Latest / Dear Son, / My Son Wanted To Fight Me | The Dear Son, Show | Ep 153

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My Son Wanted To Fight Me | The Dear Son, Show | Ep 153 · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, is this the moment, because it comes that moment, either in your mind as a young man, you think it if you have a relationship with your father or just authority period, you right, it comes to that point when you think you're ready to test.
0:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, am I about to run through his face?
0:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody has a plan until they get hit.
0:21
[SPEAKER_02]: In the moment, you don't know how you're going to react to something.
0:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, or you like to think,
0:29
[SPEAKER_02]: am I willing to crash out and end my entire relationship with my son for the rest of our lives possibly over an emotional moment?
0:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It was something that wasn't even that right dead.
0:42
[SPEAKER_01]: He hadn't brought up from months ago, right?
0:45
[SPEAKER_01]: That just, and there was no signs of it, and I was like, little me.
0:58
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, let's get to it, man.
0:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Dead Sun Show.
1:00
[SPEAKER_01]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of Fatherhood.
1:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It is four fathers, those with fathers and the fatherless, so nobody's left out.
1:09
[SPEAKER_01]: These are the conversations we want our sons and access as they grow through life in the manhoods and no topics are off limits.
1:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just one of your hosties, John.
1:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm your other host, Jay Black.
1:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Jay Black, how are you feeling, my brave man?
1:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Jay Black brother, yeah.
1:22
[SPEAKER_02]: How are you feeling?
1:23
[SPEAKER_02]: We good, man, I feel good.
1:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I just had a great weekend.
1:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Homecoming, my son, first homecoming.
1:30
[SPEAKER_02]: It is at his school, he's down at LSU.
1:32
[SPEAKER_02]: OK.
1:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Those are my first LSU game ever.
1:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Believe it or not.
1:36
[SPEAKER_02]: But that's what it, that's the same face here by the hit me with.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to Southern, so it's kind of like a little rivalry of inner city rivalry that way.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of like a, we're going to do that.
1:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't go over there.
1:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But now that you're fans though, they don't even play to do that.
1:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not okay.
1:50
[SPEAKER_02]: No, it's just, you know, you don't have to go over the bridge thing.
1:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
1:54
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's my, it's my state representative school since I can't root for the Saints.
1:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I root for LSU.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's probably the best team in the state right now.
2:04
[SPEAKER_01]: on the scrimmage, I don't know.
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's on the scrimmage, I don't know.
2:08
[SPEAKER_01]: On the scrimmage, I might, I might push it out let's see on the line.
2:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I, I, I would.
2:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I don't know if they give rid of that quarterback.
2:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Ooh, they put that back up in, then I pick it, let's see.
2:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, deal.
2:17
[SPEAKER_02]: What about you?
2:18
[SPEAKER_01]: What's the word?
2:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, it's, uh, whole life been going on, man.
2:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, we been, we been away.
2:25
[SPEAKER_01]: for a few weeks, and that's because of me.
2:27
[SPEAKER_01]: So I take the blame, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
2:56
[SPEAKER_01]: God is good man.
2:57
[SPEAKER_01]: God.
2:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I say that.
2:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel in the blessing be.
2:59
[SPEAKER_01]: They're most define it Lee.
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: He is what defiant Lee is some people spell it.
3:04
[SPEAKER_01]: But we can go there.
3:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Hold another topic.
3:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Today's topic is man.
3:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know if I have a I have the points that I want to hit.
3:16
[SPEAKER_01]: But I
3:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You show right.
3:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You show.
3:28
[SPEAKER_01]: You show right, man.
3:31
[SPEAKER_02]: That's fine.
3:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:36
[SPEAKER_01]: That's fine.
3:37
[SPEAKER_01]: The fun fact, me and my team really don't talk like like you wouldn't know I'm a Virginia represented if you heard me and my click talking really we have a whole conversation about you in front of you and you wouldn't know see and then you could tell people that have been around this because they're starting something to say things but with the Virginia is a Virginia still everything for everybody.
3:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
3:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That's half of y'all from New York, but ain't from Atlanta, but ain't, we're not gonna do this yet.
4:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I see what I see the energy.
4:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Clips.
4:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Clips is up.
4:07
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay.
4:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just you show all right.
4:11
[SPEAKER_01]: If I stole it from you, I said I stole it with it.
4:13
[SPEAKER_01]: When is that sentiment?
4:16
[SPEAKER_01]: When it when when you roll it off?
4:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a it's a stay tone.
4:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You you.
4:22
[SPEAKER_02]: You got me messed up.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: But because you got me so messed up.
4:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You write on wrongs, they tune.
4:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I got you.
4:31
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll get you together.
4:32
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just a second.
4:33
[SPEAKER_02]: You show, right, means stand by.
4:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's coming.
4:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Stand by.
4:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Something to me, I mean, you can't count.
4:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It will smear.
4:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't count.
4:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
4:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Ah, boy, boy, boy.
4:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So the last couple of posts that I put up on IG, IG, and Facebook.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: One of them was,
4:58
[SPEAKER_00]: If you adult sign, I think I put, I framed it like this.
5:04
[SPEAKER_01]: My adult sign screamed on me without a second thought, I like people finishing it in the comments.
5:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's how they're.
5:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So, they're having a real life.
5:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Happening real life and I almost caused you.
5:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was, I was so,
5:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And the post like it was a poll.
5:28
[SPEAKER_01]: There's more or a lot more votes, maybe 180 to 180 votes in a poll.
5:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
5:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was some to the fact that I went off on them.
5:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I was too shocked to respond or I talked to him calmly.
5:48
[SPEAKER_01]: About 80% of it was the top one.
5:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I went off with every year, whatever I said to him, but you know, I responded in crime to him.
5:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But for me, it was really big because it came from nowhere.
6:02
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like literally, that's a bill and you already jumped to it.
6:07
[SPEAKER_01]: It came out of nowhere at the moment that had happened.
6:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not going to the details of exactly what happened.
6:13
[SPEAKER_01]: But he saw an exchange between me and Kishan my wife that he thought was one way without all the data.
6:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And we had the exchange and it was in one event like yelling or something, I'm going to, so I was, I was in clean mode.
6:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
6:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
6:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Plant mama had a thousand plants in Windows 2.
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I trimmed them down.
6:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I trimmed them down to the ones I was still breathing.
6:42
[SPEAKER_01]: The ones I was still contributing to the earth.
6:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the other ones I threw away, right?
6:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So the ones that I threw away were clear to me.
6:50
[SPEAKER_01]: These are done, right?
6:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
6:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Scrubbed, you know, scrubbed, the ones that scrubbed, the ones that I'm thinking.
6:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Look what I had.
6:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I thought I had.
7:02
[SPEAKER_01]: The plans weren't the problem, but she had like a couple of planters that had nothing in it.
7:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought it was trash.
7:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So I hit go me, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, trash, they get them out.
7:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
7:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And she asked me about it and I said, say, I didn't realize those were the key I threw them away.
7:18
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what my son sees.
7:22
[SPEAKER_00]: He is living.
7:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't even realize he was in the wrong.
7:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
7:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna leave how he addressed me, but it was it was I was so cut off God like Look at Unexpected number one and we got to that later, but in the moment I was like I was so confused by
7:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, is this the moment?
7:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it comes that moment, either in your mind as a young man, you think it if you have a relationship with your father, or just authority period, it comes to that point when you think you're ready to test.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, am I about to run through his face?
8:10
[SPEAKER_01]: That's, and I was,
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: literally enraged.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I get enraged, it's, I don't see if it's quite.
8:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It ain't going to be a whole lot of screaming and it can be, I'm literally sizing his I'm late to that now.
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Now it's the time.
8:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
8:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
8:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Now it's the time.
8:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Thankfully, it didn't go there, but in the led to a conversation that was needed to be had in as you foreshadow, it was something that wasn't even that
8:43
[SPEAKER_01]: He hadn't brought up from months ago, right, right?
8:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That just, and there was no signs of it.
8:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, little me.
8:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, little me.
8:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because that I, I have been, it like, I've gotten better and used my words, but I'm also still growing through.
9:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Once I've used my words, right?
9:09
[SPEAKER_01]: all best off.
9:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But before I get out, you know, I was, I'd be feeling the way I would change my attitude my tone toward people because of what the conversation is in my head, right?
9:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But if we've had the conversation like in a way that's, we both believe we've come to an understanding and then after that it's still.
9:29
[SPEAKER_01]: for me, yeah, you're so right.
9:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And in that moment, I'm thinking like, like he actually had the he actually walked out of the house which was probably the best thing.
9:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
9:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And I locked him up.
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: The sister came home and knocked on the door and got back in.
9:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And it just like, I was blown for hours.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: hours.
10:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Good thing about it, the deposit that they came out all of it was we didn't go to sleep on it at night because that's nothing with me.
10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, once you write, once you show it right.
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You, you almost don't exist and that's not healthy.
10:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not healthy, especially within the home, especially, you know, a little my son, he's at a critical stage.
10:25
[SPEAKER_01]: He's 18, just figuring the world out, and everything is not working out the way he wants to.
10:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's frustration.
10:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And it that needed more attention than what I knew because it wasn't like I'm just ignoring them, but it was like as we got to the conversation later, there was some things that I probably that I should have said, not probably I should have said a long time ago that bothered me, but I never did.
10:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
10:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
10:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, you know, that there's no retribution for I said, you could tell, you could tell me any given day that you don't like how I run my house.
10:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You can say that.
10:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
11:00
[SPEAKER_01]: You also have a choice not to be here correct, but it's also going to come through with the respect that's due.
11:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's the way to do everything.
11:09
[SPEAKER_01]: This was your past.
11:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
11:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And the other piece of it was like you, you the way you approached me.
11:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want you to learn that lesson in the street.
11:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not talking about
11:20
[SPEAKER_01]: criminal acts.
11:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like a met like if he if he raised up on you as my brother, you probably would have had it in your country, you know, he, he, he, uh, we some to the, we some to the ER.
11:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you want me to call the people to come, you know, but it's face cracked a little bit, right, right, right.
11:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, and we would have, I would have been like, okay, it was it was that kind of thing.
11:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's like it?
11:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it,
11:43
[SPEAKER_01]: If somebody had new reactants home, I would have excused the person that I knew based on the certain things.
11:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And there's so many lessons and story lines in that what you just see.
11:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Two episodes, one episode to go.
12:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It's still taking off right now of you have all these chess beaters about I'm not I would never you couldn't they they read the divorce their wives if she's late or have them late to go on that being the car right yeah so in this instance this is your son yeah this is your household this is your family right
12:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody across the board like you said more often than not they're going to choose a I'm going left I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm everybody has a plan and today get hit yeah in the moment you don't know how you're going to react to something You know or you'd like to think yeah, this is how I will respond to that
12:42
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to be mindful of the tone and the message being set moving forward.
12:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Am I willing to crash out and end my entire relationship with my son for the rest of our lives possibly over an emotional moment?
12:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So now there's another lesson here of controlling my emotions in the heat of the moment.
13:02
[SPEAKER_02]: The penitentiary is filled with young black men that reacted in the moment, this man.
13:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It's when he motion, any motion.
13:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Somebody did something that absolutely was an over-the-top transgression.
13:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And I have two choices.
13:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I can match that energy, and somebody is going to be laid to rest, and somebody is going to the penitentiary.
13:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Or I can try to level myself above the situation.
13:31
[SPEAKER_02]: you did the ladder.
13:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I could have absolutely, I justifiably sold by the, but characteristics you can go back to the Bible.
13:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You can go to the laws that stated as far as your household, your domain.
13:44
[SPEAKER_02]: This is Texas.
13:45
[SPEAKER_02]: You, you know, everything that comes.
13:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Because of all of the rights that I could have exercised in this,
13:51
[SPEAKER_02]: moment at the end of the day, this is my son.
13:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And because this is my son, it's my job to always steadily teach.
14:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
14:01
[SPEAKER_02]: My son.
14:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care that he's 18.
14:03
[SPEAKER_02]: He's still being raised.
14:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And he has to learn son.
14:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I could have, or anybody else could have, should have probably or have.
14:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I said, let them know.
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I like son.
14:14
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a great thing.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, and your father
14:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I don't have, I don't have all the tools all the time to process everything is happening in the moment.
14:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't.
14:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And in that particular moment, I would have been fully just like I, I was, I, I was looking through my son, that's that flash, I like.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going through you.
14:46
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, say, please bump your gun one more time.
14:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Roll, do something there.
14:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think, now I think I know he saw me go there and later on, he told me how he was confused.
15:01
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, I didn't even realize I was yelling at you.
15:03
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, it was so much built up that I responded.
15:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know that I was, I was approaching like, I said,
15:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand that, I said, and what happened or what didn't happen was because of me.
15:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I need you to fully understand that because any other interaction, if you in the store, if you, if we live what we live, you don't go outside expecting to fight any day, let
15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You would have got to tell, you would have got to face broke, getting what, getting it how you got your face broke.
15:44
[SPEAKER_02]: That quick grab choke hole slip.
15:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you don't know.
15:48
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't know what the reaction is.
15:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a knee jerk.
15:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a reflex.
15:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the, that, that was probably the greater lesson of I understand you, your emotions got beyond you in that moment, right?
16:03
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't absolve you of consequence.
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It does not.
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: ever God bless you.
16:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I said outside of this instance, I said, I don't, I said it's in the reason to happen like that.
16:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if we have been bumping hands all day,
16:17
[SPEAKER_01]: The story would be, I probably would have had them boys called it house.
16:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because then that would have been the breaking point.
16:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That would have been the breaking point.
16:22
[SPEAKER_01]: That would have been the breaking point already on.
16:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So what this came out of?
16:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, I'll, I cleaned the house that day.
16:29
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what kind of mood?
16:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I got it like this for the deep scrub.
16:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll talk about the stuff that we'll get to that.
16:37
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll get to that.
16:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I did that kind of stuff.
16:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, man, this is the.
16:42
[SPEAKER_01]: How?
16:44
[SPEAKER_01]: What did you see?
16:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And then later on, we talked about it.
16:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we had a real good conversation.
16:47
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, I'm like, he's like, I'm just, I'm doing some stuff with China.
16:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I, you know, I apologize.
16:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand the era of my ways and, you know, I respect you.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, that was a good, like, line in the same moment.
17:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Not that I'm looking for another moment.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: But I remember having a conversation with my father.
17:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I disrespect my DSOM's stupid stuff and school that but disrespecting the family name.
17:19
[SPEAKER_01]: and the last whipping I got, and I probably said it on him before, he felt so bad because like I was 5 or 11, 16 170, right, right, and I had to take it, right, he was like this was this was, and I'm 12 at that time.
17:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:36
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, this is like, I felt like I was disrespecting you, even though you deserve the punishment, he was like the next time we had to
17:45
[SPEAKER_01]: and I knew that, but again, it was never, even if I either the times that I thought could I take my dad, it was never about something driving me to, to actually see him with it.
17:58
[SPEAKER_01]: See if that's gonna happen.
17:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
17:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So I thought, I was like, hey man, you know, this, grace of God.
18:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And we say they say the stars are lying because like you say it's so many factors that contributed to you being able to de-escalate that in the manner that you did because I'm telling you I wouldn't try that again because you don't know how it's going to go and that's not being you know the big bad whoa that's just basically saying listen you're tapping on a button in the fuse that you have no clue what that is or what that really don't have a kill switch it
18:34
[SPEAKER_02]: It's only so much grace in the world, you know what I mean?
18:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So, hopefully, prayerfully, this lesson was enough that, hey, in the future, be mindful of how you're moving and how you talk to me, because I can't promise you that it's gonna go like that.
18:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, you know, we can pray, we can talk, we can counsel, we can seek, you can do everything you want to do.
18:58
[SPEAKER_02]: But at the end of the day,
19:00
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't know what button that activates in them.
19:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, the man to wear, do they even see this on any more?
19:07
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean, I see threat, I see disrespect.
19:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I see challenge.
19:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I see Charles stop right there because that I couldn't find the word when I said I was looking through.
19:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like it was, like, I don't, I'm not a box, I don't box for split.
19:30
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no, I don't want to spar, like, you know, like, hustling.
19:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm 46.
19:37
[SPEAKER_01]: If I fit, if the switch click for fight is because I think something's not going to go right for me, correct?
19:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And I got to get you out immediately.
19:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what was, and it was a threat that's probably the right word.
19:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was the other piece that was that drove me was Eli was in the other room.
19:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like,
19:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, this is too, this is too birds, same stone.
20:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because he's seeing what's acceptable.
20:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's, that's always a challenge.
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: But one of the challenges we're having children that have that age gap is because yes, you were learning you with figuring things out with the older ones.
20:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So the young ones get a different, hopefully more refined and better version.
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
20:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But they're watching how you deal with the old ones that's kind of setting the ball for a high-fought, they can push the line beyond that.
20:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Certainly, yeah, certainly.
20:31
[SPEAKER_02]: And the olders are watching, hey man, that young one should have done, yeah.
20:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You never let me get crazy, yeah.
20:36
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a two extremes, like you overpower overparent it with my oldest side, right?
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: My youngest side.
20:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I, because I'm seeing the effects of having, yeah, yeah, sure.
20:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that was true for sure, but that was, that was just one of them.
20:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, how do you, how do you, I mean, talking through it?
20:58
[SPEAKER_01]: How would, how would you react in your mind?
21:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Again, you'd like to think there's a certain way to handle it.
21:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I pray that if I pray this never had to hear how many of it does, I pray that you're not in arms reach.
21:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Because if I have to actively get over to you, it takes me to hopefully that by me some time to kind of shake out of it.
21:23
[SPEAKER_02]: If you right there though, yeah, I'm not going to say, I'm a spaz, I'll grab your snatch, you shake you.
21:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I hope not.
21:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't promise you that, though.
21:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Because again,
21:37
[SPEAKER_02]: What is this, you know, I've have a history of being reactive to quickly as a matter of fact, I react too quickly in some instances that I later regret.
21:51
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I use that as my driving force to try to slow myself to anger, but it's a daily struggle for me because I'm still going, I'm going to double hand grab your snatcher
22:07
[SPEAKER_02]: That's enough.
22:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, hopefully that's the, I don't do this, you're gonna hate yourself.
22:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And about an hour, don't do this.
22:14
[SPEAKER_00]: We got there before a couple of years ago.
22:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, and his mom said, so it's a real thing, yeah.
22:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But in that instance, it was like it was data point, data point, data point, data point, data point, and the span of like a few hours, all right.
22:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Calm you still tripping a little bit starting you still tripping slamming door my house a hard reset Hard reset you see what I mean you don't want to do all your tests and and these are the things these are the unspoken These are the the man cold violates here that
23:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes you get in a heat of battle because you haven't done anything for me to have to even explain that to you.
23:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Just hey, just as a certain way to carry yourself around here, right?
23:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And some of those things, other lessons should have conveyed that message to you.
23:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So you're like, uh, that seemed to me like that's right in that category.
23:18
[SPEAKER_02]: It could be going to give me fired up around here.
23:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:21
[SPEAKER_02]: So when you do kind of peak over into that, like, somebody needs them with just then, you know what I mean?
23:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So now after the escalation of
23:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And later, when it's a revisit, like you see it.
23:35
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not just that man about that.
23:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And now I have to, I have to actively see what's going on and why, what are you dealing with?
23:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Am I contributing what you're dealing with?
23:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it your environment, is it the household, the daily stress?
23:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you need some kind of stress relief?
23:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
23:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you need some kind of intervention?
23:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
23:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you need conflict management?
23:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
23:57
[SPEAKER_02]: No body.
23:58
[SPEAKER_02]: We're not focusing.
23:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll just have in this conversation when wife recently about conflict resolution with the younger generation.
24:05
[SPEAKER_02]: You have an interconflict about something, yeah.
24:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Conflict everybody always thinks conflict because I'm in an altercation with someone physically.
24:13
[SPEAKER_02]: You can have a conflict mentally.
24:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And now you don't know how to resolve that mental conflict that you're facing.
24:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a fork in the road.
24:21
[SPEAKER_02]: You feel like you're in a fork in the road daily.
24:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And now I'm trying to find my way of, man, I keep feeling like I keep choosing the wrong option at the fork in the road.
24:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
24:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And so now that's a mental conflict that needs resolving.
24:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So now do I talk to somebody or do I tomorrow I'm going to get that thing right?
24:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Only at the end of the day you feel like you've made the wrong choice or decision yet again.
24:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So now you don't have the wherewithal.
24:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I need some assistance with this, to lay, you've suppressed and suppressed.
24:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You think it's too late, you work right right here, say that because if you breathe in this deal of fixable, but you've suppressed it so long that you're so angry and you have so much pressure built up, it's going to come out.
25:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And in that conversation that we had, man, it was like I said it was good.
25:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And for content, I'm waiting, but we live in the same house.
25:16
[SPEAKER_01]: We interact every day.
25:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I take them to school every day.
25:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
25:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Today's a don't take them to school.
25:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I see him.
25:22
[SPEAKER_01]: He's in the house.
25:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what threw me off because it's like, there were no indicators.
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: The other piece was where they indicated, and I'm missing them.
25:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That kind of thing.
25:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was,
25:34
[SPEAKER_01]: The accountability that I took was, for me to be more mindful of the interactions.
25:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though that was, in conversation, he was like, there was nothing to point at that.
25:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I did it wrong.
25:46
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, I just, something bothered me months ago, right?
25:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I never, I never said anything.
25:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I get that.
25:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I kid that, I was like, if I think hard enough, that's something about me right now from last year that I, that I've just, you show a writing.
26:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I show, you write it away.
26:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You write it away.
26:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But you have to, I'm telling you, it's imperative to try to break that habit.
26:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm working on it even now.
26:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right, I had a,
26:21
[SPEAKER_02]: a boy-up, if you will, to place this weekend.
26:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh.
26:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Look, a truck.
26:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
26:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Some, some things weren't quite going, like my wife thought they would go or should go.
26:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was starting to rub her the wrong way.
26:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I reaction to a couple of things aggravated me.
26:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And typically, like you said, not bringing this up in the moment.
26:45
[SPEAKER_02]: No, Chris, it's weekend out.
26:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
26:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I couldn't.
26:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, now I'm not doing this anymore.
26:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, like, like, we're working on this.
26:52
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
26:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, hey, hey, uh, before this go bad.
26:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's the other thing I had to learn.
26:57
[SPEAKER_02]: It's my delivery.
26:59
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
27:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you can't be so mad that you don't care how this person gets this, you don't get this message and I don't care how you get it.
27:07
[SPEAKER_02]: If it offends you, oh well, I'm aggravated and you should know I'm aggravated.
27:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Now that's not the way.
27:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I can actually be that mad.
27:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
27:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Me too, that's what I had to learn.
27:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you can't get to the,
27:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Bump, I turn out, you know what I mean?
27:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just gonna drop this chill on you.
27:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You figured out, no, because now it's tiff attack.
27:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Now it's a war of words or actions or lack of, because now I'm talking to me, I'm not talking to you.
27:35
[SPEAKER_02]: You go that way, I'm gonna go this way.
27:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on, Doug.
27:38
[SPEAKER_02]: So now it's, hey, listen, I know this and this went like this.
27:43
[SPEAKER_02]: No, you don't like it.
27:45
[SPEAKER_02]: This is frustrating though, like we defend a fix this night and go, we can set this all weekend down.
27:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, after that moment, I saw an immediate change.
27:57
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
27:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So I was like,
27:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I like this better than crashing the whole weekend out.
28:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And now we're not back on good terms until the fall of the weekend.
28:08
[SPEAKER_02]: We're the lost the whole weekend and we're out of town.
28:12
[SPEAKER_02]: What are we getting from crashing out the weekend and money spent?
28:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
28:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Opportunity is here to make the memories.
28:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Try to try to clock in that moment.
28:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That was the time where I would be fine with all of that.
28:24
[SPEAKER_01]: As long as I'm right justified in my mind.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: As long as I can point to a why I believe, I'm justified.
28:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It'd be cool, man.
28:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But one thing you said was, was picking words, even as men, I should say, especially as men, and it's, you know, depending on how mature you are, sounds, it could sound, solve for, or whatever, right, control.
28:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You have been controlled of your words.
28:53
[SPEAKER_01]: to facilitate the best outcome, I think is a side of maturity, it is.
28:59
[SPEAKER_01]: The easier thing is to meet somebody with it and, again, time and place where that is, I don't know if you wanna call it appropriate or that is absolutely what's gonna happen.
29:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is it, it's absolutely what's gonna happen.
29:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not saying, when you see somebody
29:21
[SPEAKER_01]: to slap you in your face, you start using your words at that point.
29:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what you're talking about.
29:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying that, I'm not saying that, and honestly, side note, be aware of your distance.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Be aware of striking distance.
29:36
[SPEAKER_01]: If you size, I mean, even in the conversation, I'm still sizing up, because side note.
29:44
[SPEAKER_01]: But using your words, I don't know if I had that kind of capacity with strangers, but with somebody that is looking to me to see what I do or don't do, and that, and I know that impacts their life, I'm always going to take that responsibility as much as I can as
30:06
[SPEAKER_01]: But totally as I can't in the moment in my house, that's just kind of where I met with it.
30:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and that should be a double standard.
30:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't understand how people tell them to stand against the double standard king.
30:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
30:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't understand people that handle their family, their household with the zero tolerance that they use in the street.
30:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
30:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Surely your family deserves a bit more grace than the strains is in the street.
30:34
[SPEAKER_02]: But you're going to have to know if you're doing the right thing, the right way, right is right on the street.
30:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
30:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Shut up talking to me.
30:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's fine.
30:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to do you.
30:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Shut up talking to me, though.
30:43
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not real for me.
30:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Newsflash.
30:45
[SPEAKER_01]: We actually don't care how you respond to what we say.
30:49
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not saying what we say to change what you do at your house no at best create a conversation And if you come away from that conversation that you have internally with somebody else and it betters you Shall all Peace of God be upon you otherwise
31:04
[SPEAKER_01]: The content is for conversation correct.
31:07
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't agree and that's not how you run your house nothing changed before after you saw that content These my mistakes in my perspective That's it and I'm not doing making mistakes that at all.
31:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I got so many mistakes like a show shall go on There's show shall go Problems and if you feel it's so kind of weird about it just say just comment block me and I believe it
31:27
[SPEAKER_01]: out of comedy.
31:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I'm a block confess, man.
31:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
31:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You use yours, man.
31:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, the other thing was on a lighter.
31:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let less potential vibes.
31:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But as series of a note is, um, the conversation about dating a young woman that has a child that's not yours.
31:54
[SPEAKER_01]: That conversation came up.
31:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It did on the right home when I was saying, woo, wait a minute, wait a minute.
32:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm grateful that the conversation came up because I never had the conversation with my dad.
32:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
32:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
32:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know when I put that up, people had a lot to say about that, too.
32:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it is not for me to say that anybody that was wrong.
32:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if your experience doesn't align with my,
32:25
[SPEAKER_01]: but it is a commitment and that's the main thing that I was trying to drive home to him.
32:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, it's, it's a package deal, even if it's not presented that way.
32:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Please note it.
32:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Because directly and directly, you are impacting that child, I promise.
32:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're not ready for that commitment to that child, don't engage with her in that matter or at the very least,
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: that needs to be some way to segregate which I don't know how it works, you know?
32:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know some women, or even some men, just a few men, some women and men were not introduced their children to somebody for a time, right?
33:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And I get that, but even in that, I would think that the thought is, it's progressing to a point that I will at some point, bring this person to my life.
33:24
[SPEAKER_01]: What are your thoughts on it?
33:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Because my, my situation, I, I have no way to be biased in the situation because I'm on both sides of the fence.
33:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
33:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
33:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Me, a lot, I have a lot.
33:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
33:40
[SPEAKER_02]: There's so many variables in factors, right?
33:43
[SPEAKER_02]: One is,
33:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I saw a person reply that said, hey, I wouldn't want that for my son at such a young age.
33:51
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the key factor.
33:54
[SPEAKER_02]: At such a young young age, you have the opportunity, if you will, to explore and find things out about people.
34:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, about you, but especially yourself.
34:06
[SPEAKER_02]: So now the opportunity to go start a family.
34:09
[SPEAKER_02]: When you're ready,
34:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You kind of sometimes you're your rob yourself of jumping into a phase of life that you're not prepared for, you haven't grown into that phase, but because I like this person so much, it inserts me into a phase that I was not ready for anyway, but now because I like this person so much, I'm forcing the phase, but now I'm putting the car before the horse.
34:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I have an established myself enough to take care of myself.
34:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Let alone the responsibilities that come with taking.
34:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I know she independence.
34:44
[SPEAKER_02]: You got to understand.
34:45
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not how this works.
34:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care how independent she is before he got there with her child.
34:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Now that he's there, that's now his responsibility as well.
34:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So if I can't contribute, if I'm not a contributor, the cool.
35:00
[SPEAKER_02]: That's his responsibility as well.
35:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's see how that turned out because now,
35:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not, again, it's not just me dating you.
35:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't need you taking care of my kid.
35:08
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not about a need.
35:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about structure.
35:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm raised and reared in a way that if this is mine, if I'm responsible for this or you or them or y'all,
35:21
[SPEAKER_02]: your needs wants, your health, all of these things matter.
35:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's part of this, it's a consideration in my daily decision making.
35:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And as you have been, if it's not, you're selfishly taking advantage of this situation and you shouldn't be out of his sport dating a woman sport date that has this level of responsibility.
35:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, she can't afford to sport date in my opinion.
35:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Or he, if it's a single day, you shouldn't be sport dating.
35:48
[SPEAKER_02]: without any intentions of anything whatsoever.
35:50
[SPEAKER_02]: You just out here like, hey, this is my balance.
35:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just trying to, I'm not just in what you've got going on, but for me and my hand, yeah, I'm trying to convey this thought, this idea into my sons.
36:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't be out here sport dating with women that have a certain level of responsibility that don't match your capability.
36:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
36:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So for more context, the age that we're talking about, I put in the post 20, if you're 20 year old son, my son is 18.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's say 18 to 20, 21, whatever.
36:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And the way that he presented it to me was, he was asking for advice, which applaud him for that because I didn't, I wouldn't, I meant my father would have never had this conversation.
36:40
[SPEAKER_01]: No, not because he wasn't available because I wouldn't have taken this conversation to him, because of what I saw of his life.
36:48
[SPEAKER_01]: his high-circle's back.
36:49
[SPEAKER_01]: He asked me because of what he knows of my life.
36:52
[SPEAKER_01]: See?
36:52
[SPEAKER_01]: He said because you am I, you know it?
36:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Said I correct.
36:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So to answer it, the answer for me is don't ever do it.
37:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I gave him my perspective.
37:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I was 23 and the rationale that I have,
37:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Before this conversation like that, I've always lived with his because Kees and I had a relationship before that, right?
37:18
[SPEAKER_01]: We had a relationship, we apart, we got back together.
37:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And people, you know, people will fill away about that.
37:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But that was what it was for me because outside of Kees, I never seriously dated a woman that had children.
37:34
[SPEAKER_01]: sport dating, you pull my car on that one because it was absolutely sport dating, where I thought I was being mature was, I don't want to be around your child because I don't, you like, like, I'm, because I don't have what I mean, I don't know.
37:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I like children.
37:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I like children.
37:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know me, for me, it was always going to be marriage.
37:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Not that the first thing that came along smoking, I was ripped, but that's that was the model that I saw.
37:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Like people that haven't seen it.
38:02
[SPEAKER_01]: may not be this.
38:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You kind of mimic what you see, especially if you see it working.
38:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, even in the whole phase, I'm like, I know this, like, this is not, I don't want this life.
38:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Right now, the seat was happening.
38:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But I don't want this as a life.
38:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was always going there and I knew for me, if I
38:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was at 19, I was in a house.
38:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, not in my parents' house, right?
38:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And the house would cut and grant home responsibilities.
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, fixing leaks and like, like, I'm moving that way.
38:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know for some,
38:42
[SPEAKER_01]: God was attractive, because I'm like, hey, he'll, he established, like, he elices my dis on providing, having a situation where it's not like we, we trying to temper for ourselves.
38:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So I tried to give him all of that, but I also know what it is to be 18, 19, 20, and 21.
38:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And every other age, he will be until he catches me.
39:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Great, tons of expertise on all those ages that
39:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, we were driving, so I couldn't really part of it was night and shock, but I was like, oh, we are at that stage with definitely at that stage.
39:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like, um, the other piece of it was like, it's complicated because there is a parent, another parent that is involved by hook
39:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that's what the involvement stops, but it still complicates things.
39:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Because there's questions that you can't answer.
39:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You never experienced it, but you have to be accommodating to that and whatever point in life that becomes a thing.
40:00
[SPEAKER_02]: And if the donor at some point in life wants to reinsert, wants to reinsert.
40:05
[SPEAKER_02]: the right is there.
40:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
40:07
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you do?
40:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
40:08
[SPEAKER_02]: You can feel however you want to be.
40:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
40:11
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's said that you don't really have a say in this.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Sure.
40:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
40:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
40:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have a say, but you don't share custody and matter facts, shout out the foreshadowing.
40:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, uh, shout out the rosewood law firm.
40:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Um,
40:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be providing some legal expertise that will help people understand the ramifications of family agreements when things don't work out this.
40:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Because even when things are great on the surface, now you're battling two different households, like this if they share custody.
40:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what did they pick it up and what's being put down when they're away from the house that you're at?
41:05
[SPEAKER_01]: What about that it's not your child moments when the parent and the other parent have to make a decision about a child that you've accepted responsibility for, but you can't technically,
41:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can't technically dictate how things as much as as much as you are.
41:24
[SPEAKER_01]: This is my house and it, oh, I played with them.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Coates.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, stop, stop, stop playing with them with them with them.
41:30
[SPEAKER_01]: New ons, the grimist and the nuanced, um, um, co-parenting situations and styles that you had no idea was going to be a thing because you can't control the emotions.
41:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sure you can't control the emotions of the other man.
41:45
[SPEAKER_01]: right and not.
41:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And if that if that man and your now girlfriend's, but your significant other, have a static that is why they're not together, that static doesn't go away because you're there.
42:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't.
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So now when that static comes, what is, what is the, what is the temperature with you in that man?
42:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You're involved with what is that because what I had to realize and
42:16
[SPEAKER_01]: When y'all disagree, my house isn't this array.
42:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't tolerate it.
42:23
[SPEAKER_01]: There's only one side I can be on.
42:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I completely understand the side that you're gonna be on and have what we see each other when we see each other.
42:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Every time we can shoot, then, until.
42:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Until.
42:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And definitely, I'm not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere, right?
42:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's not even an extreme situation.
42:42
[SPEAKER_01]: There's not.
42:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That could be,
42:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not together because we weren't meant to be together, but we have a child.
42:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But you still have the dealings of, right?
42:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe now, now you're the sounding board of why she hates this person.
42:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
43:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And I only get, I can listen to so much.
43:03
[SPEAKER_01]: What do we do?
43:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we ask in one of us to go to jail, like ultimately,
43:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Those are the things that you can't see from this side because everything is enjoyable.
43:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I lived it.
43:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I lived it because I was the outside of the household element.
43:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So, and I'm on the other side of it.
43:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:26
[SPEAKER_02]: So, and I'm on the other side of it.
43:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:28
[SPEAKER_02]: So, and I'm on the other side of it.
43:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So, we from two different sides, they're the same type of scenario to where the new husband, who and I had to have a conversation about that very thing,
43:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not, there's a side I must take because I'm only gonna be on it.
43:48
[SPEAKER_02]: But at the end of the day, the interactions are leaving my household in disarray.
43:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Just like what you just said, I suggested I was a hate man.
43:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm moving forward.
44:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I have no problem with you being on three way for every call.
44:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
44:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you in on the text thread because it eliminates the whole one side of the story thing.
44:11
[SPEAKER_02]: because you're not going to disrespect me, you're not going to disrespect my household.
44:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not going to intentionally disrespect you or your household, but you don't get to push the button.
44:22
[SPEAKER_02]: You dropped the shit over here.
44:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm going to sit there passively and let you know, man.
44:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me send you a message of chaos over there while I enjoy my weekend.
44:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I know I know this drive hurt when I do this.
44:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So, no, no, no, please, that way you can hear where for where it was going on.
44:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And when you're around the interaction, it's different anyway.
44:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, bless his name.
44:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So I need you to stay in the mix, so that it stays on this note right here.
44:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's perfect for me, yeah.
44:49
[SPEAKER_02]: But when you're not around, there's so many conversations attempting to be had that I want nothing to do with and here comes the confusion.
44:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And the conversation is typically
45:02
[SPEAKER_01]: brought to me in my experience when the confusion is at a level we can't get beyond.
45:07
[SPEAKER_01]: That was the same.
45:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And now I don't have a history.
45:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how we got here.
45:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So even with the history, I'm a still beyond this side.
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: But now it's presented.
45:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like
45:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You just respect my wife.
45:19
[SPEAKER_02]: It sounds like it and I did, I did both back.
45:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And we had a similar, we came to a similar understanding.
45:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it was the ain't no tough guy.
45:29
[SPEAKER_01]: No, none of this tough guy's no, not at all.
45:31
[SPEAKER_00]: But like we actually met up.
45:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Under the rest, yeah.
45:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But it worked out in conversation.
45:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:43
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, yo, her and I have never been able to communicate.
45:49
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you going?
45:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you mind if I talk to you?
45:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Please.
45:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I'm so sorry.
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my, perfect.
45:56
[SPEAKER_01]: That like, he's like, bruh, it's like, I said, and then we had come and said, I was like, man, you.
46:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I just understand, like when you create this in my house, all I know is the side of it just created in my house.
46:08
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all.
46:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's valid.
46:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not discounting because how she feels how she feels.
46:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
46:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, there's y'all have a history that I don't want all of the details on what I do now.
46:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm sure it led to what y'all aren't together.
46:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's an, you know, high five for that, you know what I'm saying?
46:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, it like that things that are going to be presented through a lens of history that I don't have.
46:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And like these are the things that you can't, and I'm 23, 24 at this stage.
46:41
[SPEAKER_01]: through life experiences, I'm, my son is way more mostly mature than I am in a lot of instances than I was at that stage.
46:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But just in life experiences, it's eight to like I said, 19, I was in a house.
46:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I was getting up going to work.
46:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like, right, right, right.
46:54
[SPEAKER_01]: It was in my name, like all this stuff.
46:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's not the path that he's on, which I think is great.
47:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Another topic, headline that I saw about fathers convincing his son to stay home longer.
47:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Before they move out, we're gonna, we definitely gonna get to that.
47:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
47:10
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's trying to frame it in the way again, not having the experience of having this conversation, even though I had those thoughts and then making sure that I'm giving him real information because it's easy to kind of assume about my story and be like, what that's, I mean, that's how it is.
47:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And then like I said, I'm on both sides of the fence because my oldest daughter has a child who's father's nine of all.
47:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So I want her to be able to, you know what I'm saying?
47:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying her person, right?
47:39
[SPEAKER_01]: She's not in her 30s.
47:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the right.
47:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the lens through which I look at anybody that she brings around.
47:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like for me, that same attachment to the child, I can't attach to you because I don't know.
47:53
[SPEAKER_01]: because you know how to fan the way what you in the family and family that'd be the most frustration about anything that if the relationship didn't work out man it wouldn't be about missing the her it's like not let you you my family know you you open me it is they like you like oh right I don't like that I don't like that so like that stop bringing don't bring your randoms to me yeah until it's serious like like one of the boy the boy eggs
48:23
[SPEAKER_02]: The great girl, you know, you know, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
48:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Wonderful girl.
48:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
48:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And it just didn't work out with them.
48:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But now I travel in circles where we run into her.
48:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
48:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Still hug her, talk to her, check on her, or we'll be in.
48:39
[SPEAKER_02]: My wife loves you, love my wife.
48:41
[SPEAKER_02]: because you didn't do it, dance.
