Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #997 A Dog's Life

Transcript

#997 A Dog's Life · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just answers.
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  Speaker 1: Now, can you believe it's one more week? One more week?
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  Speaker 1: And to where in the sixth month of twenty twenty four.
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  Speaker 2: We've got a busy couple of weeks ahead and I
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  Speaker 2: think this year, this end of the year is really
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  Speaker 2: going to fly.
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  Speaker 1: Oh where is the time going? Hey, Welcome to the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast. We are so grateful to have you
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  Speaker 1: joining us for our Friday edition of I'll Do Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Every Friday. In the podcast, for those of you who areknew,
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  Speaker 1: we talk about the things that have gone well this week,
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  Speaker 1: things that haven't gone well, how we can do better
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  Speaker 1: tomorrow in the hope that number one, we can aspire
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  Speaker 1: ourselves to be better parents, but number sure that we
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  Speaker 1: can help you in your family as well. Coylie, I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to go first today. Last week on the Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families Podcast with Older Better Tomorrow, you shared Emily and
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  Speaker 1: the way you've got her writing a journal now and
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  Speaker 1: how that's improved her writing, but it's also got her
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  Speaker 1: reflecting and keeping a record of her life. So this
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  Speaker 1: weird thing happened in the last week. My Mum sent
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  Speaker 1: something up to us. She's doing a bit clean out.
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  Speaker 1: They're doing a bit of a renovation at home, and
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  Speaker 1: she found a folder with a whole bunch of letters
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  Speaker 1: that I sent. We're going back twelve to thirteen years now,
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  Speaker 1: I was still a university student. In fact, it was
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  Speaker 1: more than that. It was fourteen fifteen years ago that
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  Speaker 1: I was still a university student doing our PhD. And
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  Speaker 1: for Christmas, because we had no money, because we were
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  Speaker 1: poor students, we were literally living on nothing. For Christmas,
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  Speaker 1: I decided to give mom and Dad the gift of
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  Speaker 1: one letter every week sent through the post old School,
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  Speaker 1: where I was going to share memories. That meant that
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  Speaker 1: I had to come up with fifty two memories for
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  Speaker 1: the years that I was going to share about my childhood,
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  Speaker 1: growing up and being raised by Mum and Dad.
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  Speaker 2: I just have to interject here because the letter journal
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  Speaker 2: only starts in March, so I'm actually thinking that your
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  Speaker 2: mom may not have kept the first year because she
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  Speaker 2: wasn't sure you were actually going to fulfill cove your commitment.
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  Speaker 1: Anyway, I write some pretty serious letters and what I
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  Speaker 1: wanted to do today as a response to what happened
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  Speaker 1: last week sorry, and I guess it's more context. After
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  Speaker 1: our conversation last week, you pulled this thing out and
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  Speaker 1: said read this to the kids. And I didn't even
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  Speaker 1: know what it was. You just put it in front
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  Speaker 1: of my face and said read this to the kids.
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  Speaker 1: And we were in the living room as a family,
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  Speaker 1: So I said, okay, nories. I'm laying on the carpet
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  Speaker 1: and I started to read, and then I realized what
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  Speaker 1: it was. It was this Christmas gift. Mum had sent
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  Speaker 1: it to us, and you or asked me to read
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  Speaker 1: the kids these memories. So I haven't been particularly selective here.
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  Speaker 1: I just wanted to grab one to highlight the value
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  Speaker 1: of doing this and what a difference it makes. This
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  Speaker 1: is one of the letters that I wrote. And forgive
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  Speaker 1: me for probably being a little bit overly personal and
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  Speaker 1: sharing a whole lot here, but I think this is
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  Speaker 1: fascinating and it gives such an insight into what life
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  Speaker 1: was like when we were growing up. I said this
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  Speaker 1: dem Mom and Dad. This afternoon. I was thinking about
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  Speaker 1: the dogs you have at home, merely the crazy, NonStop
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  Speaker 1: ligging dog Romeo, the little Prince. It got me thinking
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  Speaker 1: about how funny Dad is about dogs and that brought
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  Speaker 1: back a flood of memories. This letter is about Dad,
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  Speaker 1: dogs and Fred. Sometimes more Fred than Dad, and other
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  Speaker 1: times more Dad than Fred.
