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Monday Mini: Women And Happiness : Part 1 · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephan
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I Never told you production of iHeart Radio. And welcome
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to another edition of the Monday mini series. Yes, Happy Monday,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Happy Monday. And today, surprisingly it's not a TikTok talk.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: You're welcome home. No Samantha's tiktalk talk. No Samantha's TikTok talk. Today.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: It's April. It is very rainy. It's coming in like
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: a lion. Right in the hut, goes, I don't know
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: the saying it's coming in like a lion, and he's like,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I am something yeah or something like that. And this
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: is in April? Is it March? March? March comes in
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: May flowers, April showers, bring mayfly hours. That's it there,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: it is. So it's April and it's very stormy. That
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: was what I was trying to say, in my very
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: in archticulate typical manner where I get all of my
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: sayings and phrases wrong and typically say the wrong word.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I like, man, why am I a podcast are anyway?
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: But yes, it's April, except for today the weather has
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: been nice and then today is now all thundering and stormy.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: But because it has been nice and beautiful, uh, and
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: because we've been through some tough things things that are happening. Um,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: the US is not very stable right now, whether it's
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: due to the policies that people are in acting, um,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: the racism that is happening, and the anti blackness that's
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: happening with our Supreme Court justice nominee going through her questioning,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: it's the whole thing, y'all. But you know, I was
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: really going to try to do a cheery, happy a
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: subject for the start of this week or whenever you're
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: listening for the start of the beginning of this podcast episode,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: because I'm also known as the negative one that kind
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: of goes a pessimistic turn. I'm like, you know what,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I'm really I'm really gonna do good. I'm gonna do
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: a cheery one. We're gonna be happy. And as I
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: was trying to research good things that are happening, good
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: news for women around the world, I didn't find much
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: any um. And I don't know if it's because again
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: my Google such as like you're from the US, you
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: only want the US news. There is a problem when
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: it comes to savoritism in UH Western culture where we
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: kind of fetish size trauma and also saving people. So
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: we take these good days and make it something that
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: people just want to watch. I know they call it.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I think some people call it trauma porn all that
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: where they thrive in seeing people suffer and then having
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: someone filmed them being filmed saving them. And I'm not
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: gonna lie. That is something I hate with a passion
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: and I will not ever ever praise that in any way.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: So outside of those things, I really couldn't find much,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: but it did take me down a rabbit hole of things. Uh.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: And it's specifically about women in happiness and contentment. So
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, let's let's google just google
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: women in happiness and we got some interesting results. An
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: he didn't weigh and because I did, I did find
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: a few articles, some very outdated, uh, some a little
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: bit newer, very different points of perspective. We decided that
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: we were going to read a couple of articles for specifically,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna take this in two parts, uh, because
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I think it's as a little bit themed two parts
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: to what we have found in a few of the
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: articles that we found interesting and wanting to talk about
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: and discuss. So pretty much the entirety of these articles
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: were themed around happiness and women. Just remember this, so
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: part one Monday many happiness with women, and this has
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: a little more to do with like women in their
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: bodies and or having children and what they're what the
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: meaning of life is, right right, right? So yeah, let's
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: read some of these articles and then dissect, shall we.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: And of course, even though it's just Anye and I
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: on the mic right now, we love your opinions and
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: your thoughts, and if you have thoughts outside of what
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: we are going to say, please send it so we
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: can have that as a part of the discussion in
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: a different episode. Also, if you have any good news,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: because clearly we're struggling to find some struggling we were
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: hoping to get some good news soon, I will say.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: But if also, we would love it to be outside
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: of the US. And by the way, apparently we have
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: a big group of listeners in Australia. I believe I
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: think you said Brazil in chul A before, so I
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: would love to hear you're this y'all give it to us.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And if you're from Finland, apparently Finland is the most
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: happy country to live in. Please you also does some
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: good news because I didn't know. Okay, yes, all right,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So here's one of the articles I found, and I
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: have a feeling y'all are gonna know what type of
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: news article this is. But the title of it is
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: why don't we tell women what's making them miserable? And
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: it is written by Carrie Gress. It was written in
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: auguste And by the way, the other part to this
