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55: Sobriety is a Superpower w/ Jennifer Leone · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 0:15
  Welcome back to the Heart of Life podcast, my loves. Today's guest has had to be the harder than life from the age of three when sexual abuse began. Her journey to this beautiful, brilliant badass she is today has many twists and turns. Today's episode is bananas and we'll have you in disbelief. Jenny Leone is the owner of JSL Recovery, the host of Jenny's Sober Lifestyle podcast, as well as the secretly superwoman. Jenny, I see you. You matter. I love you. And I'm glad you're here today.
• 0:44
  Wow, I love that intro. I love you too. Thank you. Since your sobriety date is August 5th, 2016, tell the listeners what you were doing on August 1st, 2016. On August 1st, 2016, I remember very clearly what I was doing, even though I was under the influence. I was in San Diego living with an ex-boyfriend, and I, for the life of me, could not stop
• 1:11
  Drinking like it. I'm such a gnarly alcoholic. It's like once I start like there was just no stopping and so I was just like pretty much stuck in the house because I couldn't drive anywhere because I was too Messed up and so yeah, I was literally in a house in San Diego just drinking drinking drinking drinking drinking all day long
• 1:34
  You said gnarly. So when I saw that yesterday was National Sober Day, I saw your date through this question in the last minute. And then I went back and looked at my photos to see what I was doing at that time. I sent you and you could see my face was puffy. I was drinking. I was at a golf outing. And I'm like, oh, I remember it like it was yesterday. And I still went for another two years. So obviously, what advice would you give someone who is sober curious?
• 2:01
  Sober curious. You know, like I always say to people, give it a try. Worst case scenario, you hate it. You can always go back to what you're doing, right? Like there's, I mean, just like in life, there's just so many opportunities and things that we can do. And we'll just never know if we don't at least try
• 2:19
  try. And if you're sober curious, I would encourage you to get around some people that are sober and that are living their best lives and at least see what they're doing and go, Hmm, you know what, maybe I'm a little more than curious about this because look at the lives that they're leading. I want that. You know, what do you mean? It being sober is boring. What do we, what would we do all our time?
• 2:40
  Well, I mean, and that's, that's one thing that I preach is like, it's not boring. You know, people think it's this death sentence. You're going to get sober and especially for the youngsters, you get sober and my life is over as I know it. I mean, that was my story. You know, I was like, what am I going to do? Who am I going to hang out with? How am I going to go out socially and not drink or take pills? And it doesn't have to be that way. Like life is so much more fun.
• 3:04
  sober. You know, you can be spontaneous, you can be adventurous. You can have these amazing experiences. And you can't do that when you're under the influence because you got to worry about, okay, is there going to be alcohol? Am I going to have enough pills? Am I going to get sick? It's like all these things that you have to worry about because you're under this control of these substances. So yeah, it can be so much better than what you're thinking in your head.
• 3:28
  You are an expert on sober living and continue to be in recovery. What are some of the common signs of having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol that people might not know? Ooh. I think a big one is if you have to drink when you go out socially, okay.
• 3:50
  that's a major problem. You know, a lot of people, especially in this day and age, you know, it's culturally accepted to drink. And so it's like the social thing, you go out and you drink, especially you look at these like dating apps, right? And I did some research and they were saying that it was like over 95% of people that date on these apps, when they go meet somebody, there's alcohol involved. Right.
• 4:14
  Right. Because people like people have anxiety, people get nervous. It's awkward. You're going to go sit with somebody for the first time and have a conversation. How are you going to do that without alcohol? Right. And so, I mean, we can, but, but people have a hard time. So I think that's one of the things to look for, excuse me, um, is if you have to drink when you go out to have a good time, to feel like you're socially accepted, that's a huge problem. Um,
• 4:47
  Trying to think of what else, what are some other signs that you could have a problem? You know, if you're triggered very easily, which leads you to drinking, you know, you're having a bad day. You need to have a drink. You know, you're having a really good day. You need to have a drink. It's like if you're drinking to always celebrate, if you're drinking because you got in a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you know, those are major red flags too. So were you doing research or were you just on the dating app trying to find a boy? Okay.
• 5:13
  Honestly, no, but I'm honestly, I pride myself on this on my son's life, who's actually upstairs still sleeping and probably needs to get up to school. I have never gone on a dating app. Like I've never even looked on one. Like I wouldn't even know what to do. Thankfully, you know, I've never been blessed in that sense. I've never had to go on a dating app.
• 5:33
  So if you're listening to this on iTunes or Spotify, I suggest you run over to YouTube and see how beautiful this woman is. And her artistic tattoos of her body are just second to none. And if you're not following her, please do so on Instagram at Jenny's, plural, underscore sober, underscore lifestyle. One more underscore. And she has a link tree to all her other social media. So people, alcohol is an issue. And I predict that in 10 years, it will be frowned upon like smoking.
• 6:03
  Jenny's making a real difference. So I'm proud of you. Thank you. Speaking of that difference, what difference did someone make in your life as a child?
