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Christlikeness Despite Circumstance, Pain, Grief, and Trials · Choosing Jesus

• 0:09
  Christina: I keep choosing Jesus. Hi, friends. Welcome back to the Choosing Jesus podcast. I'm your host, Wamfler, and I'm so grateful that you're here with us today. In this week's episode, we're actually a little less lighthearted than normal.
• 0:28
  It's... There's always hope and lightheartedness in Christ, but we're actually gonna talk a little bit about just letting God form us into Christlikeness regardless of our earthly circumstances. So just talking a little bit more about the real pain, grief, sorrow, hardships of life and how to be shaped into Christlikeness through those. We have a God of redemption. We have a God of hope.
• 0:49
  So the story doesn't end with our pain, but how do we honor the Lord in that and let us... Let Him form us more into Christ. So that's the question we're pondering as we head in. How do we let God form us more into Christlikeness through or even in spite of our circumstances on earth? So let us enter in.
• 1:10
  I pray the Lord really touches your heart and meets you in this episode, especially if you are currently walking through something that is a bit more difficult. You are seen, God hears you, God hears your prayers and He is not leaving you there. So let's go. Hello. I'm gonna be real.
• 1:25
  I don't know how much you can see of me, but I am a little bit per... Like, cuter up for up top, comfy, cozy on the bottom. And so I need to just... I don't know. I need to clear the air.
• 1:40
  If you can't see me, I've outed myself. But if you can see me, I'm acknowledging what is true, which is I am wearing sweatpants. But I'm also wearing this cute little sweater thing. So that's my balance. That's what balance looks like for me today.
• 1:56
  Hi, I'm so excited. I say it so much. I'm sorry. It's just so sweet to get to talk to the Lord and know that eventually when this is released, it will hopefully connect with someone and that's really exciting. So welcome back.
• 2:09
  We're gonna talk today about... We're gonna talk about Christlikeness, I believe. And I really desire a sip of tea first. One moment. Hallelujah.
• 2:26
  Christlikeness. What does it mean to be like Christ? Holy, hopefully. God is all things good. Jesus was all things good.
• 2:36
  And we know that. We know that He was the God of comfort. Like the Holy Spirit is our comfort, but He's the God of comfort. He was the God of peace. He was the God of compassion.
• 2:43
  He was the God of humility. I referenced that in a episode before where I was talking about having the mind of Christ and what that's supposed to look like. And it was actually in reference to humility. Like God was so humble and that is humbling to even think about. Because I'm like, I can't even...
• 2:59
  I can pray for humility, but I'm a human and I fall very short. And it's just the more you follow the Lord, the uglier you realize the inside of your heart can be. And scripture does tell us out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And so actually that's an interesting way to know where my heart is at sometimes. Cause I'm like, what's my thought life?
• 3:21
  Am I like mad or frustrated or bitter or just disappointed or angry or whatever? How am I feeling? You can be angry and not sin. So not anger is not necessarily sin and not every feeling is a sin, but it's like, are those things coming out of me? Like that's, what's in my heart.
• 3:34
  Like I need to get to the root of that because that's what's festering in my heart and now coming out, which is not cute. So I need to figure that out. But with Christlikeness, He is so good and partners with us to make us more like Him. I just, took a class and we had to do a lot of different spiritual disciplines for it, which I love. I'm...
• 4:00
  I love a good spiritual discipline. I love a good rhythm. I love a good... There's Sabbath. There's silence.
• 4:06
  There's solitude. There's fasting. There's prayer, there's meditating on the word, whatever fill in the blank. I would have to think of the other ones that maybe we were required to for that class. But what I took away from every paper, everything that I did, I had done before, but when I had to like do it, reflect on it, write a paper on it.
• 4:22
  I had to fast from a media, like I had fasted from media, fasted from food, like different things, which I had done. But I was like, I felt like a broken record because every time I went to write my paper, had to write about the experience and what did the Lord teach us? And every single thing after I was like, God wants us to be like Christ. God wants us to be Christlike. God cares about us turning into Christ.
• 4:43
  Like be like Christ, be disciples of Christ. And what I mean by that is He's after our Christlikeness because He knows the more we're like Christ, the more life to be found. And that is just so beautiful to me. God wants us to be like Christ because He loves us and wants us to enter into the fullness of eternity now. Eternity starts now.
• 5:11
  We are... The kingdom begins now. We get to bring the kingdom now, which is why we are holy and set apart from the earth that is happening now. Because we're like, hey, I actually already... I know that there's an eternity coming where these things are true that I talk about a lot.
• 5:29
  No more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears, peace abounds, all these things. And with holy spirit dwelling within us, we get to enter into those things now, even just moment by moment. And of course we don't live. We're not in eternity yet. So the fullness of eternity yet.