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: title is feminism and its Failures. I feel like that's
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: a big heads up. Yeah, okay, So with so many
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: feminist advances, women should be getting happier instead of just
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: more medicated. Over the last five decades, feminism has made
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: a long march through American culture, culminating in the first
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: female vice president of the United States. But it isn't
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: clear that feminism is fruit are helping everyone happy. These
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: metrics confirmed that women are struggling. Suicides, depression, substance abuse,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: and sexually transmitted infections have all increased dramatically over the
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: last five decades. Women aren't becoming happier, just more medicated.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: A twenty twenty Pew report showed that over fift of
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: liberal white women under thirty have some sort of mental
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: health issue. That statistic alone is studying enough to indicate
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: that something is going very wrong for the modern woman,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: despite the study uptick of feminist advances. I recently had
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: dinner with two friends who work at a crisis pregnancy center.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: They told me some far from unusual stories about the
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: challenges of their residents face and the rough living must
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: have experienced being trafficked, pimped, addicted, incarcerated, abuse, and on
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: and on. Crisis pregnacy centers, despite their recent mischaracterization in
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: the handmads till do amazing work to protect and help
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: rebuild the lives of new mothers. But it is striking
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: to consider that we as a culture do precious little
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: to help women avoid those troublesome situations from the beginning.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: It is only when women get this far down the
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: road and in this much trouble that mentoring women can
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: step in and say, quote, something has to change, and
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: those in crisis are willing to listen because they have
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: tried everything else. As lives were rebuilt, basic changes to
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: behavior are taught, albeit as an uphill battle because of
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the absence of cultural support. But most American women with money,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: degrees or connections will never hear that our culturally prescribed
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: feminist lifestyle is the source of their unhappiness, struggles, and
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: feeling of emptiness. It seems that we just allow women
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: to free fall into truly awful states without even so
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: much as a quickly spoken warnings of side effects required
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: for far cutical commercials. Imagine what that might sound like.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Side effects may include sexually transmitted diseases, debilitating depression, loneliness, despair,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: substance abuse, and suicide. The regnant belief is that human
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: nature is plastic enough that we can do whatever we
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: want consequence free, but so many devastated lives paint a
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: different picture. The progressive solution, which has been cycling around
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: for decades, has been to fix or shore up problems
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: with more governmental assistance and programs. Remember Julia, the imaginary
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: woman who never needed a man. This unintentionally dystopian portrait,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: thought up during the Obama administration, was meant to let
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: us know that government is here to supply every need
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: from birth to death without placing any kind of demands
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: on our behavior. Rarely is the suggestion made that women
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: have been sold a poisonous lifestyle and the behaviors implied
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: and that lifestyle are are what it actually need. To
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: be changed. Instead, we have a steady diet of articles
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: such as anal sex safety how, twos tips and more,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: or how Summer camp gave me the freedom to explore
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: my queerness at teen Vogue, which is marketed as the
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: young Person's Guide to Saving the World. College freshmen now
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: being oriented to their new life away from home as
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: the school year begins, are particularly targeted in their new
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: savage world where anything goes as long as they're consent
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: and maybe a mask. Heavy doses of gender exploration is safe.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Sex practices and heaps of contraceptives are all part of
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: the welcome at most U S college campuses. But what
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: if there's another way of living, one that doesn't lead
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: to the predictable road of confusion and despair. Efforts or
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: individuals that shed light on the things that actually help
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: women are met with leftist crist and victimization, or by
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: bullying or blaming the patriarchy. Hardly the recent based argumentation
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: radical fimintism was supposed to provide, what then, should we
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: be conveyed to women of every economic and ethic stripe
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: to help us having fulfilling lives. Their basics such as
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: don't sleep around don't do drugs, don't have abortions, stop blaming,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: moving the patriarchy, find a purpose outside of yourself, cover
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: up some of that skin, don't overspend, and figure out
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: what is truly good and not just what celebrities say.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: None of these suggestions is revolutionary, especially if one looks
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: honestly at history, or human nature or psychology. These elements,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: which who are obvious throughout most of human history, are
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: the real remedy for so much that afflicts all of us.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: But there are things radical feminists don't want to be
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: spoken out loud. Over the last five decades, a carefully
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: constructed closed system has been created, so anything outside its