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  Speaker 2: And just for some cond text, Fred was your childhood dog.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, we got Fred when I was a couple of
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  Speaker 1: years old. He literally was my dog. I'm getting a
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  Speaker 1: bit weepy thinking about it I wrote this. I remember
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  Speaker 1: Dad on the milk run. Oh, Dad used to have
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  Speaker 1: a milk run. That's how they made money back in
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  Speaker 1: the day. There was this lady that didn't care that
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  Speaker 1: Dad had run over her puppy because she had more
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  Speaker 1: in the house. There was the dog that used to
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  Speaker 1: yap at Dad, and so as he drove along one
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  Speaker 1: day with it chasing him, he drove towards the bins
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  Speaker 1: and made the dog run into them at full speed.
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  Speaker 1: I remember the German shepherd that made me run faster
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  Speaker 1: than I think I've ever run in my life. I
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  Speaker 1: was probably only eight or nine years old. As you
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  Speaker 1: drive through Wyong, the road turns hard right over a
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  Speaker 1: railway bridge towards the golf club. Just before the road
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  Speaker 1: turns right, there's a street on the left, west street.
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  Speaker 1: The second house on the left in that street had
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  Speaker 1: a German shepherd in it that was usually behind a
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  Speaker 1: back fence. The day I dropped the milk on the stairs,
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  Speaker 1: he was on the stairs. I turned to run to
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  Speaker 1: the truck, and as I jogged, I became aware that
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  Speaker 1: he was following me fast. I panicked, sprinted, and hurdled
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  Speaker 1: the ditch before diving into the truck. I was scared
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  Speaker 1: I was going to be eaten. Dad thought it was funny.
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  Speaker 1: I still remember the speed I ran, and I still
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  Speaker 1: remember the fear. There have been very few times in
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  Speaker 1: my life that I was that afraid. But the best
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  Speaker 1: dog memories I have of Dad and dogs are of Fred.
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  Speaker 1: Fred was my special puppy. I still love him now.
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  Speaker 1: I really do hope he's in heaven waiting for me.
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  Speaker 1: I miss my Fred. Dad has little time or patience
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  Speaker 1: for dogs, but I really think he loved Fred too.
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  Speaker 1: I still recall both of you being there for me twice,
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  Speaker 1: in particular, once when Fred was kicked by the horse,
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  Speaker 1: I thought he was going to die and cried more
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  Speaker 1: tears than I knew I had. And the second time
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  Speaker 1: was on Easter Sunday, possibly around nineteen ninety. Fred was
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  Speaker 1: lying on the grass out the back of our house
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  Speaker 1: at Kira Street. I think it was Mum who came
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  Speaker 1: and woke me up. I stumbled outside and said goodbye
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  Speaker 1: to Fred. I remember he looked up at me with
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  Speaker 1: his loyal eyes, then put his head down and left us.
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  Speaker 1: Fred gave our family so many terrific memories. Dad used
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  Speaker 1: to call him a mongrel dog, but he loved Fred.
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  Speaker 1: I remember when Fred barked at Alex Browning. Alex panicked
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  Speaker 1: and ran and crashed through the screen doors of our
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  Speaker 1: rumper's room. I remember him ending up in the pool
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  Speaker 1: at Kira Street and he sank. I remember when Fred
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  Speaker 1: got hit by a car out the front of Joppa
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  Speaker 1: Street and a bus on Gilda Drive. The bus broke
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  Speaker 1: his pelvis. Dad picked him up, I think took him
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  Speaker 1: to the vet. Fred simply kept on coming back for
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  Speaker 1: more and kept chasing those cars. I remember one day
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  Speaker 1: I was riding my bike down Naraney Avenue. As I
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  Speaker 1: turned left into Gilda Drive past Hillary and Debbie McDonald's place.