• 6:13
  What differences did someone make in my life as a child? Oof. There's a lot of people that made a lot of differences. And I'll start with a positive one. You know, the first person that comes to mind when you said that was my principal at my junior high school. His name was Mr. Jones. So every time I hear that song, Mr. Jones. You know that song? Oh, wait. The Counting Crows one.
• 6:39
  Yeah, yeah. There's two of them. There's that old school love song. Oh, yeah, I don't know that. I don't know that one. But, you know, I was a troubled kid. And I'm sure we'll go into some of that, you know, from my childhood. And so I was super rebellious. I had an edge, you know, I had a chip on my shoulder. I was very guarded. And I was constantly getting in trouble at school. Now, when I was in elementary school, they didn't really know what to do with me. They put my desk in the principal's office. And it was a lot of, like...
• 7:07
  negativity, right? Like no one tried to actually sit down with me and take time to get to know me and maybe shift it into something positive. Well, Mr. Jones came along and when I would be getting in trouble in these classes and these situations, he would pull me out
• 7:24
  And he would have me help around the school and different activities, which really helps me build my self-esteem. Um, he would have these like positive motivating conversations with me and it really impacted my life. It made a huge difference. And that's, you know, gone with me into my adult years on like how to shift that negative to a positive. So he'd be somebody that I had a really positive, um, experience with. Um, um,
• 7:53
  You know, as for negative experiences, like I was, you know, in a situation of...
• 8:02
  molestation, abuse as a child. And so, you know, dealing with that too, in the negative sense, right? So that like, really pushed me into addiction, and numbing myself out from a very young age. So, you know, it can really show you the negative and positive impacts you can have on your life at a young age, and how that really forms you as you go into your more
• 8:25
  adult years, you know, and what you do with it at that point is really up to you depending on how much you've grown, learned, done the work, you know, and have that self-awareness.
• 8:37
  I'm going to ask a difficult question. It's not on my list. How much older was the perpetrator? I don't want to know. I don't want to say who it is, but who? Yeah, just a few years older. And so, you know, I have gotten to a place of forgiveness. Not that I forgive what happened, but I've at least turned it over to my higher power as I know it, because, you know, anybody that's young themselves that are doing this, something's happened to them. You know what I mean? Like that
• 9:07
  In my opinion, right? In my humble opinion. There's no opinion about it. It's facts. Yeah. I mean, some people would say there's just complete psychopaths out there that are like born killers that have a screw loose and they just do these things. I don't know about all that, but I do feel that this, this individual must have had some trauma in order to do that, to start doing that to me at such a young age. So you were born and raised in Canada, right? And this happened in Canada? Yep.
• 9:37
  Interesting. You have such an interesting background. And then it, then it happened again later in life. Talk about numbing out the good things. Cause you talk about, I've listened to a lot of your podcast. I've watched a lot of your content. I'm fascinated by you. Cause you know, my life really began when I stopped drinking. So I, it's a cheat code. We talk about it all the time. And I'm honest, I want you to sing it loud and pause to talk about, you were numbing out the bad things and what it did for good things.
• 10:06
  Right. And I think that's the mistake that people do at all ages. You know, we feel like, OK, we're going to have this drink because we're upset and we don't want to think about it. Well, people don't even realize that drinking alcohol is a depressant. So you're only making it worse. But when it comes to like, you know, other substances, especially like for me, a lot of Xanax, opiates, Adderall, I'm.
• 10:28
  I, you know, felt like I was numbing out the bad things I didn't want to think about. And really, you're numbing out the good too. Like your brain, your brain receptors, everything that's going on physiologically in your brain, it doesn't know the difference. So if you're thinking, fuck, I'm going to take this. Can I swear on here? Yep. Okay. I'm going to take this pill. I'm going to take this drink or I'm going to do this thing. It's a little too late.
• 10:52
  And, and, and it's going to make me feel better because I'm not going to, you know, feel the bad. It's, it's going to just numb everything. And you don't want that because then you're not going to feel happiness. You're not going to feel joy. You're not going to have emotions. You know, for me, after I got off the Xanax, it took like a good year to start feeling normally again, you know? So it's not just the bad things.
• 11:17
  You know, you had such... I just thought of this. You've had such a traumatic childhood like I did. Yours was... We're not trying to play who's worse. Yeah. Yours was worse. But...
• 11:28
  Do you feel that your life just began when you got sober? Because that's literally what I just said. Did you feel that? I don't think I've ever been in my emotions and in alignment like I am now. I know what I want. I know how I feel. I know how to get out of the feels. I know how to get back in. I just, it's, again, the cheat code. Do you feel like you just started living? Well, not just started living. You're seven years into this thing, so. Yeah.
• 11:51
  Yeah, I mean, for me, I feel like it was a rebirth into my real life as me, you know, my true self. I feel like I graduated a life that I had to go through to get to this life, which is my true life, where I can actually pursue, you know, my purpose and passion and my destiny. So yeah, I think it was a rebirth into who I truly am.
