Latest / Voices for Voices® / How I Overcame My Addiction: Kelly Nagy's Journey | Episode 149

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How I Overcame My Addiction: Kelly Nagy's Journey | Episode 149 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I am your host, justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us and thank you for all your support for our organization and for all the people that we're able to help because of you.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: So this episode is a follow-up of last week's episode.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: So we have in studio Kelly Nagy.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: She, at our previous episode, was detailing her early life or early days, and we ended the episode on when things started maybe to crumble a little bit, and so we're going to pick up there with those experiences and then we're going to close out by coming full circle and using that experience to help others.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So thanks for joining us.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me back.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you bet joining us.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me back.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you bet, so we can.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Why don't we pick up when you were at the bedside of your dad and you had forgotten to take one of your medications and that you said thought, well, let me take two, because I would have thought the same thing, Like, oh, I need to pick back up and to get my body in that space.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: So can you speak a little bit about that and then get into some of you know, maybe the jail and prison type of thing?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: So where we left off, where my dad was passing away, and I was on Klonopinz at that time and I didn't take one that night.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: So the next day I took two and realized how good I was feeling.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, I'm gonna start to do this now because I feel so much better, I feel more in control of my life again and, just you know, at peace, at ease.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: So my dad passed away and we had the funeral a couple days later and the one thing my family pointed out is you're not crying, you're very in control of your emotions right now.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: And I thought I had grieved for so long coming forward because we knew what was going to happen to him that I had.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I was all cried out.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Looking back, I was numb because now I have numbed myself so much from the pain and everything.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: So I continued on taking my Klonopins, I continued stealing and writing bad checks.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: The family that I had mentioned in my last episode that I was babysitting for realized what was going on with their credit cards and they decided to call the police on me and I was just like, no, I didn't do it, I didn't mean to do it, you're wrong, you know.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Blame, blame everywhere on me, and I was just like no, I didn't do it, I didn't mean to do it, you're wrong.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: You know, blame, blame everywhere but me.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: And I remember driving to the high school that night to go work out at the gym in Twinsburg because that's where I lived at the time and all of a sudden, these cop cars came up behind me and I'm like oh, I ran out, I ran the stop sign, I didn't do anything wrong, and they asked me to come out of the car and they were arresting me for credit card theft, stealing identities and all that kind of stuff, and they took me to soul in jail that night, and I got released on a PR bond because I had never been in trouble before, went home, acted like nothing really happened.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: My son, though, was home by himself, and when I didn't come home that night, my then-husband at the time, you know, went home and dealt with all of that.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I went through my case in Summit County, and they gave me probation for it, okay, but I didn't stop when I went stealing and everything like that.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I had caught a case in Portage County also, and I remember being told, told you have to turn yourself in because you have been worn out for your arrest and never really being in trouble before and not knowing the law or what turning yourself in was.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I remember my mom was dropping me off at Portage County that day.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I had packed a lunch and I had a magazine because I didn't think that I was actually going to stay lunch and I had a magazine because I didn't think that I was actually going to stay.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: They would let me take my snack.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: And I found out, and magazine, no go.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: And they put me in a cell and they're like you need to wait, you're going to go in front of the judge and then we'll get you out of here.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: And I was just like I am not sitting in that cell with those people.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting over there because, in my eyes, I wasn't one of them.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: I need to use the bathroom.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm not using that one, I'm gonna use yours, absolutely not.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: So now I have a case in Portage County.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I'm on probation in Summit County, but I kept doing what I was doing because I was still taking the Klonopinz.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: The Klonopinz gave me that liquid courage to go out and, you know, do this and that and this and that.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: But then, november of 2016, I was driving to the high school again, my son, jack, was in National Honor Society and he had just gotten like the rose for it that night and he was going to give it to me.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: I'd also had a pizza for his drama club, which is another reason I was going there and I never made it there because this time around 10 cop cars were behind me Once again.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I thought I ran a stop sign, started grabbing for my license and all that stuff and they told me why it was there and of course I freaked out.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: No, it wasn't me, you got the wrong person All that.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: And then I was devastated about the pizza.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: You can't, it's my son's, you know.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Whatever, you need to drop off the pizza.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: And can you imagine my son's eyes when the police officers came to the door to drop off the pizza and your mom went to jail?
