Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 92 - Behind the Screen: Part 1/6 - A Real Homeschool Day at My House (nobody's winning awards)

Transcript

Ep. 92 - Behind the Screen: Part 1/6 - A Real Homeschool Day at My House (nobody's winning awards) · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: I've never done a show like this before, but I need to have a heart to heart with you today because I've been struggling with my job. And don't get me wrong, I love love love love supporting you, and this is my calling. There is no doubt about it. In fact, it's more than my calling. I truly see the trajectory of my life and understand that everything I have done up into this point was for this moment now that has led me to helping you, to encourage you to take back and keep the hearts and minds of your kids and my kids too.
• 0:37
  But and please have grace with me here. When my first video went viral four years ago, it was crazy. I wasn't planning on this life at all. In under twenty four hours, literally, I went from being a stay at home homeschool mom who had left her career to be a woman with a full time calling. No warning at all.
• 1:00
  And it was all fast and furious. Within nine months, I had a publisher knocking on my door offering to publish a book that wasn't even written. And they said, we'll publish your book. What do you wanna write on? Literally, that was what happened.
• 1:10
  To which, of course, said, heck yeah. I'll write you a book. And that was homeschool rising right behind me, if you're watching me on YouTube. And since then, it's been four years of demands, deadlines, brand deals, book deals, and trying to figure out how to do all of this. And in a way where I can still be present in my current life and there for my husband and my kids.
• 1:30
  I try one thing, I realize it doesn't work. I try another thing, I realize I don't like doing that. And I think ultimately, the challenge has been for me to figure out how to be me and be me on social media. It's like, how do I do that but still maintain some level of privacy, right, for me, my family, and my kids? And here's where what I'm about to say is a little bit scary for me.
• 1:53
  I've been out of alignment on this for about a year now, And I've known it's a problem, but I haven't really known what to do about it until now. Hi. When I think of me and this calling and what I do, what always comes to mind is this book that I read in college called Flatland. It's a mathematical sci fi novel. I know.
• 2:11
  I know. You're already reaching for your phone to buy it. I had you at sci fi. I'm just kidding. But wait.
• 2:16
  I promise this is going somewhere. In the book Flatland, beings live in a two dimensional world, and they can only see each other as lines, flat, one dimensional. Even though all the characters are actually complex shapes. They're circles. They're squares.
• 2:30
  They're polygons. So all anyone can see though is like a single line. I'm probably totally not doing this justice, but go with me here. The fact is is that they were dimensional beings, but they weren't being seen as dimensional beings. The depth was actually there, but no one could see it.
• 2:45
  Now, the story goes really deep. And if you love this book, and I'm sure there's a cult following that I don't know about it, But it came to mind in terms of me and you. Me on the screen. Because that's how you know me. Me on social media, me on this podcast, and for reasons that I will explain in just a bit here, I have felt kind of forced into living as a two dimensional person to you all.
• 3:06
  And I really hate it. I feel like you and I are living in flatland together. And as my following has grown, I think last I checked, we were like at 400,000 followers across platforms, and my Thrive membership has grown like crazy, I've ingested what everyone in this influencer author and marketing space tells you. And this is what they tell you. Okay?
• 3:24
  Maybe you're in marketing and you know this. Let me know if you are. What they say over and over again is no one cares about you. Meaning not you, the listener. No one cares about Christy.
• 3:33
  The marketers tell you that all your listeners care about is what you can give them. So they say, never ever talk about yourself. You'll come off as selfish. Don't make anything about you. And there's truth to that.
• 3:44
  Right? Like, if I'm not serving your needs, you won't listen. I get that. And, of course, people are gonna leave, some of them, when you're not useful to them anymore. And, honestly, no hard feelings.
• 3:54
  That's kind of the way this works a little bit. And I don't wanna be where I'm not wanted, so it's a win win, honestly. But listen, I did exactly what the experts said. Don't talk about yourself, Christy. Just give the tips, the tactics, the how to's.
