Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #243 The Swimming Lesson That Broke Matt

Transcript

#243 The Swimming Lesson That Broke Matt · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'd love to know where those sandbags are that I've ordered.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: They're like, that's a real mystery. I forgot about that.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: I forgot about dumb, forgot. If you don't know what
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: we're talking about, what are.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: My thun bugs.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: The beach? Dumb?
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Excuse me? Falcing back to two dating dads. I am
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Maddie Jay and this is a podcast all about parenting.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Sorry that was a big yawn when you were midway
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: through that, and the relatable how's that? Sorry? Are you?
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Can I just say once again, I'm ruining, ruining the illusion.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Here we are on hold days. I hope you're having
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: a good holiday if you're listening. Ash is not. But
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: we had to record these a couple of back to
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: back records before I went away, before Vic went away
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: and left me here all my own, and we left you.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: And so Ash has not been well and he's pushed
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: through in tough circumstances and I appreciate it. I'm sure
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the listeners appreciate it. And right now, I'm sure the
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: last thing you want to be doing is sitting here
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: talking to me. You'd rather be at home masturbating and
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: the fact that you're here.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: You're right, I would much. No, I'm mu sure to
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: be here masturbating by the way, my pants were off. No,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I'm having to be here, be honest.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Have you masturbated in the new studio?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: No? Have you? No?
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Hell?
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Dan definitely.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Just paint that wall and he.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Can do it.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Name.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: He sullied his own name. He's all over the wall.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you forbating everything, everything you do
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: for this podcast.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I felt patronizing. What do I do? Good question? What
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: do I do?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: You just you're digging deep right now.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I exist. My tongue hurts go on ulcer on my
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: tongue from but I don't know. I just I've just
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: been unwell, just traditionally unwell.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: What are you taking right now? To help?
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: The good stuff? VIC gave me some horse coming radish,
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: I hooked him up and vitamin C.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: How's it going down?
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: It's good, girthy. Thank you, Thank you for asking. Tell
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: you what vitamins are getting big? Yeah, you've seen the
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: size of these things.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I don't take vitamins. I don't believe in them.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I don't really take them either, but I do and
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I'm sick because I'm like oh quick. I never preemptively
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: take him. I just when it's too late. Gave me
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: the horse cam and the Buttom Sea, well, how much?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: What are you drink now?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Or pre vitamins? Are like so fucking desperate, Like, please
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: work moving forward, I'll take you all the time, Like
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: every week, I promise.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: I'm eating foods with like zinc and them like this
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: one's got vitamin C and I eat this one.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: And then as soon as you get better, you're like,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: work you again.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, ild you like an orange? Get that ship out
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: of here. Give me the Is there any vitamin C
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: in the big Mac? Give me the oreos? Definitely? No?
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Are you you're doing great?
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Thank you?
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Really well, such a good job.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: My throat is burning.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: But let's crack onf fucking hell, let's go.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: It's crack on. Let's get it's good done.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: When I messed to another episode, I messaged you and
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: said happy Saturday. It was a happy Sunday, and You're like,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: what's happy about it?
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: We were all sick and I'm just like, fuck, do
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: you know? Actually I was crooked Friday and April was
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: worse than me, So I like, did well? I did
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: did the pick up? I was going to school disco
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I just had to hang around for and I was
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: just like, this fucking sucks. It's whole fucking things. So
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: but April was like, I feel so bad and it's like, well, no,
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: were you sick, So I'm gonna I'm gonna lift that
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: she wasn't doing as much, and I was like, don't
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: be ridiculous, and I'm like disbuilding upresentment in the background.
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: Then the king half fallen the day after where I
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: was like and getting sick on the weekend.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: It sucks, you know, because it's like you can't especially
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: with kids. You're like with kids, it's kind of nice
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: if you're like I'm seeking. You miss out on all
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: the things that you didn't want to go to, which
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: is great. But I was like, oh now I feel
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: bad because I'm not doing anything. And April's like, see
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: how that's how I felt. And it's like yesterday when
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I felt a little little bit better, I was like, right,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: April took Oscar to jiu jitsu, which is usually my job.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I just like gave the house a bit of a
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: round and made myself feel a bit better.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Do you ever feel like sometimes you always like ham
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: up the sickness, and you're like I can't. Oh yeah,
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm like I can't get out of bed.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I wish I could. Yeah, I'd love to go to
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: so I really would love to be there.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: In traffic sometimes I will just like whispering to the kids,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: like you just want to stay here, and yeah, yeah, OK,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: so I don't have to leave. I'm just like, I'm
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: too sick to do anything about till to day.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I do nothing if it makes you feel any better.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Right now, we're fucking dealing with a knit infestation. They
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: just won't go away.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: You've had nits in your house a lot over the
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: last few less that you go into school now, But
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I remember a KINDI had a few bags.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: It's never ending. Yeah, we can't get on top of
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: the it.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: It's because you all have long hair. Me and Oscar
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: over here just like short hair. Nothing catching us. I'm
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: just like dodging nits.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Are you getting nits? Are you getting it?
