Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 37: inviting ease and pleasure into the creative process

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37: inviting ease and pleasure into the creative process · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

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  in this moment what I'm really calling in to this process and to this journey that we are
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  taking with this podcast is ease babe I am calling in ease I'm inviting myself to experience ease
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  pleasure a lack of tension you know and flow and the words that came to my mind came to my heart
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  were that the people you make art for don't want you to suffer in theory I understand ease in
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  theory I understand pleasure but in practice in body in my body I'm not carrying ease I'm not
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  carrying pleasure if you become your fullest expansion creatively what could that unlock for the
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  collective if we all expand expansion is contagious expansion is something that we are
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  designed to give and to receive from one another I cannot listen to an expanded person and not feel
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  expanded hello sunshine and welcome back to paradigm shift with I understood a place where we
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  reframe what is and reimagine what could be I hope you enjoy today's episode let's paradigm shift
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  together hello divine beings and soul siblings I am so grateful to be back with you to be in your
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  ears on your speakers it is one of my greatest joys I am coming off of such an energetic high
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  because on Sunday I had my first master class experience where I was sharing and teaching about
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  alchemizing and overcoming and facing creative fear and all the ways that fears come up in the creative
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  process and I am just so proud of myself for honoring this idea and this vision that I had and seeing
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  it through it was a course of maybe five to six months of interviewing about 60 of you on your
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  experiences with fear and then grappling with what is the best way to birth and bring this into the
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  world in terms of the format creating this course with my best friend of four modules and then
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  deciding that the first module on creative fear itself was an experience in and of itself and then
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  committing to that and giving the experience and going through the process of trying to promote
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  that and learning so much about some of my own gaps in my own conviction in the idea itself
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  which was so filled and closed by this experience it was magical it was divine people brought their
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  full presence they were so engaged people were so vulnerable and asked such beautiful questions and
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  it's so interesting because I've been thinking a lot about projection and how we project onto each
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  other our worst fears and imaginations and the part of this master class I was most afraid of
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  which was the questions because I can't control them I can't prepare for them I was scared that
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  ask a question that I felt I was not able to answer or not ready to answer and I would essentially
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  fall on my face and the projection there was essentially these people are out to get me you know
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  that's what the fear brain is thinking rather than the idea of the opposite of fear being love
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  and in it we spoke about how the opposite of fear is also trust so when we bring in that energy
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  of I trusted the people who are in this container are supporting my highest thriving that if they come
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  with questions it's because they are genuinely curious they're not trying to have me fall on my
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  face and embarrass myself they just want to know something and I trust myself to be able to meet
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  them with my fullest presence and love and wisdom and the funniest thing if we let life surprise us
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  and if we awaken to the possibilities funny enough the part that I was most afraid of of the
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  master class ended up being the part that I enjoyed most the questions the feeling of being
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  able to listen to people and receive them and play back what they were sharing and also add my own
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  thoughts on what they had provided even visions I feel like I kept saying the words what I'm seeing
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  is and it felt like this divine mystical experience and I enjoyed it so thoroughly and I can't
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  wait to bring more of you into this experience and the course itself is going to be launching
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  in mid February and I'm very excited for that experience to be on offer on demand so people can
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  take it at their own pace and now I don't feel the sort of tension about sharing it because it's
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  almost like this is just an invitation I genuinely believe in this work and I can't wait to have more
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  people be a part of it that's the energy that I'm bringing now whereas I feel like my big lesson
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  in this was I feel like I was bringing this apologetic energy like I was sending the email and I was
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  like oh sorry basically for having this course that I'm charging money for and I was in
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  this really apologetic energy and now that I have such deep conviction in what I'm doing and in
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  the way it's received and the transformation it can offer I just know that I'm doing something
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  that is so rooted in my love and in my passion and in my desire to support people on their journeys
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  and to continue to do that both on this podcast as well as in that experience as well as in my
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  writing so it's just like different areas of the ecosystem and that people are able to access
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  at different levels and so it's still an ecosystem and the vibe is the love dimension that's
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  what I like to call it now it's like this idea of love being a form of consciousness that we
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  can always invite ourselves into what would love do next what is the most loving thing are you
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  doing this in alignment with love and love can alchemize fear what if instead of everyone
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  cancelling me or being against me what if there's love here two of my closest friends I met
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  through TikTok and if I had stayed in that mindset of what about all the cancellation and the fear
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  and the hate comments I wouldn't have opened myself up to the possibilities of the love and the
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  community I just had that on my heart and I wanted to share it with you the real focus of this
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  episode is a word that keeps coming to me and something that I'm inviting myself into and so
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  therefore I really want to invite you into as well and this is for me related to the creative
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  process and yet I think it is relevant to life in general we are always creating we are creating habits
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  we are creating relationships we are creating expectations of other people and of events and we are
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  so often so wrong in our expectations we don't see all the things and so we say oh this person