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: So that was the last time I was free.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I went through.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: That case took about five months and Judge Oldfield was my judge at that point and she had sentenced me to four years and 11 months in Marysville for those crimes.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: I look back now and I remember her saying you know I'm going to give you the harshest punishment because you came from a good family, you're educated, you had a good job and I never, ever, ever want to see you in this courtroom again.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: And at that point I still didn't think I did anything.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: You know it's everybody else's fault but mine.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: I realized I had an addiction when I was in Summit County Jail and I was detoxing and sick as a dog.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: And then listening to the other girls were you're addicted to this.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I'm not.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: My doctor gave it to me.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: And what I learned is it doesn't matter who gave it to you and addictions and addictions and addiction.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I remember before I went to prison, my mom had me sign away my rights to my son so she could keep him at her house and him not go to job and family services.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: I was so mad at my mom because, in my eyes, she had now taken my son away from me and I wouldn't call from jail for many, many months because I didn't want to hear how good their life was without me.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: In my eyes, time had stopped.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Nobody was having fun, life wasn't going on and of course you know it was yeah how did, how did you get through those days in in prison?
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Well, when I got sentenced, the lawyer I had I remember him saying something about a judicial release when you were there for six months.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: You can file your judicial release.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: As long as you have no tickets, you behave in prison, you're making the best of your time there.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: So I heard six months.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: So that's what I did.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: I got there, I made the best of my time, which is really interesting when you're in prison.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: I did not qualify for thinking for a change or for mental health services because my addiction wasn't severe enough, which baffles me, because my addiction was bad.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: My addiction caused me to be there.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: How am I not severe enough to get these services?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I could have benefited for thinking for a change, but I didn't qualify because I didn't have enough time there.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Four alums is quite a bit of time.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: So I had to make my own activities.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I started teaching aerobics in my dorm.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: I went off to AA meetings just to get out of there.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: At that point I never thought I was an alcoholic, but I realized I was an alcoholic.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I didn't have to get up and drink every day to be normal, but when I drank it's really, really bad.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I did correspond with my family.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: I finally heard from my husband at the time and I don't blame him.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I look back now.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: You have every right to be mad at me.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: My family had every right to be mad at me.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: They had every right not to talk to me.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: But I felt so isolated and alone because, once again, nobody I knew was ever in trouble, was ever in prison.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: So I continued to do what I was doing.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I did have to go back for my Portage County case and they just gave me time served with a Summit County and I was going to be on community control for four months when I got I'm sorry, four years when I got out of prison.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Six months from then I filed my judicial release.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: I wrote my letter, sent it to my lawyer, sent it to my family because I didn't know how they were going to get it.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: So in December they wrote me back to Summit County for my phase two of my judicial release.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Phase one is they look at everything.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: The judge is like yeah, I think she would be great for re-entry court.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: And phase two is you actually going back talking to the judge, her telling you about the program.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Do you think this is something that you want?
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: And then I got into re-entry court.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So I came home December 23rd officially of 2017.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that I mean.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: That's a lot going on and a lot to keep track of yeah did you say, did you have moments of clarity when you were, uh, when you were doing your time, because you didn't have a phone and, like you said, it's isolating, yeah, but some good was probably starting to manifest itself of okay, when I get through with this, I'm going to do something to make a positive difference.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go back.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: That's how I was.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I am not going to let this define me.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I am better than that.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: That is not who I am when I'm on drugs.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: I am a horrible person and I could finally admit that.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: And in Summit County Jail was my wake up call like oh my God, what am I doing here?
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: How did I get to this journey?