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: boundaries is almost unthinkable. Hollywood, universities, politics, the fashion industry, magazines,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: daytime television, and book publishing generate enough ideology. Tell Weaving
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: that to make sure that there's only one narrative in town,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: faith and family are about the only outliers that might
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: let the slip show. Isn't any under that these two
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: are under attack, but more satisfying ways to live, to
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: do exist, ways that where dignity is honored, health is
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: truly valued, body parts aren't ignored or rendered useless, and
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: relationships which are at the true heart of most women,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: aren't fleeting or shallow, useful or convenient, but deep, abiding
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: and life giving. If only we could find a way
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: to tell this to every woman. Wow, I think there
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: are a lot of interesting things going on in here.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: One of my main takeaways is that I think that
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: it's not necessarily the case that rates have gone up
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: and all of these things, but perhaps that they are
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: being more recorded or we're seeing them more, maybe they
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: have gone up, But I don't think like that is
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: you can't draw that parallel necessarily. UM. I also think
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: like and this is more of a philosophical question that
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I don't think we have time to get into, but
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I do think there is. It's hard to live in
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: a society when you do know you do see these injustices,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: or that you're valued, blessed, or that you know you
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: see like all these restrictions around your body and just
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: various levels where we mentioned this recently, like where you
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: don't have control and you don't have control over yourself,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: over your body. You're witnessing this, You're hearing conversations like
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: this that can be difficult and that can lead to
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: substance abuse. When you're dealing with it every day, or
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: like some unhealthy coping mechanism. We've talked about that with trauma.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: People have these unhealthy coping panis ms, including me, where
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: like basically, you've got to find a way to get
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: through the day. And I think feminism, I'm not saying
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: that's good at all, but I think we've become more
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: aware of these injustices and inequalities and inequities, and that
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: is hard to deal with. But it's not Feminism's false.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: It's more like we're becoming more aware of these things. Right.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing that I was going to say
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: about this article. I brought this article out because it
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: was one of the first things that popped up when
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I was like women in Happiness, and I found that
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: interesting because we know when when search engines have control.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: This this writer who doesn't like universities and education apparently,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: which by the way, is a thing I've heard through
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: my family that once we become educated, we become more sinful.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: But she is an actual scholar at the Institute of
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Human Ecology at the Catholic University of America, So there's
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: a lot to be said to that. Be absolutely so
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: this Pew report or that she tried to cite. We're
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: saying that women of liberal women under the age of
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: thirty have more health diagnosis. Mental health diagnosis goes to
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: another conservative blog that quotes and pulls things out talking
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: also about postpartum depression. Let's talk about the fact that
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: this data also talk leaves out a lot of the
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: conversation of the fact, yes, more women are actually being
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: diagnosed today than ever because they're actually seeking help. So
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: that's a whole different level of conversation. Let's also talk
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: about what she talked about medication being about happiness. We
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: are coming to a point that sure medication has gone up.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I have talked about it as well. In our system
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: that we're giving were I feel like we're giving our
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: children away too much because it's an overhaul. But that's
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: because we also are not funding or actually giving right
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: therapeutic options, which is very limited and often condemned by conservatives.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: This article, I'm not gonna I obviously I read it
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: in a way of a little bit biased. And people
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: we've already been raped over the coals who are like y'all,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: are y'all are biased? Yes we are. We are leftist
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: if that's what you want to call us. We believe
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: in the rights of women, we believe in the rights
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: of chance, we believe in the rights of queers. We
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: will leave in working against anti black people's and anybody
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: who was racist, as We're gonna come at you. That's
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: what we do. If you really thought Christen and Caroline
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: weren't about that life, y'all should go listen to their
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: stuff now and trying to reassess because they were. They
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: just were a lot politter than we are in the story.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: But all of this to say, this article definitely talks
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: and blames even the fact that she says to you
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: like we are rendering our body parts useless. I'm infuriated
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: that that line. I was ready to throw hands. I'm
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: not gonna lie because it's like, Wow, you have just
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: demeaned us to our universe and whether or not we
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: are of if we have not given birth. Yeah, yeah,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: find it very hilarious. That's very depressing, slash very on