• 4:06
  Keep yourself out of it. Entertain them and be snarky. What you see is an educational expert, a homeschool specialist, and sometimes a video that makes you laugh, and you send it to all your friends, and you all have a good chuckle, and that's fun, and I love that. And that is real. That is a part of me.
• 4:22
  I genuinely love making this life fun, and I love helping you become the best homeschool parents that you can be. I get joy from it. But when you see me on social media, you're only seeing the line, the flat version, and it's not because I'm fake. Honestly, one compliment I get when people meet me in person is how I really am the same. Maybe they're surprised to hear that I'm a lot more contemplative and serious than they were expecting, but pretty much people are always saying, wow, you really are who you are.
• 4:48
  Because I'm not fake. I'm not an actress playing a role. This is me, my actual life. I'm a real homeschool mom with four kids trying to juggle it all just like you are. But social media and the algorithms, they only give us fifteen to thirty seconds.
• 5:02
  What can you possibly say in that time? It's so restrictive. So I say what fits. I give you the tips. I give you the encouragement.
• 5:08
  I give you the useful parts. I point you to all my free stuff so that you can get the learning and information that you need. But it's become a problem for me because I'm a real person with real problems, real kids, a real marriage. And I think about a lot of deep things. I ponder ideas, and I think about relationships a lot, community.
• 5:29
  And here's what I realized several months ago. Showing up flat and constantly thinking about what you need and giving it to you, it feels one-sided. And it drains me. I know. I'm sorry, but don't worry.
• 5:40
  This episode is gonna fix it. Okay? But I am I'm drained. And not only do I wanna keep helping you, but I wanna keep loving helping you. I believe in homeschooling.
• 5:50
  I believe in cycle breaking parenting. I believe in you so much that I wanna keep showing up. I wanna love this job. I wanna be excited to film my next video. I want this to be life giving, not soul draining.
• 6:04
  Can you guys relate to that at all? Do you have a job that feels like that? And I know I'm blessed because I'm able to do something about that. And so I feel really bad for those of you who are in positions where you can't do anything about it. So I had an epiphany about six months ago that I'm acting on now.
• 6:18
  Hi. This is the episode. I'm gonna say it loud and clear. I don't think the experts are right, and they're certainly not right about homeschooling moms. I don't actually think that's entirely what you want.
• 6:31
  Is it a hired actress for a brand? Someone who shows up with the perfect hook and some good editing and a tip, trick, and hack. I love those videos, by the way. They're so fun to make. I'll always be making those videos.
• 6:43
  And also, please always comment on those videos too because that's how a lot of women find the help that they need. They first download my curriculum recommendations or they download my how to homeschool guide. But k? This is a big but, a capital b u t. Is that really what we're building here?
• 6:58
  Is that what we want? Is that what we want with this podcast and in Thrive Homeschool Community? Because here's what I know, life is really complicated. I'm complicated. You're complicated.
• 7:09
  Life is hard. And maybe what we actually need isn't another tip or a new planner. Maybe what we all need here on this show is to know you're not alone. To know you're not alone in all that complexity. I think it was CS Lewis who wrote, friendship is born at that moment when one person says to the other, what?
• 7:27
  You two? I thought I was the only one. That right there, that's what I want. Not thousands of people watching me perform. Ick.
• 7:34
  Right? I'm not here for the vanity. To be honest, if anything, I've lost way more than I've gained by becoming Christy Faith. Faith is my middle name, in case you were wondering. It was my social media handle, so I had to stick with it.
• 7:46
  But what I want in this relationship that you and I have, even though it's called a parasocial relationship, that's like the fancy word for connection, at least as close as we can possibly get. I want you to watch or listen to this show and think, wow. You too? And forgive me if you think this is selfish. It's really not because it's how I'm going to be able to keep doing my job.
• 8:10
  I need to be vulnerable with you. And I'm a little bit scared. A lot scared. Mega scared. Yeah.
