Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner’s Disastrous I Do Part 2

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Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner’s Disastrous I Do Part 2 · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:17
Speaker 1: Hey, they're folks, and welcome to I Do Partner two
0:22
Speaker 1: and if you got love right the first time around,
0:25
Speaker 1: this podcast ain't the one for you, because this podcast
0:28
Speaker 1: for folks who gave it a second try, third, even
0:31
Speaker 1: fourth sometime your hosts include it. And welcome to this episode.
0:36
Speaker 1: Sitting alongside my partner Amy Roboch here with TJ. Holmes
0:40
Speaker 1: and our guest today. Robes is somebody that I would
0:44
Speaker 1: argue is probably he is, probably has a resume that
0:49
Speaker 1: he could host this show. We could recruit him to
0:52
Speaker 1: be one of our hosts of this show.
0:55
Speaker 2: Absolutely, because we are talking with the original the og
0:59
Speaker 2: Golden Bash, Gary Turner. He has a new book that
1:03
Speaker 2: is out now called Golden Years What I've Learned from Love,
1:07
Speaker 2: Loss and Reality TV. And you are Gary right here.
1:12
Speaker 2: We're looking at you with the new love of your life,
1:15
Speaker 2: your new fiance, Lana.
1:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty awesome.
1:18
Speaker 2: Congratulation, Thank you so much.
1:21
Speaker 3: It's been wonderful.
1:23
Speaker 1: It's been wonderful and wild, I bet because wild, Yes,
1:27
Speaker 1: a lot of emphasis on that, because theres a lot
1:28
Speaker 1: we haven't seen of your life, and we still the
1:32
Speaker 1: things we've seen have been wild. So there's a whole
1:34
Speaker 1: lot more to be told. But can we first and
1:36
Speaker 1: foremost get this out of the way.
1:38
Speaker 3: What is the correct way to say your name? It's Gary, Gary, Gary.
1:42
Speaker 3: The main thing is the hard G Gary. So yeah,
1:45
Speaker 3: if my mom told me I was named after Saint Gerrard, okay,
1:49
Speaker 3: and that I had an Irish name, and technically it's
1:53
Speaker 3: supposed to be Gary Gary. But yeah, you know, you're
1:57
Speaker 3: kind of splitting here.
1:59
Speaker 2: And it's such it's hard enough to get people not
2:01
Speaker 2: to say Jerry, right. You don't want to get too picky, right.
2:04
Speaker 3: And you know, ever since the nuns whacked me on
2:06
Speaker 3: the head when I was in about third grade, I
2:09
Speaker 3: answered it both and I don't make waves about it.
2:11
Speaker 1: It's always a big deal to get somebody's name right.
2:15
Speaker 1: And I think when people see it ge I throws
2:17
Speaker 1: people off and they see it spell. But Gary, it
2:19
Speaker 1: is good to have you in studio. Can we ask
2:22
Speaker 1: for how's your health? How are you physically? Give us
2:24
Speaker 1: an update on how you do?
2:25
Speaker 4: Pretty good?
2:26
Speaker 3: Actually, you know, there's been no change. I keep going
2:30
Speaker 3: to the doctor every six months and getting those blood
2:32
Speaker 3: tests that I'm supposed to get, and as long as
2:35
Speaker 3: I don't have symptoms, I don't have any treatment yet.
2:38
Speaker 2: That's fantastic, it is. And the prognosis. Have they given
2:42
Speaker 2: you an idea about when treatment might have to start
2:45
Speaker 2: at some point?
2:47
Speaker 3: So typically a person can have this disease from three
2:51
Speaker 3: to nine years before they need treatment. The problem is
2:54
Speaker 3: you don't know when to start the clock. So I
2:57
Speaker 3: don't know if they found mine in year three or
3:00
Speaker 3: year seven. But I'm way optimistic, and I have such
3:04
Speaker 3: a good reason to be optimistic now, you know, I'm
3:07
Speaker 3: thinking I got a long time. How do you feel?
