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Stop Lowering Your Standards: Real Talk from a Matchmaker · Secrets They'll Only Tell a Matchmaker with Gina Hendrix

• 0:03
  Welcome to Secrets from a Billionaire's Matchmaker with
• 0:06
  matchmaker Gina Hendricks. Hey there.
• 0:10
  Welcome to my show. I'm Gina Hendricks.
• 0:12
  I've been a matchmaker for billionaires and the most
• 0:16
  eligible men in the world since 2008.
• 0:19
  And my God, how time flies. I've gotten so many people
• 0:23
  married babies, you know, in the long term, committed
• 0:26
  relationships. And from that, because I'm only
• 0:29
  a matchmaker for men. This other part of my business,
• 0:34
  which fills my soul has happened over the last four years where
• 0:38
  I'm now coaching women all over the world to level up their love
• 0:41
  lives and use the Intel that I know that works, that I've seen
• 0:47
  from behind the scenes of the real world of dating.
• 0:49
  And I armed them with all this knowledge on how to level up
• 0:52
  their look, how to pre qualify men, how to communicate better.
• 0:56
  OK, So what you're hearing in these very special and unique
• 0:59
  shows I have here is a family on the wall perspective.
• 1:04
  They are live. Q and as recorded over the last
• 1:07
  3-4 years where I'm giving women the answers to their questions.
• 1:12
  It's a rapid fire Q&A. Sometimes I welcome guests,
• 1:15
  sometimes it's just rapid fire Q&A with me and my ladies.
• 1:20
  So it's always real, it's always raw.
• 1:22
  You will notice sometimes that some portions sound a little
• 1:25
  edited, some things might skip a beat.
• 1:28
  And if you're wondering why that is, it's because when it's
• 1:31
  necessary, we're going to protect everybody's privacy.
• 1:33
  So we've removed names when necessary or any identifying
• 1:37
  details. But the conversations are as
• 1:40
  real and raw as it can possibly be because that's the only way I
• 1:44
  know how to do this. So I'm super glad you're here.
• 1:48
  Let's get into it. Today's episode is called
• 1:50
  Secrets, Situation, Ships and Red Flags.
• 1:54
  And remember, you never know. You never know what I'm going to
• 1:58
  say. So I've been thinking about this
• 2:04
  concept of what if, right? But flipping the what if because
• 2:08
  I think that so many of us use that whole the phrase of what if
• 2:14
  to keep us in fear. Like, Oh my gosh, I can't do
• 2:17
  that because what if this happens?
• 2:18
  Oh my gosh, I can't do this because what if this happens?
• 2:21
  But what if we flipped the what if?
• 2:23
  What if we flipped the what if and made it empowering.
• 2:27
  So what if you started saying what if just for today?
• 2:31
  What if I finally went to the gym?
• 2:34
  I've had that membership all these years?
• 2:36
  Or what if I finally took that exercise class?
• 2:40
  Or what if for today, I just decided to to go eat raw food
• 2:44
  all day? Or what if I decided to make
• 2:47
  just different choices? And then every day, if you threw
• 2:51
  in a what if that was positive, that didn't keep you stuck in a
• 2:54
  place of fear, but kind of empowered you to do things.
• 2:58
  Because the truth of the matter is, what if you're standing in
• 3:01
  Starbucks and you see this the cutest guy you've ever seen that
• 3:04
  like you look at his hand and there's no wedding band.
• 3:06
  What if you said, oh man, I love those shoes you have on.
• 3:11
  What's the worst that can happen?
• 3:14
  What is the worst that can happen?
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  So we miss so many opportunities and we miss a better chance at a
• 3:20
  better life for so many things that we don't take based on the
• 3:24
  what if fear. But I want you to start flipping
• 3:27
  it and saying, what if I take this chance?
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  What if I do something different today that will actually empower
• 3:33
  me and help me? Because I really don't believe
• 3:37
  there's there's going to be much downside to it.
• 3:40
  I don't think the fear is ever going to live up to what you're
• 3:43
  worried about. OK, so you have a situation
• 3:46
  you're dealing with with a guy who invited you on his work
• 3:49
  trip. That's a little weird to me.
• 3:51
  I'm going to be honest with you. And I know you were concerned
• 3:54
  about the whole implication of having to sleep with him.
• 3:57
  So let's talk about it. Yeah, and we got along very
• 4:00
  well. And it was actually, I feel like
• 4:03
  it was very sincere. He's just like, hey, you know,
• 4:06
  I'm going to LA in a couple weeks or in September and would
• 4:12
  you want to come with me? You know, it wasn't.
• 4:15
  I don't think it. Was Oh, I see.
• 4:16
  OK, that's different. So, so OK, so let me ask you
• 4:19
  some questions though. How many times have you gone out
• 4:22
  with him at that? Point By that time we were on
• 4:26
  our second date and he called me like every day and we would talk
• 4:31
  like for an hour. So then he asked you on the work
• 4:34
  trip and then what happened? Yeah.
• 4:38
  I think I was just like, yeah, I think, you know, that's we can
• 4:41
  talk about it a little bit more just to see like what's the, you
• 4:44
  know, we could talk about it a little bit more to see what is
• 4:47
  it. Where does he live?
• 4:48
  He lives about 40 minutes from me.
• 4:52
  We ended up parting ways anyways.
• 4:55
  Yeah, but. Why'd you do that?
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  I think, you know, we kind of talked about it and I'm being a
• 5:04
  little bit more flexible, but I didn't necessarily want to be so
• 5:07
  intimate, especially sexually before marriage.
• 5:11
  I, I think there's rules to every exception just to put that
• 5:14
  out there. And so I kind of told him that
• 5:18
  and he's like, oh, OK, you know, he appreciated that.
