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Speak Differently, Live Differently · Speaking of Meaning

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Speaking of Meaning,
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: the podcast that helps you become a stronger communicator,
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: build deeper relationships and create impact that matters.
• 0:13
  I'm your host,
• 0:14
  Ibrahim,
• 0:15
  and I am a professional speaker,
• 0:17
  soccer referee and leader.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love helping other people, and I also love to learn new things.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is about better communication,
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: greater impact at work,
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: in your home,
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: and in the world out there.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's dive in.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the show.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Speaking of Meaning.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: The topic today is simple but powerful.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here it is.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: you are your conversations you are your conversations
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want to focus on two things.
• 1:00
  The conversations we have with ourselves and the conversations
• 1:04
  we have with others.
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  The reason I say you are your conversations is because I've
• 1:10
  realized I am my
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: conversations and I've learned that the hard way.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us, we talk down to ourselves.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: We say we're not good enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: We're not ready.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: We don't deserve good things.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if something goes well, we think,
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is too good to be true.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: These conversations inside our heads keep us stuck.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: They hold us back.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have conversations we have with others.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they're toxic.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Arguing, gossiping, putting people down.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And those conversations shape how we see ourselves as well.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So here's my question.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why not show up differently?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: not just be kind to others, but also be kind to ourselves.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, our conversations shape who we are.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: They shape how we see ourselves.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: They shape how we see the world.
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  SPEAKER_00: Your conversations can either make you or break you.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: They can inspire you or they can drag you down.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: They can keep you going or they can make you give up.
• 2:26
  So let's start with the most important conversation,
• 2:31
  the conversations we have with ourselves.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I used to walk through life believing,
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  SPEAKER_00: without realizing it,
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  SPEAKER_00: that people would come and rescue me.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Someone would motivate me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Someone would pull me up when I was down.
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  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I learned.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how the world works.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's going to come and save me.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can motivate me unless I choose to act.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was Jim Rohn who said, nobody can do your push-ups for you.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds simple, even silly, but it carries a profound truth.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not anybody else's responsibility to get me where I want to go.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: even if I have sacrificed myself for them,
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: and even if I think that they quote-unquote owe me,
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: it's still not their job.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: When I live like that,
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: when you live like that,
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  SPEAKER_00: blaming others,
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  SPEAKER_00: waiting for someone to push us,
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  SPEAKER_00: we stay stuck in a victim mentality.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: I know what I'm talking about because I lived there for a while.
• 3:43
  About 15 years ago,
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  I was studying in the US,
• 3:47
  a double major in finance and theater.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's an odd combination.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: My second semester, my grades were slipping.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was tired, exhausted, and home sick.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to quit.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Have you been there?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to see my professor, Professor Mark.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: I went to his office, and I said, I'm going back to Sweden.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to drop out.
• 4:18
  Now,
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  I was waiting for some motivation,
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  some pep talk,
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  but I'll never forget his response.
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  He leaned back into his chair,
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  took off his glasses,
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  and he said,
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  I think that's a great idea.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, what?
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  SPEAKER_00: I was shocked.
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  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I said.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then he continued.
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  SPEAKER_00: He said, Ibrahim, do you think, seriously, anyone will care if you leave?
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  SPEAKER_00: They're not going to shut down the university just because of you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Life will move on.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe some people will miss you for a day or two,
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  SPEAKER_00: but if you drop out,
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  SPEAKER_00: the only person you're hurting is you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, that hit me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it's obvious.
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  They're not going to close down the university because one
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  student leaves.
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  SPEAKER_00: But the real message was profound.
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  SPEAKER_00: Nobody is coming to save you.
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  SPEAKER_00: People have their own lives.
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  SPEAKER_00: They have their own struggles, their own problems.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I realized my inner conversations were weak and self-limiting.
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  SPEAKER_00: I didn't trust myself.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was relying on motivation from other people.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that day, my conversations started to change.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: What about your conversations?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: How do you talk to yourself?
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  Is it based on fear,
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  shame,
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  guilt,
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  or are they positive,
• 6:06
  inspiring,
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  uplifting?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: My dad passed away a few months ago.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And when a loved one passes away, it is always difficult.
