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Love Styles: How Childhood Shapes the Way We Love · A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart

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  Speaker 1: When it comes to relationships, everyone has their own way
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  Speaker 1: of showing love. Sometimes, these behaviors and thought processes can
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  Speaker 1: be negative rather than positive. According to a study, children
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  Speaker 1: who had a secure relationship with their parents growing up
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  Speaker 1: tend to have better interpersonal relationships later on, while children
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  Speaker 1: who had more unstable relationships are more likely to have
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  Speaker 1: unhealthy behaviors and instability in relationships. Dr. Milan and K.
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  Speaker 1: Yurkovich determined that there are five different love styles that
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  Speaker 1: often are determined by your childhood. So what does each
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  Speaker 1: love style say about your childhood? 1. The Avoider People
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  Speaker 1: with the Avoider-type love style often come off as distant
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  Speaker 1: or unengaged. They don't allow themselves to feel emotions in
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  Speaker 1: order to protect themselves and often feel uncomfortable when other
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  Speaker 1: people around them get emotional. Avoiders value their personal space
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  Speaker 1: away from other people. If you have the avoider love style,
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  Speaker 1: as a child, you may have grown up in a
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  Speaker 1: home that didn't show a lot of affection, that put
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  Speaker 1: more focus on being independent and self-reliant. If you are
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  Speaker 1: upset by something, you may not have gotten the comfort
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  Speaker 1: you needed, whether it be emotional or physical. Maybe at
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  Speaker 1: some point, you stopped paying attention to your own feelings
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  Speaker 1: and needs immediately. so that you could deal with the
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  Speaker 1: stress and anxiety from having little to no comfort from
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  Speaker 1: your parents or caretakers. The term vacillate means to alternate
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  Speaker 1: or waver between different opinions or actions, or in other words,
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  Speaker 1: to be indecisive. If you have the vacillator type love style,
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  Speaker 1: you may tend to idealize new relationships. However, when the
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  Speaker 1: other person shows any trait or behavior that you didn't imagine,
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  Speaker 1: you begin to doubt the relationship and may even consider
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  Speaker 1: ending the relationship altogether. As a child, you probably grew
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  Speaker 1: up with an unpredictable parent. Maybe they were always finding
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  Speaker 1: a reason to leave home, going out often, or meeting
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  Speaker 1: new people often, even when you needed them. Whatever the
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  Speaker 1: case may have been, your needs weren't your parents' first priority.
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  Speaker 1: Because of this, you may have developed a fear of
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  Speaker 1: abandonment due to the fact that you didn't receive consistent
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  Speaker 1: affection from your parents. As both a child and an adult,
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  Speaker 1: you also probably were very sensitive and perceptive, noticing even
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  Speaker 1: the slightest sign that someone in your life was distancing themselves. 3.
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  Speaker 1: The Controller If you have the controller love type, you
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  Speaker 1: probably feel the need to have control in a relationship
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  Speaker 1: to avoid the vulnerable, negative feelings you experienced as a child.
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  Speaker 1: By being in control, you can ensure that you limit
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  Speaker 1: your exposure to feelings like humiliation, fear, and helplessness. The
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  Speaker 1: one emotion that doesn't make you feel vulnerable is anger,
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  Speaker 1: so you may use anger to express your emotions. You
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  Speaker 1: probably have a particular way you like things done, and
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  Speaker 1: when those expectations aren't met, you may get angry or stressed.
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  Speaker 1: If you identify as a controller, You probably grew up
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  Speaker 1: in a home where there wasn't a sense of protection.
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  Speaker 1: When there was some sort of harm in your life,
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  Speaker 1: no one was there to make sure you were kept safe.
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  Speaker 1: You didn't like stepping out of your comfort zone and
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  Speaker 1: did whatever you could to keep yourself from experiencing negative feelings.
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  Speaker 1: You learned to be emotionally tough and how to take
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  Speaker 1: care of yourself because if you didn't, you were susceptible
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  Speaker 1: to being hurt. 4. The Pleaser Someone with the Pleaser
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  Speaker 1: love type has the main focus of making sure others
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  Speaker 1: around them are happy, even if it means sacrificing their
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  Speaker 1: own wants and needs in order to do so. Pleasers
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  Speaker 1: have a habit of monitoring the moods of those around
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  Speaker 1: them to make sure they are kept happy. If someone
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  Speaker 1: has a negative change in mood, the Pleaser may have
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  Speaker 1: an internal struggle with feeling anxious, upset, or stressed. If
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  Speaker 1: you're a Pleaser, you don't enjoy or handle conflict easily.
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  Speaker 1: So you may lie or do or say what the
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  Speaker 1: other person wants just to avoid conflict. It's often hard
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  Speaker 1: for a pleaser to say no. As a child, you
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  Speaker 1: grew up with a parent who was overly protective, angry,
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  Speaker 1: or critical. They may have had overly high standards they
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  Speaker 1: wanted you to meet. And if you didn't do as
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  Speaker 1: well as they wanted, you wouldn't get a positive response
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  Speaker 1: from them. People usually saw you as the good kid.
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  Speaker 1: Rather than receiving comfort from your parents, you may have
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  Speaker 1: actually been giving them comfort when they were being reactive
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  Speaker 1: or apologizing for things that were out of your control.
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  Speaker 1: Because your parents reacted in such ways, you may have
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  Speaker 1: done whatever you could to avoid getting a negative response
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  Speaker 1: from them, even if it meant lying about something. Victims
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  Speaker 1: often lack self-worth and more than likely suffer from depression
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  Speaker 1: or anxiety. Rather than living, They just tend to go
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  Speaker 1: through the motions. In relationships, it's not uncommon for them
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  Speaker 1: to gravitate toward a controller, as they mimic what they
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  Speaker 1: experienced in childhood. Victims are used to complying. They find
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  Speaker 1: it easier or even comforting to be with a controller
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  Speaker 1: in order to get by, as that's what they're used to.
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  Speaker 1: If you have the victim love style, you probably grew
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  Speaker 1: up in a chaotic home. You had parents that would
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  Speaker 1: be angry or even violent. Learning to be compliant helped
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  Speaker 1: keep any attention off of yourself. Did you ever use
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  Speaker 1: your imagination to escape the negativity surrounding you? That's common
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  Speaker 1: with victims, as being fully present is too painful for them.
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  Speaker 1: These five love styles help us understand more of the
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  Speaker 1: negative way we react and behave in relationships, and also
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  Speaker 1: why we are this way due to our childhood experiences.
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  Speaker 1: Did you relate to any of these styles? Leave a
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  Speaker 1: comment below and let us know if any of these
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  Speaker 1: love styles describe you and your childhood. If you find
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  Speaker 1: this video insightful, share it with someone who would benefit
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: from it. Don't forget to like this video and subscribe
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: to Psych2Go for more psychology videos. Thanks for watching and
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  Speaker 1: we will see you soon.