• 5:21
  He respected that, and but that's not what he was looking
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  for, so. Interesting.
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  OK, yeah, I'm glad that you, I mean.
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  And yeah, in regarding the work trip, he would have had to have
• 5:30
  gotten you your own room and all that too, you know?
• 5:33
  Yeah, yeah. And I, I'm glad that it happened
• 5:36
  the way that it happened because yeah, I don't think I would have
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  Yeah. Anyways, so.
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  OK, so that makes me think, you know, sometimes you guys, when
• 5:45
  you ask me these questions, it opens up the vault and that's
• 5:48
  what I call my brain here. So that triggers this memory of
• 5:51
  just one of the strangest situations, that strangest
• 5:56
  conversation, certainly that I had with a client years and
• 5:59
  years ago. This was like COVID when, you
• 6:01
  know, everybody's brains were melting down and everybody was
• 6:04
  worried about everything. And I had this client that was a
• 6:06
  huge movie star, well known, sexy, amazing guy who was super
• 6:10
  cool, but he came up with the weirdest thing about, you know,
• 6:14
  sleeping together and asking me all of a sudden came out of the
• 6:18
  blue. And This is why you guys, when
• 6:21
  you are going to decide decide to sleep together, I think if
• 6:24
  you really want to make sure somebody's, you know, serious,
• 6:27
  then you guys go get tested together.
• 6:29
  That's something you do as a couple.
• 6:30
  That's what I think. But anyway, here you go.
• 6:33
  He asked me, Gina, when you're pre qualifying these women, I
• 6:36
  want you to ask them if they've ever been sexually abused, which
• 6:39
  I was like, what the F? And I want you to make sure that
• 6:45
  they have clean record on STD's. I'm like, listen, dude, first of
• 6:52
  all, that goes beyond the scope of what I'm doing here, OK?
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  Yeah, that's, you know, I'm never going to ask a woman about
• 7:01
  her childhood trauma. And that's something that a
• 7:06
  conversation that happens between two people when you have
• 7:08
  known each other a long, long time.
• 7:10
  OK, ladies, nobody deserves to know your personal business in
• 7:14
  the early days of dating or quite frankly, until it's a need
• 7:18
  to know basis. Same thing goes for, you know,
• 7:22
  sexually transmitted diseases. 2 people should go and get tested
• 7:26
  together before they sleep together.
• 7:28
  It's you know, otherwise you're never going to know if
• 7:30
  somebody's clean or not, right? Because like I told him, like
• 7:33
  what if I was to ask her when I interview her and then there's a
• 7:36
  significant time or even a week it's gone by and now you've
• 7:39
  dated her and you're going to date her for a while.
• 7:41
  I mean, by the time you sleep with her, she may or may not
• 7:44
  still, you know, be clean in your words.
• 7:47
  All right. So, yeah, that's beyond the
• 7:49
  scope of matchmaking. It's beyond the scope of
• 7:52
  anything anybody needs to know in the early days of dating.
• 7:55
  And this is something that two people work out, you know, once
• 7:58
  they know they're in a committed, safe space of a
• 8:01
  relationship. These are the times when you
• 8:05
  navigate those waters and not before.
• 8:08
  The things I've heard never surprises me.
• 8:13
  Hey there. So I know we're going to talk
• 8:15
  about a few things, right? I know you, we did the the
• 8:18
  freezing of the eggs thing. We got you sorted out on the
• 8:21
  dating apps. You're using my tricks to tell
• 8:24
  the men that you have frozen your eggs and we'll talk about
• 8:27
  that. And and then I think you're
• 8:29
  thinking of getting off the dating apps all together or
• 8:35
  specifically one of them, right? I know you had told me behind
• 8:37
  the scenes that you were planning on deleting one of the
• 8:40
  apps and yeah, let's let's talk about it.
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  I froze my eggs. So I'm looking to start a
• 8:46
  family. But yeah, I'm having tons of
• 8:50
  luck luck on Bumble with getting like extended and getting
• 8:55
  messages to my opening prompt. And I'm it's weird.
• 8:59
  I'm realizing on Hinge there's nothing good right now.
• 9:02
  That's why I'm like, almost like maybe I should just get off of
• 9:05
  that one. But why get so dramatic about
• 9:08
  deleting Hinge? Like, why delete?
• 9:10
  Why not just leave it there? You know what I mean?
• 9:12
  Yeah, that's fine. Yeah.
• 9:14
  I mean, you can, you can just leave it there and then just not
• 9:18
  focus on it. Like you could still just focus
• 9:21
  on Bumble and then maybe once a week check in on Hinge.
• 9:25
  OK. I think, I think I would just do
• 9:27
  it like that instead of like throwing the baby out with the
• 9:30
  bathwater. And did you put the part where I
• 9:33
  told you to put about freezing your eggs?
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  I did I. Added it and it was risky.
• 9:37
  You're afraid to do that, huh? Yeah, I was like, is that being
• 9:40
  too open or honest? But I'm it's good.
• 9:43
  I like the way you did it with the emojis.
• 9:46
  Yes, so the way just so that everybody knows.
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  So for, for you ladies who have frozen your eggs and you and
• 9:53
  you're, you know, you're third, let's say 3738 to in, in the
• 9:58
  early 40s and you still want to have kids.
• 10:00
  I want you to be, I want you to tell these guys if you frozen
• 10:04
  your eggs, that you frozen your eggs.
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  So what we did is, and one of my other ladies, I think that was
• 10:08
  in my program, we like a year ago or so, we kind of came up
• 10:11
  with this together, but it was we took the emoji ice cubes and
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  then plus or wait, no, we took the egg emoji and you insert
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  that in and you do a plus sign and then ice cube.
