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The Foundation of Leadership: Why Self-Leadership Comes First · The Leader Mentality

• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Leader Mentality Show with Rob Clemens.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And actually today we're going to actually have a new guest.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: He's been on before.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: He always brings great value, but I think we're going to do this a little bit more regularly than a guest appearance.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Mr Nick DiStefano how are you doing?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Hey, I am great, Rob.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy to be here.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Man well, I'm glad to have you here because you came on the show last year.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: We had some great dialogue.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Man, yeah, we did.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: You talked about a lot of good things and the interesting part is, as we were talking, I realized very quickly you can't do this in a 20 to 30-minute show.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Not even close.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Not even close.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: It's like a condensed version of leader mentality.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: It's tough man.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: We could talk about leadership and topics related to it probably for hours, but we know people wouldn't listen for hours.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: That's correct, so we'll break it down over a whole bunch of series for however long it goes, nick.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: there's no travel long enough to want to listen to us talk about leadership.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: You know when you're making that trip, it's like three or four hours.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Even after that you're just like I've got to listen to something, I've got to find something else, right right, right, absolutely Well.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Nick is going to be joining us regularly on the show and we're still going to have special guests out there.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: If you guys at home know somebody that you think would be a great value, that can speak about leadership that has been at some level of success throughout their organization, with their team, whatever We'd love to hear from them.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: But in the in-between I didn't want to just sit here talking my own personal theories all the time by myself looking at the screen.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: So I got a guest that I just feel like can go toe-to-toe with me.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: He's going to go toe-to-toe with the great one on a day-to-day.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Did I just call myself the great one?
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: That's kind of.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: That's not leadership.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: That's one that's kind of that's not leadership.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: It's okay, that can be part of leadership.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: It could be confidence.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: We can talk about it, confidence is part of it.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: Maybe we'll do a series on that.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to do that.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: No, it's well.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Hey, nick, let me.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you, man it's been several months since we got together what all you been up to, man?
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, man, listen, I've been doing a lot of coaching with individuals around leadership, around their strengths, their talents, lots of personal development, professional development sessions with different organizations.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I just did a really cool session, actually last weekend, with the Grand Strand Miracle Leagues.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: We did all of their coaches.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: My son's an athlete in the Miracle Leagues.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: He's a special needs needs kid place really near and dear to my heart.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: But what was really cool was these people sat down to think about how can they create better experiences for their athletes and for their families, and so we did a whole two almost three hour long professional development session for all of their baseball coaches.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: They've they've got tennis as a sport now.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: So that was really cool, really rewarding.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: That's the most recent thing I've done, but a lot of of stuff like that, just helping people be their best self.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Man, the coolest thing about it is that.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Well, there's two cool things about what you said.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Number one is I meet people a lot of times that want to be in paid training situations leadership training and this isn't the kind of thing that you do where you just come out and you say, hey, a lot of, I got a lot of great leadership ideas.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Let me go talk to a group that can work.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying you can't spread your brand of leadership, but there's a lot more that goes into it, A lot of planning behind the scenes, and the neatest thing about you is you actually do this for a living, I mean you help people to get to their next level and that's going to be very rewarding.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my gosh, just just being able to take my talents and strengths and even you know my knowledge of of everything leadership and organizational development.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: You know I don't sit down in a session and talk to people about organizational development theory, but there's theory and knowledge and research behind all this information and you know when I'm able to take that and use it to help someone be better, it's extremely rewarding.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: It's probably no different than for you when you can take all of your knowledge of everything in the construction world and help someone right to you know build the best home that they like to you know, kind of make their dreams come true.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Right, it's you using what you have to help somebody else build the best home to make their dreams come true right.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: It's you using what you have to help somebody else.