Latest / Providence Voice / Between Us with Nick and Ashlee - The Achievement Trap - #015

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Between Us with Nick and Ashlee - The Achievement Trap - #015 · Providence Voice

• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: So the other day I had a pretty funny exchange.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: With who?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: With our second one, our oldest daughter.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we were out there, we were playing baseball together.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, throwing the ball back.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like in the backyard.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're out we're out back, throwing the ball back and forth.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing is, is like I'm trying to, I'm trying to teach her how to throw the ball.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like I spent more.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: She's very difficult to stay on task.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta understand.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: She's a crazy girl.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: She is very busy.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Her mind's always going, you know, 120 miles per hour.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm over there, I'm throwing the ball.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you gotta turn your arm like this.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: You want this stance.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Then you follow through.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like just not.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: She's looking at different plants up at the clouds.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: I throw the ball to her and she's like, Dad, I've I've had three words on my mind all day.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, uh okay, okay, you just can you throw the ball?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, throw me the ball back and do what I told you.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing is, like, I throw the ball back to her as I'm throwing it, she goes, Nooks and crannies.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, nooks.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Those were the words.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Those were the three words was nooks and crannies.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So random.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what are you?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Where did that come from the world?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: And why are you bringing this up?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this was I didn't ask you anything about this.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like she had to say it out loud.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: She wanted me to know that that has been stuck in her mind all day.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll be honest, like I lost it.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: I would laughed for a while.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's funny.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was pretty kids are like it's like our oldest.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're getting to a point where we're interacting with him like on text messages.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: He'll text us from his watch.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, some of the little his little one-liners, like he is hilarious.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he he likes to send me gifts.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or some people call them gifts.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but they're gifts.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do it.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, listen, hilarious.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: What was the one he sent the other night?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what this was just last night.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what did he say?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, okay, so we went to a restaurant, it was a Mexican restaurant, and uh him and our oldest daughter wanted to just stay home.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And that was a good one.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: They were they were watching back to the future.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we got them on back to the future.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: So he was like, Um, okay, dad, we want this and this, um, like a steak burrito or something like that.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then like a few minutes went by, and then he sent the message, please.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then a few minutes went by and he sent the message, can't forget the magic word.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love it though.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't prepared when we got, he got a an Apple Watch for Christmas, and we just thought that was an appropriate first step.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for him.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And um, getting getting to communicate with him in that way, I was I was not.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's so much fun.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is fun, but I just didn't, I guess I just didn't know what to expect.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you don't know.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: He's hilarious.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: I knew he was funny, but like seeing it in that kind of communication context, it was it was a lot of fun.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's been it's so much fun watching him, and then uh like our youngest, our two youngest, they're just as oh yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Our youngest, he's got his eyebrows, he's discovered that he can make some really good faces.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: He communicates a lot with that.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's so funny.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, this was the other night.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: He um he told me he doesn't like me.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, but it was as we were going to bed, he was like, Dad, I don't like you.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Whoa, oh geez.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, but I got real close.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what'd you say?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: At the night he asked for me.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he goes, I want mom, and you weren't you were out of town.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh and I was like, Okay, well, you don't you can like mommy and like me at the same time, but then he goes, No, dad, I don't like you.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Wow, okay.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, he does like you.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: He does like he's a big fan.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was funny.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's fun though.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and then our our youngest daughter, yeah, she just doesn't have a filter.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I'm telling you what.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: She's she's hilarious, though.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's hilarious.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: It is funny.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and whenever she gets in her dancing moves, uh moods to it's the best dad.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do you like this move?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like she's like, affirm me.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Affirm me.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, please pay attention.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it's oh man, it's the best.