• 8:16
  Because this voice in my head keeps asking, is this self indulgent, Christy? Why are you making this about you? You're supposed to be helping them. The marketing experts will see this and they'll roll their eyes saying, this is so dumb. Why is she doing this?
• 8:29
  But here's what I'm learning. Maybe helping you and being vulnerable with you aren't two different things. Maybe they're the same thing. Because I can't build something sustainable and life giving on a foundation of one dimension. I can't keep fragmenting myself, giving you the useful parts while keeping the complicated parts locked away.
• 8:48
  And I'm not anyone that's hiding anything. But I have to realize that eventually that breaks you. And then what? Then you get nothing. I'll burn out, I'll quit, or I'll just disappear.
• 8:58
  And trust me, I've thought of that. I don't need to do this job. I do this because it's my calling. I do this because I saw very clearly that the homeschool space needed me. So maybe we ignore the experts together.
• 9:11
  Maybe their way doesn't get who the homeschooling mom actually is. Maybe their way isn't serving either of us in the richest way possible. Maybe if showing up whole, complex, unfinished, still figuring things out, we can build something more real. Something that doesn't ask us to be something that we're not. Something that meets you in the middle of your actual life, not in the life that you're supposed to be living according to someone else's formula.
• 9:38
  So if you're here, you're a growth minded mom on a healing journey. That is exactly who this show is for. That's what I promised you. Depth, realness, research, game changing ideas. So I am keeping that promise.
• 9:52
  This is the start of a brand new six part series called behind the screen, kind of a play on behind the scenes. For the next several weeks, I'm stepping out of flat land, ladies. I'm showing you the full dimensional person. What it means to homeschool while hurting, while healing, while questioning, while grieving. And if you're a nosy Nelly, you are in for a treat because I'm about to tell you things about myself that I usually don't talk about because I think no one's interested in hearing that.
• 10:18
  So is it totally risky? Yeah. But it's this or quit. So what will I be talking about in the next six weeks? Here's what's coming.
• 10:27
  Episode one is today. I'm gonna be talking about what homeschooling is really like in my house, the messy, imperfect reality that no one talks about. Episode two is my story and what I learned when I had to leave a church. We're gonna be talking about toxic communities, church hurt, toxic friend groups, and what happens when you blow up your own life because we did it and lived a tale to tale, and it was something that we had to do. We're so happy now, but yikes.
• 10:51
  It took a while. Episode three is gonna be controversial. It's why I left authoritarian parenting. Yep. I am going to go there, and I am going to be talking about the big s word.
• 11:01
  That right there might get me canceled in the homeschool space. Oh, well. But I don't know. Maybe not, actually. Right?
• 11:06
  Now that I'm thinking about that. Episode four, the two times I almost walked away from my faith and why I stayed, including my infertility story. And the times in my life where not only did I feel like God abandoned me, but I truly felt like he was being cruel. Have you ever been there? Are you there right now?
• 11:24
  Girl, yeah. I'm scared to to do that one. We can cry together that day. Okay? Episode five is the grief that came with becoming Christy Faith, outgrowing who I previously was, the loneliness of starting over in the middle of your life and kind of becoming unrecognizable to the people who knew you before.
• 11:43
  Yeah. Crazy. And episode six, why I really do social media, why I show up. And I'm gonna be talking about the fight that I have every single day for moms to believe in themselves and their worth, and why I just can't quit this job, and why I'm fighting to keep doing this job. If any of these topics interest you, feel free to subscribe and get those notifications for when an episode drops so that we can get out of Flatland together.
• 12:09
  Are you in? And I'm so curious. Let me know in the comments right now if you love this, if you are cringing for me, or if you think I'm crazy. I'm leaning towards cringey crazy. So before I change my mind, let's go.
• 12:32
  Alright. You made it through the intro. Let's get into what homeschooling is really like in my house. And I thought the best way to explain this is maybe talk about Tuesday. When I sat down to write this very episode, I woke up with a splitting headache, the kind where light hurts.