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  So eggs on ice type of thing it. Was like a cute.
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  Clever way to do it. Yes, exactly.
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  Perfect. OK, now you know, we had to do
• 10:33
  it. We're going to dive in deeper
• 10:35
  right now into the dating apps and how to qualify like a
• 10:39
  matchmaker and how to know, you know, exactly how to navigate
• 10:44
  these waters because it does get complicated.
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  And that's why I think people get frustrated with dating apps
• 10:49
  because they just don't know what they're doing.
• 10:51
  So here we go. I know the problem though, I
• 10:55
  know what you say is we want to make sure that they extend, put
• 10:59
  in effort first. But I had a quick question on
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  that kind of a caveat to that question I guess because I
• 11:07
  decided to do the premium to reach a broader audience of
• 11:10
  those that have already liked me because I'm have such a great
• 11:14
  local selection. Should I still be waiting for
• 11:17
  them to extend it if I've already if I just go in and like
• 11:21
  it like them? So, you know, I don't think you
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  should like them. You know what?
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  I mean, well, no, I mean because you're so OK in this sense
• 11:29
  you're, they've already liked you.
• 11:31
  So you're just going through and selecting out of those?
• 11:35
  You're you're matching them right?
• 11:38
  You're matching. So OK, so to explain for those
• 11:41
  who don't understand. So Leola has a premium profile
• 11:45
  and Bumble. Now I say you don't need a
• 11:48
  premium profile and Bumble and you don't.
• 11:50
  But for the reason Lilia wants to use it, it works for her.
• 11:54
  So I'm just going to explain it. So Lilia has a premium, which
• 11:58
  means she can see who likes her. OK Now again, I personally don't
• 12:04
  think you need it because you can swipe, swipe, swipe.
• 12:07
  But if you do want to be more time efficient and you do want
• 12:09
  to get a premium, then you can see who likes you.
• 12:12
  OK, so then she sees who likes her, so she no longer has to
• 12:17
  blindly swipe. So then she all she has to do at
• 12:21
  that point is go and look at the guys who liked her, then weed
• 12:24
  them out through there and then just match with them.
• 12:28
  Then you still need to wait for them to extend the time.
• 12:32
  Is that what you're asking? You're right.
• 12:34
  So yes, yes, absolutely. Because the only thing, the only
• 12:37
  thing you've done and well, it's extend the time or it's also
• 12:42
  answering. If they know.
• 12:44
  Yeah, if they answer. Your open.
• 12:46
  If, well, if they make the, if they, if they answer with an
• 12:49
  actual response that's appropriate to your opening move
• 12:53
  conversation starter. So one of those two things,
• 12:56
  because here's the thing, all you've done by sifting through
• 13:00
  the likes is cut to the chase about who has already swiped
• 13:04
  right on you. Do you see what I mean?
• 13:05
  Correct. So, so it's still no indication
• 13:08
  of real effort. So you ladies blow me up with
• 13:10
  questions and I love it. Keep them coming.
• 13:12
  Always send them to me at teamgina@ginahendrix.com.
• 13:16
  So here I'm going to tackle a few more.
• 13:18
  Hi Gina. So there's a guy that I had a
• 13:20
  good phone call with and at the end of the call, he asked me out
• 13:25
  for this Thursday. We left the call with the day
• 13:28
  and sort of location identified but I don't have the place we
• 13:32
  are meeting up and the time frame I gave him my available
• 13:35
  window of time. I'm now waiting for him to reach
• 13:37
  out to me to finalize the plans. Is there anything I can do to
• 13:41
  prompt him to make sure it's still on and get the rest of the
• 13:44
  details now? That's a great question.
• 13:46
  So today is Tuesday. I would say probably by noon
• 13:52
  tomorrow, if you haven't heard from him, just shoot him a
• 13:56
  simple text and just say you know, hey, because I'm assuming
• 14:00
  you're not hearing from him at all.
• 14:02
  I guess because if he's chatting and not giving you the details,
• 14:06
  then you could just instead of responding to whatever he's
• 14:10
  saying, you could easily say, hey, by the way, did it up.
• 14:12
  But if you haven't heard from him at all and you're just
• 14:14
  wondering, I would give him until noon tomorrow and then
• 14:17
  just shoot him a text and just say, hey, you know, just trying
• 14:20
  to confirm my plans for Thursday.
• 14:23
  You we had talked about, you know, getting together.
• 14:25
  Do you have details? You know, just checking in.
• 14:28
  Do you have details for me and just keep it like that, like non
• 14:31
  not saying and I haven't heard from you and da da da, just keep
• 14:34
  it casual. Hey, just trying to confirm my
• 14:36
  plans for, you know, tomorrow night.
• 14:38
  I know we had discussed getting together, but we hadn't, you
• 14:41
  know, just thought I'd circle back.
• 14:43
  Do you have details? You know what I mean?
• 14:44
  Just like that. That's how I would do it.
• 14:46
  OK, let's talk about age and bow chicka Bow Wow.
• 14:50
  How do you find a man when you feel so young and vibrant and
• 14:54
  the men in your age category you feel like, you know, just might
• 14:58
  not able be able to go the distance that you're going to
• 15:01
  go? Let's talk about it.
• 15:03
  I'm 73 and I do not come across as 73.
• 15:08
  OK. I don't feel like I do.
• 15:10
  I've been told for many years, Oh my gosh, you're 73 or you're,
• 15:13
  you know, however many years I am.
• 15:16
  And I get told a lot by men, you know, men that I make friends
• 15:21
  with are that are in my social circles, you know, with other
• 15:25
  people, how attractive I am, how intelligent I am.