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: All of our kids, yeah.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: They just get us.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: They're hilarious.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, okay, so what's the uh what's the talk of the day, Ash?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: The talk of the day.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: This one is called the Achievement Trap.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when you brought this up, I thought, you know, this is a worthwhile conversation.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because I've I've seen other people, but us too.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like oh, for sure.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, like we've fallen into this.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, break it down for you.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: One of the weirdest parts of adulthood is like finally getting the things that you've wanted and prayed for, even and worked for, and then still feeling like restless or unsatisfied or like nope, that wasn't it.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Still like there's a tension, there's a wrestling, I think, that we can have.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And um what yeah, that's kind of what sparked the conversation.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: I thought we could talk about that.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think it's worth talking about because it's it's funny on I'm gonna say on this side of things, because I think there's a lot that we you and I have experienced when we're after something, after something, after something, and then you know, we either get it or we just like, wait, we don't need to go after that.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh whatever it is, and and we've come to a place where we've either accepted it or we've just kind of moved on from it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess what I'm thinking about now, even this whole topic of conversation, it's like, oh yeah, there is that feeling of angst sometimes.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there is.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or or excitement for something that you think is going to fulfill you so much.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was just thinking, like you work towards the relationship or the certain house, um, right, the fitness goal, the career, the you know, you work towards these things, but then you realize like none of it is permanent.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like no, that's true.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, yeah.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think what what a lot of people are searching for or they are convinced they need to try to find is happiness.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And as if it's an achievable state that you're gonna constantly get to stay at.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's that's a that's we're gonna start the episode out and just tell you it doesn't work like that.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I I think, I mean, I think a lot of people may understand that, but I almost think that the goal is happiness so much that you just once you realize we're not, we're not happy, we gotta get happy again, uh, you're gonna be running that hamster will forever.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hamster will is a really great way to describe it.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I like I have um I've had conversations with people before, um, just like in different small group settings where we talk about like that statement of if I had this, then this would be better.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or then I would be more fulfilled or I would be happy.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is your if statement?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I had this or if things were this way, just like for example, if I would lose 10 pounds, then I would fill in the blank.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Feel this way.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's I mean, that's just one thing.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: It could be, well, if I had the right job, or if I had this career, yeah, then I would be fulfilled.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then I would be able to, whatever, like fill in your blanks.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then take some inventory.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think what's so interesting about that too is once I mean, because we've achieved several things I'd say were big deals really over time.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then you just you you turn around and you're like, well, that's like our goal, we're gonna buy a home.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then you buy that home.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then you realize stuff starts breaking, and you're like, You didn't know what you didn't know.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I guess, I guess we gotta pay for this or fix this or figure out how to fix this.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like it just the newness of it wears off, and you're like, ah, geez.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Or you get that title, you get that job, you get the title, or whatever it is, and then you realize, wait a second, this comes with more responsibility.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: This comes with more expectation and stress that you didn't plan on.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like there's so many things on the other side that we don't know about.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: But what I guess what I'm concerned about um in this whole conversation is what is your goal?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think a lot of people do, they just say, I need to be happy.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: That is the goal.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm happy, then that is what life is about.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I always think about the times that like the harder times that we would go through, the growth that happened in those hard times.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, like when you're going through it, you're not, you're probably not like, oh yeah, like this feels so wonderful.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love growing like this.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like nobody feels that way.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, like, if you're always happy and just like everything is going your way and always comfortable, like there growth happens under tension.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you think about how to grow a muscle, for example, you have to exercise and practice and go through this the reps, the repetition of building that thing back up.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's like it's practice, it takes practice.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: But you you grow under tension, yeah.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, stuff will surface under tension too, and you really start to find out like the reality of what's going on inside of you in the tension, and that can be great or it can be, you know, really terrible.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: It just depends on how you handle it.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I I think that if we're always just so comfortable and pursuing only happiness, then like we're really gonna be disappointed because I'm gonna just tell you this things don't always turn out the way that you think that they should.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, and and I I I think a good way to um think of it too.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: You you were just someone just gave us a tomato plant.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: And uh you told me, like, hey, we gotta make sure that we prune back these first few, you know, um, stems because the vegetation will take over and then it will never produce fruit.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: The tomato.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so what what it's making me think of in this sense is we're so we just want the we just want the fruit.