Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 115. What Does God Say About Your Divorce?

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115. What Does God Say About Your Divorce? · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Hi love, it is officially spring break and, no, there won't be any wet t-shirt contest, but Producer Joy and I did just finish Taco Night with our families.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So for this week we are re-sharing an episode with you from Season 2.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: It is one of Producer Joy and I's truly, truly favorite episodes, and in this episode we are really getting into the nitty gritty of the four ways that God is more focused on your heart than the outcome of your marriage.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: It's a deep and meaningful conversation and I cannot wait to hear what you think about it.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Hi love, welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave and build back your confidence.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer and divorcee.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: In this episode, we are going to tackle the key ingredients that you need to make sure you are including in your day-to-day divorce recovery journey.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: We're also going to take a look at why discomfort is actually an essential part to you building the life that you envisioned for yourself at the end of this Divorce Recovery Journey and, finally, we're going to talk about why it's so important for you to be doing new things and leaning into new ideas and stretching outside of what has been familiar to you in order to find your kind of surprising little moments of healing and joy and recovery along the way.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Let's do it.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Hi love.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Today we are tackling, like a big, deep, wide subject, like strap your seatbelt on right.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: We are going to talk about why this all happened.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Because you're a good girl, right?
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: And that, I think, is like why did this happen?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I am a good girl, I tried so hard, I did so much.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Why is this happening, right?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: And I think most humans get stuck in that loop for a period of time, and we're going to talk about this in such a deep, earth shaking way today.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I cannot wait.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: In the meantime, I am the tiniest bit sleep deprived, but so, like, maybe my voice is a little different, maybe my energy is a little lower, but my heart is full and I am excited.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: So don't mistake one for the other.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: We had a dinner party at the house last night and it was so good and it went so well, and producer Joy and I co-hosted and it was fantastic, but I'm a little tired, okay, producer Joy went to Jackie Hill Perry's Glory Conference and I had never heard of Jackie Hill Perry until Producer Joy went, and so, because what matters to her matters to me, I went to figure out all the things, right?
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: So I am deep in Jackie Hill Perry's Instagram handle At this point.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: You're probably like who is this lady Dawn?
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: At this point.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: You're probably like who is this lady Dawn?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: So she is a woman who has written books, who does public speaking we might call some of it preaching and has a hip hop album, but she is a Christian woman in the Christian community who teaches Christian principles, primarily to women.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: She has a YouTube channel with her husband, very, very powerful writer and speaker, and so I'm deep in her Instagram feed and she had a reel in there where she talked about being broken and remade.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I'm using my language, not hers, so you can.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I can link it in the show notes right, so you could go hear exactly what she said in the show notes.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Right, so you could go hear exactly what she said.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: But being broken and remade for the purpose of being sanctified by God what the crap does sanctified mean, dawn?
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Sanctified is a very I would call it religious term or Christian term maybe I don't know if it's unique to Christianity, but a religious term and it means to be prepared for a holy purpose, and so she talked about that.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, god truly allows horribly painful collapse, causing things to happen to us, in order for us to become sanctified, prepared for holy purposes.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: And as she was talking, this was like a chunk of her speaking right and it was distilled down into a reel.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: As she was talking, she was speaking my story and maybe you relate to this a little bit.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: But the year I got divorced, I had just been diagnosed with cluster headaches a couple of years prior and was in and out of the hospital a lot and a lot of times in the night, was having horrible pain that often caused me to want to die right, and I had been diagnosed with infertility.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: And then I got divorced and quit my job and then didn't have anyone to sit with me in the night or take me to the hospital or do any of the things right, and then didn't have anyone to sit with me in the night or take me to the hospital or do any of the things right, and it was such a debilitating time for me that I had that cognition or thought process in there was that especially cluster headaches, but in the context of all of it, at the same time, that this was the one set of circumstances that would break me enough to say, okay, god, I surrender.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I clearly don't know how to run my own life because it is not going well right now.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: And that moment in time and that awareness, which I think Jackie Hill Perry was speaking to, was the thing that landed me in my own trauma therapist office.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: That landed me in this deep dive of self-discovery and self-healing.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, I was already a therapist, which made it even more shameful that I was a marriage therapist getting divorced.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And so when she, jackie Hill Perry, talked about because so many of us are resourceful, are intuitive, are capable that it often takes a enormous pile of shit to get us to surrender, to say God, I need you.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: That that's often what it takes.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: And so she, the reel, wraps up with her saying because perhaps God is more invested in my sanctification than my comfort.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: And that sentence she says it's a hard pill to swallow.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I find it soothing, but I often have a very opposite reaction to most people about most things.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: But so the idea that God is more invested in my sanctification than my comfort allows me to feel like there was a purpose in all the painful things that I experienced, right, and so to me that's very relieving that then the cheese in the maze for me is to just discover that purpose and then live it out Right.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So for me, and have I raged against God before?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, like big time, like out loud, like who the fuck do you think you are God?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Sorry for the F-bombs there, right, but like, yes, I have raged against God, but at the end of the day, I guess it's easier for me to believe in the purpose of it all than chaos theory.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what chaos theory is, but the words seemed appropriate there.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: So this topic felt very important because so often we get stuck in the why, the why did this happen?