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: We've had nits at our school, but thankfully we haven't
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: got them yet.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think the parents that are blame here.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Hair out is bad.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I think everyone just needs to, like right now all together. First,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Tuesday of the month, or do a treatment to a
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: pre knit treatment.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: YEA, let's get rid of than it because you can
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: just spray move in now. And that's as a precautionary
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know how much.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: It works using and why isn't working where Let's let's
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: figure out where you got It's.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Because the kids have got it at school every fucking
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: other week. They're like, get a message in the group
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: chat being like just letting everyone know that the knits
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: are back, and I'm like, fuck, I'm sending them in
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: like sacrificial lands into school being like all the best,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Like I know it's they're gonna get it. They're gonna
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: It's like sending your children in the trenches, over the
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: front line.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: Into GLI, into the firing line.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: The firing line, just straight bullets going everywhere, and I'm
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: like trying not to get hit, and they're like it's glib.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: There's mortar shells going off, and I'm like, they're going
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: to get hit.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I've got a solution for you. Just remove yourself from
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: the group chat. That's what I do. I just going blind.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on in school, kids coming
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: back heads.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: School emails school emails.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Shut up straight to junk.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Just shut up, okay, yeah, just it's it's it's the
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: it's the it's.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Rampant.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Have you got them in your head?
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: How dare you you did last year?
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: My biggest fear.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I could just shave my head. I've got a
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: head for shaving.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I don't like my hair because they want clean hair.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I think mine's only wash it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: It's like Mosquito every six weeks.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: When I get a haircut.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: Once every six weeks, I can I just say, Vick,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: don't sha.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: I haven't washed my hair in ten years.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: You don't have any hair, bro.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I just shave it up, start again. I'm all about that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: You never get dandruff.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Someone else is probably like this guy's
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: coming in.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: You're quite clean, thank you? Yeah? How when you showering?
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Ah? Once a month? Oh? You know? Me and Dan
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: we show once a month on the sot of the earth.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: He showers once a day, That's what he's telling you,
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: because he needs to wash off all.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: The To be honest, I shower like.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Four times a day because you masturbate so fucking I
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: told you how to comment.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: In the shower. That was one time pre kids.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Hey, Aprin comes, he's just on his back, legs over
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: his head, fucking jerking off.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: It was like, at least stop, I can't tell me what. Okay, nits,
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: we get it. They're annoying.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: They're annoying every time someone talks about and it, so
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: everyone gets itchy a little bit.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: We got Marley a Kindle. What a great present. Right?
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: She a good reader? She get it getting good. She's
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: very good right outreadcars outreading that.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: She's chatting through the books and she's just for I
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: reckon probably about good eight months she was like, I
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: just want to Kindle. We were like, great birthday. Let's
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: give her what she's always wanted, give her the Kindle.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, books are expensive, well said thank you
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: on the Kindle.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Except Ash's book except ten bucks at Big w don't
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: go nor else for it. Trust me, that'll be expensive.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: They're bloody expensive. And they had the option you can
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: pay for unlimited. And I was like, don't try to
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: swindle me Kindle.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: So it's expensive to buy the book. To go on
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: the Kindle.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Buy the books. Yeah, I was a little bit cheaper.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: How do I get it in there?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: I don't know you download it.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: It was the joke, just so you know.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I said to my I signed up with my account
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: and I was like, look, And I also didn't know
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: what her reading was, Like, I'm not sure how much
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: she's going to use this product. So I was thinking,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go all in get their like
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: bells and whistles of script gray first. And I was like,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: you tell me what book you want, and I'm going
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to buy it. And she has a little read she
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: goes to bed at seven o'clock. She likes to read
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: for a little bit in bed.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: That's gorgeous.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: But I was like, is that a subtle brag?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Was it?
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't mean to, Hey, well go that's before she
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: does her charity work at the orphanage.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, very good. Explain how thought she reads it and
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: she then put herself to sleep.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Correct. Sometimes I'll say, come on, like you gotta, you know,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: turn the fucking lights.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: I've got it back. Our kids over here are just
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: like not reading like that, Like this is.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: She's quite clever.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: The problem is with having a clever kid is that
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: they're fucking clever. Yes, all right, and they figure it
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: out and you're like, well, it's.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Like when I was reading to her and she was
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: corrected the words I was getting wrong, so I couldn't
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: read that so much anxiety. I was like, and Timmy was,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: She's like walking to the beach, get it out.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I correct Oscar when he was already correct, just
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: to cut him down a few pegs. This is just
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: so he knows box.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: No. So I was like, hey, just with the Kindle,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, if you I know it's connected to
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: my phone. If you buy any books without my permission,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I know, I get a message, don't do it. Okay, okay, Dad,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I went to sleep. She's brought a lot of books.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: She's gone on a shopping spree.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Does it have a limitation of what because there are
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: some smutty books out there?
