Latest / The Drama Drop / Living Out Loud: Reality TV, Internet Culture, and Authenticity with Elena Davies

Transcript

Living Out Loud: Reality TV, Internet Culture, and Authenticity with Elena Davies · The Drama Drop

• The Drama Drop: All right, you guys, welcome back to the Drama Drop. Today's episode is a good one because we are diving into reality TV, internet culture, and the mental side of living your life in front of an audience. And honestly, I could not think of a better guest for this conversation. I'm so excited to say that I am joined by Elena Davies, who you may know from Big Brother Season 19. If you watched that season, you already know she brought personality, opinions. She was very much not afraid to say what everyone else was thinking. And since then, Alaina has built a whole brand beyond reality TV. She's a content creator and someone who has been very open about her life, relationships and experiences, basically navigating what it means to go from being watched on TV to continuing to live publicly online. And that's exactly why I wanted her on today because we're seeing this huge overlap right now between reality TV and influencer culture, especially with all the drama surrounding people like Taylor, Frankie, Paul, the lines between what's real life and what's content. are getting blurrier by the day. So today we're getting into all of it, what it actually feels like to be on reality TV, how it impacts your mental health, what happens when the internet forms an opinion about you and how that compares to the kind of public scrutiny influencers are dealing with now. It's honest, it's a little chaotic, and there are definitely some hot takes in there. So be sure to follow her on Instagram if you aren't, it's at Elena Davies, and then check out her podcast where you can binge all her past episodes that are iconic at the Miscellaneous Podcast. So enough rambling for me. Let's get into it. And here's my conversation with Alaina Davies. Enjoy. Davies, I cannot believe we are chatting here today. I am seriously, I'm so excited. I don't think you have any idea. I am such a huge fan of yours. I have been following you and been obsessed with you from the moment that you showed up on my TV screen for Big Brother season 19. Seriously, I was like, this chick is hilarious. She's gorgeous, stunning, sassy, all of the things. Like I'm truly so obsessed with you. So thank you so much. Yeah, I know. Texas girl. So you had to root for the fellow Texas girl. I know that's built in. feel like 100 % I was like Texas done. Like that's my pick. That's my winner. That's my girl. Yeah, I hate to say it as someone who's like watch reality TV like every season of Big Brother in the past. I'm like Texas. I'm rooting for Texas. Like I do other states do that do other like if there is like the state of Montana just every year waiting for their like one Montana person to like pop up on TV for them to just go hard for it doesn't matter who they are. Absolutely not. No, I think Texas there's just it's just a different breed because to why do they keep putting Texas people on you know what mean? Every year it doesn't fail like there is a Texas person. It's like that is tried and true pride all that and yeah, whoever it is. We technically had to my season because Cody claims Texas and he was living in Texas prior to going on the show. we had a like, and like same Metroplex, like him and I lived before starting the season. We probably lived like 20 minutes away from each other, which in the DFW Metroplex, that's, you know, that's pretty substantially close. There's like 40 cities that are all 20 minutes, like just no matter where you're going. Yeah. That actually is kind of crazy. Now that I think about it, that They would put two people on the same season, such close proximity, but I mean, amazing. Like I'm just, I'm so happy you were on there. I don't know. We're a very polarizing season. either really love us or you really hate us. It either worked or it didn't. And you either really liked me in Cody or you really didn't. So, no, a hundred percent, which I will get more into that. But, ⁓ so speaking of just before we get into that, the, just the DFW area. ⁓ okay. So I know you are a huge Fort Worth. girly. Like, I consider you to be the mayor of Fort Worth, honestly, like, you constantly are just, you are. Okay, so okay, cool. I didn't know if that was something I just made up. lot of people know. Okay. So yeah, but I'm actually the mayor. Okay. Okay, perfect. I'm glad we cleared that up because I there was a reason I was thinking that so it's true. That makes sense. Okay. True. Perfect. I love that. Yeah, you're always gallivanting in Fort Worth and I'm obsessed with it. I seriously You're just so cute. love all your little get ups in your outfits and just seeing your stories that you post. so I know we're in like the same area, but I mean, I don't really go out that much, but if I do, I don't go to Fort Worth and that's not anything against Fort Worth. It's just because of the proximity of where, like, it's just not that easy. So going out in Fort Worth, what, like, what's your go-to night? Like what is paint the picture for us as to what a perfect night in Fort Worth. I mean, I love Jotty Garcia's. It's legendary in Fort Worth. think it's legendary in Texas. If there are any listeners who are unfamiliar, it's it's a restaurant, but it's not just a restaurant. like this beautiful garden like escape. You're somehow in the middle of the stockyards, but like in the middle of Costa Rica and there are fountains and birds and it's huge. takes up a whole block. And I, a lot of people, we'll shit on the food and they're like, ⁓ the shoot, the food is average. It's really about the ambiance and the experience. No, I, the food flaps. I love the food. Order a la carte, get yourself a little nacho, a little cheese enchilada and margaritas. that's, mean, that is the setup to a perfect Fort Worth, especially if the weather is nice and you get to enjoy outside. mean, it's perfect, but I love the stockyards. I will say I have a little bit of a love hate just because ⁓ it's gotten so popular. Like, did you know that more people visit the stockyards than like Paris, France. actually did it. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's a real fact. I've seen it like 10 times in the last two years on the internet. So that's all I need as far as like fat confirmation, but it's just, it's very popular. Western culture is so popular now, especially with all of like the Yellowstone and land. They film a lot out here. So I feel like it's popular to come do Western stuff, which I love because we like give. attention to the industry and that world and like appreciate the What all it takes but at the same time it's just it's almost hard to go out in the stockyards now and enjoy it like we used to because There are so many people and so many tourists ⁓ But again, like I said, it's like it's like a love hate because my favorite thing one of my favorite things in the world is like show someone Fort Worth to like get and take someone around Fort Worth and like teeth like we have the world's largest honky tonk the world's oldest honky tonk and the world's ⁓ oldest saloon or smallest saloon all in the same block and we still shut down the street for the cattle drive twice a day. Like there's iconic things that happen in my little town. So I'm like so proud of it and I love to like show it off and share it with people but at the same time I'm like but no it's mine like don't ruin it for the people who actually live here. Right exactly. But yeah it's The stockyards is so fun. Even the areas that are like touristy and kind of like new and modernized like Mule Alley. There's like Hotel Drover is beautiful and amazing and there's so many cute things. But I love like walking like the old red brick and like going into the legit like cowboy bars and yeah, yeah, it's fun. It's a fun little city to be from and it's not all cowboy stuff. Like we have other areas that like our downtown is amazing and We have the West Seventh area, is kind of like our little college bar area. But yeah, the Stockyards is probably my perfect day. And then also if someone would just like follow me around and buy me hats and boots, if I can include that in my perfect Fort Worth day, somehow a sugar daddy got involved. don't know how, but you said. to amp up the Western wardrobe. Yeah, really do. Wait. Because I don't have enough hats. Well, if you aren't watching, I just moved my head a little bit and there were five hats on the wall. Which honestly that is amazing and I'm really jealous because I think the only cowboy if you can even call it that hat I have is off Amazon for maybe like 25 bucks. I'm just like cosplaying for like a second. can't call it that. No, no, it's not. It's not. ⁓ no, I seriously I love that. Okay, wait. So there's so many things I want to like touch on just with your perfect day because okay, so it's funny. So I know I said like I don't really go out in Fort Worth that often like as an adult with control over my own time. I don't really go that often. what's funny is, ⁓ I mean, I still go to Jote's, but growing up, I used to go to Jote's a lot. I actually used to work at the stockyards for like a small second. Okay. So the souvenir shops. Okay. So there's like three shops that are sister stores. One of them probably what you would recognize the most, the candy barrel. And it's like in that old like shopping alleyway. on the other side of... Yeah. Yes. Yes. Like where... And so like my grandpa, he was the project manager out there for so long. But what's funny about you saying that it being more like commercialized and touristy, I hope he doesn't have like anything where this can't be like addressed, but it was so long. They, a company, you know, pretty much took over like I think from California. to make it more touristy. And so all those people that worked there out. I mean, it was, it was time for- of them were like mom and pop shops. No, ⁓ yes, yes, actually. Yes, it was so sad. And he had worked there ever since. I mean, I have recollection of life. So, you know, Did you grow up going to the spaghetti warehouse? Okay, the only one that I can remember is no longer is that true? that the one you have in the stockyards like up at the top of the hill? That's like one of my core memories as a little girl. It's like but it's not a thing anymore, right? It's not a thing anymore Okay, then maybe any warehouse but like that I remember spaghetti warehouse more than I remember Joe tease as a ⁓ my god and going to riskies ⁓ yeah for sure. Yeah. No, I really yeah, I remember Joe tease a lot just because I would We used to go there every Sunday, like after church or whatever, just for like anything. ⁓ and we still, we try to go, me and my husband as frequently as we can, just because it is kind of a, a stretch. But, but it's just funny because I was like, I really don't do, so like stockyards, like really, truly all I know of it is just working at those shops. And I do know the cattle drive just because been just from working there, but like the fun and I've never really taken the opportunity to Truly deep dive