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When will you meet a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about when is your most
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  vulnerable time to meet a narcissist narcissist when they
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  when, when are they going to come and get you?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and we're going to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Coat.
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  So boom. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back. Yes, yes, yes, Yep, Yep, Yep.
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  So when is the the most vulnerable time for you to meet
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  a narcissist? When like when when like when is
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  the most open time to meet a narcissist?
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  Y'all, like I think a lot of people when I use the word
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  vulnerable, I was, I was trying to search for a better word by
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  just cannot think of a better word right there.
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  Because a lot of people when I when I say the word vulnerable,
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  you automatically assume that that's the time you're going to
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  meet a narcissist. Like when you're vulnerable,
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  like when you just went through a loss, you know, because this
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  is what happens a lot of times you can meet a narcissist when
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  you just left a relationship, when you just experience the
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  loss of a family member or a friend or something like that,
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  Like you just, you're going through some type of hurt or
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  some type of pain, correct? You can meet a narcissist doing
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  those times right there, right? But what I've discovered after
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  talking to so many people, thousands of people over the
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  last three years, y'all, 3 1/2 years, is the fact that to me, a
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  lot of people meet narcissists. When you're doing well, when
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  you're at the peak of your life, when you're doing amazing, when
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  things are going good, when life is great is when you meet a
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  narcissist. Like so many people have this
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  happen Now again, y'all, this is not, I haven't ran the the
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  scientific method on or anything like that.
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  I don't have a hypothesis and I don't have a conclusion or no,
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  no testing data. This is all anecdotal, but I've
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  talked to so many people that it, it, it, it's there's some
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  validity to it, I feel. And, and y'all, I said, when did
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  you meet a narcissist? When you going through grief and
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  loss or when you were doing very well, because This is why I tell
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  people like is when you you're more likely to meet a narcissist
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  for for me, not more likely you're you're more you're likely
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  to meet a NAR. I'll just take the way to work
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  more. You're likely to meet a
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  narcissist when you're doing well, when you have your when
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  your finances are in order, when like money is not an object.
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  Like when you have just graduated from school, you have
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  everything going for you. When you at a peak, you're
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  likely to meet a narcissist when you're peeking in life as
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  opposed to when you're going through a valley.
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  Now you can meet narcissist in the valley.
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  There are there are hundreds of examples of people meeting
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  narcissist when they were going through something.
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  I just left a terrible relationship.
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  My husband cheated on me and we were separated.
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  First person I met, I got divorced.
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  First person I met my mom passed away, met somebody that met my
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  cousin's, my cousin's, my cousin, my cousin's husband's
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  best friend at the funeral. I met all these people, right?
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  That's so it happened so many times when you can meet them
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  when you're grieving, you can meet them, meet them while
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  you're in a vulnerable time. We'll talk, we'll talk about
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  that later. But a lot of times you meet them
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  when you don't like yo when you meet them and you and when you
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  were at the peak, you just graduated college, you just got
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  your like masters or PhD or something like that.
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  You just made your first million.
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  You just open up your business. You just started your own
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  company. You just did something great in
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  your life. I know what I'm talking about.
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  Some big I'm talking about like over the top stuff, you know,
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  But it doesn't have to be that big.
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  It can be just a celebration for you.
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  You can be at the top of your life.
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  You just graduated high school. A peak moment in your life,
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  right? A light.
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  You can you meet them at life's peaks, right?
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  And they come take you down to the bottom.
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  So many people I've talked to were at the peak of their life.
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  They were at a top on the mountain top, but they were
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  alone. They were lonely.
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  Somebody came, somebody came through.
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  You met this person, they ended up being toxic and ruin your
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  damn life. Lee, I just got, I had just
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  graduated nursing school, got my nursing, my nursing degree.
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  I was successful. I had my own house, own car.
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  I was doing so good. I had money in the bank.
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  You know, this person came to my life, was jealous of me being
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  there, didn't have, they didn't have much to offer.
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  They were jealous of me working in the hospital and being around
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  doctors and attorneys would come in there or whatever,
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  firefighters, whoever, police officers come in and they were
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  so jealous of the people that would come in there.
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  They made me so uncomfortable working at a job that I quit my
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  job to do something less. I made way less.
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  And then as soon as I started making less, this person left
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  me. They meet you at the
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  mountaintop, y'all. They meet you at the peak and
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  bring your ass back down to the valley.
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  You at the peak. You can't see what's down
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  beneath you, just like we like y'all.
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  You know when you standing at the you standing at the bottom
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  of the mountain, you looking up and like that I cannot see the
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  top of this damn thing. This damn thing huge.
