Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep83: Nick’s battery dies after a night of G-rated passion; Evelyn’s ex suspects foul play.

Transcript

Ep83: Nick’s battery dies after a night of G-rated passion; Evelyn’s ex suspects foul play. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's Reverse Jackass.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: Folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass Podcast, the podcast to bring peace between Canada and the United States in these contentious times.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Nick with me as always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn, say hello to these people.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Glad to be here with you all.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, to these contentious times.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And our hope is that the next 20 minutes are a little less contentious than whatever the rest of your day has been.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm rooting for that too.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Do I love our odds?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: I do not love our odds.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: No, but I'm rooting for it.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is pure uphill work we're doing right here.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Pure uphill work.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a nick day today, Evelyn.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know, which means you know what?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've got my feet up.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have a pina collada.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've got my sun umbrella on.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just here to relax and take it all in.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn's gonna rest on her laurels today and let me do the heavy lifting.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and I'm happy to do it.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Once a year isn't too much to ask of you.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So this is thank you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, on this one day.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna say the date, and then you can cover it up with whatever date we actually release this.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: October 15th is the day.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is the one.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to tell a story today, Evelyn, about the theater.
• 1:14
  unknown: Oh.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: And the lengths to which one one young woman will go in order to preserve the integrity of a production.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, pinky's up, everyone.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Pinky's up.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: But to tell the story, I have to go back, I have to go back, you know, all the way back into the 90s into Virginia, and I have to go back even further into the story than the production itself.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I have to tell you about my relationship with my very first serious girlfriend when I was in high school.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um and she was and remains a wonderful person.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: She actually, I don't ever see her anymore, but she lives like, I don't know, five miles away from me in Burbank.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: She's married, she has kids now, she's a wonderful, wonderful human being.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: And for a couple of years in the 90s, we were just the the two most in love people on the planet.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, hold up.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: You this was in Virginia, and now she lives five miles from you?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it turns out Virginia is one of those places that people either never leave or they leave the moment they graduate college and then they never come back.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: No kidding.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: So she and I might be the latter.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: She was out here, she was one of the first people that came out and said hello to me when I moved out to LA because she'd already been there for about two years at that point.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So okay, sorry.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't realize that's just really a cool little coincidence.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: It is, it is, it is, it isn't, it isn't, Evelyn.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, fair.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're right.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's not not totally uh a coincidence, as I'm sure you've seen.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: So uh so we are in this relationship.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, we live an hour away from one another.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: I live in Richmond, which is in the center of the state.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: She lives in Fredericksburg, which is an hour north where I would ultimately go to college, and she would not.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and she came from a military family.
• 2:45
  unknown: Okay.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Her father, who was a totally lovely guy to me, was a very high-ranking Marine, um, which means that he was at least internally a very tough guy, even if he was very nice and gentle to me.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, he was a tough guy who had been through and seen some shit.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: And my girlfriend's brother was in the Secret Service and had guarded Madeleine Albright um abroad.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so these were both strong, tough guys who knew their way around a firearm.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Her brother at one point said to me, Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, as he like took apart a pistol that was visibly making me shake at their table.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so the time came for her brother to get married.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: And because her brother was in the military and because her dad was in the military, he had a big, beautiful wedding in an official Navy, like, I don't know, banquet hall or center somewhere in Annapolis, Maryland, which was another hour or two north of there, right?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I kind of can't emphasize how big of a deal this was.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is a big deal to have the wedding in this place.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, a lot of important military folks were there.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: It was so important.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: And this kind of like, I thought they were overreacting, but my girlfriend's dad forgot one single pin that belonged on his military uniform and had to send somebody back to Virginia to get it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: And because if he didn't have his complete uniform, it was gonna be a major violation, a major military violation, and on his son's wedding day it would be a disaster.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: So, like it was one of those things where everything had to be perfect, right?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: So the plan was we're gonna go to this, we're gonna go to this wedding, we're gonna stay over in the hotel the night afterwards, and then the next day, I'm gonna drive my girlfriend back to Virginia to Fredericksburg, where she can go be the stage manager in her theatrical production that she was running at the time.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: She was a very dedicated stage manager.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: And coincidentally, the last stage manager in my life that I would really like because it turns out they're really hard to be around all the time.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, perfect.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, so we go to this wedding, it's awesome, and then we get done and we go into the hotel room.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: And this is kind of a side note, but it's funny to me now as an old person that what took place then in that hotel room was both the steemiest moment of my life to that point, and also absolutely something that could have taken place in the lobby of said hotel without without much fanfare.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: It was like it was like the kind of shit they get away with in a in a Disney movie, except she was awake.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And was she laying on a slab of concrete in the forest?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like she was she was not uh, but let's just say the dwarves didn't even lift an eyebrow.