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  would never want me to go up to them and say hello that's a negative expectation we've placed
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  when actually maybe that person also wants to say hello to you you know what I mean and so how
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  we expect our lives to go is something that we are subconsciously also creating we're also creating
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  as I've mentioned ways of relating to one another ideas that come to our minds how we then choose to
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  honor those ideas and bring them into life in whatever shape or form we choose and for me the creative
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  process as I think for many people it's kind of a way of engaging with life there's this beautiful
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  quote by I think it's by sad guru or it's just in general something that's said in by spiritual
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  teachers and thinkers is in this moment there is all of life and I think that is so precious I
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  actually didn't even pause for long enough in this moment there is all of life
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  and what I see is kind of this montage almost is everything everywhere all at once montage of all
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  the things we've experienced and lived and the contradictions and the paradoxes that we hold and
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  the experiences we've had and the way that we've related to other people and the birds are chirping
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  and there's air that somehow allowing me to breathe and I am this being with many cells inside of
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  me that all of these things slip past my awareness and so we tend to think that we need to go learn
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  out there somewhere else and yet what he says is basically that part of our path is really looking
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  at life and not shying away from it and in this moment what I'm really calling in to this process
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  and to this journey that we are taking with this podcast is ease babe I am calling in ease I'm
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  inviting myself to experience ease pleasure a lack of tension you know and flow and the words
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  that came to my mind came to my heart were that the people you make art for don't want you to
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  suffer I feel like I bring all this suffering energy you don't see it but to my creations I'm
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  always like suffering for the episode I'm suffering to edit the episode not in a deep
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  huge way like I love this but what I mean is there is that frequency of struggle that I'm bringing
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  that I record the episode and then it's not good enough I record it again it's not good enough
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  I record it again when actually what was really the difference between the first one and the eighth
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  one you know and I don't get to the end I get to like minute nine it's not good enough again again
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  and we spoke about this in the course which is essentially this torturing feeling of perfectionism
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  of never feeling worthy enough and what I've been thinking of with respect to perfectionism
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  is it really is a self-worth thing it's that we don't feel worthy of imperfect action like we know
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  there's an imperfect version of the step that we're trying to take but we don't feel worthy of it
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  probably from childhood probably from how we've been valued probably from how we've tried to make
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  ourselves safe in the in the systems the family structures the institutions we've been a part of
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  have taught us that a way to try and prove our worth is through the paradigm or the experience
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  of perfection performance and so now we're trying to create imperfectly and we don't feel worthy
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  of that so with this podcast which I am feeling like I'm colliding with a world of possibility a
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  world of how I'm supposed to be manifesting in this world through this medium and it's been
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  really such such a divine unfolding and when I see people's feedback it makes me feel so aligned
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  because it's like what they are reflecting back is exactly what I'm trying to mirror into them what
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  you are what you are reflecting back to me is precisely the love and the energy and the wisdom and
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  the vibration that I am trying to mirror into you project into you in a positive way there's also
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  positive projection right when someone sees the absolute love in you when someone sees the
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  possibilities in you when someone sees the pleasure that is possible for you what are they doing they're
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  taking their view of the world they're taking their energy and they're projecting it into your heart
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  we only think of projection in the negative way oh you're projecting don't project and yet
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  if we think of the mechanism it's like projecting what is believed to be true by the one being
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  onto the other so if I say to you you know you are love and love flows through you love is unfolding
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  for you at this moment even if you feel deeply isolated and alone even if you are deeply isolated
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  and alone love is unfolding for you that's a projection I see a possibility in a future and I'm
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  sharing it onto you so I really think this idea of good and bad dualistic thinking it limits us
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  from deep more deeply connecting with a specific conditional trait and if you're watching this you
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  saw this all this just draft because we are inviting ease so with all this struggle energy that I
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  was bringing to these podcasts it suddenly occurred to me that we embody the codes that we've learned
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  from the systems that have made us so I used to work in corporate and that energy was really
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  tension it was you will only deserve will be worthy of the release once the meeting is done once
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  the presentation is done once the big scary thing is over once the week is done once it's Friday
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  and so I had this dream of the graduate school and all of this reflection that I meant to be a
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  full-time creative and went through that path and I'm on that path now and what I'm realizing is
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  what I was really realizing as I was preparing for this master class was you know this day of
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  creating these this presentation and stuff it doesn't necessarily feel any different from how
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  I felt in that corporate job but why is that of course it feels different in terms of the purpose
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  of the work the intention the love the deeply personal nature of it but the tension I'm carrying in
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  my body the stress I'm feeling about the event it's like I've copy pasted or I've I've brought with
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  me all those codes of how work is meant to feel or allowed to feel and I brought it into this space
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  and so what we tend to think is oh all I need is a different path and then I won't feel this way
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  the thing is if we are seeking work that is more free we also need to become the kind of person
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  who can experience freedom while working if we are seeking work that feels more meaningful and