• 5:44
  So we don't get to have no pain yet. Hello, ouch, this world. We don't get to have no brokenness. We don't get to have no sorrow. We don't get to have no tears yet, but there's a day coming where that is going to be the case.
• 5:55
  And we get to live like it because we know, Cause we know that. Because we've been let in on the secret because of scripture, which is so beautiful. And one of my... I was saying I've heard, my professors have said it, but, like, get into the word so it gets into you. Get into the word so it gets into you.
• 6:14
  So if you're like, I don't even know about this eternity thing. I don't even know about this heaven. Heaven is at hand. The kingdom is at hand. What was Jesus even talking about?
• 6:21
  What was he even saying? First of all, we'll never fully understand. But the more we dive into the word, the more we can see the kingdom to come and understand and try to set our minds on it as Paul tells us to and like all these different things. You're here, you're listening to this podcast. You're seeking the Lord.
• 6:40
  Amen. I'm here with you. So let's go to Revelation because I wanna just read a little bit over that. If like, I don't even know where to go for that. Where does it talk about the kingdom?
• 6:48
  Lots of places. I mean, it starts in the Garden Of Eden, which we will return to, I think. But Eden was God's ideal for us and then sin entered the picture. And so I think just knowing that Eden like no shame, holy union, full union with God that was broken apart by sin is to be returned to and restored one day. Like we get to like, Eden will be restored.
• 7:16
  Like how exciting. So if you read the beginning of Genesis, you know what Eden looks like. Revelation is that coming together. I almost just showed something. I actually don't think I really can.
• 7:27
  In the back of my Bible, I just have stickers that mean a lot, but a lot of them are places I've worked, which I'm gonna be a little more on the DL about. So I probably won't show that, but they're really cute. Or students have given me stickers. It makes my heart so happy. I didn't think it'd be a sticker in my Bible kind of girl, but it's really like representative of the seasons I've lived through, if that makes sense.
• 7:42
  Like, I'm like, oh, I've worked at this place or like, I had this student that they gave me this sticker. So I'm definitely a bit sentimental if I am honest. Oh, I might still book that. Okay. We're on our way to Revelation.
• 7:55
  If you do not know, Revelation is the very last book of scripture and it is written by John the apostle on the Island Of Patmos. I can't remember why he's there. I don't really know. I don't have all the answers, but it's a good book. And in verse 21, I believe, Oh my gosh.
• 8:22
  Well, I just definitely have to read that part. I I just could go off about this. I'm so excited. Okay. If you wanna know any more about...
• 8:29
  If you have not read Revelation by chance and you wanna know about the holiness of God or how worthy to be feared in a beautiful way our God is, head to Revelation. Head to Revelation. It's super confusing, but also super beautiful. So that's what I would say about it. But yes.
• 8:51
  Yes. Okay. We're gonna start verse 21. Sorry. Chapter 21 verse one in Revelation.
• 8:57
  It says, then this is a prophecy from John the apostle. So this is the vision that he's seen and it is revelation from the Lord. And He's prophesying what He has seen and what is to come. So that is what we're entering into. It says, Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and the sea was no more.
• 9:22
  And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be His people. And God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eye and death shall be no more.
• 9:49
  Neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore for the former things have passed away. And he who is seated on the throne said, behold, I am making all things new. Also, said, write this down for these words are trustworthy and true. And he said to me, it is done. I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end.
• 10:15
  To the thirsty, I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. It does go on to wrath, so I might have to keep reading to not be cowardly, if I'm honest. I'm scared. The the one who conquers will have this heritage and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as the...
• 10:34
  For the one... But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for the murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death. I don't wanna stray away from any part of scripture, so I I read that. But what I do wanna focus on frankly is the new Jerusalem and getting to enter into that because we can choose Jesus. Right now, you can choose Jesus and enter into heaven because we just need to believe in our hearts, declare with our mouths, invite Holy Spirit into our heart, and we get to live in that and hopefully get baptized in water because that also is scriptural.
• 11:13
  But that we don't... We're not here to say who's going to heaven, who's not. But we do know scripturally things that bring eternity into our hearts and into our lives. But what I wanna focus on today, honestly, is that we get to enter into that eternity now. Like, he is our God and we know...
• 11:33
  He said, behold, I am making all things new. Like, everything will be made new one day. Like, he's a God of restoration. And if we don't have an eternal mindset, you can just... It's just so easy.
• 11:43
  I fall I fall into it all the time of just living in like a disappointed, like, I can't believe this thing happened to me. Like, I can't believe this circumstance landed the way it did or this thing happened or x y z fill in the blank. Whatever your disappointment is, like, God sees you in that. I am not diminishing that disappointment. I am not saying that that is not painful.