• 15:29
  The last two men that I dated over the last 5-6 years or 15
• 15:34
  years younger than I was. The, the for me, I'm very
• 15:38
  healthy and active. And I so far in my life, I've
• 15:44
  not met anybody that would be able to match with me as far as
• 15:50
  energy level, excitement in life, you know, activities, that
• 15:57
  kind of thing. And so I'm a little concerned
• 16:00
  about what do I, I've not been on a dating app in probably 15
• 16:04
  years. So I'm not concerned, I mean, a
• 16:07
  little concerned about how I represent myself or what age
• 16:11
  bracket, you know, I put down there because I know for me when
• 16:15
  I was on there 15 years ago, you know, right around 60, I'm
• 16:21
  getting all these, all this interest from people that are 80
• 16:24
  that look like there's some kind of mountain man and like what of
• 16:29
  course, you know, I'm not interested in them, but what can
• 16:32
  I do about that situation? I'm open to, to, you know, to
• 16:38
  open myself up to just. To looking at men in other
• 16:40
  places. Oh, absolutely.
• 16:42
  Absolutely I am. First of all, I'm going to tell
• 16:45
  you what I tell everybody, which is, which is exceptional.
• 16:49
  People are few and far. Between, you know.
• 16:51
  What I'm saying like, and that's at every age, I mean, that's
• 16:53
  women in their 30s, their 40s, their 50s and and of course at
• 16:56
  your age as well. So I think that you just have to
• 17:00
  know that I think we get so conditioned to thinking for
• 17:04
  whatever reason that we get on the dating apps and we should
• 17:06
  see all these phenomenal people. But I think I mean, honestly, if
• 17:11
  you see one in a week that's on the bullseye that you connect
• 17:14
  with, it's more than what's happening for you in the real
• 17:16
  world. Absolutely.
• 17:18
  Right. Right.
• 17:20
  Yeah, You see what I'm saying. So.
• 17:21
  Yeah. And and yet the phenomena.
• 17:23
  And so here's the thing. If you see like a phenomenal man
• 17:27
  in the real world, now it's like, well, how you going to
• 17:30
  really connect with him? Is he really single and
• 17:32
  available? You don't know any details,
• 17:34
  whereas if one that you haven't seen in in two weeks, you
• 17:38
  haven't seen anybody good. And then one in two weeks pops
• 17:41
  up and you can see obviously he's single and looking.
• 17:44
  You can see that he's looking for a relationship.
• 17:46
  You can learn, you know, then that's still a win, you know
• 17:50
  what I mean? So I, I really think it's
• 17:52
  managing the expectation. And then I will do is we'll get
• 17:55
  creative. You know, we'll get creative in
• 17:57
  terms of where we're looking, you know, so we'll, we'll
• 18:01
  probably get you on bumble, but we'll get you on hinge as well.
• 18:04
  And we can drop because on Hinge, you can drop the pin in a
• 18:08
  lot of different places. And we, we just will get
• 18:11
  creative, you know, and then, and then my goal is just hoping
• 18:15
  that we hit the bullseye with one great guy in, in a, in a
• 18:18
  couple weeks, you know, because again, just to remind everybody,
• 18:22
  it's more than what, who you're connect, even if you only meet
• 18:25
  one for not, let's just say it, worst case scenario, you, you
• 18:28
  just connect with one guy in a whole month and he's on the
• 18:30
  bullseye and he aligns with everything.
• 18:33
  And that's still more than the that then generally what's
• 18:36
  happening for most people in the real world.
• 18:38
  Right. And and I have a mantra that I
• 18:40
  use, which is ask and then you'll know, right?
• 18:43
  And so. That also means to me, put
• 18:45
  yourself out there and then, you know, put your put your foot in
• 18:49
  the water. You know, yeah, in the water,
• 18:53
  absolutely. Test it, you know, and and
• 18:55
  that's how you find out. So OK, I'm good.
• 18:58
  A fun question here, can I ask the ladies what are some of
• 19:00
  their non negotiables? I had a guy lie about his age
• 19:03
  and not clarify this early with me.
• 19:07
  I am matched, you know, for me I have no problem as long as
• 19:10
  somebody comes clean. I prefer in their bio, you know,
• 19:14
  and I went round and round with somebody about this because I
• 19:18
  think that until you're faced faced with this scenario where
• 19:22
  you get over where once you hit a certain age, you get skipped
• 19:25
  over by people you want to meet and you might look exceptionally
• 19:28
  young for your age. Because, because this whole
• 19:30
  thing is about sharing each other's perspective so we can
• 19:33
  see things from a different perspective.
• 19:35
  So I'm just curious, at what point did he come clean about
• 19:38
  his age? And I will tell you if I think
• 19:41
  that's he waited too long or if it was reasonable.
• 19:45
  Do you want to unmute? Yeah.
• 19:48
  Can you hear me? Yeah.
• 19:49
  Perfect. OK, so we had several messages
• 19:52
  go back and forth and he did to his credit look young for his
• 19:55
  age, but he was a good over 10 years older than what he had
• 19:59
  stated. And he never did come clean with
• 20:02
  me. I managed to do do a little
• 20:04
  Google sleuthing and he was actually a pretty prominent like
• 20:08
  amateur golf player. So it was pretty easy to find
• 20:11
  his age and he never wanted to come clean with me.
• 20:15
  And I was like, you know, what if he sees this?
• 20:18
  As a little white, it may be a little white lie to him, but if
• 20:20
  he sees us as OK and not coming clean, then what else would he
• 20:23
  see as a little white lie that's OK not to come clean with down
• 20:26
  the line, right? So I immediately maybe not as
• 20:30
  interested in him. Right.