• 12:48
  My father-in-law had emergency surgery the day before, and unrelated to the surgery, we found out that he probably needs to be insulin dependent now. If he's listening, he's gonna be like, why'd you say that, Christy? I said it because it's true, and we're worried. That's a whole thing. Aging parents with health problems.
• 13:02
  Yeah. That's now our reality. It's okay. We can we can do it. And what's hard is that relationship is already a little bit strained.
• 13:08
  Did I ever tell you that I went to therapy to figure out how to handle my in laws? And the surprising truth was that I needed to figure out how to handle myself. Yeah. That was fun. I digress.
• 13:20
  I hope they're not listening to this. Oh, well. It'll be a good conversation if they are. Okay. Back to our morning.
• 13:24
  My teenager is currently navigating politics in one of his activities, the kind where, like, it's adult drama that kids shouldn't be caught up in. Right? And it's totally unfair. I feel bad for the kid. And then on top of that are the typical teenage stuff that doesn't get easier just because it's normal.
• 13:42
  It's taking a lot of time and emotional energy right now having a teenager. A lot. Okay. So that morning, one of my girls melted down over long division again, and another one melted down over finding the simple subject and simple verb in an independent clause. If you know, you know.
• 13:58
  At that time, I'm currently behind on writing podcast episodes because I've been so scared to write this series. In Christy Faithland, we had a major staffing change, So I've been training two new people. I love you two, by the way. You know who you are. I'm homeschooling my own kids while trying to take care of my own physical and mental health.
• 14:17
  Perimenopause is kicking my butt. Oh, and I'm managing a screen fast with the kids, which is going about as well as you would imagine. And when I finally sit down and open my emails, I realized that I no showed a meeting scheduling mix up. I felt awful. And not just for me because it affects one of my sponsors who asked me to take the meeting.
• 14:37
  Now are two meltdowns in one day typical for me? No showing a meeting, that kind of a thing? No. But those days happen. Right?
• 14:46
  I'm sharing this because I think as homeschool moms, we assume that everyone else has it together. And what even is having it together anyway? Okay. So listen to this. I once knew a family with perfect kids.
• 14:57
  Never out of line, always polite, always obedient. Turns out their kids were perfect because they were terrified of their father's punishment. They had to be perfect to maintain their parents' image. So here's what I wanna normalize, or maybe a better word for it is clarify in today's episode. What a healthy homeschool life actually looks like.
• 15:18
  Because a healthy life isn't one with no bumps, one without major mess ups, or one without grief or pain. And here's my question for you. After hearing all that, my hot mess day, am I still qualified as an educational and parenting expert? What do you think? Well, you be the judge.
• 15:33
  But if you think a parenting and educational expert needs to have perfect savant kids and never have a bad day, I think you might be listening to the wrong podcast. I love you, but yeah. And my purpose of today's episode is to show you what real life looks like and why that doesn't disqualify any of us from being extraordinary homeschool moms. Now, I am just getting started, but we gotta go to a break. Please appreciate the sponsors with me because they are why this show is free to you, and I really appreciate them.
• 16:02
  So thank you sponsors. We'll be right back. As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge.
• 16:24
  Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal. But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine, and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press homeschool curriculum. Now many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option, and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BJU Press homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age family together on the couch learning style.
• 17:01
  They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons. To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. Okay. Hello. Welcome back.
• 17:19
  Speaking of things that feel out of control, we gotta talk about something. And this is that six years ago, you know what was absolutely draining our bank account? It was our health insurance. My family of six was paying $2,000 a month for health insurance. $2,000.
• 17:37
  And we were barely using it. We're pretty healthy people. And every month when that bill hit, I'd get this pit in my stomach because that's money we could be using for wonderful things like curriculum experiences, vacations, for building a life that we actually want. But not having healthcare is not a wise option, especially when you have kids. So we just thought, ugh, what are we supposed to do?
