Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #65 A WAVE STRONG LIVE EVENT - Wise Mind on Campus: Skills for Maximizing Your College Experience

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#65 A WAVE STRONG LIVE EVENT - Wise Mind on Campus: Skills for Maximizing Your College Experience · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

Wave Strong Live Podcast[00:00:00] Sarah, you know, I always make you go first.You ready for this? Yep. We didn't even prepare for what was going first. I just knew it was gonna be me. Welcome. I know this is such a busy time of year. So, just a quick introduction. I'm Dr. Sarah Olivo. I live and work in Nashville, Tennessee, but was formally in the rye area. , So this does still feel in a lot of ways like my home area. And, , I'll let you. Sure. , I'm Dr.Liz Seidler. I have a private practice in Ridgefield, Connecticut, and we'll just share a little bit how this podcast came about and I think it kind of coincides with Wave Strong's initiatives. , During COVID, Sarah and I were on a consultation team with a bunch of psychologists and realized, , how inundated we all were with wait lists to provide [00:01:00] evidence-based treatment to adolescents and young adults.And I had mentioned that I wanted to do something to kind of reach a wider audience, had thought about a podcast, and Sarah texted me offline. And we both are really passionate about working with teenagers and with college students specifically. And that's where our podcast came about, a book to come and we'll talk a little bit more about our work, but we're really grateful that we have three college students here today that are former Darien High School students.And we're hoping that we can talk about some of the skills that we. Feel like will help, um, rising seniors kind of jumpstart their transition to college? Um, it's not as always easy as it definitely used to be. Um, and there are some things that we've learned along the way as clinicians that we think are useful tools.Yeah, I think a big part of Wave Strong submission is to say it's okay to be not okay. And one of the great things about what we're gonna talk about tonight is the fact that these are all [00:02:00] skills that people can use if they are struggling. And these same skills can be used if you're doing well, but you wanna elevate your performance in some way.So it's really something where we know that these are skills that people might need if they're feeling lonely. That's something that always takes people by surprise or they struggle with a friendship, et cetera. So we know that that's the case and these skills are helpful there. We also think that there are times where people are doing fine, they are doing okay.And it'd be wonderful for them to have skills to really maximize and make the most kind of rich experience or maybe to get to where they need to be with their friendships and their performance in classes, et cetera, before they have to learn it on their own. That's what we hear from people a lot.They're like, I got there by junior year, but it would be nice if I had known a little bit more ahead of time. So sort of wherever you're at on that trajectory, these are things that will lift you to that next level. So, okay. [00:03:00] Alright. Let's do a quick introduction. Yes, let's do it. You wanna start? So, uh, I'm Patrick Finnegan.I'm a rising senior at Villanova. I'm majoring in mechanical engineering. Hi, uh, my name's Ali Magoi. I just graduated from University of Richmond, uh, this past May and I majored in International Business and Leadership. I. Um, hi, my name's Paul Bremmer. Uh, I'm a rising junior at Providence College studying finance and management.And just so you know, we're making them pass the mic again for great audio down the road. So if you're wondering like, why are they doing that? Um, it's, it's for that purpose. So, alright. I wondered if you guys could look at this picture because we, we hear a lot from people before going to school is like, this is what they imagine.The games, the tailgating, fun study groups, right? Graduation. Is that the picture that you had before going to school? You [00:04:00] can just nod or you can get, yeah. So I see some nodding. Okay. So, so yeah, it was sort of like, oh, it's gonna be this whole great expansive, fun experience. Um, alright. And those things, no.Or Shake. Did those things also, did those things happen? Did you find, did you were able to enjoy some? Some, right? Some, yeah, some, yeah. Okay. Let's go to. The next one. What about some of these experiences? I see ramen, I see loneliness. I see overwhelm. I see someone who has maybe had a few too many the night before.I see. Um, sleeping in the library. Boredom. Yeah. Roommates looking a little awkward. Um, so any times that you've noticed that those were also part of your experience? Okay. I see. Again, a lot of nodding. Right. And I think that part of what we talk about a lot is that. There is this sense of, oh, college [00:05:00] is gonna be this one thing, but college is four years of life, which means it's gonna have all the highs and all the lows and challenges that other times have, and it's not gonna be necessarily all good or all bad.Um, and many times overall, many times overall people do find a balance, but it doesn't mean that's the whole time, you know? So there's, there's sort of some peaks and valleys during their experience. So, um, and as my nephew who just graduated from UT said, he's like. I, I can never look at ramen again. Like I, I have so much sodium in my body, it's, I need like, years to get rid of it.So, so, um, we're gonna rely on the college students about talking a little bit about the differences between what their expectations were and what the realities were when they stepped foot on campus. Mm-hmm. And the way that we've kind of structured our presentation today is to talk a little bit about the skills that you may or may not have had when you entered into campus or developed and what that was like for you in terms of that adjustment.And I think one of the biggest things we see, is this [00:06:00] pressure to balance everything. You know, that okay, I have to get on campus. I mean, even before campus, I don't know how it was for you guys, but all the seniors I work with are already on social media.They're finding their roommates, they have their whole friend group, they're meeting up, somewhere. Um, and they feel this pressure to have met their friends already and to have their kind of herd of sheep that they're gonna go around campus as a freshman and have a major and decided what they're going to major in.And to have all this kind of figured out, um, while being independent for the first time and doing simple tasks. I say simple, but it also most stressful doing laundry and making sure that you have clothes to wear, right. Or, um, maybe you are an athlete in college and you're trying to figure out like, what, what's my identity now?If I'm not playing a sport in college, how am I gonna exercise? There's just a lot to balance all at once. Yeah. And a lot of new. So I'd be curious, and we'll ask some specific questions to you, but with this, we're looking at these extremes, right? A [00:07:00] lot of times college can feel like all fun or really stressful.Did you find that when you went in your freshman year, there was one that seemed the most, you know, was it the great freedom that felt you felt the most? Or was it the pressure you felt the most? Was it a mix? I feel like it was a mix. I feel like it was awesome to like be there and like, uh, meet new people and kind of have this freedom, but at the same time it was, it was kind of tough to be away from, you know, your high school friends and, uh, your family for such a long period of time.Um, living and having communal bathrooms, like it's all a new experience. You didn't love that, Paul? I mean, yeah. That wasn't your favorite part. Um, but yeah, kind of like a mix. I would agree it was. More of a mix. Uh, for me, I think especially in the beginning, it's a lot of new things to get used to.Um, you kind of have to find like a whole new friend group and you're also navigating a whole new place, it's just a lot of navigating [00:08:00] new things, but also trying to do it somewhat gracefully.I mean, again, similarly a mix, but it also kinda depends on what aspect you're looking at. Like academically, I wouldn't say your freshman year, like first semester, there's not nearly as much pressure on you as there is, you know, the senior year of high school. Mm-hmm. There's definitely a bit, but, um, there was, for me at least a lot more freedom.Um, you know, no, no parents