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  You mean it's clouds? It's so far like a whole that is
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  is the top of the mountain. All the space that is so high,
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  but you start the climbing and you realize you get to the top
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  like that. I made it I'm up here.
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  You look down. The same fog is still there.
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  You look down. You can't see the bottom
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  anymore, but guess what? You can't see the bottom anymore
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  and somehow the narcissistic person sneaks through they at
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  the bottom or or or they're at the peak too.
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  They're up there with you. Not every single person who's at
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  a peak in their life meets a bum ass narcissist that's at the
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  bottom where you had to build up.
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  Not everybody does that right. Some people do some people when
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  you're at a peak and you have a lot to give you try you like
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  damn, I'm I'm a I'm a giver, I'm a healer.
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  I'm here to help and heal. Let me take this sorry, horrible
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  ass person and try to build them up.
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  And I know that I know they don't have much to offer, but
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  that's what that that that's what makes them.
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  I know they don't have much to offer, but that's that's what
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  makes them special to me because I can help them out.
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  I'm I'm going to help somebody build them up.
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  You build them up, you give to them and you take from yourself.
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  You give to them while you take from yourself, right.
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  And then you end up going back down.
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  You end up climbing down. Yeah, you have to when you try
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  to pull somebody up, when you at the top of the mountain, it's
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  like a it's like a ledge, right? The top of the mountain is like
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  a ledge. You have to reach down to pull
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  them up like hey, here's take my hand, take my hand and they take
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  your hand and they pull your ass down.
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  Instead of using your hand for leverage and putting their
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  putting their putting their feet in the side of the mountain and
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  pulling themselves up, they take your hand and yank your ass down
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  there with them. Come on down here.
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  It's comfortable down here. They don't want you being above
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  them. They resent the fact that you're
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  above them. When you get the, the lower
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  ones, they resent the fact that you're above them.
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  That's what happens a lot of time we get narcissistic people
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  that are not on the same, not not in the same financial
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  category as you. Y'all.
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  They don't know how to treat. They they become jealous because
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  you are there and they are not. So they treat, they feel that
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  they feel a certain type of way about you and they treat you
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  because they feel a certain type of way about you.
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  They treat you a certain type of way.
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  It's not in it like I'm going to say this is not in a good way.
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  They, they typically, they typically don't treat you in a
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  good way when they feel a certain type of way about you.
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  If they feel negative about you, if they are jealous of you, they
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  treat you like they're jealous of you.
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  That's just factual information. If they are jealous of you, they
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  treat you like they're jealous of you, right?
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  You know, and this is what happens when you at the top,
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  they pull you back down, especially if they're below you.
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  If this is not me trying to say, hey, look, when you get up here,
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  don't date down. I'm not telling you to date down
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  in quotation mark. I'm saying like if you were on a
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  date with somebody that doesn't make the same amount of money
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  and somebody is not accustomed to the same type of lifestyle,
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  vet this vet this bastard first. Vet them very well.
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  Take them like they ain't never had nothing.
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  Y'all, I see this so much. Y'all they resent you for they
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  get you when you're at a peak, right?
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  They get you when you're at the mountain top.
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  That's how they get you gotcha going get you.
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  They get you while you're at the mountaintop when you when you're
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  peeking, that's when they come and get you.
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  So they I said I'm not telling you not to date down in
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  quotation mark. I'm just saying make sure you
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  vet this person good because they'll pull you down.
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  They'll pull you back down to the depths.
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  They'll make you feel like your success doesn't mean anything
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  because to them it makes them jealous and they don't want to
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  hear about it. They minimize your successes.
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  They minimize your accomplishments.
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  They minimize it, you know, they minimize that type of stuff
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  because a lot of times when I'm, when I'm talking to people,
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  y'all, I'll talk to people. I was like, so why did you date
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  this person? You were at this high level.
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  Why'd you date this person? I was lonely.
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  I feel like I had everything. I, I felt like Lee, I felt like
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  I was lonely. I felt like I had everything
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  else in my life was going well and but I didn't have anything.
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  I didn't have a person to share it with and I just have to meet
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  this person. They fit most of my criteria.
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  There was some red flags. There's some look they fit, they
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  fit. They fit most of my they fit
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  most of my criteria. You know they they, they hit me
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  with a couple of these. There are a couple of leaves are
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  thrown around, but I ignored them.
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  A couple of leaves are thrown around.
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  I ignored them right, But now things have changed and did it
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  did it Is that you mean this what happens right there?
