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117. Why Positivity is NOT Toxic · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Today we are going to talk about a topic that I consider one of my most polarizing topics, and that is toxic positivity for I do not believe positivity is toxic, and the word itself is actually an oxymoron, which means the two words are exact opposites, and they don't mean the same thing.
• 0:27
  However, there is such a thing as forced positivity from the book Power versus Force, which is what I think the people who are saying toxic positivity are actually meaning.
• 0:43
  We're going to discuss the real depth of the negativity of calling positivity toxic.
• 0:53
  On top of how it affects your mindset, and more.
• 0:58
  Today we are gonna talk about why I think toxic positivity is a harsh word.
• 1:04
  I think it's wrong, it's an oxymoron, and why it's my polarizing topic, whereas I prefer to look at authentic positivity over forced positivity.
• 1:19
  We're gonna discover the transformation power of authentic positivity, and we are going to challenge the notion of toxic positivity and explore how embracing genuine emotions fuels powerful personal growth.
• 1:37
  We're going to learn how to develop a growth mindset and nurture healthy habits by acknowledging and processing negative emotions.
• 1:46
  So join me on this journey towards unlocking your inner potential and creating a fulfilling life.
• 1:54
  Embrace authentic positivity for a thriving growth mindset and balanced wellbeing.
• 2:02
  You're listening to Kathie's Coaching podcast.
• 2:04
  I'm your host, Kathie Owen.
• 2:06
  On this channel, we talk about healthy habits, having a growth mindset, fitness, and even some Reality Transurfing.
• 2:14
  And today we are talking about toxic positivity and why it's not toxic at all.
• 2:23
  Today we embark on a transformative journey that challenges conventional notions surrounding the term, which I cannot stand toxic positivity.
• 2:35
  Striving to cultivate a growth mindset and embrace healthy habits we delve into the empowering perspective that authentic positivity is a force for tremendous personal and professional advancement.
• 2:50
  Positivity has long been celebrated as a powerful mindset that fuels resilience, innovation, and success.
• 2:58
  However, amidst discussions of toxic positivity, there emerges a notion that portrays positivity as inherently harmful and dismissive of genuine emotions.
• 3:12
  But I invite you to consider an alternative perspective, a perspective that reshapes our understanding of positivity and propels us toward greater insights and heights of achievement.
• 3:29
  Picture this, you encounter a setback in your entrepreneurial journey, or a temporary roadblock on your path to success.
• 3:39
  You experience a mix of emotions, a tinge of disappointment, frustration, and even uncertainty and overwhelm.
• 3:47
  In these moments, you find solace of unwavering belief that there is a solution or a lesson or an opportunity hidden within the challenge.
• 3:58
  This perspective is not toxic.
• 4:01
  Rather, it's a testament to the power of authentic positivity.
• 4:07
  Authentic positivity isn't about suppressing or denying our emotions.
• 4:11
  It's about embracing the full spectrum of human experiences, the highs and the lows, the wins, and the setbacks, because they're all there.
• 4:23
  With an unwavering belief that there is always a path forward.
• 4:29
  It just not might be a straight path.
• 4:32
  It's an acknowledgement that setbacks provide invaluable opportunities for growth, learning, and even reinvention.
• 4:43
  By embracing authentic positivity, we harness the immense power of our minds to shape our reality.
• 4:51
  It allows us to adopt a growth mindset, maintain resilience in the face of adversity, and inspire those around us.
• 4:59
  It doesn't invalidate the challenges we face.
• 5:03
  I'm gonna repeat that.
• 5:04
  It does not invalidate the challenges we face, or even diminish the importance of emotional wellbeing.
• 5:13
  Rather, it becomes a catalyst for transformation and progress.
• 5:19
  All right, we interrupt this episode for a quick success tip on building habits, did you know that I have a hot habit checklist that will have you building healthy habits in no time?
• 5:32
  You can get yours at kathieowen.com habits.
• 5:39
  Hope to see you there.
• 5:41
  So today, join me in challenging the notion of toxic positivity and instead embrace the balanced potential of authentic positivity.
• 5:52
  Through this lens, we will unlock our inner strength, leverage our positive mindset to conquer obstacles and manifest the abundant success we aspire to achieve.
• 6:05
  Are you ready to embrace the limitless possibilities that authentic positivity holds?
• 6:11
  Let's forge ahead and illuminate the path to extraordinary personal and professional growth.
• 6:19
  So before we get started, we need to understand toxic positivity and unmask what it is and the hidden pitfalls of this word.
• 6:31
  It's important to approach it with an open mind while positivity itself is undoubtedly valuable, it is essential to acknowledge the existence of toxic positivity and its potential negative impact on our lives.