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Really, that's kind of what leadership is, to some degree.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of the leadership to go back to what you're saying it's educational, it's inspirational.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: We have to do these things and you know I say that to say I mean, today we're going to talk a little bit about leading yourself before leading others.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: That's going to be our theme, but we've got themes every week we're going to talk about and this is part of our foundations of leadership.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: But to me, nick, the reason that I do this and I think the reason you do it, although I'll tell you my thoughts are I feel like we've all been down.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: You know, we've all been at a point where you just felt like things weren't going your way.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Um, you feel like you're rudderless, maybe even the best of us.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I think we all go through that and the compassion within me says that everybody has greatness.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: And when somebody loses vision of their greatness and I don't mean arrogance, I mean their greatness, who they can be it's a sad thing.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Like I, it actually makes me feel sad to see somebody that is not maximizing capability.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You know their capabilities and so, if I can just be one little nugget, one little nugget of inspiration for a day, one little nugget of inspiration for your life, whatever we can do.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I want to be there.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, absolutely.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: You know, as you say that I believe I mentioned this even in the last show.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I really truly think a lot of leadership is leaving people better than you found them, and it doesn't mean that you necessarily change what's already within them, but you can leave someone better than you found them if you just can help them to realize what's already within themselves, if you can help them to see their potential, if you can be, you know, the the water to their seed, right, like everyone, everyone is their own seed and has the potential to grow, and sometimes we grow more when we're in different environments.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: But sometimes you can be in an environment and need somebody to say, hey, I'm going to give you a little fertilizer, a little water, help you get there and I'm going to tell you like this is what you could be.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: And you know the seed doesn't just grow on its own.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: You need other people to help that happen, and that's to me that's leaving someone better than you found them.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: You've got to help other people grow.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Well and know how to get to the person.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: That's the funny part of what you said.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: You know how I look at people and the way they learn.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was always a person growing up that I learned because I'm very self-critical and my parents could say something as simple as I'm really disappointed in you and I'm like, oh, do better, rob.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Meanwhile I see my sister and she was a person who maybe you got to put her on time out for the rest of the week or something.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I mean she needed that to get that level and not to put my sister on blast or anything.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: But the point is is sometimes you got to know what that fertilizer is, and the fertilizer is different for everybody.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is 100% true.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you, I learned by doing dumb things.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: That's how I learned.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Growing up, I was like that's not a good idea.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Let's try that right.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: That's why, learned growing up, I was like that's not a good idea.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Let's try that.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I still have a patch on the back of my backpack and says that's a horrible idea.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: What time let's try something.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: So we bring your wife on the show and validate this.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I just want to hear about some of these horrible horrible, you can absolutely validate it 100% where you know.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: I can't tell you the amount of keys that I've lost, airpods that have gone through the dryer.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: That's how I learned not to keep your AirPods in your pocket.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I learned by doing dumb things.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: No, but you're right, you have to figure out what is the fertilizer, and to me, that's you know.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: It speaks to the idea that to lead others, obviously you have to lead yourself first.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: And leading yourself first, I believe, is all about being self-aware, being able to discover who you are, being aware of what you're good at, being aware of what is that fertilizer, how do I need to grow?
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: What do others need?
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: And that it's not all the same.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: We oftentimes in the leadership world think of you know, this is what a leader is like.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: They need to do all these things and that's what you think it is, but I might think it's different and I might need something different.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I've got to be aware of that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: So I'm curious, you know, how do you become more self-aware, or how do you feel about self-awareness related to self-leadership?
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I think that's great and we are staying on topic, so thank you for that.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: You know, we talk about leading yourself before leading others.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: This is what I think personally.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I think that, as human beings, we grow up somewhat selfish, and selfishness is equated to survival.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Look, if I'm a baby and I don't cry, maybe I don't get the milk, and you?
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: don't live?