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  Speaker 1: Fred failed to preempt my change of direction. He ran
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  Speaker 1: across my path. My red BMX bike tire hit his
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  Speaker 1: middle and I sailed over the handlebars. Fred walked away
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  Speaker 1: seemingly okay. Although I'm sure he was a little sore.
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  Speaker 1: I lost a lot of skin. My nose was a
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  Speaker 1: massive scab. As I recall, Dad would get angry about
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  Speaker 1: how dumb that dog was, but we loved him. I
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  Speaker 1: remember how he was always getting to fights. While there
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  Speaker 1: were several. The one I remember Bess, was between Fred
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  Speaker 1: and a black labrador on Narani Avenue. Oh, and Dad
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  Speaker 1: was involved as well. Fred and the lab became entangled
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  Speaker 1: as I was coming home one afternoon. I couldn't separate them,
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  Speaker 1: no matter how much I yelled. I don't recall exactly
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  Speaker 1: what happened, but I think I ran home screaming out
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  Speaker 1: for Dad. He was in the bathroom somewhat indisposed. He
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  Speaker 1: heard the dogs from a couple of hundred meters away
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  Speaker 1: and knew what was going on. By the time I
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  Speaker 1: was getting home, Dad had gotten out of the bathroom
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  Speaker 1: and was running down the hill towards the dogs. When
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  Speaker 1: he got to the dogs, they were attached to each
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  Speaker 1: other's faces, fighting to the death. Dad ran at them
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  Speaker 1: and put his right foot into the labrador's midriff. The
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  Speaker 1: dogs rolled down the hill still attached. Somehow he got
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  Speaker 1: them separated and brought Fred home battered and bleeding. It
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  Speaker 1: was around a week later that the owner of the
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  Speaker 1: lab asked us if Fred was okay. He was, we
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  Speaker 1: told her. She then explained that her dog had not
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  Speaker 1: eaten for a week because to a bread's teeth were
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  Speaker 1: embedded in her dog's cheek. He was a tough dog.
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  Speaker 1: My friend Fred was loyal. He was such a special friend.
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  Speaker 1: I remember that at times he followed me to school.
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  Speaker 1: He loved me and wanted to be with me. He
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  Speaker 1: walked with middle Lizero that time I snuck down there
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  Speaker 1: to buy Greg Chappel's cricket clinic from the newsagent. Fred
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  Speaker 1: was part of our family. He really was our dog.
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  Speaker 1: Thanks for bringing someone special into my life. Now. I
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  Speaker 1: know that was long, and I know it was a
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  Speaker 1: little bit self indulgent, but for I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: I wanted. What I wanted to share was two things.
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  Speaker 1: First of all, as I read the first two stories
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  Speaker 1: that you asked me to read, the kids were captivated,
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  Speaker 1: and then they wanted another one and another one. It
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  Speaker 1: was a really beautiful family time. But the second thing
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  Speaker 1: is just the power of story, the power of sitting
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  Speaker 1: with our kids and sharing the things we grow up with.
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  Speaker 1: Every now and again, the kids will look at me
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  Speaker 1: and say, hey, Dad, tell us a story, And often
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  Speaker 1: I don't because I can't think of one. It's really hard,
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  Speaker 1: like it's taxing. What story can I think of that's
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  Speaker 1: going to be useful and interesting that the children will
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  Speaker 1: want to hear. But they want to hear these stories.
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  Speaker 1: It gives them roots. It helps them to know where
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  Speaker 1: they came from. It helps them to understand what our
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  Speaker 1: childhoods were like. It helps them to relate to us
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  Speaker 1: that little bit more. And sitting down and writing that
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  Speaker 1: book of fifty two letters to my parents, not realizing
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  Speaker 1: that Mom was going to keep them, it's suddenly given
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  Speaker 1: us fifty two stories. In fact, there's about eight different
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  Speaker 1: stories in that one letter, and it gives us conversations
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  Speaker 1: for days.