into it. That's where you'll go get your hat is somewhere over there when you get a hat and then you got it you got it break the hat in so you just wear it out so you can do like a two for one little situation. Oh, no, perfect. I can tag along. I'll show you Fort Worth. Even from here, I'll show you Fort Worth. No, 100%. It is a separate town. I need you to show me because it's my husband. He's like, all right, what do we go do? And I'm like, I honestly don't know. The last time, I was really 17 just working in some shops and trying to get out so I could go have fun with my friends. You weren't trying to spend your time there. were trying to get out of there. I was trying to leave. Um, and then, so, and then also trying to like deep dive more into it. Uh, we went to the rodeo for the first time last year. And I know you love the rodeo. I do. I love the rodeo. Okay. So I have to ask, like, is it, are you there? Like, I don't know. Is it like an arena? Is that what you call the rodeo? Like where they do all the rodeo things? Are there like, are you going there with like, Ooh, I really want this horse or no. It's not a horse. What is a bull? A person? Bull rider? Are you there? Like, are there specific people that you're seeing or is it just like, you just like the event itself? Cause I know that I went in there so just like what is happening. Okay. So I have questions then for you. Did you go to the Fort Worth stock show and rodeo at Dickie's arena or did you go to, ⁓ a stockyards cow town Coliseum rodeo? I think it was the cow town Coliseum. Okay. Perfect. ⁓ yeah. So I mean the, At Dickies, for like the Fort Worth Stock Show and Radio, it's more like tournament based. So it's 23 days long. ⁓ you'd be like watching it kind of go down in like brackets sort of. like these people are going to compete if they make it to the next round and then there'll be like the semifinals and the finals. like you, some people are going because they're like rooting for a specific like... cowgirl or cowboy or animal. Some people were for the animals. people that got the money in the game. ⁓ But then also just the events. I can have a good time at the rodeo if I don't know anything. If I'm not like, ⁓ this is a really specific thing. I could just show up at Cowtown Coliseum and go to the rodeo and not even, it could be a PBR all bulls night. It could be some sort of themed something or just. you know, whatever's going on and I'd have a pretty good time. I just think it's it's nostalgic for me. My dad was a cowboy. And so I kind of grew up around it and it's just, mean, like, I just think cowboys are cool. think cowboys are the coolest thing in the world. Cowboys are just cool. I would cowboy do almost anything. Like even just working, I would watch a cowboy work. I mean, half, sometimes rodeos are essentially like, just watching Cowboys work. It's like taking what they do on like the beginning of the Fort Restock Show and rodeo is like a ranchers rodeo and it be like different ranches and farms that compete against each other doing like jobs that you would do like cutting horses or like wrangling or like doing different things. So, and I'm not even like, and I don't know all the everything about everything. Like I don't know a ton about performance horse stuff and like cutting and stuff like that, but it's just fun to watch. Right. And a little scary. And it's a little scary. Yeah. I'm sure you're probably like, ⁓ guys, like this is my thing. Because I really do feel like Western vibes and cowboy is very trendy right now. And I feel like that has just been a new development. Like, I don't know, like when I get my emails from like, ⁓ 25 % off shop here, shop here. It's like, look at our graphic tees. It's like everything that's like Western and cowboy. And I don't know, I just think that's so funny. So you're probably like, Dude, I literally, I have been doing this. Like, this isn't new were even stages of my life where I tried to avoid it because I grew up, it's like, I remember being in college and I even went to such a cowboy school. Like I went to the college that my dad rodeo'd at and was like the president of his rodeo association. Like this is his belt buckle for being like the president of the San Angelo Rodeo Association in 1972. And ⁓ I like tried to like abandon, I was like, I don't like country music. ⁓ my gosh, yeah. Cowboy stuff is so lame. But like low key, think it was just like a weird projection. Like I was trying to heal from some childhood stuff. I don't know, I still am. But at least I acknowledge that I like, like rodeos and I like country music. And I've been able to do that for about 15 years now. I don't know, some weird growth for me. ⁓ so one thing that was so interesting to me is whenever, ⁓ we went to the rodeo, I was like, ⁓ cause again, I went into it really blind. I mean, I just kind of like what was going to happen, but I was so shocked and I don't know why, because this literally just dawned on me that you had one on your big brother season. I didn't realize that rodeo clowns were legit. Like I had no idea. So I was like, I mean, I've heard the term, you know, like, ⁓ rodeo clown or. You know, like that rascal flat song, like they mention it and I never, I don't know. I was so stunned. was like, who is this dude bouncing around with paint on his face and whatever. And I don't know. Like that was just really funny to me. I was like, what can like easily make fun of a rodeo clown and be like, ⁓ that's so goofy. But like, no, those are like tough sons of bitches. And that's even a whole event elsewhere is like bullfighting and it's essentially. Like a bullfighter and like a rodeo clown are like essentially the same thing. Like their job is to like protect the cowboy. So like there are some like, like it's so interesting. Like there would be like a rodeo clown like at the Dickies arena, like, or any big rodeo. Like there's a host that kind of on the show and they kind of entertain, but then there's going to be like four to five, like supplemental, like bullfighters or clowns or whatever you want to call them that are there to like protect that. the human athlete from when they get fucked off or any of that in there. And then they have their own thing, like own events where they'll just like play with bulls and like run at them and jump over them and try to like get them to do stuff like rodeo clowns are like badass motherfuckers. That's so cool. the thing about what's so crazy about Jason being on my season is one, he's like a rodeo clown, which is very cool. Yeah. But additionally, he has his his bull, like his steer as part of his act. So like he's Whistle Nut and Ollie and Ollie is like a trained pet bull, which is like mostly what my dad did. And that's a very low percentage of like what cowboys do and what cowboys are able to do successfully, especially more than once. So I remember telling Jason in the house, like, ⁓ yeah, my dad's a cowboy. He trains longhorn steers primarily like that's his like full gig and you know, trains them for other people and then has them and takes them around for all kinds of things. And he like didn't believe me because he's like, there's just, there's no way that he would. then of course, and I'm like, and my dad's done it four times successfully. Like his steers have been in movies, like he's done this, he's done that, he's done this. And he's like, dude, there's like no way like this girl is just straight up lying to me in the house. And so he literally didn't believe it until, honestly, until like, while after the house, because he finally was in Fort Worth for a rodeo, and my dad came down, and I was like, bring your dead steer. And so my dad loaded it up in the back of a tiny little yellow Chevy truck. The horn stuck out past outside of the truck bed. And my dad drove it like five, six hours from the Hill Country to Fort Worth so that he could meet Jason, hang out with me for a minute, and show him his... year that his last year steer that had been with us. And then of course, once they met and got to talking about all their cowboy stuff and really getting into the nitty gritty stuff that I don't know about, he was like, you weren't lying. I was like, no, I was not lying. Not about that. And yeah, I mean, to be fair, you guys did have Raven on your season and she had a lot of wild stories. So he was probably like, did they just cast everybody? Inverted spine and mince a girl exactly like stomach is paralyzed Chewing up red meat and like exactly thing that we went through I could I was also suspicious of people right a hundred percent Yeah, I I already was gonna be suspicious of people but then you get that version of right human In this version of reality and yeah, you start questioning everything really for sure. ⁓ I believe it Okay, so let's just go back just a little bit. So for the viewers or the listeners ⁓ who don't know anything about big brother. Can you just like give a really quickly? Like scale of scope what big brother is they should by now. They shouldn't be living under a rock. They should know you and follow you. But like for those who maybe don't big brother is like, kind of like survivor meets. the real world. If you're familiar with those shows, it's like a big social experiment that throws 16 people from all across the US from all different walks of life into a house pretty much cast to hate each other. Yeah, and we evict each other one by one. For it for my time, it was $500,000. These days, people are playing for $750,000. But there's a different different types of competitions, whether it be like a physical competition, a memory comp, something that's all luck, some kind of combo platter, and whoever wins is the head of household. They'll nominate two people for eviction. There's another competition called the veto where we can maybe get off the block, maybe replace one of those people, depending on how the cards fall and evict someone out and start all over again until there's. there's only two people standing and then the jury votes for the final person to win. So it's a very complicated game. It's a very long game. It is a reality TV show. And even in the world of reality TV, I would say it's the biggest anomaly of shows because it's the only one that is filmed and aired live. not only can you watch us three nights a week, pretty much in real time, like these episodes are being turned over like immediately. but there's also a live feed portion of the show where people can watch 24 seven if they just pay $6 a month, which is I think too little to be like watching me sleep and listening to me fart. I think you should have to pay more personally. Seriously. know there are other websites that people pay top dollar for those things specifically to walk around barefoot farting. Oh, are you kidding? You can make millions. You should be getting a cut of those people that are paying to be able to watch. And I did not. I did not. And I did not. Last time you checked, did not. Yep. No. Okay. So that's really funny. Wait, first, of course, okay. How did you get on Big Brother? Like what, did you apply organically? Were you approached? I was approached. I'm what you call a recruit. Okay. But a great