3:10
Speaker 3: I mean, you look, I'm sitting here looking at you. You
3:12
Speaker 3: look great, You're upbeat, good energy. But how do you
3:14
Speaker 3: physically feel? The question is always how does a normal
3:17
Speaker 3: seventy four year old guy supposed to feel? Because when
3:20
Speaker 3: you know you have aches and pains, or you have
3:22
Speaker 3: that little grogginess or whatever, it's like, is this normal
3:25
Speaker 3: for my age or is this something else? I choose
3:29
Speaker 3: to think it's just normal for my age. Guy.
3:31
Speaker 2: I love that, you know, because I am a cancer
3:33
Speaker 2: survivor as well, and so when you have anything that
3:36
Speaker 2: feels off, you sometimes go to deaf con five like
3:39
Speaker 2: you start to worry, like this is it? This is
3:42
Speaker 2: the moment when my life changes and I get that.
3:45
Speaker 2: So little things are big things, and it's good to
3:48
Speaker 2: hear you are taking care of yourself and you are
3:51
Speaker 2: making sure you're being monitored.
3:53
Speaker 3: Yeah. Thanks, and it's good that you can relate to that.
3:55
Speaker 3: You kind of get it, you know, I do.
3:57
Speaker 2: I do. It's it's something that when you start RECOGNI
4:00
Speaker 2: that you don't. Your health is the most important thing
4:02
Speaker 2: you could possibly have, and you don't know that until
4:04
Speaker 2: it's taken away from you, right, So.
4:06
Speaker 3: True that is is love helping your health. It's sure
4:11
Speaker 3: helping my outlook on life. I would like to think
4:14
Speaker 3: it transfers over to health. Absolutely.
4:19
Speaker 1: They say that all the time, right, you have something,
4:22
Speaker 1: your upbeat, you are optimistic, you have something to look for,
4:25
Speaker 1: you have years you want now, and that's different and
4:28
Speaker 1: it can help health.
4:29
Speaker 3: That is perfectly said. Every day you get up and
4:32
Speaker 3: you go, oh, I get another day with Lana. I
4:35
Speaker 3: get another day of adventure and excitement. I mean, really,
4:38
Speaker 3: we've known each other for getting really close to eight months.
4:42
Speaker 3: Every single day has been a riot, and every day
4:46
Speaker 3: is full of smiles. I don't think I've ever met
4:49
Speaker 3: a more positive, energetic person. She won't allow me to
4:53
Speaker 3: get down.
4:54
Speaker 2: We can't wait to get into the book because you
4:57
Speaker 2: don't hold anything back. But I do want to ask
4:59
Speaker 2: one more thing, because I have to say, for anyone
5:01
Speaker 2: who can't see your face right now, who's just listening,
5:04
Speaker 2: you are eminate, like you are radiating love and positivity
5:09
Speaker 2: and joy, and it really is infectious and beautiful to see.
5:12
Speaker 2: So like, truly congratulations. You can tell you are happy?
5:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am really exca.
5:19
Speaker 2: You are joyful? Can you tell us for people who
5:22
Speaker 2: haven't been keeping up? Because you mentioned you and Lana
5:25
Speaker 2: have known each other for eight months, a lot of
5:26
Speaker 2: folks the last they've heard of you was you were
5:29
Speaker 2: in the middle of a dealing with a three month
5:32
Speaker 2: marriage that you were getting divorced from, and all of
5:36
Speaker 2: a sudden, now you've got beautiful Lana in your life
5:38
Speaker 2: and you're preparing actually to get married for the third time.
5:42
Speaker 2: How did this all happen so quickly?
5:45
Speaker 3: Ooh, that's really a good question, you know. I like
5:48
Speaker 3: to think that the show's premise worked, probably some divine
5:54
Speaker 3: intervention in there that put the two of us in
5:56
Speaker 3: the right spot at the right time. But I think
6:00
Speaker 3: if you don't give up, you still keep heart, you
6:03
Speaker 3: keep hope you keep humor in your life. Good things happen,
6:07
Speaker 3: you get to the spot where you're supposed to be,
6:09
Speaker 3: and you know, a little praise to above. You know
6:12
Speaker 3: that helps a lot. So that's kind of where I'm.
6:14
Speaker 1: At with it connect those dots for us the show
6:17
Speaker 1: and how it relates to you now, the divine intervention
6:21
Speaker 1: you talk about that led to you being engaged.
6:24
Speaker 4: Where did God come into play? I guess?
