Latest / I Do, Part 2 / “Meeting Twice in Person and She’s Thinking of Marrying Him?”

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“Meeting Twice in Person and She’s Thinking of Marrying Him?” · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks did is Wednesday, September seventeenth, and Anna
0:07
Speaker 1: wrote into us and she needed some relationship advice. We
0:10
Speaker 1: gave her hours, and then you gave her yours. And
0:18
Speaker 1: apparently there's no middle ground on this one. Welcome to
0:20
Speaker 1: this ask Amy and TJ edition of Amy and TJ
0:25
Speaker 1: robes this one. It sounds like we get arranged usually
0:29
Speaker 1: when people write into our Yahoo advice column, but this
0:32
Speaker 1: is one at least when from what you described, people
0:34
Speaker 1: were either absolutely hell yeah, go for it. I had
0:38
Speaker 1: a good story, or hell, know what's wrong with you?
0:40
Speaker 2: Right? So the hell yeah people were those who had
0:43
Speaker 2: similar experiences or quick love like quick dating or engagement
0:51
Speaker 2: periods and got married within months and had successful relationships.
0:56
Speaker 2: Some of them were long distance, some of them were not,
0:57
Speaker 2: but just the duration was an issue, fact that they've
1:00
Speaker 2: only known each other for eight months and have only
1:02
Speaker 2: spent three weeks together. So people went on that angle,
1:05
Speaker 2: and then other people talked about the massive long distance
1:08
Speaker 2: that she's facing because yes, she lives in Oregon and
1:12
Speaker 2: he lives in France, so this is Anna. And then
1:15
Speaker 2: there were those who just said she was flat out crazy.
1:18
Speaker 2: I actually think our advice was middle of the road.
1:21
Speaker 2: I think we said it is going to be very
1:25
Speaker 2: difficult and you have a lot of obstacles to overcome,
1:28
Speaker 2: but we would never tell you to not pursue someone
1:31
Speaker 2: who you think is the love of your life.
1:33
Speaker 1: And again we're talking about a young lady who wrote
1:35
Speaker 1: into our latest Yahoo column that you can find on
1:38
Speaker 1: Yahoo dot com in the life section, which she wrote
1:40
Speaker 1: into us dealing with what folks A lot of folks
1:44
Speaker 1: deal with robes a long distance relationship and long distance
1:48
Speaker 1: from for some people can be from Manhattan to Trenton,
1:54
Speaker 1: but for some people it's New York to LA For
1:56
Speaker 1: some people it's Memphis and Chicago. For some people it's
1:59
Speaker 1: a greater This woman is trying to do Orgon in
2:01
Speaker 1: France with a man she did not have an established
2:06
Speaker 1: relationship with. That's always the thing I harp on. Look,
2:09
Speaker 1: if you're a solid you all a solid friendship, and
2:11
Speaker 1: your relationship is solid, then deal with the challenge of distance.
2:17
Speaker 1: It can work the other way too. I guess you
2:19
Speaker 1: could start off with a long distance, but Oregon to
2:21
Speaker 1: France is a tough one.
2:22
Speaker 2: It's yes, logistically, it's it's overwhelming.
2:26
Speaker 1: You haven't even looked that up by the away as
2:29
Speaker 1: you're doing. How long does it take to get well?
2:31
Speaker 2: You do that? I'm going to read just for people
2:33
Speaker 2: who need a refresher, or if you haven't seen the column,
2:36
Speaker 2: I'll read Anna's initial question to us Amy and TJ.
2:41
Speaker 2: I am a twenty five year old woman and have
2:43
Speaker 2: been dating the love of my life for eight months.
2:46
Speaker 2: But there's one problem. He lives in France and I
2:49
Speaker 2: live in Oregon. We've only met in person twice. That's
2:54
Speaker 2: a big problem.
2:54
Speaker 1: How many months to get eight? Okay? Sorry?
2:57
Speaker 2: Once on a two week road trip here in the US,
3:00
Speaker 2: once when I visited him, and I don't speak French,
3:04
Speaker 2: so I can't communicate with his parents. But I'm convinced
3:08
Speaker 2: he's the one. He's willing to move to the US,
3:11
Speaker 2: but getting a job on a sponsored visa is almost
3:13
Speaker 2: impossible these days. Should I apply for the fiance visa?
