Latest / Remember Why You Are Here / Set Boundaries to Create New Worlds
Transcript
- 0:02Boundaries are not acts of separation.
- 0:04They're acts of devotion to the life that you came here to create,
- 0:08the life that you came here to tend. Through setting that boundary,
- 0:12you are creating a new world.
- 0:23Hello and welcome back to Remember Why you're here,
- 0:27a podcast for seekers and sensitives where you can relax, receive,
- 0:31reconnect to yourself and remember the most important thing of all,
- 0:35why you're here. I'm Asia Souler, author,
- 0:39earth intuitive teacher. And in this episode today,
- 0:42we're going to explore something that I really think has the ability to change
- 0:47the world if we all just actually allow ourselves to have them.
- 0:52And that is boundaries. So in this episode today,
- 0:56we're specifically exploring how you setting boundaries in your life
- 1:01is a force that can create new worlds.
- 1:05And I think that this is something we all deeply need at this
- 1:10time on our planet, both personally and collectively.
- 1:13So I'm really excited to dive in. Before we go any deeper,
- 1:17I wanted to give you a heads up that my flagship program, Earth Angel School,
- 1:22a 12 week spiritual school for Sensitives is currently open for enrollment and
- 1:27only opens once a year. And the Early Bird Prize is ending next Monday,
- 1:31March 30th. So if you've been waiting all year for this opportunity,
- 1:35if you know this is something that is right for you,
- 1:39definitely head on over to asiasular.com/earthangelschool and check it out.
- 1:44This groundbreaking spiritual school was designed to help you as a sensitive and
- 1:49empath reconnect to your soul's purpose through understanding who you actually
- 1:54are, how you actually work, and why you are here.
- 1:58It's a really unique blend of spiritual studies,
- 2:02nervous system science, somatic healing, earth magic,
- 2:07and this specific kind of awareness that can only come in through
- 2:13deep, intuitive work.
- 2:14All of these gateways open up when you step through the door into this
- 2:19course.
- 2:20It's a beautiful amalgamation that was designed to help you build real life
- 2:24skills that allow you to come fully and completely into your
- 2:29gifts in this lifetime to change the way you feel
- 2:34about being alive. So if you're interested in that,
- 2:38I would love to journey with you there.
- 2:40It's my most intimate offering by far.
- 2:43We'd get to hang out every single week,
- 2:46and there's the opportunity at the end of the program if you'd like to join me
- 2:49for a very intimate, personal,
- 2:52in- person retreat here in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
- 2:55So I'm really excited about being able to do that in- person work with such an
- 2:59incredible group of sensitives. All right. With that,
- 3:03let's hop into our podcast episode for today.
- 3:08First, I want to define what boundaries are because often I think,
- 3:13especially for us sensitives and empaths,
- 3:15we hear the word boundaries and we hear hardness, we hear rigidity,
- 3:21we hear rupture, but that's not what boundaries are.
- 3:24Boundaries are a clear recognition of where your responsibility
- 3:29ends and someone else's begins.
- 3:32It is your boundaries.
- 3:35Are you recognizing the natural edges of your own energy,
- 3:39which also means recognizing what is your responsibility and what is not,
- 3:44and how to take care of your life force.
- 3:47This is what boundaries are at their heart.
- 3:49They are beautiful layers, beautiful boundaries,
- 3:53beautiful interstitial zones we create so that we can continue to cultivate our
- 3:58own life force so that the force that we have within us is able to
- 4:03accumulate and blossom in this world.
- 4:07So boundaries are not something you impose upon another person.
- 4:11It's something you're clear about within yourself.
- 4:14And this is a big update that I think us sensitives and empaths really,
- 4:18really need because setting boundaries is just very hard for us.
- 4:22I'm going to talk about why in just a minute,
- 4:24but a lot of that has to do with this story that this is something that we are
- 4:28imposing upon other people.
- 4:29This is something that we are doing to other people when really it's just
- 4:33something that we're getting clear on inside of ourselves.
- 4:36Within a relational context,
- 4:38boundaries are our clarity and our understanding around what we need in
- 4:43order to feel safe and comfortable inside of relating, inside of relationships,
- 4:48what we need in order for our own life force to be
- 4:53safeguarded, our own life force to continue to flow and be nourished.
- 4:57So I like to say this and repeat this like ad infinitum for my fellow
- 5:02sensitives, but boundaries are not about keeping people out,
- 5:06it's about keeping you in.
- 5:09And this is so important for all my empaths out there,
- 5:14all my sensitives,
- 5:15because what we tend to do when we struggle with boundaries is we
- 5:19overgive, we overflow,
- 5:22we frack our own energy and nervous system and just give it out to the point
- 5:26where we have nothing left or we're even in the negative.