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want the plant part, we just want the fruit part.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: And all we want is the fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit, like or the intentionality behind pruning.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm saying is like our life, like you have to prune back, you have to um allow time to grow, you gotta water, you gotta feed, you gotta do all these things just so that it starts producing something.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: But we're we're in a culture, honestly, and we've been lied to for a very long time that it's all about just get the fruit, get the fruit, get the fruit.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: But our life is supposed to be an experience of the growth.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's supposed to be the experience of um nurturing what is growing and what is gonna become something so productive and so good with another person, with other people, and with the time that we've been blessed with, like all of those things are supposed to work together.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, happiness is good, right?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Getting to experience, but you find happiness even in the growth.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's what's that's what's the difference.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes I know you and I have experienced these um moments where it's like we're just pushing for the next thing.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so then we kind of miss like what's right in front of us.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: That is a good idea.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like you, you almost um, it's like you don't take the time to really celebrate like what's in front of you because okay, well, there's something better.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's something we've had to really learn over time.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: I've talked about this.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I've talked about it on this podcast, but in a message I've I've preached before.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: But my dad was so good at um road trips.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever he is, he's a master road tripper.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: He's a great road tripper, and he taught us well on how to do it.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: But one thing he was really good at is just getting the expectation and the excitement up.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah like we would we would all be all excited about the vacation, of course, but he made like the process of getting to the vacation feel like vacation.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just as fun, just as exciting.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Growing up, like that was a piece of like um whenever it's almost time to go to vacation, yeah, it's just as fun.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, what candy are you getting?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: What's this?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Love that.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna stop here, we're gonna do this, like, and we're like, yeah, this is gonna be crazy.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess what I'm saying is sometimes we're so fixated on the vacation part that we miss out on the road trip.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's still so much goodness that can happen on the road trip exactly in the car.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Memories still being made.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I we've talked about this before too.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like people are struggle, people struggle, but if we don't take time to experience what goodness is actually in that part, like healing and exposure of things that need to be dealt with and who we are, then and we just want to skip to just feel better, just get well, get well, get well soon.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't want to mess with you right now.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know what I mean?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: If we just bypass all of the growth that should be happening, then we never grow.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: And all we want is more, you know, just comfort and we just stay there and we're convinced that happiness is life, and that's just not true.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're supposed to go through through things together.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: We're supposed to grow together.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not just all about the vacation, but um, what's something?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a good question.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: What's something you were convinced would change your life forever once you got it?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I I've shared on here just a little bit of the struggle that I've had like with my body and stuff.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I've I always thought like, okay, if I could just be in a smaller body, yeah, then all of these other things would be better.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like and that that's like the first thing that comes to my mind, just because that's very real for me.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: But uh yeah, like and so then all the goals become about something so physical, so surface level that really like there's so much, there's really so much depth to the work that God can do in your heart and in your mind, like about even just your body.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like yeah, so I've been walking that out a lot for a lot of years, and finally feel like I'm in a place where I don't say those statements anymore because it no, I can be I can have a really full and wonderful life right now in this body that I have right now.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and but I'm also challenged to really nourish and take care of it and and not to get you know sucked into like comparison traps and things like that.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's so true.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that's like the first thing that came to my mind with that question is like, oh, I've said that statement before.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, if I could just lose this weight or do, you know, if I set the goals to like hit certain physical goals, and and it's not that those are bad, but like it's it's really easy to become this idol that you're like chasing and worshiping.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you're like that's a good way.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh jeez.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I've had to learn that one the hard way often.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've had to go around that mountain a few times.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a good way.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: But um, but yeah, yeah.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I think you said that really well.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: What we sometimes fixate on is the achievement that we think is going to just be like everything else is gonna be set in motion when I do this.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, right.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I get to live right now.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like you get to live right now.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: This this was something that came to mind for me.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Paul talks about this with um with contentment.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I'll just I'll share the scripture.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: So Philippians 4, 11 through 13 says, I'm not saying this because I'm in need, for I've learned to be content, whatever the circumstances.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know what is to be in need, I know what it is to have plenty, I've learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now that I think should be the key.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: That should be what we're after.