3:18
Speaker 2: Do I marry him so he can move here? And
3:20
Speaker 2: hope for the best? Anna, Okay, I.
3:23
Speaker 1: Know a lot of people your ears perked up when
3:26
Speaker 1: somebody says hope for the best on something like this,
3:28
Speaker 1: But isn't that what we're all doing every single day
3:30
Speaker 1: in major decisions we're making you do the best you
3:33
Speaker 1: can with the information you have.
3:35
Speaker 2: Yes, I think I was definitely struck by that last
3:37
Speaker 2: phrase because I feel it. Wow, that doesn't seem that confident.
3:40
Speaker 2: Hope for the best. Look, you even give me crap
3:44
Speaker 2: When I say I'll try to do that. You say no,
3:46
Speaker 2: you don't try to do something. Either you do it
3:48
Speaker 2: or you don't. So it's kind of funny when someone
3:51
Speaker 2: says I hope for the best. Maybe I've started to
3:54
Speaker 2: come to your way of thinking. No, either you're going
3:58
Speaker 2: to make it work and make it happen or you don't.
4:02
Speaker 2: But don't just hope and leave it up to fate
4:04
Speaker 2: and leave it up to chance. I do think when
4:07
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship, I'll harken back to my mom
4:10
Speaker 2: and how unromantic this all sounded to me. But when
4:12
Speaker 2: she told me, love is a decision, and I get
4:15
Speaker 2: it when you have that real foundation of love and respect,
4:20
Speaker 2: and when you have those two things, I do believe
4:23
Speaker 2: that you can choose to make it work. You can
4:26
Speaker 2: choose to get through the tough times, whether it's distance
4:29
Speaker 2: or a disagreement or whatever, if you choose to keep
4:34
Speaker 2: loving someone no matter what. And I do think that
4:40
Speaker 2: that is the right way to think about a relationship
4:44
Speaker 2: when you're with the right person.
4:45
Speaker 1: But again our issue you give advice there. I don't
4:50
Speaker 1: think we would be this measure, this call if our
4:52
Speaker 1: children came to us with this scenario, are that they
4:57
Speaker 1: wanted to bring some guy from so they've known for
5:00
Speaker 1: eight months, seen him for two weeks, and I'm going
5:03
Speaker 1: to be financially responsible for him. For him now, I
5:07
Speaker 1: would argue, there's so many twenty five year olds in
5:09
Speaker 1: this country who are not financially stable and who are
5:11
Speaker 1: dependent on their payers. Most are not already, So how
5:14
Speaker 1: is she going to do all these things? It's just
5:16
Speaker 1: a big hill to climb. I just didn't want to
5:18
Speaker 1: be dismissive of what she's actually experiencing, what she's actually feeling,
5:24
Speaker 1: because it is powerful and it is real and it
5:27
Speaker 1: is wonderful, But it has to come with what's the line,
5:30
Speaker 1: you tell him to stop watching.
5:33
Speaker 2: Stop watching rom coms, and start watching ninety Day Fiance.
5:36
Speaker 1: Okay, So the difference is fantasy versus reality. And so
5:41
Speaker 1: the fantasy part is the love and that can be real,
5:44
Speaker 1: and my butterflies and my mother flutter and all these things.
5:47
Speaker 1: But then there is the reality, and as long as
5:51
Speaker 1: she's keeping up with the reality, which means this is
5:52
Speaker 1: going to be hard, it can be hell, and you
5:55
Speaker 1: better damn sure make sure he is worth fighting for.
6:00
Speaker 2: When it's tough, because it's easy to feel that way
6:03
Speaker 2: when everything's great and rosy and everybody's sweet and says
6:07
Speaker 2: all the right things and you miss them so much.