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  light and pleasurable it's not going to come only from the work you could be working on a
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  presentation you love but if you're bringing the energy of tension anxiety stress fear it's like
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  your body is still implementing the codes that it's been taught so it's like about I don't love
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  the idea of reprogramming because of the association or equation of the self and a machine or
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  computer but essentially you are re-teaching re-learning how to experience a different relationship
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  to work because we also create how we relate to work especially creative work which is more free
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  so when I thought about it in this way that the audience of this they don't want you to suffer
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  they're not sitting there like oh I hope I under suffers today to make this presentation so that
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  she can teach me about fear no they support my highest driving they want me to feel love
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  they want me to feel pleasure they want me to feel connected to myself and to them they want this
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  to be an offering from a space not of stress and tension and perfectionism and anxiety but really
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  of love of gentleness of ease and that shift for me was so powerful and it helped me a lot in how
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  approached the event where there were like little glitchy things that happened and I just released
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  the tension of it like you know when you're screened a sharing and you're on the wrong window
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  or whatever I was just like you know what I'm flowing this is happening in this moment there is
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  all of life yes I'm making a mistake that's life yes it's not going according to plan that's life
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  yes I am still love yes I am still a vessel for love and divine creation yes I am still a vessel
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  for wisdom yes wisdom still flows through me and that is all of life and so it was such a beautiful
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  experience because I felt like wow there is a different way to relate to my creativity so the
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  invitation for you is really believing that you are worthy of ease of pleasure not only once you've
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  created the thing because we do this we have our to-do lists then we say okay once this is done
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  then I'll celebrate myself once I've honored this commitment then I will feel worthy of the
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  pleasure and the celebration and the ease then I'll take a break then I'll escape to my favorite
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  show or book not in a negative way escape literally doesn't have to be again we have words that
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  we have negative associations with but the word itself it's just a sound and then each of us
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  are picturing different associations to that sound and often this is culturally informed so
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  escaping there's so much we should you know we would desire to escape in this world so
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  escaping to a world that an author and artist has created for us can be a really beautiful thing
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  it's about receiving I've been watching the brothers son on Netflix and that's literally how
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  it's been the most divine escape it's been a beautiful escape it is such a beautiful TV series
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  I will say it does have a lot of violence like action fighting and stuff like that
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  which I usually avoid because I'm quite sensitive to I worry how it affects my subconscious mind
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  this is recent in earlier years of my life I liked like action not loved but like I enjoyed
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  those types of things and now I actually am quite sensitive to violence I prefer things that
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  bring me levity or that take me away from the violent nature of reality but I will say this show
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  I literally feel like I am being transported I just sit there and I receive and I receive the
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  absolute genius of the show of the creators of the show of the actors and performers in the
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  show it has Michelle yo it has Justin sheen who I didn't know but he was an incredible actor
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  and Sam Lee I think is the other main actor I didn't know these actors but they are other than
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  Michelle yo but it's incredible it's such a good show I love it and something that I really
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  believe when I'm watching a show is I give you my full presence I surrender to what you're trying
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  experience so this show I really received the escapism of it it felt really pleasurable and divine
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  and I loved it and so what I was saying is I believe in giving shows my full presence my phone is
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  not visible when I watch shows and I in general I like to have my phone right now it's not in this
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  room I like to have a huge physical distance and separation between me and my phone because I
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  feel like my phone is emitting energy and it's not an energy that for me is very supportive so I
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  think I would feel a bit more like tense or anxious if my phone was in the room with me now versus
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  I'm feeling this openness is possibility because with the phone there's always a possibility
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  of reaching for the phone of going on social media of checking your messages there's a lot of
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  just this feeling of my ego self versus I want to be in my soul self I want to be in my flow
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  self I want to be unencumbered by what these addictive tech companies have in store for me and so
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  I had specific periods of the day my phone is away from me but essentially I loved that feeling of
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  escaping but what I was saying with escape was that we've been taught this mode of work
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  where we are working so that we can release so that we can escape and creativity offers this portal
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  into a world of creating with those things that we've been taught we can only escape to
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  creating with ease creating with escape like we can build whole worlds we can I'm literally
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  looking into a camera screen and talking it's a form of I'm not in my my reality that I
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  that I'm I'm in a portal of creation so it's a beautiful kind of escape there's drawing and
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  escaping to the visual world is the idea of flow state which is the notion that if you are one
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  with the activity you are performing whether that be an athlete playing soccer or musician playing
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  a piano piece or an artist drawing or a speaker speaking or a writer writing they become one with
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  that activity they become completely lost in space and time they lose track of space and time
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  time both speeds up and slows down that is flow and isn't that a kind of escape because we don't
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  get to experience flow all the time so we're escaping the way that we usually live which is in
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  reality in space in time what time is it what day is it you know what I mean that's the paradigm
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  that we're living in so when we invite ourselves into ease and into flow we're also inviting ourselves
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  into a beautiful kind a spiritually beautiful kind of escape so when I thought about this notion