• 12:17
  And you're just now beginning to make major impact. And I'm so grateful to help you in any way, shape, or form I can. This is very passionate for me. I want to share it with the world. I want everybody to realize when you wake up in the morning, Frank Sinatra used to say, I feel sorry for people that don't drink because when you wake up in the morning, it's the best they're going to feel. And now I used to say that when I used to drink. And now I'm like, I'm going to feel this way all day, every day.
• 12:45
  And it's fabulous. So you always say it's a great day to be sober. First of all, it's a great day to be alive, and it's definitely a great day to be sober. And in your feelings, you ain't going to die. So I'm really proud of you and really happy to know you. And you have a huge fan in me.
• 13:00
  I do, I'm going to deviate from my questions because you look so stunning today and I love your tattoos. They're just, they're just who you are. You told me a story about your tattoos and it's, I say this a lot. People drink the poison and expect the other person to die. So you were, you had this terrible childhood traumatic thing. And then you kind of went into an industry that was a little bit tough. And then tell the story about why you have so many tattoos, which they're beautiful, by the way.
• 13:28
  Yeah, I just got this one finished. I love the colors. I didn't have a chance to tell you that. I love the colors that you added. Thank you. Yeah, it's interesting. We do things in our addiction to rationalize, try to convince ourselves, all these things. So for me, I thought- Even that we're not addicted. That's the big one. Of course. I mean, I was in denial for like 20 years, so-
• 13:53
  The whole time I was there, I knew I was on alignment. I'd look at myself in the mirror, and if you look at that picture I sent you, you see my blotchy skin. And I could see it in every picture and every mirror I went by. And I was like, I've got to change this. So I knew, but I just didn't want to. Yeah.
• 14:10
  Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, I worked in, you know, the modeling and film industry. And one of the things was, you know, obviously don't get a bunch of tattoos, don't do anything like that, just look pretty. And so that lifestyle was really hard to get out of. There was a couple things that were almost as hard, if not harder, if I'm going to be completely honest, to get out of and stop doing other than, you know, stopping drugs and alcohol. And that was number one.
• 14:39
  leaving a toxic marriage and number two, um, walking away from the career I had before. And, you know, that career was very enticing to me because, you know, I was living this like Hollywood dream. Um, I was making a lot of money. I was, you know, running around with people. Now that I look back, it's like, I don't even know why I was chasing all that. Well, yeah, I do know why, because I was trying to fill this void and, and not see my true self. But, um,
• 15:06
  You know, it was so hard to get away from that lifestyle because that was life as I knew it. I'd never had a normal job. You know, I had all these things. And I'm like, okay, you know, how am I going to get out of this industry? How am I going to live a quote unquote normal life? I'm like, okay, I need to do something drastic or else it's never going to happen. Like, I'm going to just start getting heavily tattooed.
• 15:27
  I'll start getting heavily tattooed and then nobody will hire me. And I'll just, I'll screw myself in the business. And so I started getting tattooed and got my back piece. And it was funny because just as life goes, then I started getting booked for things for tattoos. And so that whole idea didn't really work the way I wanted it to work. And, you know, I couldn't,
• 15:56
  I couldn't try to put a bandaid on this by getting tattooed and that get me out of it. I had to get out of it because I truly wanted to, because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know, in my lifestyle, in my using, in my marriage, I had to actually wholeheartedly want to make that change. So tattoos didn't work and now I got them and here we are.
• 16:19
  Good story. So you've gone through hell and back again, and you're here, and you're just really starting to live a good life, a fantastic life and pay it forward, which is what your middle school teacher was trying to teach you, pay it forward. And life gets good. Was it all worth it?
• 16:38
  Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't change anything I've ever been through. As awful as things were at times, it has shaped me into the person I am today. And I think that's just a really
• 16:52
  good message for people to hear that are going through hard times. Every hard time, every heartbreak, every single thing that you're going through or have been through, instead of being like, God, I've got the worst luck. Why is this happening to me? This sucks. I'm just going to curl up in a ball and stay in my room for a month. You really need to look at it like, okay,
• 17:14
  This is happening for a reason, because if this doesn't happen, it's not going to push me to where I need to be heading in life. So, you know, everything that has happened, you know, and even in recovery, I've been sober for seven years and I've had a lot of things I've had to deal with in recovery, but it's all part of the journey, you know, being in recovery.
• 17:34
  is not some destination you get to. It's a journey every day. And there's ups and downs and twists and turns and grief and loss and heartbreak and career changes and all these things. But just know that it's all worth it because it's a journey. Life doesn't stop and alcohol doesn't fix it. So I, uh, I, I predict you have
• 17:58
  Big, big, big things coming your way very, very soon. You're doing all the right things. And make yourself available and God delivers. I am a huge proponent of morning and even daily routines. I know your morning routine is sacred and never missed. Will you share with the listeners what it is, please? Absolutely. So I get up between 4 and 5 a.m. I do...
• 18:24
  My own little spiritual grounding. I journal. I do my gratitude list. I do my affirmations. I drink my coffee. And then I have a text blast that goes out to a bunch of people that have asked to be on a list where I send a positive quote for the day.