saying, uh, no video games during the week and whatnot. Um. But I think the biggest pressure is definitely that, that social part, you kind of feel like there's a, like a countdown on how quickly you can find your friend group. That's well said. And we're gonna talk a lot about that today.You know, your friends are kind of fed to you through activities, your family, your school. Um, so that's, we often hear that's like the biggest thing that college [00:09:00] students want us to talk about.Right. And I can imagine that's probably why they're trying to get on Facebook or not Facebook. Oh my gosh, no, Sarah, oh, I'm sorry. I know it's not Facebook anymore. Please. Okay. Just ignore that edit podcast later. Um. So we know and why it's so difficult. This is mostly for, you know, the parents too. I mean, you're, you've gone through it, so you're like, why are you telling me about the things I needed to learn?But the key changes that are happening in that four year period also are aligned with the, each group, what they're really striving to have some independence, but yet they're still dependent somewhat on parents for various things, including, most likely financially in some way, um, perhaps or, and just having some advice and navigating new things.Also their identity. So, so far they've had one, I, not one identity per se, but they've most likely grown up in a particular community and formed their worldview from that perspective or from within their home. [00:10:00] And so this is a time for them to be exploring that more, more changes in responsibility. You know, can I, do I know how to do my laundry?How do I create a healthy meal, um, plan for myself and socialization, right? That this, that their community goes from that core being their family as part of it, to really having a four year period where your friends are sort of your community and your family while you're there. And so I think that these are just four things to remember.They're balancing along with finding friends, navigating their major, et cetera, that this would be hard enough without that four year time period. So when Liz and I, after several years of doing this podcast, um, many, many more of those years. Working clinically with folks, we've realized that if we could create a simplified way of saying, here are the five areas where we would love to have people have skills in each category, because it's gonna be, it is [00:11:00] able to hold people well and give a wide net of different skills, um, in order to manage the majority of things that are gonna come your way within a typical college experience.So we're gonna go through these things each. Um, so we'll talk about realizing your values, elevating that mental fitness, acting with purpose, creating healthy relationships, and handling hard things wisely. By the way. We are gonna make sure at the end that you have a tip sheet that has all these things that will give you a, a QR code so that you can have, access to it after this and. Some tip sheets with this information too. Okay. So, realizing your values, I wanted to talk a little bit about, you know, the groundwork of what we mean by realizing your values.I think a lot of times when I ask somebody this question for the first time, oftentimes I get like, what are you talking about? Especially for somebody [00:12:00] who is, has been in a family unit or a community where a lot of times the values are kind of just in the air. It's been discussed, or, but it hasn't maybe been labeled.And so when we say value, we mean. What is something that if you're being the self you wanna be, what are you giving out? What behaviors are you doing? How are you acting with other people? Do you know what those are and is it guiding your choices? Um, so there are a lot of different values that are out there, and no, there's not one that's considered a bad or a good value.It's like a, it's like enjoying food, right? It's a flavor you might like or not like. It doesn't mean that there's, you have to, although I do wonder when people don't like pizza, but there are people who don't. So that's not, that's not a bad thing necessarily. So there's not something that's right or wrong.Where I think people get the most frustrated or upset is when they don't understand that there might be a conflict between values that they have, or a friend has a different value [00:13:00] system than they do, and they take it personally because maybe that friend is not someone who values. Reciprocity in a friendship, they might value, humor and fun.And so I think it's just something if you are able to say to yourself, okay, I can have a lot of different values that are important to me, not good or not bad, um, which ones are they? And is there one I want guiding my decision right now? To your point, you said freshman year there was a lot of stuff about finding connection with social groups, right?So you might make decisions about a value, about connection and relationships at that point. Maybe by senior year you're saying, I actually want a lot more of my values to be about productivity or, um, trying to find some motivation or a career choice. And so using my values about work study or going outside of my comfort zone to interview for a job or get information about that.So, you know, there are different times and why you see a globe there or sphere is. You need to think about your values as being on a sphere, [00:14:00] meaning that they can't always be enacted at once. It's okay for them to shift around. And why you see caution on one side and adventure on the other is because those are values that are, can be really important, and it's hard to have those being enacted at the same time.Another one I see come up a lot is kindness and honesty. Both really important. Sometimes you cannot be kind if you're being honest. It doesn't mean that it's the wrong decision. You just wanna know which one is driving that decision. And to be okay with sometimes knowing, oh, this is the values conflict, this is why I can't make a decision, is 'cause I keep on trying to figure out what which one is right.And if you know the value that you want guiding your choice, it can be helpful in getting you out of that rumination phase. And the one other thing that I think is really important with values. Is knowing the difference between what a value is and what a should is or a rule you've been given. So a lot of times people will say to me, [00:15:00] I, I feel like I should have this value, or, you know, a lot of people have worked.I feel like I should put kindness on there. I'm like, okay, well we can talk about that being a should. And there are probably reasons why that was given to you. We've talked to some college students who said, Hey, I was so with my family, it was all about kindness and all about being kind to others. And I realized in college, when I was meeting so many new people, I was burnt out.And so over time I learned that I could also be kind to myself and I could balance that. And by being kind to everyone else, I was holding myself back from taking care of myself. And so she learned that over time on her own. So pay attention to shoulds. Um, one of the things we wanted to bring up is. This idea of I should go to college right after high school.Right? Sometimes there's a pressure there and the decision is guided by that pressure, those assumptions as opposed to an [00:16:00] actual feeling of readiness. Um, or sometimes people feel like, oh, I'm not ready for college. I should take a gap tier 'cause I'm not really ready. And it's based more on anxiety than it is a value.When we talk about values, pay attention to the kind of should. Oh yeah, I should be doing that. Alright, so I'm gonna stop now and we'll go to you guys. What did or didn't change about your values when you left for college? Another way of thinking about this, were your values tested?Um, I would say definitely, I think. College or university is a really good time kind of to put, to test what you're made of or um, what you believe. I know for me personally, some of my values, um, were strengthened a lot during university. Ones that I had already developed, um, in high school and with my family.I really [00:17:00] kind of saw them take full form, um, in university and then other ones stayed the same. Uh, to be honest, I hadn't put much thought or reflection into like what exactly my values were or put, like you said, or named them. So I think university is a really good space for you to have that sort of reflection and find out what exactly your values are.As you were talking, like something came to mind,, from one of the first days I got to school, um, where my values