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DILEMMAS: TOXICITY · Relatables

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Coming up on My husband travels for work and when
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: he comes home from an overseas flight, he refuses to
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: just shower.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: When coming home.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What the Relatable podcast is hosted by myself, Addy Clark
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: ak Mommy, and my partner in crime, mister Jake Craig
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: aka Daddy.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, and this is a Dilemma's episode Baddies.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: We have the prompt being sort of not really but
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: it is toxicity.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say, I mean to be fair like that.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: We have a lot of them that are just like
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: toxicity anyway.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Have you ever been toxic in your life? Yeah? Yeah, heah,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: When was the last time you've been toxic?
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: The last?
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I feel like is toxic a strong word. I'm just
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: trying to think about, Like I've been in a pretty
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: toxic relationship before, where.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: It was like.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Just I would say she was pretty bad, and then
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: I would just like never stick off for myself, and
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: then like, yeah, let stuff like boil up and boil up,
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: and then I just would never say how I feel.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: And then I would say I've had some definite toxic
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: tendencies that I look back on in the past and
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: think like I could have done some different things.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I feel that's relatable, especially in young relationships. You're not
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: proud of it, but you can grow from them, can't you. Yeah,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Like I think my second second relationship, I I didn't
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: do the thing where it was like, oh, I don't
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: want to fully make it official because my ex was toxic,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: but I did. I did like have emphasis on the
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: fact that, like my ex was pretty toxic, and.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I think that, like I don't know if I ever held.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: It against like my second girlfriend, but I think in
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: the back of her head quite off and she was like, oh,
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I really don't want to be like his ex or
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: else he'll like dump me or something like that.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, I assume because like I just remember being.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Like yeah, like because I just like told her the
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: ship that exed it and she was like, yeah, that's crazy.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: And so I think like after that it was like
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: the type of stuff in the past, like you can
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: definitely talk about stuff your exs have done, but I don't.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I guess it's interesting too, because you could be the
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: one receiving someone being toxic, yeah, which still gives you trauma,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: or you can be the one who's being toxic and
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: that also gives you trauma.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you did it. There's no winning. Yeah, it's weird.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: I've never been the type to care about someone going
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: out without me, would have been that tired like.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I've never I don't think I've ever been.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: Like proper classic toxic like I reckon, I've probably been
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: unintentionally insecure toxic.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's the most common. I don't know.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: If I would tell you, I wouldn't classify as I
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: wouldn't classify insecurities as toxic.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, no, something.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Toxic I did my second girlfriend. I went traveling and
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: I didn't know when I wanted to come home. Just
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: told her, I don't know when I want to come home.
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: That was toxic.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Sure we break up, very true. What about you? Any
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: toxic stuff?
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: I'm sure I have. Yeah, Oh one comes to mind.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: Actually when I was eighteen, breaking up with your girlfriend
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: because you're going to school is Yeah, that's a rough one.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: You can look back.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: It's a rough one I feel about.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: It's one of you know when.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: You do something and like I don't think about it anymore,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: but like when it didn't you just like if you
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: bring it up, I'm like you just think like I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: couldn't I go back and just I didn't have the
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: communication skills, not giving myself excuses like I just physically didn't.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, look, your reason for breaking up
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: with her was, I guess, pretty bad. But I also
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: think I'm trying to justify myself, which I shouldn't because
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: it was a bad thing.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I needed a reason to do it when I just
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: wanted to do it.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: I mean, obviously you wanted to do it.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean, like, I don't know.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: We always say, if you're going to cheat, at least
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: break up with them. True, and then it sounds like
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: you had intentions of wanting to get to get with
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: some other people.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: So I guess at least you broke up with it.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It's a bit rough, but very rough,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: but yeah, bad is What's something toxic you've done?
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: Actually comment below, genuinely comment below, what some tox if
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: you've done? Like, it doesn't matter anymore, You're forgiven. We
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: forgive you. It's interesting to know everybody has their faults.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we all grow, we all learn.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I would love to hear some toxic about it, yeah, exactly,
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: and then we'll just like we'll reply to the comments
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: saying we forgive you, we forgive you, forgive it.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I want like twenty thirty comments. Yeah, I
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: don't know how it would.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: Be good to get it off your chest.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: It was so nice to say that.