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: And then you know, as you're younger, you know maybe if you don't get recognized, you don't get some attention as you're trying to get a job in the workforce, if you don't succeed over others in your appearance, then maybe you're not paying your bills.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: And so, going back to that Maslow hierarchy needs, there's a selfishness that's inherent and it's part of our survival.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like the whole thing, nick, is that we have to be able to be aware when our self-defense mechanisms and our survival and our inherent selfishness that we've learned to survive through, when we realize it's becoming destructive to our goals.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: And so, for example, if I said, you know, one way I protected myself is by laughing laughing at my mistakes all through life Like, maybe that's become a self-defense mechanism, but when my group needs me to be the image of strength, and I'm laughing at myself, like making fun of myself and being self-defense mechanism.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: But when my group needs me to be the image of strength, and I'm laughing at myself, like making fun of myself and being self-defacing, perhaps maybe that's not me actually leading myself, because I've let my defense mechanism become a crutch and an obstacle to my success.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So what I'm really saying, to go back to it is, I think you have to be self-aware of when that thing that you're doing that helped you survive, is now becoming your limiter.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah 100%.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: It's just this idea that we recognize as a leader and that we call ourselves a leader, that we recognize the behaviors and the actions, the words that we're using.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: That actions right, the words that we're using that, even though they might feel comfortable to us, right, it feels good to me that it has an impact on other people and so, like, if you're gonna lead yourself, you've gotta recognize that you have the ability.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: It goes back to that idea that you see that potential within yourself.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: You have to recognize you have the ability to impact other people, but in order to do that, you got to see it in yourself first.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: You got to know that I'm.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: You know these are where my talents lie and sometimes you know those talents can be that self.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: You know that defense mechanism.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: And it could be even that, you know, I don't realize that when I'm doing this I might be negatively impacting other people, and then it's not leadership, even though it's a talent or it could be something that I'm naturally good at.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: But you know, truly, it's awareness of you, know everything around me, but also, more importantly, awareness of what's in me.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Right.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: What matters to me, what am I doing, and it's, and it's, I would say it's also consistent or continual.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: I can't be.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Oh, you know, I was aware today it was, you know, it was Wednesday, and I was aware of what I did today and I never did it.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: It's like if you were to go to the gym and you're like I had the hardest workout of my life and now I'm going to have a six pack.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Well, you have to do it consistently.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: It's gotta Great I'm glad we did that today, celebrate that win but it's got to be consistent as well.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Well, and so habitual, I guess, will be the thing.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: And, by the way, it's fun talking like this because the truth is is these are all things that I've struggled with a lot of my life.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: You know, people, people have always said, you know, like they'll say to you and they'll throw titles at you, like you're a great leader.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And the truth is is maybe being a great leader is not thinking you're the greatest leader out there.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: You know, there goes in those points where you're going to have those, those self-doubts, and I think that's part of what we talk about leading yourself.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: How do you get through it when you're in a downside you yourself?
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And I'd love you to address this If you could talk about it.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: We've talked about what they call imposter syndrome.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: If you could, for the, for the, for the group listeners, talk about what imposter syndrome is and kind of how it shows itself.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Absolutely so.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: You know, imposter syndrome just being this idea that you feel like you don't belong, that you're an imposter, that even if you were given the role of leader or you know you given a specific title in your job, you feel like, based on your own experiences in life, that you, you know you don't have the right to be in this room, you don't have the right to be included in this conversation.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: It's a very real thing that you know.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Many people experience.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: You know there are many times that I sit in certain conversations and I think times that I sit in certain conversations and I think I don't have a right to be here, I shouldn't be inserting my input or my opinion or my thoughts on this, and so when we do that, I think we're limiting.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: When you have those imposter syndrome moments, you're limiting your own potential and capability.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Right To go back to the fact that we have it within us, the skills and the talents to positively impact other people, and I would say imposter syndrome doesn't ever go away.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: It's how do you recognize when you're having those feelings and then still choose to take action anyways?
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I said this quote a long time ago.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: It's one of the things that I think about a lot.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: But I said in one of my trainings and someone was like that's really good, you need to say that again.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like I don't know what you're talking about.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: That was my own imposter syndrome.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I'm like I'm not good at this.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: But I said fear is an opportunity to be brave.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: And so that imposter syndrome is that fear in my head of I don't belong here, I shouldn't say this thing, I can't say this, I'm not good enough.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: And we have to recognize that, be aware of it and then tell ourselves this is just an opportunity for me to be brave.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I do belong here.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I've worked my way to get here.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: I deserve this job.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I've put in the time and the effort.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: It's okay to not always be humble.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I think if we were able to own some of our good moments and our wins, I think we would get over imposter syndrome a little faster and not get rid of it.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Well, interestingly, it's usually used in a negative light and I think that the basis of it goes down to, and the closest I can put myself, and one thing I want to do with this show is just be real.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I want to sit over and look at like I'm talking to people and going.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Here's how you'd be great.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Do this thing, yeah, yeah, I mean I can tell you.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I think it happens a lot of times with upper management.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I think it happens a lot of times with leadership training.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times it happens with motivational training, and what happens is we're all going through these ups and downs of life.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: You're having a bad day.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Maybe if you're in sales, you haven't sold the last six, seven customers in a row and you're starting to wonder and you're shaking like man, am I really as good as I think I am?