6:26
Speaker 1: And getting from proposal and a marriage we all saw
6:31
Speaker 1: to us sitting in a room now with you and
6:33
Speaker 1: your fiance.
6:34
Speaker 3: So you know, the conversation that Lanna and I have
6:37
Speaker 3: had a couple of times is look at all the instances, consequence,
6:43
Speaker 3: ar mean, coincidences, everything that had to happen in the
6:47
Speaker 3: right sequence for us to have met on you know,
6:52
Speaker 3: March seventh of this year, to meet each other in
6:56
Speaker 3: such a magical way, and it's like you look back
6:59
Speaker 3: and it's like I wouldn't have been where I was
7:02
Speaker 3: at had I not been on the show. She would
7:04
Speaker 3: not have known of me.
7:05
Speaker 2: Landa reached out to you via Facebook? Is that what happened?
7:08
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, kind of, you know, after I realized she
7:11
Speaker 3: wasn't a stalker, I took her a little more seriously.
7:13
Speaker 4: How long did that take? Did it feel?
7:15
Speaker 1: Stalker is for a while, About a New York minute,
7:21
Speaker 1: not very long.
7:23
Speaker 2: So she reaches out, you realize that she's the real deal,
7:26
Speaker 2: and how long before you actually met in person? And
7:28
Speaker 2: then you realize she was the one?
7:31
Speaker 3: So it wasn't very long. It was several days. You know,
7:33
Speaker 3: there's no sense in putting it off, you know, TikTok,
7:36
Speaker 3: TikTok when you're seventy something. And so she reached out.
7:40
Speaker 3: We kind of realized that neither of us were being catfished.
7:45
Speaker 3: And you know, from her perspective, I think it was
7:48
Speaker 3: more than mine. She really wasn't sure I was the
7:51
Speaker 3: real guy. In fact, to try and prove to her,
7:54
Speaker 3: I went out in my garage and I took a
7:56
Speaker 3: picture of my license plate in my car, and my
8:00
Speaker 3: license plate is GLD batch Bach and I go, I'm
8:06
Speaker 3: really the guy, and she goes, that picture could have
8:10
Speaker 3: come from anywhere.
8:12
Speaker 4: Who would do that.
8:14
Speaker 3: So, after we vetted each other it it got to
8:17
Speaker 3: the point where I said, okay, let's meet for dinner,
8:20
Speaker 3: because that's what she threw out. She said, really, the
8:23
Speaker 3: only way you're going to convince me that you're really
8:25
Speaker 3: the Golden Bachelor is to meet me in person. I go, damn,
8:29
Speaker 3: I'm done. Then that's what we're doing.
8:31
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, she reaches out to you and then
8:33
Speaker 4: you have to prove who you are.
8:34
Speaker 3: What is that?
8:35
Speaker 4: Does that make?
8:36
Speaker 3: Thank you?
8:37
Speaker 4: Thank you?
8:37
Speaker 1: But okay, brought that up over all, Right, he's some
8:43
Speaker 1: male based factor driven logic around here.
8:45
Speaker 4: Yes, that doesn't make any sense.
8:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, what was that dinner?
8:59
Speaker 3: Like? Oh man, I you know, I really can't overstate this.
9:06
Speaker 3: I was at the restaurant Vestibule a little bit early
9:09
Speaker 3: waiting for her, and when she showed up, it was like,
9:13
Speaker 3: oh my god, this is it. She's tall, she's elegant,
9:17
Speaker 3: she carried herself well, she looks gorgeous, and you know,
9:21
Speaker 3: the dinner was just amazing.
9:25
Speaker 4: She showed up.
9:26
Speaker 3: I was so impressed. I gotta I gotta tell you this.
9:28
Speaker 3: I was so impressed because early on in the dinner,
9:32
Speaker 3: you know, I had told her that I had cancer
9:36
Speaker 3: and she looks at me and she goes, you know,
9:37
Speaker 3: I've already done the research. I know all about it.