- 5:30So boundaries are not about keeping other people out. It's about keeping you in.
- 5:34You're setting boundaries,
- 5:36not because you want distance or you're trying to abandon people.
- 5:41You're setting boundaries because that's what helps you stay within your
- 5:46energy.
- 5:47Your life force is what helps your life force to actually flow into this
- 5:52world. Ultimately,
- 5:54this is about a stewardship of that energy that each of us are born with,
- 5:59that each of us is here to be a channel for. And when you set boundaries,
- 6:04what you're doing is you're actually allowing that channel,
- 6:07the integrity of that channel to stay intact so that the energy you are meant to
- 6:12bring into this world to help this world shift can actually flow and
- 6:17be available for what it is here to touch and move and amplify.
- 6:23And I think it's really important for us to remember that life is possible
- 6:26because of boundaries.
- 6:28Boundaries are what make life on earth what it is.
- 6:33It's why we come here to experience this planet is to have a self and interact
- 6:38with other selves. And that dissolves,
- 6:41that becomes impossible when there are no boundaries.
- 6:46And so I think this is something too,
- 6:48for those of us who are sensitive and who are just innately connected into
- 6:52spiritual reality that we have to remind ourselves of constantly,
- 6:56like we are here on this planet to have a self and this self is here to
- 7:01interact with other selves and we can be caring, we can be compassionate,
- 7:06we can be generous,
- 7:07we can be all of those things and still have boundaries that maintain
- 7:12the sanctity of ourself, our energy, and our life force.
- 7:17So you see boundaries everywhere you look in the natural world.
- 7:20Cell membranes have boundaries.
- 7:22These boundaries can either be too rigid nor too flexible.
- 7:25They have to be this beautiful in between in order for that cell to continue to
- 7:30function and be who it is.
- 7:32A forest has boundaries and often it's the boundary line actually between where
- 7:36two landscapes meet, where the forest meets the meadow,
- 7:40where the richest diversity lives inside of an ecosystem.
- 7:44These are called these interstitial zones.
- 7:46And these interstitial zones like a tidal marsh, for example,
- 7:50are places where we tend to find more abundance,
- 7:53more diversity and more potential for life.
- 7:56And that's because there's a boundary between these two places that make these
- 8:00two places separate and distinct. In my book,
- 8:04Mirrors and the Earth, I talk about boundaries as cultivating a garden.
- 8:09You can't have a garden without boundaries. If there's no boundaries,
- 8:12there's no garden.
- 8:13Your life is a garden and you get to decide what you want to
- 8:18plant in it.
- 8:19That's the deal.That's part of the parcel of coming here is we get
- 8:24this garden that is our body, our creativity, our life force, our attention,
- 8:30and we get to decide, what do I want to do with this?
- 8:33What do I want to plant here? And ultimately,
- 8:36the garden that you are on this planet is increasing and adding to the overall
- 8:40diversity and potential of this earth.
- 8:44And so it's very important that you set those boundaries,
- 8:48you make those decisions, because if we don't,
- 8:51then we lose the ability to cultivate what we are here to cultivate with our own
- 8:55energy and life force.
- 8:56We lose the ability to become gardeners who bring flowers of potential to this
- 9:01planet.
- 9:02So let's talk about some kinds of boundaries before we drop into
- 9:07how you know if you need them and guidance on how to create these boundaries in
- 9:12your life. So there are energy boundaries.
- 9:15These are boundaries about who and what gets access to your nervous system.
- 9:20Energy boundaries are harder to pinpoint than some other boundaries.
- 9:25And yet for sensitives and empaths,
- 9:28energetic boundaries are often the place where we're most wobbly.
- 9:33We might be able to state that we're not available to lend someone money or
- 9:38not available on a certain night to hang out.
- 9:40But when it comes to the energetic boundaries of being in someone's presence,
- 9:45we often get a little thrown off here of like, where am I putting my energy?
- 9:50Where am I caretaking with my own nervous system?
- 9:54Who is getting access to my nervous system right now?
- 9:58So this also goes in line with emotional boundaries.
- 10:01Emotional boundaries are what feelings belong to you and what feelings belong to
- 10:05others. And I often find when our energetic boundaries are wobbly,
- 10:09these emotional boundaries disappear completely. And the thing is,
- 10:13as sensitives, as empaths,
- 10:15we are built to feel other people's feelings.
- 10:19We literally have more mirror neurons firing in our brain than the average
- 10:23person.
- 10:24And so it's hardwired into us to have a high degree of empathy.
- 10:30And because of this,
- 10:31those emotional boundaries are probably something that we need to work on,
- 10:36especially as adults, to recognize what is mine and what is not.