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: What wall streets.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: It has, have a little bit of cocaine, going to
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: the toilet master bate and then come out drink like
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: sixteen voga martinis and just.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Hum oh oh oh.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like the start of this episode has been
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: very bloky.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Okay, dilemmas toxic. We'll rate them on toxicity levels and
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: then we'll answer as well, yeah, not all really that toxic.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: It was kind of like, is someone being toxic on answer? Yeah,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I'll try.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: My dilemma is my best friend is in a toxic
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: relationship and he doesn't see it. He's staying because of
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: the kid, which I respect.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: However, we've been extremely close slash best friends slash intimate
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: dish conversations for years and when I told him his
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: current relationship was.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Toxic, thought this was like the same sex type shit.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: So when I told him his relationship was toxic and
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: reminded him of all the things he said about his
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: relationship that he knew was hanging on by thread. He
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: got mad at me and put our friendship on pause
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: to save his relationship. Now it's been minimal contact for
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: months between us, hoping we can get our friendship back
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: where it was. How long does it take for a
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: guy to see the partnership he's in is toxic and
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: the best friend pointing it out is not the bad
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: guy and also have him see that the happiness he's
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: wanting so bad is right in front of him.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Bady mindset is a little bit skew if girl. Firstly,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: you guys aren't friends. There's no friendship there.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't want to be friends with you. You just
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: said you'd like you think you're his happiness.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's there's a time and a place. There's two
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: dilemmas here. The first one.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: Is is it crazy to say that the baddie is
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: the toxic one?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: It is, though, It's bit is tough because her thinking
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: process is skew if because she thinks she's still on
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: the right thing.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: But she's not.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: No, she's not. And I'm sorry.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: But like.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: From all the information that we have been given, which
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: obviously wasn't that much, but like in all the black
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: and white senses. I kind of respect that he's been like, oh, well,
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: like he I assume he knows that you have feelings
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: for him. Yeah, and in the past maybe he had
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: feelings for you. But I got to respect that he's
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: pushed it away so he can try and, you know,
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: save the relationship with this child's mother.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Well, there's two dilemmas here. Dilemma one is, if you
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: were just friends, you've said your two cents. He's taken
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: that on board and made a decision. You might not
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: agree with that decision, but you have to accept it. Yeah,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: but you're not friends and you just want to stay
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: around till he realizes that you're no longer going to
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: be friends and you can get together. Dilemma two is
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: you can't be friends. I think you guys need to
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: cut it off and you need to respect his decision
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: that he's trying to be the father to his kid.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I agree, but you've got an ulterior motive. It's not healthy.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: No, that's why I think I'm baddie.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but you're kind of be in the toxic Yeah,
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: you don't want the best for him, like.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, I'm sure, she wants the best
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: for him, but she thinks that she's the best for him. Yeah,
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: she wants the best for herself. Yeah, he's got a kid.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: And it's kind of funny. It's like using using the
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: word however instead of but is still using the word but.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, poor baddie, you just playing fish in the sea.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, look, yeah, maybe you should go on a
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: holiday to.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: The sea and some fish see yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: that aren't taken and have kids.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Where are you from if you're not from the ocean?
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I recommend it.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. Next dilemma. If you want to get
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: a dilemma, read bias. There will be a link in
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: the discs scrip and they're completely anonymous and they can be.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Whatever you want.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: My dilemma is I don't know what my ex wants
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: from me. Hi, guys, my ex messaged me out of
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: the blue about three weeks ago with a simple height.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I ended things about two and a half months ago
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: prior and cut off all contact with the exception of
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: our regular phone numbers. That's not cutting off contract codag Sorry.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: We've messaged a few other times in the past three weeks,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: but I'm generally not sure what he wants from me.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: He mentioned the idea of catching up in person, but
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: not tried to make any plans yet. He asked me
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: if I'd had any luck on a hinge and if
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I was still talking to anyone. Yes, I met a guy,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: but no, I didn't get past the first date. In conversation,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: he'll make little comments like that's what I like about you,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: or you're one of a kind. I'm always the one
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: who messages first. If I don't start the conversation, it
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: goes radio silence for days. I still have feelings for
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: him and would honestly get back with him, but I
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: seriously can't get a red Sorry, I seriously can't get
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: a read from him.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: It would be great to get your cast perspective. Thanks
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: so much. Love the podcast, Jake, She loves the pod.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: We appreciate the support.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I know, just fucking try and get back
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: with him.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Try whatever.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: What are we doing, abouddies, what are we doing?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I cut off all contact except our primary primary.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: I cut off all contact except for probably one of
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: the best human inventions ever invented, which is every single
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: person's form of main conduct.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: That's so funny. Yeah, well, I feel like, here we go,
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: here's a dilemma, folks saying like.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: I'm I'm vegetarian, but I still eat steak.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: I just cut out all your stuff.