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: And so often we get stuck there because we feel defended by our efforts, by our goodness.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Right, I was a good wife.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I am a good woman, I'm a good girl.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Why, if I'm a good fill in the blank of religion, right, if I'm a good and loving person, why is this happening?
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I did the right things, give or take, right, not perfect, but like been living my life in an effort to be good.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Why are these things happening?
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: And so I think that when we get stuck in that place, I think that a lot of that is shame, and and that maybe sounds confusing, right but shame is the emotion of there's something wrong with me, right?
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Like this idea that me is fundamentally flawed, versus the idea that I'm being sanctified, meaning I have skill sets I need to develop, or I have traits that I need to allow to go, or I need to just be more humble, right, and be less invested in being such a good girl and be more invested in being able to take feedback from God or whoever else in order to transform and grow and to become sanctified, in order to be prepared for my holy purpose.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Now let's talk about some of these underpinnings, because I don't know about you, but all this God talk can be very triggering for me in certain circumstances because of my own upbringing.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: So what do I mean by God?
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't mean any particular thing other than the infinite intelligence that has a hand in all of this right.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: That's what I mean.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I don't have, I don't subscribe to a particular physicality of a God that is not important to me anymore, right, there were seasons of my life where I needed it to be a very specific Christian example, and anything else outside of that was terrifying to me.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I don't think that God means for us to be terrified when conceiving of him, like I don't think so.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I think that that was just trauma done by humans and not by my higher power, right?
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: But I, um, I believe that there is a higher power, uh, an infinite intelligence that has, um, a hand in our lives, and so that's what I mean by God.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: We could call him, him, her, they, it, I don't know, it doesn't matter, right?
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Whatever works for you to be in this conversation and you know, as I was really preparing for this episode, I said, well, sheesh, if we have the conversation about I'm being called by a higher power, to a higher purpose, a holier purpose which I believe, love you have, you have a higher purpose you are being called towards, and this journey you're on right now, this pain that I want you to turn into power, is part of that purpose you're being called to.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: So, if we all have a higher purpose and we're being called to it and we're being sanctified by a higher power, which is it Free will or God's will, and oh gosh, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, right?
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: So any of us who have ever spent time in religious spaces, this is a thing that then comes up, right, okay.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: So, so if we're going to buy in to the idea that I am getting divorced and I have a special needs kid, or I have financial issues, or I am have chronic illness or whatever the things are right, or that I was married to this person for 30 years or I did whatever our story is that we're telling ourselves about, why this story cannot be my story, right, why we're resisting the sanctification, then the thing that comes next is okay.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Is this being done to me by God?
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Done to me, right?
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Or Dawn talks all the time about manifestation.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Did I manifest this through a series of choices I made through the course of my life?
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: And I think that question and its subsequent answer is what kind of maybe influences how closely we follow a particular?
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Is doctrine the right word, like set of teachings?