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: And then, and there I'm like I want to change, I want to do good, I want to help people who, at that time, a couple people, were helping me out.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: When I went to prison, I already knew that I was done with this life, I could not go back.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: So I still continued to maybe help girls in my dorm.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: You know, I talked to somebody finally at mental health services, called me down two weeks before I left to say you know what I think you do any mental health.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Really, I was trying to tell you that.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: so when I came home, everybody thinks it's fabulous, you know you're home, you're gonna go back to your normal life.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: But life as I knew it before didn't exist anymore.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: One thing I found when I got back I realized my husband at the time was a horrible alcoholic, was very verbally abusive and being numb.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: You don't realize that, but I had come to a point where I was like I can't do this anymore.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I am not that person anymore.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to have you yelling at me and telling me how horrible I am, how I ruined your life.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: So I remember taking what little money I had and leaving him and going to live in my aunt's basement for two years Because I was not going to be part of that, because I was not that anymore, and so for me, getting that courage and getting that strength to walk away was probably one of the best things I ever did.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I bet it was hard, hard and we hear you know cases, uh, you know domestic violence and and others where people go back for a variety of reasons and it it takes a a ton of courage and really believing in yourself that there is some good inside you and I think that is what you were starting to discover.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you finally identify yourself and I could have had a very cushy life then.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I could have had my bills paid and a house to live in and food and all of that.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: So for me to say I'm done with this and take my way out of there was progress.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I was starting to heal and I was in the program, the re-entry court that I had mentioned, and re-entry court is for people that went to jail or prison.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: They will bring you back on a judicial but they will put you in a program that they will give you mental health services, drug rehabilitation.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: You get put in classes that are appropriate for you.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: They will help you find housing.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: They will help you find food, go back to school, anything.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: You need to be a good person in society.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: And I graduated from that program in a year and I just felt alive.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: You know, I finally had my life under control.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I was in the front seat now versus looking in that rearview mirror and I was working at Akron Family Restaurant at the time, making really really good money.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: I was very at Akron Family Restaurant at the time, making really really good money.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I was very happy there, but I knew I wanted to give back because my story has not even really begun yet.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: I couldn't go back to teaching because I had felonies in my record.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: So you know what am I going to do the rest of my life?
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: So I remember in 2020, I was at Akron Family and my boss was like hey, you have two probation officers here looking for you and immediately if you've been.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: In 2020, I was at Akron Family and my boss was like hey, you have two probation officers here looking for you and immediately if you've been to prison, you're like okay, check, no parking tickets, I'm not using drugs anymore, I'm good.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It was Kyle and Emily from Reentry Court who came to find me to ask me to be part of this mentor program that they had running for Reentry Court.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: It was a fairly new program and they were running for reentry court.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: It was a fairly new program and they were looking for volunteers.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: I was more than happy to volunteer.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I wanted to help people.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: How we were good at it is because we'd gone through the program.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: We know what it's like.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: We know what to do, what not to do.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: So for three or four months I volunteered, kept my job at Akron Family Restaurant, but then the person in charge of that was let go for whatever reason, and I remember getting a email from Judge Rollins in 2021.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Hey, we want you to be this position.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: We think you would be amazing.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: And my first thought was what do I know about it?
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I never went to school for criminal justice.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: You know I had this degree, but I don't have that.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: And she said Kelly, you have real life experience, you know this program, you know how to help people.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: We want you to apply for this job.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: So I applied for the job.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: I got offered the job, which was fabulous.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: You know, I had to go through background check, which my background helped me get that job, so that was amazing in itself.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: I didn't have to worry about it.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: You know, they drug test, which is fine.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I started part time there in July of 22.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Then they offered me full time in December of 2022.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: And I felt full circle.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I felt this is where I'm meant to be, this is what I want to do the rest of my life, and I always say I wouldn't give up my experience for anything, because that made me the person that I am today and I absolutely love this program.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, they say when you go to work and it doesn't feel like work, that's the job you should have and that is the job that I love.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I absolutely love it the job you should have, and that is the job that I love.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I absolutely love it.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: And I think you weren't in your mind.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: You knew you wanted to do more than the restaurant, yeah, but that was what you were doing, and the doors, without you knowing behind the scenes, were starting to open, were starting to open in a positive light, and I think that that's one thing I've had to learn is sometimes good things happen when you least suspect it.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Like you said, you're at work and you're like, okay, checking all these boxes, and it ended up being a positive start and to get you, like you said, a job that doesn't feel like a job and you're giving back, you're giving your experience that what record you have for some positions might disqualify you, actually qualify you and give you, like you said, you've been through the program, you know what to do, what not to do, how to get it going, and I think that's something that is interesting because and myself I assume, when somebody's released from prison or jail, that, like you said, they can go back to their old life.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, they can do that, but a lot of times families, they don't want to see them, and so where am I going to live.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: How am I going to eat?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Like the basic things that we just take for granted?
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: And as a society, I think we can either help those individuals like recognize that, okay, there's some bad acts, bad things that have happened.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: But if I was in this position and, like I got released yesterday, I don't know where I'm going to get my next meal, I don't know where I'm going to.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I'm staying on a friend's couch, but maybe they're not.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: I'm staying on a friend's couch, but maybe they're not.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe they were just saying that.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: So it sounds like they're a little bit in front of our head and I think that experience that you have, really you're able to relate, and I think that's what those individuals, what they need.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: They need somebody to relate to, not somebody that's talking down to them, but somebody that's having kind of just that face-to-face.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: I always tell people I said I don't care what you did, that's in the past.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: I care who you are today and that's the person I want to get to know.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: One of the biggest struggles, besides transportation and maybe where you're going to live, is finding a job.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: So I started out cleaning toilets at a gym.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: But I was so grateful for that opportunity because now I have something on my resume that I did well at.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Then I applied for Akron Family and I remember going in there like oh my God, they're never going to hire me.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I have no experience whatsoever.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: They're going to ask me about the felonies and I remember my boss is like do you have any felonies?