were kind of tested, but also, um, almost reaffirmed, it was, uh, it was one of the first nights of orientation. Um, it was really only freshman and seniors on campus and some of the upperclassmen, um, and everyone was going out and I was in a triple and one of my roommates had really bad social anxiety.Um, and so everyone was going out, everyone was getting ready to go out and they were like, yo, come, like, [00:18:00] whatever. And I, and he didn't want to go. And I kind of sat there and I just was like, well, I don't want him to be alone on one of his first nights of college, um, while everyone's out. And so. I ended up staying in, we watched a movie, um, and just hung out.Um, so I feel like the kindness part of me was tested there to be like, are you gonna stay? Mm-hmm. And or are you gonna leave and leave this kid alone for the night? Um, and so I feel like that also balanced with like, you know, not only freshman year, but this past year. Like you don't really feel that, you don't have to feel that pressure of like, you need to go out, like, um, you can kind of just stay in.You don't have to, you know, be partying all the time. Sometimes it's nice to just hang out with your friends and watch a movie or watch sports games. So I feel like they, they were tested, but I feel like you kind of start to learn your values over time. Mm-hmm. Um, and you kind of realize that. But it definitely does.Take time. Right.[00:19:00] Kind of in a similar vein. Um, but for me, Villanova had a lot of the similar values that, and the people who go to Villanova had a lot of similar values that I did to begin with. Mm-hmm. So I wouldn't say that my values were tested so much as they were identified, I suppose. Like I was actually finally able to put, you know, names to them.And I'd say their, the priority of values I think changed a little bit over time. Um, you know, family or friends, my own like freedom. I think that de definitely changed, but, uh. The values themselves, I'd say were more identified than tested. Yeah. Okay. And so we won't go too far into that. Um, again, all of the things that we are talking about, there's more on our podcast that flesh this out.So if you're feeling like, okay, what next, we [00:20:00] will make sure that you, if you wanna go further, you can with any of these topics. But I think that you've brought up a particularly good point, which is sometimes when you're enacting your values, it's really hard and it feels like, I would say there's a difference between the kind of pain and frustration of stuckness, um, or should acting, right?And the kind of feeling where you're like, this is hard, but Right. It's hard sometimes either way. But when you're typically acting on your values, it feels like the kind of growth hard that makes you grow. Okay. All right. So next is, all right, we're gonna talk about elevating your mental fitness. I talk about this a lot in my practice. I'm always talking about like, what are things we can do to kind of build our emotional reserve? We know college is stressful, and if we can find ways to buffer against anxiety and depression, you know, we didn't really talk about the statistics. I think everyone is pretty aware that the rates of mental illness on college campuses is rising and resources are really low.These, and my hope is when I go through some of these [00:21:00] skills, which is to feel empowered that there really are, you know, behavioral cognitive skills that you can practice that have been shown to build this emotional resiliency. Now the problem is this triangle that exists right here, this S triangle. So how do we balance sleep, studying and socializing?So any guesses? I mean, maybe on my college students, which one tends to be sacrificed? Sleep. Sleep. Is that what we heard? Yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah. That was a pretty quick answer. Quick, quick, quick. You know, um, college students seem to like, think they can just like hoard hours of sleep, like a squirrel with acorns, you know, they're like, oh, it's fine.I didn't sleep for these two nights, but I got five the next night. And, and sleep really doesn't work that way, right? But I completely understand that a lot of things are competing for your attention. Um, and it's compelling to go out with friends, watch a movie, go watch a basketball game, and your grades really matter to you, right?So [00:22:00] hopefully sleep is not the thing that you're always sacrificing. And we can talk a little bit about how to achieve a little bit of balance there. Um, so let's hear about some struggles with the S triangle, sleep, studying and socializing, or any any cures to the, the triangle tips. Um, I would say I definitely struggle, um, with this, um, between socializing and studying.Uh, especially, um, and sleeping. I feel like I get, we we're going to bed at like one, 2:00 AM every night and kind of like, feel like it's normal. Um, but the studying and the socializing was definitely hard at first because I always wanted to hang out with my friends and do what they were doing, and maybe they didn't have a test the next day and I did.Mm-hmm. Um, so kind of finding that balance over the past two years has been, uh, hard but good. And you can kind of, you know, balance the two together. Um, go, go in a study room with three of your friends and, [00:23:00] um, you're together, you know, you're studying, you know, go get, you go get food in the middle of it or whatever.Um, but you have that social aspect, but you're still focusing on your studying. Right. Um, but there's other times where, um, maybe I wanted to watch a movie or maybe I wanted to go out and it sacrificed by, uh, studying. Um, and then I realized the next day that I probably should have. Studied a little bit more, spent more time on my academics, but I feel like over time you really find a balance.Um, it's, it's definitely hard at first, but you kind of learn and everyone around you is learning to. Um, and you'll notice, like your friends will start to realize that they kind of have to like get it together, um, too. So, um, especially as academics get a lot harder,Yeah, just takes time to find that balance.Yeah. I mean. Definitely one thing is just combining, studying and [00:24:00] socializing, just getting that study group, definitely you don't want any more than four people. 'cause if you get more than that, you're just socializing, you're not studying. Um, but it also, it really just depends on where your priorities are because if you're trying to get straight A's, then depending, I'm not gonna say more difficult, but more time consuming majors.Like there were some semesters I'd have 18, 19 credits and some semesters I'd have 14 and someone else I would know, I would've 18 credits. And so even just kind of doing what you need to get your assignments in mm-hmm. You still can have very little time left for socializing. Or some nights even just, uh, just sleeping.Um, you don't even get to choose two. Exactly. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, it, it, um, but if you're just trying to. Gets, you know, good [00:25:00] grades, you know, no one needs perfect grades, then I think there's definitely more time to get all three done. Um, because there's, I, I've definitely noticed there's a lot of times where you're just kind of lying in bed, not doing anything.Mm-hmm. Um, and of course sometimes, you know, that's good to take a break. But, uh, even, even more challenging times, I think cutting out some of the, I don't wanna, I, I'm afraid to say nonsense, but, um, the flop time. Yeah. We could be a little bit more efficient with our time. Exactly. Yeah. That, um, that definitely helps.Something that was touched on a little earlier too is that you can place different emphasis. On each one at different times. Like for example, for me, at the beginning of college, especially freshman year, I would say sleep, um, probably took more of a backseat and maybe sometimes studying as well.