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: point with a lot of our rhetoric that it's like,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: why aren't we telling women what's making them miserable? It's
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: being women and being loud of like, right, you should
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: go back to faith and family and stop trying to
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: get your equal rights because it's just depressing you. And
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: by the way, if you're wondering why I hesitated and
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: did a cough at the mention of a crisis pregnancy center,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: we do have an amazing, amazing episode which we talked
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: to a scholar who researched and went traveling to go
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: and find out about these crisis pregnacy centers and how
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: they are harmful to women's seeking treatment, which is also
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: why she doesn't say what they do. I found that
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: interesting in the article. Yes, also worth pointing out this
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: is pretty recent. We recently did her episode of the
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: pandemic health Effects, so also that's it play like everyone's
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: feeling a little more depress than you shore right now,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: unless you're a billionaire and you're making more money than ever.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: But I mean, she didn't even mention like, oh, you know,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: it's a worldwide pandemic, right And I find it interesting
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: that she absolutely only pointed out that's statistic because it
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: was only pointed out. I think like that was one
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: of the numbers for liberal white women under fifty. She
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: gave no cares about women of color. Mm hmm, Yeah,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: that was a very specific, very specific subset focused in
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: on And here's the thing. I know this may be
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: hating on the article because I hate the article, but
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: this is also the rhetoric that I heard growing up
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: as well. All of this is what was fed to me,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: and it's fed to a lot of women saying this
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: is why you shouldn't be feminist, This is why feminism
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: is a bad word. Yeah, that whole like angry feminists.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: This is that like you're not gonna be happy, You're
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: gonna be angry feminist. That's the thing. It's like, I
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: really hate that characterization. But again, going back to what
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I said earlier, it's kind of true because once you
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: were like, oh, injustice is everywhere, it's right to be mad, right. Also,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I do love that she also puts in a mask
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: as something of contention, and she's I'm pretty sure she's
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: talking about literal masks here, y'all um, if that doesn't
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: tell you something. But I think it's quite funny that
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: she says heavy doses of gender exploration and safe sex
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: practices and heaps of constraceptives are all part of the
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: welcome at most US college campuses, as if that's a
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: bad thing. Yeah, sex practices is a bad thing, absolutely shameful.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: But going back to what you said, is that that
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I also heard that. I mean, it's a running joke
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: with me and one of my my parents, not parents,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: one of my best friend's parents, very very conservative, and
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: it kind of joked with me all the time because
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: they know I'm liberal, and they'll be like, you went
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: after your your college and you get your liberal education,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: and now like it's a joke, but it's true. They
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: use this argument all the time, right, And that's kind
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: of like I joke about my niece who has come
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: to Atlanta and has grown into herself, and I purposely
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I'm sad that I did this because I missed out
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: on some things that I feel like I could have
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: helped her. But I purposely stayed away from her because
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I did not want to be that influence quote unquote.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: And yeah, she learned it for herself. I knew she
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: would as well as that she is very intelligent and empathetic,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: so she she could not ignore some of these issues
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: that we've talked about, and she she went home. And
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: that's one of the first things. Oh, you went to
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Atlanta and now you're this and she to give an
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: excuse us to why she wanted to remain in Atlanta
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: instead of going back to the small hometown, because that
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: means an absolute betrayal of you've turned away from us,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: right right, right, right, Yeah, I mean, but a lot
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: of negative stuff is managed. I guess you got to
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: give the author points as much as I don't want
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: to manage to like accomplish a lot because you're right,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: like the body parts is saying something about like who
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: is a woman and what constitute woman? Like all these
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: messages of we should go back to like traditional ninetifties housewife,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: it seems, and then you'll be happier because you're more
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: last year and this is the last fifty years so
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: ever since second Way Fi minism came in through came in,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: it's been awful, Like we just wanted to vote, that's
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: it stopped blaming the patriarchy. But yeah, I thought this
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: was interesting as one take on why we're unhappy. And
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: again this is more of a recent one. We know
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: that's a whole conversation, but we wanted to take a
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: look at another thing about maybe this does make us happy.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: And we've talked about this before, right, Adie yes we have.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: So this uh is an article from The Guardian from
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: twenty nineteen by She and Kine and I hope I'm