recruit. I'll just say that because there are some recruits that I'm like, ugh. Yeah, I feel like and honestly they they knew what they were doing with me like they definitely had a whole plan with me and I think I fumbled their plan a little bit once I got in the house because I was like I was not there to win my season Paul was there to win the whole season was made for Paul to win absolutely Comebacks, they don't do that all the time on big brother. They don't have a whole pre-produced season before the season starts It's normally a pretty like true to whatever some light production yeah involvement maybe but like I was not put on that show to win. I was put on that show to like be loud and obnoxious and fight and like cause drama. And then I got on the show and I was like, wait, I wonder if I could win. Like maybe I should like behave a little bit and I didn't. maybe I should take this seriously. Yeah. So then I was like, I should maybe take this seriously. Like maybe I can actually win. No. So yeah, I was a recruit. They found me on Instagram. I was previously working on the KidKradik morning show. Shout out kid, love you. And I got a DM and they were like, hey, you like open call for big brothers in Dallas? Do you want to come apply? And I was like, I think I left them on read or I was like politely no, thank you. ⁓ Mostly because my job at the time was to talk about reality TV on the radio and hear horror stories from like the bachelor contestants coming in and being like, ⁓ yeah, and actually. My face at that time was a reaction for someone else saying this three days prior and it just made it look like I was a huge bitch. my gosh. And so I was like, ⁓ my God, I know I'm the easiest person to villainize in the world. I have mental illness. So like I have no emotion, like even now to this day, almost 10 years later, and I'm, maybe worse behaved than I was at the time of putting me on TV, but I knew I had enough sense then that I was like, I will be villainized. Right. America will hate me. And so I was like, no, I can't do it. But simultaneously, as some of the producers at Kid Kratik weren't like thrilled with me. And so they were kind of trying to like get me out of there. And I was seeing that sort of happening to you. And so I finally was just like, you know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna DM her back and be like, sure, what do I need a cute hat and a spray tan? How do I, what do I do? What's my next step? And I'll just see because I'm sure hundreds of thousands of people are applying to this show and like Like what are the odds I'll even get on but like if I do then it was meant for me and So be it and I can try to get a different radio job when I get off this weird TV show so I just went with it and my Casting story is crazy like once I made it to finals like crazy things happened in LA like I it it I almost was getting to the point where I was like I'm either definitely meant to be on this show because how have How is this my casting story? Or I'm definitely not meant to be on this show because why did a stranger throw up on me last night and why don't I have a hotel room and why did my flight cancel and you know, like there's something trying to stop me and I didn't know what but I got on the show. was actually the first person that all the EP said yes to in the first round of casting. ⁓ my gosh. Anybody that was like a blonde, big-tittied, obnoxious girl from Texas casting in like round two of casting simply had probably no shot, but just in case, you know? And so yeah, my casting journey was kind of crazy because it just... I was just, hey, do you want to apply? Hey, we're just pushing you to second rounds. Hey, you're... And it just happened really seamlessly. And then I get on the show and other people tell their casting stories and they're like, I've been... It's over 16! And I'm like, ⁓ really? It was like so easy for me. I barely tried actually. I kind of didn't want to be here. I was just like, I'll fill out half the paperwork and if they take that, then okay. Like it's not my fault that I'm really charming and pretty and they just needed me for the show. It's not my fault. It's not hard to get on reality TV. It's literally not. wait, you guys are trying? the thing I've done. I didn't even mean to. I like truly I didn't mean to be on the radio. I got that job on accident. I got the TV show job on accident I'm not even seeking these things out. So no, but that's I was recruited. So that's my okay. That's my casting story I was it I was it I I was a casual fan of the show before I I had not seen every season I had seen the last couple of seasons Skip some I had seen some like 12 13 around there. So I've not seen everything I thought live feeds were like, don't know my dumb ass, and I actually feel a lot better because I've heard so many alums come off and say this, even people that were like big fans of the show, like just never watched live feed, but like watch the show. Yeah. Where did we get off thinking that live feeds were just kind of going to be like really crappy visual, like really grainy, like you would, no, babe, it's the same, it's actually the same, the same camera that they're using. for network television time on CBS. Yeah, it's actually the same equipment. It's going to be the same microphone and the same camera. So why you think they are like transitioning back to 1997 to capture this live? Maybe because I knew it was only $6 a month. And I was like, it can't be any good. If it's $6, if it's $5.99, it's trash. My mom taught me that. No, it's they can see and hear everything. People quit their jobs. They take leaves of absences to just transcribe the entire season. to literally watch us sleep, watch us eat, watch us fart. Everything. I was not expecting that element. I was like, a lot of people watch this show. I think a lot of people watch it on TV. Like, they're casual fans of the show. Like, people watch it. No, people rearrange their lives. ⁓ I'm going to embarrassingly say I am one of them, not to the extent of like having to quit my job, but I will say that your season actually is the first season that I really dived into live feeds. And so like, always knew that there were live feeds. mean, okay. So I started watching. though. I get it. It's, get my dictating. It's addictive. And you get the whole story. The producers are lying to us. ⁓ a hundred percent. Okay, so that's why people like me if you're my fan you watched live feeds if you guys not if you don't like me that much you watched the edited show no, but a hundred percent and I mean even same with like Jess and Cody like respect to them like I like it is really crazy. So like I I would consider myself like a super fan, but I will say like I started watching From what I remember because I was so young ⁓ Janelle season, season six. And then I might've fallen off around like nine or 10, but I mean, for the most part, like back when live feeds would only come on HBO and they called it after dark and it was only from like 12 to three or something, you know, like a small window, but like, never really kept up with live feeds like after that. then, um, season 19, I was working and like, I just worked like a desk job and thankfully like they were so chill. It was like a TV media production company. So it was like, If nothing's really going on, you know, like you have to be at the front, but like you can watch Netflix, you can watch YouTube, like whatever. So there was some amazing person that would, I don't know how, like they just recorded all of like a whole live feed section and then they'd upload it to YouTube. So I was just like, oh cool. the free live feed. Yes, yes. I found a little loophole, but because to your point, like I watched season 18 and I loved Paul. And I was like, ⁓ my gosh, like he got jipped. So I was so excited to see him on season 19. ⁓ but I didn't watch from the very beginning. I didn't watch live feeds, but like I watched, and then I started realizing, ⁓ yeah, like, let me just kind of go into live feeds. your season was the first season that I truly got a glimpse of how producers can really change the narrative and really kind of create whatever storyline they want. Like, sure. Yeah. They can only. Like, you know, if you say something, you say it, but they can, you know, cut it and twist it and just make things look however they want. So it's like, if you're just casually watching, you're like, ⁓ my gosh, like Paul really got jipped or like, is, why do they like, why does Cody hate him or something? You know, like you're seeing like these fights, it's like, where's the disconnect? But then if you're watching those live feeds and you're seeing all those things unravel and like his mastermind of You know, manipulation, like I truly was just like, holy crap. was like, this is a whole nother world. know what they even do on live feeds? That's a little crazy. And granted, I don't know that I've personally witnessed this, but I heard this from like so many fans, especially like, like my people that really liked Elena and were like following my game and stuff. me and allegedly because I was in the house, so I don't know, but allegedly anytime me and Mark would even start to talk. about Paul on live feeds and like, okay, how like what's going to be we need to go talk to Matt and try to get him to do this like anything against Paul like we're we want Paul out of the house. would apparently cut the feeds to another camera. ⁓ my god. I have heard I have heard a lot. Because I've never I haven't watched my season. Okay. Okay. I've tried I've seen a lot of clips. I've mostly seen live feed clips. Okay. ⁓ And I've seen like the first episode and last episode, I watched them right after the show. And then last summer, I tried to watch it and I made it through six episodes. And then I had to stop. I had heard that like a lot of mine and Mark's gameplay is you don't see on TV that we're against Paul. Like obviously we still play the middle a little bit because like what are you gonna do if I'm like I'm trying to get you out Well, then I go from public enemy number four to public enemy number two. Absolutely Okay, and see what I can do until like we get down to one and two and I really you know figure that out ⁓ But like apparently anything showing where? You know, we were gaming against Paul or whatever didn't make the show A ton, allegedly. don't know. And there's a lot to put on the show. A lot of stuff happens on that house with a lot of people. ⁓ But then fans were telling me that they would even, we would be like in the middle of a conversation, like gaming, talking, and that they would just cut feeds and like go to something where, like me and Mark are talking game. So normally they would keep it on somebody talking game rather than cutting to another camera of people doing, like being silly or just talking personal. And that they would cut our camera every single time. And I'm like, That's weird. Like y'all are even trying to kind of manipulate even the live a little bit. I don't know how much that happened. I don't know. I can't even testify that it did happen, but I just heard it enough times that I was like, I think I feel like