• 12:02
  I am not saying that that is not something to be mourned and grieved. And I think I do wanna be careful because I know I can be super cheerful sometimes. I get so excited. I'm very excitable. It's just kind of how I am.
• 12:17
  I don't wanna actually stray away though from the fact that like we walk through hard things in this life and it is painful and it is hurtful and we need to grieve. And we need to grieve healthfully and we need to mourn. And there are very real things that happen that are so painful on this earth that we should never just be like, but he's making all things new so we're moving on. No. That is biblically true, but God is also a God of compassion who enters in with us as we mourn, grieve, whatever else.
• 12:47
  We do not need to brush past. We also don't need to sit in our victimhood longer than necessary, but we don't need to brush past the very real healing that the Lord is doing in our hearts. What I love about our God is He can heal in an instant and healing can be a super, super, super long journey or both. And I tell him that a lot because there are certain things that I walk through where I'm like, Lord, I'm not ready. I'm not ready for X, Y, or Z.
• 13:16
  And my heart hurts. And I'm like devastated over X, Y, or Z. And then I'm like, but I also know you could heal me in an instant right now. And I believe Lord Jesus, that you are healer. You are healer.
• 13:26
  So you can heal me right now if you wanted, or this could be for the next five years, I could carry this pain and that's okay too. And I think that that's both, it's both can be true. And I think that's important to hold because sometimes I'm like, is this just a limp I'll have to walk with forever? And I'm like, honestly, so what? He will make it new one day.
• 13:42
  But also, ouch. Like, this hurts. Like, will this go away? I don't know. Do I just have to learn how to live with this hurt, this pain, this sorrow, whatever it is?
• 13:52
  Is this my story? And like, even the things that do shape our story, like, of course, they're very real things that are just shaping. Like there's be... No, like not BC, but like before x y z event and there's after. And like, that's very real, like truly.
• 14:06
  But I also think it's really important to not define ourselves by those things more than we feel we need to. Because in reality, even in my hardest things that I've walked through that have been so painful. Sorry. Was thinking about them. So painful.
• 14:23
  Like, I like... It it was like, you know, you're just like, can I wake up tomorrow? Can I eat any food? I don't know. Can I I?
• 14:31
  No. I I, you know, I made myself eat oatmeal while my tears fell into the bowl. Like I... Those types of pains that happen in our lives, whatever they look like, we don't diminish that. But I knew God is gonna pull me through.
• 14:45
  I just saw the cheesiest thing that was true, and I believe it. It was like hope spelled out. And it was like, hold on, pain ends. And I'm serious. I'm so sorry for whatever pain may be arising as you hear this or think of this.
• 15:00
  But in Christ, first of all, there's no greater pain than the betrayal Jesus must have felt from every loved one he had on earth betrayed. Like so many of them, not every single one, I guess, technically betrayed Him. Some were still waiting at the cross and watching it happen. But the betrayal of so many people that loved Him on earth, taking on the weight of the sin of the world being pierced for our transgressions, sweating drops of blood before he even went to the cross because of the anticipation of what he was going to carry, dying on the cross, taking that... Like, taking the cup, like, for our sins, hanging by nails on a cross.
• 15:43
  Once I start to consider the cross truly, it does not mean there's no... Doesn't mean I didn't experience pain as well. Doesn't mean I'm not disappointed. Doesn't mean whatever. But I'm like, God, actually, if I look to you...
• 15:57
  And I think that when we see people who love the Lord walk through crazy things, you're like, how are you standing? I have had people say that. They're like, with what you walk through, like, how are you standing? That... People ask me that.
• 16:06
  How are you standing? How are you fine? How are you okay? How are you alive? Like, and I was like, the grace of the Lord.
• 16:12
  I don't know. Like I... And that doesn't mean it was not extremely difficult, but I have watched the Lord show up in ways and carry me through because He hasn't left my mind. I know He's with me. He is God with us.
• 16:26
  He is Emmanuel. I know He never left me even though you can be so confused, so disappointed, so disheartened He carries us through. And if we're considering Him and the work He already did on our behalf, He's with us in our pain. Like He has endured a much greater pain and suffering and there's redemption in Him. Like, He will redeem.
• 16:51
  And I say all this because when we think redemption, you think what was lost will be exactly replaced, but better maybe. And in Jesus' name, I hope that happens. Like, it's godly and a beautiful desire from the Lord, like, yes. And there are certain things that are just obviously things that the Lord would want to redeem. But then there is these things where it's like, it might not be redeemed on earth.