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  that like the people I'm making this for they don't want me to suffer they want me to thrive they
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  are supporting my my love my pleasure my ease why because they value me as a person and also
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  because they know that's going to make this whole thing sustainable if you are carrying this tension
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  you can't sustain that we burn out we let go of projects that no longer feel like we can
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  bring flow to them they become unsustainable the most sustainable thing we can do is make it easy
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  is make it pleasurable and understand that there are specific invitations I love the notion of
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  invitations I feel like the universe is always inviting us into things and there are moments where
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  we are being invited into ease but we may just ignore that moment we might say no no I can't do
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  this has to be stressful I have to be hunched over my laptop editing this 50 minute episode and
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  be stressed but that's not actually that's a limiting belief about our capacity to hold pleasure
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  and to hold ease because we carry the codes of the systems that made us so it actually takes
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  quite a lot of learning to understand and to experiment is another word that has come into my
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  consciousness a lot lately is some of us we we struggle to make specific decisions and in the
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  culture that seen as indecisive that seen as a negative thing I don't agree at all I think when
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  you are indecisive which I am it's like you see all these different possibilities and you don't
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  know which is the right way to go because you know that so many times what you could have sworn
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  would be the right move actually you know had other areas or aspects that you weren't anticipating
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  and vice versa so now you kind of understand the wisdom of uncertainty the wisdom of not knowing
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  the wisdom of being like I think this will happen but I can't be sure versus the audacity the
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  self righteousness of saying if I do this I know this will happen when has that ever really been
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  true I mean there's an intuitive knowing and I agree with that and also we can all think of
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  instances where we have been so certain that we wouldn't enjoy something or that something would
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  go wrong and quite the opposite has happened and vice versa where we thought something would be
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  so for us or someone would be so for us and unfortunately we turned out to be wrong and also it's
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  not so binary are we right are we wrong it's really the magic of what we discover along the way
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  there's this poem that my cousin read to me and I'll find the name and put it in the show notes
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  that's really been stuck in my consciousness in a beautiful way and one of the two lines that
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  have been really resonant for me and I literally can't remember if I brought this into the last
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  episode or not because it's been so front of heart for me is we are the mystery we borrow the body
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  and I think that is so wonderful because it's like we are the mystery we are this great unfolding
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  that we have no clue what's going to happen next what's already happening what will unfold what's
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  already unfolding and that's so wonderful to think about that that in terms of like we are the
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  mystery so of course when we in decisive beings face decisions because we are so in mystery
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  consciousness because we are so in uncertain consciousness in a in a beautiful way we sort of are
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  made to be unwise unwise by the culture oh you should just know what you want why don't you know
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  what you want because of course I don't know what I want there's so many things where we think that's
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  exactly what I want and it turns out that's not what we wanted or we wanted a different version of it
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  so with inviting this ease into this space it's this invitation to say what if you get to feel the
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  flow and the ease and the pleasure and give your love instead of saying oh I need to carry this
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  tension so that I may release it like we're working for the dopamine rush of the ending of
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  completing something and sharing it and maybe even receiving feedback on it but actually what we're
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  doing counterproductive or counterintuitively is we are carrying more tension so that we take our
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  tension higher so that we can experience the drop in tension but what we don't realize is we're
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  still uping increasing to decrease whereas we can think to ourselves okay this is the code I've
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  been taught that in order to experience release I have to kind of I have to experience tension
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  the idea of authentic goodness it's Friday right that's the that's the system we're living in
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  they have manipulated time such that we have these points where we feel we're worthy of the release
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  because we get to have a break from the things that we have to do right instead of frilicking with
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  the earth and being merry and being in community so instead saying to myself you know what release
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  and further release is always possible sometimes I do these meditations like a yoga need your
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  meditation which you can find on youtube and it says relax the muscles in the eye and have I ever
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  just walked around thinking oh what if I relax the muscles in my eye what that teaches me is
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  there's always more levels more deepening layers of release that are available I don't have to
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  carry tension to experience the pleasure of releasing it pleasure is actually my birthright and
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  pleasure is something that I can always tap into of course in the construct of the world and I
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  think pleasure activism by Adrian Marie Brown is such a guiding light on this topic because many
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  people think oh no we can't change the world if we are focusing on pleasure and what she says
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  is it's quite the opposite if we center our imaginations on the notion that we are always worthy of
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  pleasure and of community love connection ease then we embrace the energy that's actually going
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  to sustain our movements and not make them toxic and not make them inhospitable not make them rooted
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  in what we don't want only but also what we want to see because pleasure is really constructive
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  imaginatively it's like what do we want to create so that we can experience this feeling and I've
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  been revisiting this book because it's been the invitation of like how can I actually
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  in theory I understand ease in theory I understand pleasure but in practice in body in my body I'm not
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  carrying ease I'm not carrying pleasure I'm struggling and I'm stressing and then when the