• 17:59
  We gotta pay it. Then we found health sharing. And honestly, it's been a game changer. We are on Summit HealthShare, and they are, in my opinion, the best of all the health sharing options. You should go to their website and check it out.
• 18:11
  We now save over $1,000 a month. So do the math. That's $12,000 per year back in our budget every single year. And we didn't have to change any doctors. Of course, we have our major medical taken care of, wellness visits, maternity programs.
• 18:28
  I'm done having kids, but they have them. They even have plans with free labs, free prescriptions, and free visits. Plus Summit works with holistic and functional medicine. Now not everyone can say that, and that's what we should be doing anyway. Right?
• 18:40
  That matters if you're trying to approach your health care differently and more holistically and trying to get to root causes. So if you're tired of hemorrhaging money every month, go to summithealthshare.com. They have this really cool savings calculator. It takes thirty seconds. I was just told today that someone did the calculator, and it's gonna save them $9,000 per year.
• 19:00
  What you do is you put the money in that you're currently spending, and it will show you how much you could be saving per month for all of the care that you need. It works for individuals, groups, and businesses. I'll put the link in the show notes. Seriously, go check it out. It's perfect for homeschooling families.
• 19:14
  We like to stick it to the man anyway. Most people get better care, and they end up paying between 4060% less than what they're currently paying. Okay. Now that I told you how to save a bunch of cash right before curriculum buying season, let's go back to homeschooling through the chaos. My Tuesday.
• 19:30
  So I'm upstairs in my office area trying to write this episode, and I hear it. The sniffles, the body language. I know you know what I'm talking about of a complete brain blackout, dysregulation all over the place. My daughter is so frustrated about finding that simple subject and simple verb in that independent clause that she's not understanding how to find the simple subject and simple verb in the independent clause. I know you know what I'm talking about.
• 19:57
  Like, you see that your kid would totally understand this if they weren't totally thrown mentally. Right? That's, of course, nervous system dysregulation, but whatever. That's not what this show is about today. But you know the spiral that I'm talking about where the emotion completely takes over and the brain just shuts down.
• 20:11
  K? That was us. And my first thought, confession, I feel so guilty now, was, oh, no. Here we go again. Not compassion, not empathy, just inconvenience in that moment.
• 20:23
  And here's what kills me. She's actually grown so much in this area. It used to be really bad. And now she was just sniffling and staring at the page. That's progress.
• 20:33
  That's progress for us. I wish I just stopped and acknowledged that she was trying. Said, wow. You know, just came in with empathy. This is hard.
• 20:41
  But I didn't say that because if I'm honest, it was really inconvenienced and I was stressed out myself. I wasn't there for her. Then apparently, as you know, because Tuesday wasn't done with me, I hear another meltdown start downstairs. A different kid, of course, long division. So now I've got two out of four kids off the rails.
• 21:00
  And if you're including the adult, you know, Right? And I'm sitting there thinking, I'm supposed to be a parenting and educational and homeschooling expert. This is literally my job, and two of my kids are melting down over schoolwork. Who do I think I am? My kids don't it together.
• 21:15
  I'm not qualified to tell anyone how to do this. That's the voice in my head. And somewhere in the middle of dealing with all the meltdowns and my own splitting headache, I finally sat down at my computer to write. And then I opened my emails and my stomach drops. I get nauseous.
• 21:31
  The meeting. It was a call about an event, opportunity, like I said before, that my sponsor asked me to do before. Multiple people had arranged to be on this Zoom call, and I had no idea it was even happening. It was a legit scheduling mix up, but that's embarrassing. I just sunk into my chair completely deflated.
• 21:49
  Right? Panic, shame, that sick feeling in your chest. I'm a professional. This is not who I am. But apparently today, that's exactly who I am.
• 21:57
  And I'm sitting there thinking, great. Just great. Two kids melting down, and now I've let down multiple people who were counting on me. So, yeah, that was literally this Tuesday. And listen, I'm not just sharing my crazy life to try to convince you that my nut so reality is normal.