• 5:15
  unknown: Oh gosh.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: It was it was so PG-rated.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to emphasize this that like this is at a time in my life.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think she was technically 18.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think I was 17.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: This is at a time in my life when it was such a big deal, such a big deal just to even be alone with somebody.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, you know, you have more hormones than you could ever imagine.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: We can't, your body's a circus, and so, and of course, because it you know, it's because you're 17, it's that relationship that's gonna last forever.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're just gonna be in love with this person for the rest of your life.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how lucky are you to have found the woman of your dreams when you're 17 years old and you can spend the rest of your life with her?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's also an emerald story.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're gonna be one of those stories.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I interrupted you here.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: No, please tell me the story I'm gonna be.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be one of those stories that you're high school sweethearts and you know, you're gonna have this beautiful life together filled with um all sorts of beautiful moments and traumas that you'll overcome together, and then you'll be that couple that they feature on the news where you're in two different floors in the old age home, and you one of you's been ill, so you haven't seen each other for a long time, and they wheel one of you into the room of the other, and you both start crying, and and you just you hold hands, and you're both just two wrinkly old, bone-filled sacks of human right now, and and you're just crying because you've missed each other for four days because you've never been apart a day in your life.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: When you describe that, it sounds like it'd have a lot of reasons to cry.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm crying almost thinking about it.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's uh just a really awful story that you just told there.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm glad we end up, I'm glad we end up barely, barely biologically viable um living in two different floors of a human repository.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um human depository.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Depository.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's yeah, yeah.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, I'm just I think when you were telling the story, we just all got a glimpse into your future and that was it.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, because I I'm happy to say that my future is I met Amber and it's great.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: And my high school girlfriend met her husband, who's like totally nice and actually like super duper handsome.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess she's able to date all types of dudes.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Every kids and they have kids and it's great.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: So every everyone wins.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone wins.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: Win, win, win, win, win.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: So uh okay, so so the wedding goes off great.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: All of those super, super button-up military people are pleased.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: My girlfriend's brother gets married.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: The parents have, I'm sure that was a pressure for them.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: They feel better, everything's great.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: We spend the night, you know, doing insanely G-rated plus things, and then the next morning comes up and we get dressed and we go to the long-term parking garage where I have parked my car.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: You can barely walk after all that closed mouth kissing.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: So true, so true.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: All this is to say that like the next morning we wake up, we go to long-term parking to get my car where I have parked it so I can drive her back to Fredericksburg for her theater obligation.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, I have left the fucking lights on in my car, and my car battery has drained overnight.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so I have no battery, it's deader than dead.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: And my girlfriend, who is pretty easygoing, starts to panic.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it is unpleasant, and she's really mad.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, it's the 90s, so it's not like we can whip out our cell phones.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: We have to go find a fucking payphone.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then we have to call USAA, which was my roadside assistants, people, and they're lovely and they're helpful, but also it's gonna be like maybe two, two and a half hours before they can get somebody out here to jump my battery, and that is not in our travel plans, and my girlfriend is furious, and so we sat in my car for over an hour with her being furious and silent, and I also should say about her that she's really talkative.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: She loved to chat, and so the silence in the in the car was deafening and only punctuated by the occasional very angry thing that she would say.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I felt so so bad.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: So finally, after like, I don't know, an hour, hour and a half, a long fucking time, and this is long-term parking, so people aren't coming or going.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: As it happens, the couple that is parked in the car next to us shows up.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Hey, so sorry to bother you.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know we're strangers.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm parked in this car and our battery is dead.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have jumper cables?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: And the guy goes, No, I'm sorry.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then goes, Oh, wait, actually, maybe I do.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: Let me take a look at my trunk.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: And he opens his trunk and he has jumper cables, and we're like, fucking A, this is awesome.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna go.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: We open both hoods of the cars, and as it happens, my car battery is on the exact opposite side of the car as his car battery.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: And he holds up those short little jumper cables and goes, Oh god, I don't think these are long enough.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, great.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, You gotta be fucking kidding me.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so we try, and the four of us working together managed to hold these line tout enough to get it from one battery to the other.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean it's like clothes line tout.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: And we get it, and we started my car, and my car was okay, and I drove my my girlfriend down to the angry girlfriend.