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's nothing wrong, in my opinion, uh as like with marriage and with life, relationships, or whatever you want to whatever you want to choose there.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: You we should be enjoying the life.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think that should be just fine.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I think the word enjoyment is probably a better goal.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Are you enjoying the day to day?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Are you enjoying it?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't mean you have to be like, you know, laughing all the time.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're not this is not toxic positivity.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: But instead, like, can you enjoy the fact like I like yes, we're struggling, but I get to be with you in this and no, it's not an enjoyable thing, right?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: But at least I have you.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: We have each other, you know?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: And no, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna and like enjoy what I'm feeling, but at least we have each other to comfort one another.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and we've talked about this before.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: There is room for holding space for the struggle and the excitement of what's to come.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when yeah, with the grief and hope.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's it's possible to have both of those things.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: At the same time.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: You can yeah, you can you can wish for something more or desire something more while still enjoying what you have too.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I guess that's maybe what I'm pointing at.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like happiness, it's not like happiness is wrong, but the goal of just always wanting to be happy, okay, that's that's unachievable.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's unachievable, it's not realistic.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's not.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I I think we've been taught, and and it's probably there's a pressure to say, like, if we achieved enough enough, then we have enough.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I I almost I almost wonder if that's it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: So okay, then the question really does come up.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: So if achievement isn't really, if that's not enough, achieving it is isn't enough, what is how do we actually create a contentment for us?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, the first thing that comes to my mind is slowing down and being present in what's actually happening in front of you.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good piece of advice.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that's huge.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like, real quick, do you think you just need to pause?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Did I drop a mic?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: That was a mic to me.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's a that's a mic drop moment.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just ready to speed on through it.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I apologize.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we don't stop enough to appreciate.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta pay attention.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're right.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta pay attention.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: What is right in front of you?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, is it bad?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Is it good?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Have you taken uh like inventory of what's right in front of you?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, what I was gonna say was I I often get anxious about things and worried about things, and it's usually stuff that I'm thinking ahead about, right?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like in the future, I get worried and anxious about that kind of stuff.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: And the Lord often has to just remind me like, you I need you here right now.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let me take care of that.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll be right.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: I need you right here, what's in front of you right now.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a huge, I still struggle with that, but it's been a huge eye-opener for me that when I do slow down and I'm really intentional to take in what's happening around me, even if it's uncomfortable, even if it's, you know, wonderful, yeah, that there is so much, there's so much richness and and purpose in that time that I now I'm to a point I'm like, I don't want to miss it.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I don't want to miss what God has for me right now because I'm so worried about what's coming in the future, or I'm so hung up on what happened in the past.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's just trying to get us right here, right now with him, you know.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: This is good.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like for real.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's really, really good.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: You you're you're you're nailing a rental head because it's you know, anxiety can't isn't about the now.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: It is always about what's next or what was.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's oh man, that's so good.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like to to be grateful for what's in front of you.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that's a balance.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: We have it, it is imperative that we're grateful for what we can.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude, yeah, gratitude is a game changer.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're right.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Being grateful for what is, and even if it doesn't look perfect, even if it's not, you know, all the great things that we desire, but being grateful for what it is and and finding like write it out.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: You've heard this, like, write down the blessings that you I love a good gratitude journaling session.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying it's really it's wonderful.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's not it's never fun to make um what is so seem so glamorous because it were, I don't know, I don't I don't like to think that things are going well.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: I rather be pressured to make things better.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's how I operate better.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's not it's not a good thing.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: You've got people who they're always preparing for the worst.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I think it's just I don't know if it's defense mechanism or trauma response.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know what it is.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm that way, but I I I always I I would rather plan for what's next and because that's just I don't want to focus on the now.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's important.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's what we're saying is it is important to be grateful for what you have, but it's okay to um desire something more.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about that, yeah.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: But holding those two things in in balance um and learning from what happened in the past, I think that's what matures us.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we can only operate in the now.