• 6:49
  Forced positivity, which is the same thing as toxic positivity can manifest when the pressure to maintain a facade of relentless cheerfulness and optimism becomes overwhelming.
• 7:03
  It involves dismissing or invalidating genuine emotions, especially those deemed negative or unpleasant.
• 7:11
  This approach suggests that we should always put on a happy face and suppress any feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger.
• 7:20
  The danger lies in the fact that toxic positivity or forced positivity undermines the importance of embracing and processing our true emotions.
• 7:31
  By denying ourselves the opportunity to fully experience and understand our feelings.
• 7:36
  We inadvertently stifle our personal growth and hinder our emotional wellbeing.
• 7:44
  I'm gonna repeat that because it's super important.
• 7:47
  We inadvertently stifle our personal growth and hinder our emotional wellbeing.
• 7:54
  So the negative impact of force positivity, there's a suppression of negative emotions.
• 8:01
  When we force ourselves to be relentlessly positive, we inadvertently suppress our negative emotions.
• 8:08
  By denying their existence we deny ourselves the opportunity for growth and healing.
• 8:14
  It's crucial to understand that experiencing.
• 8:17
  And acknowledging our negative emotions is a vital part of our journey towards personal development.
• 8:24
  It also invalidates your genuine feelings.
• 8:30
  The word itself can be incredibly invalidating when we express our struggles or disappointments or pain being met with phrases like, Just be positive or look on the bright side can make us feel unhear and misunderstood.
• 8:46
  It sends a message that our emotions are not valid or worthy of our acknowledgement.
• 8:52
  So go back to my friend who was putting out there.
• 8:56
  If you're not angry, you're not paying attention.
• 8:59
  Her message was also toxic negativity because she was just, Insinuating that we all needed to be angry to solve a problem, but I'm gonna talk about how anger can positively solve a problem in a different way.
• 9:16
  Just hold on.
• 9:17
  So undermining the importance of personal growth stems from embracing our challenges and learning from them.
• 9:24
  However, forced positivity often downplays the significance of these challenges by dismissing them with simplistic positive affirmations we fail to extract valuable lessons and impede our personal growth potential.
• 9:41
  It's crucial to note that the intention here is not to demonize positivity itself.
• 9:48
  Oh my goodness.
• 9:48
  I wanna repeat that too.
• 9:50
  It's important to note here that.
• 9:53
  The intention is not to demonize positivity itself, but rather to shed light on the dangers of forced positivity.
• 10:03
  Toxic positivity is an oxymoron, an authentic positivity, which acknowledges and embraces the full range of human emotions.
• 10:12
  Yes, it does.
• 10:13
  It allows for genuine growth, resilience, and transformation.
• 10:19
  By understanding the pitfalls of force positivity, we can develop a more balanced and authentic approach to our emotions.
• 10:28
  Let us be sure to recognize that it is not about suppressing or denying negativity, but rather about navigating it with grace and compassion.
• 10:41
  So coming up, we will explore the importance of embracing the authenticity of our emotions and the profound impact it can have on our wellbeing and personal growth.
• 10:52
  In a world that often encourages us to put on a brave face and hide our true emotions, embracing authenticity of our feelings becomes a transformative act of self-compassion and growth, rather than suppressing or dismissing our emotions, we can choose to honor and explore them, recognizing their inherent value in our journey toward personal and professional fulfillment.
• 11:23
  So there is importance in acknowledging and processing our negative emotions just as the bright suncast shadows our lives.
• 11:33
  encompass a spectrum of emotions.
• 11:36
  Both positive and negative.
• 11:38
  We are human and by acknowledging and accepting our negative emotions such as sadness, anger or frustration.
• 11:48
  We create a space for growth and healing.
• 11:51
  These emotions offer valuable insights into our needs, our boundaries, and our personal development.
• 11:59
  Recognizing the value of negative emotions is also important.
• 12:04
  Contrary to popular belief, negative emotions serve a purpose in our lives.
• 12:10
  For example, sadness allows us to process loss and seek solace Anger, like I said, can fuel positive change and boundary setting and frustration can motivate us to find creative solutions.
• 12:28
  By embracing these emotions and understanding their role, we tap into our inner resilience and capacity for personal growth.
• 12:38
  There are consequences of repressing emotions.
• 12:41
  This is spoken as a true person who is a survivor of complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
• 12:49
  Mental and emotional health implications are taking place when you repress your emotions, and it can have a detrimental effect on our mental health and our emotional wellbeing.
• 13:02
  When we bury our feelings deep within, they often resurface in unexpected ways, such as increased stress, anxiety, and even physical ailments.
• 13:15
  By acknowledging and processing our emotions, we promote psychological wellbeing and pave the way for a healthier mindset.
• 13:23
  There's also an impact on relationships and even self-acceptance when we repress emotions.