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: No, I mean I should and it.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Could be mistaken because a lot of the fantasy.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I should have I should have put like a kid
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: should have kids lock on it.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: But she's got the tantalizing dragon.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: No, she has. There's like a diary book.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: It's a deep yearning.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: It's like a store where it's written from the perspective
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: of a girl written writing a diary. Okay, So I
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: woke up. I look at the notifications, and I'm like,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: you are so smart, but also spending so much of
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: my money. I was like, we're going to get kicked
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: out of this house because you spent too much money
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: on books. We're a little bit too hard on the
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: field novels.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Can you get kids books on them? But this is
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: coming from a place of complete ignorance.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Well, look, you buy a book for twelve bucks, it's
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: eighteen bucks sometimes for the big ones.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: How much did she spend though, not that much, like enough,
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: one's enough.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: I just it was it was the fact that I said,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: these are the rules of the kindle. There wasn't that much.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: But it's the principle.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: It's the principle, Thank you very much.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't know that. I just specifically thought they
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: were for adults and they can only buy like like novels.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: And it's actually it's quiet. It's a technology technology. I mean,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I know the kindo has been around for a while
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: I always just think it's a fad.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: That's the only thing I read with.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Are you a kindlegar?
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: I'm actually an eyebook gal. Sorry, yeah, it's on my phone.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: I figured out the only way I can read books,
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: and I love reading is if it's on my phone,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: So I use the eyebook app and I buy all
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: my books through that.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Don't you like, isn't it bad for the That's toxic?
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Now you turn the brightness all the way down and
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: then it turns black at night, which is the only time.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I read it. And what about all the other colors?
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: I can get through so many books each year, whereas.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Before I obviously we're not giving it enough work.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: I was reading till midnute.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: You should get some more sleep.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: But before that, I literally only read one book after
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: having Louis, before I had Lily, and I was like,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: this is I can't do this. I need to read.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: It's like the way I relax. And then once with Lily,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: I started putting it on my phone and I just like,
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: because we breastfed, lying down, I'd put it like behind
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: her head to read while I was rest reading. What
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: are you reading at the moment? It's called A Big
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: Beautiful Life?
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I bet it is. It shows you a big beautiful life.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: It's a bit of are you going in there?
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: It's a rom comments by Emily Henry and a lot
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: of movies smart.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: No, it's not smart women love smutty books. It was
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: just like bought the off campus book, like the book
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: that it's like based off, and I'm like, you are.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: It's not like there's a bit of sexy, like there's
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: a tension to build up. It's like flirtatious.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, over there there's this guy Chad anyway, So okay.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: I can only listen to audiobooks in the car, and
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: that's it the only thing I can do.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: I've tried audiobooks. I don't like them. I like to
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: read the pages.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I can't read.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: I can't retain the information.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I know I read it, and I'm like, what did
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: that say?
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: That being said? Jen Muir's audiobook is spot on.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: If I want to listen to Jen, I'll just give
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: a speed dial, she calls me.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: Actually actually a little parenting hack. I used to listen
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: to her audiobook on the way to pick up Louis,
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: so then you'd get little tip bits right before pick up.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like when I used to watch skateboard videos
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: and then go for a skate.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: You're actually pretty good at skating.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: What do you mean, Like, like, do you when you
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: go for a serve? You ever watched like a certain video.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: They watched me.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: I love to see you guys skating.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Matt's actually pretty good with that snowboard. Yeah, look, we've
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: probably hurt ourselves. We went to the skate bowle at
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: bond I to watch that kid drop in and I
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, no.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Too much, too much. I'm not sure if any of
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you have done this before, but if you have, you
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: understand what I've gone through. If you haven't, made sure
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: you never make this mistake. I am the washing guy
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: at home self a point in Nana, Sorry, Nana like
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: sus skate. No, no, no, actually, you're right, You're right. Nana
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: does a hell of a lot.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: She doesn't listened.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: She does. I think she does listen to me secretly,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: she listens to love. But I was putting clothes into
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: the washing machine and I may have gotten Poppy changed
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: and like taken off her pants And it wasn't a
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: like a ship build nappy, just a wet nappy, but
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: it was in the clothes. I put that in the
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: washing machine.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Did the absorbers come out?
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: And I like, open the washing machine. I was like,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: what the fuck has gone on in here? Like expand
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: all the moisture?
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: How did they signs is crazy.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And just it's like trying to god, did you have
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: to rewash? You have to like rinse every item of clothing.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: You have to rinse then to get like to get
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: the bulls off.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: It's like when someone leads a tissue in their pocket. Worse.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's way worse. Down to this recently and he
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: was shocked in a pull. No, we actually had one
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: of those nappy sheet things that you stick to the
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: and he put that in the was like a puppy pad. Yeah,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: I guess for kids and Louis with the bed. He
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: put the whole sheets and everything in the wash and
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: then he was like, what the fuck is this same thing? Nappies?
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do recall, like I think it was a
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: wet nappy that just exploded. The last was like, what's
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: all this in there? And they're like, and I can't
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: imagine that all through my fucking cloth? Throw them all out?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I the house down. That's the only insurance claim.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: No, I've never done it, but to be fair, like
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: now we're not in nappies anymore, so we might have
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: done it at one point. I just don't remember.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Must be nice.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Well, I didn't I'm not the one that just started
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: to impregnate my wife. I physically can't.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: Is Macie out of nighttime nappies?
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: A couple of nights she weed the bed again like
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: the dream? What's happening? And I don't know? And then
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: she just stopped again, So I don't know. It's a mystery.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: It's very arrogant or hitting my like milestones is the
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: parenting podcast, like I just watch you if I was okay, ash,
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: are you a good? Watch your tone?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Thank you for pulling me up, and I'll be more
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: conscious of that.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, I am a good I'm on the best according
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: I would say, you're both good dads.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you? So are you?