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: We can't we don't have the option to go forward in the future and fix what's gonna be.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Nope.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or go back in the past and adjust so that we have a different outcome.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: We can only learn from it and move forward.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: And let tomorrow, what does scripture say?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Let tomorrow worry about itself.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh just you focus on the day.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: You you can't let happiness be your ultimate goal.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: You're never gonna be content.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So then how do you stay grateful for what you have while you're still pursuing growth?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good question.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: How do you stay or how do you um or practice gratitude or um I think that we've talked about busyness, we've talked about you know being interruptible.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um if you if you look at the people who you love the most and you give them more access to you, I think that it's gonna be easier to bit to be grateful.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: If you look at um, you know, the things that make you excited, or the simple things that you get to enjoy.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is you know what, I'm gonna switch this question up a little bit or or bring up something.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: The other day we were sitting with my mom at uh at the pool, and she had broken Brought up like the why she the thought of like you know, every morning it we wake up and we kind of do the same thing.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why why is that how it is?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it was such an interesting thought.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I what's fun about this is whenever my mom and I talk, we always end up we're on the same line of thinking sometimes.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's kind of it's enjoyable for me.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I've gone through this line of thought before, and what came to mind to me is um a reset is a renewal, is what was is the line that I said.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you were like, we gotta write that down.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: I did, I took that note down in my phone.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, you know, that is, and I kind of just said it, but I think that that's a really yeah, that's a really good resets are the renewal.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so the tomorrow that we get to live, if if tomorrow comes, we get to live that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it's gonna look a lot like today, but it's actually like a new opportunity.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's an opportunity to enjoy the things that we enjoy, and it's also an opportunity to make things better that w wasn't as good.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: And just the the grace that God has to make new tomorrow is incredible.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, now this is gonna be silly, but this is one of the things I'm grateful for.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I you know how much I love coffee.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: I love coffee.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's just you pause and you get to enjoy each sip and you know what's coming.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: And for some reason, though, like when we think of coffee, we're like, that's fantastic.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: But when we think of tomorrow is gonna be another day, another day, we don't think of it that way for some reason.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: But if if we can change our mindset a little bit too, um, you know, our our experiences aren't gonna always be the best thing in the world.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's not always an amusement park we're living at, you know?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And instead it's it's an opportunity to um just find the good things, like look at the sunrise, look at you know appreciate the things that we really just overlook.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: I I the the older I get, the more I appreciate the simple things.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh so much more.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I was younger, I had a really hard time uh being content in simplicity and like I I I'm really good.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can complicate something real good.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's my job.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is good.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um but for real, I I do, I I can really like make more of something than what it actually is.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um and the older that I get, the more I I desire simplicity, yeah, the more I appreciate it.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Them, but then also like the everyday things, you know, the sun rises every morning and it sets every night.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna tell you, I never used to pause and stop and look at the sky like I do now when I was younger.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I just was barreling through trying to get to the next thing.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: And now I just I'm so grateful for those moments that I really do feel like the Lord pauses us and he gets our attention of just it.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I I I I don't know.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm trying to teach my kids too to like notice these things.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like we pass a lake every day that we went on our way to school, and the way that the morning sun hits that lake, we say something about it almost every day.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's to the point where I'm not the one saying it, but it's the kids.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, even if it's a foggy day, like they're noticing these things.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want them to notice the world around them, and you have to slow down and really take it in.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh and some of it is not, it's not glamorous, it's not sexy.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is literally just the simple moments.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I have I'm learning, I I'm continuing to learn how much I really do appreciate.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't have to complicate things.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: I really can be content and really be grateful right now in these, in this beautiful situation that the Lord has us in.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's that's really good advice to I maybe a way I would say it is if we could learn or be willing to bypass convenience, yes, and allow ourselves, like you we were talking earlier, like growth is really an opportunity to be grateful.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because yes, it's not easy, but the result is fantastic.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: And and when you get to see the um almost the reaping of what you've sown.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say, yeah, like the fruit.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: When you get to see what comes out of what wasn't so good, when you get to see like here's here's the reward in a way for all of the work that you put into this, then it makes that work just a little bit better than it was the time before.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because you real like it just makes the blessing so much more of a blessing than it than it was just, oh yeah, yeah, this is what I deserve.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like this.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think we're convinced that it should be convenient, it should be quick, it should be on my terms.