6:10
Speaker 2: Like I get that, we all get that, but I
6:13
Speaker 2: do think that as long as to your point, she
6:16
Speaker 2: really decides to get through hard times because the love
6:22
Speaker 2: is worth writing for it. That's why the Whope thing
6:24
Speaker 2: threw me a little bit, because I get it, Like,
6:26
Speaker 2: look when I was twenty five once I understand, you
6:30
Speaker 2: know you you don't know until you know, you don't
6:33
Speaker 2: know what you don't know. So she's got a lot
6:35
Speaker 2: of learning to do, a lot of living to do,
6:37
Speaker 2: and maybe she can do it with him and through this,
6:40
Speaker 2: and you only do learn through experiences. So sage, we
6:43
Speaker 2: don't know his age, and we don't know how her
6:45
Speaker 2: family feels about it. She didn't mention any of that,
6:48
Speaker 2: but your comments, the readers who left comments were actually
6:53
Speaker 2: they're always so fun to read. And actually we had
6:57
Speaker 2: a lot of women weigh in although some of them
6:59
Speaker 2: I can't tell if their manner women. So we were
7:00
Speaker 2: kind of we've always had fun with the men seeming
7:03
Speaker 2: to weigh in more than the women. But I can't
7:05
Speaker 2: tell in some of these names if what gender were
7:07
Speaker 2: dealing with.
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Speaker 1: So you seem to say in particular, because I always
7:10
Speaker 1: ask right before we record folks, I don't look at
7:13
Speaker 1: the comments. She collects them and then I just reacting
7:15
Speaker 1: to them in real time. But I always ask, what's
7:18
Speaker 1: the theme? That you have more men than women? It
7:20
Speaker 1: sounded to me at least, and you're how you answered
7:23
Speaker 1: the theme this time around. It seemed to be more
7:27
Speaker 1: meanness or something in a lot of the comment or
7:29
Speaker 1: not including those, but you said people were awfully nasty.
7:32
Speaker 2: Well, either they were flippant and kind of even arrogant
7:36
Speaker 2: about it, talking about why would you go somewhere other
7:39
Speaker 2: than the United States. It's ridiculous, like there aren't enough
7:43
Speaker 2: men here, there aren't enough potential partners in this country
7:46
Speaker 2: that you have to go to another country, that kind
7:49
Speaker 2: of thing. But really, people were either in one camp
7:51
Speaker 2: or the other. There was not a lot of middle ground.
7:53
Speaker 1: I gotta hear this all right, please, Okay, So the.
7:55
Speaker 2: First comment comes to us from Axiovert and axio I
8:00
Speaker 2: don't even know what that means, and I don't know.
8:02
Speaker 1: If we should apologize. We're actually have helicopters. Don't know
8:05
Speaker 1: if you all can hear it. We're not outside, but
8:07
Speaker 1: we have our windows open as we're looking over our
8:11
Speaker 1: view here, which includes a lot of helicopter traffic.
8:13
Speaker 2: Yes, the Hudson River known for its helicopter traffic. All right,
8:16
Speaker 2: so hopefully you didn't hear that. But Axiovert wrote in
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Speaker 2: this comment to Anna, meeting twice for a short time
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Speaker 2: in person and she is thinking of marriage insanity and
8:30
Speaker 2: if she is not willing to put the effort into
8:32
Speaker 2: learning French, forget it. I agree, it's living day to
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Speaker 2: day with somebody, which is the test whether one can
8:40
Speaker 2: live together. That's fair, That is fair.
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Speaker 1: That is very fair. The idea of meeting anybody twice
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Speaker 1: and then deciding you want to marry them seems very
8:51
Speaker 1: far fetched. People have their different experiences, but how much
8:54
Speaker 1: do you can you know someone on FaceTime? Even if
8:57
Speaker 1: you're on FaceTime twice a day, four hours a day,
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Speaker 1: oh for months, is that still the same as seeing
9:02
Speaker 1: them where they leave their underwear? How they do their toothbrush,
9:07
Speaker 1: how they treat your kids, how they are even nice
9:11
Speaker 1: to a dog in the elevator. Will tell you a
9:13
Speaker 1: lot about a person, and you don't know that over FaceTime.
9:16
Speaker 2: It's so true. And I actually this sounded to me
9:19
Speaker 2: a lot like what you might say to Sabine in
9:21
Speaker 2: a measured tone, just putting it to her in very
9:25
Speaker 2: real terms. And I actually think it is an interesting point.
