know and like, and then finding who's going to be,
• 17:08
  you know, that doctor moving forward and who you're going to
• 17:09
  have that relationship with or a specialist or, you know, it's
• 17:12
  just always good, I think to. Building our poor building
• 17:16
  trust, Yes, and. You never know how your story
• 17:20
  and you sharing that Bree might be someone else's survival guide
• 17:24
  or might actually give somebody the courage then to go to the
• 17:27
  doctor and ask a question or to advocate for themselves.
• 17:30
  Like I have a lump even though I know I have dense breast tissue.
• 17:33
  But like can you check this out and like can we do a mammogram
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  you know like it. It's so true.
• 17:37
  And I think, you know, us sharing stories and other
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  survivors sharing their stories is really like how, you know, we
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  can all come together as a community and look out for each
• 17:48
  other and ask questions that we never thought to ask.
• 17:51
  Well, and that's the big thing. Yeah, 'cause like, you know, you
• 17:54
  may not even be thinking to do something or ask a question or,
• 17:58
  you know, but you hear somebody else say it and it resonates
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  with you. And it just sits there and sits
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  there and you're like, you need to act upon that.
• 18:04
  And I think that's the beauty of sharing our stories.
• 18:09
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 18:11
  It so is, You know, I also found like as I, you know, had to
• 18:19
  return to society everyday work, like all that stuff, you know,
• 18:23
  to support our family and especially, you know, only
• 18:25
  getting a couple days to grieve and then having to go back.
• 18:27
  Like, I like when people, I found it really hard for me to
• 18:32
  have empathy for things that were outside like other people's
• 18:35
  problems I couldn't really take on because I was so worried and
• 18:38
  consumed about my immediate family.
• 18:40
  And then also too, just, you know, trying to process
• 18:43
  everything that we were, you know, dealing with as well and
• 18:46
  and grieving and the trauma and all that.
• 18:49
  But you know, I just didn't care about, like what people had to
• 18:52
  gossip about or complain about or their problems if it wasn't
• 18:56
  as final as death. It seems like insignificant.
• 19:00
  Yes, yeah. No, I know what you mean.
• 19:05
  Yeah. And I think like you know, going
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  through our loss and experiencing the worst thing a
• 19:12
  parent can go through is the loss of their child.
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  And in my humble opinion that it was almost like I just, it put
• 19:20
  things into perspective about what was a big deal and what
• 19:23
  wasn't a big deal, outside factors and not taking on other
• 19:28
  people's stuff if that makes. Sense.
• 19:30
  Oh my gosh. Yes.
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  I definitely learned that as well.
• 19:32
  I think, you know, I had to. I struggled with it a little
• 19:37
  bit. So like if somebody was going
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  through a hard time and let's say like, in my mind, I'm
• 19:42
  thinking seriously like this is not as big of a deal as losing
• 19:46
  my child, you know, and learning to.
• 19:51
  And it took time. It did not happen right away.
• 19:54
  But like learning to, you almost have to learn how to have
• 19:57
  empathy again, because you you get so like.
• 20:02
  I don't know May. I don't know you you you feel
• 20:05
  the same way, right? Like this happened to you too
• 20:07
  because I I like I'm saying that I I feel like I sound crazy
• 20:10
  where I was just very like your problem is not as big as my
• 20:14
  problem when it comes to that. And like it took me time to
• 20:19
  realize that like you know we're all fighting battles and we are
• 20:24
  all you know, our mountains may be different but they're still
• 20:28
  mountains. You know, like you don't know
• 20:30
  what somebody's, what hurt they're having, how that's
• 20:35
  impacting their life. Maybe it's, you know it, it's
• 20:38
  more traumatic than what we give it credit for.
• 20:41
  We don't really truly know the full story.
• 20:42
  So like, it took me a while to learn that though, because I
• 20:45
  definitely struggled with finding empathy for situations
• 20:50
  like you said, that are not the death of a child.
• 20:55
  Agreed, agreed And it did it. I think it also, you know, after
• 21:01
  going through it all like, it took away that like
• 21:03
  superficialness. Like I almost felt like I needed
• 21:05
  to have like real conversations with people and like have the
• 21:09
  real estate people in my life who weren't.
• 21:12
  Just like the toxic positivity wasn't just like the fake
• 21:15
  optimism wasn't coming at me with those, like, Silver Linings
• 21:20
  that I didn't want to hear, you know, right during that time.
• 21:24
  And it was really the authentic, genuine people that were like,
• 21:27
  you know, I don't know what to say.
• 21:28
  I don't know what to do. I'm here for you.