• 20:32
  I mean, I think I think it's tricky you know, you guys have
• 20:35
  me to help you navigate when to reveal the age yeah, but I but I
• 20:41
  do think it is better to come clean sooner rather than later
• 20:45
  because. If he.
• 20:46
  Had sent his. Bio I would have been you find
• 20:48
  with them totally. Exactly, exactly right.
• 20:51
  So yeah, I agree he never told you and you would have probably
• 20:54
  if even if he had said something like early on in the first
• 20:58
  initial messages. Exactly.
• 21:00
  Yeah, Like, hey, by the way, I would have been totally fine
• 21:03
  with that because I'm honest and but he I don't know at what
• 21:07
  point he was planning to tell me, but it was like messages in
• 21:10
  and I'm like he still hasn't. I know this and he hasn't come
• 21:12
  clean yet. So.
• 21:13
  Right. There's a lot of men who who
• 21:16
  would love a woman, and I know a lot of guys who want women
• 21:19
  around their own age, but they think which is accurate.
• 21:23
  There's not a lot of women in their 70s who look like a right.
• 21:27
  I mean, very few, very few. OK, so then they're they're
• 21:32
  going to skip it, not because they think 70s are too old for
• 21:36
  them, but because they've not often times seen women that look
• 21:40
  exceptional for their age. So there's that.
• 21:43
  That's the way to frame it because I know that that's the
• 21:46
  truth. So if they're not going to look
• 21:47
  at women in their 60s, it's only because they've seen a lot of
• 21:51
  women who just don't look phenomenal in their 60s.
• 21:54
  And there's a lot of women who don't keep themselves together
• 21:56
  in their 50s either. OK, so that's kind of that's
• 21:59
  that's the way that goes. So you guys, dating is rough out
• 22:04
  there. Nobody's going to tell you
• 22:06
  otherwise. But the key to your sanity is to
• 22:11
  pre qualify in the best way possible.
• 22:14
  So let's talk about that. So I've been going through some
• 22:18
  of the profiles now because we're we're getting to the point
• 22:21
  of, you know, you looking at these profiles of men that I
• 22:24
  match with and such. I know it one time or someplace
• 22:28
  you said if they don't have a job or retired or something
• 22:33
  listed, pass them. And so I've been my number one
• 22:37
  thing now and tell me if I'm doing this right because
• 22:40
  sometimes I come across somebody I'm like, oh darn it, he doesn't
• 22:44
  have his job. So I will just look number one.
• 22:49
  I won't even look at the profile or the picture.
• 22:52
  I'll look and see if they have a job listed.
• 22:54
  If they don't, they get a left immediately.
• 22:56
  Left is that. Right.
• 22:59
  Or am I just throwing away maybe some people that might be
• 23:03
  decent? OK.
• 23:04
  I love that you brought this up regarding the guys.
• 23:07
  I think it's great that you look at the details first.
• 23:09
  I do think though, so if you look at a picture, OK and he has
• 23:14
  like and and remind me the age range of the guys that you're
• 23:16
  targeting. I'm looking like mid 40s to 60s.
• 23:21
  I'm 55, but I'm kind of, what should I say, immature.
• 23:26
  Yeah, can't really go younger because I mean you can do
• 23:31
  whatever you want, OK. But I will tell you the reality
• 23:34
  of the trade off if you go younger, OK.
• 23:36
  And there's, listen, there's exceptions, but but very rare
• 23:39
  exceptions are like winning the lottery, like very few and far
• 23:42
  between. Because for the most part, and I
• 23:44
  feel very confident saying this, the trade off, if you want
• 23:47
  younger, they're not going to have as much as you do.
• 23:50
  And if you're fine with that, then we go younger.
• 23:53
  But if you want a guy that's at your level that has as much or
• 23:56
  more than you do, it's got to be at least like for you, 55, I
• 24:00
  would say 53 and then above and above.
• 24:04
  You know what I mean? So OK.
• 24:06
  And it does seem like when when you're messing around with the
• 24:10
  40s, they still have younger kids, which.
• 24:13
  It's a lot. It's not a lifestyle match as
• 24:15
  well. True.
• 24:16
  So. OK, so but but but hold on.
• 24:18
  But let me give you clarification on the other
• 24:20
  stuff. So right, So if you are older,
• 24:23
  OK, if they're in their 40s, they should have their jobs like
• 24:25
  that. That doesn't even make sense
• 24:26
  that they wouldn't. But if it's, but if it's and
• 24:30
  then, and then there is the occasion where see if they don't
• 24:32
  have a job, I at least look at look at education.
• 24:35
  So if they have a graduate degree or some advanced college
• 24:39
  degree, then I give it a little bit of wiggle room.
• 24:42
  If if their outfits look nice, if they look like effort in
• 24:46
  every other way, you're going to I'm going to start teaching you
• 24:50
  how I kind of know the difference between a guy that's
• 24:53
  a little more high level. Even if he doesn't put his
• 24:56
  occupation. I mean there is wiggle room
• 24:58
  there. I would say and I've had women
• 25:00
  test it. In fact, I don't know if you
• 25:02
  know the act realized slammers, but he's been in a ton of stuff.
• 25:05
  But his sisters, my friend, as you like Gina OK, my friends and
• 25:09
  I, we've tested your theory on the dating apps a whole bunch of
• 25:12
  us and we agree. If a man doesn't have his job
• 25:15
  listed, he usually doesn't have a good career or he's in
• 25:19
  transition or whatever. So I would say for the majority
• 25:22
  that is going to be applicable to the most, but there is with
• 25:26
  tiny bit of wiggle room. Sometimes once in a while a guy
• 25:29
  doesn't put his career down. And if that's the case and you
• 25:32
  go, huh, I think he's kind of cute, but he doesn't have his
• 25:35
  career down at least factor in what's his education, how's he
• 25:39
  dressed in the other pictures? Does he look high level at all?