9:27
Speaker 2: I don't want to judge her or tell her what
9:29
Speaker 2: she should or shouldn't do, but I do think it's
9:32
Speaker 2: interesting that she just said I don't speak French. She
9:34
Speaker 2: didn't say I'm trying to learn French. I want to
9:37
Speaker 2: try to learn more about his culture. I want to
9:40
Speaker 2: be able to converse with his family, and she maybe
9:43
Speaker 2: she is, she just didn't include that in the letter.
9:45
Speaker 2: And that is something to consider. If you love someone
9:49
Speaker 2: you want to blend your life with his and you
9:51
Speaker 2: want that means blending cultures, That means understanding, that means
9:55
Speaker 2: wanting to learn.
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Speaker 1: You know what, for me, if you are serious about
9:59
Speaker 1: this being the love of your life, she should be
10:02
Speaker 1: proficient in French by now what I mean by that,
10:04
Speaker 1: if this is important to where you are making a
10:07
Speaker 1: life plan. Step number one is communication. You have to do.
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Speaker 1: This is the most I would argue, most important things
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Speaker 1: she needs to be doing right now.
10:16
Speaker 2: I know and I hate you know so many of us,
10:18
Speaker 2: and I get it. I do not. I am not
10:19
Speaker 2: proficient in another language. I can get by on some Spanish,
10:23
Speaker 2: but it is one of those things that I always
10:25
Speaker 2: feel a little embarrassed about as I travel as an American.
10:28
Speaker 2: But if I loved someone who whose first language was
10:31
Speaker 2: another language, I think it would actually be just a
10:33
Speaker 2: fun challenge to put myself into that dual lingo mode
10:36
Speaker 2: and start really working on another language. Now we don't
10:40
Speaker 2: know if she hasn't. She just didn't include that, and
10:42
Speaker 2: she did point out she doesn't speak French.
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Speaker 1: She pointed it out though always it's key to me
10:47
Speaker 1: and all these things like why did they mention that?
10:49
Speaker 1: I think it must be relevant for some reason. And
10:52
Speaker 1: the thing is if she she should be. If she
10:55
Speaker 1: has a French teacher, just talk to him in French.
11:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, how cool is that?
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Speaker 1: It's very good. It's the best way to learn. But anyway,
11:04
Speaker 1: we don't know exactly what's going on there with Yes
11:05
Speaker 1: to your point on that point, I didn't emphasize or
11:08
Speaker 1: harp that.
11:09
Speaker 2: Enough, so Axiover was not in favor of her applying
11:13
Speaker 2: for the day point visa. All right, MM writes this,
11:18
Speaker 2: I met my then pen friend in July of nineteen
11:22
Speaker 2: eighty one. We had just a six week We had
11:26
Speaker 2: just six weeks writing each other before meeting. That July,
11:30
Speaker 2: we toured the area. I showed him the sites. We
11:33
Speaker 2: went to an Ario Speedwagon concert. I kind of love that. MM.
11:37
Speaker 2: I'm a fan too, and watched the royal wedding of
11:40
Speaker 2: Diana and Charles on TV. He was from England and
11:44
Speaker 2: I from the US. We married the following October in
11:47
Speaker 2: nineteen eighty one. For the following six months he went
11:51
Speaker 2: to war with Argentina and all we had were letters daily.
11:55
Speaker 2: Next month we celebrate forty four years together. So yes,
11:59
Speaker 2: it can happen. I wish them luck and happiness.
12:01
Speaker 1: That is so cool. What a great story, But I'm
12:03
Speaker 1: still trying it. What's the timing though? That take me
12:06
Speaker 1: through the dates again. The timing is what she met.
12:09
Speaker 2: Her pen friends. So she met him first, and she said,
12:13
Speaker 2: I met my then pen friend in July of nineteen
12:16
Speaker 2: eighty one, and we had so they had just basically they.
12:19
Speaker 1: Were writing each other.
12:20
Speaker 2: So I had a pen pal when I was in
12:21
Speaker 2: grade school in the eighties actually, and she was in Italy. No,
12:25
Speaker 2: it wasn't a guy. It was just like your friends,
12:27
Speaker 2: like EXAs. But I was a thing back then.