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: That's last, mum, parent, thank you.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I don't like to define the roles. If you are
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: a parent and you're like, am I good at this?
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Am I am? I doing a good job?
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I think if you're showing up, you're doing a good job.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Well, like, do it a bit more than just let's
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: not put about too low.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: We can get over.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: If you're in the room, you're winning.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: If you exist, Child's like, I'm so hungry, I'm here,
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: I'm doing I'm showing up.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Based on my aura.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: So apparently there are seven weird signs like this. So
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: apparently there are seven weird signs that your kid secretly
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: think that you're a great parent.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, weird, go okay, I'll define weird.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: They negotiate many things that you say.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Oh everything. They've definitely just brought a list of things
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: kids too, Just like the first one. I'm like, you
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: get in the shower, it's like, but just let me
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: how about this, I'll do this and then yeah, okay.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Apparently it's because kids don't negotiate with people they fear.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: They negotiate with people they trust enough to believe their voice.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: They should negotiate with people they fear, because if they're
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: to be in a bank and someone holds it up, okay,
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: and they're like, look you can go free if you
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: do this, you hear them out.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: That's what I say, LUI negotiates everything.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: That's because you're a good parent.
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: I know. This actually made me feel better.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, cool, that's this is what these article is. Yeah,
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: that's good. Do your kids do that?
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah?
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: So tick tick Okay.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I'll just preface this list and say I don't know
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: what's been put together by anyone who's like a penny
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: expert or a psychologist.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Is it on social media? Yes, it's definitely been well
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: critiqued and well researched.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: So number two, they climb on you constantly, tick, yes, okay,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: sitting on your lap, leaning on your shoulders, asking for
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: a piggyback. Physical closeness is often a chid's way of
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: saying I feel safe with you. They bring you random treasures.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I might stop doing that. Oh, actually it's more
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: like random art, but it's crap.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, it's like down the beach, like here's a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: shell and you're like, don't get me a better shait?
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Well a rocker, leave half a cracker. It may seem silly,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: but they're giving you something that they think is valuable,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: or they're.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Done with it.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: It's valuable to them, or they're just done with it.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Luis likes fighting shiny things.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, Number four, they don't mind crying in
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: front of you.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: What don't they? They always cry in front of me.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: It's because they apparently feel safe.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: They cry in front of everyone. Yeah, they're at the shops.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Don't question the list the shops.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: They'll cry you don't question the list five.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: They interrupt what you're doing constantly.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: This is a rage baiting list for sure, because it's
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: just it's just what to Okay, you could read this
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: list out to someone who's like, what to expect when
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: you're expecting?
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Okay. Well, apparently it's because they feel that you're an
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: important person to share information with. Okay, we'll almost that.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Number six. They asked you the same question over and
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: over again.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I'm just getting triggered by this list.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: Doesn't it make you feel better? It makes me feel better.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, I feel like they put this list.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I see through it.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: I feel like they put this list together to make people.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: It's so skeptical all about these social.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Media Apparently it's they want reassurance from you.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: They want something from you, that's for sure.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Okay. Number seven, the last iole on the list. They
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: repeat the tiniest things you've said.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: This is I feel like everyone's a good parent because
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: O kids do this.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: In my experience, when kids repeat your words, it's often
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: because your voice lives within them.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, except when they repeat the bad things.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: In mind, I prefer the bad things. And Oscar like
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: he's just like so cheeky, can't help himself I'll be like,
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: go to your room. Is that because he loves me
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: so much?
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Apparently.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, so next time, okay, next time I go put
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: this in your room. In your room, I'll be like,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I love you too.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: See what he says, and he'll be like, shut up.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: He'd be like, and we'll go back and forth.
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: Well, you're a good dad, thank you. You're a good dad,
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: and you're a good mom and dad. I feel like,
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: and Dan's a good dad.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: They've just described how every child behaves. I know.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: They don't eat their dinner means you're a good parent.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like it's starving. I'm the best parent.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: They hate getting in the bath and hate getting out
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: of it because they want to be with you so much.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I know. It's funny that they fight everything that I
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: asked them to do. They must really love me and
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: I must be such a good parent.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: But parents just need a little pat on the back.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I read that and I was like, thank you.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you wrote like this will make a heap of
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: people have it. Yes, literally, I'm like, what are the
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: comments like on that?
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, parents like.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: A thousand chares and this is me and they're going
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: this is bullshitd like not like the move. I thought
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: I was really looking for groundbreaking things.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: You know, you know it's groundbreaking breaking news.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, big, what do you got for us?