• 21:29
  I'm here to listen like all those things.
• 21:31
  But you know the ones that like got or met us with where we're
• 21:36
  at in our journey, you know and and going through it and
• 21:40
  processing. Those are the.
• 21:40
  Ones you keep close. Absolutely, and I think it did.
• 21:43
  It took away any of the fakeness and seeing it, but I also I had
• 21:51
  to stay off of. And I know we talked about this
• 21:53
  in other episodes, social media and the news after we lost
• 21:56
  Brooke. Because I could not handle
• 21:58
  seeing any more disasters. Because then I would think the
• 22:00
  disaster is going to, like, hit our home or all of a sudden we
• 22:03
  need to build a bomb shelter in our backyard, you know,
• 22:06
  underground and have like, you know, I'm going straight there
• 22:11
  and it's like, OK, let's like. Pump.
• 22:13
  The brakes A. Little bit but.
• 22:15
  I think that speaks to the weight and the gravity of losing
• 22:19
  a child and how heavy that is. And to add additional heaviness
• 22:28
  is going to run you to the ground.
• 22:30
  Like you put weight on your shoulders, you can only carry so
• 22:34
  much until you fall down. And like, you know, having just
• 22:39
  going through the loss of a child, you know it's so you're
• 22:43
  barely keeping yourself upright and then to have world problems
• 22:48
  and like all this other stuff coming in, it's unnecessary.
• 22:52
  It it doesn't need to. It doesn't while you're in the,
• 22:55
  especially those early stages. Until that you can, like, get
• 23:00
  your shoulders up and like, really hold that weight firm,
• 23:04
  like there's no reason to add excess weight onto your
• 23:07
  shoulders. Well, you're so right.
• 23:09
  And you know, 'cause then you're taking on.
• 23:11
  And like we said, like that's why I couldn't really hear other
• 23:13
  people's, you know, things because of that lack of empathy.
• 23:16
  But it was also self preservation, because I just
• 23:19
  could not take on anybody else's problems.
• 23:21
  I just didn't have the bandwidth.
• 23:22
  And if I because before losing broke, before all this, like if
• 23:26
  I took on someone's problems, I took it on full force and like,
• 23:29
  I like went into it and I was like, let's fix this like I'm a
• 23:32
  it. Became your problem.
• 23:34
  Yes. And I think for myself, I was
• 23:36
  trying to, at this point learn how to survive and especially in
• 23:41
  those, like early days. But then also it was trying to
• 23:44
  learn, OK, how do I live a life that I still can love and enjoy
• 23:48
  while I'm grieving the loss of a lifetime for my baby?
• 23:51
  Like, how can I do both of these?
• 23:53
  And they coexist. And it's really trying to figure
• 23:56
  that out. And then also then reintroducing
• 23:59
  that there's other things in the world that's going on around me
• 24:02
  because, you know, we're so focused on this.
• 24:05
  Like, it's hard to take on any outside, you know, you know, as
• 24:09
  the world keeps moving. I didn't want to hear anything
• 24:11
  that the world was doing, you know, and and I think it is, I
• 24:15
  think it's to protect ourselves, like you were kind of saying,
• 24:18
  you know. Yeah.
• 24:19
  Yep. I totally, it's 100% to protect
• 24:21
  ourselves. And you know, and it's not that,
• 24:25
  it's almost like it's not like I didn't care, but like I couldn't
• 24:29
  handle it. I didn't care and I cared, but
• 24:33
  not enough that I could take on the weight of it.
• 24:35
  Exactly. And that's I had to leave it.
• 24:38
  Yeah. Then that's different for me
• 24:39
  because I'm like you. If there's a problem, it's now
• 24:42
  my problem and I'm taking it on. And I had to relearn how to
• 24:48
  handle other people's problems and and do it in a way that I
• 24:53
  could be helpful, but not it wasn't burdensome, You know,
• 24:56
  like it. You had to.
• 24:58
  You kind of have to relearn how to.
• 25:01
  And I think the losses taught me that as I walked through that
• 25:05
  journey of just how to manage other people and worldly
• 25:12
  problems. And it goes to, you know when I
• 25:15
  shared about Brooke, right? And like, this is what got me
• 25:18
  then to start to think like, I don't need to be the fix it.
• 25:21
  I don't need, like, people when they're sharing their problems
• 25:24
  with me. It's not that they need me to
• 25:25
  take them one or they need me to fix it.
• 25:27
  Like, I would just voluntarily jump in and want to do things.