12:30
Speaker 1: Don't break up over this baby. It was way back then.
12:32
Speaker 1: I'm not going to hold your past relationships against you.
12:34
Speaker 2: Know. The funny thing is, yes, hilarious, so you are
12:37
Speaker 2: still writing. But no, it's a her and it was.
12:40
Speaker 2: It was in second grade. We were given like a
12:42
Speaker 2: writing I can't even remember her name.
12:45
Speaker 1: But you might not know if it was a man
12:47
Speaker 1: or a woman.
12:48
Speaker 2: It was a class project where we each got a
12:51
Speaker 2: pen pal. But second grade, yes, but it was so
12:55
Speaker 2: exciting anyway, So back then that was the thing. In
12:57
Speaker 2: the eighties, we didn't have email, we didn't have the internet.
13:01
Speaker 2: We had pen pals.
13:02
Speaker 1: So I'm setting up her timeline. Yes, a pen pal though,
13:06
Speaker 1: so they could have been communicating. Who knows how long.
13:08
Speaker 2: They wrote each other for just six weeks? Oh, actually
13:11
Speaker 2: back and forth. They wrote just for six weeks, back
13:13
Speaker 2: and forth before they ended up meeting in July of
13:16
Speaker 2: nineteen eighty one. They married in October of nineteen eighty one.
13:22
Speaker 1: The same year. Yes, the sick say six months, so
13:25
Speaker 1: what's the difference.
13:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean July, not even July, August, September, October, oh,
13:30
Speaker 2: three months. They met after writing for six weeks and
13:35
Speaker 2: they married in three months. Hey you know, hey, that's true,
13:38
Speaker 2: especially in this case. But then once they got married,
13:42
Speaker 2: he then had to go to Argentina to go to
13:44
Speaker 2: war for six months. Did not know there was a
13:47
Speaker 2: British war that he had to go to in Argentina.
13:49
Speaker 2: But so then for six months they wrote letters daily.
13:53
Speaker 2: So that's pretty cool they had that connection. There is
13:55
Speaker 2: something about a handwritten letter that's pretty cool.
13:58
Speaker 1: It's and it's personal, and it takes time, and it
14:01
Speaker 1: takes thought because you can't just erase it and mean
14:04
Speaker 1: to do that. You have to think through what you're saying.
14:06
Speaker 1: I love love love a letter.
14:08
Speaker 2: And so he came back from war and they've been
14:10
Speaker 2: together for forty four years.
14:11
Speaker 1: I would love to talk to her as well. We
14:13
Speaker 1: should look her up, we should track her down, and
14:15
Speaker 1: we should have her a part of our love story series.
14:17
Speaker 1: But I am that window. What was it in the
14:20
Speaker 1: six weeks of writing? So you're essentially talking about four
14:23
Speaker 1: and a half months of knowing somebody and you were married,
14:26
Speaker 1: correct and only three months of that? Where did you
14:28
Speaker 1: know each other face to face? Is that correct? It
14:31
Speaker 1: can happen, and I think that's the story that's in
14:35
Speaker 1: so many rom coms that works out, and we think
14:38
Speaker 1: that is the norm, or is yes, it's aspirationable, aspirational.
14:44
Speaker 2: Even if it's not necessarily likely, right, And I think
14:48
Speaker 2: obviously MM would tell you it wasn't all rainbows and
14:52
Speaker 2: sunshine and unicorn. I mean there are. It's a marriage
14:55
Speaker 2: and it has its ups and downs what I'm talking about,
15:00
Speaker 2: But I think that's pretty cool and it's nice to
15:02
Speaker 2: have Anna see that she talked about hope. MM gave
15:07
Speaker 2: her hope.
15:07
Speaker 1: All right, So we got a few more to get through,
15:09
Speaker 1: so stay with us. We got a few more coming
15:12
Speaker 1: and Robes. I'm gonna let you do the tas you
15:15
Speaker 1: tell me. What is it that people got to make
15:17
Speaker 1: sure they stick around in here? In terms of the
15:20
Speaker 1: responses from people to our writer.