9:39
Speaker 3: You're fine, that's not an issue with me. Yeah. She
9:43
Speaker 3: brought a little plaque that said, you miss one hundred
9:46
Speaker 3: percent of the shots that you don't take. Okay, I
9:51
Speaker 3: mean she's presenting this to me at the dinner, and
9:55
Speaker 3: finally she gave me a condolence card because my father
9:58
Speaker 3: had passed away about six the days prior. So I'm
10:01
Speaker 3: going this woman has really a nice heart. And so
10:07
Speaker 3: she was clear with me. She goes, I have a
10:08
Speaker 3: five date rule, so don't get too excited. And I said, well,
10:13
Speaker 3: can I ask you out for the second date on
10:16
Speaker 3: the first night? And I said, you know, after dinner
10:18
Speaker 3: we go to dairy queen?
10:20
Speaker 4: Can that count as two days?
10:23
Speaker 3: She didn't go for it, but we did spend extra
10:26
Speaker 3: time after dinner together, so it was I'm telling you,
10:29
Speaker 3: it was magical. We talked, we realized how much we
10:34
Speaker 3: had in common with our Midwest background and our beliefs
10:37
Speaker 3: and our values and our kids. She has two daughters
10:41
Speaker 3: and a son, and I have two daughters, and we've
10:44
Speaker 3: mixed the families already, and it's hard to believe how
10:47
Speaker 3: well they get along. It's pretty much a laugh riot.
10:51
Speaker 2: Isn't it incredible when you've had the perspective of things
10:55
Speaker 2: going well and things not going well, going through heartbreak
10:59
Speaker 2: and heartache, and then all of a sudden when things
11:01
Speaker 2: line up, you know in a way you didn't before
11:04
Speaker 2: or you couldn't have.
11:05
Speaker 3: Oh, that is so true, because you know, I spent
11:09
Speaker 3: all of that time on the show looking for a
11:11
Speaker 3: feeling and trying to force it and trying to create it,
11:15
Speaker 3: and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I didn't
11:18
Speaker 3: have to force it. I didn't have to create it.
11:20
Speaker 3: It was just there. And it is like, I mean,
11:25
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here right now, there's a little bit of chill.
11:27
Speaker 3: It's like it's really really good.
11:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you all can hear to our listeners here.
11:32
Speaker 1: There's sometimes I say this, sometimes I can hear you
11:34
Speaker 1: smiling through the phone, and I'm sure if you all
11:36
Speaker 1: anybody's listening, you can hear him smiling as he's talking.
11:40
Speaker 1: It is very cool to see to your first date
11:43
Speaker 1: were you You mentioned the clock ticking? Right, you understand
11:45
Speaker 1: the clock taking? What am I waiting around for? How
11:48
Speaker 1: do you balance? I guess the clock was ticking while
11:50
Speaker 1: you were doing the show as well. Do you try
11:53
Speaker 1: to balance? Okay, the clock is ticking, but I also
11:55
Speaker 1: do need to be in a need to be in
11:56
Speaker 1: a hurry and do something because I just was in
11:59
Speaker 1: a hurry and did something, feeling the pressure of the
12:01
Speaker 1: moment and all this. So how did you still at
12:04
Speaker 1: seventy four go, wait, maybe I shouldn't rush it, but
12:07
Speaker 1: this is it and I need to get off the pop.
12:09
Speaker 3: So on the show, I didn't have any control over
12:12
Speaker 3: the velocity of what was happening. You know, that was
12:15
Speaker 3: going to happen, whether I liked it or not, and
12:18
Speaker 3: those things, the energy and the flow of it. But
12:22
Speaker 3: back in the real world, once I got there, things changed,
12:26
Speaker 3: and you know, I was very despondent after the divorce.
12:31
Speaker 3: I thought, man, after forty three years of success, I
12:34
Speaker 3: did something that was a real failure, you know, and
12:37
Speaker 3: I felt personally responsible for that failure. I'd failed myself
12:42
Speaker 3: and my own values and what I believed in and
12:44
Speaker 3: so forth. So it took me quite some time to
12:47
Speaker 3: get over that. But once I put my mind back
12:52
Speaker 3: on the right track and became more positive about things,
12:55
Speaker 3: and then you know, Atlanta shows up, then it became timeless.
12:59
Speaker 3: There was no timeline involved. It was just one thing happened,
13:03
Speaker 3: and then the next thing happened and so forth, and
13:07
Speaker 3: really we didn't even think about the time lapse and
13:12
Speaker 3: the age and all of that.