• 25:30
  But I realized after, like you you said, after we went through
• 25:32
  loss and Brooke and things like that, I realized no, people are
• 25:35
  just coming to talk and they just want to be heard and listen
• 25:37
  and validated because that's all I wanted.
• 25:40
  I know you're not going to fix me.
• 25:42
  I know that whatever you say or do is not going to take this
• 25:46
  pain away. I need to process it and I need
• 25:48
  to sit with it and I need to do whatever makes me comfortable
• 25:52
  to, you know, feel this grief and trauma and to actually, you
• 25:56
  know, do it in a healthy, coping way and, you know, do different
• 26:00
  things and honor my baby in a certain way and do these.
• 26:03
  And it's not going to work for everybody.
• 26:04
  Everybody's different. But it's like now I know, OK,
• 26:08
  when someone comes to me, they're not always looking for
• 26:10
  an answer. They just.
• 26:11
  Want to talk? Most of the times they're not
• 26:13
  looking for an answer. No.
• 26:16
  And I was like, wow, So I almost felt like too.
• 26:19
  This really opened my eyes, then, to having those real,
• 26:22
  genuine, authentic relationships with people where it was just
• 26:27
  listening. And that's a huge thing.
• 26:29
  I think you know that I learned from all of this.
• 26:33
  Yeah. And I think as you know, as
• 26:35
  women, we tend to want to fix, We want to fix.
• 26:38
  We want to make it better. We want to.
• 26:39
  You know, we want to answer. We fix.
• 26:41
  It yes, we, yeah. So that is a a lesson I have
• 26:45
  learned as well and I think until you are in a situation
• 26:52
  where it can't be fixed, there are no words or actions that
• 26:56
  will fix it. That is when you learn the
• 27:00
  benefit of having somebody to just listen to you and to just
• 27:06
  be in your present presence, not no expectations of fixing
• 27:11
  anything. And that's not our nature, but I
• 27:15
  think it's it's equally as important and beneficial to just
• 27:22
  have somebody to just be with you and to just sit with you and
• 27:27
  to just listen to you. I mean that's not necessarily
• 27:31
  fixing your situation, but it's healing your situation.
• 27:36
  It's. It's healing.
• 27:37
  The whole process is. Well, and I think sometimes, at
• 27:40
  least for myself, when I say things out loud and I actually
• 27:44
  put a voice behind it. And I I talk about my fears.
• 27:48
  I talk about, you know, Brooke or I talk about the events
• 27:52
  themselves, like all around it and everything.
• 27:55
  It almost like takes away the power of it.
• 27:58
  And I'm like, OK now I feel like I can actually process it.
• 28:01
  And I don't want to be shut down.
• 28:02
  Like, you know, everybody wanted to say because it wasn't my
• 28:05
  fault what happened and things like that.
• 28:07
  And I get that. But I need to still be heard and
• 28:09
  I need to say these things out loud because I feel better about
• 28:12
  it. If I say I'm out loud, I can't
• 28:14
  keep them stuffed in. If I keep them stuffed in,
• 28:16
  they're going to come out in other ways and it's going to be
• 28:19
  unhealthy. But if I can feel safe that I
• 28:22
  can go ahead and get it out like in support group or wherever and
• 28:25
  it's like I can just like cleanse myself almost of it.
• 28:29
  And and not that those thoughts aren't going to come back and
• 28:32
  I'm going to need to say them again, but in a in a way that
• 28:36
  like, I'm not shut down. It's like, yeah, I can
• 28:37
  understand why you're feeling that way.
• 28:39
  Absolutely. I would too.
• 28:40
  And it's like and like you. Said, it takes the power away.
• 28:42
  It takes the power away from that.
• 28:45
  But it validates too. Like I'm not the only one
• 28:48
  thinking this, or another survivor can actually see why
• 28:52
  I'm thinking this or how I have these feelings.
• 28:54
  And that's what's important. You feel less crazy?
• 28:57
  Yes, we need our community of survivors.
• 29:02
  We do. We do.
• 29:04
  Absolutely, absolutely. Well, thanks so much for joining
• 29:07
  today Bree and for jumping on our segment.
• 29:10
  Loved having you and for all the survivors out there, we are
• 29:13
  always with you. We have daily support services,
• 29:16
  you know, support groups, mentors, this podcast, an online
• 29:21
  support community, all the different things go on our
• 29:23
  website chasingrainbows.org. But please follow and like our
• 29:27
  podcast so we can reach more survivors.
• 29:30
  And we are always with you, Infertility, Miscarriage, Still
• 29:34
  Birth and Infant Lost Survivors. Thanks So.
• 29:37
  Thank you. So much thank you.