48:42
[SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
48:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't have four, five, six, eight.
48:47
[UNKNOWN]: Right.
48:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
48:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't do this, baby.
48:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
48:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And Lord forbid, I like a X morso that you actually, I'm for the mayor.
48:54
[SPEAKER_02]: This one.
48:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, it says.
48:57
[SPEAKER_02]: What a post.
48:58
[SPEAKER_02]: We can't let someone so come to the island.
49:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, no, that's another shot.
49:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard that thing.
49:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
49:03
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, that's comment.
49:05
[SPEAKER_02]: What brings it done?
49:06
[SPEAKER_02]: As people, there's families out there, man.
49:08
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the only letting the idiot come over for the holidays.
49:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And the person to marry them, somebody hasn't moved on.
49:15
[SPEAKER_02]: When it's still letting the eggs come around, we don't talk about that.
49:18
[SPEAKER_02]: No, but they don't.
49:18
[SPEAKER_02]: On another episode.
49:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Cause, but then, when I know the thing, If, if, if, if, if B hits you with that conversation, we didn't tell him.
49:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Cause you, he's 19.
49:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Going on 20.
49:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not going shy because the camera, I'm going to tell him don't do it.
49:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I know
49:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And here's the thing, here's the disclaimer.
49:40
[SPEAKER_02]: We're not the end of our be-all.
49:42
[SPEAKER_02]: If you really, really love this person and cut for this person like that, and you go against the grain and you run with it anyway, my opinion is my opinion, it's just my opinion.
49:52
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a young adult, I can't tell you, I forbid you to, I don't roll like that.
49:58
[SPEAKER_02]: You want my opinion, you wanna know where I stand on it.
50:01
[SPEAKER_02]: with the visions and the things and thoughts that I have for your life and things that I'm trying to continuously pour into you.
50:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to tell you, don't do it.
50:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Selfishly, if there's any time in your life to be selfish, it's your younger daughter.
50:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Because now you're building and setting the foundation for the rest of your life.
50:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And you, the least amount of hiccups and roll blocks that you can willfully accept.
50:32
[SPEAKER_02]: This wasn't a slip-up, this wasn't an accident, this wasn't a...
50:35
[SPEAKER_02]: a careless act that led to you being into the situation.
50:38
[SPEAKER_02]: This is actively choosing a situation that could absolutely hinder some other difficult decisions you may need to make.
50:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You may need to go relocate for three years to get your career stabbed.
50:52
[SPEAKER_02]: You may need to go to, hey, we need them in Wisconsin for three years over here.
50:57
[SPEAKER_02]: But after that, the foundation he's going to get here,
51:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, now you have these other lives to consider, yeah, well, take our support system is here, season school and her kid and you have all of these other things that you naturally would not have on your plate that you signed up.
51:19
[SPEAKER_02]: to have these difficult decisions to make.
51:21
[SPEAKER_02]: When if you just keep it clean, keep it simple in the beginning.
51:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
51:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And go establish yourself selfishly.
51:27
[SPEAKER_02]: worry about you.
51:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't worry about mom.
51:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't worry about dad.
51:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Go establish yourself selfishly.
51:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And now you're in a position to be.
51:36
[SPEAKER_02]: whoever you need or want to be in life, if should you choose that's the route that you want, or you end up, hey, the conventional route, where I've met someone, and now we have children together.
51:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever that is, I don't even know your self-consciousness to be able to say, me or ego, some me and cannot.
51:56
[SPEAKER_02]: raise another man's child.
51:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I would never because he always thinking about the other man that's not even there anymore and vice versa.
52:04
[SPEAKER_02]: The other guys, insecurities constantly trying to accuse you of things or get greasy with you because you in the position that he could not or did not feel.
52:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So my long short answer is I'm telling my and don't do it.
52:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I think that's the right answer.
52:21
[SPEAKER_01]: for you, not that I needed to, of validation and stuff.
52:24
[SPEAKER_01]: But, and I think for men that feel like they would never raise somebody else's child, don't, don't do it then.
52:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Same thing with Mary, I would never get married.
52:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That, I'm, great that you understand it.
52:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't.
52:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not for everybody.
52:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't problem.
52:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't go, don't go, create in a situation just so you have data to prove why you should enough.
52:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You should have never got married.
52:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You should have never raised somebody else's child.
52:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Look what I need.
52:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
52:46
[SPEAKER_02]: That's all over this woman.
52:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I told you.
52:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I wouldn't have told you.
52:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care about what you said in the comments.
52:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Why?
52:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
52:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Please know, live your life for me.
52:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's the conversation of are you willing to accept every challenge that may come with this person?
53:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
53:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, you don't have enough data to know that.
53:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, end up like, like, in the moment, you could, you could truly believe that.
53:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You could truly believe that.
53:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You could truly believe that, but having not dealt with life, especially on your own and how you would adjust because the thing is, it's not, for me, it's not even so much about
53:30
[SPEAKER_01]: As much as it is about raising somebody as a child or how you can affect that child is, are you actually designed to, to parent and think about this perspective.
53:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And he lived it.
53:45
[SPEAKER_00]: He was six when I met his mom.
53:48
[SPEAKER_02]: My current wife, yeah, when I met her,
53:52
[SPEAKER_02]: my older son was six.
53:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
53:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So he's seen.
53:55
[SPEAKER_02]: He like, but, but you did it.
53:58
[SPEAKER_02]: You came dating mom.
53:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Y'all hit it off.
54:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
54:01
[SPEAKER_02]: You raised me.
54:03
[SPEAKER_02]: We did well.
54:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I have the life that that I don't have any complaints.
54:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
54:09
[SPEAKER_02]: But.
54:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I was 30 and this was my second marriage.
54:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I learned myself in the mistakes that I made in my first marriage with three children in that marriage.
54:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And now, I come and meet your mom.
54:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not even, I think I'm sport dating to an extent.
54:29
[SPEAKER_02]: But we hit it off so well.
54:32
[SPEAKER_02]: It kept going.
54:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't come in like, man, I'm just gonna date this girl.
54:36
[SPEAKER_02]: What even that, it was just take her out on the date there.
54:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Saw somewhere, I was attracted to her.
54:42
[SPEAKER_02]: After I don't the date, we went on the date.
54:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even know you have children yet.
54:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
54:46
[SPEAKER_02]: But the date went so well, when you do say, hey, I have a son to the to the to the to the to the.
54:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm cool with it and we keep dating and dating and dating and then we get married.
54:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's easy for him to in that moment call me a hypocrite.
54:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
55:00
[SPEAKER_02]: People crit.
55:01
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was 30, so when I was 19, it's that believe it or not, those 11 years are mine, you meant to my boy.
55:10
[SPEAKER_01]: The three or four for me, I'm like, where am I, you meant to get a career career?
55:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not your mentor.
55:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And the other thing for me, again, like the timeline, I saw marriage in my family.
55:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just me and my sister's children and family, but by 24, my sister was married.
55:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I think my parents got married like 22, 23.
55:29
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not necessarily I have to do this on this clock, but it's like that was normal.
55:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I genuinely feel this way about a person at this age,
55:42
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no other data points to say, I, 30 would be better.
55:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
55:45
[UNKNOWN]: 35.
55:46
[SPEAKER_01]: None of it in experience on how to make sure that none of it is about regret.
55:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't wish anything happened differently.
55:53
[SPEAKER_01]: No, right.
55:54
[SPEAKER_01]: It would have been a cool to avoid some of the experiences getting to where we are as a family.
55:59
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I, what I, what I risked the opportunity of meeting any of my children, let alone doing life with them, my changing, where if I, we would just,
56:08
[SPEAKER_01]: No, but because I did it when I did it, I have data from that point that can help God you.
56:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
56:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you said, you could take it to leave it.
56:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully you take it into consideration, but it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sticky situation because like, like you say, he presented because, you know, because you were mom, and again,
56:34
[SPEAKER_01]: for whatever success you want to make of, however it turns out, I don't want that to be the standard, but am I, is it, am I hypocrite?
56:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Because, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
56:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't do me, yeah, don't cut it, please.
56:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It absolutely worked out for me, yeah.
56:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not guaranteed for anyone, anybody.
56:54
[SPEAKER_02]: There's no guarantee it's going to work out for you.
56:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And it worked out for me.
56:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
57:00
[SPEAKER_02]: We already know our personalities are different.
57:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a different person than he is.
57:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And who's to say the personality of the woman you own me?
57:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just so many variables that is it's hard to give a cookie cutter answer.
57:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there isn't.
57:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there isn't one.
57:15
[SPEAKER_01]: There isn't one.
57:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know, man, that's been my last few weeks.
57:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's trying to be my full love like where they are in life.
57:25
[SPEAKER_01]: even trying to stay more aware of the frequency of conversations.
57:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that was nothing.
57:32
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, we don't, it's like, we don't do it like together.
57:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, we had this conversation before.
57:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, you, but your girl says you closed your door.
57:39
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I know.
57:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
57:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it wasn't me deflecting.
57:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, if we're now in man-to-man conversations,
57:53
[SPEAKER_01]: This is my viewpoint as a man and you have your viewpoint and where's the opportunity?
57:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's the opportunity?
58:04
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I said the thing that threw me the most is that you feel like I haven't screamed on you, I don't know this year.
58:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Like in a threatening, not that.
58:14
[SPEAKER_01]: What up?
58:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You're saying, we can see it with that.
58:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be with other, basically how I see it.
58:20
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was like, it's the, and it's not that we haven't talked about us having issues with each other, right?
58:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we've literally had conversations in this tone, right around, he's like, yeah.
58:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, honestly, I don't know how much more of a reach out to do because number one, that's just not my person.
58:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just being honest with you.
58:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you're getting, I'm sorry, tree apple, that's typically how it works.
58:44
[SPEAKER_01]: tree apple, I put that before for the tree, as far as the first is break.
58:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You see what's in.
58:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm working on that bottle.
58:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I just like, I don't know how else to use my words in a different way to communicate if I have a challenge with you.
59:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And then if I don't see something changing.
59:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to accept your answer because you're answering me one way or another correct correct if we have a conversation in an environment in a way that I know your comprehending and you tell me you comprehending in the moment I'm cool with me like you're a man I'm cool with me you know Eli we got some we got some but he's 10 so the did you what you just saying yeah
59:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You can, next stage, like just like we'll talk about again, we had this incident.
59:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Are we clear about tone, are we clear about this respect?
59:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
59:43
[SPEAKER_01]: We will never have this conversation again.
59:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my God.
59:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And I probably won't apologize.
59:50
[SPEAKER_01]: There's something happens where you, because that point is intentional.
59:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Because now, because now, the way my mind works.
1:00:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll let you make it, and now you think it's all right.
1:00:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Now you think that's the tone, yeah.
1:00:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So now it's like, it's, it's, things that go uncheck, continue to go on, yeah.
1:00:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So now this was the, this was my God bless you, Mom.
1:00:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't ever, ever, ever try this again, because I don't know how it's going again, not the big bad wolf.
1:00:25
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't know how it's going to go, because next time you probably gonna be right there in that reach.
1:00:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And the variable for me is not me, it's you, it's you.
1:00:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what your hands do.
1:00:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm very comfortable, like I'm, I'm okay.
1:00:45
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no other story about how that was going to turn out in my mind.
1:00:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
1:00:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you could have shown me that.
1:00:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to know.
1:00:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to know.
1:00:56
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
1:00:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to know which one of us is better.
1:00:59
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
1:00:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to know.
1:01:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I have a bad habit of not letting the other person find out.
1:01:06
[SPEAKER_02]: If they better, I don't want that.
1:01:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know what it is to fight for your life, and that's another way I can fight.
1:01:13
[SPEAKER_01]: My life is on fire.
1:01:15
[SPEAKER_01]: If it has to go there, I'm thinking that somebody's trying to take my life.
1:01:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's a different thing.
1:01:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that ain't, that ain't rest never mind.
1:01:24
[SPEAKER_01]: That's me.
1:01:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We, my bag said that you might be able to rest me right now.
1:01:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's like, let's grab it.
1:01:30
[SPEAKER_01]: But don't erase me, sign up.
1:01:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't erase me.
1:01:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that's the time.
1:01:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't erase me.
1:01:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't, please.
1:01:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't erase me.
1:01:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Please, man.
1:01:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we, we land this play, bro.
1:01:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're,
1:01:49
[SPEAKER_02]: showing grace to those we love because too often we too quickly.
1:01:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I would have knocked my son between that Washington drive.
1:01:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on down.
1:01:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I get it.
1:02:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not saying you should or should not, but what I am saying is if there's an opportunity to have a moment of grace.
1:02:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you know your kid.
1:02:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, if your kid is a YN, Renegade, and your savage out here, and he doesn't afford one more ounce of grace, you know your child, apply that pressure, get on the gas, that's your job.
1:02:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Shame on you for letting the kids in that point anyway, which is the point of this conversation.
1:02:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Checks in balance.
1:02:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:02:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Checks in balance.
1:02:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
1:02:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, the grace of God.
1:02:36
[SPEAKER_01]: That's good.
1:02:38
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I got, man, um, like, Sanskrit, we all, we all, that's probably the answer to about the book, both books.
1:02:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So I won't belay with that.
1:02:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but yeah, man, you just, uh, just been, that's been the thing, you use your words, even, even if there's an option that seems justifiable.
1:03:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I want me to say,
1:03:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe one extended.
1:03:11
[SPEAKER_01]: We appreciate you guys God bless you peace.