- 10:40What I often find with emotional boundaries is that they need physical space,
- 10:45that taking physical space from people is really important.
- 10:48And I'm not just talking about removing yourself from their presence,
- 10:52but I'm also talking about turning off notifications on your phone,
- 10:56not taking that phone call, not returning that email,
- 10:58taking just a little bit of space,
- 11:00a pause so that you can start to examine what is mine and what is not.
- 11:04Where are the emotional boundaries here?
- 11:07Because there's also often a interface where if
- 11:12you are taking on other people's feelings,
- 11:14it's probably because they're in some state of dysregulation.
- 11:18And some part of you believes that it is your job to take that on and fix
- 11:23it, to create regulation by self-abandoning,
- 11:27by overgiving,
- 11:28by overriding your own capacity in order to regulate them in whatever
- 11:34way you possibly can, and therefore create more regulation in the environment.
- 11:38It's a noble endeavor, bless us for doing this,
- 11:42and that's not our job. And ultimately,
- 11:46taking some space can help you see that.
- 11:49This will also help you see your attention boundaries.
- 11:53So what is in your mind? What are you giving your attention to?
- 11:58And this is huge right now. This is, I think,
- 12:03one of the most important lessons that's coming up right now for sensitives,
- 12:06for empaths, is what are you allowing into your consciousness?
- 12:11What are you allowing into your mind?
- 12:13And often we have this sense inside of us that if we
- 12:18are not attuned to everything that's going on in the world,
- 12:22every disaster in the world, then we're somehow tuning out.
- 12:25We're somehow selfish.
- 12:26We're somehow not going to be able to show up and be of service. But actually,
- 12:30the opposite is true.
- 12:31What's normally happening is that we're actually getting inundated
- 12:36by sensory information that is then shutting down our
- 12:41ability to be a force of change in this world.
- 12:46It prevents us,
- 12:47it causes a backlog of emotion and charge inside of us
- 12:52that makes it so that we just end up collapsing instead of tuning into the
- 12:55creative life force that we have and directing it towards where we are meant to
- 13:00be putting our attention.
- 13:01So this is not a clarion call to never read the news again,
- 13:06but it is a clarity on call to get clear about your own attention boundaries,
- 13:10where your attention wants to go, what you're allowing into your mind,
- 13:13and the boundaries that you need to set around that. And then of course,
- 13:17we have time boundaries.
- 13:18Time boundaries are literally what gets your hours?
- 13:22What gets your life force? What are you spending your time on?
- 13:27I notice that two things tend to happen with time boundaries.
- 13:32When we are
- 13:35"procrastinating," normally that's because we're in a state of overwhelm.
- 13:38There's actually,
- 13:39we're needing regulation and because we feel like we don't have
- 13:44full permission to just go lay down or take a walk or do the things we really
- 13:48need to do to regulate,
- 13:49we end up "procrastinating" with something that's actually not that fulfilling,
- 13:53like scrolling on our phone.
- 13:56The other side of time boundaries is that we end up
- 14:00overgiving our time to things that are not nourishing us,
- 14:04but that feel like they are essential.
- 14:07So maybe that's talking to your friend for the 10th time about the same
- 14:12exact thing that's going on in their life and you don't see them making any
- 14:15changes or really even trying to make a shift in their life.
- 14:19Or maybe this is getting blurred a little bit for you with attention boundaries.
- 14:24Maybe you are watching that show on Netflix that all your friends are watching
- 14:28and they are like, "You have to see this with us,
- 14:31but you're noticing it's actually not giving you anything in your life." Time
- 14:34boundaries are essential for sensitives and empaths.
- 14:38We can really be like time wizards. When we are in flow state,
- 14:42we can create so much,
- 14:45but often we're having trouble setting those time boundaries
- 14:50because either we are actually needing regulation in that moment or we are
- 14:55afraid of disappointing people.
- 14:59We are afraid of what's going to happen if we don't show up.
- 15:03And that's good to name and we're going to talk more about how to set these
- 15:07boundaries in a moment. And then of course there's physical boundaries,
- 15:11there's material boundaries, there's intellectual boundaries.
- 15:14Physical boundaries are limits of what you will or will not do with your body.
- 15:18There's material boundaries,
- 15:20limits and boundaries around the way in which you share quote unquote your
- 15:24possessions, your money,
- 15:25the things that are the physical objects that are in your field,
- 15:29and then intellectual boundaries, boundaries around your work,
- 15:32how you share your work,
- 15:33what's appropriate in terms of other people sharing your work,
- 15:35your ability to express your opinions. What I find is that the physical,
- 15:41material, intellectual boundaries, when these are wobbly,
- 15:45it's usually because sensitives are having issues with the
- 15:49emotional and the energetic boundaries.