13:14
Speaker 1: You said something I know a lot of our listeners
13:16
Speaker 1: and me as well, I would be curious to hear
13:18
Speaker 1: you talked about the divorce, seeing it as a failure.
13:21
Speaker 1: You said it took you a while to get over it.
13:22
Speaker 1: How did you Because a lot of people do feel like, well,
13:24
Speaker 1: I can't give this up because then it will look
13:27
Speaker 1: then I did something wrong.
13:29
Speaker 5: I failed in this. How did you get past that feeling?
13:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not even sure I have a good answer
13:34
Speaker 3: for that. You know, you'd self evaluate, you'd go back
13:38
Speaker 3: and realize, Okay, Fundamentally, the mistake I made going into
13:43
Speaker 3: that show was that I was coming out with my partner.
13:48
Speaker 3: It was never an option for me to come out
13:52
Speaker 3: empty handed, so to speak, that I wouldn't have my partner.
13:55
Speaker 3: That I believed in the vetting that ABC had done
13:58
Speaker 3: with the contestants, and I believed in it everything that
14:00
Speaker 3: was leading up to that. So I my own mistake,
14:05
Speaker 3: the fundamental mistake, was not believing that I could walk
14:09
Speaker 3: out of there without someone.
14:11
Speaker 2: Did you feel pressure to do that? Was it personal pressure?
14:14
Speaker 2: Did you feel pressure from the show, from the fans,
14:17
Speaker 2: from the audience that was.
14:19
Speaker 3: Really a personal pressure. And then you know, there is
14:22
Speaker 3: a chapter in the book that talks about drinking from
14:25
Speaker 3: the fire hydrant, and you know, certainly that is a pressure,
14:28
Speaker 3: but it's something you put on yourself. There's such high
14:34
Speaker 3: expectations going into that environment, and not expectations that someone
14:41
Speaker 3: is placing on you, but from within. And you know
14:45
Speaker 3: when you fail at those expectations at the end, and
14:49
Speaker 3: you've not done a great job of evaluating your own
14:53
Speaker 3: life and the love life that you've joined with someone else,
14:57
Speaker 3: and I screwed up SoC.
15:00
Speaker 1: And I've heard had several people describe how you describe
15:04
Speaker 1: the feeling you had either the night before you propose
15:07
Speaker 1: and all these things, and it was what was the
15:09
Speaker 1: Heather was just telling us like you felt empty, even
15:13
Speaker 1: like you're seeing during the proposal. Can you take us
15:17
Speaker 1: back to for a second, because people get cold feet, right,
15:21
Speaker 1: it sounded like and you maybe you tell us, was
15:24
Speaker 1: it beyond just cold feet and being nervous? What did
15:27
Speaker 1: it feel like when you were about to make that
15:29
Speaker 1: decision and about to propose. Did you just know this
15:33
Speaker 1: ain't right? Or was it just normal I'm a little nervous.
15:36
Speaker 3: So to set the stage a little bit give us
15:39
Speaker 3: some context. Remember, the night before I proposed to Teresa
15:44
Speaker 3: was a very emotional night because of Leslie, And those
15:48
Speaker 3: were the feelings that were really overriding everything else that
15:52
Speaker 3: I had done the wrong thing, that I hadn't handled
15:56
Speaker 3: the Leslie's situation properly. And I do remember how emotional
16:02
Speaker 3: that was, and telling myself, Hey, you've got to get
16:05
Speaker 3: your head straight because twelve hours from now you're going
16:08
Speaker 3: to be standing in front of another woman asking her
16:11
Speaker 3: to marry you again. Would you give me an Oh
16:15
Speaker 3: my god, for me too?
16:16
Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, that's that's too much. It's like, yeah, oh wow.
16:21
Speaker 3: So it's really it's tough. It's really really a difficult situation.
16:36
Speaker 2: How much harder was it to be the Golden Bachelor
16:41
Speaker 2: than you thought it was going to be?
16:42
Speaker 3: Oh? Man, I never no one's ever asked me that question.