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  episode is out I'm like oh finally it's gone you know I'm happy that I've served the world today
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  but why must I serve the world from that place can I invite myself into something different
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  and if we observe nature and I'm going to read to you a few quotes from pleasure activism to really
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  solidify this idea in our hearts but if we observe nature we see this energy of ease all the time
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  we see that nature usually unless we've done it too nature it doesn't hold tension
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  there may be choppy waters but they don't generally stay choppy there is this feeling that there's
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  lots of ease in nature there's the bristling of wind there's the bristling of the leaves and the
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  wind there's the cool feeling of wind against your skin there's the sunrise easing in gradually
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  or the sunset easing down gradually or the hues changing and taking place it's not rapid it's not
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  stressful it's easeful and yes there are these periods of sprints and release that is something
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  that happens like the leopard hunting it's hunting for food and then it's releasing into ease and
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  so that is a pattern that we observe as well there are many patterns to observe the pattern
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  that I want to study is really all the images the feelings the intuitive understanding of ease that
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  nature gives us even our desire for sleep and rest is an example of this that ease is our
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  birthright like we need it to survive we need rest we need release we need a slowing down in order
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  to really be and the most interesting thing is our consciousness really rewards the state of rest
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  when we are in that state of rest some of our most beautiful divine ideas and it intuitive
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  downloads can come to us in that space between rest and awakeness
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  and then there's the ease again of the ocean just imagine the water the calm waters I know there
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  are rough waters but there are also calm waters and because we have this consciousness we are the
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  universe experiencing itself and I believe in cosmic consciousness I believe that the whole universe
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  is conscious in its own way in the way that it needs to be just like the idea that if you say
• 28:00
  loving words to a snowflake it grows more intricate that just shows me that consciousness is not
• 28:07
  just ours right plants have got their own kind of consciousness their own kind of awareness I
• 28:12
  read this incredible essay about this and the book that it's an excerpt from I think it's called
• 28:18
  Planta sapiens and I'm interested in reading the book but I haven't but I will link to the essay it
• 28:22
  was so divine about this notion of the consciousness that plants may have and maybe I'll do an
• 28:28
  episode on that as well because it was such an amazing experience reading that essay and I've kind
• 28:32
  of forgotten it so maybe reading it to you will allow me to remember it and put it back together
• 28:38
  again in my consciousness so eases really are both right those slow Sundays oh soft jazz or
• 28:49
  sensual music or something just soft candles and we are seeing this reclamation of softness
• 28:58
  but we also have to be careful that it's not only accessible through the paradigm of consumerism
• 29:04
  what can we buy to experience softness buying things does you know like a soft robe on your skin
• 29:09
  feels amazing and also there's definitely things to be wary of because again it's this feeling of
• 29:15
  working really hard hustling so that you can experience these momentary experiences of softness
• 29:20
  and I think softness is such a wonderful thing that a lot of people are trying to access more and
• 29:25
  more in their lives this idea of softness a love that is soft a life that is soft a home that is
• 29:32
  soft we're seeing that a lot and also I think it's important that that not be fully equated with
• 29:40
  consumerism and what we're able to buy and access and purchase that for all of us on earth softness
• 29:48
  is our birthright softness is an experience that we can tap into connecting to the ocean I can feel
• 29:54
  the ocean within me but of course as long as the systems we live in are stressing us out and as long
• 30:01
  as there is just mass suffering in the world it becomes that much more impossible to access softness
• 30:07
  and also maybe even something to question so anyway softness is an invitation that is also
• 30:12
  possible within the creative process I wanted to close by reading you these beautiful quotes by
• 30:19
  Adrian Marie Brown that I think are just so precious and really ground us in this notion that
• 30:25
  pleasure is our birthright pleasure actually fortifies our dreams for a different world our dreams
• 30:30
  for a more loving world our dreams for a decolonized world and also ease and love connection and
• 30:37
  community are so connected to an intertwining with pleasure so let me read you those quotes right
• 30:43
  now she says pleasure is not one of the spoils of capitalism it is what our bodies our human systems
• 30:55
  are structured for it is the aliveness and awakening the gratitude and humility the joy
• 31:03
  and celebration of being miraculous hmm did you receive so it's saying that that it's not one of
• 31:15
  the spoils of capitalism as in one of the things that capitalism affords us only in a privileged way
• 31:21
  but rather it's what we're really wired for I give you think of why can we experience if someone
• 31:26
  touches our skin we feel this electricity why can we experience orgasm why can we experience pleasure
• 31:33
  laughter oh like we are wired for this for this feeling of aliveness for this feeling of glee and bliss
• 31:42
  it is our birthright and it's the systems and structures that have made it more and more inaccessible
• 31:48
  and more and more unequal just as there's income and socioeconomic inequality that then also
• 31:53
  creates inequality in terms of how much we feel we are able to access these things and I love how
• 32:00
  she ends the joy and celebration of being miraculous that is so wonderful because it's not outside of
• 32:07
  us it's not something that we are doing it's we are already a miracle we are already magic we are
• 32:14
  already literally it was almost impossible a one in four hundred trillion chance of us being here
• 32:23
  and then we have these complex body systems that we don't even fully understand and yet that are
• 32:28
  supporting us and we have people that we're able to connect with we have frequencies that we're
• 32:36
  able to tap into we in and of ourselves we are our brains are wired for language so we are meant
• 32:43
  to speak to one another and to communicate with one another we're wired for connection we're wired
• 32:49
  for love we're wired for seeing and being seen and so that's why it's so deeply painful when we lack
• 32:57
  these things when we feel that loneliness that soul level loneliness of not having the conversations
• 33:04
  the connections the community that we seek desire and need of being isolated right so pleasures are
• 33:13
  both right because always in this moment there's the joy and the celebration of being miraculous
• 33:19
  and when I think about the tension that I hold while I'm creating these episodes and then while
• 33:24
  I'm editing them really and especially in the editing process there's a lot of self criticism
• 33:30
  and we were speaking about this in the in the master class where someone was sharing that
• 33:34
  it's very difficult to face yourself while you're editing and to see yourself struggling
• 33:40
  she was sharing a story of saying the same line again and again and again and it was this beautiful
• 33:46
  connection because I feel the same way I feel like facing myself in editing all the self criticism
• 33:52
  and the shame comes up and the blame and the all of it comes up and I have a note on my phone which
• 33:57
  I've shared on my TikTok that's essentially you are not shameful and it's a reminder to myself I
• 34:03
  just opened it up to say thank you I received this message I'm not shameful okay so this quote
• 34:12
  that I'm going to read next is kind of an invitation into this relationship to ourselves she says
• 34:17
  ultimately love for the self is the deepest pleasure we deny ourselves isn't that so interesting
• 34:27
  love for the self is the deepest pleasure we deny ourselves we don't allow ourselves to fully
• 34:32
  access and yet it is one of it's the deepest pleasure she says she says I work daily to be courageous
• 34:41
  enough to indulge in the purest pleasure of self love what's this interesting juxtaposition
• 34:51
  that's forming in our minds we don't usually view it as courageous to indulge in pleasure
• 34:57