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Right, because I think the mind is good at finding what it perceives as a flaw in a teaching and saying see there, that doesn't fit, I can't follow it, it doesn't fit for my life, and then we want to kick it out and we want to go back to how I want to do it right.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: So I hope this feels relatable to you right now.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: But so I really struggle with the idea that there is a man in the sky pulling strings in my life.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: That is not a tolerable concept for me.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: It feels very out of control, like I don't have a say in how this is going right, and so I don't believe that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I don't personally, right, I don't believe that there's a man in the sky pulling strings in my life, but I do believe that this world is organized in such a way that every little thread in the tapestry of life fits together beautifully in ways that I cannot even fathom with my limited human brain.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I believe that very, very much that you listening to this episode in this moment, after I did right, like everything intersects in this elegant way that I cannot even fully fathom, right?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: So if there is a higher organization, how much of a say do I have in my own life and how much is being influenced by that higher power?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Well, interestingly, one of the things that helps me make sense of that most is astrology, and if any of you have listened to I don't remember what episode number it is, but it was last year I think.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: No, it was early this year Our episode with Emily Florence on astrology.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I've been kind of digging in over the last, I would say, year to 18 months into astrology and getting deeper and deeper into my own chart and understanding the charts of the people in my inner circle so that I can love them better according to their chart.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And the idea is I don't know enough to teach you here, but I know just enough to talk about it.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I have very late understanding of astrology.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: So the skies that we were born under, right In the moment we were born, in the place that we were born, the skies, the constellations, the planetary transits in that moment right Are influential in our lives.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Now, that's my belief after doing this kind of digging over the last couple of you know, year and a half or so.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: And what makes it easy for me to believe that is because of how the moon moves the tides on our planet right.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: If the moon has that much influence, can move entire oceans on this planet, then I believe very strongly that planetary transits can have an influence over my life, right.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: And also, if everything connects in the tapestry, then of course, the things in this godly organized existence work together to be a part of my lived experience.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: So for me, that's an easy leap right that astrology influences my life.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Oh well, I love astrology.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: It's super fun, it helps me understand myself better Every time I dig deeper into places where I believe the teachings are legit and not just a money grab, right?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I follow a handful of astrologers.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I follow Emily Florence, I follow I have the Chani app, I you know like I follow Moon Omens, and then the more I look into it, the more I see myself.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Clearly, the more I understand myself, the more I understand the things that I'm sensing or experiencing any day, week, month, year.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Right, it often has alignment with what is going on in the heavens, has alignment with what is going on in the heavens, and so for me to look at that as the hand of God influencing my life, oh well, that's not.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: That doesn't freak me out, that doesn't feel as out of control.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I coexist on this planet, in this galaxy, amongst God knows how many other galaxies, right, of course, there are things that influence me, and so I want you to play with that right.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Play with the idea that, yes, I get to choose whether or not I work with the transits, the planetary transits, or I work against them.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I get to understand, from a manifestation perspective, that everything has a vibration and I can decide whether or not I want to work with the vibration of a thing.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: And I want to raise my vibration right, being a co-creator of positivity, of joy, of love, of openheartedness.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Or if I want to sit in my shit, right, so that there are these existing kind of laws of the universe and I get to decide whether or not I want to work with them or against them.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: And working with them is the humility that Jackie Hill Perry was talking about in her reel, about being broken and remade for the sanctification of our holier purpose.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Because to be remade and to feel good about it, to be broken and to keep your heart open, that requires bucket loads of humility.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Keep your heart open that requires bucket loads of humility.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Right To say I surrender, I'm not doing this.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Well, I have shit to learn and I'm going to get it.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do better.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do better, right.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: It takes so much humility and I know that because I hear you say it every time you call to schedule a therapy appointment.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Dawn, it took me weeks, it took me months to make this phone call.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: When I hire coaches or healers and I'm going to show up for session, my heart races a little.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Why does my heart race when I'm going to meet with somebody who I know their intention is for me to be the best version of myself?