• 13:31
  Authenticity in expressing our emotions, foster genuine connections with others.
• 13:37
  When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share our true feelings, we invite deeper understanding and empathy from those around us.
• 13:46
  Moreover, embracing our emotions.
• 13:49
  Helps cultivate self-acceptance, a crucial aspect of building healthy relationships and nurturing our own personal growth.
• 13:59
  I can testify to this, and my testimony comes from my book, the Truth Bubbles Up.
• 14:07
  I had so many repressed emotions, and I wouldn't even call them repressed.
• 14:12
  It was more like I wasn't sharing them in my relationships.
• 14:16
  It was affecting my authenticity of my relationships because I was.
• 14:22
  Embarrassed by all the stuff that I went through, through my custody battle, through the years of narcissistic abuse that took place.
• 14:33
  And I had to process that and come to being.
• 14:37
  And so once I wrote my book and I gave it to people who were a part of my life in relationships with me, they got to see me in a different light.
• 14:48
  They got to see that, I was inviting them to understand my situation and my story, and it also gave them a different perspective of me.
• 14:59
  So if you are interested in my book, you can find it on Amazon, and I also have a link on my website.
• 15:06
  It's at kathieowen.com/ truthbubblesup I'll have a link to that in the show notes and description below.
• 15:17
  But when we choose to embrace the authenticity of our emotions, we open ourselves up to profound personal growth and fulfillment, which is exactly what happened to me when I opened up to the authenticity of my emotions.
• 15:33
  Instead of pushing them away or suppressing them, we learn to navigate them with wisdom and compassion.
• 15:42
  This process enables us to develop healthier coping mechanisms, enhance our emotional intelligence, and build resilience in the face of adversity.
• 15:53
  In the next part of the video, we are going to explore the pitfalls of forcing positivity and the transformational power of adopting an authentic, and balanced approach to positivity.
• 16:07
  So when we force positivity, we ignore or dismiss genuine struggles.
• 16:14
  Forcing positivity can lead to a disregard for genuine struggles and challenges.
• 16:20
  When we insist on maintaining a constant facade of positivity, we risk overlooking the difficulties and hardships that are inherent part of life.
• 16:31
  By denying the existence of these challenges, we miss opportunities for growth and problem solving and even personal development.
• 16:40
  Also unrealistic expectations and pressures come from forcing positivity.
• 16:46
  The pressure to be relentlessly positive can create unrealistic expectations and place undue stress on individuals.
• 16:54
  It says an impossibly high standard.
• 16:58
  Suggesting that any display of vulnerability or negative emotions is a sign of weakness or failure.
• 17:05
  This unrealistic pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and a constant struggle to meet the unattainable standards of forced positivity.
• 17:18
  And here we go.
• 17:19
  We're gonna talk about vulnerability.
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  Vulnerability is often seen as the gateway to growth and resilience.
• 17:27
  By allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable, we create a space for connection, empathy, and even understanding.
• 17:35
  However, when we force positivity, And suppress vulnerability.
• 17:40
  We deny ourselves the opportunity to develop deep connections, learn from our experiences, and build the resilience needed to navigate life's challenges.
• 17:50
  True personal growth occurs when we embrace our vulnerability and face the full range of emotions with authenticity.
• 18:00
  It is through these moments of vulnerability that we find the strength to overcome obstacles, learn valuable lessons, and develop resilience necessary to thrive in an ever-changing world.
• 18:13
  So let's delve into the concept of authentic positivity, which honestly it embraces both the challenges and the joys of life.
• 18:23
  And we will explore how fostering an environment of authenticity and genuine positivity can lead to greater emotional wellbeing, personal growth, and success.
• 18:35
  So first of all, let's recognize the difference between toxic positivity, which is I am so glad it's losing its lure of these younger kids nowadays.
• 18:46
  They're not saying it as much and it's not as, as prominent in the topics, but, and let's recognize the difference between toxic positivity and authentic positivity.
• 18:59
  So toxic positivity comes from place of force.
• 19:02
  You're forcing positivity as opposed to authentic positivity, which embraces all of the spectrum of human experiences.
• 19:16
  It acknowledges that both positive and negative emotions play a vital role in our personal growth and wellbeing.
• 19:23
  That's the difference between toxic positivity and authentic positivity.
• 19:27
  Authentic positivity encourages open communication and emotional expression.
• 19:33
  Creating an environment that fosters authentic positivity starts with open communication, the encouragement of emotional expression by promoting.
• 19:44
  Honest and non-judgmental conversations.
• 19:47
  We create space for individuals to share their true feelings, their true challenges, and their triumph.
• 19:54
  This openness cultivates a sense of psychological safety, enabling personal growth and nurturing, supportive connections.