[00:26:00] But as you're feeling more established, like in that environment, you can kind of rebalance things and put more emphasis on sleep and put more emphasis on studying. And studying is extremely important, I think, um, in university to get good grades, to commit yourself to your studies, um, that's why you're there.Um, but I don't think it's everything. I think that, um, having a healthy social life and being able to balance both is really important. Um, and. Getting one bad grade on one assignment isn't gonna kill you either. I know a lot of people in university who like bent over backwards to make sure that they had like the most perfect grades all the time, and like by the end of it they were almost pulling their hair out.Um, and I also had friends who did a really good job of balancing all three and managed to still do extremely well, get really good grades, um, and still have a very vibrant social life. So [00:27:00] I don't think that it's. As much of a struggle to balance all three, but it's definitely testing at times. Mm-hmm.Great. Thank you. Well, I'm glad, I think, I think it's this black or white thinking we can kind of get in where we kind of prioritize one thing at the triangle and we don't maybe work hard enough to see that. Like there are kids who are going to bed at 10 or 11 o'clock at night. They do exist right in the door.I'm pretty sure they do. Um, so, um, and as you'll see in this presentation in CBT at a lot of people therapy, we love acronyms guys, so they're, they're gonna see a lot of 'em. So we already start with reach and we're gonna talk about don't be a mess. Um, so sure far away when we see college students that are really dysregulated emotionally, they might be struggling academically or socially, chronically ill, physically ill, I mean, I'm sure a lot of you freshman year were sick at times due to the lack of sleep.Um, if you don't move your body and you're not eating in a healthy way and not sleeping consistently, and if you're staring all the time at social media, that is like. Uh, those are behaviors that we do [00:28:00] see that tend to lead to poor academic and emotional outcomes. The hard part is, particularly with the top three, you know, we're adults.Those are habits for most adults that are hard to do. , How do I establish like, , exercising consistently and eating in a balanced way and making sure that I don't sacrifice, um, my sleep too often. , But it's doable. So I would love to hear maybe just really quickly, like of those, which was like the hard, what's, what was the hardest for you to kind of navigate?I feel like all of them kind of at the beginning. Definitely. Yeah. Um, I feel like getting in a routine, going to like the gym at school was kind of tough at first. Um, but if you find, you know, one or two people to go with it makes it a lot easier to go. Um, you're more motivated to go. It's, it's a better time.Um, sure it might take longer, but uh, you'll enjoy it more and you'll be more motivated to actually go and then eating. Uh, I have food allergies, so it's a little different for me. Um, it was kind of hard at first 'cause the dining hall kind of didn't really have many options. Um, so I was kind of eating bad [00:29:00] or skipping meals, which was not healthy.Um, and then sleep consistently, I don't think I have figured that out yet either. Alright. Maybe get a little bit in progress. Some, some, sometimes I'm going to bed at ta. Some days it's 2:00 AM so it, it really depends. And then social media, uh, in our generation is very hard. Everyone's always, you know, on their phones.Looking at Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, um, it's kind of just become a part of our culture and our lives. As I've gotten older, it's, it's going down. I've, I'm less reliant on it. But when there were those kind of periods of time where I wasn't doing anything, that's kind of just what I was doing.I was laying in bed, um, and being in a triple dorm room, I had nowhere else to sit other than my uncomfortable desk chair. So at first it was definitely hard to figure those things out. But again, with time I really was able to figure it out. Okay,I think that the key part here again, is that I think a lot of times initially college should just kind of give up, right? [00:30:00] And don't take the opportunity to develop like some self-regulation skills until there's a crisis. And our whole point of this is like, can we prevent the crisis from happening? Um, and even with taking space from social media, which might not seem that normative 'cause it's so normal to kind of be on it.I'm sure if I looked in a cafeteria on campus, everyone has their phone out and they're probably on social media. Um. But we want you to be mindful of the impact that it has on mental health, which we know it does. Whether you're making comparisons that your friends are at home or having like the time of their life at a tailgate and you're miserable where you are, or you know, you have all these other shoulds of things that you should be doing.So, um, a quick, another quick little acronym. Tools for mental fitness. It's about moving your body. Even this, like I always say like call your parents on a walk across campus, like walking is the cheapest, most effective form of movement. And I think a lot of college students set these really ambitious goals about what their fitness routine is gonna be.Now, when I was in [00:31:00] college, I don't know about you, Sarah, like this was not part of the culture. So, but now I feel like, okay, I'm gonna go to this workout class and I'm gonna do this. And, and while I appreciate the commitment to fitness, I think sometimes our goals are so large that we're not successful.So whether it means that you're gonna do like a quick yoga video or if it's a walk. Um, and I will say, I, sorry to interrupt. Yeah. Because I know we just have more to get through, but I was thinking that again, this is one that we'll give you access to, but none of this, by the way, Liz and I do not think that we're like, guys, we're gonna blow your mind tonight.We are gonna tell you to eat Well, yeah. Like we know that that's not happening. But we also know that when people come in to see us really dysregulated and they say, we need to study better, I'm failing a test. I'm so moody. If we ask them if they're doing any of these things, the answer's always that they're not right.And so it's really just a way of saying, Hey, if you're not taking care of your physical health, we can't help [00:32:00] you as much as if you are taking care of it. That's always gonna be the first step. So I think that's, it's not to say like, let's blow your mind tonight with this information. This is pretty well known.No one is surprised by this, but it's also a matter of needing to understand that it is. Going to have to happen if you want to stay in a steady emotional state. Right. Right. And each of these letters, Sarah and I have interviewed experts. You know, we both went, um, and trained at most of the New York City hospitals.So we have experts on every one of these topics. Like, I'm not an expert on nutrition, but we interview nutritionist who really talks about how to navigate a dining hall and your campus and how to make more nutritious choices. So let's move on to this about, 'cause I think this might be something, um, that is worthwhile getting some feedback about, um. This idea about how to be more flexible in our thinking about school. I think a common area that we could start with is about socially anxious thoughts.There is this performative aspect when we get onto campus. We wanna like present our best self initially, and [00:33:00] we can get really stuck everyone. I'm not someone who struggles with social anxiety, but in new social settings I can really get stuck and like, oh, what did I sound like?Like, did they like me? Like, did I have any food in my teeth? You know, like, whatever my worries are. And these social worries are so strong when you first get to school, like you said, like wanting to like make your friend group within the first, you know, week that you're on campus. Um, so can you gimme like an example of a socially anxious thought?Just gimme a thought and I'll kind of walk through this, that any of you anyone wants to talk that had maybe freshman year, what was a worry? Anyone? Um, I would say at the beginning, maybe a good one would be like, oh, no one, no one wants to like meet me or be friends with me, or something like that. Okay.Um, and that would prevent you from doing, like if you were, like, for example, everyone has their doors open like in the dorm hall or something, like preventing me from going into someone's room and [00:34:00] introducing myself because they don't want, I would think that they didn't want me to. Good. Okay. Good.That's a good example. And when I kind of go through this, so there's a couple things that we do with our thinking,, and your thoughts are what fuels your emotion. So a lot of times we buy into our thinking, we treat all of our thoughts as facts. I tell every patient who walks in my office, I'm like, I've got one sentence.I'm gonna tell you it's four words. Remember this for the rest of your life, it'll change your life. And they're like, you know, none of them have notepads. They're like taking their phones out, their notes section if they like me. Um, and it's that thoughts are not facts. So what happens a lot is that we just assume when we start to think something that it's true, and we particularly think it's true because I can, I, I remember this feeling that you're talking about my stomach, like when I was in my dorm and I'm like, okay, they have like the little whiteboards and like, do I like write my name and like my, it's come like I wanna go to the dining hall with them, right?So when my stomach is really tense like that and I'm having the thought that nobody's gonna like me, my brain's gonna believe that that thought is true, right? 