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Because it's humility, it's vulnerability.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: To sit there and bare your soul and then have somebody give you feedback about that, it's uncomfortable, right.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: And so I think that what ties kind of all of this together for me Jackie Hill Perry's conversation about being broken and remade, astrology and whether or not we have self-will or God's will is Brene Brown's work on vulnerability, shame and connection.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Because Brene Brown you know she really influenced an entire world, I feel like, with her body of work on researching shame and vulnerability.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Because she taught us that what, what counteracts shame, a feeling that something's wrong with me, right is vulnerability.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: And when we are our most vulnerable, people can come alongside us and say me too, and there's healing in that moment.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And when we say me too and we heal, we create a deep connection with other humans.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: That is medicine in and of itself.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: With other humans.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: That is medicine in and of itself.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: And so if what Jackie Hill Perry is getting at, that part of our deeper, holier purpose is vulnerability and deep, deep connections with our fellow humans, right?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: This community that we're in, this club of divorced people, right?
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: If what we're meant to do, at the end of the day, our holier purpose is to love ourselves and each other, well, yes, that takes humility.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: But what her data and that's what I love about Brene Brown is that it's not just theories, right, it's based on data and years of research and distilling all of that down, the data says that we are healthier and happier when we are vulnerable and connected, and that shame no longer has the same hold on us that it once did.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: And so for me, all of these concepts connect to say why is this shit happening to me?
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Well, it's happening because I have such a beautiful path of humility and vulnerability and connection to walk down and this is helping, this is happening to facilitate me walking further and further down that path, because the pain that you've experienced in life love, the pain is not as big as your purpose.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Think about that your purpose, whether we call it holy or not is bigger than your pain and the pain is part of the path to you living that out.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: And it's a very soothing thought to me that my purpose is bigger than my pain because, holy crap, I have experienced so much literal, physical and emotional mental pain in my life that when I think oh, I'm getting a little choked up saying this to you when I think about how big my purpose is, then that is, it's so relieving, it's so relieving.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: And then it calms me right down because whatever I'm afraid I don't have yet right.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's clearly coming, because my purpose is bigger than my pain.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I could just chill the F out and enjoy today and know that I just have to keep going in humility and vulnerability and connection and trust that I am being funneled exactly into the place that I need to go.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's not leave the conversation here, because I think for many of us we can intellectually grasp these concepts and say like, okay, okay, dawn, I can get on board with that, right, I can go to church and I can be filled with the spirit and I can say like, okay, I'm going to go this week and I'm going to do the things and I'm going to be humble and vulnerable and I'm right.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: And then, like eight seconds after you listen to your favorite podcast or you leave church, or you leave your yoga class or whatever it is wherever you get your cup filled, right, you get triggered and you're like screw it, I'm pissed, and that is the predominant feeling.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Right Is anger, is resentment, is bitterness, is grief, is depression, is anxiety, is whatever right, and it's like we can get our minds right for a moment in time.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: But then the predominant thing is this pain and this suffering.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: And it's not cool to have this conversation and not address the how, because I think that's one of the places where I have felt a struggle, for instance in the church is we can talk about all these glorious concepts, but prayer was not enough for me to heal me from trauma.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Right, and so if you're someone who's been doing so many things to try to heal from this pain and you still feel stuck, then I want you to know like I see you, I hear you, I get you.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: It's not that you're not doing, um, doing those things well, necessarily Right, but what.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: What it does mean is that we have to embrace a next level of humility in order to ask for more help for the next thing, and it means we have to keep seeking, I want to say, the face of God, right, but like the elegant tapestry that has been woven for us by infinite intelligence, we have to keep seeking that, we have to keep going towards it.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: And so it's not enough to say I've done all the things, right, I go to yoga, I do breathing exercises and I am spiritual and I listen to the podcast and I, right, and I'm still not better, and it's not fair and therefore right.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: No, we can't stop there, love, we cannot stop there.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: We have to say, okay, what is the next thing I need in order to get to the next level of sanctification?