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: Well, there's a baby name trend millennials can't seem to shake,
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: and it's being reflected in the babies born this year.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: Baby Center has found the names of some of the
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: TV's most popular characters are being given to this year's
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: batch of babies. Since Friends was uploaded to YouTube last year,
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: the name Monica has is in one hundred and twenty
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: two points, while the High School musical twentieth anniversary has
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: seen the names Gabriella and Troy move higher in the rankings.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Troy I know and if you still have doubts Ash
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Gray's Anatomy fans have been paying tribute to the show's
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: twentieth birthday this year, with Derek and Miranda both jumping
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: higher on the baby name ranking.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Eric Duke, I don't know if it's an Eastern Suburbs
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: thing here in Sydney, but it's always like Axel and
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Ye Phoenix. Ah, it's Teddy's a big one at the moment.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not the Mets too yeah, it's pretty bad,
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: like ours of Real Coastal. Like I know Mike's kids
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: named Lenox, but then it's like here's Reef, here's Barrel,
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: he's green Room, like for go On says, and it's
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: like my dad's name is Wayne. It's like, keep baby Wayne.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: It's like all these names come and go. It's like,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: do you know that whatever you name this baby it
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: will be an adult. So it's like, oh, let's name him.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know Teddy. It's like, oh, little Baby's yeah,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: but it's not Theodore. It's they're like, let's go with Teddy.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: If it's Theodore at least older, it could be like, yeah,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: ted that's cool. But like you know what I mean,
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: they're trying to name kids that they're like so cute
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: as a baby. But it's like, imagine if it's like
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: called up for jury duty and it's like, I don't know,
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: fucking Axel, it's like he's Axel or fucking fairy or whatever,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: strike or you know what I mean. People are naming
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: babies are not adults. That's what I'm trying to say.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Have either of you named either of your kids from
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: like a TV character or someone famous.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Oscar is named after Oscar Langburn, who was a he
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: is a surfer.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Actually met him, such a typical normal beast, and I
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: told you I'll name my child after the famous surfer Oscar.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Well, we had a few options, but Oscar. I was
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: very adamant that it can't be something like river like
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: fu sake, Like if you've got a river out there,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: what you know? What are you name their siblings?
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: What about Macie?
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: After was meant to be Lucy spell wrong? No she was.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: It was between Macy and Lucy. I don't know. We
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: just felt like Lucy or Matte. And then when we
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: had Macy, it was like, well your mate Mayo Mackey?
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: What about you Matt? Were any of those names from
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: like famous people?
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: As I don't get I don't get influenced by other people.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: To get out of here, I'll come up with names myself,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: like Matt that's from the Bible.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, your your brother's it's Matthew, Mark, Luke
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: and John.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Isn't it close? It's so close to that, it's Adam, Tom, David, Matt.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: See, it's essentially it's it's it's it's a modern day Bible.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: I reckon it's just like, she's let's pick one of
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: these ones because you're also Matthew David.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Do you attack my mother like that?
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: So you've got a brother David in the middle, a single.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Mother of five children. She doesn't need someone questioning the
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: names that she gave.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: But that was after you named them. You're already named.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: When I was doing her best.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: Well, I was going to say Louis was named after
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Dan's great grandfather. However, I was a huge One Direction
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: fan and I knew Louis Thomlinson and he was hot.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's creepy vick.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to take that about that.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Are you so hot? Let's call that kid that because.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: All of One Direction they're all very attractive boys. Oh
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: that's sad. That was very sad, sad, thank you.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: But when I lived, I was talking about facts over here,
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: but I think, yeah, I love One Direction.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: Dead all right, Louis still alive.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: I love those memes where it's like, oh, why is
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: why is my sister's name Rose And it's like and
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: he goes, oh, that's because it's your mother's favorite thing.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Thank you for asking Watermelon vape, you know what I mean?
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: I think that people should be naming adults and not children. Okay, quickly,
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: just want to ask you this question. Do you know
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: or anyone you know or your children are they scared
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: of any particular foods?
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I've heard people. I don't want to shame people, shame away, shame,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: but people are like scared of bananas.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: Bro Okay, I've got two two, I've got two examples
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: before I get to my child really quickly. One one
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: of my dad's friends was deathly afraid of tomatoes, not
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: even wouldn't even have tomato sauce for what reason I
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: don't know. And my room, my first ever sunny hurts tomatoes,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: Like did you mention sauce? It was like a cat purry. Anyway,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: there's that. And then my first ever roommate, Casey an
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: old name, and Jamie. He's afraid of bananas. I don't know,
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: maybe they're too phallic.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: No, someone I used to work with he wouldn't let
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: us have bananas in the control room because he hated
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: them so much. And we can't leave our desks in
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: the control because it's live TV. So it's like, how
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: am I going to eat breakfast?
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: That's so it's weird.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: What happens to smell?
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, so Oscar Oscar once he had and you would
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: agree with me. Subway cookies, delicious, delightful. That got a going.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: It's she's like pick up cookies on the way home.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: They pump out the smell.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: So Oscar had one and he must have got sick
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: right after. I'm not going to say the cookie was
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: the determining factor, but he's gotten physically sick after having that.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: And it was obviously something that it's quite a pungent
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: smell and taste, and when it's coming back up, I
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: would assume it's the same, but if not worse mate.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: The other day, I went to buy a cookie and
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: he was next to me and he was like, and
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: then he just started crying. I'm eating this cookie, the
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: exact cookie that we just had before from Cole's that
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: looks like the subway cookies. He is like crying and
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: I'm like this and to the point where he won't
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: even like he is like a meltdown over a cookie.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: That's why I was is it just mine? Is it
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: like a weird thing Mike Kid does? No?
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I had that one time. I vividly remember what are those?