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Next thing, you know, you're in front of a group of salespeople teaching them how to do sales.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: You might have some opportunity for imposter syndrome, absolutely, because you're sitting here saying I'm sitting here telling all these people how to do it.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: If you're a motivational speaker, hey, I want everybody to be up and bright, but you just had an awful day.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: That happens to me all the time, right, and so now this, going back to leading yourself is we have to practice what we preach.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: We have to say look, a leader doesn't have an opportunity to take the day off because it got hard on them and I think that's part of what it does.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: So I'd say to anybody who's having an imposter syndrome here's what I want to say about that.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean a leader can't have a bad day about that.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean a leader can't have a bad day, and I'm not saying that you can't necessarily feel a way about things or even take some time away.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is is, if you become a stumbling block for people because you come in and you're having a bad day as a leader, you know you walk in and go.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I just don't want to do this.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I'm tired of these customers.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: You're affecting people for the negative, and I think that's kind of where I say leading yourself like you're sitting here telling all the people what to do, but have you looked at yourself and said am I, am I doing what I said?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: How am I saying it?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, am I doing it?
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, it's.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: To go back to even just a little bit of research there, there are two people that I absolutely love, um Jim Kuzis and Barry Pos.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love um jim koozes and barry posner, okay, but my favorite leadership researchers and I promise y'all I won't talk about leadership research every time I come back here, okay, but they say there are five exemplary practices of leaders and leadership, and the first one is exactly what you just said it is model the way, and it is.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Before I can talk the talk, I have to walk the walk.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: I have to know what I'm doing and I need to be willing to do.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: I need to be, if I'm going to lead these people, willing to get in there and do it with them.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: I need to be aware of my attitude when I come into the office.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I need to be aware of how I'm saying things and not just what I'm saying.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: I need to be aware of you know, just simple things like the actions that I'm taking every day and how they're impacting other people.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: That's, that's leadership.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: And the cool thing is, Rob, I think you don't have to have the title to do that, like my kid can do that.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: I'm having those conversations with my, with my boys, about the fact that you know when we get out of the car, I need you to be brave, be kind to be awesome when you walk into school and like that's leadership.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: They don't have any like power or influence or control over anyone in that school.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: They're just, they're kids.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: They're 10 and seven years old.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: But if they can model the way and they can lead themselves and recognize that they have the ability to do that, that there's no reason why they shouldn't call themselves leaders.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: They don't run your company, but they could be a leader, just like you have to be the model.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: And, by the way, I'd love to hear all five of those, but I think we got to stop with one but, but, but, but.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I want to hear about the other four on upcoming shows, because maybe, maybe we can like for sure, because it's such a critical thing.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: You just said the being the model.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: To me, being the model is exactly that.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I've always said, you know, I I think leader is a trait, it's not a title.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Manager is a title, not a trait.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, and so to me, the lowest ranking person in your company could be your best leader by being the model.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Um, and and I use this analogy sometimes, nick and anybody who's ever heard me do my public speaking, you know I'll talk about that.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: We've all had that experience.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: We're sitting down at a restaurant, we're waiting for the waiter to come down.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: We've been sat down but nobody's brought us any water.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: We don't even know if they know that we're sitting there.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Picture in your head, guys.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: The last time we went to a restaurant We've all been there, right, the best leader in that restaurant might be the busboy cleaning up a table next to you and he says has anybody been there?
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Has anybody helped you guys?