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: A little late, my furious girlfriend.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: She was a little, a little late.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it all worked out.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: And fortunately, that high school's program of whatever stupid high school play they were able to do was able to go on.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't ruin the entire program, everything was fine.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: And and now, as an adult, I've been in my 40s, I think high school students miss play practice to mow the lawn.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: High school students miss play practice all the time for all kinds of reasons.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: There was no reason for us to believe that this was the end of the world.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: No none, right?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: And you've run high school productions, so I know you know this.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I assume you're imagining that half of the kids could like just disappear at any time.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you plan for it.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: You plan for it.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: So, my question for you is with the benefit of hindsight being 2020, what is the biggest, the biggest overreaction you've ever seen?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: What is the biggest deal made out of the littlest bullshit that you've ever seen in your life?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is such a great question.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And also, here's a thought I had about the cars, the batteries being on the opposite side.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Their battery wasn't dead.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: So why didn't they pull out and just you guys position yourself so it was closer?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Great question, and I can answer it.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: We were I was parked in a corner spot um with the nose of my car in towards and was the nose of my car on two sides, the driver's side and the front side was cement.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I had no power in my car and was not able to move it.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's an excellent reason.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was picturing that so for some reason I had picture I was picturing your car backed in and they were backed in on the car.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: What do I look like?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't back into spaces.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: You don't not even now?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, why would I do that?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Why would the answer was don't leave your fucking headlights on when you okay?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, of course.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm gonna come at you for something, it's to not leave your headlights on.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: That was the real mistake.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: That was the leaving the gas pump in the car and pulling away fixable mistake.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that you're right.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about your parking skills, which we will absolutely be talking about later.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um how dare you back in?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, man.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the greatest overreaction I have ever seen.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I can think of a few.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: What do we want here?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do we want I'm gonna give you a few examples and you tell me what you're what you're feeling like today, okay?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want a story about a wedding gift I got?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want a story about that ex-boyfriend overreacting?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh God, I didn't think I was gonna want anything more than a wedding gift.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what else?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, or do you want a story about ooh, I have a good underreactive story, but maybe that's maybe that's for Evelyn Day.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's for I'm thinking, maybe I save that one for for my day.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, what do you want?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: Wedding guests or oh, I want you to save both of them.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to tell me the shitty ex-boyfriend story today, and then I want you to save the wedding present story for another time, too, because that also sounds like it could be a great story.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that this does require a little bit of context.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: This ex we know is a recurring character, unpaid intern on this podcast at this point.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but uh okay, so I want to caveat the story by saying I think there's a reason this would require a large reaction.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the occurrence in this story.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I think because of who it is about, it just makes a lot of sense that the reaction, it was an insane overreaction.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So the situation itself, I can see really getting someone's getting really crusty.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we'll we'll let you decide.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it'll be like a you tell me, and then we'll get the listeners to tell me too.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I was living with this person at this point in time, and this person had a vehicle.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think I must have, I think I did as well.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the kind of parking lot at this apartment where the parking was outside the front.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it was all uncovered, it was all outside.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was a pain in the butt in Canadian winter.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: As we know, you're shoveling your car out.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and chances are the parking lot was plowed, but that just meant a huge barrier of snow in front of your car, right?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's so uh outside parking was kind of a pain in the bum.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: This particular apartment building was having a lot of construction done.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was in an area where there were a lot of other buildings being built around it at the time.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's important to keep in mind.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: So one Sunday, my parents came into town and they wanted to go to church with me.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to church by myself at this point, and then they just wanted to come pick me up.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: We go for church and then we go out for lunch, come home.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: He did not come with me, totally fine.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: That was not his jam, but I went, and when we left, everything's fine.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: We had church.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, I'm sorry, I'm gonna pause you for a second here.