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Is it not true not to eat. So it's a
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: fucking chiros. A ciros. They're so good, No, you don't
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: like I went and had one when I was about twelve,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: and I just so happened to get the worst food poisoning.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Wasn't the curros because they're harmless, but I just that
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: was the last thing I ate, and I was for
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: three days, just both ends. And as a kid, I
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: remember being so sick I couldn't go to my bed.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I was just asleep on the couch and I was
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: hallucinating because I was so ill. It was that bad.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: And I've never had a chiros since.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: So the churros actually was the victim in all this,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: the innocent victim. What was it that made you seek?
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: You told? I remember once I drank too much red
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: cordial and then everything after that. I was like, I
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: can't believe that, because now Oscar thinks that cookies mak him.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Sick something so delicious, which is actually not a bad
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: thing because it means your cookies are safe.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Well said, Do you have a word for when you're
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: when it's coming out?
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Birth ends a good time?
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: A good time? I call it an Eiffel.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: Towel with your kids, I give your vomiting and theses.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: Well I can't claim this. My friend coined this term,
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: but we've all adopted it because it's such a good phrase.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: The woosies, when you're vomiting and shitting at the same time, theosies.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: I've got the wo wosies.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Never heard that.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: Give it to your kids.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to give my kid.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: No, don't give it to them because it's like the
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: sound of what.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Because you're like, whoa, which ends up coming up.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: I've only ever had the wo wosies once was in
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Malaysia and I was squirting and vomiting at the same
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: time I was on the toilet. Was fucking disgusting. So, yeah,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: you're right, I was whoa the whoa woes.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: It's such a beautiful little name.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: Anyway. Yeah, so we're afraid of cookies in my house,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: which is kind of good because then I can eat
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: all the cookies. But like, I'm just trying to snap
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: him out of it. I'm just giving him cookie treatment
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: where I'm just like eat it. You know. It's like
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: smoke all these cigarettes in front of me. Boy, stop
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: him smoking.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: You have to pay for a psychologist.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: He'll grow out.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Of it trauma.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: One day he'll have a good cookie and go, wait
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: a minute.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: This wasn't cookies, yeah, the whole cookie family.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: He goes, you know that, I'm sick. It's like one
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: time he got a slight little rash from some pineapple
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: like city and he's like, I'm allergic to pineapple. I'm like,
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: you're not allergic to pe Well I am. I'm like,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: who told you that?
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Mum?
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Of course you did. Anyway, moving on, have some sense
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: into that. Boy, I will want to get home.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm going crazy here. Guys. I
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: think I might be losing my mind a little bit.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: So I've held off simming lessons for a very long
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: time because I was like, I don't want to overload the
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: kids already doing gymnastics, that's enough.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Why not doing swim lessons anymore?
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Well that they kind of they can swim, they can't
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: do a freestyle. They can float, you'll float. But I'm like,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I want them to be champion swimmers. Yeah, I want
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: them to be able to swim the Tasman. Yeah.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll just survive if they fall in the water.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: About that.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about that. We want athletes no, I want
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: them to win carnivals. Laura was a very good swimmer,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: so I'm like, I know it's in them.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: She's got them flippers, she's got.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Some actually she goes quite small feet.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: No, she doesn't big you're the same time as yours. No, mate,
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: I've seen this. Well, I go to your house like,
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: I'm like Jesus.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: The significant heels and I'm like, put her shoes down now,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: and he's like, well.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: She put a picture up of her feet in sandals.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: I'm like, Cromtha sandals.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: She didn't respond anyway. Swimming lessons, I'm curious.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: So swimming lessons. I was like, do you know what
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I'm going to book it in. I'm going to do it.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: And I was like, Laura, don't worry. I'll take that
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: word right off you and I put it on my shoulder.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: She wasn't even thinking about it. That's the kind of
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: guy that I am. Yeah.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: I call up the swimming school and I'm like, hey,
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I want to book in my kids and they go
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: go online. It's all online, online portal and I was like, fuck,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: hate an online portal. No time for that.
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: What do you mean I hate aline?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: No, I don't want to talk to him.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: So she's like, online portal, get that for a frog
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: and the big guy. So I've got the online portal
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: and this is like eleven o'clock at night, one of
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: the last jobs that I have to before I can
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: clock off, close up shop.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: And go back to bed.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: And I'm such a great dad. We're just like it
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: never ends, you know, clean, I clean the kitchen. I
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: didn't know it was Nana, but so I now feeling
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: out the fucking profile for that Mary feeling out the profile.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Finally get to like available days. Do you know what
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: great result, guys, Thursday three thirty is available?
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: Cool?
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Two spots left. I'm like, thank Thank the Lord. I'm
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: a good guy and sometimes it's nice and good things
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: happen to good people.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Does a big guys looking out for you?
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: And so I'm there, fill the details. I book it in.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: When's it start next Thursday? Happy Days? So I get
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: a confirmation email. It just says like, hey, we're good
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: pretty much. Hey, this is the thumbs up a photo
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: of So I go there on the Thursday and I'm like, hello,
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: even my three thirty. They're like what you what's your name?
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: And I said, oh my name's Mate moling Lola. Let's
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: starts swimming and they're like, so what here? So this
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: is a gym and they're like, no record and I
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: was like, have.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: You checked the portal?