that happened. mean, I could probably see how, cause like now for like where I am now, I don't really watch watch, but I'm very much a, ⁓ watch what, or sorry. ⁓ the podcast here in Armstrong, ⁓ It's me. Yes, and him doing the recap like I very much like listen to that like so like when I go on my walks like I'll listen to that or like follow along Twitter so I'm not like visually watching it really ⁓ but I will say that like if I would tune in It feels like as soon as a conversation got good about something they would flip the cameras and I'm like maybe it's because they want to save right piece for TV or who knows who knows what they're all thinking and you never know like who knows who really knows but there are some things that are just curious I could there's some interesting like probably my favorite story to tell that like just proves production was playing with Paul ⁓ is this one competition we had it was an HOH comp and they and I can't remember exactly when in the season it was but I it was They had just pissed me off. Like something had just, I think they had maybe just sent Ramsey's out on Jessica's HOH. ⁓ And I'm still mad at Jessica because I'm like, put two people up that we want out and one of them will definitely leave. ⁓ So they blindside us sending Ramsey's out. And I was like vocal. I was like, I'm winning this next fucking HOH. I'm like coming, like I was like being vocal to like Matt, Raven, Paul, and maybe that's it. ⁓ have no idea if that was on feeds. I have no idea if that made the show. I have no idea. But the next HOH was a memory comp and we had to memorize all these things. And I'm probably me and me and Paul are probably the only two that it was either going to be me that was going to win or Paul that was going to win if we're just being honest. Yeah. And there was probably 500 different thousand different variables of things we could remember or like things that they could ask us about what we remember. there's even more than that. There's probably like 10,000 different questions they could ask us about the things that they had us memorize. And Paul sent Kevin, who was like kind of a neutral, you know, like didn't, you know, that was definitely his secret weapon because I was under, I was like, Kevin's not doing anything. Kevin's just here. Kevin's just glad that he doesn't have to deal with his kids right now and really got roped into having. extra kids that he doesn't even love unconditionally. He played himself. So that's what I thought about Kevin the whole time. I was like, or he's trying to like not go to jail on some sort of like something monster charge. he's not here for a big brother. He's here for something different. Right. Yes. Yeah. But Paul was using him. So Paul sent him to me to go change one thing in my mind. And you know, it's so crazy. This is what's so crazy. And I should have trusted my gut. I should have trusted my intuition that I don't even remember anything about this challenge, but I remember the one thing I remember remembering this thing because it reminded me of Kelly Raspberry, who is from Kid Kratik. Myrtle Beach. That was the thing. There were like four places to remember and one of them was Myrtle Beach. And in my head, I always try to like make a correlation. So I was like Myrtle Beach, Kelly Raspberry. So I remember that. And then Paul sent Kevin to go tell me that it was not Myrtle Beach. It was, and I don't know what he told me, but something different. And it got in my head enough that I was like, okay, it's not Myrtle Beach, it's this other place. That was the first question that they asked us in the challenge. Yeah. ⁓ my the only one that went out. Even Mark, his dumbass, was like, no, Elena, I think you're right. I think he's wrong. I think you're right. So even he was listening to my original right answer and got it right. and I was out on that HOH and I was the first one out and it broke my soul. No, no. And that's how I knew in that moment, I'm like, you could have asked me a million different questions. You could have asked all of us a million different questions. But you went and found the one thing that Paul is trying to use to get me specifically to not win this competition because you know, because you've heard me tell Mark that if I'm HOH, I'm going to do this and this and try to backdoor this. So you know my plan and my plan B and my plan C. And you asked the one question I would get wrong that Paul planted, which like great gameplay. Great gameplay. But still, but let's say, let's say I had that idea and I was like, yo, Kevin, go tell Paul that it's actually whatever the fuck. Yeah. Would they have used that question to guarantee Paul get out of the game or even to just like highlight that gameplay? Like if they wanted, I don't even know if that gameplay made the show. I don't know if that made the episode where Paul was like, go tell, I don't know if that made the air. That would make sense if they were trying to produce it in a way like, but would they have done that? opposite? they would not Exactly. It would not have asked the question because it would have risked Paul winning the H2H and Paul won that H2H. So. That's so crazy. Interesting. know it is. It's yeah, it's just like little things It's like you can't for sure prove it but you're just like, huh? It's just ironic that all these and you can kind Helen exactly Exactly exactly. So, okay. I know you said you like started to watch your season, but you didn't finish it Why was is it just so hard to watch like does it? mess with your mental? what is the, because I feel like there's so many big brother players. And I mean, honestly, just like almost anybody in like a reality TV space, they say they can't stomach watching it like their season back. But I'm just curious. Like, like, I know you say it's like, okay, well, I've lived it. I don't need to see it. But it's like, there's so much I lived that I didn't know about. Yes. Yes. There's so much I don't know what happened. Like I need to know how it's being perceived to everybody else. It's so funny too because obviously I played my season with Paul who was a vet just played. So we as new first time players were like, you know, asking him all these questions, talking to him about this, what's it like for this? What's it like coming off the show? Like blah, blah. And then we're like, well, what's it like watching back? And he's like, oh, I didn't watch back. then knowing Paul, okay. And then, and I just, I'm like, no, you fucking liar. was like, of course you did. Yes, you did. Like, just stop trying to play all coy. Like, ⁓ yeah, I'm so uninterested. didn't even... Loser. Yes, you did. Just, I just, just answer my questions. Just be on it. Right. No, no, no. Because I was just being honest with myself at that moment. And in that moment, I would have been like so eager to get out and be like, how am I being perceived? Like, what is it? Like, what do I... Right. I would, in that moment, I felt like I wanted to see everything. Mm-hmm, and then I come out and the curiosity is still there. It's like watching the first episode is fun It get even now it kind of gives me like little butterflies. It's kind of giddy It's like the start of something right like it's just fun and playful. We're just getting to know me We're just getting to know you right and everybody. Yeah, like everybody likes each other right now every you know, like it's just so palatable, yeah, and then shit gets so real and And it gets real pretty quick on my season. And it is interesting because like watching back, I did see things that I was like, ⁓ my God, I had no idea. Like one of the biggest things the first two to three episodes on our season is, well, we have a self evict, Megan, self evicts for my season. But there's this whole thing happening at the very, and I'm living it. So I'm watching it happen, right? But I had no idea what actually was happening. until I watched the show. and it was, it was, that was just funny to watch back. And so I bet there's so many other moments like that, that I'm like robbing myself of because it was kind of, that was enjoyable for me. was like, Megan misunderstood. Jessica called Alex pow pow. And then Megan thought that she called her Panda and then went and like, well, and all of this stuff happened and all I heard. All I heard was, Megan said you're a racist. So I missed all this content, and not to me, about Jessica, who obviously isn't, and who was saying something that is like a Big Brother reference, like Loki, Alex was kind of acting like Pow Pow. So like, it was, but that was interesting to watch because I was like. I did live that and I watched all the drama happen and I remember being confused about it and never really getting like an answer and it was just so blatantly right in front because I could see I watched every element. I watched the original conversation where nothing bad happened. I watched the accusation. I watched the confusion. And all so like seeing it so clear cut was very interesting because all I saw was chaos, you know? Yeah. Or lived. So I'm sure there's so many moments like that. yeah, I just, think as like, as I progressed watching the season, just got, it just got harder and realer and more involved with me and stuff that I'm like, you know, looking back hindsight, 2020, like I wish I would have trusted that gut instinct more. I wish I would have this. I wish I would have that. And so like it kind of, I feel like it's just like very much like living in your regret in a way. Right. Yeah. I kind of have to re-limit. But I love live feed clips. Like, those I love, I can, I'll go back and, I have a whole album in my phone of just Big Brother memories. And I'll, sometimes I'll scroll those. And those I have so much fun with, I can watch live feed, no problem. Watching a produced Big Brother episode now, it's irked me out. And again, that doesn't make sense to me, because you would think, like, the live, watching live feeds is actually watching, you know, where I actually lived and, I don't know, but, and I didn't really have to deal with like all the production elements, like when I'm going through my own trauma, right? Like you can't hear the post-production elements, that sound and this thing and all those like iconic like little big brother like things that you hear. That is what gets me. I will, I have physical reactions to it. Like hearing big brother's voice, hearing the little set. segue like musical intros like Julie Chen. ⁓ I get full body chills. ⁓ my god. just like clips of me in the house or other people's clips of just like, like I watched live feed season 20. It was actually I was, I had it on all day because I was triggered and like traumatized. It was like a weird way for, but I could not really watch the show. So I wouldn't watch the CBS episode. I would just watch live feeds all day. And then I'd wake up and I'd put them on my TV live feeds. And that like got, I don't know why there was some sort of, it's like Stockholm syndrome. you hate it, but you need it. don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I know like that is really interesting. And I know you definitely are somebody that is very open about your