'cause my body's having this reaction. [00:35:00] If I can kind of take some space from my thoughts and accept that it's just a thought. We all have random thoughts.I'm sure if I asked all of you a random thought that you had today that was like bizarre and unusual, you'd give me one. Right? But you kind of let that go, like. You know, a cloud in the sky and you didn't really pay attention to it. I think it's really important when you walk onto campus that you recognize you're gonna have more worry thoughts about whether or not you pick the right major, whether or not you pick the right school, whether or not, you know, uh, your friends from home are still like you, whether or not you're gonna make any friends.Right? And our goal is how do we kind of create some space from our thoughts and see that they're really just thoughts and that we don't have to believe every single thought that pumps through our, our, our mind. And lastly, this last step is about just. Being skeptical about the authenticity of our thoughts.Right. You know, the, the one that college shouldn't make the most, I would say, um, this mistake is something called mind reading. So they'll come to me and they'll be like, ah, I just, I just know, [00:36:00] uh, Jill's like so mad at me, so mad at me. And I'm like, why was she, why is she mad at you, Liz, you just her face when she, she walked by me.She didn't say hi. And you should have seen her face. She was definitely mad at me. Um, there are a million reasons why Jill could have made a face or why she didn't. And then I, you know, I, I detect things a little bit more. Oh, you were in a crowded hallway. There were a lot of people. Right. How loud were you?Are you sure Jill heard you Right. Jill's really stressed out. She's going through a hard time. So I think you get the gist that a lot of times we need to take a step back and really examine our thoughts with a little bit more logical reasoning and not use emotional reasoning. Um, and so we talk, we've talked a little bit about being rigid and flexible.I think the, the gist is you wanna be a lot more flexible in terms of how you approach a lot of the worries that you're gonna have when you get onto campus. Yeah. Alright. Acting with purpose. , So this is gonna come back to those values a little bit because what ends up happening is once you've identified [00:37:00] your values, and by the way, raise your hand if you act on your values a hundred percent of the time.I mean, I'm, sometimes I'm like, I'm not gonna act on that value today. Like, I know per, I'm like, I'm gonna yell at my kids right now. You know? So this is not to say we all do this, we all need to take a break from it. And there are times where. We can look and say, am I acting in a way that is ultimately also paying attention to my long-term goals?You know, if I was screaming at my friends or loved ones every single time I got upset, that might be different, right? I wouldn't be acting on my values then, but if occasionally I'm just like, I just gotta let you know. Okay, that's fine. We don't need to always walk around and, you know, acting so perfectly.Um, so the idea behind acting with purpose is to say once you've labeled those values and you know what they are and you've decided to have a little flop time, right? That might be a good thing. 'cause you need to do some self-care, you need a break and that's okay. That's acting on the value [00:38:00] of self-care and kind of re reenergizing yourself.However, you've said there are a lot of times when the flop time isn't so productive and it could be a little bit more efficient and maybe I'm just engaging in some procrastination. So that would not be something that acts on your goals. So. This is an area where we think, once you know those goals, think about what are my long-term values?What are the things I wanna get out of this? Sometimes I'll say to the students going to school, I'm like, all right, just imagine you're on. Uh, you're, you're getting on the road and you know, the end of this journey is what you wanna do is to what? Graduate with a certain grade point average or with a sort of academic goal in mind.And do you wanna have some friends in that process? Yes. I wanna have those, you know, I wanna have some good relationships. Okay, great. So we know that that is the road that we're going towards, or most of our values are gonna be about self-discipline around studying, making good connections, which we'll talk about in a little bit.And I'm gonna say, and sometimes we're gonna [00:39:00] decide when to go off the road, right? Like, when is it okay to take an exit from that? Because we do not expect for that to be happening all the time. And so, but if you know you're taking the exit and you're like, I wanna take the exit, alright, and then I can get back on the road at some point, then that's fine.So this is a way for saying, okay, what are my goals? What are my behaviors? And then if you do a little exercise, sometimes, like I'll say, okay, let's look at academics. Let's look at socializing. Let's look at your physical health, et cetera. And we'll say, how close are you to acting on these goals? Are you hitting the bullseye?How far away are you? And then we just talk about what are some ways to get you back on track? Or maybe this one's okay to take a back seat for now 'cause we can focus on another area, but at least you're doing it with awareness. Um, and so we just wanted to give you that option. Um, so for you guys, not to put you on the spot, but were, are there times when you acted against your values?And [00:40:00] again, that's okay. And we all do it. And then did you realize it at the time or, or later? Yeah. Any, any thoughts? I mean, I'd say definitely, um, the most common occurrence is when I'm actively laying in bed, looking at my phone, knowing that I should be doing an assignments. Mm-hmm. Um, and continuing to lay in my bed.But also deliberately, uh, not responding to emails and the like, um, kind of afraid to get a response, I suppose. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Good examples. Yep.Um, I would say similarly, uh, sitting in bed, you know, scrolling on TikTok or something and I know I should be studying or, uh, I know I need to finish this homework assignment and then it's late and I'm like, shoot, I, I have to do this right now. Mm-hmm. As I know I'm not waking up in the morning to do it if it's due in the morning.So, um, [00:41:00] definitely that acted against my values. And same with like socializing with my roommates, um, having a common space. This year we had a living room, um, and you know, we'd all just be hanging out and I knew I had stuff to do, but again, I just prioritized kind of the social aspect over, um, that, and I don't think I realized it in the moment, but then once I.Started to do my work, I was like, okay, I probably shouldn't have saved it to this point, but yeah. Um, yeah, I would say procrastination's a good one. Um, especially with social media, um, you can kind of fall into like this never ending cycle of like, oh, just 20 more minutes and 20 more minutes go by. And you're like, well, 10 more minutes won't hurt, and then it's like three hours later and you haven't really done anything.Um, so that's a big one. And then I think a good one too, um, for me personally is sometimes [00:42:00] it can be hard in social circles to always kind of be the person you wanna be. Um, like there can be pressure to act a certain way or, um, to like talk about people a certain way or, or, um. Yeah, just in general, like have this general consensus when you're in, uh, a social group.So I'd say sometimes I struggled with kind of standing my ground and mm-hmm. Um, leading a conversation or, or interjecting in a conversation in the way I would've wanted to. Yeah. Out of fear. Those are all great examples. Great examples, and very common. Um, I think that the big, if, you know, you said thoughts are not facts.Um, the big takeaway here is that sometimes you have to do motivated, you can't feel motivated. And so a