Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E20 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (How Child-Centered Play Therapy Changes the Story)

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S3E20 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (How Child-Centered Play Therapy Changes the Story) · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
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  with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
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  where I give you insight,
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  awareness,
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  and enlightenment about your parenting and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  we are continuing the parent Companion series
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  and we are talking about self-fulfilling prophecy.
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  And I was going to say in children,
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  but
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  it's true in adults too.
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  But
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  specifically how it impacts your children.
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  And the messages that they receive,
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  what others communicate to them,
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  how that impacts
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  their
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  personality and their behavior,
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  and obviously in light of therapy,
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  what the child-centered play therapy process would provide
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  as opposed to what
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  they get
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  from other environments and other people.
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  So,
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  we're going to deep dive self-fulfilling prophecy before I do.
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  I just want to say thank you all.
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  I know every single day there are new listeners,
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  new people finding this podcast.
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  So,
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  if you are new or newer,
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  very glad you're here.
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  Thanks for joining us.
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  This is a group of really committed parents who love their
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  kids and who see the value in child-centered play therapy.
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  And many have their children in therapy.
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  So,
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  very much a
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  concerned,
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  loving,
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  attentive group of parents.
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  We're glad you're here.
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  It might be helpful for you to go back and listen to other
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  seasons if you have not and you're new,
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  but season 3 is specifically a parent companion for people considering
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  their children in therapy and or children are already in therapy.
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  All right,
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  so let's dive into self-fulfilling prophecy.
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  You might have heard this phrase.
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  This is not
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  unique just to the psychology field much anymore.
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  It's really become more of a well-known term.
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  Self-fulfilling prophecy
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  is a term that expresses,
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  we are likely to become what others expect us to become.
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  Essentially,
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  if someone consistently tells you,
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  you are capable,
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  you believe that you are capable and become capable,
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  you're an idiot.
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  You believe that you're an idiot and you become an idiot.
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  And so on.
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  So,
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  this works positively and negatively.
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  And most often,
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  I think it's important to note,
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  most often,
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  it's subtle.
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  It's not you're an idiot or you're
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  smart.
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  There are little subtleties that people communicate
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  nonverbally,
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  often
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  with body language,
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  with tone of voice,
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  with attitude,
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  with all kinds of things.
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  that communicate what they expect that person to become.
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  So,
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  let me give some examples.
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  I think often,
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  especially in schools,
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  children become
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  labeled or branded,
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  and I'm air quoting that because
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  essentially what happens is
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  A child struggles for a stretch of time.
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  You know,
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  1 week,
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  2 weeks,
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  3 weeks,
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  and
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  there's no understanding of why the child is struggling.
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  We just,
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  in the school environment,
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  we recognize the child is struggling.
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  Other students in the class don't know.
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  Teachers potentially don't know.
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  Staff does not potentially know
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  that
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  there's a lot of upheaval at home or there's a lot
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  of familial turmoil or someone just died in their family,
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  or a new baby was just born,
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  or whatever.
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  So there's usually a reason.
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  And the child begins to struggle,
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  either emotionally,
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  behaviorally,
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  socially,
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  whatever the scenario,
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  sometimes even academically.
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  And it's very easy for everyone at school.
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  To categorize
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  the child,
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  this is true of human behavior.
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  So this is not a criticism.
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  This is not like,
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  oh gosh,
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  if that's happening at your school,
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  you need to get your kid out of that school.
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  I'm not saying this in a critical way.
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  I'm saying that human behavior is to categorize people.
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  Our brains like things to make sense.
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  So what will happen is we go into a new environment or a new group
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  socially
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  or a new circumstance and our brain wants to go,
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  OK,
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  that one is this,
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  that one is that,
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  that is this,
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  that is that.
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  It's the way we make sense of the world.
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  This is actually a very consistent pattern of behavior.
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  So,
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  sometimes intentionally,
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  more often than not unintentionally,
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  It becomes very easy to say,
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  that's the bad kid.
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  This happens with positive things too.
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  The
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  smartest kid in the class,
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  the one that always knows the answers,
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  always answers the questions,
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  always done with work first.
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  Teacher's favorite.
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  I'm air quoting that again because
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  There's no favorites when you work with children,
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  baloney.
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  But
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  there's everyone in the room knows that's the teacher's
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  favorite and that's the smartest kid in the classroom.
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  Everyone in the room goes,
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  that's the smart kid.
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  That's the athletic kid.
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  That's the musical kid.
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  That's the funny kid.
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  That's the creative kid.
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  That's the quiet kid.
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  That's the mean kid,
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  and so on and so on and so on.
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  So what happens is
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  the child starts to come up against expectations.
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  Because once a child gets labeled or branded as the bad kid,
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  or
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  the mean kid or the aggressive kid,
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  or the crying kid,
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  or the sit in the corner and suck their thumb kid,
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  whatever.
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  What happens is the child is forced to face whether or not
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  they want that to be their identity or not.
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  Am I that kid?
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  Do I want to be that kid?
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  Almost always the answer is no.
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  But self-fulfilling prophecy has pressure
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  that if everyone tells you and believes it
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  and acts as if you are,
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  it's really difficult to combat that.