• 18:45
  and engage in some conversation with those people if they need a little bit of help or encouragement. And then after that, it's usually a workout. I live right down at the beach, so sometimes I'll go outside or I'll go to the gym. That falls off with coming back, getting something to eat. I usually take my dog down to Doggy Beach. And that's how I start, you know, the first portion of my day. Most of that's done before people are up.
• 19:11
  You know, and I just I've really taken on that like winner's mindset of you got to get up early. You got to do these things. And so that's just what I do. And I'm I'm a creature of habit. I love my routine. I think it's super important in recovery to have a routine, you know, be be able to adapt to change. But a routine is really good. So then after that, it's, you know, a typical office day for me, which could include.
• 19:34
  podcasting, talking to people that need to get into treatment or that are struggling, working on social media, now currently working on opening up my treatment center. And then by the time that's all done, it's time to come home. I spend time with my son, people that are in my little circle in my life. And I'm in bed by 8.39 most nights. I go to bed really early to get up really early.
• 20:03
  Literally, you just said my life. That's you. I feel like the biggest dark, like I get up early, I do everything. And then by the time people are up, I'm already three quarters of the way done with my day. I love it. I love my life. It's just fantastic. What's your biggest fear? Biggest fear. Hmm. Yeah. Fear, you know, it's.
• 20:29
  I used to fear failure, but now I really preach about that you have to fail a lot in life to be able to learn from it to take you to the next place you need to go. So I'm not really fearful of failure anymore. That's a really good question. What do I actually fear? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I really fear.
• 20:57
  Commitment. Yeah, that's, that's, I mean, fear of commitment. I don't know. I don't really, I don't really. Being truly vulnerable with commitment. Sorry, I couldn't help it. I mean, some people would say that. Yeah, but.
• 21:15
  I don't really think I fear things. Am I apprehensive? Do I still have some behaviors and patterns, you know, that I'm working on? But I really, really try to like not fear anything. Can I have, you know, self-doubt and negative talk and you know, that sort of stuff going on in my head sometimes? Yeah, but I get myself out of it really quick. I don't really think I fear anything. I mean, I fear getting sick. I don't wanna get sick.
• 21:45
  You're like my twin. It's so odd. I don't fear anything. Uh, can you share some of your hobbies and interests outside of sobriety? Outside of sobriety. Yeah. I mean, that's one thing too. Like don't make, if you work in recovery, that's not your recovery. Like you have to do, you have to do other things. It's so important. Self-care. Um,
• 22:09
  So I'm a big foodie. So I like to go and, uh, eat at nice restaurants. I love like daycations. I love, um, and like daycation to me is, you know, driving anywhere within like two to three hours, whether it's to the desert or out to San Diego or somewhere and just, you know, truly just being present and having fun, getting out in nature. I like to go hiking. Um, yeah.
• 22:35
  I was considering taking up roller skating. And if I'm going to be completely honest, I just think the girls look really cute in the roller skates, roller skating. So I might try to take that up. What do you mean take it up? You don't know how to roller skate? Roller skate? Do you roller skate? Hell yeah. I'm like from the ghetto, man. I grew up roller skating. You didn't just roller skate. You had to dance while you were skating. I can actually see you doing that. There's a roller skate right by my house, so.
• 23:03
  Really? So there was a, that literally was the only place we went to as children. When my parents were out drinking, there was a roller skating rink half a mile away. It was like two bucks. So we would go skating and that's where you got your camaraderie and where you got a little bit of food because there was nothing at home. My parents were drunks. They were never around. So that's a big thing. I can, like some song could come on the radio and you're like, oh, instantly back to roller skating, man. And I can even skate backwards.
• 23:34
  Really? Wow. That's, I wasn't expecting that. That's not much I can't do. Is there more, more, uh, hobbies and interests? Um, I mean, I just love life. Like I love trying new things. I love, you know, just going out and, and being adventurous. I mean, that's my thing. Like I'm, I'm really wanting to travel more in the future, you know, travel the world, see things. Yeah.
• 24:01
  It's like so many of us, you know, we like live in this little bubble and we never leave. And it's like, why would you want to do that for your whole life? So for me, it's like, I want to, I want to see everything. I want to experience everything. Like I have this amazing superpower of sobriety and like, why don't I want to go out and like see everything? So yeah, that's a big interest of mine. Travel, culture, community.
• 24:27
  It's so sad that we have to say sobriety is a superpower. Sobriety is given to you at birth. Why do we have? I digress. You live in paradise. I mean, Huntington Beach is phenomenal. I was there during that hurricane or whatever, the typhoon or whatever they call it. And I just sat in my hotel and just watched the waves and watched it. Just the epicness of...
• 24:48
  nature and mother nature. And it was amazing. And I just, I sat there and smoked a cigar and watched the waves for hours. Yeah. It's beautiful. That's where sobriety took me to your podcast. That was fricking awesome. We didn't talk about this. What is some of the mindfulness and therapy things, modalities that you tried to, to be able to snap out of
• 25:10
  these triggers and spirals that people do that, that, that send people down the, the scroll hole of social media or drinking or drugging or sex or insert, you know, not feeling your feelings here. What did you do and what are you doing in therapy wise and mindfulness wise? Yeah. So I did several things when I first got sober. I did like an AA program. So Alcoholics Anonymous, I worked that pretty solid for the first couple of years, had a sponsor, went through the steps, um,
• 25:40
  Um, and I encourage anybody, no matter who you are to go through those steps. You don't have to be, um, in recovery from anything. I just think they're so valuable to really take a look at ourselves, um, and be able to put those things into action. So I did that, which gave me a lot of clarity, um, clarity.