mental health and everything. And I know just like watching that back and like living that experience being like traumatic, but then just like living your normal life. You know, you go from the show to then live your normal life and you're just like, like I said, living your life, posting how you want to post. And then you have to deal with the people and their thoughts and their criticism and stuff. Like, is it a different type of trauma of just kind of like, okay, the show itself, cause you know, you're literally entering the show knowing it's lies and manipulation and all that stuff. But then you come out. You're like, okay, like that was fun. That was a game. Now you're just trying to live your life. Like what? It's all interesting. What's funny is I knew the show would be hard. Like you know that people are going to be lying, backstabbing, betrayals. Like, you know, you're going to have to do it. I was even afraid for that. like, I'm probably going to get close to someone and I'm going have to hurt them. Like I didn't even look forward to that. I probably actually feared that more than actually being hurt myself by someone in the house because I was like, I can handle it. But what if someone else can't and then I hurt them? So stuff like that is part of the game. I knew it was going to be hard. So I very much prepared myself mentally for it. And almost too much to the point where I don't think I showed enough realness of emotion in the house. Because in my mind, if I showed emotion, about anything, even if was a side conversation, this, that, or the other, that gave someone, my opponent, power. They would know that's something that upsets her. That's something that she feels really strongly about. So anytime big important conversations were happening, game conversations, I tried to remain with intention, very neutral. I didn't want to seem overly bothered by something or overly upset by something or overly triggered by something because I didn't want to give anyone power. But I think that took a bit of my humanity away from me in like the eyes of players, in the eyes of people watching. Right. And kind of win against just everything I stand for, which is just general authenticity. But that's the game of Big Brother. Exactly. It's a really interesting thing. But all that to say is I very much prepared my mind for how hard the game was going to be in the house. And I did not prepare myself at all for how things would change or be challenging after the house. I once again was stupid enough to think that I was gonna play Big Brother and then I would probably get a little of the tension after the show. Like a couple of months people, you know, from home I'd be like, ⁓ that's so cool, blah blah. Maybe I'll get like 10, 15,000 followers on Instagram. And then I would return to essentially my normal life. Like a year later everything would be back to normal essentially. That's not what happened. And just the stuff that you go through in the house that lingers. I thought I would be able to very much consolidate it. that's people lying backstabbing Big Brother and then no, now I'm just like, no, everybody's lying and backstabbing. I trust no one. I am better about that stuff now, to be honest, but for a long time. It's, I don't know, it's almost hard to explain. I had a weird relationship with mirrors. That one's hard to explain because the whole house is mirrors. So we would use them to like, like if I'm having a private conversation in the bathroom and I'm, I would be looking in this mirror that shows that mirror that glares to the hallway, that glares further to the hallway, that glares to the kitchen. So I would just be constantly checking mirrors. to make sure that no one was coming. Almost to the point where, and you have to remember too, like people that are listening are just, like it is a hundred days, 24 seven. That's three months. Like think about how long a day and then you don't do anything. You don't have a job. You have responsibilities. Like you eat and shit and like, and honestly, actually I didn't even shit that much because I was just going through so much that my body was off. So it's like, Yeah, it the amount, I don't know, the amount of time that I was using mirrors in that house and just checking and looking and like that followed me for years. For years, I would be like looking and and you don't even see it's not like there are always mirrors around but anytime there would be like it's like I would catch myself like using them to like watch out and I would sneak up on conversations for like years. Like they're against you. Yeah. Yes. I'll like sneak into a room, listen for a little bit before I came in and I'm like, huh, so y'all are talking about shoes. ⁓ That is so crazy. mean, and like that makes so and that's just crazy too, because that is and like you said, it's like you gave yourself the mindset of like, okay, this is going to be a game. So it's like, okay, but I can't even imagine, you know, kind of shifting gears just a little bit just like regular reality TV where it's not a game focus, you know, it's Okay, I'm on reality TV exposing my life. I mean, I just I truly can't even process that. like, obviously, we know I've kind of grown up with an audience. And that's, that's something that's interesting and like hard to even, I don't know, it's just, it's weird. Like, everything that I've, like, I struggle with my mental health and like, you have to if you want to be on reality TV. as a, listen, if you can't be too mentally ill, but you cannot be mentally sane. don't want you. You're either green, yellow or red. And I was yellow. Just mentally ill enough. And then doing that made me red. Now, now I would not pass the psych test to get on a show. I've done a show. But yeah, like I've, it's weird just to like, have that experience struggle, do it publicly, go through all of that publicly. And then, and then struggle with it publicly. Like I was on, you know, I was, I was on in a showmance in the show as well. So that gave me just a lot of extra attention after the show where people are like, much more invested in wanting to see how this all plays out. ⁓ The last 10 years of my life have truly just been like, like what? Like who does that? Who does what I've done? But I did it and then I did it then I did it again and then I still, I even have free will now. Like I just have an Instagram. So like I could isolate myself. I could, I'm not filmed 24 seven. Like I could keep my bad moments to myself. But I don't. like, me? I'm feeling everything right now. You know what I should do? Set my camera up, hands free, record. I'm gonna that's literally what I love about you. And that's literally, like, that's what I love. And that's what's crazy too. It's like, I love how open and vulnerable you are. And I feel like people too, it's just interesting because, you know, that's what people crave. It's like, people that are in the spotlight, like they have a following on TV, whatever, they want people that are relatable and vulnerable. But then sometimes, you know, I feel like then there's all of a sudden a point where everybody's like, ⁓ my gosh, they're being too real or too vulnerable, or there's something that's too controversial that's going on. And then everybody then wants to go into an attack mode or like, no, they don't deserve anything. I mean, kind of going just to... the whole secret lives of Mormon wives and Taylor, Frankie, Paul and all of that. It's like, we were drawn to her and like the group of girls because what they were messy, they were chaotic. They were kind of just living their lives and being very open to sharing that with all of us. And unfortunately, obviously like there's huge things going on in the headlines right now. ⁓ But now everybody, I mean, I guess I've honestly seen kind of a mixed bag. of some people kind of being supportive and then some people being like, oh, why are we giving these people a platform? But I mean, it's just kind of, it's just interesting because people are craving chaos and messy. then once all that stuff happens, then it's like, well, messy to a point messy, to a point, palatable, you know, it's even same just with mental health in general. People are always have all the space in the world for it until it's inconvenient, until it's someone who has like a hygiene issue, until it's someone who's struggling with their mental health so much that they don't brush their teeth or shower for six weeks. And then they're gross. until someone like, there's always empathy and grace and space until a point. And that's, I personally have ⁓ all the empathy and space and grace for Taylor Frankie Paul, ⁓ do I condone domestic violence? No, but I can still, I don't know about y'all. I contain multitudes. I live in a place where duality is a thing, where I can not condone something and then also have like empathy and kindness and faith for someone. Two things can be true at the same time. And I think that there's, probably so much to be said about reactive abuse and like what was happening before cameras were rolling. What happened that Dakota has done that hasn't been filmed. There's just a million things. And as someone who's made mistakes publicly, I've made mistakes. I'm going to again. And honestly, I love that about myself. I love that I'm brave enough to live publicly and to make mistakes publicly and to crash out publicly because then I apologize publicly and I take accountability or I grow publicly and it all happens publicly and I'm, I hope that because I don't even make a full living on Instagram anymore. am truly showing up for like my fellow crash outs and my fellow mental health girlies and people that need evidence that like. Duality is a thing that you can contain multitudes. I can have like the biggest, kindest, warmest heart in the world and still fight a bitch if I'm pushed to a certain level. Like, I'm both. I'm both people. I am the kindest, like most loving, warmest. I will do anything for you, ass bitch in the world, and then I will also curb stomp you. If, if properly motivated. If you push me there, I'll... I do it. I'm not above it. I don't think I'm better than curb stomping. I don't. So I just think it's like people need to remember that like duality. We all contain multitudes. what's different from other people is like they've made bad mistakes with men. They've gotten really drunk and fucked up. They've like had stupid sexual relations and they've people, the general population have done all of these things. They just haven't done it with an audience of millions, with a full camera crew, with an audio boom, with a producer, with sit down confessionals. They haven't had to do anything hard publicly. like anybody else that's judging her entirely or can't find any space or grace or empathy or relatability to any one of those girls, I envy that person because you are living soft. ⁓ What a great life you are living a really good life if you if you're full of judgment for someone and you can't find any grace then that must mean You haven't even been tempted you haven't been put in a situation where? The only thing that you could do was maybe the bad thing right? I've walked beautiful life you've