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: And I said I do.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Did you kill anybody?
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: I said I do.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Did you kill anybody?
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: I said I did not.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: And they gave me that chance when nobody else would and when I got this job at the court.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I still work at Akron Family a couple of days a week because I don't burn my bridges.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: You know I want to keep that door open.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: I want to help them.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: But the other thing I've learned and it kind of goes back to the beginning what does addiction look like?
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: It looks like you, it looks like me, it looks like that homeless guy over there, it looks like that doctor, that nurse, that college student.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: It does not discriminate and it doesn't matter how you were raised or the upbringing.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: It happens.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: And what I tell everybody is that does not define you.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: The way you are now, the way you're gonna graduate.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: That defines you.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: That defines who you are now.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: The way you're going to graduate.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: That defines you.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: That defines who you are and when you become accountable.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I told everybody when I came home I did this.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: You didn't do this.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Thank God you took my son.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: He didn't have to go to child and family services.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you for that.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: And I know six years forward, about six years ago when I graduated my family is still kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop because of that experience, but I just do my thing and try to make them proud every day.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: The other thing I've learned never make a promise.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I promised my kids all this stuff and how many promises I broke.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: But I say now I will continue to do.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: Well, you don't want to promise anything just because, god forbid, something happens, but I've been sober since 11-11-2016.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I go to meetings and I do my lead, I go to different jails and prisons and I tell my story.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I have clients that are at home, but I also have some that are in the halfway house or sober living, and I make sure I stay connected to them every week too.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: So some people want to work with me, other people are like I got this, other people I talk to every day.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: You talked about housing.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: We will pay your first three months rent to make sure you can get a place to live, save your money, and when you have money then we kind of back off a little bit.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: So this program is set up for success.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: I guess before I started the mentorship program it was about, I'm going to say, 60, some percent successful, and I now think we're up to like 82% success rate in the last two years, which is huge which is huge and people ask me what's the difference between a regular judicial and reentry court?
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Regular judicial you'll come home, you'll get probation or whatever that looks like.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Good luck to you.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: But this one, you have resources, you have a whole support team and when you go to court every week for your status hearing, it's positive.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: You have people praising you.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: What can we do to help you?
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: If you have a sanction, we're not sending you back.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: We're going to work with you until we can't anymore.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: There's not a lot of people that go back.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: If you catch a new felony, we have to send you back to prison.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: But when you graduate, the rest of your time gets dropped.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: So when I graduated, I still have three and a half years left.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: I mean that's a lot, but you know it went away and I still live my life the same.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: When I first came home, you know I don't worry about ever going back.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: I know I'm not going back and if I do, that's a choice, you know, with a sober mind.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: So I'm just, I love my life and I always say who would have thought I'd get hired by the people that put me away?
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: You know I have keys to the courthouse.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I walk through security like nothing.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I have cops that I feared before actually having conversations with me.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: You know, it just feels so good to be on the other side, but I think my favorite part is just being able to give back.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I would have done it for free.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: I would have continued working at Akron Family full time and just volunteered.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: You know I didn't need to get paid for it.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: I love helping people.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think sometimes I get asked why do you do what you do?
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: How did you get started?
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: And, much to the same, you know I wanna give back.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: And then also, when an opportunity comes, you don't know how it's going to come, but if you're ready for it, kind of subconsciously, when it comes it's an easy okay what?
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: This is what I was looking for.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I either wasn't able to find it on my own before or nobody reached out to me.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: But now things are starting to move and I wanted things to happen in a week or a day and it maybe took a year or two.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: And I think being patient is one of the hardest things.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Anybody.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: That it's a virtue.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: It's hard to do.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Even try to tell like, oh, just be patient.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Like oh, it's easy for you to say because you're there.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: So I think, like you were definitely ready.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: So when that opportunity came, when those probation officers came and started that process, subconsciously you're like, oh, this would be ideal.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: And then, once those steps and those puzzle pieces start falling into place, that was something that made you emotionally tied to the work instead of it being, oh, I'm going to work, like, this is like my vocation, this is kind of what I'm meant to do, and so you have that loyalty to yourself, not to anybody else.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I always say there's something called fear of success and I think we all have it inside us and I was afraid to take that job because what if I wasn't good at it?