• 26:02
  and self-awareness, you know, being able to get to the point of seeing my part in things, making amends, and then being of service and a daily reprieve has been a game changer for me. That kind of stopped, you know, after a couple of years in the sense of going to meetings all the time and working with my sponsor. But, you know, I'll go to a meeting here or there if I
• 26:25
  irritable and discontent, I'll make sure to look at what's really going on. I'm able to now look at those physical symptoms, like how's my body feeling? Okay, is there something going on with me or a situation I need to get myself out of and make sure to realign myself? So the 12 steps are really helpful with that. And then I did a lot of therapy work. I did a lot of trauma work. I did a lot of EMDR. Anybody that has trauma, PTSD, I would encourage you to research EMDR if you're
• 26:54
  um, something different in therapy. So I did that for a really long time. Um, and you know, I did a lot of spiritual work. I would go to this one monastery in particular, um,
• 27:07
  And I would go there just because it was like a drive to get there. So I'd have that time to really be present, think my thoughts, get to this monastery. And then they had a meditation room. And for me, trying to just stay focused and think thoughts and not have them wander off in a million directions was really hard. So I started trying to do meditation and, you know, follow a more spiritual path. So I do a lot of work with that. And now, you know, my main things are I have –
• 27:36
  really strong mentors in my life that I meet with on a regular basis and they fill my cup in a lot of ways. I still do therapy off and on now. I think everyone should do therapy and you don't have to have something wrong to go to therapy.
• 27:55
  You know, therapy is such a great tool to be able to go and vent, talk about things, have a non-biased opinion, you know, and it's very, very interesting that things you discover when you actually start saying them out loud and processing them. So, yeah, that's that's mainly what I do and what I've done.
• 28:14
  It's funny you talked about EMDR therapy. I just finished my EMDR. It was very impactful. I think everything happens when it's supposed to. And I could have done that before, and it would have never had the effects. And I actually very recently during EMDR cured –
• 28:32
  processed or whatever they they call it a childhood trauma that I thought I'd already processed and it didn't and it it broke loose a lot for me so yeah yeah yeah just disclaimer for anyone out there in early recovery do not do EMDR you know you gotta wait a while to start doing EMDR um and I usually just say that's my opinion but that it is the truth you know there's
• 28:58
  Certain places that drive me insane, detox residential programs that will start EMDR there. And EMDR opens you up, as you know, from going through it to, you know, this door into trauma and things that you need to work on. And nobody is able to work on those in their first 30, 60, 90, even days of recovery. It's got to be a little more in when you've had time to let the dust settle a little bit and are open enough to actually work on those things in a healthy way.
• 29:26
  So give it some time before you start EMDR. I didn't even think of that. You're actually absolutely right. Had I done that the first year, I would have freaking set myself into spirals. But I'm a freak. I don't do – I set my mind to something. It's just done. It's just – that's it. I think you've already figured that out about me. I say I'm going to do something. I could say I'm going to go walk on the moon, and I'll figure out a way to get there. I'll probably figure out a way to have somebody pay for me to do it. So –
• 29:51
  I just was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And that was it. It was done. I didn't, I don't even think about it. As I've showed you, I got alcohol in my house. It doesn't even faze me. As a matter of fact, I was at a crazy wedding last week and it's like, just looking at people and like, Oh, you guys haven't figured it out, but they will. What's one thing about you that people might be surprised to know? Oh man. One thing about me that people might be surprised. No. Um, I, I mean, it's funny cause people see, you know,
• 30:21
  who you are on social media. Right. And me or you, both of us, I'll speak for both of us. Right. Like, I'm kidding. This week has been horrible.
• 30:32
  Oh, and like, for example, being completely honest, like my social media, which is usually the case with a lot of people's is that it'll be the opposite sex that like is the driving force in your followers, right? So if it's a guy, you have a lot of female followers. It's a girl, you have a lot of male followers. And it's hard for me to like gain those female followers, because they look at me and just think I'm like,
• 30:55
  this girl on, on social media and what they don't know, what people don't know about me is I'm just a big goofball. Like I am such a goofball. Like I just love to just do dorky things, have fun. You know, I come home, I tie my hair back. I like put on a tank top and shorts and flip flops. And I'm just, I'm just a very normal, goofy, silly person.
• 31:24
  That could eat sushi and French fries every single day. Sounds delicious. There's a Steve Jobs quote that says, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards.
• 31:37
  So you have to trust the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down and has made all the difference in my life. What I see with you is the dots have connected and are starting to really connect. I see this still nervous, beautiful, brilliant woman that is still human and still trying to figure out life.