• 25:42
  And then I would I would total, total up his score mentally.
• 25:45
  And I'm just speaking figuratively, but do you see
• 25:48
  what I mean? I would do it like that.
• 25:49
  OK, so total up his score. Move on.
• 25:52
  Now let's talk about when to hold them, when to fold them
• 25:56
  ladies, because I think sometimes you guys kick people
• 25:58
  to the curb. I think men do this to kick
• 25:59
  people to the curb too easily. So when should you kick them to
• 26:04
  the curb? When should you leave them?
• 26:06
  At the fair? And you know, how do you
• 26:09
  navigate these waters? Good morning, everybody.
• 26:13
  The first but I was already out on Friday and someone I've been
• 26:18
  talking to locally because, you know, I'm in.
• 26:21
  I was going to head out to Joslyn Pickens, but I was
• 26:24
  already out and I really wanted to go to the fair.
• 26:26
  And he said, hey, look, I'm this is where I'm going to be.
• 26:28
  Would you like to meet up here and we can talk and get to know
• 26:32
  each other in a open, you know, open area, you know, the whole
• 26:37
  public area. And I'm like, Oh, I really
• 26:39
  wanted to go. So I'm like, all right.
• 26:41
  But now while I was there, this is did not want to talk.
• 26:47
  He I literally would ask good questions like you would do in
• 26:50
  your in your chat, like, Hey, what are you looking for in a
• 26:55
  relationship? Because you I noticed you didn't
• 26:57
  have this in your profile. Really like to, you know, what
• 27:00
  do you like? I see he bought a book, he
• 27:03
  bought this Western series. And I was like, OK, how so?
• 27:07
  I see you really like to read what other genres?
• 27:09
  And he blew the question off. I'm like, at one point, is it
• 27:13
  OK? And how do you gently say, you
• 27:15
  know what? I I don't think this is going to
• 27:17
  work and walk away in a nice way.
• 27:20
  OK, so hang on, let me let me back this sucker.
• 27:22
  Let me back this sucker up. OK, so you met him online?
• 27:28
  Yeah, I met him on Bubble. Skipped the call and went
• 27:31
  straight to the date. Right, 'cause I was already out
• 27:34
  and I was Friday and I was born and I was going to the fair and
• 27:37
  he's like, hey, let's meet at the fair, I figured.
• 27:39
  And then you showed, and then you showed up to meet him and he
• 27:42
  was a dud. He was good looking in but his.
• 27:46
  Attitude. Yeah, I know his attitude itself
• 27:49
  was was a complete dud. And I was like, you've got to be
• 27:52
  kidding me. Like you don't want to take the
• 27:55
  time. And another thing that did this,
• 27:57
  and I would say this for everybody, if a man walks ahead
• 28:00
  of you, just leave because he's never going to put you ahead or
• 28:05
  equally. And that's like one of my
• 28:07
  biggest pet peeves. But how do you walk?
• 28:10
  How what's a great way to say besides my first sarcastic I'm
• 28:15
  leaving response or just walking away and not saying anything?
• 28:18
  So I don't think he would have noticed for a while.
• 28:20
  You know what? I, I would have just said, hey,
• 28:23
  you know what, John, Jake Jingleheimer, Schmidt, whatever.
• 28:27
  Hey, I think, you know, it's been great meeting you, but I'm,
• 28:31
  and here's another way to really do it.
• 28:32
  So he can say face to is, I think this is kind of a mutual
• 28:36
  thing and I'm not really feeling it.
• 28:38
  I don't think you're really feeling it.
• 28:39
  I don't think this is the right match because that gives him an
• 28:41
  opportunity to just agree and not feel like he's, he's being
• 28:45
  rejected. He can pretend that he was in on
• 28:48
  it too. Do you know what I mean?
• 28:49
  So you, I would frame it like that.
• 28:52
  You could frame it like that always, whether it's in person
• 28:54
  and whether it's you do a follow up text or whatever.
• 28:57
  And you know, so if you're in person and you want to leave,
• 28:59
  just like, hey, you know, I think we're on the same page
• 29:02
  here. I'm not really feeling it.
• 29:04
  I don't think you're feeling it. I just don't think this is the
• 29:06
  right match. So I'm going to leave.
• 29:09
  But it was great meeting you and I know you're going to be great
• 29:13
  for somebody and you'll find your person.
• 29:14
  Boom, that's it. You got a question for me?
• 29:17
  So I have been struggling with my dating app because I my area
• 29:24
  and so I had a total selection of four men like that was all
• 29:29
  that was on the app. So I opened it up for travel and
• 29:35
  I put in Miami because that's the closest, pretty much the
• 29:39
  closest location for me that has people on it and it and it seems
• 29:43
  to be So as soon as men find out, or at least the ones that
• 29:49
  I've talked to, as soon as they find out that I don't live in
• 29:51
  the States, they immediately ghost me.
• 29:54
  Which is fine. I mean, I get it.
• 29:56
  I would have done the same thing if I lived in the States, but
• 29:59
  it's I'm just not sure that I'm doing the right thing.
• 30:04
  I will say we're going to have to get creative as long as you
• 30:08
  know that. But I will say, you know, I've
• 30:10
  had lots of conversations with women who live in areas now.
• 30:13
  It's not. I mean, I think one of the
• 30:16
  stumbling blocks certainly is being on an island.
• 30:19
  It doesn't mean that a man can even drive to you, right?
• 30:21
  Does he have to fly? Yes.