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: Which is fair, Okay, a lot of people.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I saw a really good TikTok to this woman, going
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: everyone has this like thing where the most common one is,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: you know, i'd be a vegetarian or i'd be a vegan,
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: but I just love chicken.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: I just love bacon.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: It's like, Okay, be a vegetarian and eat just bacon.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: You can be a vegetarian and eat bacon.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: You're just not a vegetarian, but like everything else you
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: don't eat and you just eat bacon.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Same thing with everything exactly.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: And I guess there's a dilemma in So she's broken
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: up with this man and still loves him and realize
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: that she's made a bad decision, so.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: She broke up with them. Yeah, how why did you
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: break up with them?
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: She didn't say, how can you do you think it's
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: healthy to go back on a decision even if you
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: made it?
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Hard to say, like I've I've broke up with the girl.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: My first girlfriend broke up with and then go back
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: together with and then broke up with and then and.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Got back together with. But I think we broke up twice.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I did the same thing, and I feel like, as
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: a young adult, he's never been in a relationship before.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: You get addicted to the emotions. When you're young, it's.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: Like high low high low, high low, and.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: You're chasing the highs and then you've got to experience
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: the highs to get the lows.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: And then you force the loads to have been breaking.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But then as we've gotten older, I've realized that
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: love is very mundane and boring, and that's what love
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: really is about you. If you get addicted to the
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: sensation of what love you think it is.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I think, like, who am I
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: to say?
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: If someone was to break up with someone and then
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: five months later they got back together with him and
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: then ended up marrying.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: Them and having a great life, then obviously it worked out.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Like I don't care what you do, go try. That's
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: how you just said bad, no, this bad, he goes.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: I would love to get back together with him. I
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: still love him.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Still go fucking try.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Go try. And then also you've got to sleep in
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: the bed you've made. If he doesn't want to get
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: back with.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: You because you broke up him, just don't let it.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: Just don't let him bullshit around and stuff.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta respect his decision.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and if it's like trying to if he's like, well,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: you broke up with me, I don't want it, and
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: be like oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah valid vallos.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: All right, Dating while living with parents?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, listen, a tricky slope to navigate. Will judge if
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: this is toxic? And oh was that last one toxic?
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: It was a bit she broke up with him and
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: wants to get back with him. Yeah, you could argue
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: a little bit toxic?
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: All right?
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Dating while living with parents. Hi, guys, I was listening
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: to your recent EP where you mentioned living at home
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: with parents in this economy. I'm twenty six and still
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: live at home because money, and most of my friends
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: do too, so we're basically all on the same page. However,
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: I just got into I just got onto the dating apps,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: and the thing that made me hesitate and getting them
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: for so long and still makes me hesitant is the
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: fact that I still live at home. My parents' house
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: is small, so while I have my own bedroom space.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: We only have one living room, kitchen, bathroom, etc. Tough,
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: so there is still a lot of shared living. Additionally,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: there is always someone else at home, including my brother,
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: because everyone else in the house either doesn't work, doesn't
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: work much, and or works from home. This is doable
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: for me because I'm saving much more money, but dating
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: feels impossible. You sure can do stuff out movies, dinners, coffees, walks,
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: et cetera, but there's a natural progression of a relationship
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: to the spending time together doing the mundane things with life. Additionally,
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: going out more costs more, which is kind of the
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: reason I'm living at home to save as much as possible.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: I know there are cheaper dates, but it's not the
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: same as the intimacy of like being able to cook
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: dinner together or watch a movie on the lounge in
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: your own space. A few of my friends have said
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: it's if the guy lives out of home. But number one,
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: it feels a little unfair slash uneven i e. Things
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: like bills might be more spanny for them if you're
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: living at their home too.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Uh that a little bit? Yeah, sorry, No, I might
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: have read down a line.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: I E.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: Things like bills might be more spenny for them if
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: you're there more and potentially I can't read today, and
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: potentially cognitive load in balance. But mainly number two in
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: this economy, what if there's what if they are living
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: at home too?
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: What if the boyfriend if you meet a guy's also
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: living at home? Okay, yeah, there is no answer to
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: this one, but I guess I just want more perspectives.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: Love the pod always fun, listen each week. Okay, sorry,
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: that was a bit of I don't know if that
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: was written PAULI or as I just couldn't read.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: That is not toxic to start.
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: I don't think this is this.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I feel like I have great advice here. I reckon
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: on learning from experience. Cassie, cover your ears. I did
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: see girls before her, and I didn't want to bring
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: them to my house because my parents were here.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: You've got a big ass house, dude.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I just have got it because this is a fucking mansion.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I have my own bathroom and now my own living room.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I didn't have my own I didn't.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: You have your own floor? What he has a wing?