- 15:52So I think that these are really some of the more primary ones.
- 15:56And then these other ones sort of follow suit in that wobble.
- 16:00So let's talk about why sensitives have such a hard time
- 16:05with boundaries. And I'm looping myself in this.
- 16:08Learning boundaries has been a lifelong process for me.
- 16:10It will continue my whole life.
- 16:13And there's a specific reason for this.
- 16:16So as sensitives and as empaths,
- 16:20normally our overgiving, the patterns that we have of overgiving,
- 16:25that was some sort of currency in our life, especially in our earlier life.
- 16:30At some point,
- 16:31we were praised for our overaccommodating skills.
- 16:36That was how we experienced belonging, how we experienced safety,
- 16:41how we experienced attachment,
- 16:44that something was required of us, that we had to overaccommodate,
- 16:49put ourselves second or put ourselves last and prioritize
- 16:54other people's needs, wants, and desires first.
- 16:57And so for many of us,
- 16:59this is part of how our nervous system developed,
- 17:03that this is the most valuable thing we can give really is to give away
- 17:07ourselves and to overaccommodate in this manner.
- 17:11And so what I noticed with other sensitives is that setting
- 17:16boundaries can literally feel like setting yourself on fire.
- 17:19And I really just want to be so gentle with you and with all of
- 17:24us that of course it does because every time we set a boundary,
- 17:29there's most likely a much younger part of us that is going,
- 17:33"This might destroy everything. I might be abandoned.
- 17:37I might be destitute. I might have no one.
- 17:40I might never experience belonging." Those stories are running
- 17:45subconsciously around this need to set boundaries.
- 17:49There might something really terrible might happen that me setting a boundary
- 17:54might mean that somebody gets really, really hurt physically or emotionally.
- 17:59And a lot of these are due to earlier life experiences,
- 18:03ways in which us setting boundaries earlier in our life was not
- 18:07okay,
- 18:08but seeing the pattern and understanding the pattern can help us become present
- 18:13with what's true right now.
- 18:15There's also this reality where we don't want to feel somebody
- 18:19else's pain, hurt and disappointment. That's really uncomfy.
- 18:25And the reality about being an empath in particular is that you will feel it,
- 18:29you will feel it, and it's going to be challenging.
- 18:32It will be really hard to feel someone's system collapse or someone's system go
- 18:37into panic or freak out mode,
- 18:40and that is part of the process.
- 18:44And it's important to remember that we are not
- 18:49protecting them by not setting boundaries.
- 18:54It's actually the opposite.
- 18:56We are not giving them an opportunity to truly be in relationship with us
- 19:00because real relationship is about two people relating.
- 19:04And if you are giving everything, if you are self-abandoning,
- 19:08if you are overaccommodating,
- 19:09you're not showing up real and authentic inside of this relationship.
- 19:13And so it is an act of kindness to give people the potential and the possibility
- 19:18to be in relationship with you. And that's an important reframe. Of course,
- 19:23another aspect of the difficulty in setting boundaries is that as empaths and as
- 19:27sensitives, we are naturally emotional beings.
- 19:30Highly sensitive people have really deep emotional systems.
- 19:35Those emotional messengers are very loud and very present in our systems.
- 19:39And so we don't want to feel the feelings that happen after we set the
- 19:44boundary, feelings of guilt,
- 19:47worry about being perceived as selfish, the fear of abandonment.
- 19:53All of those things will probably come up when we set a boundary,
- 19:56especially when it's new to us.
- 19:58And because we've learned in the past that care equals
- 20:03self-abandonment,
- 20:06we will have this innate fear that if we don't
- 20:11self-abandon,
- 20:13if we are clear about our boundaries or what we need and it's at conflict and
- 20:18at odds with what somebody else thinks they need,
- 20:20then we will automatically default to probably one of the deepest programs that
- 20:25we have, which is the worry or the fear that we're not good,
- 20:29the worry and the fear that we are selfish and we're not good people,
- 20:33that our goodness is dependent on our ability to over give and overaccommodate.
- 20:37And that is just really, really challenging to sit with.
- 20:41So it makes sense that we don't want to do this.
- 20:44We were taught from a young age that our job was to manage other people's
- 20:49emotions. It's just the world that we live in. And for many of us,
- 20:53it's also the family systems, the relationships that we experienced early on.
- 20:58But the update is that it is actually not your job to manage other people's
- 21:02feelings.
- 21:03And people who really want to be in true relationship with you don't want to be
- 21:08managed.
- 21:09And this process of setting where boundaries will change and shift who is in
- 21:14your life, who you're interacting with,
- 21:15the kind of time you're spending with people, and it will set you free.