big part of this skillset is how do you start to [00:43:00] use actions to help you feel motivated? For instance, how do you. Act in a brave way socially, to help you actually feel more confident socially, that a lot of times people wait to have the right thought or the right situation, but we, you know, to be true is there are a lot of times where actions can start that process, but shockingly, we use procrastination as our example here.Um, to say that a lot of times you, you all describe various things that we're pulling at you. So, um, just the actual dopamine hits of social media or just kind of the brain fry that's allowed, it sort of cuts out some of the noise, which can feel really relaxing in a stressful world. So I get it. Um, emotions, anxiety, social anxiety, a willingness I want, I wish to connect to friends.I mean, these are all understandable reasons, but, um, pulling at you. And so for instance, with procrastination, we know that oftentimes what happens is there's an anxiety trigger. [00:44:00] Okay? And then. The question is, I think I might fail. Another thought might be like, oh my gosh, this is gonna be so atrocious.It's more dread. Mm-hmm. Um, or I don't know where to get started. There's a lot of different thoughts that might lead to this. And then you start to feel that maybe the pit in your stomach or you feel a little flushed or the tightness in your chest, right? So your body and brain are starting to say, Ooh, heads up.This isn't a good situation. And so what do you do you avoid? So when we feel anxious or we feel a sense of dread, those are emotions that lead us to kind of pull back, avoid, um, or escape situations that make us feel that way. So procrastination is primarily an emotion regulation technique for managing dread and anxiety.And so what happens when you procrastinate is anxiety actually does lower in the moment. So unfortunately you have way too many ways to feel fine about procrastination 'cause our attention can go elsewhere. We've got those great friends to hang out with. But once you're done with that and that runs out, [00:45:00] what do you know?The only thing that's gonna happen is you're gonna feel that anxiety again. And so it, it's just like this rollercoaster. And if we had more time, what I would do is show you the opposite. To be true that this cycle can work backwards. Where if you say to yourself, I'm only gonna study, but I'm gonna study honestly for five minutes.Where do you think you're gonna be more likely to actually feel motivated to study? Is it while you're looking on your phone in your comfy bed or is after five minutes of just doing a opening up a book? Right? It's after doing the action, then you actually can start to feel motivated. And so it's a hard sell.Um, but it's also the, one of the more effective ways to change your emotions and your thoughts is to practice behaviors that are purposeful for you. Right? Alright. Okay. Two more letters. Two more letters, okay. Creating healthy relationships. So we've already talked a lot about relationships. I think there's like two things that I would like to talk to about, about this.So, Sarah and I talk about this concept of a friendship [00:46:00] matrix, and oftentimes what I'll hear from college students is that they. Uh, have either one have a friend group and they're like not very happy with their friend group. And usually it's because there's something in this matrix that's kind of missing, right?They have takers, the friends that are constantly asking, you know, I'll hear about this. Like, my mom's gonna be so mad at me like, I paid for dinner again last night for everyone, right? Like they have the friends that are just like taking from them asking of things, right? Not really giving anything to the relationship.Or they have the friends that are really fun, but they don't feel really emotionally connected to them. They're like, Ugh, I miss my home friends. Like, I just feel like if I'm having a bad day, I can't really talk to them about that what we tend to see is that people just out of fear, hold on to the friends that they kind of make initially, right?And really struggle with looking for people within this matrix that might fit a little bit more of the areas that are missing. And that it's okay to have some friends that are fun to go out [00:47:00] with, right? But. You might need to work harder on finding, let's say, what we would call an anchor friend, somebody that's really reliable and dependable, and that would be there for you when you're having a hard time or a family member's ill or, or something like that.Um, and then in the same vein, I had know a lot of people that like, have some of those friends, but maybe they're like the quiet, dependable friends, but they don't have any friends till they, they like wanna go out and maybe sometimes they wanna go out and just have like an adventure friend, a friend that they just wanna hang out with.So, um, what I think is important is to evaluate your friendships. You know, somebody had said something to me that, , not editing or adding to your friendships is a surefire way to be unhappy in your relationships, and that we should always, throughout our life, be on this process of editing, evaluating what are our friendships kind of doing for us, and adding or taking away from our friendship circle.Um, I think we've spoken a little bit about some of the social stuff. I wanted to talk really quickly about that there are some relationships that are not. [00:48:00] Just peers in college. Um, and I think this is, and I'd love to hear your thoughts about this, a neglected area, and I see this a lot with seniors that I work with, um, that they've gone four years and they don't have a single relationship with a professor or a mentor or someone on campus.In high school that, you've got your college counselor and you have this familiar face with someone, but depending on your university and how large it is, you can be pretty invisible on a college campus for a period of time and for some reason, and as someone who's taught before, professors are really scary for a lot of students.And they're not used to, I think like going to office hours, reaching out for help, sending emails. Any thoughts about navigating relationships that are not just your peer relationships, , on campus? I. I mean, yeah, so I think I got two examples specifically. One is more, I guess, professional and one's more friendly personal.Um, I've got one [00:49:00] professor who, 'cause obviously now you have these, the brand new professors are all of the later millennial, um, generation. So I have a professor who I had this year who has, you know, um, a halo, a big video game. He's got a halo helmet in his, in his office, and we talk about that stuff. And so even when you don't have, I guess, peer like connection, like at that moment, it, it is nice to have that, um, especially 'cause they can then also help with, you know, your schoolwork and then having a professional connection.Um, a professor who I'm gonna be doing my master's thesis research with, um. Yeah. That also helps, uh, in terms of just navigating what, like the, your, your next steps, you know, your future. Um, and that, I think those, they both kind of act on almost as anchors in their own rights mm-hmm. To [00:50:00] help ease a lot of that, um, underlying anxiety.I would say one of my biggest regrets. When it comes to things that I didn't take advantage of while I was at university, is definitely not going to office hours enough for professors. Um, something about it just always kind of scared me. Um, not even that it was scary to talk to professors, just that I had no idea what I was gonna say, uh, going into it.And I kind of felt like, well, if I have no real questions, like why should I go and talk to my professors and take up their time? Um, so I would say my biggest piece of advice is even if you don't have something that you're struggling with, definitely go to office hours at least once. Mm-hmm. Um, and professors are usually more than happy to talk to you, um, regardless, and it can be good to build up that rapport.Mm-hmm. Um, and the times that I did ask for helper or reached out, they were. More than [00:51:00] receptive. Um, so really the help is there if you ask for it. Mm-hmm. Just getting over the hurdle of figuring out how to ask can be a little tough. So, um, when I did do it, what helped me the most was kind of coming in with a plan of what I was gonna say.Um, but yeah, I wish I had taken more advantage of that resource.Um, yeah, I feel like, uh, in a professional relationship it's, it's a lot harder, especially, um, it really depends on the professor. Um, I mean, you can go to class and, you know, your professor seems awesome. They even fun. Like I had a statistics teacher this year, uh, and he was awesome, funny guy. Um, the class ended up only being guys.It was like 25 of us. Uh, he loved the joke and it was just, it was a great time. But then there's classes where, um, the teacher's really difficult. Um, maybe the homework's hard. The tests are hard. Um, and it makes it harder. It's kind of like a barrier. 