• 30:22
  It has to fly, yes. Right.
• 30:25
  So and then what are your, what is your time off look like?
• 30:28
  Like do you get blocks of time off?
• 30:30
  I do, which is why I put because it would be super easy for me to
• 30:34
  fly to Miami. I typically have anywhere from
• 30:37
  three to five days in a row off OK, and that happened, you know,
• 30:41
  I work for and then I should be off for depending on the
• 30:46
  schedule, Sometimes it's only three, sometimes it's 5.
• 30:49
  But it's super easy to fly to Miami and that's a that's a
• 30:52
  relatively cheap ticket. That's not anything major.
• 30:54
  So. I have dealt with women who
• 30:56
  lived in areas where it was slim pickings on the men.
• 30:59
  I mean, honestly, even my, I don't know if you guys.
• 31:02
  So maybe some of you have heard like where I talked about my and
• 31:06
  when I reached out, it'd been a short amount of time.
• 31:08
  She's like, oh, Gina, I'm engaged.
• 31:10
  I was like, what? What?
• 31:12
  And she's like, I met this billionaire on Bumble.
• 31:14
  He's in Texas. I'm a but we're making it work.
• 31:17
  It was this whirlwind thing and she's married to him now.
• 31:22
  And so she was talking about how men were just flying her
• 31:25
  everywhere and, and she's an attractive woman, but she's not
• 31:29
  like a supermodel or anything like that.
• 31:31
  But I think it's helpful because there are men that are open to
• 31:35
  it. They'll be those that won't that
• 31:37
  that won't be into long distance dating.
• 31:39
  And that's fine. That's just the way it goes.
• 31:41
  OK. What's your question?
• 31:43
  How are we going to get together with somebody 100 miles away?
• 31:47
  I mean, who's saying to do that? I thought you said it a few
• 31:53
  times to other people. OK.
• 31:56
  No, I mean, it depends. There's women, there's women who
• 31:58
  never see any decent guys where they live and the women are open
• 32:02
  to relocating. So in that case they can open it
• 32:06
  up. I mean, again, you know, if
• 32:08
  you're, if, if people tell me they never see good guys where
• 32:11
  they're located and you know, then then what's the, what's the
• 32:15
  alternative, right? We've got to, we've got to turn
• 32:19
  off, we've got to open it up. But men, if they're interested
• 32:23
  enough, we'll make it happen. They will.
• 32:26
  It's just most of the time women haven't experienced that.
• 32:29
  But you know, it just depends on the situation.
• 32:33
  Yeah, it's a, it's a situation to a case by case basis.
• 32:37
  OK. Makes sense.
• 32:38
  Thank you. So.
• 32:38
  Much, Sure, sure. OK.
• 32:40
  And I know you had a question about love leveling up.
• 32:43
  It really has to do around leveling up my mindset as you're
• 32:48
  giving me feet around men and what is a high value or a high
• 32:51
  level man By the way, I've just been swiping like a guy.
• 32:54
  So I'm not actually picking any guys that I like or don't like.
• 32:57
  I'm not. I hadn't been filtering that
• 32:58
  way, which I will start doing so.
• 33:01
  So so now I'm starting to be a little bit more selective as I'm
• 33:04
  swiping, like kind of putting a little bit of your filter on me
• 33:08
  as I'm swiping, not spending a lot of time, but just at least,
• 33:11
  you know, getting rid of super low level.
• 33:14
  And so the thing as I was listening to various of your
• 33:17
  videos and and some of the books and everything like that, one
• 33:20
  thing that I haven't been able to synthesize.
• 33:22
  On the one hand, what you've said is sort of like these super
• 33:25
  successful, wealthy, you know, name all of the great qualities
• 33:29
  men is they want an interesting smart woman.
• 33:33
  Like they want someone who can hold her own, all of that kind
• 33:36
  of stuff. So that's sort of the one kind
• 33:39
  of end of of things. And at the same time, I think
• 33:43
  one of the critiques that you have about potentially dating
• 33:46
  one of these men is like, you know, you, you that they are
• 33:50
  looking for somebody to be supportive of them and to sort
• 33:53
  of be in their life. And it's really you kind of sort
• 33:56
  of give up a little piece of you, right.
• 33:58
  And so I don't know how do I synthesize those two things
• 34:01
  together? Because on the one hand, you
• 34:04
  know, I have my life, I have, you know, all of these things.
• 34:07
  And I am setting up my life to be geographically more free so
• 34:11
  that if I met a fabulous guy in name, you know, in LA, you know,
• 34:15
  I could move to LA for him. And like, yeah, that would
• 34:18
  totally, that could totally work.
• 34:19
  And I still would have my own interests and would still have
• 34:22
  some of my own life. And so I don't know if my
• 34:25
  questions really coming through in this long winded way of me
• 34:28
  saying it, but I'm I'm trying to understand where is that balance
• 34:32
  or that where the where those two kind of intersect?
• 34:37
  What I find is it kind of the guys go in two different sort of
• 34:41
  categories. I think there are those younger
• 34:42
  guys who haven't had their families yet.
• 34:46
  And, and I think that's a, that's a different kind of guy
• 34:49
  looking for a different kind of lady than the category that you
• 34:52
  you're in. So the guys who've already had
• 34:54
  their kids, then they're done that maybe they're empty
• 34:57
  nesters. These are men who are in a place
• 35:00
  in life where I find they want to have, they want to make this
• 35:03
  time around that they have even more in common with because they
• 35:06
  weren't thinking of those things the first time around.