- 21:20People talk a lot in nervous system science,
- 21:23in the world of nervous system awareness around the different responses
- 21:28to activation, to feeling unsafe. So we have fight, we have flight,
- 21:33we have freeze, we have fighting someone,
- 21:37that sort of boundary holding, we have the running away, we have the free state,
- 21:42but for sensitives and empaths,
- 21:44the thing we most often will default to is the fond
- 21:48response.
- 21:49So the fon response is everything I just talked about.
- 21:53It's when we sense threat, we sense danger,
- 21:58we go into overaccommodating, we go into meeting someone's needs,
- 22:02we go into basically becoming lovable so that someone won't
- 22:07dispose of us, that we won't be in even deeper danger. And it's a really,
- 22:11really smart survival response, like really brilliant.
- 22:14And I just want to bow down to the parts of you that develop this
- 22:19response because it works, dude. And at the same time,
- 22:24as adults,
- 22:27the slow roll updates that we get to make are that we
- 22:31don't have to abandon ourselves in order to be truly loved and
- 22:36accepted,
- 22:37and that we get to set boundaries to keep us
- 22:42in. And the people who are meant to continue on with us in our life journey,
- 22:48they will be the ones who applaud you when you set those boundaries.
- 22:53So I'm curious,
- 22:55what is one boundary you need to set in your life?
- 23:00Maybe something has come up for you as I'm talking,
- 23:03as I talked about the different kinds of boundaries or why boundaries are
- 23:06particularly hard for sensitives and impaths.
- 23:09I guarantee you there's probably something bumping around at the edges of your
- 23:13consciousness right now. And I'm curious, what is that?
- 23:16What is one thing that you think of and you notice that your energy immediately
- 23:21shifts?
- 23:22This is often a good sign that there's a boundary that needs to
- 23:26be set here.
- 23:28Some other good signs of boundaries needing to be set are feeling overwhelmed.
- 23:33Overwhelm is, I'm going to be didactic here.
- 23:38I think it is a sign for a need for more boundaries 100% of the
- 23:43time. And that, again, could be boundaries with people,
- 23:46could be boundaries with your time, could be boundaries with your attention,
- 23:50sensitives. We have such an incredible ability to pour our attention like water
- 23:56upon the earth and create so much,
- 23:59but we need to know where our attention is going.
- 24:01We need to know and be aware of the ways in which we are giving that attention
- 24:05away and the ways in which that attention could actually be poured into what
- 24:09we're meant to create here. Now,
- 24:12bringing your attention back to this place that you might need to set boundaries
- 24:16within your life, I'm curious,
- 24:18do you notice a sense of tightening in your throat or maybe in your
- 24:23belly or your jaw? Do you feel like that belly drop sensation?
- 24:27You know that sensation where you're like,
- 24:29"Oh gosh." Or sudden fatigue.
- 24:33I often notice my energy will just kind of tank.
- 24:36These are all good signs that there is a boundary needed here.
- 24:41Some other signs here
- 24:44in general in your life to be able to track when you need a boundary,
- 24:47because this is also something that I think is really important.
- 24:52There are going to be things in our life that we're super aware that we need
- 24:55boundaries with.
- 24:56And there's also going to be things in our life that we are not so aware that we
- 24:59need better boundaries with.
- 25:00So learning how to track the signs of your body telling you,
- 25:05"I need more of a boundary here," will really help you start to become fluent in
- 25:10your own inner language and set the boundaries you need to thrive.
- 25:14So we talked already about that energy drop sensation.
- 25:17There's also this subtle dread.
- 25:20If you have a feeling or a sense of subtle dread,
- 25:24that's probably a sign you need boundaries.
- 25:26Any kinds of tightness or constriction, that's literally your body being like,
- 25:30"Ugh, let's create a boundary here." Resentment.
- 25:35Resentment's a big one.
- 25:36If you find yourself resenting people who are asking things of you or
- 25:41resenting your phone or resenting your job,
- 25:46these are all signs that more boundaries are needed there because resentment is
- 25:50actually a moment where you,
- 25:52it's indicative of when you overgive
- 25:57and then are wanting to pull that energy back or wanting that energy back and
- 26:01you're resenting the fact that you actually overrode your own boundaries
- 26:06and really it's asking you to call your attention to the boundaries that need to
- 26:10exist in your life. So notice where you feel resentment.
- 26:13Any anxiety or dread also signs that we need boundaries in our
- 26:18life, loss of presence. If you're like zoning out, if you're tuning out,
- 26:23if you have a hard time being present with someone or something,
- 26:25there's probably an energetic boundary that needs to be there,
- 26:29the urge to please. So the moment we step into that people pleasing mode of,
- 26:34let me make it better for you,
- 26:36dead giveaway that we need boundaries in that moment and overexplaining.