'cause you don't. Wanna make a relationship with them. If they're [00:52:00] already making your life hard enough, you're like, you're like, Hey, I don't want to go see you, um, if I already don't like going to your class.So I feel like it's really dependent on who the professor is, um, but also that they leave an impact on you. This year I had to apply for study abroad for next year, um, and I had to get two teacher recommendations. And this is where I kind of thought about this, like, Hey, what two teachers can I even ask?Right? Which ones would even accept it or, you know, wanna help me out? And so just thinking back to it, um, my accounting teacher, uh, freshman year, I had him for both semesters. He, he overlapped our class into the second part of it. Um, so we, same people and everything, and he was awesome. I went to his office hours, really nice guy.Um, and so I reached out to him. Um, and I, I said, Hey, I would love if you would fill this out for me. And like, they sent him an email link. He never responded to me, but he still did it, so, okay. I feel like, I feel like he, he felt like our relationship was good enough to Right. And he knew me as a person [00:53:00] that, right.He could do that. Um, so yeah, I feel like it really just depends on, um, kind of like how they perceive themselves to you. Um Right. And I would say going to office hours, going to even there's tutors at the school, um, who are students both will help you, um, with your academics and Right. If you're confused, don't hesitate to ask a question, email them.They want to help you no matter what. Even if you don't like them, they'll still help you. Okay. They're either like eager to help. I know it's part of their job. I know. And it is reinforcing, and I always say like, prof, like there's nothing worse than a professor who sits in their office hours and nobody comes.I mean, it's like the most demo as someone who's been there. It's the most demoralizing thing. But you talked about tutoring professors. I think this transitions well into like, okay, like yeah. Five alarm fire. There's, we saved the best for last, right? Like, how are we gonna handle this effectively? And we'll go through this quickly.We don't wanna keep you too long. We also wanna make sure you have time for questions. Um, but no matter what happens in school, even if you're doing, having a [00:54:00] pretty typical time that are gonna be stressors that come up. And so how do you handle those things with some, to your point, you said grace, um, or, or, you know, um, or some resolve.And so one of the things that can happen is a lot of times people are making choices when their logic is turned off, when they're feeling already really high in their emotional state. Um, and that if people are really, really anxious, angry, sad, are, we're naturally inclined to start to engage in actions that will help us with those emotions.So if we're anxious back in the day, that meant we are on the plane and a tiger was coming, and so we gotta get out of there right when we're sad. It's really effective to withdraw and regroup. It's helpful when you have loss to have to have that withdrawal. However, what happens now in these modern times is we feel sad or we feel anxious when we, because, you know, we saw a picture of a, something on social media that made us bound out, right?We're not actually [00:55:00] experiencing loss. So we end up engaging in a lot of reactive decisions when we're in this emotional high emotion state. And what we really wanna do is to say, wait, let's ride that emotion out until we can get our logic rebooted and then engage in it. And so the, the, I can't believe we have another acronym.It's our last acronym, acronym. Now I'm, this ISS my favorite one. Now I'm embarrassed a little bit about it. Like now I'm, maybe we should tone it down. No, this is my favorite. This is my favorite one. Um, so this is just a quick hit and I actually think this one involves a lot of the skills we've talked about already.But I found that I'm working with people. It becomes a, just a, um, a. Like a hack, right? If they say, oh, poise. It's a shortcut to pausing and instead of acting on impulse, a lot of times again, we're have the emotion, we react. Mm-hmm. Right? We think, oh, it's scary to talk to that professor, so I'm not gonna do it.So pause, and instead of acting on that impulse. [00:56:00] Pull back, observe. That means noticing how is my body feeling? Sort of that, taking that distance from thoughts. Alright. What thoughts are kind of rolling around in my head? Oh, okay. I have a lot of thoughts. Or that it's a one big thought that's happening or, oh my gosh, I have thoughts kind of popping up like popcorn.Um. Inhale and exhale. So that's just 'cause we needed it to say, you know, I instead of d. Um, but I also, there's another reason for that. 'cause when I tell people to breathe, oh, it's so they've heard it so many times, I know that they get mad and so this is, this is something we're like, okay. But it also still does, it's really important enact a helpful calming strategy.Um, so take at least one deep breath and one exhale before you move on and then start to stretch out your options. This is again, going back to some of the themes of flexibility. So one option is to not see the professor and that would be the, something that is not gonna be make or break it. Another option would be, do [00:57:00] I go in and I wonder what would happen if he's cranky?Maybe he's cranky, but he likes people come to his office hours and suddenly his favorite. Right? So, sort of stretch out your options instead of acting on instinct and then engaging in that effective action. So. That means essentially that values bullseye. We were talking about like what is the action here that I want, what is the overall long-term goal or value guiding my decisions?Um, there's obviously a lot more ways to do some distress tolerance and you know, you've heard us repeat it before that are more resources, uh, resources on our podcast for very specific skills in terms of writing through hard emotions. But poise is just such a nice quick hit. Um, so in terms of the resources, if you scan there for the tip sheets and the episodes, then you will get access to a lot of the things that we've talked about here.Um, I think I can even check this out guys. Oh look, I do it. Look at this tech savviness. [00:58:00] Check this out. You get a little preview. Um, alright, so some of the things we've talked about and some of them are just expanding on some of the ideas we've discussed and we also wanted to show you that. The, the list of episodes that you could find on these particular topics?So many. This isn't even our whole catalog. Yeah. Hmm. Okay. We've been busy. And then, and then this other thing is just to say that we do offer a course or a short course where we really go into a deep dive on all of these skills and have more practice and have people sort of start to map out their journey with us.So if you think that's something you or a friend would be interested in, get in touch with us and we will start to form, um, start to form groups. And we do those in, typically do those in small groups. Um, and it's not something that is a group process or anything like that, it's just more of a class on how to practice some of these skills, um, with some [00:59:00] guidance.Okay. Any questions? Any questions for our college students?You are also in. Much more connected to your present friend group than we ever were when we went to college. We had to relearn people's phone numbers, et cetera. How easy or difficult was it for you to create a new friend group world while still being very easily accessible to your old?Good question. And how did you balance that? Um, for me, I would say the beginning, uh, getting there, it was, it was really hard. It feels like, uh, everyone was kind of clicking and I felt like I didn't click right away. Um, I feel like it took me a few months to really find my friends there and I kind of relied a lot on calling my hometown friends and saying like, Hey, guy, like, what are you up to?Like, but a lot of the time they were busy with their new friends at school, so that was kind of hard that, uh, especially when it was the beginning and I hadn't clicked with my people yet. Um, and trying to rely on them was hard. But then once. [01:00:00] I was able to find my people at school, it felt like, okay, we're kind of all in the same boat now.And you know, we call each other, uh, occasionally, um, some every day. Um, just say, Hey, what's up, walking to class or something. Um, but I, I definitely think, uh, staying connected with your hometown friends is huge. 