  and we don't usually view it as the deepest pleasure to love ourselves so there's a lot of
• 35:04
  reconditioning reinvitation that's happening here because it does in this world that's constructed
• 35:10
  in this toxic masculine western imagination but essentially that because we've learned these
• 35:18
  codes from these systems it actually takes courage to go against that superstructure in our bodies
• 35:26
  and allow ourselves invite ourselves into saying what would be the most pleasurable thing for me to do next
• 35:33
  and we also do this with information we stuff our brains with more and more information so
• 35:38
  we listen to all this information and sometimes our bodies actually just want silence they just want
• 35:45
  the pleasure of resting in a moment of silence and I know that sometimes that can be very
• 35:51
  anxiety inducing but if we think about our hunt to gather ourselves there was so much silence
• 35:56
  there was also community and singing and togetherness so I'm not saying silence alone in fact
• 36:01
  many of us are terrified of silence because then we have to confront the deep sonliness we feel
• 36:07
  so there's a difference between solitude as they say which is this kind of nourishing form of
• 36:11
  company with oneself versus loneliness which is the mental health threatening life threatening and
• 36:18
  social fabric threatening form of isolation this feeling of a deep panging in our hearts for
• 36:25
  company and not just anyone's company but someone who's going to speak to our deeper selves and
• 36:30
  hold our deeper selves and that is such a unfathomable notion for so many on earth and so many of you
• 36:37
  listening to this and my affirmation is just that love is unfolding for you community is unfolding
• 36:43
  for you I affirm that and I'm manifesting that from me to you the last quote I want to read from
• 36:50
  this book really gives you an overview of like why she wrote this book and why pleasure and activism
• 36:57
  combine because again there's a surprise there right we don't usually associate activism with
• 37:02
  pleasure activism is about fighting activism is about struggling we call it the struggle activism
• 37:07
  is about pushing fighting systems breaking systems tearing down systems so how do you get pleasure
• 37:12
  and activism together it's this beautiful combination of usually unrelated ideas because we often
• 37:19
  associate pleasure with something that's frivolous something that's extra something that we may
• 37:23
  get to experience once or if or when not now pleasure is rarely now and pleasure is rarely seen as
• 37:31
  something that can coexist and even be conducive to the process of activism so let's read her
• 37:38
  intention because I think that will really ground us in this work and hope that you receive the full
• 37:44
  download and I really invite you to read this book it's quite beautiful Adrian Marie Brown says
• 37:49
  my intentions for readers of this book are that you recognize that pleasure is a measure of freedom
• 37:57
  pleasure is a measure of freedom and when I hear those words I also think about how much shame we
• 38:05
  carry in our bodies such that pleasure becomes very challenging to access fully and so that shame
• 38:11
  lives in the body and that shame blocks the fullest experience of pleasure so that's why I love
• 38:15
  this idea that our pleasure is a measure of our freedom notice what makes you feel good and what
• 38:22
  you are curious about have you done that have you noticed when you are in pleasure you could keep a
• 38:31
  note on your phone things that feel good moments that feel good and I think you'll find a beautiful
• 38:39
  connection collection of stories from that learn ways you can increase the amount of feeling good
• 38:46
  time in your life to have abundant pleasure decrease any internal or projected shame
• 38:54
  or scarcity thinking around the pursuit of pleasure quieting any voices of trauma that keep you
• 39:02
  from your full sacred sensual life create more room for joy that's what I'm trying to do in this
• 39:12
  episode I just want to feel the joy I want to feel like the feeling I'm getting is like I've never
• 39:17
  done this but I really feel cool to it like hands on clay like the central feeling of your hands in
• 39:23
  clay I don't know there's something very central and grounded and joyful about that to me also the
• 39:29
  notion that I'm just one with this clay I want to really try that I want to go to like a ceramics class
• 39:35
  one day manifesting that create more room for joy wholeness and aliveness I have that whole
• 39:43
  episode on aliveness and less room for oppression repression self-denial and unnecessary suffering
• 39:52
  I think that's been the whole invitation because we know suffering exists but there's also
• 39:57
  unnecessary suffering and that's often the suffering we say oh I have to suffer in order for
• 40:01
  this relationship to work I have to suffer in order for this friendship to work I have to suffer
• 40:07
  in order for this creativity to work so we bring these codes again from these systems into all of these
• 40:12
  areas of our lives until we realize wait why am I suffering this is exactly what happened to me in my
• 40:17
  last relationship where he's polyamorous and I was trying to invite myself into a new way of relating
• 40:24
  I'm not polyamorous so I was suffering unnecessarily to fit into what he needed
• 40:30
  and eventually I was just like what am I doing this is not my I love and respect and hold so much
• 40:36
  space for people who are reimagining love and and possession and desire and also theory cannot
• 40:42
  police feeling I'm not sure who said that but it's a banging quote you have to trust how things
• 40:47
  feel in your body so I think there's also this hierarchical structure that's developed where
• 40:52
  now it's almost seen as though because it goes against the paradigm that we exist in some people
• 40:58
  view polyamory is like a higher form of love but I think wherever there's hierarchy there's going
• 41:02
  to be suffering and that in my romantic longing episode we speak about this from Bell Hooks
• 41:07
  where she says that like love cannot exist where there is domination in all about love as well as
• 41:12
  in communion so similarly if you are in a relationship with someone who thinks their form of loving
• 41:17
  is superior to yours love cannot thrive there like if we think about love and we think about the
• 41:24
  earth and all the different species on earth the little animals the insects the little things in
• 41:30
  the soil that replenish the nutrients of the soil we think of the flowers we think of the red flowers
• 41:36
  the pink flowers the orange flowers we think of all the variety that's how I believe love is there are
• 41:41
  so many abundant forms of love and there's so many different manifestations of love and so we
• 41:48
  can never say my love is better than yours if the real process of that is love so we're not talking
• 41:57
  about toxic love because in Bell Hooks's world that's just not love so we're talking about truly
• 42:02
  like love love love love love makes the world go around that cannot be placed on a hierarchical
• 42:08
  structure so love between friends is just as valid as love between lover and and lover a truly
• 42:15
  loving bond between parents and child between adopted parents and child between if it's truly love
• 42:21
  it's love there's no more legitimate parent or there's no more you know it's just it's love flowing
• 42:29
  and we need that love to flow and to open ourselves as vessels not only for giving love but for
• 42:36
  receiving it and also doing that and practicing and experimenting with ourselves what would make me
• 42:42
  feel more loved right now so for me I feel really loved when I give myself this space to speak
• 42:50
  from this energetic state of being and really allow myself to be embodying what I'm saying
• 42:57
  rather than creating this perfect plan for the episode and reading and feeling really stuck and
• 43:02
  contracted for me love feels expansion expansive yesterday I called someone who I'm going to see
• 43:09
  next week but I just I had to I had to hear her voice I was like I just miss you so much I can't
• 43:13
  wait to see you and we spoke for like five seconds and it was a beautiful five seconds so I let love
• 43:18
  flow through me I didn't know she was going to answer and of course I had access to being able to
• 43:22
  call her love can be like wow the bird just chirped it wants me to acknowledge it it's almost like
• 43:28
  you know how when you perform you're like making an accent for your friends you want them to be like
• 43:34
  so maybe the bird wants that too they want to be acknowledged like yes bird go off okay make your
• 43:38
  sounds I hear you so I love that so much making more room for joy wholeness and aliveness and I
• 43:47
  love that idea of room like is there literally room is there space are you creating space for these
• 43:53
  things and then creating less room for oppression repression self denial and unnecessary suffering
• 44:01
  she's not saying your oppression is your fault and if you're feeling of no no no not at all
• 44:07
  but sometimes because we've been so conditioned we hold it in our bodies we hold it in our
• 44:12
  beings we hold it in our states of thinking and expectations and then we create a lot of room for
• 44:18
  it to keep and to persist within us so also we're also on both sides right so if we're creating room
• 44:25
  for oppression that's also things like the way we treat and regard others self denial is such a
• 44:31
  powerful point what are you denying yourself of at this moment sometimes we deny celebrating
• 44:40
