Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Locked Away? This Isn't Timeout—It's a Divine Reset

Transcript

Locked Away? This Isn't Timeout—It's a Divine Reset · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 93.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: You know it's been a busy summer for me.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I finally finished the rough draft for my book and now the first round of edits are back.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Now I'm knee-deep in rewrites, marketing plans, book cover design and possibly some merch.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: My head has been down and I'm working hard to finish it up before I go back to work in August.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: You might say I've put myself in solitary confinement.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I've turned on the do not disturb on my phone so I can work in my peak hours.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: It is a benefit to be there so I can focus.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: However, not everyone experiences it in the same manner, especially if you're walking through a major life transition.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: So today I want to talk about it.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: What is solitary confinement?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Here's the definition.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Solitary confinement is a form of imprisonment in which a prisoner is isolated from any human contact.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that doesn't sound so bad, but I can only imagine if it were long-term.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Maybe this is you, or maybe it's someone who's close to you.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: You're in an unseen jail cell.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Social isolation is the most damaging thing in solitary confinement.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: It has you in a place of absolute silence.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: You can't reach out and no one can reach in.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: The walls are too high and too thick Because you are socially untouchable.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It triggers lots of physical, emotional and mental symptoms.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Physical, emotional and mental symptoms.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: In an article George Dvorsky says this human beings are social creatures.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Without the benefit of another person to bounce off of, our mind decays.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Without anything to do, the brain atrophies.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: And without the ability to see off in the distance, vision fades.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Isolation and loss of control breed anger, anxiety and helplessness.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: The title of this article is are we in the midst of an anxiety epidemic?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I'll put the link in the show notes for you in case you want to read it.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: But see that silence of solitary confinement.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: It's so loud it vibrates down to your bones.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: You're not in a cell with bars, but you might as well be.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You're cut off, you're out of sight, disconnected, maybe even forgotten.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: It wasn't supposed to be like this, and yet here you are on the bench on the sidelines, are locked away in a solitary place that feels more like exile than rest.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe you chose it, maybe it was chosen for you.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: One moment life was loud and fast, the next still and suffocating.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: You were active, needed in the mix, and then suddenly you were benched.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: The lights faded, the crowd quieted, the doors shut and now you're stuck watching everyone else or thinking about what everyone else and how they're moving forward, while you sit in a holding pattern, numb and unsure whether this is punishment or protection.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: This is the shock of the bench, the ache of going from the center of the action to absolutely alone.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Some of us got here because someone decided to pull us out of the action to absolutely alone.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Some of us got here because someone decided to pull us out of the game.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: They said hey, you need a break, or you're a little too much.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Or maybe they said nothing at all.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: They just slowly disappeared.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Others of us have pulled ourselves out.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: We couldn't bear the weight of what we were carrying the grief, the guilt, the confusion, the shame.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So we backed away, trying to protect others from our mess.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Solitary confinement can start in a whisper, but it ends up with a scream.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: You might not even know what to feel right now.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: The first stage of the confinement is usually shock, and you've heard me talk about shock on this podcast since day one.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: But once this numbness wears off, the storm hits.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: You're angry, maybe at others, at God or maybe, most likely, yourself.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You're sad, mourning what you lost, what changed, what you thought would never happen.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: You're afraid of never finding your way back, of being totally forgotten, of being too broken to be brought back to life.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: You're lonely, and not just alone, but lonely in your bones, in your soul and in the echo chamber of your own mind.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: You go through the motions while your spirit stays behind bars.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: But you know what.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: You're not meant to stay here.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Solitary confinement lies to you.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: It will tell you that no one wants to see you, no one needs you and no one understands.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: But listen, you're not being punished, you're being prepared.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Let me remind you of the story in Acts 16.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Paul and Silas were thrown into the inner prison the deepest, darkest part.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: It was the kind of place you don't get out of.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: But at midnight they begin to pray and to sing and the prison shook to its foundations.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: The doors flew open and every chain fell off.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: You see, this isn't a metaphor, this is a principle.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Your comeback begins when you open your mouth.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're in solitary confinement, maybe you need to sing, maybe you need to hear yourself pray out loud.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Your freedom begins when you open your heart and let the Lord move in it.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Don't be afraid of the silence, but don't get lost in it.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Solitude can be a sacred place of quiet restoration, but solitary confinement, that's a whole different beast.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: That's not peace, it's pressure.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: It's pacing the walls of your mind, battling the deafening echoes of rejection, abandonment and shame.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So when divorce or any other life transition hits empty nesting, the loss of a job maybe you've lost your spouse it can feel like being thrown into a locked cell with no one checking in, no one calling back and no one holding your hand in the dark.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: This silence isn't comforting, it's punishing.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: It whispers the lies and plays tricks on your mind.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: It messes with your sense of time, your worth and your future.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing Stillness doesn't have to mean surrender.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Be still, yes, but not disappear.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Be still so you can finally hear what God is whispering into the noise.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Let him speak purpose into your pause.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: This might not be a timeout, it might just be your divine reset.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing In solitary confinement, you have to do the talking.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: That's it for today.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you joined me.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Next week, I'm going to start a three-week series on how do you know when it's time to leave.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's your marriage, maybe it's your job, maybe it's just a friendship, but you won't want to miss it.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Until next week.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: You.