15:24
Speaker 2: Okay, well, we have another a few other really cool
15:29
Speaker 2: long distance love stories that are worth hearing, like they
15:32
Speaker 2: will inspire you. So that's pretty cool. And then you
15:36
Speaker 2: have well a cheeky response that's fun to listen to.
15:42
Speaker 1: All right, stay here for the cheekiness and the fun.
15:54
Speaker 2: Welcome back to this edition of Amy and TJ. It
15:58
Speaker 2: is our ask Amy and TJ. But it's our favorite
16:01
Speaker 2: version of that because this is when we read some
16:04
Speaker 2: of our favorite comments that were left from our Yahoo
16:07
Speaker 2: advice column Ask Amy and TJ. It's there in the
16:10
Speaker 2: life section on yahoo dot com. And this was a
16:13
Speaker 2: question from Anna. She's known her the love of her life,
16:18
Speaker 2: she says, for eight months. She's only met him in
16:20
Speaker 2: person twice and spent a total of three weeks with him,
16:23
Speaker 2: and yet she wants to know if she should go
16:25
Speaker 2: ahead and apply for the fiance visa and marry the
16:28
Speaker 2: guy and hope for the best. But she doesn't speak French.
16:31
Speaker 2: She lives in Oregon and he lives in France. So
16:34
Speaker 2: she's got a lot of things working against her, but
16:35
Speaker 2: a lot of love that she wants to share and
16:38
Speaker 2: develop with him. So Martin writes this to Anna, and
16:43
Speaker 2: actually he quotes you in the beginning, so this will
16:45
Speaker 2: be a little ataboy to you. So Martin starts off
16:48
Speaker 2: with your advice and he put it in quotes. If
16:51
Speaker 2: you know he's the love of your life, then why hurry?
16:54
Speaker 2: Why not spend time building the relationship instead of marrying
16:57
Speaker 2: and potentially making a mistake that will take years to undo.
17:00
Speaker 2: If you get engaged and he moves here, then you're
17:02
Speaker 2: responsible for him and you've only known him for eight
17:05
Speaker 2: months and you can't speak French. That's a lot. Do
17:08
Speaker 2: you remember saying that? Sounds like you I was.
17:11
Speaker 1: Just about to say that exact thing. What was the
17:15
Speaker 1: first part of that?
17:15
Speaker 2: Again, if you know he's the love of your life,
17:18
Speaker 2: then why hurry?
17:19
Speaker 1: But others can say, if you know he's the love
17:22
Speaker 1: of your life, why wait?
17:23
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, so he goes on. Martin goes on
17:25
Speaker 2: to say, I completely agree with this point. So he
17:28
Speaker 2: agrees with you, TJ. And then he says this, I
17:31
Speaker 2: made the move to India to marry my wife. That
17:35
Speaker 2: was fifteen years ago. We also met online in a
17:38
Speaker 2: chat room. We became friends first, and then over a
17:43
Speaker 2: period of one and a half years, we met when
17:46
Speaker 2: I took my first trip to India. Nearly two years later,
17:52
Speaker 2: I then moved to India and we married.
17:55
Speaker 1: Wow.
17:55
Speaker 2: What made the difference for us is that we spent
17:58
Speaker 2: the time getting to know each other. Oh yeah, through
18:01
Speaker 2: daily chats, both text and video calls. Through that we
18:05
Speaker 2: were able to establish a sense of not only respect,
18:08
Speaker 2: but one of trust woo, which are cornerstones for any relationship.
18:13
Speaker 2: So from my perspective, I would give the same advice
18:16
Speaker 2: don't rush and take your time because if you are
18:19
Speaker 2: meant to be then be patient and it will happen.
18:22
Speaker 1: Hey, how can you? Wow? That's not the last one
18:26
Speaker 1: that this was great. That was a mic dropper. That
18:30
Speaker 1: was great. But I love that people take it seriously,
18:33
Speaker 1: like they are actually feeling like they're looking out for
18:35
Speaker 1: someone and giving genuine advice and they're being vulnerable and
18:38
Speaker 1: doing it. I love it. Thank you, thank you.
18:40
Speaker 2: Yeah. And that was really cool because he had a
18:42
Speaker 2: similar experience, but he took a different path than she's suggesting.