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I was like no, no, no, and they go checking
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: the system. Nah, nothing here and I'm like, but I
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: showed the confirmation. They're like, oh, there's a two phase
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: sign up, like you hadn't yet booked it and I
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: was like, what more did you want from me?
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: It's done the profile, the thumbs up and.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: They're like, no, you gotta get back to the portal.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, can I do it now? Like they're
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: back on the portal and I was like can I
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: just they're here, the water's there, and they're like, well,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: actually Thursday is now full. Oh.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: I was like, thank god, swimming anyway, it's all right.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: It's just a swimming lesson.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Like it's it's not just a swimming lesson.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: And I was like I was trying to. I was like,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I just need you to admit that you were wrong,
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: because I definitely need this. I just I have a memory,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I did all the forms, I did the payment, I
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: gave my credit card. We have no recollection there's nothing on.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: The system, but you got the email.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I got the email, give you a bank statement, but
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: then no money came out.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: You can dream this.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like, your system, your online portal is ship.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: You're embarrassing me in front of my kids.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: It's ship.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: You're embarrassing my kids in front of me.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you need a sorta your portal
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: because it's not working for anyone.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: And like, so do you think that maybe you were tired?
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: You were a bit tired.
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: Okay, you're like I did at eleven thirty nine my
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: brain obviously, and I got I got out of there.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: This is why Dan says we can't do anything like
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: this at night, because we make mistakes, and we do
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: and you do.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: I didn't make a mistake. Clearly turn them up anyway.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I like to Laura, I'm like, we're not going back
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: to that fucking swimming school next morning. We're going back
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: getting the kids ready for school. Marley wear his shoes.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Oh no, she left him there. She took her shoes off.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: So we realized you walked her out with no shoes on.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I just got it back in the round.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: You were like, I'm so embarrassed and she puts.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: A nibot on now So like I was like, back
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: in the people see me, I had had to buy
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: new shoes.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: You didn't go back, Yeah, I was.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not going back there, like come back, and they're like,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: so we cannot change the portal for the last time.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: I can just imagine them going, what about this guy
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: that came in the other day.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: And I like walked back in. Hi, So I had
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: to sacrifice the shoes.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: So what?
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: And I'm trying to find a new swim school and
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: it's everything everything bloody. It's bloody hard to get a
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: swim school.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Who'd have thought the portal dirty? The portal to the pool.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: I've been done by the portal.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: You have been done by the pool.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: It's I mean having a two stepper, It's like, that's
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: that's unnecessary.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: I also hate a portal. I know you love it, Ash.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: I don't. I wouldn't say love.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: But school's the same.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: And you're always jacking off of the you over there.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: April's like, what's on your.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: Long the times I've jacked off the portals?
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: It doesn't always have to come back to master because
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: that's who we are.
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: Because we're two men and we're in a room and
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: there's nothing else to talk about but jerking on.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Next podcast will be about jacking off to jerking off.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Dass, what if I just started talking about winking all
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: the time.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I called you do it?
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: Do it now you're fired, quick delete that fair work.
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: I'm not gonna like that.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: One will probably be doing swimming lessons at this particular pool.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Not this one. But that's also what's like next to
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: my list is back to swimming lessons. Being in the water.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: That sucks.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: I know it's the best.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: We meant what we said, Vic, I don't want it, okay,
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be anywhere near a public pool,
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: thank you.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: Because it's also I just don't think.
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: It's not about the swimming lessons. It's about the bonding
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: I spoke.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: They do actually do it, but it's quite cold. They
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: do it in the.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Shallow and I've got it, like you crouch down like this.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: And then you're in a random like you're in with
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: a random group of other parents and you've gotta be.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: Like code brown brown.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: And we're all like singing songs and no one's really
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: enjoying themselves.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: It's just a lot of speech.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: Fucking it, I know she does. I even spooked it
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: for the swimming center that my kids do swimming lessons
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: because I thought it was such an amazing opportunity as
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: a mum of two. It was the only thirty minutes
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: of my week that I had alone time with Lily,
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: and I'm sure it'll be the same for you. It
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: would be the only thirty minutes of your week where
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: it's just you and Poppy one on one. And it
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: wasn't about me all day with her that I'm not.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: That into it, Honestly. I went to a couple of
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: times it was me and Macey. I get it. I
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: get what you're trying to say, the bonding. Yeah, but
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: then eventually it was like she hated it and I
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: hated it as soon as I got out of the water.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Macie loved it. So maybe I'm the problem.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: Lily in the water is like joy personified, Like it
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: is like the happiest she is ever, and so as
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: soon as you get in the pool with her, you're
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: just like you can't help.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: Actually, Vic, I want to apologize. I have unnecessarily attacked you,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: and I just did it to impress Ash.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: I'm used to it.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: It's the first time the last.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: But I think you're right, right.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: You are right, you are.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Right, and and I have just remembered something that I
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: do now well.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: Constructed sentence, go carry on.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you for asking. So I was waiting for so
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: popping out coming on ten months and it had been
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: such a long time since having a young child.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: Would you call her a toddler?
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: No, actually I called her. I called her a toddler.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Everyone was like, shut the fuck up, don't age it.
