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Living Without Fear - When Siblings Hurt, Choosing Love | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

• 0:17
  Hello my beautiful souls. Welcome to the 125th solo
• 0:23
  episode of Living Without Fear. I'm Master Berkey, your folks
• 0:27
  from Switzerland, and I'm so happy you're here.
• 0:31
  If you're new to my podcast, I'm so grateful you found your way
• 0:36
  to this space where we speak from the heart, where we don't
• 0:41
  hide, where we shine. Now we run it in our tears and
• 0:46
  in our joy. And if you are a returning
• 0:50
  listener, thank you for walking with me on this path of growth,
• 0:57
  vulnerability and truth. Family, such a beautiful word,
• 1:03
  and yet for many of us, also a source of deep challenges.
• 1:10
  Today I want to share a story from my own family.
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  Not to blame anyone, but to reflect together on how we can
• 1:22
  choose love over all patterns. Today I want to open my heart.
• 1:29
  It's not easy to speak about my family, especially my younger
• 1:34
  brother, because there are so many emotions and I don't want
• 1:40
  to make anyone look bad. But I also know that many of you
• 1:47
  listening carry similar stories, and I want my experience to help
• 1:54
  you. Because family can be one of our
• 1:58
  greatest sources of joy and at the same time one of our deepest
• 2:04
  sources of pain. I want to talk about how we can
• 2:11
  deal with family conflicts differently, how we can break
• 2:16
  the patterns that were passed down from our parents and maybe
• 2:22
  even from our grandparents. Those pattern of reacting, of
• 2:28
  hurting back when we've been hurt, of keeping this cycle of
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  anger alive. I don't want to repeat those
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  patterns, and most of all, I don't want my two sons to repeat
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  them. The story begins with my parents
• 2:50
  house. My mother passed away and my
• 2:54
  father moved into an elderly home.
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  Suddenly this house full of memories becomes something that
• 3:04
  has to be divided, cleared and sold.
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  For those of you who have been through something similar, you
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  know how emotional this process can be.
• 3:20
  The house is not just walls, it's a container of childhood
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  memories, of laughter and tears, of warmth and wounds.
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  At first, my brother wanted the house for one of his children,
• 3:39
  but then when the inheritance process took longer than he
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  liked, he changed his mind. I felt we needed to wait.
• 3:50
  It's the normal legal process and also for me it was a way of
• 3:55
  honouring our mother's passing. But he didn't want to wait.
• 4:01
  He finally said he didn't want the house anymore.
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  That decision was unexpected, but it was his choice.
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  The more painful part came later.
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  My brother created an excel list of things from the house he
• 4:19
  wanted. I added some bigger items from
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  my elder son and a few things for myself.
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  I didn't want to go into every little detail.
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  Sometimes I just thought these are family belongings, we will
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  figure it out together. But when my sons and I rented
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  the bus and went to the house, we discovered that my brother
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  had already taken a lot of things without writing them on
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  the list. Even from my old bedroom, even
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  the things from my mother that I would have loved to keep, I felt
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  intruded upon, like a piece of my childhood had been taken
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  without asking. When I told him I was hurt, he
• 5:17
  didn't apologise. Instead, he became angry and
• 5:22
  asked me to be fair to him. His reaction hurt even more than
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  the missing objects, because what I longed for was
• 5:35
  understanding. As simple I see that this is
• 5:41
  hard for you, but instead I was met with defense and anger.
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  And here's the truth. That moment broke something in
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  me. Since last year I had already
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  felt that something was off between US and I couldn't repair
• 6:04
  it. This incident made it worse.
• 6:09
  So while being at the house, my two sons saw me very upset and
• 6:15
  very hurt and my heart broke. Not because of my brother, but
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  because I want to be a role model for my sons.
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  I want to show them that we can deal differently with pain, that
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  we don't need to repeat old family patterns, one sibling
• 6:37
  hurting another and the other giving it back in the same way.
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  I don't want to live like that, and I don't want them to live
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  like that either. So I apologize to my boys.
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  I told them I'm sorry you see me so upset.
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  This is not how I want to react. I'm learning too.
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  The next morning I did what helps me most.
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  I meditated and I journaled. I poured my heart and my anger
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  onto paper and slowly, the storm inside, inside me calm down.
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  I could breathe again. I could see more clearly, and I
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  realized something important. It's not really about the
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  objects. It's not about the sewing
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  machine or the sewing books or even my childhood room.
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  These things carry memories, yes, but the real weight is in
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  the feelings I have toward my brother.
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  And in that moment of clarity, I decided I will not let my hurt
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  and anger poison my daily life. I will not let bitterness grow
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  in my heart because what counts is not who gets which object.
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  It's how I choose to live in my own peace.
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  I've reminded myself my purpose is to be a light in my family,
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  and being a light does not mean winning arguments or proving
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  that I am right. It means staying connected to my
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  heart even when I am misunderstood.
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  It means choosing forgiveness again and again.
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  So I chose silence. I chose not to respond to my
• 8:53
  brother's anger, not to explain, not to defend.
• 9:00
  I let him say what he wants, but I don't react.
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  I've done this before when he wrote mean messages to me
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  earlier, and I've learned sometimes the most powerful
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  thing we can do is not to fight back, but to remain calm, to
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  remain centered, to let the storm pass without letting it
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  sweep us away. And here is what I want you, my
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  dear listener, to take away from this story.
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  First, family conflicts are normal.
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  You are not alone if you fight with siblings, parents, or
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  relatives behind closed doors. Every family has its wounds.
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  Second, objects are not the real issue.
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  Often it's not about the furniture, the jewellery, the
• 10:05
  photos. It's about what they symbolize,
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  about feeling seen, respected, valued.
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  When we recognize that, we can go deeper.
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  Third, patterns can be broken. Just because your parents
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  reacted with anger doesn't mean you must.
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  Just because your grandparents held grudges doesn't mean you
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  must. You have the power to stop the
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  cycle. 4th Silence can be healing.
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  We often think we need to defend ourselves, explain, prove our
• 10:55
  side. But sometimes silence is
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  stronger. It says I will not play this
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  game. I choose peace. 5th.
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  Forgiveness is freedom. Forgiveness doesn't mean what
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  happened was OK. It means I choose not to carry
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  this burden anymore. I forgive to free my own heart.
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  I know this is not easy. I don't share this story because
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  I have mastered it. I share it because I am in it,
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  learning step by step. And maybe today you needed to
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  hear this, that you 2 can choose a different path in your family.
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  You can be the one who breaks the cycle, you can be the light.
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  And let me tell you, being the light doesn't mean being
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  perfect. I was upset and my sons saw it.
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  But even in that moment, I could show them something important.
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  That we can fall and we can get back up.
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  That we can say sorry. That we can learn and grow
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  together. That, my dear listener, is true
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  leadership, not pretending to never stumble, but showing how
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  to rise again. And if you want to get coached
• 12:39
  by me, get in touch for your first free coaching session.
• 12:45
  Thank you, dear Listener, for spending your precious time with
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  me. You're amazing and you are a
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  gift to everyone who crosses your path.
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  If no one has told you this today, let me say it again.
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  You're worthy, you deserve to be loved, and you matter.
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  Have an amazing day and I'll talk to you next week.
• 13:36
  Yeah.