• 17:10
  And I actually just have a hope deep, deep, deep in my chest and a knowledge that even that thing that was so painful, as I look to Christ, I know when I enter heaven and I understand, I see any fullness of the glory that even is spoken about in Revelation, I'm not gonna care anymore. I'm not gonna care anymore. And I don't know theologically if we can even, I was asking a friend about this, a very, very, very wise friend about this the other day. So I was like, when we're in heaven, we remember earth? Like, will we even look back and care about the pain at all?
• 17:46
  Like, will we whatever? And like, it was a very beautiful conversation and just very enlightening and fascinating, but also like, who knows? But I was like, I'm not going to think about what I lack. Are you kidding me? And if you have ever had one of those moments in worship where you're like, Lord, I don't care.
• 18:03
  Have it all. Literally, I surrender all. Like those moments where you're like, I actually lack nothing. Like actually in Christ right now, I lack nothing. And I've watched people worship through terrible, crazy circumstances in their life.
• 18:14
  And I can tell they lack nothing right now. Even on the hardest day, they lack nothing in this moment. And that moment of lacking nothing and looking towards the Lord is the most real thing we have to hold onto. And it's the reason I have the hope that I have. It's the reason that people have watched me walk through X, Y, Z in the ways that they have.
• 18:34
  Because when we look to the Lord, I confidently know when I see Christ face to face, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be started on the song Cornerstone. That is, I love that song so much. But it says, dressed in His righteousness alone. So we're dressed in Christ's righteousness, faultless will stand before the throne. Because when Christ died, He took on our righteous.
• 18:57
  He took our righteousness, which was not very righteous. And we got to take on His righteousness. So He took what we deserved by getting killed on the cross and gave us His righteousness to put on. So when Christ looks... When God looks at us, He sees Christ's righteousness.
• 19:10
  I keep talking about it because are you kidding me? That's the best news I've ever heard in my entire life. When I'm faultlessly standing before the Lord, I cannot imagine anything but an awareness of his holiness, his goodness. Like, we are just going to be in awe of the Lord. We are going to be crying out in ways we've never heard ourselves cry out and probably in worship of just holiness.
• 19:37
  I don't think I'm gonna be like, hey, God, now that I'm here in the holy promised land where everything is made right, I kind of feel, no, you're not going to feel that lack. How do we, honestly, the question might be like, how do we hold the weight of the thing that really hurt us or that we had to walk through that has been very painful for very legitimate reasons? And how do we continue to work through that healthily in a way with the Lord or counselors? Hello, counseling. Like I very much think biblical account, like we need people to walk us through that know us well.
• 20:12
  So community get people in that solve the circumstances. Know you, know your heart, know your heart for the Lord, know how you walk, have grace for you, love you, or cheering for you. A counselor if needed, like what a therapist, whatever. But also like surrend... Like, work through it healthily with the Lord and, like, desire to be okay.
• 20:31
  And that's the that's, I think, the difference is... And I'm like, just... There have been times where I have been walking through something and I'm like, I don't even want to be out of this pain and like suffering. Like, I don't even care. Like, I don't even desire to be okay.
• 20:44
  Like, I don't care. And that's like a scary place to be and God's really gracious in that. But I think I'm more talking to the person that like is aware that they hope to like be okay one day. And it's like, I am like, God is with you and He is pulling you even by grains of sand amounts towards Him and towards just hope in Him for this, these promises that are coming. And so we must, continue to just set our sights towards eternity, but also enter into eternity now.
• 21:16
  And that's how we have those moments of worship where we're like, I lack nothing. That's how we can have conversations that people are like, what are you taught? Like, this doesn't make sense based on what you've walked through or like whatever. And it's like, I don't even know, but I'm like setting my mind towards Christ. I'm setting on my mind on things that are above.
• 21:30
  And this I'm hoping for this. I'm believing for this. I'm trusting in the character of God. It's really also, I will say, if you don't know the character of God or you feel uncertain or you've tacked onto the Lord characteristics that aren't from Him that you're not aware. Like if you have this looming, you feel like anger that you're like, God is angry at me for this thing.
• 21:53
  That's not from the Lord. That is not of the Lord. No condemnation or shame will be coming from anything that the Lord has given. Like, is a gracious God and His mercies are new for you every single morning. So those are not the Lord.
• 22:05
  So don't make sure we're not attaching things from other people that were scarred from, you know, potentially attaching those onto the Lord. But if you know the character of God, how do we know the character of God? We spend time in the word. We spend time in prayer. We spend time in worship.
• 22:18
  We spend time with people who know Him and remind us of His characteristics. And we like believe like any person who loves you, God loves you infinitely more. Any person who you've been comforted by. I love that verse. I think it's in first Corinthians.
• 22:33
  I don't know. He is the God of all comfort. So anyone you've been comforted by, you're a security person. You're like, oh my gosh, I'm so comforted. God can comfort you and has comforted you and send that person to comfort you.