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  Speaker 2: When you read it the other night, I had an
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  Speaker 2: AHA moment and realized that this was literally the catalyst
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  Speaker 2: for us purchasing our very first goal.
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  Speaker 1: That's right.
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  Speaker 2: We went up to Gospet a few weekends later to
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  Speaker 2: spend some time with your mum, and she was adamant
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  Speaker 2: that we were going to he ciated by a dog.
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  Speaker 2: And I never knew where it came from, but it
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  Speaker 2: was that letter.
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  Speaker 1: It was about a month after I sent that letter,
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  Speaker 1: and we didn't realize until that's when we figured it out.
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  Speaker 2: And you know what, Benson was literally the best thing
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  Speaker 2: that happened to our family.
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  Speaker 1: Having Benson, that's a big call. I think that you
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  Speaker 1: and I might be the best thing that ever happened
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  Speaker 1: to our family. But if you want to say, it
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  Speaker 1: was the dog that we bought several years into the
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  Speaker 1: that's It.
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  Speaker 2: Also helped me to know where you get your love
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  Speaker 2: hate relationship with dogs, because.
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  Speaker 1: My dad loved and hated all of our dogs. I know,
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  Speaker 1: anyway self indulgent, But the take home message is spend
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  Speaker 1: time telling stories to your kids and make a record,
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  Speaker 1: keep a journal because when you look back, oh my goodness,
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  Speaker 1: it's just I don't even have words for how precious
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  Speaker 1: it is to have that. And I've got fifty two
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  Speaker 1: of those letters. That's a lot of content to reflect
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  Speaker 1: on and share stories about and invite the kids into
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  Speaker 1: our lives. It's just so meaningful. What's your odd about
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  Speaker 1: it tomorrow? Kylie?
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  Speaker 2: I actually think that I don't need to see it today.
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  Speaker 2: I think that's.
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  Speaker 1: Very kind of you. I'm just wondering, did you not
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  Speaker 1: spend any time with our kids this week? Are you
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  Speaker 1: just struggling to I can't believe I shouldn't say that. Actually,
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  Speaker 1: with all the time that you do spend with them,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I reckon? We should just highlight one
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  Speaker 1: other thing. We have made a really big commitment this
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  Speaker 1: year to make sure we get one weekend away with
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  Speaker 1: the kids every single month, and this month we've been
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  Speaker 1: able to do it again and it's been such a treat.
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  Speaker 1: We just peered down the coast to Angowie over the
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  Speaker 1: last weekend and just being able to have that time.
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  Speaker 1: As a result of losing our nephew Logan in November
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  Speaker 1: last year, we made a commitment that we were going
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  Speaker 1: to have not just a weekend away, but we were
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  Speaker 1: going to have weekends away near family. We have family
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  Speaker 1: on the mid north coast of New South Wales, in
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  Speaker 1: that sort of Yamber area and in the Bangalo area,
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  Speaker 1: and by going there we were able to spend time
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  Speaker 1: with family and recreate those connections and rebuild and strengthen
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  Speaker 1: those relationships and spend a whole lot of time with
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  Speaker 1: our kids as well. So once again, take my message,
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  Speaker 1: rituals of connection time is how kids spell love I
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  Speaker 1: just wanted to write that in because you said that
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  Speaker 1: you wanted to leave it there. But Older, Better Tomorrow
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  Speaker 1: is about being intentional about the choices that we make
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  Speaker 1: as parents for our families, and this is what we're
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  Speaker 1: trying to do. We're trying to do it, we're trying
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  Speaker 1: to talk about it, we're trying to model it, and
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  Speaker 1: hopefully we're building better kids as a result. The Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media.
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  Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and if you'd like
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: more info about how to make your family happier, we'd
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: love for you to visit us at happyfamilies dot com
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  Speaker 1: dot au. So many resources, so many opportunities to make
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  Speaker 1: you family happier. Have a wonderful weekend and we'll talk
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  Speaker 1: to you again on Monday.