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Look, it's not his job, duty per se.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: It's just somebody recognizing and being a model of.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Look, these are the people who pay the bills.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: We've got to make sure that they're getting handled properly, and all I have to do is ask a simple question.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I'm a great leader and I've changed their day around Versus.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: People are like, well, that's somebody else's job.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Well, that's not leader talk.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: That's the exact opposite of leader talk.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: It's like it's the it's.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: To me it's when someone says that's not my job.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: It's like nails on a chalkboard, because to me, when you say that's not my job, you're saying I'm not a leader because anybody, yeah Because anybody can do any role if you just believe it within yourself.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying like you know, you could go out tomorrow and just start doing people's taxes if you're not a CPA.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: But you know, if you.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Nick DeStefano said I could do it.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: You know that reminds me of that Key and Peele skit, where he's like you can literally do anything, you can literally fly I where it's like you can literally do anything you can literally fly.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you've ever seen it.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: But then if you just say, kids jump on, it's based on, like I think, kevin Garnett, but anyway, shout out to Key and Peele.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: So I truly think that you know, if we just were to break down leadership a little bit, I often say we put leadership on a pedestal.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we say I've got to do all these things to be a leader.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: I've got to, you know, check this box and then to be act like this and then to do this thing.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: And it can get so overwhelming that then people say, you know, I'll be a leader one day.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: One day I'm going to get to the place where I run the company and then I can be a leader.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: And when we do that, our companies and our organizations and our families, you know we're not operating at the highest success we can be at, because not everyone in our organization.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: So really, I think it's about what you're saying is it's about these actions that we each take.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: It's about the fact that you know, regardless of your position, if you make the actions, if you believe in yourself as a leader, if you take the actions and if you act like a leader, if you live like a leader, regardless of your title, your role, your, your you know how much money you make.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: That if we embrace the leadership potential within ourselves, whether we're the CEO of a company, or my seven-year-old.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: If we embrace that and we recognize it in ourself again, go back to self-awareness.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: We're going to leave people better than we found them.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: We're going to make better experiences for our customers.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: We're going to create better experiences for our employees.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: My kids are going to grow up happy and recognize their potential because they believe that in themselves and I think anyone listening can do that.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: That's leading yourself before you lead others.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: It's a nice thing you don't have to have a doctorate to be a leader.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: You can do it right now.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: The one other thing before I get to kind of a final thought and I do have a final thought for the show and I think it's very apropos to everything we talked about but before I get to it I want to go real quickly back to what you're saying about.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: You can't be self-aware today and go yep, I've got awareness now.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: And you can't.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: You know you have to be consistent and actively do it day after day after day, and after you have mechanically done it, sometimes it does become a part of you.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: You hear people saying this.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you quit smoking, for example, and for that first two or three weeks or whatever, it may be hell, but after you haven't done it for a long enough time, the habit is now you don't smoke, and so I'm speaking as a guy who's a non-smoker, but I've known smokers and I'm using that with the gym.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I'm using that with habits and ways you go about things.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: If you do it long enough, it becomes part of you, and so that's where that consistency and discipline comes in.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: So we talk about leading yourself before you're leading others.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: How consistent are you?
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: How present are you?
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: How aware are you?
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Stop asking me.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: I'm not ready to answer that.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Well, it is funny, you got it.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: You got to do it.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Well, let me.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you a quick story, and this is on brand because, um, I'm a member of the uh, mcleod, uh board of health.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Uh, one of their uh, you know, the foundation members.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I should say foundation is the better shout out guys.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: And you know, it was interesting because we talk so much and I talk so much in life about leader mentality and but I'm always applying it like to myself and I'm applying it to employees, maybe applying it to teams, you know.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: And I was at a, at an event for the foundation members the other day and we were kind of looking around some of the amazing things that McLeod is doing in the community with their system.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: And McLeod is a service-based foundation.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: You know, it's not about money, it's about we're here to help the community and I love that.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: And we had one young lady taking us around the hospital I'm not going to say her name because I don't know if she will want me to say her name but she was giving us a tour through and some people Nick will go and they'll take you through a tour and they go.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: This is a TV.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: We like this TV, it's really good and it's big, and here's a guitar and we like that guitar there and that's good.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: But I'm giving that as an example.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: But what if, instead of doing that, she talked about the patients and she said you know, when a patient is in here getting chemotherapy, for example, if they're facing another patient that's getting chemotherapy, they're experiencing maybe not in the best way for them the fear that that other person's having the pain that other person may.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: You know what if that other person passes out?