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  SPEAKER_00: The conversations I was having with myself didn't help me move forward.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about grief here.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let me explain.
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  My father was put to rest at a new cemetery because the old
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  cemetery was full.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I would every day go and visit him.
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  And each time I was engaging in heavy self-sabotaging
• 6:49
  conversations with myself.
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  When you visit a graveyard,
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  you become aware of death and how life is short.
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  SPEAKER_00: Every time I would visit my dad,
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  I would take a walk around the graveyard and I would notice
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  that new graves were
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  SPEAKER_00: popping up around my dad's grave.
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  SPEAKER_00: And each grave told its story,
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  SPEAKER_00: the person's name,
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  SPEAKER_00: how old they were,
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  SPEAKER_00: where they died,
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  SPEAKER_00: and so forth.
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  SPEAKER_00: And one day I noticed there was a new grave next to my dad.
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  SPEAKER_00: No name, no stone, just dirt.
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  And I would come day after day,
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  and I didn't really think about this new grave,
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  but
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  And one day,
• 7:37
  as I was visiting my dad,
• 7:39
  again,
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  I was having a negative conversation with myself.
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  SPEAKER_00: I told myself things like, I should have appreciated him more.
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  SPEAKER_00: I should have done more things.
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  SPEAKER_00: I should have called more.
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  And I also thought of all the things I could have done and said
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  that I didn't do or say.
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  I thought about all the mistakes that I made and that I needed
• 8:04
  more time with him.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And to be honest, I was also feeling sorry for myself.
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  And then I remember looking to the left and I noticed something
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  different with this
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  SPEAKER_00: grave this time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now there was a name and there was a date.
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  SPEAKER_00: I come closer to the grave and I realized the name of the person is Mu'a.
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  SPEAKER_00: And he was born 2017 and died 2025, two weeks after my father.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Eight years old.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, everything shifted.
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  Here I was,
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  telling myself that I didn't have enough time with my dad,
• 9:02
  feeling sorry for myself,
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  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
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  SPEAKER_00: My dad lived to be 81.
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  SPEAKER_00: That boy's parents only got eight years.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm 41.
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  SPEAKER_00: I got 41 years with my dad.
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  SPEAKER_00: I realized I was lucky.
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  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I could have said more.
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  SPEAKER_00: I could have done more.
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  SPEAKER_00: But dad lived a long, full life.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I had time with him.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that boy's family didn't get that gift.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that moment changed the conversation in my head.
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  SPEAKER_00: From regret to gratitude.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: What about your conversations?
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  SPEAKER_00: What do you need to change?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: What conversations are you having in your head?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Are they based on blame, fear, anger, self-limiting beliefs?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or are your conversations rooted in hope, inspiration,
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  SPEAKER_00: Goals, love, gratitude.
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  When we let negative conversations run wild,
• 10:19
  self-pity,
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  anger,
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  blame,
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  we slip into victimhood.
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  And that's dangerous because it eats away our self-esteem and
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  it limits how we show
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  SPEAKER_00: up in this world.
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  SPEAKER_00: But when we shift the conversation to gratitude, responsibility,
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  SPEAKER_00: It's a possibility.
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  SPEAKER_00: We shift everything.
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  So let me ask you,
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  what conversations are you having with yourself right now?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are they helping you grow or are they keeping you stuck?
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  SPEAKER_00: Be honest.
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  SPEAKER_00: What kind of conversations are you having right now?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are they helping you grow or are they keeping you stuck?
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
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  SPEAKER_00: Change the conversation.
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  Now let's move to the second part,
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  the conversations we have with other people.
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  SPEAKER_00: What kind of conversations do you have with other people?
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  SPEAKER_00: In your home, at work, or with strangers?
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  SPEAKER_00: What do you think most people do?
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  SPEAKER_00: I think the answer is simple.
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  SPEAKER_00: They talk about small stuff,
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  SPEAKER_00: they backbite,
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  SPEAKER_00: they are negative,
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  SPEAKER_00: and they blame others for their problems.
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  Most conversations,
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  what I hear is people talking and sometimes laughing about
• 11:47
  somebody else.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this is what we do.