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  Y'all they get you. They do this type of stuff to
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  you and then they mess with you, they pull you down because like
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  I said, you've seen the red flags and they saw once, once
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  they have you, once they have you in love or trapped or
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  whatever with a baby on the way or whatever it is, they start to
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  stay, start to show you their true colors and they start to
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  pull you down off their mountain top.
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  They make your life unhappy as hell.
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  And sometimes I talked to I talked to a woman like this last
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  night and she was just like, you know, even though he was doing
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  bad stuff, I was afraid to be alone.
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  So because I was afraid to be alone, I, I overlooked a lot of
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  stuff. You have to be comfortable.
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  Be like being by yourself, y'all be happy being by yourself when
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  you're at the mountain top and the person, the right person
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  will come to you. I promise you.
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  I promise you. Because like I said earlier, you
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  can meet a person in the valley. You can meet people while you're
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  vulnerable. Like if that happens, that
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  happens a lot, y'all. You meet people in your times of
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  need and vulnerability. And then like when you meet
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  people, when you're in the valley, in the valley of grief,
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  that it doesn't mean the valley, the valley of financial ruin,
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  you meet people in the valley of financial grief like you're sad,
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  like you're sad, not financial grief like you're sad.
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  You just lost somebody. You just broke up with somebody.
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  You just got divorced, you're separated.
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  You just, you just got cheated on, right?
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  You meet people when you're sad, you just got fired.
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  When you meet people and you're sad and you feel like they help
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  you out of this. You feel like they help you out
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  and they, they, they are there for you for a little while.
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  You fight, feel like you owe them something.
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  You might feel like you owe them something because they helped
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  you out of this valley. They helped you out when you
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  were sad. They helped you out when you
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  were hurting. So you might feel like you owe
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  this person something. If you feel like you owe this
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  person something, you're more likely to stay with this person
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  through because you feel like you owe this person something.
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  Well, they cheated on me, but they helped me when my mom
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  passed away. Yeah, they cheated on me, but
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  they helped me pay the rent when I got fired from my job.
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  You see what I'm saying? They hit me, but they did.
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  They were there with my my, my pet ferret ran off.
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  You forgive them for stuff because you feel like you owe
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  them for something. When you when you at the
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  mountain top, when you at the peak of your life, you forgive
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  them because you feel like you missed you.
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  You feel like you want this person because you feel like you
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  need them because you're lonely. You see what I'm saying?
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  Meet people when you're in the middle.
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  When you're in the middle, meet people here.
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  When you don't meet people when you have a lot of self love,
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  when you don't need this person, you don't feel like you owe this
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  person shit. Meet them here because you don't
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  owe them anything. They like I said, you don't owe
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  them nothing. You owe you.
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  Eric Thomas has a book called You owe you.
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  You owe you. You don't owe them anything.
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  Meet people when you don't need them.
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  Meet people when you only want to have somebody in your life he
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  likes and they start acting up. They show you a red flag.
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  You take the throne out the window.
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  You throw them out the window. Not physically.
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  You go to you not physically throw them out the window.
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  You go to jail, but you throw them out the window.
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  They don't deserve you, you know, meet people when you don't
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  need them. Meet people when you are happy
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  to be by yourself. Meet people then.
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  Because when you meet people, when you're, when you meet
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  people in your times of need or your times of success or your
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  times of like want and hurt and pain, you feel like you grow
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  these, you grow these weird attachments to them.
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  You grow to like, it's like you're attaching a different,
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  like, you know, movie avatar, you're attaching a different,
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  like little, you know how the avatars had a little dread, the
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  little blue dread? You're attaching a different
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  dread to them. It's unnecessary.
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  You have the unnecessary connections tool and the more
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  connections you have to this person, the hardness to break
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  free. Break it off when they start
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  doing horrible stuff to you. So meet people when you want
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  them and you don't need them. Meet people.
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  You have a lot of self love. Meet people when you have worked
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  on yourself enough they feel like OK, now it's time for a
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  partner. I love me.
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  I'm not afraid to walk away when some crazy shit starts
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  happening, when you start acting up.
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  I'm not afraid to walk away because I know I know I love me
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  more than I love you and that's not narcissism to love yourself
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  more than you love somebody else.
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  It's narcissism. When you love somebody else to
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  the detriment of them, you love yourself to the detriment of
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  others. You know?
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  Anyways, y'all thank y'all tuning in.
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  Hope this video pushes some clarity.
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  Hope it pushes a peace. As always, like and subscribe to
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  the channel. Check out my courses in my
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  support group mental illness is up peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 13:52
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 13:59
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.