- 26:42If you find yourself overexplaining something you did or overexplaining
- 26:48a boundary you want to set,
- 26:50overexplaining why you did what you felt called to do,
- 26:55that's also a sign that there is a need for boundaries here.
- 27:00And like I mentioned before, we often, when we think about boundaries,
- 27:05we kind of get stuck sometimes in this trap of, "Oh,
- 27:08my boundaries are being violated." But most of the time it's that our boundaries
- 27:13just aren't clear and that in this way,
- 27:15we actually might be crossing our own boundaries to overgive,
- 27:20to self-abandon, to overaccommodate.
- 27:23And so what we're looking for here is clarity.
- 27:26So boundaries are not about hardness, they are about clarity.
- 27:30There's a sense to boundaries when they are authentic and truly what we need,
- 27:34that they will feel rooted,
- 27:36simple once we implement them and they are in our life,
- 27:40untangled and breathable. Ah,
- 27:44the sense that you can breathe again in that corner of your life. Now,
- 27:48I'm not going to lie. Setting a boundary will be hard at first,
- 27:52especially if you're setting a boundary in a new and different way for you.
- 27:56I often liken it to walking through the fire in order to drink from the
- 28:01stream on the other side. And there really is no way but through.
- 28:05That is how it goes and it's not punitive. It's not a punishment.
- 28:10It's actually teaching your nervous system that it's okay to set boundaries
- 28:14because when you do it and the big feelings come up,
- 28:17you will stay with yourself.
- 28:19So this is huge and that's the whole goal.
- 28:22Not only is it to speak aloud your boundary, to set that boundary,
- 28:26but then to companion yourself afterwards.
- 28:30So on a very logistical level, when you are setting a boundary,
- 28:33whether it's with yourself or with someone else, be clear in your language,
- 28:37be clear about what that boundary is and make it about yourself,
- 28:42especially in talking with someone else instead of being like,
- 28:46"I'm setting this boundary because you do this.
- 28:48" I'm setting this boundary because I need this because that's the truth.
- 28:51That's why we are actually setting that boundary.
- 28:55And then once we have that clear statement of what this boundary is,
- 28:59follow up with an action if it's not respected.
- 29:03So what action are you willing to take if that limit is crossed?
- 29:07That piece is actually really essential to upholding our boundaries because we
- 29:10can say something, and this happens a lot for our sensitives.
- 29:14We can say something and then we can end up overriding our own boundaries.
- 29:19We can end up saying yes, even though we actually wanted to say no.
- 29:23And we said we were going to say no when we first had that conversation with
- 29:25them about that event, and then we backtracked and we said yes,
- 29:29but setting boundaries about getting clear with yourself around not only what is
- 29:33that boundary,
- 29:34but also what is the consequence if that boundary is overwridden or what
- 29:39action are you willing to take if that boundary is crossed and then take that
- 29:42action.
- 29:43Not only is that how you teach other people that your boundaries are for real,
- 29:48it's also you teaching yourself and your nervous system that you can
- 29:53be trusted. This is really just so,
- 29:56so big for us sensitives who from probably A very young
- 30:01age, we're told that we were too much, too emotional, too fragile,
- 30:06all those things that we struggle with self-trust.
- 30:10I'm feeling this big thing. Is that real?
- 30:12I'm sensing this thing happening over there,
- 30:14but then that person's saying that's not happening. Is this real?
- 30:18Self-trust is so important. We also often,
- 30:22in the past,
- 30:23because we have gotten into patterns of people pleasing and overgiving,
- 30:27that there's probably a wound there of thinking, "Can I trust myself?
- 30:31Can I trust myself to set this boundary and maintain it?
- 30:33" So every time you set that boundary and you maintain it and you take the
- 30:37action that you promise yourself you would take,
- 30:40if that boundary gets violated or gets wobbly,
- 30:43you are proving to your nervous system that you can be trusted.
- 30:48And this is huge.
- 30:49Our nervous system is getting updates the entire time we're moving through a
- 30:52process of setting a boundary.
- 30:54So nothing is wrong if hard stuff comes up because really that's
- 30:59a huge part of what's coming up and out and being purged from your system in
- 31:04order to have the capacity to continue to make life giving boundaries for
- 31:08yourself. So it's normal, for example,
- 31:11to want to go back on what you said or to second guess what you said.
- 31:14It's normal to have all your old survival
- 31:20wiring come back on board,
- 31:22like the sense like I'm going to lose belonging to go into a freeze or collapse
- 31:26response, emotional flooding, fatigue,
- 31:29and the adrenaline drop afterwards. Because often when you set a boundary,
- 31:34what might help you ride into setting that boundary is this adrenaline.
- 31:38You decide to do it, I'm going to do it, I'm going to say it.