• 35:08
  It was more about is she at my level, education, career,
• 35:13
  family, are we going to mesh to start our family and blah, blah,
• 35:16
  blah, right. But now these guys are in a
• 35:19
  different phase where maybe they realize, gosh, maybe I would
• 35:22
  have liked to have had more things in common or maybe I've
• 35:24
  discovered golf. When we got married, she wasn't
• 35:26
  into it. So they want to have things in
• 35:28
  common, more in common with the lady.
• 35:30
  I find they really, really do OK.
• 35:33
  They're not looking, they're not looking for women where they can
• 35:35
  go off and, and play golf all day and the woman does their own
• 35:39
  thing. Those are usually the marriages
• 35:40
  that ended up end up usually kind of coming apart.
• 35:43
  And so then they decide when they're going back to it, they
• 35:45
  really want to share interests like skiing together or, or
• 35:49
  tennis or a lot of activities, because a lot of these men keep
• 35:52
  themselves in great shape and they're very active or they're
• 35:55
  traveling. So they want, they want a woman
• 35:58
  who who does have some sort of flexible schedule to travel with
• 36:02
  them and do that kind of lifestyle.
• 36:04
  And, and you know, listen, here's the thing, here's the
• 36:07
  thing, right? Like if, if I were going to
• 36:09
  date, if I were going to date, and here's the reason I don't
• 36:12
  date. I used to, I spent all my life
• 36:14
  up until my 40s just dating. I mean, listen, I dated
• 36:17
  rockstars and movie stars and all that stuff, but but I also
• 36:20
  dated a ton of losers, OK. And, and, and now what I know
• 36:24
  about men is, is different. And you know, there's no way I'm
• 36:29
  setting with, I am setting women up and changing their lives and
• 36:32
  they're flying all around the world and they're living their
• 36:34
  best life. And so if you think for two
• 36:37
  seconds I could ever go back and date those low level losers I
• 36:39
  used to, I cannot. But at the same time, I'm also
• 36:42
  running a business and I have all these animals and I am also
• 36:46
  not in a place where I would put any of this on the back burner
• 36:50
  for those guys. So I'm in a weird position
• 36:52
  because I'm unwilling to reprioritize my life for these
• 36:56
  guys. So depending on the kind of guy
• 36:58
  you want, you have to think it all through.
• 37:01
  Do you know what I mean? Like like, you know, and and so
• 37:05
  and and I certainly could date a regular guy.
• 37:08
  So there is an in between between those guys that are high
• 37:11
  level fly in the world and those guys that are like, you know,
• 37:14
  broken down lizard there. There is this mid space.
• 37:16
  Absolutely. But I think for any kind of mid
• 37:19
  space, even just a regular good guy, you still have to re
• 37:23
  prioritize your life. I mean, he's going to want, you
• 37:26
  know, it's going to not maybe want to sleep in the bed with
• 37:30
  eight animals. You know, he's going to you
• 37:32
  know, so you do have to just get clear on where you're at in
• 37:35
  life. OK, just because you you read
• 37:38
  and see about these people jet setting all this.
• 37:41
  Will that really suit you? And and it's OK if it won't.
• 37:44
  You just have to get clear on, on, on what kind of concessions
• 37:49
  you're, you're willing to make, because I think as we get older,
• 37:52
  we do have have to make some sort of concessions.
• 37:55
  I think a big mistake a lot of men make, especially men more so
• 37:59
  than women, is they just think the woman should just show up
• 38:01
  and immediately fit into their life as it is.
• 38:04
  But no, as we get older, we have to be willing to make more
• 38:07
  concessions for the other person and more space in our life in
• 38:11
  order to, to accommodate them in their life.
• 38:14
  And, and it goes both ways. You know, a lot of people don't
• 38:17
  don't think that through. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
• 38:20
  Thank you. That's that's really helpful to
• 38:21
  help me think about it a little more and and get my get really
• 38:25
  clear on what my concessions can be and what they won't because
• 38:29
  there's some I won't make. So that's good.
• 38:31
  So that will take us out for today.
• 38:34
  Hopefully you've learned to raise those standards.
• 38:37
  Be smart about dating and do not ever take less than you deserve.
• 38:42
  I see so many great women lower their standards, take less than
• 38:45
  they deserve. Also, another thing I want to
• 38:47
  say about freezing the eggs. OK, so when it comes to freezing
• 38:51
  your eggs, if you can afford to do it, do it.
• 38:54
  It's an insurance policy. And I'm telling you that once
• 38:58
  the ship leaves the dock and you're not on the ship and it
• 39:02
  leaves without you, you're going to feel differently than how you
• 39:05
  might feel now about, oh, well, maybe I want kids, maybe I
• 39:08
  don't. OK, so there is no stigma around
• 39:12
  it. In fact, what I've learned is
• 39:13
  that a lot of times when I've told clients, well, you know,
• 39:18
  she's frozen her eggs because maybe the woman is technically a
• 39:22
  little older than what he normally dates.
• 39:24
  Usually they want to date younger because it gives them
• 39:26
  more of a runway to have kids. But if I'm able to say, well,
• 39:28
  she's frozen her eggs, he's like, oh, so well, OK, then.
• 39:32
  So if you can get the insurance policy and freeze your eggs and
• 39:35
  do all that, I highly recommend it.
• 39:37
  All right, So, but do what makes you happy.
• 39:40
  Always live your best life every day.
• 39:42
  And I'm here to support you. And if you ever need anything
• 39:45
  and you have questions, or if you want to join us for a live
• 39:48
  rapid fire, just e-mail U.S. Team Gina at ginahendricks.com
• 39:53
  and I'll talk to you soon. I want to keep up with more of
• 39:59
  Gina's advice. Follow her on TikTok and
• 40:02
  Instagram at matchmaker Gina Hendricks or visit her
• 40:05
  matchmaking website ginahendricks.com.