  ourselves while trying we say I'll only be worthy of celebrating what I'm doing once it's worked
• 44:46
  once I know that I'm on the right path once I can see my quote unquote success that is self
• 44:52
  denial instead of saying whoa I wrote a line today like that's incredible let me go celebrate that
• 45:00
  what are we denying ourselves from accessing sometimes when we don't look at each other in the
• 45:04
  eyes because it's uncomfortable we avert each other's eyes as we walk around we're denying ourselves
• 45:10
  of the pleasure of connection and the possibility of a pleasurable connection because sometimes you
• 45:15
  just have these random moments with strangers that are so delightful and random and because we're
• 45:20
  living in many people more and more atomized ways they that becomes a form of denial but then
• 45:26
  we carry that code within us when we've been isolated we carry isolation so we move around
• 45:32
  we're on our phones we're afraid of looking up and looking out because of the risk because it's
• 45:37
  always a risk to love it's always a risk to relate it's always a risk we don't know what the other
• 45:42
  will do we don't know how we will be received but there's the invitation we don't know how we will
• 45:46
  be received so in what way do you deny yourself of pleasure we also do this with food which could
• 45:56
  be a whole episode but essentially this idea that you'll be worthy of pleasurable food once this or
• 46:03
  that has happened and the whole diet culture paradigm exists through this lens of self-denial
• 46:09
  repression of desire and all these things and then so many phobias and and and and forms of
• 46:16
  oppression live through this paradigm as well where we deny ourselves access to a kind of love that
• 46:21
  maybe we were not taught was meant for us and that's this notion of heteronormativity as well where
• 46:26
  your condition to believe this is the love that is meant for me and then the unnecessary suffering
• 46:31
  holding that word unnecessary and in our creativity it almost is always unnecessary that we suffer
• 46:37
  like who is telling us to finish these drawings I must suffer and the invitation then becomes
• 46:44
  because obviously everything coheres in in a way like I don't want to blame us for suffering
• 46:49
  why are we feeling like we must suffer like just ask myself okay my darling you're struggling
• 46:54
  like while I'm editing what is making you feel like that's your only option at this moment
• 47:00
  what would make you feel more pleasure in this moment what would make you feel more ease
• 47:04
  and I did this journaling exercise where I said you know what I'm gonna adopt the mindset
• 47:09
  of an editor who is not me and I'm gonna say my only role as an editor I'm gonna say my only role
• 47:16
  as an editor is to make this person thrive and look good I don't mean in the physical sense but I
• 47:21
  mean in their ideas my only goal is to support her look at her she's trying to spread love she's
• 47:26
  trying to spread wisdom I support her I've got her and I was able to relate to myself in a different
• 47:32
  way as I was editing that episode and getting it you know finishing it and trying to finish it
• 47:37
  in a way that felt pleasurable and then she says identify strategies beyond denial or repression
• 47:46
  for navigating pleasure in relationship to others and begin that's the whole thing I was mentioning
• 47:53
  I used the paradigm of heteronormativity as an example and begin to understand oh the other
• 47:58
  thing is for an example oh friend shouldn't hold each other like this that's a perfect example
• 48:03
  of the denial and repression of our birthright capacity to experience pleasure when we say
• 48:09
  friend shouldn't cuddle like this like oh you know that's that's not right who taught us that
• 48:15
  so this imagination this colonial imagination and this imagination that's rooted in policing love
• 48:21
  rather than letting love bloom and letting love expand it's a way of repressing and denying it
• 48:31
  it's a way of saying I kind of want to reach for my friend's hand right now but I'm not going to
• 48:35
  because that's not allowed so in what ways do you repress your expression of pleasure and love
• 48:44
  in this world and then finally begin to understand the liberation possible when we collectively
• 48:54
  orient around pleasure and longing now that is so powerful when we collectively orient around
• 49:03
  pleasure and longing because what does that open a portal into if we collectively are rooted in
• 49:09
  what we long for we start to have different conversations we start to say okay wow I really long
• 49:16
  for community I long for a space where we can come together talk dance create maybe a space where
• 49:23
  there's more facilitated conversation around a specific area of our lives I long for a space where we
• 49:29
  can create with each other where we can come together and there's just paint on the floor and it's
• 49:35
  there's painting there's paint and there's paper and we're just making things together I long for a
• 49:40
  space where we can sing together we just come together someone starts singing a song that they
• 49:44
  think most of us will know and we all just sing together no karaoke no technology just us and our
• 49:50
  voices in this ancient practice of singing that we've done for centuries and centuries and centuries
• 49:56
  I long for more time to be with the people that matter to me so there's this reimagination of
• 50:01
  how can we orient ourselves to time I long for a world where black people are safe and celebrated
• 50:08
  where queer people are safe and celebrated where all of us who now carry the identity of in some
• 50:15
  way marginalized become these vessels of pleasure and of ease and of softness that in the next world
• 50:23
  we are the softness keepers we are the love keepers we are the community keepers right we're not
• 50:31
  embodying this representation of what's been projected onto us which is that we are to be feared
• 50:39
  to be diminished to be ridiculed instead we are living as divine beings among other divine beings
• 50:46
  a long for spaces where we can receive spiritual education in person in community that reconnects us
• 50:53
  with ancient spiritualities the same spiritualities that the colonizer came and called savage
• 50:59
  and tried to impose their own way of seeing and believing onto us a long for spaces where we can come
• 51:06
  together and learn from each other's culture so what do you hear that is happening
• 51:12
  we are orienting our work together our imagination together around our longing and our pleasure
• 51:20
  what we seek to feel rather than what we don't want to see anymore both are needed
• 51:26
  but this we can even feel how we kind of feel this energy of like ascending or something
• 51:34
  or I don't know how to describe it tingling even deepening everyone experiences things differently
• 51:39
  a softness starts to form an image starts to form of wow wouldn't that be so amazing
• 51:46
  a world where indigenous belief systems and practices are celebrated in their multiple forms
• 51:52
  are venerated a world where we are deeply rooted in earth consciousness and connection to the earth
• 51:58
  and connection to ourselves as earth and where we are stewards of the earth rather than exploiters
• 52:06
  and extractors of the earth and she says that a bonus of this book and her intention for it is that
• 52:13
  we realize that we the readers are pleasure activists and I'm so I feel the pleasure of embodying
• 52:23
  her wish through this episode which is that we find a way to become pleasure activists to
• 52:30
  seed our longing for the future in pleasure in soil of pleasure in soil of love I know the word
• 52:38
  soil brings up it's kind of one of those words but it's crucial as a life force as just it's so
• 52:44
  wise and intelligent and it is what allows us to be and to eat and to experience and to be nourished
• 52:53
  but if we're planting liberating seeds in soils of toxicity of punishment of self-denial as she
• 53:00
  says of of furthering our own oppression and each others and this is what we see what she's
• 53:06
  coming from is in some of these spaces that are meant to be about movement and collective healing
• 53:12
  we find the same punitive practices we find the same practices of othering of forming groups and
• 53:18
  hierarchies so we carry the codes so we have to understand that pleasure is an invitation to break
• 53:25
  this code and to form a new code so I'm feeling complete I'm feeling like in this episode I really
• 53:34
  embodied the message that I was sharing which is that ease is always possible pleasure is always
• 53:39
  possible love can flow through us much more easily if we choose to channel that love through the
• 53:45
  notion that we are worthy of ease we are worthy of pleasure we don't only get to celebrate ourselves
• 53:50
  once the job is done we don't need to reduce our creativity into the same structures and paradigms
• 53:58
  and rigidity that we've been given and taught through systems that ranked us against one another
• 54:03
  graded us told us we were good or bad students and then work structures where they are hierarchies
• 54:10
  and there are outcomes and goals and there are ways that our emotions are then made to be
• 54:16
  repressed in those environments so I wanted to leave you with a couple of questions I know I've
• 54:22
  asked some questions but just more in case you want to go deeper my first big question for you my
• 54:27
  darling is how could it be easier how could it be easier how could it be more easy if you are if
• 54:42
  you have a vision and you're working towards that vision but you're struggling just the perspective