• 22:46
  However, potentially depending on who it is, but that much more eternally more. Okay. So there are anything that has felt pure and lovely and holy and comforting and encouraging and lovely is of the Lord times eternity. Like, He is eternally more that. And I think it can be hard.
• 23:07
  Actually, yeah, I've I've talked about this before, but we can just... Things we desire from people like the Lord has in abundance for us. And He can send us people who bring us those things. But if I'm like, oh, like if I need encouragement, I go to this friend. And it's like, honestly, are beautiful friends for that.
• 23:21
  That's not an inherently a bad thing. But actually God is like even more of an encourager. Or I really need comfort. Maybe I go to this thing or this person or whatever, even pure, like holy comforts. Like that's okay.
• 23:35
  But like actually like the Lord is what you need. Like the Lord, like even someone who's great influence, wonderful person brings you comfort, but it's like, but the Lord brings you that much. Like, He would bring more. Like, so I think believing the character of God is better than anyone we know times infinity, more comforting, more caring, knows us better. I am reminded.
• 23:56
  I'm gonna botch it. But there is a Timothy Keller quote that is like to be known and not... To be loved but not known is superficial. To be... This is a botch.
• 24:14
  But to be known and not loved is super... To be loved but not known is superficial. To be loved but not... I'm so humbled right now. To be known and not loved is our biggest fear, but to be known and loved is Christ love.
• 24:36
  Like He knows us fully. He's the only person. Whoever knows you best, Christ knows you better than you know yourself. And so God knows us better than we know ourselves. So when we think about that, in light of that, we will turn to Him differently.
• 24:51
  We will turn to Him differently. And there's grace for all of this, but I just wanna encourage the person who is unsure about how God feels towards them right now. Like he's always prodigal son. Once again, he's always waiting with his arms wide open, waiting for us to run back to Him. We don't need to rehearse a speech as to how sorry we are.
• 25:10
  He knows our heart. If we have a heart of repentance, if we want to return to His ways, we must confidently go to the Lord. We can bring anything to Him. He already knows every word before it's on our tongue. Why would we, who shall we fear?
• 25:27
  Why should we fear? He already knows. Every worst thought we've had, He already knows. That should be a comfort. And so this is not to diminish the pain you're walking through.
• 25:38
  And I encourage you if you have walked through something really hard and you haven't opened up or you haven't gotten the help you needed, or you even feel shame or different things because it's taken a long time to heal. Like have grace for yourself. God has grace for you. But I just encourage you to share with somebody, reach out to a friend, whatever. And depending on what you're walking through, a lot of people, it's just hard.
• 25:59
  We all have our own lives going on. And I've been the friend who is like, I should have touched base with that person more. I should have reached out more. But we're all walking through our own things. And so it's okay to say, Hey, that thing I walked through X amount of time ago, I'm actually still really struggling with, or it really still affects me in these ways.
• 26:16
  Find godly people that love you and want to talk those things through with you, and point you to the hope of Christ, but also just our listening ear. And, that's okay too. I think anything weighty might like just general advice is always to ask if someone has capacity for what we might be bringing, because we wanna honor people in that too. But it's just really important to share and carry each other's burdens, and walk alongside each other as we just walk in this... On this earth before full...
• 26:49
  The fullness of eternity comes to dwell. And I'm so excited for that day, but that doesn't diminish the pain that we've had to walk through on this side of eternity. So I wanna, like, make sure I we see each other in that as well. And I think that's so one of the most beautiful things about Christian community. When you get to worship next to people that you know what they've walked through and it's like very, very real, it hits different.
• 27:15
  It really hits different. And that's why I just encourage rich community because you have to have acquaintances. You have to have people that you just, you know, you know from church, whatever else. But when you can worship next to people, and like I was saying a little bit earlier, but like look to the side and I can be like, they walked through X this year and they're here worshiping next to me. Or they had this hardship and they're just worshiping next to me.
• 27:38
  Like, it is such a deeper thing than just not knowing who you're surrounded by and just like being in your own world. Like it is it is it is the body of Christ. It is beautiful. So I just get encouraged when I think of that level of understanding what God can do. Because what I'm seeing too is like, they walk through that and they're here and they're okay.
• 28:00
  Like God heals. God cares. And that doesn't mean we don't still ebb and flow and have hard times, but he is just so with us. And grace for yourself. That's the other thing.
• 28:12
  Know I was talking about healing a bit, but there are times where you're fine for six months and then something hits you and you're like, I've relapsed. I didn't heal. Oh my goodness. You probably did heal a lot, but grief is... Or sorrow, pain, different things.
• 28:26
  Like it's not linear necessarily. And that doesn't mean you've derailed everything the Lord has done. I've fallen into that before where I'm like, oh my gosh, I still struggle with that fear or that thing. And it's like, maybe, but also, no, don't diminish what the Lord already did and believe for that and honor where you're at at the moment probably. And just acknowledge, Lord, I feel this way.
