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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: Stop Overcommitting Your Energy · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Emily, here you are listening to another episode
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: of Five Minute Friday on Hurdle. It is absolutely beautiful
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: in Brooklyn right now. And to simply say that sentence
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: in Brooklyn right now makes my heart so happy. I
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: have loved being a little bit all over the place
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: as of late. I was in Boston and then London
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: and then Portland, Oregon, where it was also beautiful tbh.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: But being home, oh man, what an exhale? What an exhale?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: And also I feel like things are about to get
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: a bit hectic. And what I mean by that is
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: that as it gets nicer out I don't know about
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: all of you, but my social calendar slowly get it's
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: more filled up. And so what that looks like is
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: events me being out maybe a little bit after my
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: bedtime or my preferred bedtime as a woman in her
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: late thirties. Yeah, So it has me kind of evaluating
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: how I go about this time of year, and really
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: evaluating if I'm over committing myself. Before I say yes
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: to any sort of social obligation, I'm always asking myself, this,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: will this event give me energy or require a withdrawal
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: that I just cannot afford? Right now, will this event
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: give me energy or require a withdrawal.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: That I just can't afford.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Right now, I am totally fine about being an intentional
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: gatekeeper of my own calendar, of my own energy. I
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: get to do that, You get to do that. The
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: other thing that I'm always pulse checking on when it
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: comes to whether or not I should say yes is
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: the white space rule. And what I mean by the
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: white space rule is that I require to have a
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: certain amount of nothingness in my weekly calendar.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: That might sound I.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Don't know how it might sound, It's just the truth.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, if every hour is accounted for, then there's
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: just there's no room for spontaneity, or really, more importantly,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: there's no room for your brain to actually reset. The
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: only time that I have with myself, if that's only
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: in the morning, I yeah, then I get a little
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: bit frazzled. So I believe firmly that it's important to
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: make room for nothingness. I also really believe that you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: can do a little bit of both. You can play
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: both sides. So you may want to support someone, go
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: to an event, see friends, make time, and you also
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: may recognize that you need a little bit more time
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: for yourself. So what does that look like in practice?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe it is declining an invitation sure, or maybe it's
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: leaving early without a guilt tax. How do you leave
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: something early without a guilt tax? Well, you can let
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: the person know that's hosting the event, the dinner, the
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: obligation that you want to come, and you will come
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: if it's okay, if you only stay for X amount
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: of time. By doing that, then you don't have that
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: guilt by heading out a tad before the other.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: People that are in the room.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: People who respect you respect your boundaries, so don't be
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: afraid to make them. I know it can be a
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: little unsettling. Sometimes you don't want to step on any toes.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: You don't want to disappoint anyone. But at the end
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: of the day, if you're so worried about disappointing others,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: then what you're going to do is truly disappoint yourself.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: My challenge to you this week, my listener prompt for
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: you is take a look at your calendar and maybe
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: cancel one thing that you.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: Think that you're doing out of obligation.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I am giving you the permission to trade that time
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: period that thing you didn't actually want to do for
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: something like a solo walk, a longer recovery session, or
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: sometimes I truly just come home and sit in silence
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: and it is wonderful. What is one thing that you've
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: got on deck, maybe this weekend, maybe next week, that
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: you can say no too respectfully and reclaim that time
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: for your self. And now a listener question. Hey, Emily,
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: my name's Rebecca. I can really relate to you in
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: that I travel a lot for work and I finally
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: have a weekend with zero plans. My problem is that
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: my first instinct is to feel anxious about it, like
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I should be doing something or seeing people because it's
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: finally nice out.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: See. I told you we're all thinking about this. How
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: do I actually.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Learn to be okay with the quiet without feeling like
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I'm wasting my time? Thank you so much for all
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: that you do and love the show. Oh man, oh man,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: this is relatable content. This is relatable content.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Listen.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: My gut tells me that this isn't something that you
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: get to indulge in very often. So while it is
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: entirely understandable that you feel anxious, I would encourage you
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: to dabble in.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: A little bit of both.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: So since it's finally nice out, you can enjoy that
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: on your own time. You can schedule things with yourself,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: take yourself out on a date, and also make a
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: plan or two that involve other people, so get your
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: time alone and then also recharge your social battery with
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: your friends, up that connectivity opportunity, so.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: It can be both.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: What I find by indulging in both is that I'm
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: better for it. So I am better, like I said before,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: when I keep my boundaries and the people that love
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: me respect that.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I'm the kind of person that.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Needs a little bit of an inhale, a little bit
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: my own oxygen mask on first, before I can show
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: up and really be my best self. The last thing
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: that you want to do is over commit to anything
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: and put yourself in a position where you can't actually
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: be present and be where your feet are because your
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: head is in a zillion other places, whether that be
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: because you're burnt out or overtired or bombarded, or whatever
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: the case may be. So when it comes to feeling
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: anxious again, that is entirely understandable.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: It's okay, I've been there.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Schedule some time for you, and then maybe schedule some
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: fun with a friend if you have a listener question
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: like Rebecca, hit me up in the email or over DM.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: You can reach me at Hello at hurdle dot us
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: and also always over on social at Hurdle Podcasts and
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: over at Emily a Body, Another hurdle conquered.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.