lived because I've made choices out of it was pretty much the only choice I may could make I made just bad choices in general like I really have range, but I've also done amazing things and yeah, you know exactly and that I've done both yeah, and I love that but and yeah and like kind of to my point of just like We want people like that's what I just don't I have trouble understanding of you know And like you said yeah, it is to a point like we don't want just somebody just being like a serial killer running around We're like, my gosh, that's so relatable. But like we want people that are having a platform in doing amazing things, like getting amazing opportunities, but also being like, am like, have these struggles, I go through this, like I'm clearly not perfect. But it's just, it is kind of crazy because then you have these people that have no issue criticizing, have no issue just giving them hate and being very vocal about it. mean, I'm just curious. it's always the Christians. With like a, yeah. I don't even like to identify, I am a Jesus girl. I just identify as a Jesus girl. Yeah, a woo-woo Jesus girl like I believe in I believe in Jesus. I believe he is my Christ and Savior I believe he's God's son. I believe he died on cross all those things I also believe in chakras a lot of Christians that would send them They would be upset. I talked to my tree outside. I talked to it all the time like please take my negative energy Please go get revenge on my haters like I do some woo-woo stuff and I and I believe in Jesus and I love Jesus I don't even like identifying as a Christian because there's been such a bad Like we didn't have Yeah, it's like we get a bad reputation in it it's like, it's the least Christ like thing to do, to judge. And that's what all the Christians are doing. My least favorite are like the the faith based creators that are creating content about like the Taylor Frankie Paul situation in a like condemning self-righteous kind of way like boosting their belief and like trying to sell a course or a whatever at the at the ⁓ Example of someone's just hardest thing they've ever gone through in their life and in a self-righteous way like you're the last person I want like advice from personally My god my Jesus he was flipping tables at church. Okay, he he was hanging out with prostitutes and sinners in fact all of his disciples half of them were in jail like right They were not perfect people. So to me, think if anything, like more power to people that are willing to live publicly, make mistakes publicly, and be shown God's grace publicly and grow publicly because it not to like romanticize bad behavior or even normalize bad things. But ultimately, we are all humans with very with the human condition and And I'll just say that representation matters. I need a mentally ill queen. I do. I need one. Maybe other people don't. Maybe another girl needs a perfectly aesthetic queen to look up to or to relate to. I don't relate to that girl. But we all need and look for people in the world that we can relate to and find comfort in. and be inspired by and grow from. And I hope that I'm that for a small handful of people that they can see me like living boldly and like making oopsies and then being like, okay, well my oopsie doesn't define me. And so like I can carry on and that be a motivation for them to apply that to their life. And like, I also need inspiration. And I'm not saying I'm actively looking for inspiration from Taylor, Frankie Paul right now, but like I have looked up to her for years. I follow her, I still follow her. I think she has great things to say about some things. Just like I do. And then I'm probably not the go-to end-all be-all for like another thing. But I just, like she's a human and she's gone through way more than we could even possibly know. I know that because I, as a public figure who's been scrutinized and judged and all the things, not even to that level, A million people think they have me all figured out or like think they know I even as someone who's incredibly open and tries to share as much as I can like I don't have the bandwidth to tell everything or for some situations I don't have the words to even I haven't gotten there yet. Yeah. So there's just so much we don't know and like I have space for the unknown. I just have space for it all. can hold all that space. This is not okay. I love you through this. cetera, et cetera. I don't know. I personally think she has borderline personality disorder. I'll say that. Okay. Yeah. I'll say that I think as someone who has borderline personality disorder, I think that Taylor Frankie Paul has borderline personality disorder. Again, it doesn't condone any of this. bad behavior, but it certainly... Because I've had a lot of bad behavior too, okay? Like, I crash out. Physically, I throw things. I've made holes in my wall in this house because I was punching and kicking walls because I was so mad and upset. Because when you have borderline personality disorder, it is a neurological condition. And if you are in an episode, your prefrontal cortex goes completely offline. you have no access to it. And that is where all of the logic happens in your brain. And unfortunately, your amygdala goes like 10 times up and that's where like emotion happens in your brain. So even if like someone could be like, ⁓ yeah, that would hurt my feelings too. Like for me, my feelings, if I'm in an episode, it's all I can feel. It's like you might relate, but you could never understand the depth or the extreme at which I'm capable of feeling it because my brain just stopped working. And speaking on that, oh sorry, keep going. No, keep going. saying, and that can only happen, there's a lot of comorbidity, you can have this and that, but like mostly borderline personality is something you develop because of trauma. Yeah. And like you have to be exposed to trauma to develop it, and then you can undevelop it. You can't take medicine. It's like a long therapy process. And I shouldn't be diagnosing someone, but I just am like, a lot of people online are like, she's... She's using drugs. can tell on her. She ain't using drugs, baby. No, part of her brain just turned off and I can see it because it's happened to me a lot. And I want to say though, I so I am super glad honestly that you have posted so much about borderline personality disorder because I'll be so honest. I did not know that much about it. Like, and I get some confused sometimes because, you know, I feel like do they use the same acronym for bipolar and borderline? Is it both do they use? BPD? Technically, it is confusing. think BPD is technically borderline personality disorder. I think if you do, if you use bipolar, it's supposed to be like BPD one or BPD two, because you could have bipolar one or bipolar two. But traditionally, it's I think people are supposed to call bipolar bipolar and then BPD gets that one. I don't know how that works. I haven't read the whole DSM five. What? Why not? ⁓ I literally I did not know I mean I've heard of that but I didn't really know what it was until you started posting so much more about it and so one thank you for that because again like I just didn't really thank you for reading or listening to share because I can share a lot of stuff and people have the free will right there like educate with me or not so I like yeah it means a lot that people would actually like learn about it and I definitely I definitely did I was like ⁓ wow and then like I started then looking up, it led me to look up like TikToks about it. And I'm like, oh my gosh, interesting and all that. But, um, just, um, came out and said that she was deciding yes with BPD and TikTok too. so I'm like, yay, not really, but yay. But it's nice to like see it being talked about more, especially because I really feel like it hasn't. I've probably had BPD for like 10 to 15 years now at least. at least eight to nine years and I had no idea and even doctors couldn't diagnose me properly. Even psychiatrists, it's just like know about. they don't want to because they can't just prescribe me medicine. I think that's part of it. But yeah, like if I had been diagnosed years ago, or even if I could have learned about it, that would have... Yeah, it could have helped me You at least kind of have an idea of like, this is probably what I'm going through right now. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it is very interesting. And so obviously with you like knowing that you have that, I'm sure, I mean, just like, I mean, I think you've talked about this too, like having ADHD, because I have ADHD. So it's like, can pick up, you know, when somebody else I'm like, Ooh, they definitely have that. So I'm it's so much easier for you to be like, Oh no, like I know some of those like signs and stuff like that. It's weird like watching the season and my mom like we just watched season four, know a couple weeks ago and my mom watched it with me and she like she'll just like look over and she's like And i'm like, know Like every time taylor's like crashing out. She was like right She just points at it and looks at me i'm like, I know you're like okay, so I have to get your thoughts because I There i've seen kind of like a mixed bag on her mom And I don't think And I'm just curious on your perspective of it. don't think her mom, you know, I feel like she's giving her tough love, right? No. Or is it, or I guess, okay, so now I have the thought. Okay. Okay. Well, so no, I was now that you've said in the scope of, okay, switching gears on like, okay, let's say she does have that. Then I feel like, sure. Yeah. Like it probably does need to be approached differently because like you said, if you're feeling things so much more. The quote-unquote tough love would not translate. No, it will do the exact opposite. Okay. If someone in a split and my mom is completely neurotypical, like I get all of my like mental health struggles from my dad's side of the family. It's been a long journey of even getting my mom and I kind of to where she under like she's always been empathetic and loving and like, but she just didn't understand and then wouldn't really know how to approach and this and that. like the most important and it like broke my heart seeing her talking to her mom and her being like, but you're the mom, you're supposed to be a safe space. Like that crushed me because that's all, that's the only thing you can really be for someone in a split is like, listen to them. Like you, you have to validate them. So anything that invalidates someone and that's going through a BPD episode or like struggling with borderline personality. you're just turning them up. the second my mom's like, no, I'm like, you want to fight? Like I'll my hands on you. Do you want to go outside and fight? Because I'll fight you physically. it's like that quick. the second my mom's just like, yeah. And I honestly think a little bit of potentially just like if her mom has never really been a safe space to her where she could go for stuff like that, ⁓ that probably could have caused. Like that can cause borderline personality disorder. Mixed with other like complex ⁓ traumas that in my mind like that could cause, that could be a developmental catalyst. ⁓ But yeah, it's the definitely the opposite approach of like you need to be like loving and understanding and like create a space where like their feelings matter. And so she's like, she kind of, she look at the oil and vinegar or something here. They're not... There's no drive. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm really glad you brought that perspective of it because I mean, I wasn't even thinking of bipolar or not bipolar, sorry, borderline personality disorder. So in my mind, I was just like, yeah, I'm sure she does need tough love. It's probably really hard watching, you know, your daughter just make these decisions. her mom loves her. You know it's out of love. You're seeing the emotion. Yeah. But it's just, it won't translate to someone in, or at least it wouldn't to me, and I feel like I've watched it not happen, not really translating for her. like, tough love does need to happen in life, but like, I don't know, when I'm hurting, I need my mom. I just need to know that I'm safe and that my mom's gonna be there and it's all gonna be okay is probably the only headway we'll make with. Inside of a big episode. Yeah, I have like my my heart hurts for like all for all of all of them I mean, it's And there's just so many complexities even the girls that are like going through this situation Kind of parallel. I how much they're getting hate and opinions from all you should be more supportive You should be making a stance saying that you don't blah blah, but then they're also their livelihoods are on the line like there's so much it's I've been pressured to feel like I need to say something or not say something. I should support. It's just like, you can't please everyone. No. Ever. And it's, it's sometimes hard to remember that when you just feel like the world is demanding something out of you that maybe you, don't even know how to feel. Like, yeah, yeah. I know. do too. Yeah. My heart really is with them and it is really interesting because I know I've seen half people, half of the girls, you know, come out and make a statement. The other half not. And then you just have, it's like, you're damned if you do damned if you don't, I don't know. And I haven't said anything about it, even though I've seen other people because it's been like, you know, I'm even nervous to say something. feel like in a situation like this, I feel better about it because I have, you know, I have a few, like I can actually say what I mean, but if you're just like, make a story, take one story slide up and you're like, I I support this or I don't support that like you're removing all the nuance and all the like things that come into play and it's just I'm not trying to please everyone, but I'm also not trying to like offend people right if I if I speak in support of her but like she's a human that deserves love to absolutely like and if she doesn't get that then that's gonna be worse for her kids. It's just there's so many layers and levels to this. Yeah just for you, being in the public eye and being like an influencer on social media, whatever, like it's got to be so frustrating to feel like you have to make a, it's like you either make a statement and like you said, it'll get dissected and be like, well you didn't specify this part or whatever. Or if you don't make a statement, then it's like, why didn't you make a statement? And it's like crazy. Even if you're in that situation, like to feel that pressure to have to do it. And even if you're not. You have to it's like I see it all the time no matter what's going on and like anything that's like a scandal or something controversy happening like A random influencer. It's like why don't you say something? It's like what are you talking about? I like why do I? It's so hard now too because like if I were to say something about everything in our current world Like that's all I would be doing is speaking on something I don't I don't have the mental capacity like I know a lot more outspoken about Like social issues and the wall. I learned that that's actually really really detrimental to my mental health because Because of the fact that even if I have the best intentions or I could promote a charity I've been shit on for promoting a charity because it was in Canada and because I Probably didn't even donate myself even though I did before I shared about it Yeah, it's just like no matter what you do. You'll get dissected and it's it's just so hard, but I saw this like And this is what's so sad is that I don't even know what it was in reference to, but someone was complaining like, Oh, all the influencers that are just out here still posting collabs and links and blah, blah in the middle of whatever's whatever the thing is that's going on. Right. And I just responded. It was on threads and I was like, okay, you quit your job too. Then no, literally. Why? I literally, look, unfortunately, like the only way I make money right now is by doing collabs. don't understand and people buying it. Yes. I would love. to take every day off and have a moment of silence for like the unprecedented times. But only if you're gonna quit your job too and you're gonna quit your job too. We're all quitting our job because why do you get to pay your bills and I don't get to pay my bills? ⁓ okay. Every time you work at the call center and you get a call at work and you're like, I would love to answer this customer service wise, but can we actually talk about what's going on? Kind of in the world right now because I want you to know my stance on it before I solve your problems at my paid job I What I know I get it like I have a platform and I should use it For good. Come on. Like at the end of the day also I am now actively trying to avoid Being depressed right so like if I could post something that would like Inspire you to go stand outside and touch a tree and like do something good for you rather than like reminding you about World War III, I'm gonna do the tree thing. Because that will positively impact your individual personal life better. You will have a better day because you went outside and touched a tree because Elena told you to. If I just sit and drone on about World War III, I'm not improving your date, nor am I stopping World War III. Nothing actually has gotten done and I'm in a reverse mortgage and it's just all bad. No, yes, I just don't understand why more people don't think like that. I'm just like, why can't you think like me? Because also to like I follow influencers and social media people not for their takes per se. Maybe if they're involved in the situation. Sure. Maybe I want your take on it. like, why are so many people coming to a wash up reality TV star looking for guidance on on like political world issues? Yeah. What do think I need to? tell you about that. That's crazy. like what that says more about you and the influencer not posting about like it blows my mind. I confident to speak on something and I felt like I could really chain impact something. I would. But I don't. Yeah, I don't. So I'm going to show you these cute shorts that are on sale. Exactly. Exactly. But why are you doing that? why are you doing that when there's all these problems going on 20 million countries away? I don't know. just... Yeah, crazy. It's just my favorite when people are like, you just don't use your platform right. And I'm like, and I think what you're doing at your job is weird too. I think what you're doing at your job is weird too. I don't know what you're doing, but I think it's weird. No, I totally agree. Unprecedented times. It's crazy. I finally like have released that. I used to like let that fester and I would feel bad and I would feel shame. And I'm like, I'm not doing my part. And I'm like, no. No, no, I'm actually by not doing this I'm surviving one more day of me, which I don't know if I could have if I didn't and then I'm actually Trying to do things that I feel like will better people and like I want I know about mental health I've struggled with mental health. I've never been to war so I'm gonna post about the thing I personally can speak on and that you know, and if something else in my life changes like I've that my whole platform hasn't always been mental health like it It will, my platform will evolve with me and like, I'm not saying that I shouldn't, that I won't ever or have never, cause I've to certainly have used my platform for the greater good of some cause or issue or whatever, but it's just, if I did that every day to try to please everyone, I would get nothing else done. And I still wouldn't make those people happy. that's the craziest part. They would still be mad at me. that's so crazy too. Like one thing that I absolutely, love about you is that you have no shame, no problem putting your trolls, haters on blast. I think it's absolutely hilarious because they should be embarrassed. so fun. It's so fun. And so just intriguing to me because I'm like, the fact that they were like, this is good and I'm going to hit send, you know what I mean? Like they like I just, and then I hope they feel so stupid and embarrassed when you share that with everybody. Cause like, I just don't understand, like I don't know why people feel so comfortable to do that. that's gotta be like- I'll make them uncomfortable really fast. And I love it. I love it. I seriously like I'm sure you're probably at such a better space than you like maybe in the past, but like did it used to be where you would regret being so open and vulnerable? Cause you're like, okay, I might've gotten like a thousand DMs of everybody being like, ⁓ my gosh, thank you for sharing this. And then you could maybe gotten like two people just being like, F you. Would that overpower all the positive or like how did that? Yeah, it definitely used to ⁓ affect me more. I could read all these loving DMs or comments or whatever. I see, and then I see the one that's like mean or like an attack on my character, you know, saying I'm not funny or ugly or something. And then I'm just like, I have everything to say to them. And I'm like, that's so interesting that I'm not my first instinct isn't to say thank you to all the people that are being kind. It's like to attack this other person. And that still is an instinct, especially if it's about your character. If someone's like, you're a bad person, and I'm like, a second. But I feel like I need to defend that a little bit. If you call me ugly or stupid, whatever, I don't care. But I at least don't take it as personally now. And I pretty much, I used to make it a whole big thing. you can tell I was bothered by it as much as I would even be like, I don't even care. Yeah, I obviously care. Now I almost won't even. Repost them or engage unless there's a way I can like make light of it like make a joke about them in it But yeah, I'd yeah I used to get to me for sure even when I would pretend it didn't it was frustrating to me and even now still things will light me up or if I'm like let's say I'm already kind of struggling and in a BPD split or episode and I see one comment it's like ⁓ you're done for like If I had seen that three days ago, you would have been fine. But because I saw