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I didn't have my own living room when my brother
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: lived here. My brother moved out. But yeah, so I'm
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: fucking living like a beast now. But what I learned
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: was I didn't want to bring anyone here. But if
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: they are the right person, you want them to have
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: a relationship with your parents. They're your fucking parents. Chuck
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: yourself in the deep end. You're like, look, I live
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: at fucking home. Come meet my parents right now and
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: get them to have a related keep get him to
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: have a relationship, Get him to knock on my fucking door.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Talk to my dad for fifteen minutes while I'm getting ready,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: so hard to my mom if you don't want to
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: do that, And then if you don't want to do that,
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: you can't fucking date me.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: And then and then for the long run, if he
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: hears the right one, the relationship has started off on
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: the front foot because.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: They're your parents. They're gonna be there no matter what.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Who cares. Are you ashamed of them? They think they're
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: gonna they're gonna say some weird shit their parents.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: They're going to embarrass you and show some weird photo
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: of you when you're a kid and shipping naked and
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: be like, mom, shut up, yep.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: But deep end, look, I mean I don't disagree, Like
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: just I think that you're making a choice to live
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: at home. Your reason for living at home is the
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: same bunch of money. If you want a date, then
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: you have to own that you live at home. Like,
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you I don't think you should
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: let it stop you.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: No, never do I.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: And if you think that to date you need to
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: be living out of home, then don't date because you're
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: choosing to live at home.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: And in the confusing ring role, she took us on,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: or you took us on, she was going on about
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: like not fair. Say, for example, you're living at home
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: and then you want the person you're seeing to be
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: living out at home. Well, that's a bit of a
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: toxic mindset there.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Who kid as a fuck?
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if he's doing the same thing, that's honorable too.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: He's saving for his future.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: I mean so that the house being small and there
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: only being one and one living room and you have
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: your own room, I guess you're trying to look like
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: class half full here.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: You at least could hang out in there.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you just got to get them, sorry, You
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: just got to make the most of what you've got,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: sleep there and then go out and get breakfast, go
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: for a walk.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: But that's again defeating the purpose.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: So eat and then go for a walk AND's free.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: It's long you want to I should.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: The only dilemma with your parents is not being able
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: to sleep together because your bed's with your parents' house.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I also feel like sleep and then leave. Yeah,
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: I don't know if there's too much of a dilemma here.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: No, I think how old was she shouldn't say twenty six?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Twenty six?
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Way, it's like, to be fair, if you haven't had
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: a relationship before, it is very daunting. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: and like I have learned from it. And like I said,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, don't meant my parents. I remember,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: because my level is the bottom level. I could sneak
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: people around the back.
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: My level.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: And then they didn't have to meet my parents, because
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: that's what I did. But in hindsight, I should have
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: been like, no, you can meet my parents.
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: In the morning.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, why not?
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, good way to find out what the person's
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: intentions are, because they might be like, oh no, no.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: No, it's I guess it's tough though, we're thinking she
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: wants to date someone for the future. Yeah, she must
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: want to sleep with some people, because why not where
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I would say, if you want to do that, car.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: Car, hotel, money.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Here's the thing though, was like I think that if
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: you're gonna complain about one thing, you can't then also
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: complain about the solution.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: True, So you don't want to bring a boy home, right,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: let's say.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if she doesn't want it
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: or not, Like maybe she's fine with it, but like,
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: let's say she doesn't want to bring a boy home.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: So the solution would be, Okay, you either have to
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: do it like she said, you have to go out
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: and get food together, you have to go out to
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: the movies on dates, you have to maybe get a hotel.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: Like those are the solutions to the problem. So you
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: can't complain about the solutions.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I guess too though, like after you're saying
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: that there's going to be three or four dates outside
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: your house to start to see.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: You don't make a change, You make a choice another
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: baddies sign off right there? Yeah, Okay, I like it.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Good advice.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: So toxic levels are probably at it like a two.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was very low.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I think that was more of just the conversation yeah,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: this one's very formal too.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Mummy and Daddy.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I think I'm leading my ex on without meaning to. Okay,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: So I have had a very hard time not talking.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: To my ex. We have been ex'es for.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Around seven years now, and I feel like I'm being
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: very toxic towards him. I really enjoy him as a
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: friend and I don't want to lose that. But he
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: gets very very attached if I talk to him for
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: too long.