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: pronouncing the name correctly, but I remember when this came
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: out because it cost a lot of waves. But it
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: was about how single women might be like the happiest
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: group of people. All right, so here's some quotes. We
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: may have suspected it already, but now science backs it up.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: and they're more likely to live longer, and they are
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: more likely to live longer than they're married and child
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: rearing peers. According to a leading expert in happiness, it
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: sounds like a fun job. Speaking at the Hay Festival
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: on Saturday, Paul Dulan, professor of behavioral science at the
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: London School of Economics, said the latest evidence showed that
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: the traditional markers used to measure success did not correlate
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: with happiness, particularly marriage and raising children. We do have
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: some good longitudinal data following the same people over time,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: but I'm going to do a massive disservice to that
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: science and just say, if you're a man, you should
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: probably get married. If you're a woman, don't bother I do.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Remember this goes on. Men benefited from marriage because they
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: calmed down, he said, you take less risk, you earn
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: more money at work, and you live a little longer. She,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: on the other hand, has to put up with that
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: and die sooner than if she had never married. The
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: or had children, he said. Other studies have measured some
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: financial and health benefits and being married for both men
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: and women on average, which Dulan said could be attributed
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: to higher incomes and emotional support allowing married people to
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: take risk and seek medical help. However, Dolan said men
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: showed more health benefits from tying than not as they
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: took fear a risk. Women's health was mostly unaffected by marriage,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: with middle aged women even being at higher risk of
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: physical and mental conditions than their single counterparts. Despite the
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: benefits of a single, childless lifestyle for women, Dolan said
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: that he exist narrative that marriage and children were signs
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: a success meant that the stigma could lead some single
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: women to feel unhappy. You see a single woman of
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: forty who has never had children, blessed, that's a shame,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: isn't it. Maybe one day you'll meet the right guy
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: and that will change. No, maybe she'll meet the wrong
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: guy and that'll change. Maybe she'll meet a guy who
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: makes her less happy and healthy and die sooner. So
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: it's vastly different than the article. And yes, of course
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: we've talked about this previously. Again, this does not mean
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: that that is the way to happiness for everyone. My mother,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I think, truly is one of the happiest women, being
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: a mother, loving her husband, being the support for her husband,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: and literally being told that as a Christian woman, she's
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: the backbone of the of the home, and she is,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: and she loves that. She loves that aspect of her life.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: So I would never want to take that away from her.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: And and the fact that even if we don't agree
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: on anything else, I know she has been happy. I
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: know she feels like she's missed out on some things,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean she's not happy. So go ahead,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: and but I have got in there. But I do
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: love this conversation because we talked about it because this
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: was pre pandemic about how much worse it got after
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: the fact for the women who did not have supportive husbands.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: And or supportive partners um and why that was so
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: detrimental Again, while we've gotten another giant gap about women
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: raising up in jobs, most likely leaving the jobs altogether,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: the higher number of resignations, all of those things because
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: of the pandemic, and who the househole life fell upon, which,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: by the way, we're going to talk a little more
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: in part two. Yeah, and I it's an interesting contradiction
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: to our juxtaposition, maybe both to the last article we read,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: because the last article was essentially saying you're unhappy because
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: you're single, you don't have family, you don't have faith,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: and this one's like, actually, for women, it seems that
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: they're happier without those things. And again, yeah, we're not
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: saying that those are bad having a marriage or having
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: children and that people can't be happy with it. But
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I think it goes back to a conversation we have
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: a lot that would kind of just have with that
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: other article. There are just these inequalities that are baked
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: into our society and it's how we're raised. And so yeah,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: like I've literally had fears and relationships because I knew
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I would become I would do the extra work, I
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: would pick up that slack and then that resentment would
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: grow and it would be kind of just me being
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: raised that way and the dude in this hetero normative
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: sense being raised that way but knowing like it felt inevitable.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: And we talk about communication all the time, and I
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: do think it's important, but there's some things that are
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: just hard to communicate because you've been raised differently, right,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: And I do I like the point of you know,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: because we've also talked about that sort of societal judgment