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  When I visit organizations and I work with them to improve
• 11:53
  communication and trust
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: in the workplace,
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  SPEAKER_00: I almost always find that the reason there is a lack of trust or
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: conflict comes down to lack of clear communication and cooperation.
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  SPEAKER_00: In toxic workplaces, people backbite.
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  SPEAKER_00: They assign blame and don't think other people have good intentions.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some conversations are toxic.
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  SPEAKER_00: When we are criticized,
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  SPEAKER_00: for instance,
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  SPEAKER_00: we might always defend ourselves,
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  SPEAKER_00: defend our point of view,
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  SPEAKER_00: take it personally,
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  SPEAKER_00: attack the other person,
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  SPEAKER_00: deflect,
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  SPEAKER_00: and not even take responsibility.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: When we have different opinion,
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  SPEAKER_00: we might try to convince the other person that they are wrong,
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  SPEAKER_00: and we even label them as bad or as an enemy.
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  The conversations we have with other people,
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  they tell us a lot about ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: They tell us about how we see the world.
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  SPEAKER_00: Start small, one conversation at a time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's with your spouse, your children or your co-workers.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Start small and make small changes.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of complaining about the weather or talking about another person,
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  SPEAKER_00: just talk about things that excite you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Talk about your goals.
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  SPEAKER_00: Instead of blaming, why not take responsibility?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying it doesn't work, why not say it's possible?
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  Why not be more aware of the conversations you have with
• 13:24
  yourself and with others?
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  SPEAKER_00: Because you are your conversations.
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  SPEAKER_00: You become your conversations.
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  SPEAKER_00: They become part of your identity.
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  SPEAKER_00: So what kind of new things do you want to do?
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  SPEAKER_00: What kind of conversations do you need to have?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: How do you need to see yourself?
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  SPEAKER_00: What new relationships do you need to get into?
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  What relationships do you need to get out of in order to become
• 13:53
  a better you?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about conversations.
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  This is what high achievers,
• 14:01
  successful,
• 14:02
  happy people tell us all the time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, most people are going to tell you this is some weird stuff.
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  SPEAKER_00: But trust me, if you pick up any book on success, you realize...
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: that successful people,
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  SPEAKER_00: people who are peaceful,
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  SPEAKER_00: loving,
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  SPEAKER_00: who have strong characters,
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  SPEAKER_00: people with impact,
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  SPEAKER_00: influentials,
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  SPEAKER_00: people we love,
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  SPEAKER_00: people we look up to,
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  they have different kind of conversations with themselves and
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  with others.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do you think the greatest people in our society,
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: do you think they have toxic self-talk where they put each other down?
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  SPEAKER_00: Would they tell themselves that they don't deserve things?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: No.
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  They have different kinds of conversations with themselves
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  because they know what
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  SPEAKER_00: they think and the conversations they have impacts their self-image.
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  SPEAKER_00: They lift each other up.
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  SPEAKER_00: They lift other people up.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: They inspire other people.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when they show up,
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  SPEAKER_00: we are drawn to them,
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  SPEAKER_00: not because they're victims or because they blame other people,
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  SPEAKER_00: but because they bring out the best in themselves and in others.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it starts with conversations.
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  SPEAKER_00: So my friend,
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  SPEAKER_00: remember this,
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  SPEAKER_00: you are your conversations,
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  SPEAKER_00: the ones you have in your head and the ones you have with other people.
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  SPEAKER_00: They shape your self-image.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: They shape how you see the world and they shape your future.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, here's my challenge for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Change one inner conversation.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Start one uplifting conversation with someone else.
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  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be big.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Just start one conversation at a time.
• 15:55
  So change one inner conversation and start one uplifting
• 16:01
  conversation with someone else.
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  And if you don't like where your life is heading,
• 16:07
  maybe it's time to change the conversation.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining me today.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember, you are your conversations.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Speaking of Meaning.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: If today's episode helped you see communication in a new way,
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: share it with someone you care about,
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: a friend,
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: a partner,
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: or a colleague who wants to grow.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Ibrahim.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, better communication, greater impact.