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a religious person, as you know, but but church was not his jam.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this dude is the most church is not my jam type of dude I've ever heard of in my life.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: So we went to church, we went out for lunch, we came back, and as we're driving in the parking lot, uh, we noticed his car, and the windshield was smashed in.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh and or and it was me.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And uh maybe it wasn't smashed in, but it was like there was something had obviously hit it and it was completely cracked, right?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like undrivable at this point.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: No other cars around it were harmed.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just, and I remember seeing it and going, Oh no.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I remember thinking, I'm not gonna be walking into something good if he has seen this, right?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is gonna be really bad.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what were you anticipating?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Rage.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and rage.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and his car, big cars guy, car was his prime joy.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I knew that this was bad.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: This was really bad.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: But remember, I didn't know at this point if he had seen it.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And what it appeared to me and my parents upon assessment was that something from the construction area nearby, whether it was a crane lifting something where it was something, something had fallen.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Karma or destiny, or just look, I'm gonna let you say that.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna say that.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: Look, who knows when, when or whether God is watching out over all of us.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it was something, a rock, a stone, a piece of equipment, something large that had obviously hit his car and that had done it.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or another one of his ex-girlfriends, and maybe he had angered.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but it was it looked I always attributed it to the construction equipment.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, we get up inside.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: My parents came with me, because I remember asking them to.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: They came with me and we opened the door, and he was right ready to rage out.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like the he knew I was coming home, right ready to rage out.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then he kind of just stopped when he saw my parents behind me.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like there was a bit of a backing down.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I was really thankful my parents were there.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um but he was losing his mind.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And my parents were so great in that moment because they were like, you know what, we're gonna take you to the to the windshield repair place.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just go, like, let's call a tow truck.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: We will take you.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: So one of them drove him there, or no, they both drove him there.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: They his car was towed.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I stayed at the apartment, and then they dealt with the whole thing.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, just diffuse.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they were really protected you.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: They they were in that moment.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: That that was like a the we this could be really we need to put the fire blanket over what's about to happen right now.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then so they did.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so then it was fine.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: But the the overreaction, I think, comes from the fact that his first thought was that I did that.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he didn't think it was construction equipment, he thought it was me or another friend of ours that he and I had in common.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: He was pretty convinced it was one or the other of us.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so that to me is where the overreaction came from.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: He was not angry that something happened to his car.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's face it, that would anyone would be crusty about that.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh crap, my windshield's busted, and then the rigumer roll that you have to deal with it.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: But the fact that he was convinced that I did it or that our friend did it.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's fucking weird.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you think that?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't know.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, your guess is as good as mine, probably because we fought and you have not but you don't do shit like that.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: You, Evelyn, do not do shit like that.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's heavy.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: And his thought was this must have been my girlfriend or our friend.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: But remember, what it's like to walk around thinking all the time that the people that are closest to you might destroy your windshield.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that must be just so heavy to carry that all the time.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like all the time.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: I know I'm I don't say this from places of empathy.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's crazy.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's a crazy thing that a crazy person thinks.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's a crazy person thinks.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we weren't dating at this time.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like this was in that weird gray area where we weren't dating, we but we were living together, but we talked about getting married all the time.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was in that weird gray area.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so we weren't, and he was dating other people.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I wonder if there was that sense.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: This guy's so bad.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's just so weird.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, so for me, the overreaction comes from what he thought caused that thing.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not so much that it happened, because like I said, this is before I told the story, this is a thing that people would have a big reaction to.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: But to think, oh, someone I know did this, yeah, that to me is it was like, I wouldn't even know the first thing about cracking a windshield.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is a sledgehammer the only way I can crack a windshield in my mind?