• 32:07
  and that should never end. And that's what I love about you. Keep being in the arena. Like, like, uh, Brene Brown says, you're in the arena and you got dirt all over your face and you're, and you're just trying and you're battling and that's 90% of the battle. And it makes me, uh, adore you. So keep doing it. What, this is gonna be a good one. What reaction do people have when you walk into a room?
• 32:37
  Good question. You know, I have a certain look because of my tattoos and just how I look that, you know, people are usually very welcoming of me. You know, I think I have a good reaction because...
• 32:53
  I truly feel like I attract what I put out. And when I walk into a room, I don't walk in a room with my nose up in the air, not looking at people like I'm better than anybody. When I walk into the room, I make eye contact with everyone. I smile. I'll usually say hi to people. I make it a point to compliment somebody every single day that wouldn't normally get a compliment. And so I feel like for the most part, I do get that energy back.
• 33:20
  I didn't get any of that when I first met you. That's not fair. You gave me this funky look and said, you look exactly like you look on social media. And I'm like, how am I supposed to look? That's not fair. I mean, there was a compliment. Oh, okay. That was a compliment. So there's no secret that I have a 14-year-old daughter. She's blonde, beautiful. What advice, besides tell everybody you have a big, mean dad, what advice would you give her?
• 33:48
  Ooh, you don't need anybody else but yourself to validate you. You know, we search for this external validation all the time when everything we need is in ourselves.
• 34:04
  And, you know, unfortunately, it's a hard lesson that usually we don't learn until we get older. I tell my son the same thing. It's just we're so impressionable in our teenage years. There's just so much going on. And we're so often looking for validation, acceptance, love, you know, belonging, all these things from other people when we're,
• 34:26
  Really, it's just in us the whole time. Really, the only acceptance we need is being able to look at ourselves in the mirror and like the person looking back. What about standards and boundaries with these pig men? I say that because when I was drinking, I was just, I think we talked about it on your podcast. I just...
• 34:47
  I was the worst to women. Okay, you mean for your daughter, though? Yeah, I specifically said... That was great advice because she gets it from me all the time. And I believe that, unfortunately, in this social media world that we live in, all your validation is a number. So how many followers you have, how many likes you have. She's fascinated with how my Instagram just keeps growing. And she keeps complete tabs on it. All of her friends follow me, all the kids. When the boys come over, as you've seen with your son...
• 35:15
  they just want to talk to me, which I love because if there's not many people like me out there and I walk the talk, there's no bullshit about it. There's not, there's not one point of my life that I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth. It just doesn't happen. I don't, I don't have the energy or the wherewithal or I couldn't even remember what I would say if it was, if it weren't just the truth. So yeah, I want to know what you would say to her about it because she hears it from me nonstop. So,
• 35:43
  I need her to hear from powerful women. And I consider you a powerful woman. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I would hope there's no men hitting her up, but boys. Oh, it already starts. Yeah, you're right. You're right. That's why I was confused. I'm like, if there's any men hitting her up, you need to be out there knocking down some doors.
• 36:04
  Oh, I'm violent when it comes to that. That's no big deal. And the other part about being me now is I just look. I just look at somebody and they stop. Yeah. Are we going to go down this path? And being sober, especially when someone's drunk, it's like it's so easy to diffuse the situation. It's like I just whisper in someone's ear and go, I haven't had a single drink and this ain't going to end well for you.
• 36:30
  Yeah. And that's literally what I say every time. And they can see it in my eyes. And I love when I get pulled over. It's the, it's like just the most powerful thing. I always, I speed. You'll learn. I speed ridiculous. I'm always going fast because I don't care if I get pulled over. I carry a gun. I have to hand them my permit for my gun. They ask why I'm so hurry. And I go, just didn't even pay attention. And then they let me off every time. Knock on wood. Yeah.
• 36:57
  I'll pay the fine. So again, what, what would you say to a young lady trying to feel her way through life has a personal development dad that is larger than life that is obnoxious. I mean, she's constantly getting lectured from me. Yeah. Take your time, you know, be friends with people and have a firm boundary that, you know,
• 37:24
  unless you really like the person that you don't want any more than that. You know, I, I feel like a lot of times we have to look at things when someone has said something to us and then they repeatedly say it to us instead of going, why does this person keep saying these things to me or hitting on me? You need to look at yourself and go, okay, why does this person feel so comfortable doing this? And so. Yeah.
• 37:46
  Yeah, and it's so true. And like I'll tell people that all the time. My girlfriends, whoever, and we're talking, oh, this guy. And I'm like, why do they keep doing that? You're vibrating that energy.
• 37:57
  Yeah. And so I think to just, you know, really look at that and close, shut people down, close them down quick. You know, if you if you don't like how someone's coming at you, you know, these boys, then you need to just shut it down. Don't people please. Like I was a big people pleaser. I avoided confrontation. Yeah.
• 38:17
  You know, oh, what is this person going to think of me if I say this or I'm shy or this? And it's like, no, just be direct. Say what you're thinking. Have a good boundary and really look at like, okay, why is this person feeling like they can talk to me like this? You know, and just have the confidence to know like, you know what? I don't need any of this. I don't need all these guys writing me and just have a firm boundary. Do you know how to receive love? Do I know how to receive love? Mm-hmm.