16:46
Speaker 3: It was way harder than I ever thought it was
16:49
Speaker 3: going to be. I thought it was going to be
16:51
Speaker 3: unicorns and butterflies and everything great, and man it was
16:55
Speaker 3: it was work. It was work, And I don't mean
16:58
Speaker 3: that in a negative way. I mean that it was
17:02
Speaker 3: a job and you had to throw yourself into it,
17:05
Speaker 3: and you had to give it everything you had, and
17:08
Speaker 3: you had to go buy someone else's rules, You had
17:10
Speaker 3: to give up control of your own life. There was
17:13
Speaker 3: a lot. There was a lot, and but again I
17:17
Speaker 3: go back to the belief that it was like, all
17:20
Speaker 3: this is going to be worth it. I'm going to
17:21
Speaker 3: find my person at the end of these episodes. I'm
17:25
Speaker 3: going to be in the best place possible. And then
17:29
Speaker 3: that doesn't quite get there.
17:31
Speaker 4: It didn't.
17:31
Speaker 2: And then the aftermath, what was the public scrutiny like
17:34
Speaker 2: for you personally?
17:35
Speaker 3: Oh, it sucked the the you know, part of that
17:39
Speaker 3: failure is I also felt like, in the face of
17:42
Speaker 3: my daughters that I had let them down and all
17:45
Speaker 3: the things as a dad that I had preached, you know,
17:48
Speaker 3: all those principles, and then afterwards the the media scrutiny
17:56
Speaker 3: was so critical and so lops I did. And that
18:01
Speaker 3: was part of the beginning of the thought of the book.
18:03
Speaker 3: It's like, no, you're not seeing the whole picture. You're
18:06
Speaker 3: not seeing this in balance. There was two people that
18:09
Speaker 3: made this decision, not one. It wasn't like I imposed
18:14
Speaker 3: my will on this decision. We talked about it. We
18:19
Speaker 3: agreed that this is what was best for us, and
18:23
Speaker 3: so yeah, I wanted. I wanted the whole story to
18:25
Speaker 3: be told.
18:26
Speaker 1: But why did we miss that story in the first place?
18:30
Speaker 1: Is it, really, in your opinion, just the way a
18:33
Speaker 1: couple of tabloids it takes off and you can't stop it.
18:37
Speaker 1: Or was there someone feeding this machine, if you will,
18:40
Speaker 1: that storyline.
18:41
Speaker 3: That would maybe be for someone else to judge other
18:44
Speaker 3: than me.
18:44
Speaker 4: Oh no, we got you here, so you.
18:49
Speaker 3: I think there were some influences that allowed it to
18:53
Speaker 3: go that way. And you know, that's where I felt
18:56
Speaker 3: quite a bit of betrayal. You know, Teresa and I
18:59
Speaker 3: the day before we were interviewed with Juju Chang and
19:03
Speaker 3: announced that we were going to be divorced. We solemnly
19:06
Speaker 3: agree that we're going to look out for each other,
19:08
Speaker 3: and I think that was the noble thing to do
19:09
Speaker 3: on both of our parts. Part of that agreement was
19:12
Speaker 3: that neither of us would put out a unilateral statement.
19:16
Speaker 3: ABC suggested that would be a very good idea, just
19:20
Speaker 3: stay quiet. Forty eight hours later, Terrace is putting out
19:24
Speaker 3: a public statement. Boy, and I'm going come on, that's
19:28
Speaker 3: not what you know, that's not in our best interest,
19:32
Speaker 3: our mutual best interest.
19:34
Speaker 2: There you go, mutual?
19:35
Speaker 5: Yeah, did you get a heads up the other state
19:37
Speaker 5: was coming on?
19:38
Speaker 3: No? No, no, huh no. So I really thought we
19:41
Speaker 3: had set the stage as best we could to weather
19:45
Speaker 3: the storm, take the blows, and then move on. And
19:49
Speaker 3: then it turned out that wasn't the way it happened.
19:52
Speaker 2: And as we know, just from being members of the
19:54
Speaker 2: media and certainly having our own firestorm of stories being
19:58
Speaker 2: written about us that weren't true at all, once that
20:02
Speaker 2: train leaves the station, it's almost impossible to stop it.