- 31:41Especially when it comes to other people.
- 31:43And then we do it and then we have to be with what will probably be
- 31:48some sort of dysregulation on part of the person who we set the boundary with,
- 31:52maybe not. And then that's a huge blessing, but that does often come up.
- 31:56We have to be with that. And then afterwards, there's the adrenaline crash.
- 32:00And the whole point of all of this is just to stay with
- 32:05yourself,
- 32:06to know that this is how your nervous system is purging and updating itself.
- 32:10And your only task is to continue to be with yourself.
- 32:13So know that aftercare is a really important part for empaths and
- 32:18sensitives in setting boundaries.
- 32:21So some things that help me with aftercare is to verbally name what's
- 32:25happening. So I might stand in the mirror and say,
- 32:30"It makes so much sense that you're having a really hard time right now.
- 32:32You just set a really big boundary and now your heart is racing and now you feel
- 32:37exhausted and now you feel like a plane that can't land in your life." And that
- 32:42really makes sense because of everything you just did.
- 32:44And it's so big and I'm so proud of you.
- 32:46So whatever it is that works for you to name it,
- 32:49that process that I often use sort of crosses over into this territory of
- 32:54engaging in positive self-talk and working with your parts.
- 32:58So parts work are internal family systems.
- 33:01This is a system where you are speaking to the part of you that is terrified.
- 33:06Another part of you is like, "Yes,
- 33:08I've been needing to do this forever and I'm celebrating." Another part of you
- 33:11is like, "I might die." And so you're speaking to the part of you that's like,
- 33:16"I might die." And you're holding that part of you and you're acknowledging
- 33:20them, you're acknowledging that they're scared,
- 33:22and you're also acknowledging that you're not going to leave them,
- 33:24that you're there with them forever.
- 33:25You're staying with them throughout this entire experience.
- 33:29It's also really helpful in the aftercare of setting a boundary to reduce
- 33:34decision making. So don't do any other big things for a few days after that.
- 33:39Really let go of any other decision making you can during that time and just
- 33:43know that you're recouping. You're recouping from a really,
- 33:46really big energetic movement that you made in your life.
- 33:50And then anything that is self-soothing to you in this period of time,
- 33:54maybe it's a show you love to watch. Maybe it's going for walks,
- 33:58maybe it's petting your dog, maybe it's playing with a fidget toy.
- 34:01Any of these things that help you soothe,
- 34:04make sure that you have those tools and you build them into the time after
- 34:09you set that boundary. Because here's the deal,
- 34:12you wouldn't have the desire for that boundary, for that space,
- 34:15for that clarity if your inner self didn't know that this was the key
- 34:20to you accessing the fullness of your life force,
- 34:24that this is the key to you living your mission on this planet and
- 34:28being a part of the great healing that is happening here at this time.
- 34:33So when you set these boundaries, you're not just setting them for yourselves,
- 34:36you are setting them for the whole world because you can.
- 34:39You can create an entirely new world for yourself in your life
- 34:44and for the wider world when you set boundaries.
- 34:49Like I said before, boundaries are what make relationships possible.
- 34:52We cannot relate from one autonomous being to another unless there is some sort
- 34:56of boundary between us. Otherwise, it's just an enmeshed hole.
- 35:00And this is why we come to this planet because we're super curious about that
- 35:04interplay of polarity and dichotomy and
- 35:09selfhood. It's the play here.
- 35:12And so we need boundaries in order to have a relationship.
- 35:16Boundaries preserve relationships. They do not destroy relationships.
- 35:21Healthy relationships flourish in the presence of boundaries.
- 35:26And at the end of the day, everything on earth here is relational.
- 35:32Healing is relational. Possibility is relational.
- 35:35The co-creation is relational.
- 35:39Revolution is relational.
- 35:42And so if we want to feed those things on this planet,
- 35:46if we want to see this planet come into a
- 35:50revolution of co-creation and community and
- 35:54collaboration again,
- 35:56we need to be willing to do that work to set those boundaries
- 36:01for ourselves. This is where it starts. The world, as we know it,
- 36:07is a giant example of what happens without proper
- 36:12boundaries. We see things like abuse, war, exploitation,
- 36:16pollution, trauma.
- 36:18So if you want to know what it looks like to live in a world where people are
- 36:23not actively engaged with their boundaries and therefore unable to really
- 36:28perceive other people's boundaries and honor those boundaries, just look around.
- 36:33So we are fractals of this world. And when you set boundaries,
- 36:37you allow your life changing energy to flow where it needs to flow.
- 36:41You change the story on this planet.
- 36:44You allow for the possibility of deeper relationships on this planet,
- 36:49deeper relationality, deeper co-creation. And yes,
- 36:53you create a new world.