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  If everyone has an expectation that you're going to flip tables.
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  It's really hard to not flip tables because everyone expects you to do it.
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  And if you say,
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  I don't want to flip tables today.
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  No one knows what to make of you because
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  you're not doing what everyone expects you to do.
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  And that's an extreme scenario.
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  But
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  what about the kid that
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  hasn't talked for eight months?
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  In the academic environment,
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  they haven't said a word,
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  but they really want to talk.
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  But everyone at school
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  and in that classroom says that's the quiet kid.
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  Well,
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  all of a sudden if that child started to speak.
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  It upsets the whole balance because now people are like,
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  wait,
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  you're not the quiet kid anymore.
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  I don't know what to make of this.
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  And there are all kinds of instances of this.
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  This has actually been studied.
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  So if you
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  are really wanting to deep dive this,
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  you can look up the Pygmalion effect.
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  That has been
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  an interesting study that has taken place.
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  You can look up self-fulfilling prophecy studies,
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  lots of research that supports this notion,
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  and
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  it has been proven even when people would argue that they're not susceptible to it.
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  In other words,
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  I would never treat someone the way
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  that someone else
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  said that they were,
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  and therefore I would just assume that's true.
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  I would,
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  I would always see what happens first.
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  Studies have proven that's not true.
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  We do it because it's the way that our brain is wired.
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  We are influenced by labels.
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  We're influenced by what we're told.
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  We're we're influenced by the perceptions that we have.
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  And there's all kinds of references to this
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  in
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  Different avenues.
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  So,
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  in the movie Pretty Woman,
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  she mentions,
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  when you're told you're
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  never going to be anything long enough,
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  you start to believe it.
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  There's a story of someone that was crowned Miss America
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  years ago,
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  and every single day she ran out with her mom to meet the
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  post office worker
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  at the mailbox,
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  and every single day the mailman said to her,
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  there's Miss America.
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  And she became Miss America.
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  So,
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  we have tons and tons and tons of support
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  for this notion.
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  So here's what this means related to therapy.
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  Whether your child's in therapy or not,
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  this can be the therapist,
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  this can be you,
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  this can be anyone in the child's life.
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  When someone
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  unconditionally accepts a child.
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  When someone
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  deeply believes
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  that they are in the process of becoming
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  When someone understands
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  they are working toward becoming a better version of themselves.
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  And all of these points along the way are not the final destination.
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  So even if you're disregulated now,
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  even if you're struggling now,
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  even if you're having a difficult time now.
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  That's not who you are.
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  And I see the capacity in you and I see the capability in you,
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  and I know
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  that you are going to achieve different outcomes
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  because everyone is wired to become a better version of themselves.
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  That's what a child-centered play therapist does,
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  that relationship and that environment
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  that is created.
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  Communicates a self-fulfilling prophecy
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  of you can be anything
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  that you want to be.
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  You can become a completely different version of yourself.
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  In fact,
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  that's what I anticipate you will do.
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  I know that you will become a different version of yourself,
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  a better one,
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  because we're all wired to do that.
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  So when a child comes in labeled the bad kid.
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  That doesn't influence at all what happens in that playroom.
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  We don't see the child as a bad kid.
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  We don't expect them to behave
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  in bad kid ways
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  because
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  that's just a temporary blip on the journey.
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  That's not who they are.
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  And when a child has an adult
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  in their life
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  that treats them that way and sees them that way,
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  the self-fulfilling prophecy is true
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  on the positive too.
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  They believe
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  that I am a problem solver.
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  They believe that I can trust myself.
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  They believe that I can figure things out.
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  They believe that I have what it takes.
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  They believe that I can control myself.
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  They believe that I understand my feelings.
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  And those things become true.
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  So there's so much power in this notion of self-fulfilling prophecy,
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  and
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  often we don't even realize that a
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  child is bound by self-fulfilling prophecy expectations.
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  But it happens all the time.
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  And so,
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  we as parents,
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  as
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  child-centered play therapists in our field,
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  we have the opportunity
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  to communicate to a child,
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  you are
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  becoming someone new,
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  and I believe that you are capable of everything that you want to become.
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  In,
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  in the most
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  positive,
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  healthy,
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  appropriate ways,
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  you can become something else.
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  And when that is expressed to a child,
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  it flips the script on
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  self-fulfilling prophecy.
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  You have to stay disregulated,
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  you have to stay angry,
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  you have to stay aggressive.
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  You have to stay upset.
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  It says
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  you can be anyone that you choose to be.
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  And I will walk this journey with you until you get there
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  with no expectations,
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  of course,
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  but expectancy.
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  I have no expectations that you change.
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  I accept you exactly how you are.
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  But there's an expectancy that you will,
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  because the relationship and the environment are there.
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  So,
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  I hope that that helps you understand self-fulfilling prophecy.
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  I hope that that helps you understand
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  why CCPT is so special
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  because kids are not exposed
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  to that notion often,
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  that
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  I believe the best in you.
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  And when you give people that belief,
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  they rise to the occasion.
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  And that's what we see in kids in CCPT.
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  So,
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  I love y'all.
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  I hope you have a great week.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to
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  the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
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  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.