18:46
Speaker 2: And I do think that if I agreed with anybody
18:49
Speaker 2: the most, it would be.
18:50
Speaker 1: Martin And I say that thing at the top. If
18:53
Speaker 1: you know, then what's the rush? If you know why
18:56
Speaker 1: the wait? Which way do you? Then? Oh?
18:59
Speaker 2: WHA can be so in the former category because I
19:02
Speaker 2: have done the rush and it hasn't worked because I
19:05
Speaker 2: didn't take the time to actually get to know someone
19:08
Speaker 2: and this wasn't somebody I was dealing with in a
19:10
Speaker 2: long distance relationship.
19:11
Speaker 1: No, it's the one you're saying right right. The argument
19:14
Speaker 1: they're making, both of them.
19:15
Speaker 2: If you know somebody's the one, take the time to
19:18
Speaker 2: make sure because you'll make morement.
19:20
Speaker 1: So you don't know that because you.
19:21
Speaker 2: Know what in that moment. But if that not, that
19:24
Speaker 2: might not be the same knowledge you have a year
19:27
Speaker 2: from now or two years, because you will have learned more.
19:31
Speaker 2: You will have learned more with the knowledge you have
19:33
Speaker 2: right now. You are speaking the truth. But you don't
19:36
Speaker 2: know everything information. You don't have enough information. Please, I
19:40
Speaker 2: have lived this. You don't have enough information in eight months.
19:45
Speaker 2: And look, sometimes my mom will even say this. My
19:47
Speaker 2: mom got married. My mom and dad got married at
19:49
Speaker 2: the age of eighteen, and they literally say this to
19:52
Speaker 2: me all the time. And I don't think it's just
19:54
Speaker 2: to make me feel better about my two exes. They
19:58
Speaker 2: say to me, Amy, at that age, we had no
20:02
Speaker 2: idea what we're doing. We got lucky. We got lucky.
20:07
Speaker 2: And I do think there is something to that. Yes,
20:09
Speaker 2: it can work, it absolutely can. You can meet somebody
20:13
Speaker 2: in the next day marry them, and it can work.
20:15
Speaker 2: But it also probably won't. And I mean, you really
20:22
Speaker 2: do have to get lucky, I think to not know
20:24
Speaker 2: someone the way I think you should know someone and
20:29
Speaker 2: or or the other thing is you come from similar backgrounds,
20:32
Speaker 2: you have this similar belief that you just choose love
20:36
Speaker 2: no matter what, and you just have that same mindset.
20:38
Speaker 2: It's just rare these days. So I just I really
20:43
Speaker 2: like what Martin had to say. Okay, we'll move on
20:44
Speaker 2: now to Patrick. Patrick. Patrick and Kat I've got two
20:48
Speaker 2: short ones that are very similar. So I just included
20:50
Speaker 2: them just to make Anna feel maybe a little bit
20:52
Speaker 2: better about that hope thing. Patrick, my wife and I
20:55
Speaker 2: dated four months when we got married. Two of those
20:57
Speaker 2: months were spent waiting on the church. That was fifty
21:01
Speaker 2: two years ago. It's cute, that's cute. I just wanted
21:04
Speaker 2: to include that little nod.
21:06
Speaker 1: And then Keith decide if you wanted to get married
21:08
Speaker 1: in two months?
21:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, they knowew in two months, yepo, and fifty two
21:11
Speaker 2: years later they're still together.
21:13
Speaker 1: That was all.
21:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was very quick. It was very cute. Kat
21:16
Speaker 2: had a similar one. I met my hobby. He was
21:18
Speaker 2: in Connecticut. I lived in Ontario, Canada, nineteen ninety eight.
21:23
Speaker 2: Online in an AOL chat room. We met in person
21:27
Speaker 2: a few months later. I would have married him that
21:30
Speaker 2: week celebrated twenty six years in July. It gives you hope,
21:34
Speaker 2: it does. So I just wanted to include those two
21:36
Speaker 2: because if they look, we all are rooting for that,
21:40
Speaker 2: and that sounds so beautiful and amazing, and it actually
21:43
Speaker 2: makes me get emotional hearing both of those. So that's
21:46
Speaker 2: why I wanted to include them. All right, So maybe
21:49
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have ended on this hour note. You're right,
21:51
Speaker 2: I put it. I should have put Martin at the end. See,
21:54
Speaker 2: I'm going to end on.