• 22:14
  If I didn't know better, I'd honestly think that I am truly a hot mess, and everyone else is managing better than me. But you know what? I happen to know for a fact that this is not true. You know how I know? Because of the moms we work with in Thrive homeschool community.
• 22:28
  Real homeschool moms just like you. Moms with kids who have learning disabilities and they don't know how to help them. Betrayal in marriages, church hurt, kids with concerning behavior that are just breaking parents' hearts. Moms with their own learning issues like ADHD and trying to manage everyone else's chaos. Moms who are so tired because their kids still aren't sleeping through the night.
• 22:49
  Death, divorce, trauma, the unspeakable loss of a child, massive financial crises. Moms stretch so thin, they don't even know how they are still standing. This, what I just said, that's normal. And here's something that's so easy to miss. Your kids are learning something invaluable through all of that.
• 23:09
  Not from a math book, from you, from watching you navigate hard things, from being close enough to see real life real emotions and real resilience. That's not a liability. It's a privilege. Most kids are shipped off during their parents' hardest seasons, and I can't tell you how many moms who are going through something hard and the people around them say, just put your kids in school. It's just too much to keep homeschooling with all that you have going on right now.
• 23:34
  Has someone said that to you? I bet. Or someone you know. But when we homeschool our kids, they're here with us. They're right there with us, and they're learning things that matter far more than staying on grade level.
• 23:47
  And I wanna talk about exactly what they are learning and why this might be our greatest advantage as homeschooling parents, including some science to back it up. We'll get into that right after this. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool. At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures. As a career educator with high standards, finding the right program that checked all the boxes felt like too tall of an order.
• 24:18
  Until one day, I tried CTC Math. CTC Math is an online math curriculum for k to 12 students with motivating interactive lessons that allow kids to learn at their own pace. It does all the teaching and grading so you don't have to, and their adaptive lessons adjust so your child is progressing confidently. With CTC Math, your child is getting a top notch education, and you just made your homeschool life easier. Visit ctcmath.com to start your free trial today or click the link in the show notes.
• 24:46
  I've got some news. There's a new reading curriculum that ditches workbooks and drills for fun and games. If you're thinking fun and games sounds a little too good to be true, it's not. Ninety eight percent of children improved their reading test scores in just six weeks with the reading skill set by Lovevery. It's a phonics based program that follows the science of reading, but makes learning to read fun, motivating, and confidence boosting because it happens by playing games and then practicing with just right skill level books.
• 25:16
  Kids love it and parent educators love it, and it works. Visit loveevery.com/christyfaith today and use code Christy 10 to get 10% off your purchase of the reading skill set by Lovevery. That's lovevery.com/christyfaith. Okay. So we're gonna dive deep into this abstract, contemplative side of me that if you listen to this show long enough, you will realize you will never escape it.
• 25:43
  So here it goes. So I believe there are two types of curriculum happening in our homes right now. The first one is the planned one. Right? Math, history, science, the boxes that you check off.
• 25:54
  The second one, our kids are learning it every single day by watching us live. And that second curriculum, that's the one that actually shapes who they will become. Right? When you burn dinner, are you laughing it off or are you spiraling? Because they're taking notes.
• 26:10
  When you lose your patience over math, but then come back later to apologize, that's not failure. That's one of the most important lessons that they'll ever learn. When the house is so messy, it looks like someone broke in and robbed you and you managed not to snap and not lose your ever loving mind, that's a huge win. By the way, this was a struggle for me. Now I know this triggers me, and I take a deep breath, and I say to the kids, the visual clutter is dysregulating me, and I don't wanna yell or scream or say something that I'll regret later.
• 26:40
  Can we all sit down and make a plan together? I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better. What about when your kids lie and you completely freak out because we're so scared when that happens? How do we handle that? Do we punish our kids, or do we try to get to the heart of why they felt like they had to lie and couldn't tell the truth?