• 20:02
  All right, so it authentic positivity also promotes self-compassion and self-care, which is so critical to taking care of yourself.
• 20:14
  And it recognizes that taking care of our emotional and physical wellbeing is essential for overall happiness and success.
• 20:22
  By engaging in self-care activities, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, we nurture a positive mindset that comes from a genuine place of self-love and acceptance.
• 20:37
  Authentic positivity also fosters a supportive and empathetic environment.
• 20:43
  It thrives an environment characterized by empathy and support.
• 20:48
  By offering genuine empathy and understanding to others, we create a space where people feel comfortable expressing their emotions.
• 20:57
  This compassionate atmosphere allows for connection, collaboration, and personal growth, fostering an authentic and uplifting collective experience.
• 21:08
  So let me tell you a story that happened to me recently.
• 21:11
  I was invited on Instagram to join this five day challenge where we would work on different things and we were collaborating together and everything.
• 21:20
  We were gonna sell high dollar coaching programs, which I don't totally agree with.
• 21:25
  It depends on how the quality of your coaching program, you can't just go, I'm gonna sell this.
• 21:31
  But in, in her defense, the lady that was setting this up, she, I could, I didn't have time to listen to her classes because there were an hour and a half long on a.
• 21:44
  On the, in the morning time when I am the busiest.
• 21:48
  It was a challenge to even do this challenge, and I know we all can relate to this, but what happened was during the group in the messages, I started talking, somebody had a question about Instagram and how they talked to their clients in the dms and my.
• 22:06
  Mentor.
• 22:06
  My coach, Jasmine Starr, had just done a recent episode that really dug into this answer.
• 22:14
  And so I sent the link to the episode in the group chat, and when I did that, just like maybe 30 minutes later, I got removed from the group and there was no, um, sorry.
• 22:28
  We don't allow that.
• 22:29
  None of none of that.
• 22:31
  My entire intuition was telling me that what happened was this gal was, not wanting to offer.
• 22:39
  A whole spectrum of advice, and she just wanted her advice to come from her.
• 22:45
  This is not authentic positivity and it doesn't foster a supportive environment, and it doesn't create a foundation for collective growth.
• 22:56
  That right there is a prime example of what I'm talking about here.
• 23:01
  And here are some key points that we have discussed throughout this entire episode and emphasizing the importance of embracing all emotions and is striving for an authentic and balanced approach to positivity.
• 23:17
  We've explored the concept of forced positivity.
• 23:20
  I can't call it toxic positivity.
• 23:22
  I'm sorry.
• 23:23
  It's just not in me, and it does have potential drawbacks.
• 23:27
  While positivity itself holds immense value, it is crucial to recognize the dangers of forcing positivity and suppressing genuine emotions.
• 23:39
  And I am open to that, but I don't think that toxic positivity is even a thing.
• 23:45
  I think it's forced positivity.
• 23:49
  In contrast, authentic positivity encourages us to embrace the authenticity of our emotions.
• 23:56
  They are authentic, how we feel, what we're doing, how we collaborate.
• 24:01
  And by acknowledging and processing our negative emotions, we pave the way for personal development and resilience and that can help you in so many ways.
• 24:13
  We've discussed the importance of open communication, self-compassion, and fostering a supportive environment that allows for genuine emotional expression and connection.
• 24:26
  Honestly, I just want you to take one thing away today and that is to strive for authentic positivity.
• 24:35
  It's being committed to a growth mindset and healthy habits.
• 24:39
  We have the power to redefine positivity and believe in a way that resonates with our true self.
• 24:48
  Let's strive for authentic positivity, where we celebrate successes, acknowledge challenges, and honor our true emotions.
• 24:58
  By cultivating an environment of empathy, self-compassion, and open communication, we create a space that supports our personal development and our collective growth.
• 25:10
  Remember that the journey towards authentic positivity is not all about being blindly optimistic, blinded by the light as she called me at all costs.
• 25:23
  It is about embracing the richness of human experience.
• 25:28
  Celebrating our triumphs and learning from our setbacks.
• 25:32
  By fostering a balanced approach to positivity, we can unleash our inner potential, navigate challenges with grace, and forge a path toward fulfillment and success.
• 25:44
  So who's with me?
• 25:45
  Let's choose authenticity over superficiality, compassion over dismissal, and growth over stagnation.
• 25:56
  By embracing the power of authentic positivity, instead of forcing our positivity, we can unlock the extraordinary possibilities that lie within us and create a world where genuine emotions are honored and personal growth knows no bounds.
• 26:17
  Alright, that's my episode for today.
• 26:20
  I trust that you found it helpful.
• 26:22
  If you know somebody who could benefit from this, please share it with them, and thank you for spending part of your day with me.
• 26:29
  Until next time, I'll see you next time.
• 26:32
  Peace out and namaste.