• 38:47
  I definitely know how to receive love when it comes to people that I have unconditional love with. Relationship wise, I struggle with that. But, you know, like my mom, my son, my very close friends, like I am known to be the most loving, giving person.
• 39:17
  unconditional love with these people. I would literally give the shirt off my back, do anything for them at any point in time and receive it from them. But I still have a hard time opening up to that when it comes to like a personal intimate relationship. What's the one mental item you continue to struggle with in sobriety or let's not say struggle, let's say continue to work on? Ah, mental thing.
• 39:51
  I think it's right there. Be vulnerable. Be vulnerable. I mean, there's lots of things. I mean, it's, it's not that I'm not saying something. It's just, there's lots of different little things that I still work on. I would say, you know, I still get socially awkward situations, you know, like I, I took Xanax for almost 20 years.
• 40:13
  So I took Xanax for a reason. It became, you know, obviously way out of control, but I do suffer from anxiety. So, you know, just making sure to continually put myself in situations that are uncomfortable so I can get more comfortable. But yeah, I still, I'm still working on that. If we were going to an event and you were feeling anxious, what's there something that I can do to comfort you?
• 40:42
  Um, I think the biggest thing is with anybody, like if someone's, um, struggling with someone, something and you can see it, don't just push it under the rug and go, Oh God, this is awkward or weird, or I hope they feel better. Oh, this is, you know, I think opening up and talking about it is like some of the best medicine, you know? Um, cause not talking about it and just leaving is only going to make it worse the next time.
• 41:10
  I hate sweeping things under the rug. I think it's very cowardice. It's not being a coward, but it's cowardice, and it just drives me nuts because you're not moving forward. I want to move forward all the time. A little known fact about me is I'm never, I never am socially, I don't feel nervous ever. You can put me in any room with anybody, and I just, I'm going to have fun and I'm going to relax because we're all human. We all put our socks on the same way. We put our same underwear on the same way. It is what it is.
• 41:38
  Um, that's, that's interesting. Define success for me in your eyes. Success. Um, you know, I have a daily mantra of, um, intentionally following my purpose and that success will follow me, you know? So I think success is being in a place in life where what I do is not work. You know, I want to, um,
• 42:07
  be in a place where I just live in full purpose and passion and that's what I do. Helping another person that's struggling, that success to me more than any money. Yeah, I just, I really feel like if you follow your purpose, the success will come to you. People have been pointing out to me that I don't do anything technically for myself.
• 42:32
  Um, and I'm starting to pick that up about you and, and even our daily routines aren't really for us there. So we can survive and pour into other people's cups. Let that resonate for just a second. And then tell me, is there anything that you, that you can say to me that would differ that opinion? Like, what is one thing that you do for yourself?
• 42:55
  I mean, I honestly feel like I do a lot of stuff for myself. You know, I like working out, going down to the beach, going on, you know, adventures, doing things like that. Like those are all things that I intentionally do for myself. Those aren't things that I do to help other people. Those are things that I genuinely do because they make me feel good. You know? Interesting. Last guest had said the same thing to me. He goes, you know, those are all for other people, right? And I go, no. No.
• 43:22
  I know he said, those are all for you. And I said, no, I do them for other people. Because when I work out, I can show up best for everybody. When I read, I am expanding my mind so I can challenge you and I can be there for you and I can be there for everybody. And most of what I do is for everybody else. My thing, I like to ride my Harleys, I like to drive my boats. And that's like the only time I'm kind of like chill, chill. If you could create one law, what would it be and why?
• 43:53
  create one law. Um, oof. One law. Yeah, that's a tough one. There's too many. I mean, the first things that come to mind is to do with, um, trafficking, anything to do with trafficking. Um, and you know, the fentanyl crisis, I think anybody prosecuted that is, um,
• 44:21
  a sexual predator that has been convicted of that or somebody that has been arrested and charged with, you know, dealing fentanyl. I think those people, there should be no mercy for those people. I think it should be a law that you just go away for the rest of your life. I mean, maybe that would help the situation a little bit. What was, what is the, I know obviously everything's Jenny's sober lifestyle. What is the,
• 44:50
  Impetus for this fentanyl. I've been meaning to ask you this and I keep forgetting, you know, you're, you're notoriously with the fuck fentanyl, but where did this, where did this infatuation with fentanyl come from?
• 45:01
  Well, because I've worked in the treatment space for seven years and in a clinical setting. And so I have seen the devastation and I've seen how it's progressed over the last few years. If it had been around the way it's around now, when I was out there using, I would for sure be dead. Um...
• 45:21
  And so the conversation needs to be had. I mean, my goal with it is to get to the point where I'm, you know, speaking in schools, middle schools, things like that, really educating the youngsters on this. I don't think it's going away, but I think if we can properly educate and bring awareness, then hopefully it will save some lives. You know, like I talked.