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you do.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's other ways.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And also, also, why would I do that with someone I'm living with who I know has a temper?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: But that's the point, is that is that it doesn't make any sense.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: The the notion is anyone who knows you knows you didn't do that.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's a that's why it's not even like a why would I?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: You would never know.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like you just would never.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: You are far too kind, and frankly, you're resourceful enough to be able to get revenge in ways that are less insane than that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: And the fact that his other thought was it was it was our friend.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's yeah, this guy's not totally all alright.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of a lot of overreactions, maybe that this individual might have had, but that to me always stuck out with me.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Really thankful my parents were there.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Really thankful.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: I I think it would be the troll of the century if we went and did it now.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then I wonder who he would blame it on.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: My favorite part is that you said, we.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: I love a good partner in crime.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'll do it.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: I just need directions.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: My Canadian geography is not great.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: I can I can name most of the provinces.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're great, especially the square ones.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: The square ones.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're really good.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: I learned those right away because I think those would be the hardest.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it turns out the little ones on the east are the hardest.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the hardest.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Even when you're learning those in elementary school, that's the hardest.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: The hardest thing about labeling Canadian provinces, though, and and I'm gonna say the most relatable thing that any Canadian will ever hear on this podcast, is labeling the province of Saskatchewan.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is exactly this wide, and I imagine Canadians can tell how far apart I'm holding my fingers, and you have the the longest province name that you have to so the amount of errors, no, not allowed, has to be all horizontal with the with a ruler underneath.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to you're inevitably you get to Saskatchewan and you have to erase, and then you gotta do it again.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's the that's the main problem.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this is my overreaction to something that doesn't need to be overreacted about, but the little one, you know.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: You say that's the main problem, which is funny, a funny pun, because on US maps, there's more than enough room to write Maine on Maine, but try to write Massachusetts on Massachusetts and then spell it right or Connecticut on Connecticut, for God's sakes.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like good luck.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, good luck.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just never happening.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's never happening.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is low-hanging fruit because you know Ontario.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I can give you directions here.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think if anything, I'd be really, I'm giving you the green light um to go ahead and go for this.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I'd be really bothered if we just didn't meet up for coffee or something.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just No, no, no.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: I obviously I'll see you and Jay while I'm there.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's oh, thank you.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's a given.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: Unless I think it would incriminate you, in which case then it might have to happen separately.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'd be like, why would I have gone out to break a windshield in Canada on September 16th?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: I had another trip to to Canada on the and I flew out on the 23rd.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why would I yeah, why would I take two trips to Canada in a row?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's not true.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: If something happens to his car on the 16th, I'm absolutely going to erase.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll wait till after the 16th to put this podcast out.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: Just to make sure after he calls you and goes, Did you did you destroy my fucking windshield?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: And you're gonna go, Oh, no.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, and I certainly didn't buy a plane ticket and give directions and pay for a nice hotel overnight and treat to a lobster dinner for someone who would have.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Who who would do something like that?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, definitely, definitely not.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, okay, so that's our overreaction slash rage podcast, slash uh, you know, uh teachers torturing little kids with spelling problems.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Whoa, I was like, calm yourself.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're right.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's Saskatchewan.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_02: Long province and state names, right?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Saskatchewan.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's a problem.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that draws us to a close for the Reverse Jackass podcast.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's been such a delight having you all here.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: Evelyn, thank you for sharing from your wealth of stories and Canadian wisdom.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are wealthy.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Dear listeners.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Nick, for um sharing stories about uh let me think where I want to go with this.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Nick, for sharing stories that don't always make you look like the hero in the end.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: You're all welcome.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: There it is.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Some neighbors are besties.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Stuck together through geography.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: One of us has nukes, and the other has two's it's American Canadian diplomacy.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's revolution.