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: What if I let everybody down?
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: And there was no handbook to how to do this.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: The judges and the probation officers are like do this program how you would have wanted when you came home?
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Because we had none of this when I came home from prison.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: We did it by ourselves, with the help of the court.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: But having somebody who's relatable and who gets it has been, you know, life changing for some of these guys, especially when they don't have, like you said, sober support.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: You've burnt bridges.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: You know you can't go here, you can't go there, but when people see you doing well and your families, they're going to start to creep back in there.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: And you had a great point too it can't happen overnight.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: One of our guys, kyle, who's one of the probation officers, has to say slow your roll.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: You're going to sit in the backseat of this program.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: We're going to drive you to the end, you know.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: But once you're out of the backseat now, you control your life and never look back in that rear view mirror.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: And if somebody's not ready, there's nothing you or I can do.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: We can give them all the resources.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: But I always say I hope I planted the seed where maybe I can do this, maybe I can do that.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: And I also say I will give you as much as you give me, but I can't want it more than you do.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: And it's tough because you want to help everybody and I have a guy who, unfortunately, is getting terminated on Thursday from the program and it breaks my heart like I get to know these guys and girls.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: You know my job is at 9 to 5.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: I'm in the courthouse a couple times a week for court but, as you know, addiction doesn't happen between business hours.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: You know problems don't happen.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: So they can call me on the weekend, they can call me during the week, they can call me at nights.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: I have set up boundaries, okay, don't call me after 10.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: If you're calling me after 10,.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: You better be on your way to the hospital, you know.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: But I want to make myself available because that could be a difference between making a bad choice and having somebody listen and making the better choice.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Is there anything that we haven't covered?
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Where the time goes quick, it really does.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: I would say we talked about at the very beginning about panic attacks and medication.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: How do I control those?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Today I had to take IOP when I came home and ran Tricor and everybody's like oh, I hate to take classes, blah, blah, blah.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: That helped me because I know my triggers.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Blah, blah, blah.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: That helped me because I know my triggers.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: So if I'm going in a situation, a great trigger is when I first came home.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: My son was graduated from high school and he let me come to that graduation.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, all these people know why I went to prison.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, jack's mom is home.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, she's a horrible person.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: That was in my head.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: I manifested that.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: But I knew that trigger and I walked in with confidence like nothing ever happened.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: I'm there for my son, not there for anybody else.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: So I was able to control that situation because I knew what I was coming into.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, if I feel one's going to come on, I ground my feet, for whatever reason.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: When you're sitting there and you're pushing down, everything just goes down.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I add exercise into my day.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Like I said, I always exercise, but now it's more for the mental health than it is for the physical health we offer.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: Y Strong passes through the YMCA to our clients.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: I always say take your kids, take advantage, because exercise is huge.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: But I think the biggest thing is knowing my triggers and how to handle those triggers.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: And that's what I tell all my clients yeah, it's huge and I can speak from experience to it just knowing if you're going into a situation and if it is medication that you need if you're traveling, like, just split it out, find, find little containers each day so you won't take more than what I'm supposed to, and just little things.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: And that relieves stress because then I don't have to carry all the vitamin bottles and the prescription bottles, which at one time made up a small carry-on, absolutely Well and I always will say honesty, honesty will get you everywhere.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: And whenever I go to the doctor now one of the first I'm sober.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I can't have anything that's mind-altering, even though I could, because I'm not on probation.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: You know everybody's like it was a prescription you could go back to it.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: No, I can't because I'm not going back there.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I know how it makes me feel and never again will I ever put myself in that situation.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: So, being upfront and knowing yourself, knowing your goals, because it's so easy, like I said, to get that prescription again, but I'm not going down that route ever, ever again.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Wow, and I think that's a great place to end.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: So, coach, thank you for joining us for two episodes.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Excellent.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Love it and we'll, if you don't mind, maybe sometime next year we'll, have you on and see the progress that the program's making, and we'll do that and stay in contact.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you you bet and thank you, our listeners and our viewers, for joining us.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you for all the support.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: You can check this episode and all prior episodes out anywhere you stream content and we're also on demand with Hudson Community Television.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: And until next time, I am your host, justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, and please be a voice for you or somebody in need.