it today, Like now you're getting it. Now it's on you, No, I mean, I can only imagine like how that would affect. I mean, just for example, like I think the other day I was looking at one of the podcast episodes that I uploaded and there was one person thumbs it down and I was like, who, who, who are you? did it? And why? Tell me why. But yeah, so I mean, I can only. I need an essay. I need it to be like 300 words as to why you need to thumbs down this. you could have just not liked it. Why'd you have to go with thumbs down? So I can just only imagine but I mean, all right. So like I'm just gonna, we're gonna close it up. I have one last question and then we're gonna get into like a new game that I'm like incorporating. But like, so to wrap it all up for somebody. Who's going to be going on reality TV, whether it's like big brother or just like they're going to start being on just like a reality TV. Like what advice would you give them for kind of like what you expect going out of it and trying to live their life thinking like, ⁓ I got it. Kind of like what you said. It's like, you thought you were so mentally prepared. You knew what was going to happen afterwards. Like what would, yeah. hate to even say this, but expect the unexpected. Because as much as you can prepare for anything going on to a show and filming it or knowing what it's gonna be like after the show, like you can't, you'll never be prepared for that because every experience is gonna be so unique and then the times, the culture, what's happening in the world, like everything will impact it. And I think the biggest thing is just be authentic. I think you'll have the best shot getting cast on a show. I think you'll have the best performance on a show and I think you'll have the happiest like transition back to life if you just lean into authenticity in every moment. And when you're filming or coming off, like don't worry so much about perception. Like people always worry like, how am going to be perceived? How am going to be perceived? I think you should worry about ⁓ collecting the right people. You know, because if you're doing something to appease the masses and then now that's your community, those are the standards you have to live up to every day. Like, if I put on any sort of front at all 10 years ago, going into radio or TV or whatever, how could I maintain my following 10 years later? Like, I would just disappoint people left and right, make them mad, cause more problems. But like, I'm most worried every day about being my most authentic self because that will eliminate the people that are not right for me that are not supposed to be in my life and that it will attract the right people in. So instead of being like, should I not do this or should I not? What would people think? Like, who cares what they think? It's either going to be their deciding factor of like, I like this person, I don't like this person. And you should only want to be around the people that truly like you who you are, not some play pretend image mask you put on. ⁓ so it's kind of like a lame cheesy cliche answer, but like just authenticity across the board, think wins every single time and you're happier that way. And you don't even have to try to keep people happy that way because they're already gone. They can't stand it. No, I mean, and I don't think that's cliche. That is my favorite thing about me is people cannot stand me. I love that because one, I make so much space at like concerts. Like no one wants to be near the rodeo I have the best seat in the house because people will kind of get close and they're like I can't stand that girl. They go stand somewhere else. Yeah, and also it's just so validating to me that I'm like being authentic because if everybody liked me that would be weird and that would be a lot of pressure and I don't want those people like I just want the people that actually like me around so I just be be obnoxious. No, I really love that and I don't think that was a cheesy answer at all because it's like Okay, yeah, you say authentic, whatever, but like how you expand it on just the reason behind being authentic, like, yeah, be yourself. Okay, that's great. But the reasoning of like, you don't want to attract people that aren't for you. And cause then like you said, you'd have to then try to appease everybody. And that's just literally never going to happen. You're the middle on big brother your whole life. You're playing the middle on big brother your whole life. And that's never been my favorite player. Yeah. Just be authentically yourself. Be weird over here. It's okay. You can because there will be the you'll have even if it's one Alliance member They'll be one right and there's been up there's a whole section of America cheering you on you don't even know about it They love you because you're being authentically yourself and the other thing about authenticity There are a lot of people that don't like me, but I think they respect me. Oh for sure They have to because they're I can't stand her but she's always just doing better the fuck she wants and so it's like oh, yeah, go Elena No, I mean ⁓ yeah, they have no choice but to respect you. mean, you are. Yeah. And you're the mayor of Fort Worth. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. ⁓ Okay. All right. Are we ready for this game? Yeah. Okay. So this is, this is new. So hopefully this works out. It's called Sheik or Weak. So basically I'm just going to kind of like rapid fires and things. And then you're going to say, you think it's Sheik, you can expand on it too, if you wish. But like chic if you're like, ⁓ yeah in I mean obviously the name says for itself or weak is just like ⁓ it's like ⁓ not that worth it. Yeah. All right Okay, all right first one reality TV show me and says Weak Okay, I think they're weak Yeah, exactly, okay Rodeo outfit thirst traps. ⁓ so chic. Yeah, absolutely. And you're the queen of it. Post Post those. Use your pretty privilege as much as you can as often as you can. Get attention in whatever way necessary. Sometimes that's why I post thirst traps and crash out online. Because nothing drives the crowd more like boobies and a big dramatic display of anything. absolutely. I mean, anytime I see your little bubble circle up on my story, I'm like, Alaina, what's she up to? She's doing something. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. If it refreshes and somehow you like skip down a little like, nope, let me go find that. Let me go back. Let me go back. All right. Well, we kind of talked about this a little bit, but I'll still say it. So posting a notes app apology on social media after getting canceled or maybe being like in a scandal. ⁓ I think it's weak because no one should be posting anything notes app. Do better. I want it elevated. Put it on Canva. I want a video apology. A no tap screenshot. Always weak. Hate them. Okay. Perfect. Being a villain on reality TV and leaning into it. Chic. Yeah. Okay. And then Chili's crispy chicken tenders. Weak as fuck. That's the weakest shit I've ever seen or heard. completely agree. Because I know you're a huge Chili's fan. Well, I know you've had some beef with Chili's. You don't have get into it. I'm a hater. But I used to be a lover. Now I'm a hater. Yeah. Well, now I am too because I was an original Chicken Crispers girlie myself. And I know you are. And I just, it's really depressing, honestly. I can't believe it. I don't know. our last OG Chicken Crispers one day and we didn't even know it. didn't know it. That's what gets me and then chilies hurt my feelings. So it's just really adds salt to the wound. You know, they took out the original chicken crispers and they and fire out. Yeah, exactly. Like that was a bad day of life for me and the terrible work week for Breaker International. If I'm if I have a say in it at all, whoever was in that decision room, hopefully they're gone. Like, know what I will say and. Just a final little note about how iconic I am. Something that I'll literally never get over in my whole life is that Brinker International, Chili's, Bar and Grill Corporation had sit down meetings about me. They got the C-suite together in a boardroom and they're like, what are we going to do about Elena? And that, that I love. That is amazing. They had more than one meeting about me. I even heard through the grapevine, I got brought up like a year later. They're like, well, don't forget about a language. We need to be careful. And I'm like, yeah, be careful. my gosh. That is like nothing. I love more than when people have to send out a calendar invite to talk about me. Oh, nothing. I love more. That is amazing. Do we, whether it's a good or a bad meeting, it doesn't matter. It's like, I across your desk as a with an invite. cleared your calendar to discuss me collectively together. The C-suite of a giant international food chain restaurant. Oh my God. They had to have sit downs about me. That's iconic. No, that really is. That really is. just, I literally, I love that about you. I love so much about sorry to anyone. Thank you, thank you. And I'm proud of me too. That's your fun fact that you do in a little crowded room when everybody has to give one. What's your fun fact? I'm like Chili's sued me It never ends there like that's never it's the beginning of the story every time oh my god But it's fun and so fun. Oh, I love that so much and if you want to catch up on why Chili's Sued me I I I have a podcast it's not a pause But it's called the miscellaneous podcast and if you're bored you can binge it. There's like yeah, so many I couldn't even there's great episodes Yeah, no, I love your podcast. There's so many everybody needs to go back and just listen to all of them. I mean, there's so many podcasts shows out there now, but one you definitely need to check up on is miscellaneous podcast. There's yeah, it's great. I literally audibly laugh like there's very few podcasts that I actually audibly laugh. That's always the ball. Thank you. Thank you. That's all I'm looking for is an audible laugh. Yeah. And you you get it every time for me. Um, but is there anything else that you want to plug? know we're wrapping up. So I just want to be sure there anything Follow me on instagram guys. I have crashed out. I share inspiring things i'm a multi-dimensional human on the internet and happy for you to Follow along and please shop my links support me if you can if you have any shopping to do shop through me And i'm at elena davies on the internet if there's anything you need a link for i'm sure she'll be able to just like Get it all up for you. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Easy peasy. Well, it's seriously, it's been so much fun talking with you, Elena. This literally has been a dream. No, thank you. I'm seriously, I'm so excited. And yeah, I mean, it's just been so much fun. feels like just about, I mean, to me, we've been besties for a long time. So it's just been now we're just finally being able to catch up. So it's just been super great. much to catch up on. Yeah, exactly. So I just been yapping, but Everybody. Thank you for having me on. you so much. And everybody go follow Elena Davies. You won't regret it. I promise.