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: Know.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, what do you call the baby? Still?
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: She's a baby.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: She's a baby still. And so I have Poppy on Fridays.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: And it's such a good dad.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: Got it.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: I would love Dan to have a date with kids,
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: just one day. It's I think what you're doing is
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: really good.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: It's such a good day.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. I was surprised at how much
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: you struggle as a parent. Well I do anyway, trying
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: to play engage with your children when they're baby aged
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: like six months, seven months, I'm like, what, how are
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: people playing.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: With their kids?
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I was like I had a football and I
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: was like, I was like frisbee. I was like, what
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: are you how do we because she has awake windows right,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: she has you know, like she's up for three hours.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, three hours. You know you're
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: going to have some food, right, and then a bit
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: of tummy time. She's got a couple of toys. And
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: then after that, I was like, okay, we've got two
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: and a half hours to go. I was like, what
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: are we gonna what are we going to do here?
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: How are we going to play?
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: Two and a half hour a long time?
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like and I'm here, like, you know,
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: this is my time to like really build the relationship
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: with my daughter. So I'm like, I want to be
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: doing something that.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: She's loving doing so easy.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: And it's really hard.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: After ten minutes, I'm like I don't.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's well, our attention spans are so
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: bad now that we're just like the phone is calling.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I know how if you're if you have a child
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: that is under twelve months, what are you playing with them?
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: TV?
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: Pekaboo?
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: She she loves a bit of pekaboo.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: Every kid loves peka. But that's my trick as a photographer,
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: literally like a hide behind the camera. You could go
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: for as long as you want.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: I hide behind the couch.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Pickaboo sometimes something that we're like we kind of She'll
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: be crawling and I'll hide and I'll come and get her.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: And even that's it's it's exhausting. It's exhausting. Man.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: I don't have that. Some people are really really good
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: at it, and props to those people. I know me.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: I am not good at that. I don't honestly. I'm
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: like two minutes and I'm like, is this We're good?
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: But then the hard thing is when you've got that,
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I've got that one day where I really have that
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: one on one time. So you're like, there's a lot
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: of pressure to really have these beautiful moments from like
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: my last timmer, going to have a baby, so I
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: really want to make sure that I'm making the most
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: out of all these moments. And Poppy's like, are you
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: into this?
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Poppy? Are you? Are you?
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Are you liking this? A M I doing a good job. Again,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: give me one, She's like, God, give me something else.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: You're someone original, gets something you get?
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: What about something different?
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: What else you got?
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Doing this for an hour swimming lesson baby sensory class?
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Do you know what my favorite time with Poppy is
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: When she's asleep. Is good when they can't control the limbs.
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: You get me, Do you get in the bathroom?
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I'll put the speedoes on and jump in
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: with her. I reckoncause I reckon. It's weird being maked.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: I'd go budgies too. I think.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: Dan doesn't bath, so I don't know.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: He's not a bath at all. I'm not a big
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: bath guy. But I can't get it because it's great.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: It's just great to have something that she just loves.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: She loves the water, she loves the toys and like
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: so it's the easiest environment I think to play with
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: the baby.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: How many bathes pop Me had today, I don't know.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: We just leave in the bath right now. Yeah. She
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: wakes up a nine o'clock and I'm like, well, six
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: hours in the bathrooms?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Do I feel like? You just put them on one
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: of those swingy things And.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: He's like, I've you got those jumping jolly.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I don't have that so they can move around people?
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was I remember Oscar was obsessed
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: with his because he was all of a sudden he
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: was mobile. And if she's really wriggly. Oh she's quick now,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: because Macy was always like.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: I don't want to move, get a jumping jolly thing.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: It's entertainment for you and for them.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I heard that they're like really dangerous everything. Am I
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: making that up? It's like the drop down cot. I
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: was like, hey, we're the drop down cots and everyone's like.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: Oh they technically everything's don't They like, they.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Don't do it anymore because it's too dangerous. They apparently
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: like you should get her.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: A pit bull.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: You just need a door frame so you can hook
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: it over.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, or you get one of the ones with the
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: wheels and they move around and there's no there's no
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: danger there unless they're like a bumper car. Unless they
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: get out on the.
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: Road, go around, go around me in.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: Spinning the thing and yeah, hey, actually need to get
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: out of here. But a little message to all the
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: parents out there.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, stay safe out there, guys. School Holidays is upon
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: us and it's dangerous. There's kids everywhere. They meant to
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: be in school, but they're not.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: This is the hardest moment I think of being a
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: parent right now. Today is going to come around, so
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I know, before we know it'll be Christmas.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Shut up.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Want to punch myself in the throat for saying.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: That I hate Christmas and I hate Christmas Holidays because
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: it's so long.
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: Christmas in July.
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: Finance, Bros. Christmas, but you're.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Hanging their parents. You doing a great job. Not long ago.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: The kids will be back at school. Yes, yes.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please there's a review subscribe
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: five stars. Whatever.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: Next episode will the housekeeping on Monday, and if you
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: miss us before then, you can find us on social
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: media at Two Doting Dads on TikTok on Instagram. There's
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: a Facebook group and YouTube both shorts and long Yeah
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: good Bye. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: and community.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island,
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: the people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land