• 28:46
  I really am scared. I don't want to feel this way. I thought I worked through this. I thought I surrendered this to you. I thought that I whatever.
• 28:52
  Like, you gotta have grace for yourself as well because we're just human. And we're all just like stumbling towards this eternity that we're talking about, doing the best we can along the way, hopefully loving each other well along the way. Hopefully honoring one another along the way. And so it's okay, but we have to just remember where we're headed to. And I do, I do really believe.
• 29:15
  And I just, I don't mean to say this too lightly, but like, I do believe as we look to Christ, all else can fade away. And it's, that's what the beauty of like Christian meditation is like, meaning like meditating on scripture, meditating on the character of God. Like we're not emptying ourselves to be filled with anything but Jesus, like more of the Lord. Like if I... And that's what worship is to me.
• 29:37
  Like, I think there's just a beautiful emptying of ourselves to be filled up with the Lord. And that's kind of just what I mean is like, I don't know. I used to be scared of the word meditation because I didn't understand. It was like, no scripturally, like we're called to meditate on the word. Like we're called to meditate on the things of the Lord.
• 29:51
  So it is okay to meditate. But it's the emptying of self and the filling up of things of the Lord. And that is just how I view worship too, where it's like, I don't know what I brought in today, but I am laying these things down and I'm picking up whatever kingdom thing is in front of me right then and whatever thing points to the Lord. So Jesus, you're so good. You're so worthy to be praised and You're healing us and You love us.
• 30:19
  And there are things that I know I mentioned it, but will not be healed on this side of eternity fully. We know that we see that. That could even be a physical thing. Like I pray for physical healing over something every very often, for myself and for people I know and love. It's like certain things we're just going to carry in this life.
• 30:36
  It's a broken world. It is totally fine, but we have a God who heals. And so we get to hope for that. We get to put our hope in that and believe for that. And like what I'd love to be not on this medication every single day, for the rest of my life in Jesus' name.
• 30:48
  I would love to not. I would love to not. Please heal me. I don't wanna struggle with these symptoms of this thing that I have. I want to be able to even teach in the ways that like I feel called to teach.
• 30:59
  Like, I just wanna have the energy you have for me. And I want to like enter into these things that I know are repercussions from this thing. And it's like, that's... But also if this is the burden I bear, like, okay. Like, that's okay.
• 31:11
  Like, He'll carry me. He will call me the things He calls me to, He will equip me for. I believe that. And I don't know if I've said it before, so I'm gonna say it slower. I believe that what He calls us to, He will equip us for and give us capacity for.
• 31:24
  So it's that both end. I'm like, Lord, I also still pray for healing. I'd love to not be so tired when I'm teaching or whatever it is, at any given time. So thank you, Lord. But we just get to look to Him, the author and perfecter of our faith, who is God is perfecting us into Christlikeness and bringing us into kingdom eternal perspective along the way.
• 31:49
  Because you know, that's where we enter into the fullness of life now. And that is what's so beautiful and important because there are... It's other worldly. The joy that people can have, the peace that people can have, the way that people can walk through things is other worldly because we aren't living for this world. We are living for the one to come.
• 32:10
  And we are pointing people to it through our lives, through our actions and reactions, through our choosing to be Christlikeness or not Christlikeness in any given circumstance or situation. And God is helping us out along the way by making us like Christ and blessing us in that. So I'm pretty sure I started this whole thing talking about different spiritual disciplines and rhythms. This might be an invitation to fast over something that you feel like you can't break free from or can't can't move on from. Or this might be the invitation to absolutely not fast.
• 32:41
  Cause I know I've been in places where I'm so down bad that I am like, it takes everything you need to eat. You're probably not the person that should fast right but you might need to do that. You might need to just get away in a safe place and have a half day retreat and just sit with the Lord or day with a day retreat, or you know yourself a week retreat. I don't know, but retreat or, just these different things. Not to add another thing to your plate, but to in fact, re center our scattered senses upon the presence of God to fully understand better.
• 33:10
  And I really feel this weight as I'm talking about this. Like I... We're not... I'm not diminishing pain on this earth. I'm not diminishing sorrow, grief, heartache, disappointment, devastation that may have occurred.
• 33:22
  But in reality, God is bigger. God is a redeemer. We must believe for that to have hope, to make it through this life. I don't really understand how people do it without Jesus, if I'm honest. I'm like, what is your hope in?
• 33:35
  Like, how are you... What? I don't want it. No offense. But like, what?
• 33:39
  How are you good? Like, you know, like how are you making it through? Because this is a very hard world. It's a broken world. So thank you Jesus for being our hope, for dying on the cross, for giving us your likeness being...