21:54
Speaker 1: Aw do we have to add the last one?
21:58
Speaker 2: You know what?
21:59
Speaker 1: We're teasing it too much, We don't. We're messing with people.
22:01
Speaker 2: I did. I did say there was a little bitterness.
22:04
Speaker 1: So now everybody's like that.
22:07
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll just end on another nod to Martin at
22:10
Speaker 2: the end?
22:11
Speaker 1: All right?
22:12
Speaker 2: Richard wrote this, did they run out of men in
22:17
Speaker 2: Oregon or even in the continental US? And did they
22:21
Speaker 2: run out of women in France? You met someone from
22:24
Speaker 2: France and got the hots for him in parentheses lust
22:29
Speaker 2: then fell in love not thinking about the consequences.
22:32
Speaker 1: Wah wah, you know what I hear that it is possible. Yeah,
22:37
Speaker 1: he describes a possible some would say likely, but also
22:42
Speaker 1: a very frequent happening. It does, It's going to happen
22:46
Speaker 1: to day somewhere. Okay, so what do you do? Yeah
22:52
Speaker 1: he was a little snarky with that, but the idea
22:54
Speaker 1: out of you can't help who you fall in love with,
22:56
Speaker 1: where that person might be. Sometimes you were blessed enough
22:59
Speaker 1: to be in France and meet somebody. Congratulations to you,
23:04
Speaker 1: but you can't have anything. I get that, and I
23:07
Speaker 1: don't know the dating scene in Oregon. By the way,
23:09
Speaker 1: I don't need anybody.
23:10
Speaker 2: And I think somebody, Yeah, well, who doesn't love a
23:14
Speaker 2: French accent? That just makes everybody sexier. You can take
23:18
Speaker 2: like the least sexy person and have them to speak
23:20
Speaker 2: French and I'm like, wow, they're kind of cute.
23:23
Speaker 1: And you know what, what's the thing. What's the number
23:25
Speaker 1: one thing about dating that I say? I cannot if
23:27
Speaker 1: I see smoking smoking, can't do it?
23:31
Speaker 2: A lot of French smoke. Is that what you're thinking?
23:33
Speaker 2: You know, you can make some exceptions, so the accent
23:37
Speaker 2: would out would outweigh the accent.
23:39
Speaker 1: The attitude. The style is just something just we love
23:43
Speaker 1: about the French for some reason something.
23:46
Speaker 2: It's that that's what it is.
23:48
Speaker 1: We don't actually know what to do, but good luck
23:52
Speaker 1: to you and we are rooting for you. And again
23:55
Speaker 1: to everybody that's been writing in, thank you for being vulnerable.
23:58
Speaker 1: We're just trying to have more realistic relationship conversations this
24:04
Speaker 1: column has allowed us to do. So we're looking forward
24:06
Speaker 1: to possibly expanding and doing much more and bigger things
24:09
Speaker 1: with Yahoo down the pike. But this was a certainly
24:12
Speaker 1: a wonderful, wonderful way for us to get our relationship
24:14
Speaker 1: going with them, and I am rose. This has been
24:17
Speaker 1: great because I didn't expect. People took so much of
24:21
Speaker 1: so many of the questions so seriously and to heart
24:23
Speaker 1: and were vulnerable and we started having conversations I didn't expect.
24:27
Speaker 1: So this has been great.
24:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, it has been because it feels a little more
24:30
Speaker 2: old school, back in the day when we didn't have
24:32
Speaker 2: text chat rooms that we had advice columns and people
24:34
Speaker 2: writing in and so this was really fun, a really
24:37
Speaker 2: fun experiment, and we really appreciated everybody coming along the
24:41
Speaker 2: ride with us. But thank you for listening today. I'm
24:44
Speaker 2: Amy Robach alongside TJ. Holmes and we'll talk to you
24:47
Speaker 2: real soon.