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: E g.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Replies to all my stories, telling me I am so beautiful,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: calls me a heap, sends me excess, and talks naughty.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: Ooh, must be nice.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I have told him numerous times that I don't want anything,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: but he insists he wants to meet up with me
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: again soon. He seems to have grown and to really
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: listen and understand me as a person. I don't know
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: how to keep being just friends with him like this,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: but I also don't want to lose him because he
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: listens when no one else will.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Should I stop talking to him altogether or keep trying
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: to be friends with him, knowing I may be leading
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: him on if he's keeping if he keeps thinking I'm
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: talking to him to date, ps, he's in the army,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: red flag, red flag.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Love your work, baddie. She read it like a letter.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I like that, write it like a letter about h
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: that's cool.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Um, so I'm going to say, yes, you are being
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: the toxic one.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Wait, he's in the army, red flagged.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: You know what's interesting about this army comment is that
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: within the last maybe fifteen to twenty dilemmas that are
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: in the most recent ones put in, I saw at
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: least like five to six saying something about an army man,
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: what's with this influx of army dudes?
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: And why are army dudes of red flag?
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: They're stereooting our country, stereotypically extremely toxic.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: Really, yeah, army dudes are a stereotyp the type of
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: person to go on the army.
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, stereotypically.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: I didn't know that.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: That's interesting. Yeah, dude, it's toxic. Yeay. Zach Bryan was
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: in the army.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's kind of That's actually a good example
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: what type of because the type of person to want
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: to do said job has to be a little bit
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know, full of themselves not the right word,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: because there are very good people who are in there.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: And need self efficacy.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think there's a line that's blurred, especially
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: with young men in there a lot of the time,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: and then he'll learn a little bit like I feel
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: like they're owed something.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, not all of them, don't get me wrong.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Here's definitely some really good people with them, but I
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: think there is a little bit of a stigma there. So,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: but toxicity level is actually very high. I'm giving this
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: one like a fucking eight. So you said one line
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: which was really really bad. You want to keep You
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: don't want to lose him because he listens when no
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: one else will.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: You're selfish.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Ah, she's a baddie, so it's hard to hear, but like, yeah,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: it's selfish and you can't you're.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Leading him on.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: He obviously knows that you are a baddie and thinks
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: the other chance because you keep talking to him and
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: you just like that he's around, and it's not fair
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: on him.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: Being selfish girl. Yeah, and being toxic. There's there's there's
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: right now. Also, she said, I'm unintentionally being toxic.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I want to show some empathy. It's nice to feel wanted,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: but you have a decision to make right now. There's
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: two doors, baddie, close your eyes. There's two doors. One
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: door is an army man with his arms wide open
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: and he's willing to take you. You can go through
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: that door and the door will close forever. The other
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: door is no army man and no one there. Your independence.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: You've got to find yourself when you go to evin years.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Seven years, just remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: long time.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: So go through either door. You make the decision. But
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: as soon as you walk through said door, it closes
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: and you can't go back through the other one.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: You're to the dude.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Even if he is even if he does have technic
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: toxic tendencies in any way that we don't know about,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: he's still but he's still a human being at the
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: end of the day.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: I tell you what always happens here, though. There becomes
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: a point.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: In time where oh, there's no one else out there. Look,
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: army man's just over there. Most just go and you settle.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: You don't want to settle because you're not with him
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: for a reason. Obviously, it's a good points, good point
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: you need to go, you know what to do?
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: You know what, I'm very disappointed in you.
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: That he's not happy.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: I'm still friends with my ex sister in law. Ex
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: sister in law, Okay, hey, guys, love the pod. I
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: listen every week. Currently in grad school, so no money
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: ha ha, but once I get a job, we'll.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Definitely subscribe to Patreon.
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: Slow.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Here's the dilemma. I was with my ex from twenty
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: nineteen to twenty twenty. It was a toxic and abusive
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: relationship that ended horribly. However, through the relationship, I became
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: very good friends with his brother's girlfriend. We'll call her Tea,
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: his brother will call him Jay, and girlfriend also had
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: a child at that time. After we break up, Tea
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: tells me she still wants to be friends and wants
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: me in her life and her kid's life. Jay apologized
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: to me for how his brother treated me and also
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: became a good friend to me. We remain friends. So
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: we remained friends, and I went to her kid's birthday
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: parties and their eventual wedding while friends with T ANDJ.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: I would overhear sorry, I would hear over the years
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: that my ex was annoyed that I was still friends
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: with them, and it pissed him off. He eventually got
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: a new girlfriend and I was still single. At one point,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: he even told me he was still in love with
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: me while with his new girlfriend wild behavior. At T
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: Andj's wedding, I confronted him and told him he needed
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: to grow up and suck it up about being about
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: me being at events for T and J and their kids.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: He said that was impossible for him because I reminded
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: him of a period of too much pain in his life,
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: and he'll never be able to get over me. I
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: have gotten married and T was a bridesmaid in my
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: wedding and her daughter's my Flower Girls. My husband does
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: not care that I'm still friends with T ANDJ. Bye
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: the connection to my ex. To clarify, I have had
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: no contact with him outside of these events for years now.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: He is refusing to go to his sister's daughter's birthday
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: parties and events if he thinks I will be there.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: I can see it affects the older girl when her
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: uncle doesn't come, but she is also happy that I'm there.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: T and J have both said my ex is being
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: immature and needs to get over it, and he is
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: choosing to isolate himself. They want to remain my friend.