• 33:52
  And Lord, the Lord made us in His image and then Christ gives us His righteousness to put on. I won't shut up about it. It's such good news that we can look to. And so take it to the Lord. Lord, I don't see, I'm having a hard time seeing the cross as good news right now.
• 34:09
  Help. Lord help. Oh my gosh. There was there was a time where I was like, which scripture says, Lord help? I need to just repeat that one.
• 34:17
  Two words in a prayer. And I did find it in scripture. I think it's the woman whose daughter I think it's the woman whose daughter, has a demon, but it's like, Lord help. That's a prayer. I I think there's like two places it's in scripture, but Lord help.
• 34:33
  I pray that so often, especially I used to more. I was like, Lord help. Like, I can't, I cannot. Lord help. Like, I need you.
• 34:43
  And I'm not gonna lie. Whatever circumstance brings you to desperation for Jesus and nearness proximity to Christ, like, might we see it as a blessing? Like, I am hating to be that person right now, but like, might we see it as a blessing? And anything that draws us to the Lord brings us near. I think about the circumstances I've walked through, but I also think about the circumstances before that that were very, very difficult as well in a different way.
• 35:11
  And I was so in so much pain emotionally that I was so... I was just crying out to the Lord in such a way. And when I came out the other side, was like, praise God. I was very grateful for a while there. And I still am, but like, it was just like, people are are you fine?
• 35:28
  I was like, I'm so grateful. They were like, are you okay? Because it didn't make sense. But I was near to the Lord in that. And I don't think the Lord sent me those very difficult painful things to bring me near to Him necessarily, but it brought me near to the Lord.
• 35:45
  And for that I rejoice. And for that I rejoice. Because there is no greater gift than being near to the Lord than knowing further how much I need the Lord. And knowing the gift of knowing this life isn't it, what a gift. The gift of knowing I'm headed towards an eternal goal.
• 36:05
  So this thing doesn't ultimately matter because in Christ, the battle's won or the pain is gone or will be one day. That is what matters. That that's it. And so how do we make the most of what we're walking through? How do we make the most of the pain we're suffering in?
• 36:23
  How do we in our suffering? And I mean, Job has come up for me in this time and maybe you need to go read Job 42 chapters. I think it's 42 of pain. Like so many, so much pain. And I won't get into theology of Job because it's also like, but God let it happen and dah dah dah.
• 36:40
  So I'm not saying the Lord lets or doesn't... The Lord allows everything that happens on earth to happen because we're in a broken world and sin has entered the picture. So sinful things happen, broken things happen, hurtful things happen, terrible things happen that yes, the Lord allows because He gave us free will. So in free will, people are making terrible choices. Myself included sometimes depending on the circumstance.
• 37:01
  So yes, but how does the Lord turn it for good? How does the Lord redeem it? And He is. He's a redeeming God. So how do I believe for that?
• 37:12
  How do I say, Lord help again? Like, Lord help me today. I want to be okay. I want to have hope. Like he receives all these prayers and it's just not one of them that goes wasted.
• 37:26
  Like he hears your prayers. He hears us. Wait, was that in this? Wouldn't you know? Right here.
• 37:33
  Psalm five, I opened to it. But... And I don't think this is like a Psalm of lament by any means, but I had it open and I read it and I was like, wait, I actually might need to talk about that. In verse three, it says, in the morning, Lord, you hear my voice. That might be all I need to read.
• 37:47
  You hear my voice. This is a Psalm of David. In the morning, I lay my request before you and wait expectantly. In verse seven, says, but I, by your great love, can come into your house in reverence. I bow down toward your holy temple.
• 38:09
  Hallelujah. But you hear my voice. I think that's what God wants to say today. Like, He hears you. He hears our prayers and the prayers of a righteous person, the prayers of a person who love and is seeking the Lord, He is attuned to.
• 38:23
  Like, He is attuned to. And if you read Job by chance, if you have read Job by chance, Job does not curse the Lord. Job curses the day he was born. He curses so many things. He does not curse the Lord and the Lord blesses him for his faithfulness.
• 38:43
  Job lost his wife, his kids, his land, his friend. He loses everything. His friends do kind of mourn with him well for seven days, silently sit with him, which is a beautiful thing to do. But then they start talking about what he must've done wrong to deserve cursing. Like that's the other thing.
• 38:58
  You did not... There are certain things that because of what the decisions we make, there are repercussions. Yes. But there's a lot of pain we have to endure in this life that we did nothing to deserve. And I just want you to know, like reading Job tells us that.
• 39:09
  Like Job did nothing wrong. He was faithful. And then the enemy was like, I wanna tempt him. And God was like, He's real faithful. Whatever.