20:06
Speaker 2: So a lot of folks believe your divorce with Teresa
20:09
Speaker 2: was because of your cancer diagnosis. There's a lot of
20:12
Speaker 2: finger pointing. Can you clear up? And I know you
20:14
Speaker 2: do in the book, but for the listeners right now,
20:16
Speaker 2: and the details are there and they're fascinating. Why did
20:20
Speaker 2: you and Teresa get divorced?
20:22
Speaker 3: Well, when real life hit us and on the show,
20:28
Speaker 3: you know, she had mentioned in that last dinner before
20:31
Speaker 3: the Fantasy Suites that when she found the right guy,
20:34
Speaker 3: she was ready to quit her job. That really changed
20:38
Speaker 3: my thinking about her because before that I had always
20:42
Speaker 3: wondered about that particular factor because I wanted to travel
20:45
Speaker 3: and I wanted to adventure, and I knew that I
20:48
Speaker 3: was getting to the later parts of the fourth quarter
20:50
Speaker 3: of my life, and I wanted to capture a lot
20:52
Speaker 3: of the things that I was never able to do.
20:54
Speaker 3: And so then after the show was over and we
20:58
Speaker 3: get into our conversations about marriage and what's going to happen,
21:02
Speaker 3: and she continued she would continue to go back to
21:05
Speaker 3: the statement that I want to work for another year now.
21:09
Speaker 3: To a guy twenty five years old, another year may
21:11
Speaker 3: not seem like march to a guy like seventy five. Again,
21:14
Speaker 3: I gotta go TikTok, TikTok, TikTok. What percentage of my
21:18
Speaker 3: remaining years is another year? And so that became a
21:22
Speaker 3: real point of contention. We worked on where we could
21:27
Speaker 3: possibly live, and she was pretty outspoken about not liking
21:31
Speaker 3: the Midwest and Indiana at all, and quite honestly, I
21:35
Speaker 3: wasn't a big fan of New Jersey. I thought it
21:37
Speaker 3: was a great place to go and spend some time,
21:39
Speaker 3: but I didn't want to be a personal or permanent
21:42
Speaker 3: person for there.
21:43
Speaker 5: And you're not alone.
21:44
Speaker 1: We get it's New Jersey. I love you New Jersey,
21:48
Speaker 1: but it's not the first time we've heard.
21:49
Speaker 5: Something like that.
21:50
Speaker 3: So that's that was really where it began is that
21:55
Speaker 3: I looked at the things that I had expected not happening,
22:00
Speaker 3: and that ven diagram, that ven diagram has no overlap. Okay,
22:04
Speaker 3: she's either working or she's able to travel, and it
22:09
Speaker 3: didn't happen.
22:11
Speaker 5: That was just the beginning.
22:12
Speaker 1: I mean, I just made me think about my dad,
22:14
Speaker 1: who's been talking about retiring for the past ten years.
22:16
Speaker 1: I'm going to retire, and literally it has been a
22:18
Speaker 1: decade and he is not getting any younger. He's seventy eight.
22:21
Speaker 1: Did you think it was possible? Again, we're talking about
22:24
Speaker 1: one year. Some people might hear that and say, well,
22:25
Speaker 1: you can't handle a year if you love her, blah
22:27
Speaker 1: blah blah. Was that the concern? It sounds like that
22:30
Speaker 1: was the jumping off point to many other issues.
22:32
Speaker 3: It was. It was, quite honestly, And you know, you
22:36
Speaker 3: look at some of the things that you value, and
22:40
Speaker 3: I guess my definition of intimacy and the sharing of
22:45
Speaker 3: feelings and the sharing of planning and the joy of
22:48
Speaker 3: food and all these things were absent. And it's like,
22:53
Speaker 3: so when you crystallize one point and you start thinking
22:56
Speaker 3: about all these other things that don't quite work. To me,
23:00
Speaker 3: I was led to an inevitable conclusion of how that
23:04
Speaker 3: was going to play out.