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: My dilemma is am I in the wrong for still
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: being friends with them, for the drama it's causing. Or
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: does my ex need to grow up? Could use some
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: outside advice slash opinion. Sorry this was long.
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Damn it's actually really really that's actually really tough. You
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: know who the toxic one is? Who Jay's sister for
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: continuing to be friends.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: With No, no, no, the boyfriend's sister Jay is his brother.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, sorry, the brothers. So the boyfriend's brother's wife.
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, sorry, yeah it is.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: It's it's because it's it's because it's family.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's I'm trying to think here, like this
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: would be right, This would be like if my let's
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: just say, okay, no, you're you're close to your brothers.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: I just would be like if your brother's wife just
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: wanted to stay friends with Cassie after you guys broke up,
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: and she just like and Cassie was at all of
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: the all of your nieces and nephew's events at your wedding,
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: I actually would be pissed.
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: But he's the thing is I actually.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: Wouldn't be pissed at my ex girlfriend.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, it's not that he's the dilemma, I
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: would be pissed at my brother and his wife.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I don't know where we're going with this,
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: but I'm.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Not gonna lie. I semi sympathize.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: I don't like the way he's handling it, right, but
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: I semi sympathize with with old mate, even though he
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: but like fuck him because he was toxic and abusive
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: and shit like fucking for that. But but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But he's a question as well.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: It was like, I guess for the first couple of years,
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: I'm livid, but then like, at what point do you
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: just be like whatever, like he is.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: I think that's Karen on a bit.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: I think that for the first two years that your
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: friend T and Jay, your ex boyfriend's brother, they were
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: sort of the ones that, like Sam, you were at
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: fault for actually bringing you into this, Like you're not
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: the reason there's drama. They are the reason there's drama.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: And let's be real, your boyfriend being a fucking assholes
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: also the reason there's drama. But like you know, besides
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: the fact, but like year three onwards, your ex boyfriend
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: just needs to stop being a fucking dickhead.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he three is plenty of like a year, yeah,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: even after a year.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: For real, like you know what I mean.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is what it is. It's hard,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: like it's just.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like I sympathize for everyone in this situation of
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: for me and honest with you, because T can be
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: friends with T.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Wants to be friends. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: So I think that where I'm getting with this though,
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: is as of this point in time, your ex boyfriend
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: is a toxic one and he needs to get over it.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: So I think keep doing what you doing. I don't
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: give a fuck.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I agree with that conclusion. I would be pissed for
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: the first year, but with the circumstances.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: At hand, I would agree with that, And yeah, just
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: keep doing your thing.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: It's happened. It's happened, so deal with it. And like
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: obviously it's been so long fucking time to get over it. Also, yeah,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: he's been a little.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: Bit of a sook, Yeah, especially because you haven't spoken
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: to him since T and Jay's wedding, where you just
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: said stop in a fucking.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Dickhead mindset shift.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: She was devoted because the two kids, the nieces and nephews,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: don't get to see their uncle.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: Oh Yeah. Now she feels like no, no, no, no, but
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: mindset shift.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Good that he's not there because he's he's a toxic, abusive.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Man, fucking valid.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Don't want that role model their lives doing. Yeah, cut
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: them out. You've actually done really good by them.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: You're doing a service for the children.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go, Baddie exactly. I like that. That's a good point.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: All right, Baddi's interjecting, as you know, and if you
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: don't go back and listen. We just recently run a
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: campaign the Baddest Baddie Yes, and the two winners have
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: won an ad read we're going to read for the
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: next month.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: They get four adreads, so here they are. Okay, we
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: talk about relationships, dilemmas, and hot fantasy novels, but something
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: we need to talk more about is mental health. Baddest
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Baddie Sarah is doing just that. She's written a book
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: called My Mental Health Toolkit, a recovery guide as a
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: way to highlight the parts of life that can get
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: tough and some easy strategies to help you through even better.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: It's more of a journal than a book because you
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: get to write through it and customize it to match you.
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  Speaker 2: So we're can you get this.