- 36:56I just want you to take a moment here to imagine how different the world would
- 37:01be if we all had healthy boundaries. Really imagine that.
- 37:04Imagine the way you would feel in your life if you had the boundaries that you
- 37:08needed to be able to access your higher guidance,
- 37:12to feel your life force flowing through you, to have access to your creativity,
- 37:17your life force, your centeredness,
- 37:20to be a conduit for unconditional love as you let
- 37:25that unconditional love flow through you first.
- 37:27Really feel that inside of yourself.
- 37:29And then imagine if everyone felt that way.
- 37:35Everything changes, right?
- 37:37Everything changes and everything changes starting with you.
- 37:43Every time you as a sensitive or an empath set a boundary that you need in your
- 37:47life, you are choosing the world you want to live inside.
- 37:52Boundaries are not acts of separation.
- 37:54They're acts of devotion to life itself.
- 37:57They're acts of devotion to the life that you came here to create the life that
- 38:02you came here to tend. And make no mistake,
- 38:07you and your life force are deeply needed in this world.
- 38:10You are here to bring something essential to this planet.
- 38:14And that essential thing,
- 38:16it flows naturally from you when you are willing to
- 38:21safeguard and become a caretaker for your own energy,
- 38:25to create the sanctuary that your energy needs in order to thrive and flourish.
- 38:30This is how movements happen that change the world.
- 38:33This is how passion and love shape shift the environment around us and
- 38:39how we move towards greater wholeness as a collective.
- 38:44So whatever it is that you're ready to set a boundary within your life,
- 38:49know this, remember this. And remember that through setting that boundary,
- 38:53you are creating a new world.
- 38:56So if you want a space where you can
- 39:00understand your boundaries in a whole new light,
- 39:02get so clear on what those boundaries are,
- 39:06reorganize your life so that you have the tools and perspectives
- 39:11to create relationships that feel life giving to you.
- 39:15If you want to shift your focus away from always creating harmony for others to
- 39:20creating a haven in your life,
- 39:23then definitely come join me for Earth Angel School.
- 39:26This is what we do in this school. We give you your life back.
- 39:31We help you fall in love with life again because you understand who you are,
- 39:36how you work, what you need, and what's possible for you.
- 39:41As one of our students, Rachel, wrote after taking the course last year,
- 39:44"I am not broken. I'm an earth angel. The reframes are worth everything.
- 39:49I spent most of my life feeling like my sensitivity was something I must
- 39:52overcome or there was something inherently wrong with me.
- 39:55" Being able to shift this perspective,
- 39:57pull back and shine light on another way of seeing was incredibly impactful.
- 40:02And this is why I use the term earth angel because we need to reclaim and
- 40:06reframe what it means to be a sensitive.
- 40:09If we think about this archetype of angels,
- 40:11angels are full of their own power in life force.
- 40:14They know that they have this potential to bring healing and positivity to the
- 40:19world and they don't do it through abandoning themselves or overaccommodating.
- 40:23Angels do it because they understand their power. They emanate that power.
- 40:29And on the very first day of class,
- 40:30I'm going to take you even deeper behind why I'm using this term earth angel,
- 40:34the secret that will kick off this entire mystery school together and
- 40:39really help you see yourself in a completely new light.
- 40:43As another participant in the class said, "This course is life changing,
- 40:47deeply inspiring and so very nourishing.
- 40:49It has helped me to advocate for my needs, heal from burnout,
- 40:52and led me into my wider life's calling." So over the course of 12 weeks
- 40:57together in Earth Angel School,
- 40:59we are going deep into this material of self-healing and self-revelation.
- 41:04We have weekly classes,
- 41:05so you'll be getting it together with me every week for a class.
- 41:09We also have breakout discussion groups that happen every other week,
- 41:12which I also lead,
- 41:14and there's an optional retreat at the end of the program if you'd like to
- 41:17gather with me in person.
- 41:19And that doesn't even cover our library of incredible bonus material with
- 41:24classes such as engaging in your life force and the erotic as a highly
- 41:28sensitive person, parenting as an earth angel, working with creativity,
- 41:33and so, so, so, so much more. So early bird pricing ends next week,
- 41:38Monday the 30th. So if you know this is for you,
- 41:41if a part of you is just resonating with this like a singing bowl,
- 41:47then I would love to journey with you there.
- 41:49And no matter where you are in your journey and what you need right now,
- 41:54know that you are allowed to have what you need.
- 41:57You are allowed to have the things, the energy,
- 42:00the boundaries that you need to flourish.
- 42:02And as you take these brave steps to set these boundaries for yourself and your
- 42:07life, may they help you remember that most important thing of all,
- 42:13why you're here.