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Transcript

The Wedding Blues (Advanced Program) · Spotlight English: Advanced

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Spotlight Advanced. I'm Colin Lowva.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: And I'm Alice Irasari. Spotlight uses a special English method
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand no
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: matter where in the world they live.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: It was strange.
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: We had spent months saving money and planning.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: We wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Then in
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: a single day, it was all over.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: I thought, what now.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: There did not seem to be anything to talk about afterwards,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: there was nothing to look forward to.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I felt really depressed.
• 0:53
  Speaker 5: It was horrible.
• 0:55
  Speaker 6: Afterwards, I wondered what it was all for. I suppose
• 0:58
  Speaker 6: I just expected more.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: But what happens when the person you love suddenly seems
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: to change? And it all happens after one day, your
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: wedding day, the day you got married. More and more
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: people are experiencing the wedding blues. In other words, after
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: they get married, they feel depressed blue. This kind of
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: experience is called post nuptial depression.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Today's Spotlight is on post nuptial depression. We explore what
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: causes this feeling and how to fight against it.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Hailey Brown is thirty one years old. She is one
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: of many women who have experienced post nuptial depression. She
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: spent eighteen months planning the big event, the wedding. She
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: and her future husband wanted everything to be perfect. The
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: time leading up to the wedding was full. There were
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: so many plans. There was the list of people to invite,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: There were the flowers, the food, the place and the clothes,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: and then there was the honeymoon. Where to go for
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: their holiday after the wedding. But after all this, suddenly
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: there was nothing to plan. When they returned from their honeymoon,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Haley felt depressed.
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: She said, like lots of women, I lost weight nine
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: months before I got married. I wanted to look good
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: on the day, but afterwards I wondered what it was
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: all for.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Hailey is not alone. Philip Haudson is a member of
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. He advises people
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: with mental illness and other problems. He said that one
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: in ten people suffer from post nuptial depression, so what
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: are the causes and what can they do about it?
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Doctors Laura Scott and Alison Stafford are researches of marriage
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: and family planning. They say that much of the problem
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: comes from differences in expectation a perfect wedding must mean
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: a perfect marriage. Right wrong. Scott and Stafford spoke to
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: many women after their wedding.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: Scott wrote, for even depressed women, the wedding appears to
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: have met their expectations. Instead, it was after the wedding
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: that the Blue women experienced depression. They found little direction
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: for moving forward in their relationship or lives.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Many people expect their relationships to go in a certain way.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: They may have read about marriage in a book or
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: seen it in a film, but being married is different
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: than reading about it. Husbands and wives rarely act the
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: way we hope they will. The things we like about
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: them change, or our partners may change themselves. Clinton Power
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: is a relationship counselor from Sydney, Australia. He told the
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: website Psyche's Central.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: People grow and change over time. This means that the
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: relationship changes. The issue is that couples do not adjust
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: for some of the changes that they are each going through.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: The relationship is not like it used to be. They
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: are different people than when they first met.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Other stories about relationships continue long after marriage. For someone
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: who expects a perfect marriage, disagreement can seem like a disaster.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: It may give the impression that a relationship is falling
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: apart when it is not. Michel Gannon is a marriage counselor.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: She finds she often must ask her patience, where did
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: you get the idea that you were not supposed to fight?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: You are? It is normal.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: The time after a wedding can also be difficult because
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: marriage itself is a change. It means living with a
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: new person. Sometimes it means changing how you spend money
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: now that you are married. Should you spend all your
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: time with your husband or wife? How do you know
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: if they are happy or not? Who does the work
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: around the house? Marriage means learning something new about your
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: husband or wife every day. Some of these will be confusing.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Some can even cause anxiety or depression.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Dr Jane Greer is an expert who helps people know
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: if they are ready for marriage. She says that marriage
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: needs work straight away. You should know this from the start.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Then you are less likely to get a horrible shot later.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: You should make time for each other from the beginning,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: then you can avoid problems later on. Experts give simple,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: useful ideas to avoid the wedding blues.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: After you mary start a new pastime, something you enjoy.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: It could be an exercise class, it could be painting,
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  Speaker 2: it could be running anything. You will have spent many
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: months filling your time with wedding plans, so you need
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: to do something to fill that time. This can be
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: with your husband or wife, or it can be without,
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: but do not do everything together. If you do, you
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: may start to miss being independent.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Ask your successful married friends for help and advice.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Seek advice before you get married. Churches, counselors, and friends
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  Speaker 2: can help you understand if you are truly ready.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Make time for each other.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Remember, conflict does not mean it is all over. Relationships.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Take work.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Talk to your husband or wife about your feelings. He
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: or she may be feeling the same way.
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  Speaker 2: Do not expect marriage to be the answer to all
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  Speaker 2: your problems.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Keep your love alive after the honeymoon.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: If you feeling of depression, do not go away. Seek
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: help from a doctor or counselor.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Paula Hall is a relationship psychotherapist. She helps married people.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Paula offers advice on the internet. She says the most
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: common areas of disagreements are money, housework, and sex, but
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: she says that often these arguments have deeper roots. For example,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: a husband and wife may argue about money, but the
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: real problem could be about a person's sense of value
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: or power in the relationship.
• 8:46
  Speaker 6: Paula says we all need to feel valued as human beings,
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: but there are times when the way our husband or
• 8:52
  Speaker 6: wife spends money can make us feel worthless. Often the
• 8:56
  Speaker 6: real issues are about fairness, respect, care, and love.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Experts say that these are things that every marriage needs
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: to succeed in the long term. Respect, care, and love.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: The time after a wedding may make you bloom, but
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: the key to happiness in marriage is working at it together.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: If you are married, or if you hope to be married,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: or if you have a long term commitment to someone else,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: tell us what you think about the advice in this program.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: To whom would you turn for encouragement in your relationship.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: You can leave a comment on our website at www
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: dot Spotlight English dot com. You can also find us
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and x You can also get
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: our programs delivered directly to your Android or Apple device
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: through our a free official Spotlight English app.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: The writers of this program were from the Spotlight team.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: The producer was mitchyo Osaki. The voices you heard were
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: from the United States and the United Kingdom. All quotes
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight. This
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: program is called the Wedding Blues.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: We hope you can join us again for the next
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Spotlight program. Goodbye,