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  Speaker 2: Baddies These baddies doing cool stuff.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Support him if you want to and stay bad alrighty
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: title to stay or not to stay at least question
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: mark ex Actually actually not, I don't think it's that toxic.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been in a long term
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: relationship coming on two plus years.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Everything has been going.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Well so far, but we have reached a fork in
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: the road for our own personal reasons. We may be
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: going separate ways at the end of this year. He
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: is staying in the state for his career, and I'm
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: moving into state to be closer with family. I've always
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: been a family over everything. Gau and I have always
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: wanted to go back. I think he knew that. I
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: had hoped we would maybe figure out something and maybe
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: we would still be together, but it doesn't feel possible
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: right now. I completely understand and respect his reason for
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: not moving with me. His best career prospects are here,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: so it makes sense logically, but emotionally I am struggling
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: to understand or process that he's chosen career over me.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: I had always factored him into my future plans and
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: hence was always freaking out about this and when the
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: day would come, He, on the other hand, seems so
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: calm about it, to the point I wonder if this
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: was his plan all along and maybe he has already
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: prepped himself for the hurt. I feel a bit blindsided
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: by it all. Now my dilemma is whether to stay
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: together knowing we would end things at the end of
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: the year so at least we can continue making memories,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: et cetera together, or should we end things now if
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: we know is not likely to progress. Would it save
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: the hurt or would I be left wondering if I
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: ended things and gave up too soon?
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: By the way, love you guys.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Ah, yeah, wow.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: I reckon.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: If you're hell being on going home and he's help
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: being on staying in that state and you don't want
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: to do long distance, gotta break up now?
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I also feel this might maybe make you feel
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: a little bit better. So you think he has mentally
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: prepared for this and he doesn't feel hurt. I would
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: say that's how he copes. He doesn't want to see
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: that he's hurting, doesn't.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Want you to see it.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you don't have to jump to conclusions there.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: He might not know how to convey that he's actually hurting,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: and that's his way of coping. He doesn't want to
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: see anyone around him knowing that he's hurting. But yeah,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: I agree with JK. I just sit down and have
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: a conversation black and white. Do you see us coming
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: to a solution within a year? And if he says no,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: ask to put him on the spot, maybe give him
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: three days to think, because it is quite a big
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: decision and you still love each other.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Apparently, I don't know. I mean, I guess it should
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: be yes or no, shouldn't it? I agree. I think
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: it's a tough one.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: I think it's tough to hear that he wants to
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: put his career over being with you.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: Very tough.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: I think more communicated. Hindsight's a bitch.
• 36:08
  Speaker 5: Whatever.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, monarchy milk became more communication. You know in the past,
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: could have made a bit better now, but maybe not.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Who knows.
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: That's all speculative.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: So I think.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: That if again, you're definitely going home to family and
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: he's definitely staying in the city, then I would say
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: you need to break up now, why I stay together
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: and make more memories when you know you're going to break.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Up, agreed, and don't let him leave you on and
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, maybe I'll see what happens at the
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: end of the year.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Don't let that happen.
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: To you.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: Nah, yeah, I don't do that.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you need to make make the call now.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I would say, tell him everything you've told us, how
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: you feel, tell him that you're moving and I know
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: it is for me, And do you see a world
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: where this could work?
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: And if he says no, then leave.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then future relationships if you're in a similar situation.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: And just when you leave family, just say I would
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: always like to come back to a family.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: It's actually a big problem. A lot of people do this. Hey.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: So they got into the relationship knowing that this was
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: going to happen. Oh really, yeah, she said, we knew
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: this was going to happen eventually, and now it's come
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: to and a half years later.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Oh and now they're talking about it. Yeah, you need
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: to talk.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: You people that just sweet things under the rug with
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: the hopes that it would just work out for them,
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: But they've both stayed to the path they said they'd
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: stay too.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah. A big one is kids.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: People were like, oh, you're so perfect, and one of
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: them was like, oh, I don't want to have kids,
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: and the other one's like I do, I do, I do?
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: And then like five years down the track, they're like oh,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I thought you'd change your mind. I told you five
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: years ago that I don't want kids and said, yeah, yeah, damn,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: I thought you were changing fucking hell.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: Or like or like if a man wanted to get
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: married one day and then she's like, no, I don't,
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: I don't ever want to get married, and one day
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: it gets down on one day and she's like, no,
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: I told.