• 39:16
  Like, have at it. But he's real faithful. He's choosing me. And God does bless him a double portion. I don't know how joyful that double portion was.
• 39:24
  When I think of some of the heartache I've walked through, I'm like, what would a double portion possibly look like, Lord? And I actually do feel it's really important to share. Yes, it's a little vague, but like some of what I'm talking about and I have walked through, because I'm not on the, I'm not in the exceedingly abundantly more yet. Okay. And so it's very interesting.
• 39:41
  I'm like, it's hard for me sometimes if I'm honest to fathom what exceedingly abundantly more would look like because of the pain endured in this certain situation. And it's like, but actually I hope for that because I have a really good God who can do literally anything. He can move mountains. So I actually have to believe for that. But also if He didn't do it on this side of eternity, I won't care once I'm there.
• 39:59
  So honestly, might I just be faithful with what He's given me today? Also, what a missed opportunity if I spend all my time staring at the thing I lost or staring at the pain I've endured instead of staring at the precious life in front of me. I know they're very insane, hard part, painful, all the things that we walk through. But if I focus on my loss and my lack, that's all I'll see. What you focus on matters.
• 40:27
  Like what you look for, you will find. Okay. So if I focus on the loss and lack and pain, I could still be sitting in it the same I did however long ago, all the time. That's not helpful. Like that's not ultimately helpful.
• 40:40
  And there is grace. Hear me say there's grace. But in reality, that is a disservice. I cannot believe the way God pulled me through for my students at that time. They they did not even know what was going on in my life.
• 40:54
  And I... Like, he gave me strength that just kept showing up, keep showing up. I have no idea how he did that. But I I was like, God, this has to be God because I'm okay enough to, like, giggle with my three year old students over these sweet things. Like, what do you mean?
• 41:12
  And there I... There's a quote that has really carried me a lot in this time, but it's like micro joys are how we survive macro grief. That is very real. And I watched that so tangibly in my life. I'm like, Lord, you carried me through in ways that made no sense.
• 41:30
  And this has to be enough. This has to be enough for me to be okay. I want to go on and honor You. Like how do I honor You Lord in this? And it's like, I, it's very hard to know what it's supposed to look like on any given day, but the gift of Him giving me the chance to not dwell on my pain, but in fact, look to others, look to the students, little three year old eyeballs looking up at me, needing a Ms.
• 42:03
  Christina, Ms. Catini. Sometimes they can't always say Ms. Christina. And it is the biggest joy of my life.
• 42:08
  Ms. Christina, Ms. Catini. Like I've gotten it all. Ms.
• 42:11
  Christina. I love them so dearly. I miss a lot of them that I don't have anymore. But, if I can't enter into that holy moment, we have a problem. Like I've missed the mark, but that doesn't dismiss the pain and grief and and sorrow and pain and joy and peace can coexist.
• 42:34
  And that's why I said, when I was talking about walking with a limp earlier, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm kind of like, is this just how I have to walk? Honestly, whatever. I'm kind of speed walking at this point. Like it's a little uncomfortable.
• 42:43
  It hurts sometimes. Sometimes I can forget about the pain actually, like, cause I was sitting or whatever. So it's like, there's grace, grief, grief and grace and all the things. But, I'm gonna share it. I had a student with my...
• 42:56
  Okay. So I worked at a high school and I, had students... I taught dance. Okay. But I had students...
• 43:01
  I had them do reflective questions at the end of the year and they were supposed to talk about a fellow student that they were inspired by that year. But this one student in her reflection questions spoke about how she was inspired by miss Wambler. And she knows who she is. And if you're listening, I adore you with everything I have. All those girls I love so much.
• 43:26
  Like, Laura is so kind. I'm gonna cry. I don't wanna cry. But she wrote, oh, there's a fire alarm going off, which means we must continue because God is cooking. And she wrote, I'm honestly just gonna keep going.
• 43:41
  I'm so sorry if that bothers you. But she wrote, I was really inspired by Ms. Swampler. Okay. Sorry.
• 43:47
  Backstory. The thing I walked through my high school students basically had to completely watch me walk through. And I shared with them because they were part of it, part of my life, a part of my story. I shared it with them in an appropriate way, in an appropriate level, as being their teacher. But I also spoke about how hard it was, but I also kept showing up for them because it was my job and also it felt really obedient.
• 44:11
  Like, I just kept showing up. And there were days where I wanted to be there more than anything. And there were days where I was like, this is very hard to bring myself to go to work just because anything, anytime you walk through something hard, know, eating, sleeping, going on a walk, going to work can be very huge tasks. They are not small things when you are in the depths of despair. That's a little dramatic.
• 44:29
  I'm okay. But it was very hard. And with that, I was honest