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's why we have in our minds like happiness is what it should be, but contentment is what we can find when we realize that uh there's a blessing on the end of of growth.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but no, I I this is good.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's really good for me.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's good to think about this in the sense of uh how we treat our marriages too.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: And and and I mean this sincerely because whenever one is struggling, our our I think our knee-jerk reaction is uh fix it.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let me fix it right really quick.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because this isn't good.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: But if you if you just walk with the other person through the struggle, then maybe you can grow together and then the the next time you struggle, it could be a little bit a little bit more productive or a little bit not I won't say easier, but it can be um there's there's more of a connection than there is like a like a separation, do you know?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, that's I think that's kind of it.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's good.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: Rapid fire.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is it time?
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's time.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Holy heavens.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: Holy heavens.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what do you do you have one?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's hear it.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: What's my funniest logic?
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: What is something that I think is logical that you're like, you're crazy?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um okay, I'm gonna bring this up.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it has to do with cereal, actually.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it I know what you're gonna say.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's the way I close up the cereal.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: The bag that you you fold it, like you fold it like once or twice, and then that's the end, and it doesn't work.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I always time out.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Let me finish my thought.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you could just slow down, you know?
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm a little, sometimes I do I'm just very aggressive.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: I get very aggressive when I'm trying to close the game.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, it didn't doesn't close most of the time, and I'm just like, I feel like I've said it before.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I may have gone through the motions of saying, you gotta roll that sucker.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I do.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I do.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm rolling the cereal.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: But apparently I'm not.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a crease one, crease two, put it back.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I find it, and then the cereal still.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh geez.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I want cereal anymore?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's what I'm gonna say.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: That logic has never held true to me, and I've always questioned, like, I wonder why she thinks that way.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I've got one for you.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to move on now.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't like that gross, did you?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I guess I have to learn how to shut cereal bags now.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um what do you got?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: This one, this one's for you, Stoller.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: You say paper, rock, scissors.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, because that's the way it should be said.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Incorrect.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's false.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's paper, rock, scissors.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is not paper, rock, scissors.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: It is rock, paper, scissors.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: We can take a poll.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I guarantee you that the poll would read the I am right.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Can it?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Rock rock, rock, paper, scissors.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I understand that the polls.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he's trying to teach our kids that it's paper, rock, scissors and it's wrong.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: So far, they're not learning.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_01: Can I explain something?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know that the poll would be like 90-10, okay?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: No way.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying in favor of your little Oh, okay.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well then yes.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think that everyone will probably say out there it's rock, paper, scissors.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it doesn't, I guess what I'm saying is that doesn't make any sense.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: I know why you think it doesn't make sense, is because it's not the order.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: The order of the letters.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: It it should be alphabetically um, you know, place paper, rock, scissors.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because listen, just a second.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let me finish.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because if if if it's if it's about this one, they're all even.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: So you can't just say it's rock, paper, scissors, because then everyone's like, well, what's so special about rock?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: But then paper should come first.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but then why do you say iron?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Iron.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about it.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're not gonna go into that one.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Someone caught me the other day.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Evidently, I said pillow.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, absolutely not.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: You get out of here with that one.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's like saying milk.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Stop a minute right now.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, what did you say?
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I said pillow.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they were like, No.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, like, I think my eye is twitching.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot say that, and you also can't say milk.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I said milk, and I was so sorry.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: All right, we are closing it down.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta get out of here.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta get me out of here.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right, until next time.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.