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: You I don't want to get married.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: It's like he literally just didn't listen to you.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: I feel like a lot of people do that.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: They hear what they want to hear.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: They think they can change someone's mind, which is a
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: very respectful yeah, and you do it.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: You do it subconsciously sometimes, and I disagree.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: You reckon they can they make a conscious decision that
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: they're going to change their mind. I think that's toxic,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: level of ten toxicity, right, I think that they make.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: A conscious decision to not talk about.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: It or true true. Yeah, I don't know.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: I also I don't know why you'd want to be
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: with someone who, like if if my fabe's on a
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: first date and I knew one when I was like,
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, in about a year or two, I want
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: to move back Inland. Twelve hours away to be in
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: my family, and they said, no, I could never do that.
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: Well I'm walking away.
• 38:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no for real.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well this is going to wear because's where I'm going.
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: I did see ononderlamer that I didn't choose and it
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: was about about it that she doesn't want children. Yeah,
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: which is fine, like it is your choice, your life,
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: your choice. And she said that she's a lot of
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: people will say things like you know, you'll want them
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: when you find the right guy, and she's like, no,
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: I just.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: Don't want kids.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: And she said, well, so my question is is like,
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: when's the best time to tell someone, And like literally
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: on a first date.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Potentially before.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like what people would do do with that
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: is they have a mindset that they've made up in
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: their head, but they're terrible at voicing that. So on
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: a first day they're like, oh, look, I don't really
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: see kids in my future, and then to the person
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: of the date says, oh, they're kind of like unknown
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: about kids.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Maybe I can change their mind.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you's got to be confident and assert yourself from
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: the start.
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: I guess, Yeah, you're just gonna say who you are,
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: what you're gonna do with your life.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: And I feel like this is a good learning curve,
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: like especially if it doesn't work out, like, be true
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: to who you are at the start.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Don't beat around the bush. Everyone loves the better around
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: the bush. I love being around the bush. Yeah it's easy,
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: big found have been around the bush. Yeah, get that
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: bloody whipper snippery opp al Right, baddies, that's the end
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: of dilemmas on Spotify.
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: We're going to do way well.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: I got a shorty okay, I got a shorty.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Bit of Battie for the free episodes before we get
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: the Patreon because it's short and kind of funny.
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: Quick one.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: My husband travels for work and when he comes home
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: from an overseas flight, he refuses to just shower when
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: coming home. What he would say, He's going to shower
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: the next day after he goes to the gym. I
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: find that really gross with germs and travel bug. We've
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: had three fights before and he would just shower after
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: I express my wage. I can't say rage, rage, but
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: after having two kids and a relationship, this is no
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: longer something I can take. He seems to not care
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: about his cleanliness.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: Is it just me?
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Or I just find it really really gross? Is this
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: all men? Why are male gender is so unclean? How
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: do I sit down and talk to him about this
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: without getting a divorced.
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: Ultimatum?
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's pretty chat.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: He doesn't shower after a flight.
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: I reckon, that's disgusting. Yeah, that's not on.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And also that's so easy.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: It's not like you're like asking him, like the most
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: hard thing to do ever, I shower. It takes thirty
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: seconds if you want to.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: So for me, it's the craziest thing that someone chooses
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: to be dirty.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Don't get in my bed day, I would say, if
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: you know, you could say that if you because if
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: he's perfect otherwise, be like sure, if you're not gonna shower,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: you can sleep on the fucking couch.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, get your own room.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, get us a bigger house with your own room.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can do that. I don't know.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I used to hate as a kid when people come
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: over and sit on my like not sit on my bed,
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: like lay on my bed with like their shoes and shit, Like,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: get the fuck off my bed. E.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: That's funny, that's crazy.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Bo a little quickie there. But as Jake was going
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: on to say, Batties. If you want the extended version
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: of Dilemmas, there's two more over there. Patreon is where
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: it's at Jake.
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: For how much?
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: Nine and nine a month, you get the extended version
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: of Dilemmas, You get the book club early. You also
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: get an exclusive episode an hour long every single week
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: where the batter community is going absolutely insane.
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and guys, if we get to two thousand paid
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Patreon members, Addie is going to let me throw an.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: Egg at his back.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: And if we get to two thousand Patreon members, Jake
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: will let me put spiders all over him.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: What's that's like twenty thousand. No, that's like twenty two thousand.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: That's making a lot of money for us, Jake, and
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: do it.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: I will, I will. Okay, if we when we get
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: to five thousand, all.
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: Right, five thousand Patreon members, I.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: Will go to the reptile Park.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna I'm gonna get one of those Sparta
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: handlers to come to hea.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, come here.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: And they got to put like three tranchers over you
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: and you can't do anything about it.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, yeah, no three one three one three
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: one five one five one no on one.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: Think of the clip you need.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Three, I'm doing one.
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: Five, I'm it is one.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: It all starts on Patreon, will continue this debate over there,
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: and we'll settle with three one