23:06
Speaker 1: I was about to ask you to give some advice
23:08
Speaker 1: to other people out there who, look, you had to
23:12
Speaker 1: make a pretty brave choice, one to get married and
23:16
Speaker 1: then to get to think that I can still This
23:20
Speaker 1: isn't what I should be doing, even at this age,
23:21
Speaker 1: and I don't have to settle. There are a lot
23:23
Speaker 1: of folks in their thirties, hell late twenties, forties, been
23:27
Speaker 1: in marriages for a long time, who have this feeling
23:30
Speaker 1: there's nothing else out there for me. I need to
23:32
Speaker 1: stay here. I'm embarrassed to do this. What would you
23:35
Speaker 1: say to those people? A lot of them we have
23:37
Speaker 1: in this core audience here. I'm not encouraging people to
23:40
Speaker 1: go run out and leave your marriage. I'm not saying that.
23:43
Speaker 1: But there are some people who are in positions like
23:45
Speaker 1: you were, who don't take what many would see as
23:48
Speaker 1: a brave and courageous step to get out of something
23:51
Speaker 1: so that you could have a better, fulfilling, happy life.
23:55
Speaker 5: What do you say to those people facing that kind
23:57
Speaker 5: of challenge.
23:58
Speaker 3: So that's a really, really good observation. I think the
24:02
Speaker 3: whole setup that you gave that question is really on point.
24:08
Speaker 3: When you commit yourself to a relationship and Lant is
24:12
Speaker 3: sitting right here and it's like, it's so great to
24:15
Speaker 3: work on that relationship and it's rewarding and fulfilling, but
24:18
Speaker 3: they're not all going to be good days, and there's
24:21
Speaker 3: going to be days where you have to say, I
24:23
Speaker 3: got to work on this. You know, we've found an
24:25
Speaker 3: area we need to resolve a conflict or friction. And
24:30
Speaker 3: if you've done all that work and you have to
24:34
Speaker 3: do it over and over and over again, all of
24:37
Speaker 3: a sudden, you got to go. Life is supposed to
24:40
Speaker 3: be joyful. I mean, really, I believe that life is
24:43
Speaker 3: supposed to be joyful. We always have to pay our dues,
24:46
Speaker 3: we have to work, we have to do the things
24:48
Speaker 3: that are necessary. But we find joy in our kids,
24:52
Speaker 3: in our relationships and all the things we do, our activities.
24:56
Speaker 3: And if you're not finding joy, you need to change
24:59
Speaker 3: something thing. And if you look at yourself and you go,
25:04
Speaker 3: you know what, I'm pretty happy with who I am.
25:07
Speaker 3: I don't think I need to do the changing. I
25:10
Speaker 3: think my environment or my circumstances is what needs to
25:13
Speaker 3: be changed. Do the right thing, the right do the
25:18
Speaker 3: courageous thing. And once you decide, don't freaking drag your feet.
25:23
Speaker 3: That's That's one of the things that I feel strongly
25:26
Speaker 3: about is when you know you've made the right decision,
25:29
Speaker 3: follow through on it.
25:31
Speaker 1: Wow, that is really from a personal standpoint, that is
25:35
Speaker 1: wonderful to hear. We talk a lot about relationships here.
25:38
Speaker 1: We dealt with a lot in our own relationships. Look,
25:40
Speaker 1: we got four divorces between the two of us sitting here,
25:43
Speaker 1: and so to hear that is encouraging and we will
25:47
Speaker 1: take every time we come in here robes these podcasts
25:50
Speaker 1: turn into something else. We have one plan to talk
25:52
Speaker 1: about a book, and all of a sudden we have
25:54
Speaker 1: a therapy session and we walk out of here better
25:56
Speaker 1: people than we were when we walked in. So personally,
25:59
Speaker 1: thank you, we really appreciate it.
26:00
Speaker 2: And it's your willingness to share your story and to
26:03
Speaker 2: be vulnerable and to be transparent that really does help
26:06
Speaker 2: other people who are on similar or adjacent paths, who
26:10
Speaker 2: feel shame or feel like they can't do what they
26:12
Speaker 2: want to do, or don't feel empowered to see and
26:15
Speaker 2: hear your story matters.
26:17
Speaker 1: Oh and we are just getting started with mister Turner.
26:21
Speaker 1: We got so much more to get into with him
26:24
Speaker 1: that you know what, we thought. We'd split this up
26:26
Speaker 1: into two conversations, so please make sure you tune in.
26:29
Speaker 1: We will be posting another part two of our conversation
26:32
Speaker 1: with mister Gary Turner