• 54:48
  zoom out and look at it from the universe's perspective and say if the universe is infinite
• 54:54
  there are infinite possibilities not only for the outcome but for the process so how could it be easier
• 55:00
  number two if you're listening to this I know that on a theoretical level you believe you are worthy
• 55:07
  of love of ease of pleasure but now I want to ask you my love are you embodying that knowledge
• 55:17
  are you theorizing it or are you embodying it if you believe you're worthy of rest are you still
• 55:24
  pushing past your limits and I know some of this again it's unnecessary suffering versus if your
• 55:29
  boss or someone in your life is making you do that but are you embodying the wisdom of ease
• 55:36
  the wisdom of pleasure is it flowing through you like pulsating through your pores into all the
• 55:41
  things you touch that beautiful Octavia Butler quote all that you touch you change and all that
• 55:49
  you change changes you and the next question I want to ask is because we're talking about self pleasure
• 55:56
  and experiencing pleasure through creation how can we be stewards or activists of pleasure for those
• 56:03
  in our lives how can we bring this energy of ease and pleasure and flow into the spaces that we're in
• 56:14
  so for example in my master class there was someone who said I was speaking really about
• 56:20
  an outcome based approach to creativity where you're really working towards something
• 56:24
  and they just reminded us that it's also about finding the enjoyment of the process itself
• 56:31
  finding the pleasure of the process itself and this is an idea that I believe in so strongly
• 56:34
  but I realized after that presentation that it was one of those things where theoretically I believe it
• 56:40
  but embodiment and in practice that's not the message necessarily I was sharing
• 56:45
  because I was trying to be conscious of the fact that people do have goals that they are working
• 56:49
  towards we're always holding the paradox of finding the flow and the ease and also there are things
• 56:55
  that we feel wouldn't that be nice there are futures we're envisioning realities we're envisioning
• 57:00
  where we are working towards them and also that invitation was bringing us back to the joy of the
• 57:08
  creative process as it is and finding that joy so this is your invitation this is your sign from
• 57:14
  the universe the shift that I'm inviting you into is from tension struggle unnecessary suffering
• 57:21
  in our creativity especially and in our relationships which are a dimension or manifestation of
• 57:26
  creativity and vice versa as in relationships our spaces for creativity and creativity is a space
• 57:33
  for relationship because in the realm of creativity we can assess all the things we're actually relating
• 57:39
  to not just other people but also how we relate to our art is a creative choice that we often
• 57:46
  makes up consciously because we've been taught a certain approach of you must suffer so that it
• 57:51
  can be its best work so that you can do great work you must suffer and we're trying to unlearn that
• 57:56
  and see the new type of being and creating and relating and then also in the paradigm of
• 58:02
  relationship there's always the option of being more creative of coming up with language of coming
• 58:09
  up with systems and little invitations in the relationship to really nurture the most thriving
• 58:16
  relationship that that can be sometimes we take the rules for relationships for granted we say oh
• 58:22
  this is what and this is what I love that I have learned from polyamory is just relationship design
• 58:27
  and being much more thoughtful about co-constructing and co-designing a relationship rather than
• 58:33
  letting us as social conditioning determine your relationships so that that was the third question
• 58:39
  okay so how can it be easier which you can always ask yourself if you're in a moment of struggle
• 58:44
  how can it be easier how can I find the release without needing to take on the tension
• 58:49
  number two are you embodying the wisdom of ease even as you know in theory that you are worthy of
• 58:56
  and number three is how can we become spaces of ease and of pleasure in the people in our lives
• 59:03
  lives can we be a reminder to them oh baby your sounding really stressed and anxious is there
• 59:08
  a way we can make this easier oh my love did you know that you're so worthy of ease and so if
• 59:14
  you're really suffering to make this maybe it's an invitation that it's it's a time to either
• 59:20
  take a different approach or just take some rest and stillness oh my love did you know that
• 59:25
  we're really seasonal beings so if you're feeling like that you are not creating or you are not
• 59:30
  living up to these goals and dreams that the New Year has really imposed on you invited you into
• 59:35
  that it actually is so natural and let's find the flow in the ease with our oneness with the earth
• 59:42
  and so when we hear our friends and the people in our lives stuck in this position of like I have to
• 59:47
  earn pleasure I'm not worthy of pleasure I'm not worthy of ease can we be the voices can we be the
• 59:53
  pleasure activists that invite them into more ease and into more flow
• 1:00:00
  I'm so grateful that I was able to share space and time with you today in this portal in this
• 1:00:05
  offering in this invitation I'm wishing you ease I'm wishing you the invitation that pleasure is
• 1:00:12
  possible and that through pleasure we can seed our imagination for what we want to see what we
• 1:00:19
  want to believe what we want to create together I'm sending all my love and I'm also affirming that
• 1:00:25
  you never want me to suffer in the creation of these episodes and that has been such a wonderful
• 1:00:29
  shift and I've only been able to come to that realization through the love that you've all shown me
• 1:00:35
  and through that love and through that reception and that energy you've vibrated back to me it's
• 1:00:41
  like developing this trust that I am held I'm supported we are trying to feed into each other to
• 1:00:47
  feed love into each other to feed nurturing into each other and to pave a different path
• 1:00:53
  so in doing that it's not only about getting the episode out and then being able to it's also about
• 1:00:59
  the whole end to end process trying to find as much flow as much pleasure as much ease as the
• 1:01:04
  process will allow I know there are spaces where ease and pleasure are not accessible to us and so
• 1:01:09
  I want to affirm that that again this is about the moments where we are embracing an unnecessary
• 1:01:14
  form of suffering I love you so dearly I hope to see you again very soon I'm sending you my deepest
• 1:01:22
  love gratitude and my deepest ease let it be easy babe let's be napping let's be resting let's
• 1:01:29
  be flowing with the universe and let's also be inviting moments of silence sound bath music is
• 1:01:34
  something that really supports me and getting me into that frequency of calm of release of ease
• 1:01:45
  because we can tap into the body to experience what we are trying to experience so if we
• 1:01:50
  want to experience more ease placing the body in an useful position whether that's lying in that
• 1:01:56
  like Shavasana pose listening to an audiobook or a sound bath receiving that just brings ease some
• 1:02:02
  of my best ideas come in that state or whether it's just I sat before this episode in silence and
• 1:02:07
  I just allowed myself instead of rushing into recording it and then recording it again and
• 1:02:11
  recording it again and recording it again just say what if you were not ready to record
• 1:02:16
  what if you need that time to let the water of your being and love and consciousness really
• 1:02:22
  just seep in and settle thank you to the birds chirping I acknowledge you I love you we are one
• 1:02:31
  and another thing that I always want you to consider is if you become your fullest expansion
• 1:02:37
  creatively what could that unlock for the collective if we all expand expansion is contagious
• 1:02:47
  expansion is something that we are designed to give and to receive from one another I cannot listen
• 1:02:54
  to an expanded person and not feel expanded I cannot listen to a movie that is expansive like
• 1:03:00
  everything everywhere all at once or the show the brother son or any of the movies that I've loved
• 1:03:05
  or shows that I've loved and not feel expanded that is the nature of art art that is expansive will
• 1:03:11
  expand and the artist that is expansive and expanding will create expansive art so sometimes we're
• 1:03:21
  so focused on our own ego protection but when we shift into a service mindset then we think okay if
• 1:03:26
  I become my if I release I spoke to someone on my call who's releasing this service of energetic
• 1:03:33
  healing and she was expressing fear and it's like but if I release this who could I then heal
• 1:03:39
  energetically who could then touch other people who could then touch other people all that we touch
• 1:03:43
  we change so it's just this incredible domino effect and so what is going to be our role what are
• 1:03:51
  we willing to expand into for the sake of collective healing collective imagination collective pleasure
• 1:03:58
  and collective ease I love you so dearly I'll see you next week bye I hope some paradigms have
• 1:04:05
  been shifted for you in today's conversation as always if you can please leave a five star rating
• 1:04:10
  on apple and Spotify like comment subscribe I love you so so much okay I love you join me on my
• 1:04:17
  subscribe links in the comment section go there okay love you so much love you bye