• 26:57
  Because here's the real question. Do your kids feel like they can trust you with anything, even their shame? That safety is shaped in that second curriculum that I'm talking about. How we handle our own mistakes. When you mess up, do you blame others or do you take responsibility?
• 27:12
  They're watching and they're learning how to be a good human. Here's a perfect example. And yes, this happened the same terrible Tuesday. But in the afternoon, honestly, you just can't make this stuff up. That afternoon on that Tuesday, I was at the grocery store and I was leaving and I looked down and I realized I had forgot to scan the chicken itself checkout.
• 27:33
  It was like $30 of meat. I did is I had put it near my feet in my cart so the chicken juices wouldn't touch the other stuff. Now don't call me out on my OCD right now. I don't know if I can handle it today. This is a very vulnerable episode.
• 27:44
  But I looked down at my cart and saw that chicken that I hadn't scanned when I was out in the parking lot. So I had accidentally shoplifted. My kids watched me walk back and pay for it even though I could have just driven away. Now later, one of my kids asked, mom, you got away with it, and we spend so much money at that store and on groceries. Why did you go back?
• 28:05
  That conversation, that was worth more than an entire semester of character building education curriculum. Now I wanna tell you what the research actually shows about this. It shows that resilience doesn't come from watching parents succeed and kind of being perfect parents. It comes from watching parents struggle and then recover. From watching parents do the right thing in the midst of struggle.
• 28:28
  Your kids don't need to see you get it right all the time. In fact, the messing up part is necessary in order to be a good parent. And I'm not just blowing smoke here. They need to see us get it wrong and then watch what we do next to make it right. So here's what I realized and this is gonna sound crazy.
• 28:46
  Okay? Here it is. Tuesday was a perfect homeschool day. That's right. I'm gonna tell myself the truth.
• 28:52
  I'm not gonna believe the lies. I'm gonna capture those thoughts. Because look at what my kids learned. They learned emotional regulation in real time. They watched me apologize when I messed up several times.
• 29:02
  They saw me walk back into the store to pay for chicken that I could have just taken. They experienced what it looks like when life doesn't go as planned and what hopefully a healthy person does, or in my case, a trying to be healthy person. We're all works in progress here. Right? Put in the comments like here, work in progress too.
• 29:21
  That's not homeschooling despite the chaos. That's just homeschooling. And there's a lie that I used to believe that I refuse to believe anymore. Okay? And that is that life is supposed to go smoothly.
• 29:33
  And then when hard things happen, we just need to brace ourselves and white knuckle it until it's over. Trials are interruptions, and we're just trying to get back to our normal life when they happen. I've learned the hard way that's not how to navigate trials or how to navigate life. And it's a completely false belief about what life actually is. I once heard a therapist say that her goal with clients isn't to eliminate hard things from their lives, it's to build their distress tolerance.
• 30:01
  I've also heard it say this way, to widen your window of tolerance so that we can stay regulated and grounded even when life gets hard. Because resilience isn't having a perfect life. Resilience is having the capacity to remain calm and functional through hardship. It's not that absence of struggle. It's the ability to not fall apart when struggle comes.
• 30:22
  And guess what? Our kids are learning that same capacity by watching us. There is no normal life we're waiting to get back to in order to be a good homeschooler. There's no calm season coming, and if you have one, man, good for you. I'm so happy for you.
• 30:36
  Truly, I am. But this right here, right now with all of the mess and all of the weight and the beauty and the chaos and fill in the blank, the grief, whatever you wanna say, this is your life. This is my life. And our kids don't need us to have it all together. They need to see us living, actually living through whatever comes.
• 30:57
  Now, quick transition here. This is not a commercial break. Stay with me. If you are enjoying the show today at all, if you're getting anything from it, would you do me a favor and engage with the show right now? It can be giving me a five star review if I deserve it, posting a comment, asking me a question, saving this for later, maybe sending this episode to a friend.