'cause you've known them for so long and they, like, for me, I had one friend who gave me great advice to kind of just put myself out there and, you know, just talk to people like no one's gonna judge me.It was just kind of like that mental block at first, but, um, it just took a little bit of time.Yeah. Um, I kind of lucked out in that most of my home friend group is not very active on social media. So even if I was the one struggling out of everyone, I don't think I would've known. Um, but I think that. With, at least with my friend group, it was pretty easy to stay connected [01:01:00] in that we, when we would come home for, for breaks, uh, it'd be very easy to kind of pick up where we left off because we've known each other for so long.Whereas, um, with school friends, because those friendships are so kind of new, um, and in their infancy, it's more, um, I found it more difficult, especially because like we were saying earlier, um, a lot of these friends are just kind of like, we had the same class together in the sixth grade and happened to be friends and now we've been friends for however many years.And then at university you're like a much older, different person and you're going out there and trying to make, um. A new, like a whole new friend group. And it's hard when those friendships aren't the same as your home friends. Um, but in reality it makes sense because you've only known them for like a [01:02:00] couple months or a year.Um, so I think that what helped me the most, um, was kind of talking about it with my hometown friends as well. Like it was a good support system, um, to chat about how our social lives are going, um, how we're feeling about our friend groups, how we're doing in that moment. Um, but also kind of being realistic or, or, or knowing that even though we're not talking as much, it's still easy to kind of pick that back up, especially when we're back for the summer, um, and making the effort when we are in person.I mean, to be honest, I'd say even still, um, to, to find a balance between like the hometown group and school group, I wouldn't say it's all too difficult because at the end of the day, you've been friends with your, I guess, high [01:03:00] school hometown group long enough that even if you go a few weeks without talking that much, they're still gonna be there.Um, 'cause it's honestly just the simple act of finding that school friend group that is the most difficult part. 'cause it really wasn't until this last semester, um, that I really got like a, an actual group together. Um. And I mean, yeah, it's kind of just like, whereas with my hometown group, you know, I can just, they'll always be there.They'll ask, you know, what Allie was saying, just ask, talk about how things are going at school versus, you know, talk about the past. So I really, I wouldn't say there's too much conflict in terms of that balance. It's just the actual, you know, finding groups that's the most difficult.Well said. Yeah. What advice would you give, uh, a student coming into freshman year [01:04:00] per se, if, you know, I find that so many people struggle when first get to school and like they're so nervous and then everyone's Instagram makes you feel like everyone else is okay. You don't feel okay. How did you kind of deal with that yeah, I mean, I know exactly what you're talking about. Every single time I would look at Instagram, I, to be honest, just kind of feel worse about myself because it feels like everyone was doing something super fun or you know, vacationing in Europe or whatever. To be entirely honest, same, I know that doesn't change my solution, um, was to simply stop looking at Instagram.Love it. Uh, unless I'm like, you know, messaging someone or looking at a specific person's like story. I rarely ever use Instagram anymore and to be honest, I'm all the better for it.Yeah, I definitely resonate [01:05:00] with that. I think that, um, Instagram especially. For, um, women in college too is such a big part of our lives, um, which is very interesting in itself. But, uh, it's a way for people to kind of show like, this is how fun my social life is and this is what I'm doing. And it can be very difficult for a lot of reasons, um, to see that every day from so many people.Um, when the reality is most people are probably not. Um, having the best time 24 7. But I think what helped me a lot, I've definitely cut down on my Instagram usage a lot. Um, when I was a freshman and sophomore, it was much harder for me to not be on Instagram. I've since like, deleted Instagram, um, just because I would spend way too much time on Instagram or social media.And it took me a long time to get to a place where I was like, it's okay that I'm not on it. Um, I don't feel like [01:06:00] fomo. Um, but I think that always when you're going on the app, like remembering like this is a curated, like version of this person's life and it's like snap moments and you can't really tell anything about a person, um, through Instagram.And then, um, I think on the social aspect of it, I struggled a lot freshman year in the beginning, like my roommate. Was way more extroverted than I was. Um, and I kind of latched onto her for a lot of my initial friendships. And so my biggest advice would be to definitely like branch out individually. I found a lot of help or like I found a lot of my current friends through doing like activities and organizations that were not related at all to my, um, freshman friend group.Um, and [01:07:00] as well, like saying yes to things. I think that that's a big, big part of finding new friends. Um, and just remembering that like social media is really, shouldn't be like the biggest, most important thing. And that having those little moments and interactions with people, even if they're not like your closest friends, where like a class.Friend tells you, let's go out for coffee, and you say Yes. Or like someone's like, oh, like, you're so nice. We should hang out sometime. And you actually follow up. Like I think having those little interactions helps a lot. Um, and tuning out, like the noise that can be on social media a lot. Well said. Mm-hmm.Um, I feel like, yeah, at the beginning of freshman year, seeing kind of everything on social media. Um, but one of the biggest things was, uh, at Providence, like, we don't have football. And so at the beginning of like the fall, um, I'm seeing everyone at football, tailgates, football games at all these big schools or even small schools.[01:08:00] And it, it was kind of one of those thoughts where it made me question like, did I make the right decision to come here? Was this, do I do it? Would I rather be what they're doing? Mm-hmm. Um, when in reality it was just kind of one of those thoughts that like those seeing that made me change my mindset, but I.In reality, I, I'm happy where I am. Right, right. As much as I wish I had football, it's like, it's not, it's not that big of a deal. It'll always be there. Yeah. So, um, yeah, I think that you guys have said so many wise things. Yes. Thank you guys. That, um, it's so much, I think it seems much more authentic coming from people who've just been there versus like, here I am saying things like Facebook.Um, I, I do wanna say that loneliness is more common than not. It's actually very typical and normative to be lonely. If you think about what has happened, if you're not lonely, I'm not saying it's a problem, but you're in a new place where you know no one, and [01:09:00] you're not in your comfort zone. So it makes more sense to feel lonely.The not, but no one talks about it. So everyone assumes they're right. They're alone in that thing. So I just, that's the other thing when I, everyone's going to college, I'm like, assume you'll be lonely. Assume everyone else is too and assume they're not gonna tell you about it. And if you just kind of go in, it might make it feel a little easier Right.For you. So, well thank you guys for being here. Yeah. I think you know, part of Wave Strong's mission and definitely our podcast is to make mental health a part of everyday conversation. And thank you guys for starting the conversation and yeah. Yeah. We appreciate y'all.[01:10:00]