Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Is Never in the Office
Transcript
- Lucas: You know, I was talking to a friend who works at a mid-size tech firm last week, and she told me something that stopped me cold. She said her boss has been in the office exactly twice since January. Luna: Twice in six months? That's not a hybrid schedule—that's a ghost. Lucas: Right. And she's not alone. Microsoft put out a survey earlier this year — 2025 — that found fifty-eight percent of hybrid workers say their direct manager is on-site fewer than three days a week. So we're talking about millions of people whose boss is effectively absent most of the time. Luna: I can see that becoming a huge problem. Decisions get stuck, feedback takes days, and you end up running your own little department without a captain. Lucas: Exactly. And since we're talking about a real career challenge here — managing from below — I want to mention something quickly. This show is completely ad-free, and that's a choice we made because we think career advice shouldn't be interrupted by mattress commercials. If you find these episodes useful, you can support that choice at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small way to keep this resource open for anyone who needs it. Luna: Yeah, and we really do hear from listeners who've used these strategies to change their situation. It matters. Lucas: So back to the absentee boss. The first thing I tell people is: don't assume they're slacking. Some of these managers genuinely believe they're empowering you by staying out of your way. But the result is the same—you feel stranded. Luna: So what's the first concrete step? I imagine just sending more emails isn't the answer. Lucas: It's not. Actually, flooding their inbox makes things worse. What works is a structured weekly update that you send every Friday by noon. Include three things: what you accomplished, what you need a decision on, and what you're planning for next week. Keep it to five bullets max. Luna: And that gives them a reason to respond, because you've made it easy. Lucas: Right. Now, the second strategy is a shared decision log. Create a simple Google Doc or Notion page where every time you make a call that affects the team, you write it down: date, decision, rationale. Share it with your boss and ask them to review once a week. Luna: That's smart because it shifts the burden of catching up onto them. And it creates a paper trail if something goes wrong. Lucas: Exactly. And look, some bosses will never look at the document. But the act of creating it forces you to be deliberate about your choices. And if they ever question something, you can point to the log. Luna: I want to push back a little, though. Isn't there a risk that the boss sees this as you trying to manage them? Like, 'Who does this person think they are?' Lucas: That's a real concern, and it depends on your relationship. But framing matters. You never present it as 'I'm keeping tabs on you.' You say, 'I want to make sure we're aligned and that nothing falls through the cracks while you're traveling. This doc helps me stay accountable to you.' Luna: Okay, that reframes it as serving them, not policing them. Lucas: Right. Now, another tactic that works especially well if your boss is in a different time zone is to schedule one recurring fifteen-minute video call per week. Same day, same time. No exceptions. Luna: Even if they're not in the office? Like, if they're at home? Lucas: Especially then. The consistency builds a rhythm. And you keep that meeting no matter what — unless they explicitly cancel. Fifteen minutes is short enough that they won't dread it, but long enough to cover three key items. Luna: I've heard some people say they send a pre-read document twenty-four hours before that meeting so the boss can scan it in advance. That way the call is just decisions, not updates. Lucas: That's a great refinement. Send the agenda the day before, and then the call is purely about resolving the two or three things you couldn't decide alone. Luna: We should talk about the emotional side, too. I think a lot of people with an absent boss start to feel resentful, like they're doing the manager's job without the title or pay. Lucas: That resentment is real, and it's corrosive. I think the key is to reframe it as a skill-building opportunity. You're learning how to operate with autonomy, how to communicate clearly, how to build influence without authority. Those are executive-level skills. Luna: And in a weird way, an absent boss can be a gift for your career—if you use it right. You get to stretch into decisions you wouldn't normally make. Lucas: Exactly. But you also have to protect yourself. If your boss is never around to see your work, make sure your skip-level — your boss's boss — knows what you're doing. Send a quarterly summary to your boss with a CC to their manager, but only after you've cleared it with your boss. You say, 'I want to make sure leadership sees the progress we're making.' Luna: That's a delicate move, but it's smart. You're not going around them; you're amplifying them. Lucas: Right. And one more thing: if your boss is absent for weeks at a time and not responding to your structured updates, you need to escalate carefully. Send an email that says, 'I haven't heard back on X, Y, and Z. I'm going to proceed with my best judgment unless I hear otherwise by end of day tomorrow.' That forces a response. Luna: And if they still don't respond, you have written proof that you asked. That's your insurance. Lucas: Exactly. And if that pattern continues, it's time for a direct conversation. You say, 'I want to do great work for you, but I need a decision cycle that's faster than once every two weeks. Can we agree on a response time?' Luna: I like that because it's about the work, not about them. It's not personal. Lucas: Right. So to wrap up: the absentee boss is one of the most common difficult-boss types in the hybrid era, but it's also one of the most manageable if you put the right systems in place. Weekly updates, a decision log, a recurring short meeting, and a willingness to frame everything as serving their goals. Luna: And if you're in that situation right now, start with just one of those. The weekly update is probably the easiest. Try it for a month and see if the dynamic shifts. Lucas: That's a great takeaway. One step at a time. Thanks for listening, and we'll talk next time.