• 31:16
  Why? That engagement, even though it only takes you probably less than five seconds, it does so much more than you actually realize. It tells the algorithms that this show deserves to be seen. It costs you nothing, but it could mean everything to a mom who is searching right now for clarity and confidence in her homeschooling journey. That one mom who doesn't think she can homeschool because she feels like she's too much of a mess or not qualified.
• 31:39
  I want her to listen to this show. This podcast is about transforming families and building a movement of moms who are taking back the hearts and minds of their kids. And you, my friend, you are a part of that mission. So if you believe in what we're doing here, if you like this show, please go ahead and take a moment right now to engage. It's free.
• 31:58
  It's quick, and it's powerful. So thank you. Alright. Let's bring this home, or as I say in a lot of episodes, Christy, land the plane. We're gonna do our quote of the week.
• 32:08
  Here it is. Okay? Your kids aren't watching your wins. They're watching your recoveries. And that hidden curriculum, the one you're teaching every single day just by showing up and struggling and trying again, that's the one that matters most.
• 32:22
  So if you've been waiting for life to calm down before you can homeschool well, you can stop waiting. Your messy, complicated, painful life, that's not disqualifying you. It's actually the richest classroom your kids will ever have. They need to see you navigate hardship and not perfectly, just honestly. They need to see that hard things happen and you don't quit.
• 32:44
  That's the lesson they'll carry for the rest of their lives. And if you're struggling right now, if you listen to this episode and you're like, I'm not okay though, Christy. Please hear me. This doesn't mean that you're failing. That means that you're human.
• 32:57
  You might be in a position where you actually do need some help. Ask for it. Reach out. You don't have to do this alone. If today's quote resonated with you at all, I'd love to send it to you in a beautifully designed note card perfect to put on your mirror or your dashboard or anywhere that you need to be reminded of this beautiful truth, all you do is click the link in the show notes, and I'll send it right to you.
• 33:19
  And by the way, I just found out that if you click the link, you're gonna get all the past quotes too from other shows. So, yeah, pretty cool. And don't forget, email me with any questions you have. Tag me on social media with something about this show that resonated with you. I wanna see it.
• 33:34
  I wanna be a part of your journey, whether you ever pay for anything that I offer or not. Want I you to know that you're not doing this alone. And honestly, I need to know that I'm not doing this alone either. So just as a reminder, this is episode one of Behind the Screen. It's a six part series where I'm pulling back the curtain on the whole dimensional person of Christy Faith, things I've struggled with, hardship that I've been through, and what I've learned.
• 33:57
  Next week, we're talking about why I left my church. Now, I didn't leave the church. I left a church. We're gonna be talking about toxic community, betrayal, what it actually costs to blow up your own life when staying feels impossible. Have you blown up your life before?
• 34:12
  I wanna know if you have because it's hard. And after that, I'm gonna be talking about why I walked away from authoritarian parenting and what I am now doing instead, and no. It is not gentle parenting. I'm gonna be going into the two times I almost left my faith entirely and why I didn't. I was pissed, though.
• 34:30
  Gotta be honest. I was pissed at God. I'm gonna be going into the grief that came with becoming Christy Faith. It's weird to, like, when your life is going well to experience so much loss, and I didn't even give myself permission. Did you guys know that when Christy Faith first blew up, I had to go into therapy?
• 34:46
  Like, no joke. And finally, the last episode in this six part series is why I show up on social media. Why do I do this job? The part that nobody sees. If you've ever felt like you're showing up as a highlight reel instead of a whole person, this series is for you.
• 35:03
  So subscribe so you don't miss a single show because it's about to get even more real. I started off light, ladies. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for letting me step out of flatland and to show you the whole dimensional person.
• 35:19
  How did I do? Did I flop? Do you want more? Let me know in the comments. I can take it.
• 35:24
  And please know you are not alone in this homeschooling life. Okay? Nothing is disqualifying you. It's exactly what your kids need. I'll see you next week.