• 45:41
  I talk to people weekly, every week that have lost somebody to fentanyl. We call it fentanyl poisoning because it is poison. And these are unintentional overdoses. You know, I talked to a mom the other day and her 13-year-old son overdosed and died off a weed pen that had fentanyl in it. I talked to a woman just over a week, week and a half ago who's actually coming out next week.
• 46:05
  to see me whose husband, her child found in the morning cause he had had back surgery, ran out of stuff and took an oxy on the street and died of fentanyl. You know, it's just this constant thing because of the world that I live in, in the sense of, you know, working in treatment that it's just exponentially getting so much worse. In 300 people a day are dying from fentanyl poisoning.
• 46:32
  That's an airplane going down every single day. If an airplane went down every single day for seven days straight in America, what would happen? There'd be a much bigger conversation and change being put into place, whereas this isn't happening. And there's obviously a much bigger scale with big pharma and where it's coming from and all of that, which I could go down a rabbit hole. But what I know I can do is educate and bring awareness.
• 47:00
  What's amazing about this fentanyl is that the smallest little trace can kill you. My father did heroin and drank for 30 years before he killed, before he died, before the body gave out. 30 years. The body is resilient. Yeah. It can take a pounding. And yet the smallest little trace of this fentanyl can kill you. And then to think about that Michael Jackson and Prince were taking this to go to sleep every night. Like, yeah.
• 47:29
  Um, having said that I had a question, but I forgot what it was. It's just, it's just amazing to me that, that, Oh, I know what it is. So I'm still in the circles where people think it's, it's okay. And it is okay that. Yeah.
• 47:44
  they talk about drugs with me because I, I, I see it and they're all like, Oh, well I, I test my drugs for fentanyl now. At least you're doing something. So I guess the, the, the afterschool special alert is, Hey, if you're going to do drugs, it's kind of like methadone. It's at least, you know, test it for fentanyl. There's, there's things you can buy in the, over the counter. Testing strips. Yeah. And that's another conversation that people are reluctant to have a lot of time. I mean, I'm,
• 48:12
  I'm a big advocate for Narcan, which is the drug reversal. If someone's overdosing from opiates, fentanyl, they can take – I have literally probably 700 double doses right here in my closet. And I go and hand that out. And some people are like, ooh, no, don't do that or don't talk about the fentanyl.
• 48:31
  testing strips because essentially then you're like telling them it's okay to go do this and it's like these people are going to do it anyways you know i think i think handing out needles and that whole thing is is a little much but that's just my humble opinion um but i think you know narcan and understanding what's in our drugs i need we need to have that conversation people are going to keep using do you believe that the fentanyl is originated from china
• 48:59
  I don't know. I mean, all evidence is pointing that way, but do I really know? No. So, disclaimer, and I've read a lot about this, is do not order anything, whether it's Xanax,
• 49:16
  any pills off of the internet, especially off of social media, because the studies have shown, and I think your numbers are a little light. I think there's more than 300 deaths per day. I just don't... Well, that's just fentanyl. That's just fentanyl. Overdoses is much more, but that one is the number they're saying for fentanyl. But yeah, I mean, unless you go to a
• 49:39
  you know, at an actual doctor's office and then go to your pharmacy and pick it up. And it's a sealed bottle. You just don't know what you're getting anymore. There is no recreationally using drugs anymore in a safe way. Like those days are gone.
• 49:57
  what are we thinking woodstock i mean uh it just wasn't yeah that's funny that was a funny to me because it's never think about all the times even higher than a kite like was that safe just because i was home was it safe i don't know there's times that i thought i probably should have died that i didn't so
• 50:13
  Yeah, I'm glad those days are over and I'm really glad they're over for you. And I just love what I'm seeing with you and I want to see more and I want to support you as most that I can from personally and professionally. So I want to know what's next for you. And how can I personally support you?
• 50:29
  Well, thank you. I appreciate that. You know, I have the treatment center that I'm opening, which is JSL Recovery. That's an outpatient facility in Orange County, California. The doors should open by the end of this year, 2023. And that's a place where people can come after they've gone through the detox residential phase. So the aftercare portion, for me, you know, a big goal of mine is to build a community and culture where people can come, feel safe, feel welcomed, feel heard.
• 50:58
  And really work on themselves like all this stuff we're talking about like, you know, sober fun and and how do you, you know, work on yourself and how do you how do you find what you like to do and how do you deal with, you know, these traumas and the relationships and all this stuff like my place is going to be able to give you the tools and the community to work on those things. So that's my big project right now. So.
• 51:21
  How you can support me is what we're doing right now, supporting each other, spreading the message. If someone needs help and it seems like I'm a good fit for them to come to my program, then great. It's all about giving back and staying connected, and people like us definitely need to stay connected in that space. Well, guys, work works, and whether it be –
• 51:45
  you know, physical hard work or working on your mind, the harder you work, the luckier you get. So never stop, keep going. And Jenny, thanks for coming on today. You are remarkable and I can't wait to see what's next. Please rate and share this podcast. Also, I do my best to respond all the comments and all social media platforms. So if you want to see more of something or less of something, leave a comment. Each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management. The best
• 52:11
  Easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life. Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.