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: of like because look how sad she is and that
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: can impact um, how you view yourself. But I feel
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: like that is also changing. It's becoming more maybe not normalized,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: but we see it more often. We talked about it
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: more often of like, yeah, women are single and they're
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: doing all right, they're doing the thing. Uh yeah, And
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I do I like that point that because we like
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: to paint these relationships and kind of the like nuclear
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: family situation in such a golden like this is your success,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: this is the goal light. But yeah, you could meet
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: their dude, couldn't make you more miserable. And that was
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: the other part to me, was like if I don't
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: like them, so is it worth the compromise, then great.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: If not, like, that's that converse nation. As in fact,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I had this conversation over this weekend when I was
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: explaining that I was trying to buy a house and
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, yeah, buying it together. I was like, no,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: it's my house. Like I have very adamant like we
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: are separate. We're together, but we're separate, and I like that.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: For the longest time, I thought I needed a relationship,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: but then after I got financially stable enough to take
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: care of myself, as in like I don't need a roommate,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: and like, then what's the point And there's nothing in
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: me that really wants to be married. As much as
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I love my partner, I'm good. I like where we're at.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's the other part of this conversation is, yes,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: this is a big generalization. He admits it at the top.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: It's just going to be a big generalization. People were
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: pissed in this conversation, except for the single women. They're like, hell, yeah,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: that's right, let him know. But and it is. It's
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: a big generalization. We have to come back. Conversation. But
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: if you want to be a single mother, then that's
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: fine too. Like the fact that that's the joy that
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: brings you, that's the delight that we see um. But
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: her worth, even though you may love being a mother,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: should not be based on just being a mother. Unless
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: that's the way they want to center it, then great,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: you do you, but you can't force that on others either, right,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: And I think just to mention because we don't have
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: time to get into it right now, But I do
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: think another piece of this is we don't provide support
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: to mothers, and we also, as you said, as we've
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: seen through the pandemic, we expect them to give up
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: their financial livelihood and their jobs first or do it
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: all at once, which means do you get no sleep
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: and your health suffers and all the stuff. So I
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: think like, if maybe if we lived in a society
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: that valued women and women's work and raising children, whether
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: it's anybody whoever is raising children, it's work. If we
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: valued that, maybe these numbers in this narrative would be different.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: But I it totally makes sense to me that a
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: pandemic hits, you're getting no support, you have no money,
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: you have to take care of the kids, like of
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: course you're that's gonna affect your happy, right, um, And
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: just to go back because you just reminded me from
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: that first article where she talks about women expecting help
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: from birth to to death, that this whole idea that
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: liberal depends on government and telling government like, oh, you
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: you really generalize that one. You're saying that we're not
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: up worth unless we have children put our bodies to use,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: but at the same time that we are not worth
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: giving assistance to our helping. That's interesting. That's interesting that
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: you give no solutions but tell us how to find
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: a way of being a value to society, right, Yeah,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: And that's that also that whole the perfect mother and
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: that kind of Disney disneyfication of as a mother, you
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: can never feel depression or sadness or be tired like
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: because you're a mother and it's the best thing ever, right,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: which again can be very lovely, can be great, but
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: can be very hard. It is very hard. And they
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: think at their flowers and they shouldn't get assistance, and
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: they should get help at the very least for the
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: rest of their lives. Their bodies should be cared for
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: by the government, because you're saying that's what our bodies
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: are worth. So, which is it. Yeah, yeah, anyway, Okay, y'all,
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: that's a lot. I know. But we have a part two,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: damn it. We do. We do, we do have a
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: part two. But in the meantime, again, if you have
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: any happy things for us to talk about, clearly we
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: need that we would love to hear, then you can
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: email us a step video, mom Stuff and I Hurt
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: me dot com. You can find us on Instagram and
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Stuff I Never Told You are on Twitter at mom Stuff,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: podcast things. It's always to our super producer Christina, thank
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: you well, thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: told the protection I Heard Radio for more podcasts from
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I Heard Radio? Is that you hurt Radio? App, Apple
• 30:45
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