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: How does that affect a response in you?
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: And she was talking about how, at McLeod, they tried to design a system where they were aware of the mindset of the people.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: She didn't use the word mindset, but she was talking about how every little bit of that place was meant to bring in some extra daylight here, because it can be depressing If you don't have some daylight to get you some privacy where you need some privacy.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: And they talked about how the whole hospital was designed and you know what was amazing.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Two things, and there are two takeaways I have for you, and I told her this after I said.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Number one you talk as somebody who really cares about what you do, and I think that's the first key of success.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: If you want to be a great leader, care about what you do, don't fake it.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Care, you know.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: The other thing that I took away from it was that it was the mindset of a patient, the mindset of a customer, the mindset of the person that you are hoping to affect.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: It's not about just the mindset of the team all the time, but understand what it feels like to be a hospital patient coming in and you're terrified.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: You don't know if you can afford it, you don't know if you can withstand the pain, you don't know.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: And to understand that mindset to me was the most leader-y thing I could have heard a leader leader about.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: It was really powerful, it is leaderful.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: And I took that away and I actually went over to Christina, who is, of course, headed up the group there, and I said you know we need to hear more of that, because too often we walk through a place and we go look how great this room is, look how proud, we're really proud of this room.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: But I'm saying but why are you proud of the room and they go?
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Well, here's why we're proud of it because we can fit 20 more potential patients in this room and get them quicker service for better treatment, and I thought, holy cow, now we're hitting the big stuff, and so I said we need to hear more from people that are talking about those little things.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Anyway.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: So that was my plug for her.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: You know the mindset you're talking about there and it's it's so.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: It's a major part of McLeod, but it's a mindset that anyone can have of how can I recognize that, whatever I'm designing, working on the actions I take today, that I'm going to put other people first, like it is, how do we put myself, how do I put myself in the shoes of another person?
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: How do I just see this person as a person, right Before they're my client, asking me to to do this thing for them, before I ever sit down and I lead a session, it's what, what matters to these individual people?
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: And how do I see them as a person, as Rob, not as a podcast host, not, you know, this client of mine, but who is this person and what matters to them?
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: And how can I act like a leader?
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: You know, lead myself, be my best self, because if I'm being my best self, I am going to be able to see people as people and, you know, take care of them.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: And, right, we say, we say in the cloud often that you know, caring is one of our values, but we don't just care for patients, we care about them, and I think that's leadership.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: It's caring about not just caring for people but caring about people, and I think that's that's what it's all about man.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: It's, it's and again it's it's all about man, and again it's not easy.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: But sometimes it's much more simple than we make leadership.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: We make it really difficult.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Leadership doesn't have to be difficult.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: It's pretty simple at the end of the day.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, making others around you better.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Well, with that, I think that's a great place for us to end off the show, and I am going to basically go there.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Nick, I appreciate the feedback.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: As always, this is good stuff.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: And look, if you are a person out there, you're thinking about starting a business and going off into business for yourself.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: If you're thinking about starting a team of some sort and this is your first thing my challenge to you is exactly what I'm about to say.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: It is why are you doing it?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Are you doing it because you're doing it for your glory?
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Are you doing it because you're doing it for your glory?
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Are you doing it because you don't want to work for anybody else?
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Are you doing it because you feel like you can make lots of money doing it?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Or have you actually made your mission to solve the needs of the people that you are doing it for?
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Because if you can change your mindset, if you can change your mindset to have one of making others better, making others life more enjoyable, you will be successful at what you do.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And so that's my challenge to you all today, my challenge to myself and to Nick.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we need to do it too.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: But guys, great first show, we talk about leading yourself before leading others, one of our foundations of leadership.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: And, Nick, we'll catch them all on the next one, right?
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited for the next one.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Are we going to record it now?
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: I'm coming back.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I'll come back.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: We're going to just keep talking.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: We're going to just keep going.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: We'll just do a pause between All right, we'll go forever.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you guys for listening to the Leader Mentality Show with Rob Clemens and special guest Nick DiStefano.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: We'll see you all next time.