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Right, or walking the path of purpose.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: And so, for me you've heard me sell this story time and time again and it keeps evolving.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: The story keeps evolving, which I think is so sexy.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: But for me, right, that started with good old fashioned talk therapy and journaling and yoga, and it turned into group therapy and personal development workshops and, like that, all took a lot of time and I don't want you to have to take all that time.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I like collapsing timelines, time, I like collapsing timelines.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Then, once I experienced DMDR and EFT tapping and even, to extent, other things like astrology and cold plunges, and you name it right and then, most recently, what it became was homeopathy.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you that when I got to homeopathy and I promise you we have an episode scheduled where we're going to have a guest and we're going to talk about all things homeopathy, so that's coming very, very soon but when I came to homeopathy, I still had bitterness in my heart, not about my ex, but about other bigger wounds that my ex just was ended up being part of right, and I wanted the bitterness to go so badly, but I could not get it to go and I really think that that was.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I think I did my best.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: I think I did my best and homeopathy got the rest of the way that I couldn't get to.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: And so what I want you to hear me say in all of this because the how is not as important as the doing right how it gets done is I just want you to keep seeking right.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: How it gets done is I just want you to keep seeking right Is there is always deliverance.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: We are not expected to suffer indefinitely.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: That is not what is being asked of us to suffer indefinitely.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: And so I hate can I say that I hate the narrative that we have to live with anxiety, that we have to learn to live with and cope with depression and anxiety.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say some bold stuff here, but I think that's bullshit.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I do not think we were meant to cope with those levels of suffering.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I think that has become a very sexy narrative in pop culture and I reject it because I have seen in my life, in my client's lives, in my homeopath client's lives, in all of her colleagues' lives, in all of the EMDR therapists that are out there and all of the ways right, there is redemption and we are not meant to live in suffering.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: So but what we do have to do is we have to take leaps of faith to go be with healers who can do the things.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: And and so last year uh, was it last year?
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Maybe early last year, maybe even late the year before that I started really consistently going to a local functional medicine slash chiropractor and really got serious about working on um, physical alignment, because I had been working my whole life on mental, emotional alignment but like I knew it was time to get like structurally aligned, but also she was helping.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I still was having headaches then and she was helping with that too, and you know my course of care.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Plus then, once I do a thing, then I then I have to have my family do the thing, because I need them to be healthy and whole alongside me, because I have attachment-related concerns and I can't have them be sick or die.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: I can't handle that.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: So the budget dollars we have set aside over the years, whether it's to go to the chiropractor at the level that my frame needed, or to the other functional medicine doctor, or to the astrologer, to the trauma therapist, the budget dollars we have assigned to these care things, I need you to know the money wasn't in the budget.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: The money wasn't in the budget.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Like I know, I have this beautiful feather sofa, but please don't judge that.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so blessed to just have the money to do these things.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: What I said to myself in the waiting room as I was checking out was where God guides, he provides, and if this is something I need to be healthy, whole and redeemed then I have to walk in faith that the resources are going to come.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: And I have taken that attitude every time I've hired a healer or a coach.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I have said I'm not meant to sit in suffering and I'm not meant to fall short of my purpose, and therefore, when I need these things to get to the next place, I have the humility to say I don't know where the money is going to come from.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: And this isn't me telling you to like, throw caution to the wind and buy the next course that crosses your Instagram feed.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I want you to have discernment and I want you to take your time and I want you to make sure you've exhausted the resources you already have available to you, right?
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: But I do want you to hear me say that it's not always going to be clear how we're going to pay for the next thing or how we're going to fit it into our schedule.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: But if it's part of turning our pain into purpose, it's essential and there's no avoiding it, because you weren't meant to live and cope with anxiety, bitterness, depression, you know, and all the shit.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: So I know why this is happening for you, love, but I want you to refocus your attention on the deep, deep, deep reasons why?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Because they're all about you and your purpose, and I want you to take a big step this week, not a little step?
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: I often say take little steps, right?
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: No, I want you to take a big step.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we can get very far taking so many little steps, but sometimes we need a nudge to take a big step.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Right, I want you to take a big step towards living out your purpose today and being done with another chunk of the pain, another obsessive thought thing about why, right, I want you to shift that.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: And so, when we need to shift right, we need to inject something strong into our energy, we need to expose ourselves to a vibration that is more powerful than the toxicity we are currently living out.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: And then we need to remember what Brene Brown has taught us and so many others before her also, but she did such a beautiful job of gathering the data and teaching us is to be vulnerable, to share vulnerably, to let our hearts race a little bit and say to someone, or many someones I need help.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I love you so much, I'm so proud of you, I believe in you so much.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Go find yourwncom.